Rebel Child, and a Preacher's Daughter
by i'm random girl
Summary: Bella is trying to break out of the mold her Baptist preacher father has made for her. She tries to remain true to herself while falling for the bad boy. Follow her on her road to self discovery. AH.M-rated for language,sex,drugs,drinking,religious ref.
1. Chapter 1

**Rebel Child, and a Preacher's Daughter**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Twilight series or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

**Summary:** Bella is the daughter of strict Baptist preacher, Charlie Swan. Charlie accepts the position of head pastor at Forks First Baptist Church, and moves his family from Phoenix, Arizona to Forks, Washington. This uproots Bella, along with her cousin Jasper who lives with them, from the only home they have ever known. Bella is going through a lot of hard times on her road to self discovery. Her mother is dead and she doesn't really have many friends besides Jasper. Her father is very protective of her and doesn't let her have a normal teenage life. She desperately wants independence so she can find herself in the world. With the help of Jasper, and her new friends at Forks, she just may just be able to figure who she really is, before her father brainwashes her into believing she is something that she's not.

**A/N:** Thanks to my new beta ManiacMotherland for going back and cleaning up my earlier chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Prologue**

"God Love Her"

Songwriters: Toby Keith and Vicky Mcgehee

Just a girl born in Dixie, washed in the blood  
And raised on the banks of the Mississippi mud.  
She always had a thing about fallin' in love with a bad boy.  
Yeah, they could see it all comin' but her daddy never dreamed  
She'd grow up that fast, you know what I mean.  
The way a girl gets when she turns seventeen, kinda crazy.  
She's a rebel child and a preacher's daughter.  
She was baptized in dirty water.  
Her mama cried the first time they caught her with me.  
They knew they couldn't stop her.  
She holds tight, me and the Bible  
On the back seat of my motorcycle  
Left her daddy standin' there preachin' to the choir, you see.  
God love her.  
Oh, me and God love her!

She kissed her mama goodbye, said I'll be sure 'n phone ya.  
She called her from a truck stop in Tucson, Arizona.  
With "Amazing Grace", we made California line  
And then my gypsy life started takin' its toll  
And the fast lane got empty and out of control  
And just like an angel she saved my soul from the devil.  
Yeah, she's a rebel child and a preacher's daughter.  
She was baptized in dirty water.  
Her mama cried the first time they caught her with me.  
They knew they couldn't stop her.  
She holds tight, me and the Bible  
On the back seat of my motorcycle.  
Left her daddy standin' there, preachin' to the choir, you see.  
God love her  
Oh, me and God love her!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Twilight series or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

**A/N : **Okay, so this is a little story idea I had and I've decided to run with it. I hope you like it and feel free to let me know your thoughts!

I would like to thank my new beta ManiacMotherland for going back and fixing my many many mistakes in earlier chaptesr. LOL. And also a loud shout out to mfrancesj, who has helped me more than I could imagine. I never would've had the courage to write this without you. :)

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**BPOV**

I couldn't help but groan as my alarm clock made a ridiculously annoying sound. Whoever decided that absurd noise should be the first thing a person hears in the morning should be shot. No, on second thought, being shot would be way too quick. They should be stripped, covered in syrup, set in an ant hill, and forced to listen to the wretched noise while they suffer a slow, agonizing death.

Then shot.

So I guess saying I am not a morning person would be the understatement of the year.

I tried to reach over and slap the offensive equipment lightly, but I ended up beating it senseless before it stopped. Thankful for the quiet, I closed my eyes and quickly drifted back to sleep. It couldn't have been more than five minutes later when there was a loud knock at my door

"Bella, up and at 'em!" he sounded, way too flipping cheerful for… I looked back at my alarm clock… for 6:12 in the morning.

"Yeah, Dad… I'm getting up," I grumbled, but made no move to actually get out of my bed. Instead, I closed my eyes and hoped my dad would just forget about me and carry on with his day. I mean, what normal seventeen-year-old has to get up at six in the morning on a Sunday? Not any of them that I knew about. Well, none except for Jasper and I.

I suppose my lying in bed, contemplating how hard life was as a preacher's kid was taking too long, because a very disgruntled Charlie swooshed open the door.

"Isabella Marie, you have five minutes to be downstairs for devotion. I have decided this morning's lesson will be on laziness!" I heard him yell at me. He shut the door much harder than necessary, and I heard him stomp down the stairs.

_Oh, Mary mother of Jesus. Pissing off the parental figure is not how I intended to start my day_, I thought as I swung my legs off the bed and began to make my way to the bathroom.

As if today was not going to be hard enough, now I had to deal with a indignant Charlie. That was the last thing I needed that day. I would have to think of some way to get back in his good graces, and quick.

Don't get me wrong. I love my father with everything I have. It's just too hard sometimes to meet his standards of the perfect child. He expected nothing less than perfection at all times, and truth be told, it was exhausting trying to be so _good_ all of the time.

But I knew deep down that, as hard as Charlie was on me, he meant well. It had to be hard to be a single father. We lost my mother to cancer when I was twelve, so I was really all he had left. Well, me and Jasper. Jasper is my cousin, but he is also the brother I will never have, and the best friend I could ever ask for.

Jasper's father abandoned his mother when he was just a baby. He doesn't even remember him. All he has are a few pictures of the man, which he keeps in a box underneath his bed. The box--which I refer to as the box of demons--contains the few pictures of his father and mother, a few things from Jasper's childhood, and the letter his mother gave him the day she dropped him off at our house saying she had a few errands to run and then never returned. Jasper was nine at the time. He does not know, but I can tell every time he goes down memory lane and opens the box of demons. I can tell by the remorse in his eyes, the way he distances himself for a few days. He blames himself for the way his mother turned out. The fact that he has no idea where she is anymore, or even if she is still alive.

Of course, my parents took Jasper in and treated him as their own. And even though Jasper's mom was my mother's sister, I knew she never fully forgave her sister for the anguish she'd inflicted on Jasper. She held on to the hope that one day Casie, Jasper's mother, would realize her mistakes and come to beg Jasper for his forgiveness. Jasper adored my mother and took it almost as hard as I did when she passed away. But, as I have learned over the years, nothing replaces a mother's love. So when Jasper feels the need to open the horrid box of demons and rehash his past, I know he is just trying to find a piece of a hope that there was once love between him and his mother, and I cannot blame him one bit for that.

I knew I was cutting it close to the five minutes Charlie allotted, and not wanting to anger Charlie any more, I sucked it up, brushed my teeth, put a smile on my face, and headed out the door to meet with my father and Jasper for our morning devotion.

As I walked out of my room, I was startled to see Jasper leaning up against the wall by my door, quirking a eyebrow and giving me a knowing look.

"Don't start with me! It wasn't intentional," I practically growled.

He laughed at me and ruffled my hair, which caused me to actually growl at him before I turned and walked downstairs.

I immediately started the coffee, then joined my dad and Jasper in the dining room.

Charlie was seated at the head of the table, with his head bowed in a silent prayer. Jasper was seated on one side of the table, looking as bored as ever while picking at the hem of his shirt. I quickly slid a chair out across from Jasper and patiently waited for my dad to begin.

I looked around the room, at all the boxes, and let my mind wonder to the impending move. Today was our last Sunday at the church I grew up in. Tomorrow, we would finish packing, and Tuesday, we would pull out in the large U-Haul parked in our driveway. We will be leaving behind all of my friends, my school, and the only house I have ever known. We will be leaving behind the heat of Arizona and trading it in for the wet, cold weather of Forks Washington

I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little excited. I have never been anywhere except for here, so it was a new adventure. Charlie let me google Forks after he had decided a few months back to accept the position of head pastor at Forks First Baptist. We don't have Internet, or cable for that matter. Charlie feels such technology is the first stepping stone to worldly, ungodly things, so he will not allow it in his home. But if I need to do research for school using the Internet, he will take me into town to the library and allow me to use their connection, as long as he is sitting there watching me, of course.

I remember like it was yesterday, starring at that old computer screen in the library.

Forks, Washington: As of the census 2008, there were 3,120 people, 1,169 households, and 792 families residing in the city. There were 1,169 households out of which 36.9% had children under the age of 18 living with them, 49.4% were married couples living together.

I remember these numbers, which I know is a strange thing, but not having a life leaves me with plenty of time to dwell on non-important things, like the statistics of this small town. The numbers threw me off a bit.

I mean, really? Only 3,120 people? Well, soon to be 3,123 counting myself, Jasper and my dad all moving in to town. We had that many members in our church here in Phoenix, if not more. And out of 1169, only 39.6% had children under the age of 18, which meant in the town there were only, I mentally calculated… about 463 people that had children ranging from 0-18… which meant there would not be very many people my age. Thank God I had Jasper.

I also remember from my Google excursion that Forks is also the rainiest places in the continental US, and they are known for their fishing. Really, fishing? Like in a boat? Who actually does that?

But there was a bright side to all of this, I told myself. No more private Christian Academy for Jasper and I. Forks is so small they only had one public high school, which all the teenagers in the town went to. No more school uniforms. No more memorizing Bible verses, although by now I probably have the entire Bible memorized. And the best thing of all? Finally, a little freedom. I know with Charlie taking on this new position he will be totally absorbed for a while, and thank the sweet Jesus, I might just be able to breathe a little. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to figure out who I am for myself, instead of having someone tell me who I am supposed to be all the time.

But with this new excitement also came a lot of fear. One, I have never been allowed to attend public school. Charlie said they were full of nothing but crime, drugs, and violence. So, as excited as I was to break out of the Christian Academy, I was also terrified of being stabbed to death on my first day at a public school. But what I remembered from the Internet, Forks did not have a high crime rate, so I was hoping for the best. Maybe it would be the second day before I was actually stabbed.

My biggest fear, though, was if the kids in Forks would accept me or not. In my small social circle there in Phoenix, everyone knew me as the preacher's daughter, the goody-two-shoes who never did anything wrong and followed the Bible word for word. They knew what to expect of me. I never got asked to go to parties, or to drink, or do anything fun or exciting, because everyone knew it simply wasn't allowed for a Baptist girl like me. I was never pressured into doing anything with boys, because I wasn't allowed to date them in the first place, or really even really talk to them for that matter. But, at this new place, no one would know about my father's strict Bible Belt ways, and so I wondered if everyone else would looked at me as a freak for being raised so conservatively.

I could hear the coffee pot gurgling, letting me know it was done. Charlie was still deep in silent prayer. I wondered if he would be terribly upset if I slipped away just to grab a quick cup. I could be back before he ever knew I left. I looked up at Jasper, and as if he was reading my mind, he shook his head "no". I grinned and nodded mine "yes", glancing to the kitchen and then back at him. He knew how badly I needed my caffeine fix. But, in the end, I knew Charlie would find it disrespectful, because we were supposed to be using this time to reflect and talk to God on our own.

Finally, Charlie said "Amen" and cleared his throat.

Jasper and I followed, each with our own "Amen," and then turned our attention to Charlie.

Charlie had an annoyingly sly smirk on his face as he handed me his Bible.

"Isabella, can you please read Proverbs 10:4-5, Proverbs 13:4 and Proverbs 6:6-11?"

"Yes, sir." I gently took the Bible he was holding and cleared my throat.

Proverbs 10:4-5 _Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth. He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son. _

I flipped to the next verse.

Proverbs 13:4 _The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied. _

I turned back a couple pages to the next one.

Prov. 6:6-11 _Go to the ant, O sluggard, Observe her ways and be wise, Which, having no chief, Officer or ruler, Prepares her food in the summer And gathers her provision in the harvest. How long will you lie down, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? 'A little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to rest' — Your poverty will come in like a vagabond And your need like an armed man." _

As I finished, I looked up to Charlie. He looked quite arrogant as he stared back at me.

"Isabella, would you explain, in your own words, what those verses said to you?"

"That you want me to get up on time in the morning?" I half asked, half stated.

Charlie sighed at my obvious kiss-up, but at least he seemed somewhat placated.

"God wants you to make something of yourself, Isabella. That is what the Bible is trying to tell you. And the only way anyone makes something of themselves in this world is to get up early, at the crack of dawn often as not, and hit the day running with all that they have in them. Do you understand me, Isabella?"

I told him that I was an ant. I told him that I was sluggard. I told my dad everything he wanted to hear, for a good half hour. Then I promised that I would be better in the future and my dad finally gave in. Then I stood up and made a beeline straight for the kitchen, because I really needed a cup of coffee.

Jasper followed me into the kitchen as I made my way straight to the coffee pot. Oh, glorious coffee. I really wish these men would just understand that I would be in a much better mood if they would just let me have my coffee before they talked to me or expected me to participate in anything in the mornings.

I poured my cup and took a few wonderful sips before setting it down and smiling up at Jasper. He licked his thumb and started rubbing my nose

I quickly swatted his hand away. "Eww, Jazz, what the heck are you doing?"

"I am just cleaning off the remains of all the brown nosing you were doing in there."

"Ha ha ha, Jasper. Keep playing, but I did what I needed to do to make sure that Charlie will be in a good mood today. With all the stress of moving, I simply could not handle adding him thinking that I am a incorrigible, unrighteous daughter to the mix."

"Bella, you are aware that you just gave a thirty-minute testimony in there, comparing yourself to an ant? That's not normal. You do know that, right?"

"Please, Jasper, enlighten me. What is normal by your standards?" I asked while tipping my coffee mug back, gulping the rest of it down. It was getting late, and I knew I needed to head upstairs to start getting ready for church soon.

Jasper never got to answer my question because Charlie walked into the kitchen and glanced at his watch. "Don't you kids think you should be getting ready for church?"

I made a mental note to ask Jasper what his standards of "normal" were later. I was quite curious to know.

"Yes, sir." I quickly turned to rinse out my mug so I could get a move on.

Charlie began pouring himself some coffee in his to-go cup.

"I am going to go ahead and leave. I have a few loose ends to tie up. Jasper, you drive your car. And Bella, you ride with him. You two better not be late, do you hear me?"

I still found it highly unfair that Jasper was allowed to have a car and I was not. Don't get me wrong, Charlie still had many rules for Jasper, but he was not expected to be the epitome of perfection like I was. I couldn't help but feel that is was because of his gender. I have noticed in a lot of the Baptist preaching, especially from my father, that men seem to be held on a way higher platform than women. We are merely here to cook and clean and follow orders for the strong righteous man. And we never ever ever were allowed to drive.

Ugh, gag me with the caveman stuff here. The one time I had gotten the courage to ask Charlie if I could also have a car, he told me no. There was no need for me to have a car. Then I asked if I could get my license, and Jasper and I could share that car. We could take turns driving it, and I could even make a schedule, I told him. I had laughed a little, saying _I could probably teach him a thing or two about good driving etiquette_. Of course, it had been a joke. Jasper would have had no problem sharing with me, and he was not that bad of a driver. He just had a short temper when it came to other drivers. Charlie had turned and stared at me for a moment then he quoted 1 Timothy 2:12, "_But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet," _and then he'd turned and walked away... end of discussion, apparently.

"Yes, sir," we both replied at the same time

"Alright then, get a move on. I will be in the office at the church if you need me." And with that, he headed out of the kitchen

I jogged up the stairs, thankful for the new, energized feeling I had. Thank you, coffee. I opened my closet to see only a few pieces of clothing remaining. I had packed up most of my clothes already, so there were just a few selections left to choose from.

I picked up a dress I hadn't seen in a few years and wondered if it would still fit me. It was sleeveless, so this would probably be the last chance I would get to wear it, considering Forks was probably covered in snow most of the time. I pulled it over my head and zipped it up the side. It was a little shorter and a little tighter than I remembered, but overall it fit pretty well. I found some white strap sandals to match the summer feel of the dress, and headed to the bathroom to try and work on my hair.

About thirty minutes later, Jasper and I were headed out of the door to go to church. The ride there was somewhat surreal. I was having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this would be my last Sunday here. This is the last time I would travel to this church. The church I have been attending since I was born. And in two days, I would be moving from the only home I have ever known. I told myself I would definitely be going to the alter to pray today, to ask God for guidance and strength in this new path my life is taking.

**A/N: Don't be afraid to leave me some love :) Hit that green button and leave a review. They make me smile!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own twilight.**

**Again a big thanks to mfrancesj for all her help!**

**Give me some love and I will post the next update tomorrow.....and we will finally hear from our loved Edward.**

Jasper and I arrived about twenty minutes early to church. As we pulled into the parking lot I could see a few of the members that had arrived early as well, standing out front talking. I snickered to myself.

"Care to share?" Jasper gave me a questioning look

I pointed to the group of ladies standing off to the side. Miss Betty the church Pianist was apparently talking up a storm, she had her head shaking from side to side and her arm waving around vigorously.

" No better place to gossip than church" I replied with a light chuckle

Jasper rolled his eyes "Well at least we can rest assured that after today we should not ever be a topic of gossip here again"

I let out a audible huff "Yeah maybe not here but in hick town, it's a given"

Jasper put his arm around my shoulder and rubbed soothing circles in my arm with his finger. I laid my head back against the head rest. Jasper could always help me calm my fears.

"Tell me what it is that you are so afraid of baby girl" Jaspers smooth voice only helped to ease my tension

"The ...unknown? I guess." It came out as more of a question than a answer "The uncertainty of how I will be accepted, and what will be expected of me. The pressure to live up to all the expectations when I don't even know what they are yet. I mean , new house, new school, new church, new people...it's all kind of overwhelming"

I looked up to see Jasper's face. He was starring straight ahead out of the window "What if they don't like me, Jazz?" I knew it made me sound small and unconfident but I needed reassuring here.

Jasper turned to look at me and I could see the twinkle in his eyes. He grabbed my chin and said "A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep."

I couldn't help the small grin that graced my lips " And, oh smart, deep one, where did you hear that?"

He let out a soft chuckle " I read it in a book by Vernon Howard, when I was going through my self help phase"

I had to laugh because I remembered that phase all to well. He needed to be one with himself and nature and only talked in quotes by famous dead people. It was a quite fun era.

" Ohh Please tell me another" I begged while I poked him in the side with my finger

He gently pushed my shoulder " Ok wise ass, one more then outta my car" He looked deep in though for a moment then quoted James Dean "_Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."_

"Oh I like that one, Maybe I should start calling you Mr Miyagi..._...wax on...wax off...wax on...wax off_" I laughed out loud at my own joke

He looked at me like I had two heads. He apparently didn't find it as funny as I did.

Still laughing I hopped out of the car and started making my way to the entrance of the church. Mrs. Betty stopped talking when she saw me walking by her.

"Oh Isabella came here and give me a hug, we are going to miss you all so very much" I hated how all of the older patrons of the church called me Isabella, no matter how many times I had corrected them and told them I preferred Bella

I returned the one armed hug "Yes Mrs. Betty I am going to miss all of you so very much, You have been such an important part of my family for so long"

Once I had chatted for a moment and given all the ladies in the group a hug I made my way in the church. Only to be stopped about ten more times before I ever made it to the pew Jasper was saving me a seat at.

We went through the customary three hymnal songs, and the church announcements. The choir sang their special, and my father approached the pulpit. I am not even sure what scripture he asked everyone to turn to. I was not paying him a bit of attention. I was looking around at everyone, everything. Taking in the sights and smells one last time.

I was truly going to miss everyone here and it was starting to hit me that this was really the end. Then I started thinking about Jasper's words of encouragement..."_Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."_ There was so much meaning in that short statement.

It really made me think, if I died today, would I look back and be happy with my life. Heck no. I mean sure I made very good grades and I was in church every time the doors opened, but other than those facts I had no life experience. I had a feeling like I was missing out on a lot of important parts of life. Did this mean that I had lost my faith or that I didn't give my devotion to God. I don't think so. Just because I was questioning my self, didn't mean I was questioning my faith, right?

It was times like these, when I am so confused with life it's self that I really miss my mother. If she were here she would know exactly what to say and what push I would need in the right direction.

I must have been lost in my thoughts longer than I thought because before I knew it my father was saying the dismissal prayer and people were rising out of their seats.

We took our time outside saying our final farewells and good lucks to everyone. My father had told me and Jasper to go head home and work on packing. He was going to be at the church most of the day packing up his office.

Once we were home Jasper and I headed in our separate directions to change clothes and pack up our rooms. After I had changed I went downstairs to fix myself a sandwich, my stomach had embarrassingly growled a few times during church, thanks to my not having time for breakfast this morning. Then I started packing up some of the stuff in the kitchen, and eventually moved into the living room. When I ran out of boxes down here I plopped down on the couch and looked at the clock. It was nearly 4:00. I started to get curious as to what Jasper had been doing for so long, so I made my way up the stairs toward his room.

When I made it up the stairs I could hear the faint hum of his guitar behind his bedroom door. I walked up and knocked softly. I didn't want to disturbed him but I also didn't want to just barge into a teenage boy's room. I may a bit naive but I am certainly not stupid.

I herd the guitar stop playing followed by "Come in"

I creaked the door open to see Jasper laying on his bed, leaning on his head board, guitar in arms.

I made my way over to sit on the end of his bed "What ya playing?"

He looked at me disbelieving for a moment then replied "Free Bird" like I should have known what he was talking about. I shook my head to show him I had no idea who free bird was

He huffed in annoyance "Jesus Bella, Free Bird, by Lynyrd Skynyrd"

I know he didn't mean to, but he made me feel very dense. "Sorry Jazz, you know I am not allowed to listen to secular music." And it was true Charlie only allowed me to listen to gospel music. On the occasions I rode anywhere with Jasper we rarely had the radio on, we were always talking. So the few times I had listened to him play his guitar are the only times I got to hear non gospel music. Jasper never played when my father was home because same went for him, he wasn't supposed to be listening to anything but gospel much less playing anything else. But I do love hearing him play, so I was grateful I was getting the opportunity today.

"Sorry Bells, I forget that unlike me you do follow the rules" he said while nudging my leg with his foot

"It's fine, please keep playing I want to hear the song now, that it is apparently such a big deal" I reached up and grabbed one of his pillows and situated myself comfortably on his bed.

He started strumming again. The melody was enticing, and I could feel myself getting lost in the rhythm. After a few minutes he started to hum , then a minute later in a raspy voice he began to sing

I_f I leave here tomorrow  
Would you still remember me?  
For I must be traveling on, now  
'Cause there's too many places  
I've got to see  
But, if I stayed here with you, girl  
Things just couldn't be the same  
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now  
And this bird, you'll can not change_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh  
And the bird you cannot change  
And this bird you cannot change  
Lord knows, I can't change  
Bye, bye, baby it's been a sweet love_

Once he finished the song I could feel all my emotions bubbling over the surface. I had to take a moment to pull myself back together.

I finally looked up and met his eyes " Jasper that was really good! I am amazed at how good you are with that thing"

He let out a dry laugh "This Bella, This is not a thing, this is a Gibson SG. Please never ever call it a _thing_ again"

I had to laugh at his silly rant "Sure thing Jazz"

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I just starred at his ceiling lost in my own thoughts. I thought he had drifted off to sleep, I will never understand how he could sleep in the middle of the day and still sleep at night. If I ever take a nap during the day I can never get to sleep at night.

He startled me out of my daydream "Penny for your thoughts"

"Uhh.... I was just thinking about what it would be like to be as free as a bird,..... it's stupid I know" I could feel the blush creeping up after voicing my deliberation

He let out a sigh "Bella no one is stopping you from living your life, but you, you know that right?"

"Umm Jasper have you met Charlie, the baptist preacher, my conservative, overprotective father?" Now it was my turn to look at him like he had lost his mind

"Seriously Bells, I live in the same house you do, and yet I go places, hang out with friends, listen to whatever music I want to, the list goes on and on" He took a deep breath and started to talk again but I cut him off

"Yes _you_ get to do all of that, but come on you have to notice how differently he treats us. You get to have a license and a car so therefore you get so much more freedom. Seriously Jasper I just wish I could be someone completely different. I want to know songs when you play them, I want to know about fashion and have girlfriends to talk about it with at sleepovers, I want to have a boyfriend, I want to know how to dance and I want to go to a party....I.. I just want so much more to my life than what I have"

He studied me for a while before he spoke again "Well Bella there is no time like the present"

I am sure the look on my face showed how confused I was "what on earth are you talking about?"

Jasper cocked his head and a very mischievous smile graced his face "First of all I can teach you all my secrets. Do you know why I got a car Bella?"

I shook my head and whispered a low "no"

.

"Because I play sports after school, and I take guitar and piano lessons and I work on the weekends. How did I convince unc to let me do that? I told him I wanted to learn to play the instruments so I could play for the church. I told him I wanted a job so I could learn to manage my money and do my part by tithing ten percent. There was no arguing to that logic. When my schedule got to hectic he got me the car so I could drive myself. And do you know my lessons have been over for the last three months but I still tell him I am going so I can have free time to hang out with my friends and just do normal teenage stuff."

I was sitting there speechless starring at him with my mouth hanging wide open

He must have been able to tell I couldn't talk so he continued "And what have you been doing while I have been out living my life Bella? You have been studying, do extra credit reports, volunteering to every single organization at the church, memorizing bible verses and going on visitations with Charlie and all of this for no reason other than to try and impress your father"

"You want a new life, you want to be somebody new. This is your chance. We are moving to a place where nobody knows you. Nobody knows your past or what is in your future. You can be who ever you want to be. You can make mistakes and learn from them, just like everyone else in the world has to do. And that is what my definition of normal is"

"Bella I am saying this with as much love as possible because you are the most important person in the world to me but you need to listen ok"

Still speechless I shook my head

"Bella you need to quit hiding behind your father. You are using him as a crutch and it is holding you back. Life is scary but it is also fun as hell but you are going to miss it all if you don't start living your own life, and I will always be here right beside you, not to tell you what to do or how to do it but to help pick you up when you fall and to be here for you to lean on when you need me.....and to definitely teach you how to get away with shit so your father doesn't f ind out."

I had to laugh at his last statement. I loved how he could be serious and silly with me at the same time.

"Jasper, one question" I could feel my temper rising " Why haven't you ever told me about any of this before? How could you be out doing all this fun stuff, and having a life while I have been sitting here rotting away?"

He looked at me with distress evident in his eyes "Bell's I had to wait until you were ready. If I had come to you and offered to sneak you out to a party or tried to convince you to lie to your father you would have rejected the idea whole heartedly" He drew in a deep breath "Darlin you were happy with your life the way it was, granted that is the only thing you have ever known, so you really didn't know what you were missing. But in the last few months I have noticed a change in you. A spark that is growing. A girl inside there that is just dying to get out and see what it is like to really live. But I had to wait until you were ready, it does not matter what I want, you have to be the one that wants to change."

Leave me a review and let me know your thoughts. Next chapter is EPOV.


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own Twilight......but I am going to see new moon today :)**

**So I know the first few chapters have been a lot of background work, but it needed to be done. Those of you that have read my other stories know I couldn't keep it tame for to long! Now we get to hear from Edward...yay**

**Again thanks to my beta Savannahbobanna and to mfrancesj for all of your help!**

**New Moon comes out today, I can't wait to see it, I hope everyone already has tickets!**

**Also today is my Birthday so grant my wish and leave me a review :)**

EPOV

Here I sit playing x-box against Jacob, just like any other typical afternoon. Today we are at my house because my parents are out of town until tomorrow, at some medical conference dad was speaking at.

We alternate between my house and Emmett's house because his parents are never home. His mom is off screwing the gardener or something, and his dad is always away on business trips aka spending time with his second family that no one is supposed to know about. Yeah it is fucked up but that's just how things work here in Forks.

We haven't been to Rose's house since freshman year, when we all ditched school and decided to go by her house to pick up some liquor. We were all a little shocked and all the guys were a lot turned on when we walked in on her mom having quite a orgy that included Mr. Bush the banker slash loan manager, Mr Newton who owns the hardware store, his wife, and Mr Cheyenne the mayor of our copious little town. Needless to say we did not get the liquor from her house that day.

We never really hang at Jacob's house cause his dad is disabled and is always fucking there. His mom is in and out of Rehab so you never know if she will be there strung out on God knows what or not. I must say though Jacob is able to score some fuckawsome shit when his mom does relapse, and she always does.

Honestly mine and Alice's parents are probably the only ones I know of around here who aren't double dipping. At least not that we know about, and I try not to think about that shit to hard.

"Fuck, man pause I gotta take a piss" Jake choked out, exhaling the smoke from the blunt he was smoking, just as I took out a sniper

I rolled my eyes and hit pause "Hurry the hell up man, i'm on a roll here"

Jake jumped up and headed toward the bathroom, taking the blunt with him, Fucker. No way I was putting my mouth on that after it had been in the bathroom with him. I picked up my glass of crown and coke and downed the last little bit in it. I looked around the room. On the couch across from me sat Emmett with Rose straitlaced him doing some nasty make out dry hump session. I internally groaned and looked away from them.

On the other side of the room sitting at the bar looking at some magazine shit was the tramp patrol. Lauren, Jessica, Tonya, and Jane. I wondered which one of them would be riding my dick tonight. There wasn't one girl that was worth a shit in this dreadfully inadequate little town that I haven't had yet. But really once you have had one you have had them all, cause really they are all just the same. Just a mold of a person throwing their shit in my face. No personality, no respect for them selfs, no intellect, and no drive to ever get the hell out of here. They will all follow in their parents footsteps. Marry for status, live dismal lives, drown themselves in alcohol, and fuck who ever they can find that they think will make them forget about how unhappy they truly are.

Me I had no plans to stay here after I graduated, and I hoped like hell my sister Alice would get out to. But while I am forced to endure this life for the next two years, I sure as hell intend to get my dick wet as often as possible.

Just as Jacob came back in and we resumed playing Call of Duty, I heard Alice bounding down the stairs. I could just imagine the scowl on here face when she noticed the tramp patrol here. They were not normally included in our little group, it was normally just Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jacob and I and occasionally who ever me n Jacob were fucking at the time. All the girl here knew me n Jake didn't commit. Emmett used to be in on our little fuck um and pass um club, but then Rose got boobs and he fell hard for her. He hasn't dabbled since they became exclusive over a year ago. I give him hell about it all the time but truth is I admire him for straighting out for someone he truly cares about. I sure as hell don't want anything like that but hey what ever floats his boat right.

I could hear Alice mumbling something about _nasty whores_ and _having to disinfect_ as she made her way over to the couch to sit behind Jake and I.

I couldn't help but laugh at her. "Alice be nice" she knew I was teasing and couldn't care less if she was a bitch to any of those girls or not. They didn't mean shit to me, just a warm spot to park my dick for a while.

Alice let out a loud huff "Whatever Edward, I just wanted to let you know mom and dad called a little while ago and they said not to forget about the church bbq tomorrow night. It is the welcome dinner for the new pastor and his family"

I immediately hit pause and turned to look at her "What! You have to be fucking kidding me. It is the last weekend of our summer Vacation and they expect us to spend it at church? No way in Hell that is happening"

Emmett chuckled from the couch and I turned to glare at him. "What the hell is so funny?"

Emmett just shook his head "Dude just chill out, you know you are going to be there ,right along with me and Jake. As sons of the very distinguished Deacons of the church is is our duty to welcome the Holly Roller family into the community" his voice was dripping with sarcasm

"And besides" Tonya said while sauntering over to me and slipping behind my back "Ben is having a end of summer party at his place, we can all head over there after the church thing, cause you know all the parents will be hitting the country club after to make up for the time they couldn't be drinking on church grounds" She said all of this as she slid her arms around my waist then began sucking on my ear.

I guess now I knew who I would be warming tonight. Tonya was a lousy lay but she could give one hell of a blow job. Just as I was in my dreamland contemplating getting blown by Tonya then hittin Jessica from behind I felt Tonya snake her arms down and start rubbing me over my jeans. Now while yes I do love pussy and shit, it is nothing special from any of the girls in this town and is definitely not worth losing my game over or getting a hard on in front of my sister. See these fucking girls have no class. So I moved her hands and picked up my glass and sent her to do a re-fill on my crown and coke. She gave a little huff but did not complain. She knew she could be easily replaced. Any of the girls here would be willing to take her place in a moments notice. I hit play to resume the game once again.

As soon as Tonya walked away Alice started "Ugg Edward that is just nasty, where are your standards?"

"Really Ali, who would you suggest? They are all the same here, just different names and different color hair"

"That's not true" Jacob butted in "Jane has that birth mark on her ass that no one else has"

I shook my head and laughed.

Alice didn't give up "While that may be true Edward one day you are going to meet your soul mate and you are going to regret all these floozies you have been with"

Now it was Emmett's turn to laugh "Yeah ,ok, Edward is going to find his soul mate and settle down. Sorry but that is never happening Ali Cat. He gets bored to easily. One woman will never be enough for him"

Alice shook her head in disagreement "You will see one day the right woman is going to come and knock him off his high horse. Mark my words, one day Edward Cullen will be a tame man."

Now everyone in the room erupted in laughter. Even I couldn't help but laugh at Alice's prediction. She was crazy if she thought I would ever settle with one woman. I had no desire to even try. I refused to even commit to being anyone's boyfriend much less commit a life to my supposed soul mate.

"You can all laugh if you want, but just watch and see" I could tell Alice was getting annoyed by our disregard to her concept "It might just even be the new girl that is moving here"

That got Rose's attention fast "What new girl?"

Alice had a very smug look on her face, apparently happy with herself for knowing something none of us were aware of yet " Well mom just told me that apparently the new preacher is not coming alone he has a daughter that is our age, and his nephew that lives with him that is also our age"

Again everyone burst out in laughter Emmett was the first to recover enough to be able to speak "You...you think Edward is going to fall for the preachers daughter?" He was barely able to get the words out before he started laughing again

"They say preachers kids are the worst of all, she may give you a run for your money Eddie Poo, maybe you should invite her to the party after the church thing and we can see what she is really made of" I couldn't tell what Rose's end game plan was but it was obviously something to benefit her if she was contemplating including another girl, especially a new one into our Saturday night Party routine. These parties are usually by invite only so none of the lower class will try to mingle with our crowd.

But one thing I was sure of. I was tired of talking about this shit. So as Tonya returned with my crown and coke I hopped up, threw the controller to Em and grabbed Tonya's arm and led her up the stairs toward my room.

**Next update they finally meet :)........I will be out of town this weekend so next update will be in a few days**

**Leave me a review and let me know what you think so far :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns , I just want them to get laid more :)

A/N

Sorry this took a little longer than planned to get out to ya, RL got a little hectic with Thanksgiving and all. But this chapter is super long so I hope that makes up for it :) I should have split it in two chapters but I thought I would see how you liked the longer ones.

The next chapter is already done so it should be out fairly quickly.

Huge great big thanks to mfrancesj who totally held my hand on this one:) I couldn't have done it without ya!

And thanks to my beta Savannahbobanna for fixing my many mistakes and for not complaining when I kept changing this chapter and re-sending it to her.

I will have a few rec's at the bottom, Please Leave a review :)

BPOV

Thank the Lord it is finally Saturday. These last few days have been hard, to say the least. Sunday night, after Jasper and I had our heart to heart talk, I went to my room to just have some me time and reflect on what it is that I really want. Charlie came home late that evening and called me into his study. I got reeled from one end to the other on the outfit I had chosen to wear to church that day. According to Charlie, it was inappropriate and made me look like a harlot. He was disappointed and embarrassed by my decisions. So of course, he used his favorite bible reference Proverbs 20:11 _Even a child is known by his deeds, By whether what he does is pure and right. _

Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than hearing your father refer to you as _the modern day Jezebel. _What next? Was he going to throw me out of a window so I could be eaten by dogs? Even after trying to explain to him that most of my clothes were packed up already, and this would never be a problem again, he quoted Colossians 3:20 _Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. _This was his way of telling me to shut my trap and agree with what he was saying, even if I didn't really agree. So, yet again, end of discussion.

I have never been so thankful for a day to be over in my life. The next few days were spent packing, and cleaning out things we would no longer need in the cold climate of Washington. Once Tuesday morning finally rolled around, I said one final goodbye to my home of 17 years and bid farewell to life as I have always known it.

Charlie agreed to let me ride with Jasper on the long trip from Arizona to Washington. I have never been so relived. I don't think I would have survived the 26 hour drive listening to gospel music and Charlie reciting scripture.

Although the ride with Jasper was not at all what I was expecting either. We spent the first couple of hours just talking. We discussed our fears and our excitement involving the move. We talked about how I so desperately wanted to break out of my shell , and experience life instead of just existing. So Jasper and I came up with a game plan on how he was going to help me deceive Charlie, so I could _grow my wing and fly _as he put it.

He had explained to me that I needed to step out of my comfort zone of shy withdrawn Bella, and become more approachable and outgoing. He touched on my wardrobe, but after I explained my altercation with Charlie over the dress on Sunday, he just sighed and said we would work on it. He said I needed to be more up to date on the current "in" things for people our age. He decided to start with music stating, "It was social suicide to be 17 and not know any of the top 40 on MTV." He just blew out an exasperated breath when I asked what MTV was.

And so began my first music lesson. Can I just say I was totally unprepared? He decided to start with 'The oldies but Goodies'. According to him it meant they were older songs, but would always be around.

The first song he played was _Get Low_ by a very gangster looking gentleman named lil John. I asked if he was named after John the Baptist. Jasper just chuckled and said he didn't think so. To say I was stunned by the lyrics of this song would be an understatement. From the moment he screamed "_From the window to the wall till the sweat drop down my balls all you bitches crawl" _I had a permanent blush on my face that I didn't think would go away any time soon. Jasper just laughed and said he was schooling me in flavor 101.

Then he moved on To _Party and Bullshit. _I felt dirty just saying the name of that one_._ Then he decided to 'rock it up' and he played the dirtiest song I have ever heard, _Crazy Bitch. _My mouth was agape by the second verse on that one and I was rendered speechless for quite a while.

Thankfully, my mother had filled me in on the birds and bees talk before she had passed away, so, yeah, I knew the basics of what goes where, but holy Moses I have never heard sex in such a descriptive way. I cannot even begin to phantom how a pussy can pop, or how you can drop your ass down low... but I did find the metaphor I think it was by Eminem _I get more ass than a toilet seat _quite hilarious. I laughed for a while on that one. I was in complete shock that people could actually sing about this stuff, and not be embarrassed to the high heavens.

I think Jasper knew I wouldn't be able to handle much more so he moved on to some easier type music by Rhianna and some Britney Spears. And just so I would be up to date on all the facts he filled me in on the crazy world of Britney. Poor girl, I couldn't believe she actually shaved her head. I was going to have to remember to pray for her tonight.

By the time we pulled into the hotel after our 16 hour drive, I had been introduced to Eminem, 50 cent, Snoop Dog, Akon, Kid Rock, Black Eyed Peas, 3OH!3 and Guns N Roses. Those were just the ones I could remember. Needless to say, my dreams that night were filled with hoes, money and drugs. No wonder today's youth were so corrupted. I was kind of starting to second guess my decision to open up to worldly thing, but my father's devotion that morning helped me set my mind straight.

Of course we had to have devotion before we could get back on the road, or even eat breakfast for that matter. His scripture of choice for that morning was

Proverbs 4:10-11 _A child trained in biblical principles and God's way of life will avoid recklessness, violence, immorality, and rebellion against authority that often result in premature death. _

He then went on to explain that God spoke to him directly and told him what sermons to preach, what people to witness to, and how to direct us to live our Lives. He went into greater detail and basically said if we did as he said, thought as he told us to, and acted the way he wanted us to, then we would live long happy lives. But the moment we started to think for our selves, or make our own decisions based on our own judgment then we would be living outside the realm of God and we would surely be punished and die.

Jasper had looked at him, thoughtful for a moment, then replied to his statement "But unc, If we are living our lives the way the good Lord intended, then wouldn't he tell us directly what choices to make, I mean God does not make our choices, he lets us do that because a forced choice is no choice at all ." Jasper looked over to me and gave a wink. "Isn't that why he gave us a conscious, to be able to make decisions ourselves between good and evil? And if I'm not mistaken, the Good Book does say that God is a forgiving father and he does not expect us to be perfect, and that is why he gives us the option to repent"

I could immediately tell my father did not like being questioned about his doctrine. I wished I had the guts to speak up and help Jasper out, let him know I agreed with his theory. But I was way too afraid. Afraid of what I am not sure. I knew my father would never physically beat me, he didn't have many ways he could punish me because I didn't have a car or cell phone or any of the other things most people my age had. But still I was deathly afraid of him, especially to openly contradict him.

Needless to say, that was one long devotion. In the end I wish Jasper would have just kept his mouth shut, but he felt he had a point to prove, and the male ego in him would not let him drop it.

I was quite happy to be back on the road again Wednesday morning. Anything was better than listening to my father rant about how he is the head of the household and always right. Jasper played some more songs for me. He touched on Country, a little Jazz, and some R&B.

When we made one of our rest stops at a gas station, I went in to use the restroom and grab a soda. When I came back to the car, Jasper had a devilish smirk on his face. When I asked what was going on, he assured me all was fine. After Charlie topped off the u-haul and we were back on our way. Jasper told me to look under my seat. I was a little nervous but did as he asked and found a huge stack of magazines.

In this stack were several celebrity gossip magazines. I had given him the 'what the heck is this' look. He laughed and said "To fit in with people my age I needed to know what was going on in the world, and most importantly I needed to keep up with which actor was screwing which actress this week." I, of course, blushed, and read through all the gossip magazines. When I finished reading all the dirty laundry about every ones private lives, I read People then Vanity Fair.

The last magazine in my pile I was yet to know would become my new Bible, my best friend, my lifeline, and the one place I would turn to for all the girlie questions I had now and in the future. I still cannot believe Jasper actually went into the store and bought Cosmopolitan.

Right on the front cover, in bold letters, read Best sex ever: Positions you have never tried, sex tips from guys, 30 feisty foreplay tips. Also on the cover was How to start conversations, How to turn him on, How to attract men. I mean this book had it all. Everything I could ever want to know about guys, fashion, hair, makeup, more celebrity gossip, it even had question and answer's to things I have often wondered about but never had anyone to ask. Like I said, my new Bible. I had to figure out a way to subscribe to this without Charlie finding out.

I thanked Jasper a hundred times and told him how very much he meant to me, and how I could never live without him. Being the cocky guy that he is, he just grinned and said, "Yeah I know," ruffled my hair and told me he loved me too.

The second day, the trip seemed much shorter, but that could have been because I was so consumed with my smut magazines that time just seemed to fly.

When we finally reached our new home in Forks, it was super late, so we spent another night in a hotel just outside of Forks. Thursday we, well mostly I, cleaned the house from top to bottom. It was an older two story house. There were two rooms upstairs for Jasper and I and one bathroom we had to share. Charlie's room was downstairs and he had an office connected to it, so it worked out perfectly for him. The living room and kitchen were rather small and the entire inside really needed to be painted. But on the outside there was a nice size porch, with a swing. There was a large yard that led into some woods that I am sure would be lots of fun to explore.

We had spent the remainder of the time unpacking and trying to get things organized. My room was about half way done. Jasper still had boxes everywhere in his room and he didn't seem to care much about it. We took a small family outing on Friday afternoon to scope out the town. Most of the homes looked rather well to do, so I was assuming this was a wealthy community. We found the only diner in town and grabbed a quick bite to eat, then made our way to the only grocery store so I could stock up on some food.

And now it is Saturday and here I stand, checking myself in the mirror one last time before my father, Jasper and I head to the church for the first time. Some of the members of the church had thought it would be a nice welcome thing to start off with a banquet. It must be a Baptist thing, because it seems we are always finding a reason to _meet to eat_.

I had originally put on a khaki skirt that came down to my ankles and a long sweater. Jasper had seen me as I was about to make my way down stairs, and he gave me one look and said, "Absolutely not Bella, remember what we talked about; first impressions are everything. Go right back in your room and change at least into a pair of Jeans." So I did. I put on my jeans, changed to a light blue v-neck long sleeve shirt, put my hair in a ponytail, and even put on a little lip gloss. I hoped to the high heavens Charlie would not notice. When I emerged from my room for the second time, I looked to Jasper for acceptance. He nodded and gave me a thumbs up. I guess that was as good as I was going to get.

Thankfully, Charlie didn't notice the lip gloss, and he didn't say anything about my choice in wardrobe. He was so absorbed in his own little world; I don't think he even looked at me. He must be just as nervous as I am. The ride to the church was completely silent. Everyone was too lost in our own thoughts to even speak.

When we arrived at the church there were already a lot of cars in the parking lot. The church was much smaller than what I was used to, but it looked very well kept up. As we stepped out of the car, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. Jasper took one look at me and knew I was about to lose it. He quickly wrapped me in a hug and whispered in my ear, "Everything is going to be ok, I will be right beside you the whole time. You just need to keep breathing, and I am positive everyone will love you."

Charlie, on the other hand, being the great father that he is, shook his head in disgust and said "Isabella, now is not the time for your Drama Queen antics. Stop acting like such a baby." He walked off, heading for the door.

I could feel Jasper tense up, and his hands form into fist. I quickly shook it off and told him I was fine. On top of everything else, I did not need Charlie and Jasper going at it in the church parking lot.

We were met at the Social Hall door by a very handsome man. He shook our hands and introduced himself as Carlisle Cullen, Head Deacon at First Baptist of Forks. My first thought was, _Man oh man, if the deacons look like that, I cannot wait to see what the rest of the members look like. _I immediately scolded myself for even thinking that way, especially about a man of God. I will surely have a lot to repent for tomorrow at church.

Mr. Cullen ushered us in and announced to everyone that we were here. Immediately everything fell silent, and all eyes fell on us. I knew my face was beat red. I hated being the center of attention. I quickly scanned the room. There were maybe about 75 people here, and all of the teenagers seemed to be congregated together in the back corner. I briefly wondered if I could just run to them and beg for them to like me. But I knew it would never work, and I would never do it anyway, so I stood there in the awkward silence of the Baptist social hall.

Carlisle placed his hand on my lower back and gestured for us to follow him. "Where are my manners? Please, follow me and I will make introductions."

The first person he introduced us to was his wife, Esme. She quickly pulled me into a hug. "Oh, Isabella dear, it is so nice to meet you," she said.

I hugged her back, feeling a bit awkward. "It is nice to meet you as well, but please call me Bella."

She gave me the sweetest smile. "Of course, Bella." She moved on to hug Jasper, then to shake Charlie's hand.

Carlisle led us around the huge room, introducing us to all the members there. I was thankful that he began introducing me as Bella instead of Isabella, and I hoped that would stick in everyone's mind.

There was no way I was going to remember everyone's name, so I was trying to make a game of it. For example, Mr. Newton had a huge nose so when I looked at him I would see his nose and remember N for nose and Newton. Yeah, it is lame but whatever helps.

We finally made our way to the back corner to the teenagers. I was so nervous could feel my hands begin to shake. I just wanted desperately to bolt out the door and never look back. There were 10 or so of them sitting around a table. I had not noticed anything about them because I had been staring at the ground while Carlisle told them who we were.

I looked up as he started telling us who each one of them was.

He pointed to a blond haired boy sitting in the first chair on the right side. "This is Mike Newton; his family owns the hardware store here in town."

Yep, Newton, I could tell it in the nose.

Mike stood and shook Charlie and Jasper's hand, then took my hand and brought it to his lips for a quick peck. He looked up and his blue eyes met my shocked ones. "It is very nice to meet you Bella"

I managed to squeak out a "likewise," and then he sat back down.

Carlisle moved around the table introducing Lauren, Jessica, and Tonya. None of them even bothered to look at me, but they were starring pretty intently at Jasper. I will have to remember to tease him about that later.

Next was Jacob. Wow he was a lot of boy. He had nice dark skin and long dark hair. I assumed he was from Indian descent. He gave a small wave, gave me a wink and said "Hi"

I could feel my cheeks burning. Jeez, just a wink and I blush. I hoped nobody else noticed or I may just die of embarrassment.

Next was Rosalie Hale. My mouth fell open just looking at her, she had to be a supermodel. I had never seen someone so beautiful in my life. She didn't say anything to us. She looked me up and down and then turned back around in her seat. Well I guess we won't be best friends for life any time soon.

Sitting next to her was a nice looking guy Carlisle introduced as Emmett. He stood and shook all of our hands. He towered over me, and I have to admit I was a little intimidated.

When Emmett sat back down in his chair, my eyes moved to the person sitting next to him. When my eyes locked with the prettiest twinkling emerald green eyes I have ever seen, my heart literally stopped beating. He held my gaze for a moment, gave me a nod, and then turned his attention to Jasper. Carlisle introduced him as his son Edward as I took a moment to look him over. He had wild coppery bronze hair, beautiful pale skin, and his lips oh sweet Jesus his lips.

"And sitting next to him," said Carlisle with a huge smile on his face as he walked over to a petite girl with spiky dark hair, "Is my baby girl Alice"

I was momentarily caught off guard as Alice jumped out of her chair and ran over to me embracing me in a hug. "It is so great to meet you Bella, I just know we are going to be great friends."

I tried to get my emotions under control as I hugged her back. "That sounds wonderful, Alice." I was so happy I could have literally cried. I had my first friend.

She moved on to Jasper and then my father, hugging them as well.

After she finished hugging my father, who had a huge smile on his face, she turned and grabbed mine and Jasper's arms, leading us back to the table.

"You two can sit with us so we can get to know each other better," she more demanded than asked

I turned to Charlie, who nodded in acceptance then he turned to walk away with Carlisle.

"This is James," Alice said pointing to the last boy in their group, "But he is nothing special, so don't worry about him" she said with a giggle

James cocked his head towards her, gave her a half smile and said. "That is not what you said last night while I was pounding your pretty little body."

Alice just rolled her eyes and gave him a "whatever" reply.

I know my eyes had to be as huge as saucers when I looked over to Jasper. He gave me a quick head shake, I guess telling me to let it go.

We sat down and Alice started talking a mile a minute, asking so many questions I would never remember what they were to be able to answer them all.

Finally Jasper let out a chuckle. "Wait a minute, Darlin, you have to slow down."

All eyes turned to him, and everyone starred. I wondered if maybe we were not supposed to speak.

Rosalie was the first to speak up. "She is always like that, you get used to it after a while."

Alice did not even acknowledge her statement but put all of her focus on Jasper "I love your southern accent, but I thought you were from Phoenix" I could tell she was really confused

Now it made scene why everyone stared, they were not expecting his southern drawl.

"Well we did move from Phoenix, but originally im from Texas" He explained with a little more twang than necessary.

Alice turned to me "And you Bella are you from Texas as well?"

I cleared my throat and tried to appear as calm, cool, and collected as possible "Um no I have lived in Phoenix my entire life, same house and all, well up until now"

She moved on and asked about how our trip here was and if we were excited about school. I tried very hard to participate as much as possible in the conversation. A few others at the table seemed to be listening in while the others talked amongst themselves. But no one else included themselves in the conversation.

I kept stealing glances and the beautiful bronze haired boy with the amazing lips. I caught him looking up at me a few times but he would quickly look away when I caught him.

Finally Jasper broke the ice by looking across the table at the guys "So, what do yall do here for fun?"

Everyone let out a little laugh then I heard a velvety smooth voice "There is absolutely nothing to do in this shit hole town but drink and fuck."

I looked up to see who was talking caught off guard by the vulgarity of the statement. And of course it was the bronze haired God. I should have known he would be too good to be true. No one can look that good and be a good Christian boy too.

His eyes met mine and he cocked his eyebrow at me "So tell me Bella, what do you like to do for fun?"

I sat there speechless for a few moments stunned by the innuendo in his statement.

"I… umm I... I think we have very different definitions of fun," is what came out of my mouth, although that is not what I intended to say.

He looked at me quite amused "Oh so you don't drink, or fuck, and here I thought we could have fun together?"

Jasper cleared his throat, clearly not happy with where this was going. "I think what she meant was, being a lady." He put a huge emphasis on the word lady. "She enjoys different things than a typical guy would, such as shopping, getting her nails and hair and stuff done. You know, girl stuff," he said, waving his hand around, gesturing that everyone should know what he was talking about.

Alice started bouncing up and down "Oh! This is great I love to shop and now I have a shopping buddy!"

I gave her my best fake smile and said "Yeah, ok" but knowing I was going to kill Jasper later because he knew I hated shopping, and there was no way Charlie would let me out of the house without him.

"Oh I almost forgot," Alice began, looking between Jasper and I, "There is a end of summer party at our friends house tonight, you two should definitely come with us!"

Everyone seemed to shake their head in agreement. I looked to Jasper terrified. There was no way on God's green earth that Charlie would let us go out to a party.

Then Mr. Cocky himself looked directly at me. "Only if that is the typical girl stuff that you enjoy doing, your father may have to remove your chastity belt before they let you in the party."

Now I was quite pissed. Who does he think he is, teasing me just because my father is a preacher. Normally I would have let it go and not said anything, but new Bella was not having any of that. Mr. cocky could just kiss my ass for all I cared.

I couldn't help but scoff. "You know, pretty boy, you come off mighty arrogant for someone who has no life besides drinking and fucking. You may want to actually get a life yourself before you start trying to belittle others." And then I turned bright red, whether it was because I accidentally called him pretty, or if it was because I said my very first curse word out loud, and it was a pretty bad one. I kept going. "And what I drink or who I fuck is none of your business, and unlike you, it does not define me, and I can promise you that you will never be on my fuck buddy list, so you can stop making the crude innuendos."

The look on his face first registered shock, then complete amusement. I just rolled my eyes and pushed my chair back and went and got in the line to fix my food.

He had me so frustrated I could just spit nails. It was exactly what I thought it would be like… people teasing me because of who I am, _the preacher's daughter. _And I absolutely cannot believe I dropped the f-bomb, like, 3 times. That is so not like me. But I was quite impressed with myself for actually standing up to him and his sinful lips.

I was distracted from my musing by someone coming up behind me and tapping my shoulder. I turned to, of course, find my best dream and worst nightmare all in one person.

He ran his hand through his already very messy hair. "Look, I'm sorry, I was out of line. I was being a dick, and I thought it would be fun to tease the preacher's kid. But you totally called me on my shit, and I really am sorry."

He looked to me for a response. "You are right, you were incredibly rude, and I am not some weak little girl, and just because my father is a preacher does not mean I am miss goody two shoes. I can handle my own and I will not tolerate you making fun of me." I of course was lying through my teeth. I was miss goody two shoes and I couldn't handle anything on my own.

"Fair enough, can we start over?" He held out his hand. "Hi, I'm Edward."

I couldn't help but smile as I shook his hand "Bella, nice to meet you."

He gave me a crooked grin that made my body want to melt. I would have to look into Cosmo about this feeling later. It reminded me of one of the songs Jasper had played for me _I wanna, li-li-li-lick you from yo' head to yo' toes_ mmmm. I wonder what he would taste like

Then he had to open his beautiful little mouth. "So you think I'm pretty huh?" Yep, cocky boy was back

I rolled my eyes "Yeah, but you are also cocky, conceited, egotistical and apparently a juvenile delinquent."

He let out a pretty loud laugh. "And you got all of that from our one conversation?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah, well, I am pretty good at reading people."

He shook his head but kept a smile on his face "So this party, are you gonna come? You really should, you will get to meet most of the people from our school... and I promise to be nice"

Looking in his eyes there was no way I could say no, but I knew Charlie would never allow it So I went with the first thing that popped in my head "I 'm not sure, i'll talk to Jasper and see what he wants to do."

By the time the we had returned to the table with our food, the other's were getting up to get in line. Edward ran back to get him a drink.

Jasper leaned over to whisper in my ear, "Everything ok, darlin'?"

I assured him all was fine. That I had put Mr. Cocky in his place and I would be ok.

"Good, good. So this party do you want to go?" He asked with hope in his eyes

"Oh, I definitely want to go, but you know Charlie will never in a million years allow it." I gave him the _have you_ _lost your freaking_ mind look.

He gave me a wicked smile "You just leave that part to me, and go along with whatever I say, got it Bells?"

I was very skeptical, but it was definitely worth a shot. So I told him sure thing.

He started to walk away then turned back to whisper in my ear again, "Great use of the verb Fuck, Bells. Now let's see how many different ways we can use it in a sentence."

Great now he was teasing me to so I innocently looked up at him "Umm… how about Fuck you?"

He let out a very loud laugh as he walked away.

_I totally love reading new stories on FF so if you know of any good ones or if you have a story let me know so I can read it:)_

_There are a few this week that have blown my mind so if you haven't yet go ck um out_

_Fourteen by crimsonmarie_

_Just Wait by InstantKarmagirl_

_Purgatory: Senior Year by Lou-La_

_WELL I HOPE YOU LIKED :) _

_LEAVE A REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS!!!_

Thanks,

Missy

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	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Stephanie Meyer does....But I let them drink and have sex before marriage...gold star for me :)**

**Ok first and foremost thank you everyone for your fuck-awesome reviews! You totally make me smile like an idiot every time I read one....so I decided I would start sending out teasers to everyone that gives me a review....cause you are fabulous and you deserve it!**

**Major thanks to Savannahbobanna and shortbritches85 for all your beta skills.**

**And big hugs to mjfrances for all your hand holding, I definitely could not do this without you :) And everyone should go check out her very hot story 'Player Hater, Player Lover' It really does rock and I just know she is writing a big juicy lemon in it just for me lol**

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**shimmerawards (dot)webs (dot) com **

**and vote for your favorite stories and authors.**

**One of my all time fav stories High Anxiety by EdwardsBloodType has been nominated for the cliffhanger award so if you have not read it yet go read it ...then vote for it :)**

**Yes I am aware I just promoted two stories but they are good ones and there will be more rec's at the bottom.**

**And yep this is the second update this week cause well im just good like that!Next Update should be the beginning of next week.....**

**So on with it**

EPOV

I grumbled and complained, but there was no way my parents were letting me get out of going to this stupid church function.

"Mom, come on, this is utterly ridiculous, I don't give a shit about meeting the new preacher or his Holy Roller family." I resorted to whining

She gave me the stern mother look. "Edward, you are going, end of discussion. And watch your mouth; it is very unbecoming to hear such filth!" She ran her hand over my unruly hair. "And honey, don't judge the kids too harshly. I am sure this is hard on them, moving to a new place, not knowing anyone, having to make new friends, and having to go to a new school during senior year. Please be nice, you never know, they could turn out to be great friends. Lord knows you could use a positive influence."

I huffed in annoyance, but knew I wasn't winning this battle.

She gave me a knowing smirk and started to walk out the room, but turned back around. "Oh, and honey, please try not to corrupt the preacher's daughter."

I threw my arms in the air"What is it with everyone and this preacher's daughter?"

She just chuckled as she walked out of the room.

All of this talk about this Preachers daughter had me on edge. I needed to get some bud and fast; so I could relax a little before I had to be social. I bet she was ugly as shit ,and probably had one of those holier than thou attitudes. I am sure she would be quite wholesome and virtuous. Any parents dream come true. Definitely not my type of girl, so why the hell did everyone keep mentioning her? I tell you why, to get under my skin and irritate the fuck out of me. And shit, it was working.

I arrived at the church just as the barbecue was beginning. I made my way to the back where all my other friends were. We were sitting there doing our normal BS, discussing the upcoming party, when out of the corner of my eye I saw my father talking to someone. It must be the new preacher, but I couldn't remember his name. My father stepped to the side and announced the arrival of the new family and that is when I saw her.

She was beautiful. She didn't appear to have a ton of makeup on or designer clothes, but her natural beauty just shined. She had her bottom lip pulled between her teeth and a blush crossing her face. Her blush gave a pink tone to her lips, she was having an effect on me like an aphrodisiac. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't pull my eyes from her. My father shuffled them around the room, introducing them to everyone and I found myself anticipating the moment they would be at our table.

"See something you like?" I turned to see my sister smirking at me.

"What the fuck ever Alice, I am just trying to figure out what back woods place they are from that it is acceptable to go out in public dressed like that."

She just rolled her eyes and turned back around in her seat.

They finally made it over to our table, and I was amazed that up close she was even more beautiful.

My father made introductions and I found myself wanting to kick Newton's ass for putting his lips on her porcelain skin. When my father finally got to me, I found myself staring into her deep brown doe eyes. She looked at me so intently, I felt as though she could see into my soul. I had to quickly look away before I attacked her and ravished her right here in church in front of both of our fathers.

I vaguely heard Alice invite them to sit with us. Great, now I had to figure out a way to control myself. I was in a haze, then I heard the sweetest voice I have ever heard. It was the brown eyed goddess saying she lived her entire life in Phoenix. Her voice reminded me of flowers blooming and birds chirping, and then I wondered when I went into vagina mode. This had to be fixed, so I resorted to my true self and decided to act like a dick.

When Blondie whatever his name was asked what we did here for fun, I put my two cents in saying drinking and fucking, then putting my attention on Bella and asking what she liked to do for fun.

She seemed very uncomfortable by my statement, and stuttered over her response. Although I was trying to get under her skin, I desperately wanted to hear her talk again so I asked her if she enjoyed drinking and fucking, letting her know I could comply with the latter.

Her cousin quickly let it be known that he was her protector, and he defended her. But I didn't let that stop me and when Alice extended the invitation to them to tonight's party. I made a snide comment about her having a chastity belt.

To say I was shocked by her comeback would be an understatement. She went into a full rant, telling me off. Her cheeks were fully flushed, and I could tell she was pretty pissed at me. But the only things I could register were that she called me pretty, which for some reason I found oddly thrilling. Sure, I know I look good, I have girls fawning over me on a daily basis, but the fact that this girl thought I was pretty made my head swell, and the other fact my brain seemed to focus on was that she said fuck quite a few times, which really turned me on.

She let out a huff and got up from the table and walked away.

I sat there, stunned to silence for a moment. No one besides family had ever talked to me like that.

Alice hit me in the back of the head. "For Christ sake, Edward, why do you have to be such a douche?"

Even Emmett let in on me. "Yeah, Edward, that shit was just uncalled for."

Jasper was giving me the evil eye, which made me feel like even more of an ass munch.

"Fuck guys, I was just playing around," I tried defending myself, but I truly did feel bad and knew I needed to fix this.

Alice gave me an evil glare. "I don't care if you do think you are God's gift to women, that was just disrespectful and you need to fix this now. Bella and I are going to be great friends, and I won't have you ruin it for me just because you are an ass."

"Okay, okay. I will go apologize." I threw my hands up in surrender.

"And mean it," Alice added as I was getting up from the table.

I made my way over to Bella, where she was standing in line. As I walked up behind her, and her scent hit me. I could have died and gone to heaven right then. She smelled sweet like lilac and lavender, but natural, not this god awful stuff the other girls covered themselves in, and I immediately wondered what she would taste like. I had to banish all thoughts of that before I was sporting a major hard on in church.

I apologized to her and I really did mean it. She went off on another tirade telling me how she was not a miss goody two shoes, and how she would not tolerate me teasing her. I found myself loving the fact that she called me out on my shit, and I enjoyed her feistiness. That was something none of the other girls around here did. They just took my shit, too afraid I would have nothing to do with them if they spoke their minds.

We managed to agree to start over and we made small conversation. Once we made it back to the table with our food and were joined by the rest of the group, conversation started back up like nothing had happened.

I pulled out my mini bottle of Jim Beam. From what I could tell of this evening so far, I was going to need some reinforcements. Bella eyed me suspiciously, but never said anything. After a moment, I offered her my cup insisting she give it a try. She took a very small sip and her nose scrunched up in the cutest way possible, and she quickly handed it back. Shaking my head I, lightly laughed at her.

Alice seemed to initiate most of the conversation by asking Bella and Jasper a ton of questions. I have to admit, I was listening intently because I wanted to learn everything I could about this intriguing girl. Everyone chimed in occasionally, keeping with the flow of conversation.

Jessica had somehow weaseled her way in between Emmett and I, and apparently did not like the attention Bella was getting. She was constantly huffing in annoyance or rolling her eyes. At one point, she leaned over to whisper in my ear, "Come on, let's get out of here and go back to my place, my parents won't be home for a while." She followed up that statement but sucking on my earlobe.

I made no attempt to hide my annoyance when I responded to her with a, "Not now, Jessica."

Even Rose got involved in the table conversation, and was telling Bella and Jasper all about school, which led to her talking about Emmett being the starting quarterback for Forks football team, and herself being the head cheerleader. She even mentioned that Bella should try out for the cheer squad. I got the image of Bella in that short little skirt in my head, and knew I would have to re-visit that later.

Bella let out a half laugh, half snort type of thing that I desperately wanted to hear her do again.

"What is so funny" James asked her. He seemed to be hanging on her every word, like I was.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to laugh. It just seems so cliché the quarterback and the head cheerleader…" But she quickly recovered her blunder "But you two do look great together. How long have you been dating?"

Rose, always one to love talking about herself, answered, "A little over a year."

Bella looked a little shocked. "Wow," she murmured. She turned to Alice. "So how long have you and James been dating?"

I choked on the food I was trying to eat as Alice spit out her drink she had just taken a swallow of. Everyone at the table except Bella and Jasper burst out laughing.

"Bella, sweetie, what in the world would make you think I'm dating James. I really can't stand him I would never, I repeat never, ever date him."

"Oh come on now, you are going to hurt my feelings," James said in between chuckles. Clearly he found this quite amusing.

Bella looked a little flustered "Oh well I just assumed ...I mean when you were talking earlier..." She trailed off and grabbed for her drink, taking a big swallow.

Recognition flashed across Alice's face. "Oh no, no, no, sweetie we are not dating, and we certainly are not… you know. He was just playing around. All the guys around here joke crudely like that, you will get used to it. But no, definitely not. Actually, most people around here don't date exclusively." Alice turned to glare at me, then put her attention back on Bella. "Well, except for Rose and Em, of course."

Bella seemed a little lost, but replied with an, "Oh, okay."

Something about the glare that Alice had shot me made me feel dirty. I reached under the table and removed Jessica's hand from rubbing up and down my inner thigh. She was getting entirely too close to where I wanted friction, and I knew once she started I would not have the will power to make her stop, and that is probably not something my friends and family want to witness while they are eating at church.

"So umm, Bella." Alice seemed to be looking for the right words. "Did you leave a boyfriend back in Phoenix?"

Bella blushed crimson red. "Um nope, no boyfriend left behind."

"And Jasper, any special lady left behind by you?" If I didn't know better, I would think Alice was digging for information

Jasper let a small laugh escape "No darlin', nobody I can't live without."

After that the conversation seemed to flow quite easily. I didn't talk much, I just listened, absorbing everything in. Occasionally, I had to remove Jessica's hand again. One thing I could say about the girl, she was persistent.

As we left the banquet hall that night, and everyone headed in separate directions to get ready for the party, I let my mind wander to the possibilities with Bella. She seemed like one hell of a girl. If I was being honest with myself, I really did want to get to know her better. I knew if I was my normal charming self I was sure I could get in her panties in a matter of hours tonight. But I know there is no way in hell I was doing any kind of commitment thing, and she didn't really seem like the one night stand type of girl, so I didn't see this ending well.

No, if I truly wanted to get to know her better, I had to go against everything I know and not try to fuck her. I have to do something I have never tried before, and try to be just friends with a girl. Something told me Bella was worth more than the hoes around here, and deserved to be treated differently.

So Operation "Be Friends with Bella" is underway. First mission, to get some pussy, so I am not thinking about hers all night.

As I scrolled through my blackberry and stopped on Jessica's number, I waged an internal battle...do I call her or not?

**My rec's for the week are....du du...dum...**

**Breaking Trinity by VvDead RosesvV**

**Married at 18 by AimeeBass**

**Both of these stories are just starting but they are oh so good. I am currently reading a bunch of good stories but I don't want to overload ya so I will give out a few each update :)**

**Don't forget to review!**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer :I do not own twilight or any of the characters**_

_**Ok so I know everyone hates the A/N so I will save most of the Blah blah for the bottom**_

_**Thanks to shortbritches85 for being an awesome beta......And thanks to mfrancesj for helping me along the way with this story :)**_

_**Thanks to everyone that is reading and for all my reviewers you mean so much to me!**_

_**This chapter is incredibly long, I just couldn't seem to stop. Lol. Hope you enjoy.**_

I TOTALLY SUGGEST LISTENING TO DANGEROUS BY THE YING YANG TWINS WHILE READING THIS :)

Chapter 7

BPOV

As everyone was finishing up eating, and people were beginning to make their way out of the social hall Jasper decided it was time to go talk to my father. I felt nervous for him, never in a hundred thousand years would I take the initiative to go ask my father for consent to attend a party. And my better judgment told me that was not what Jasper was doing either. I am almost certain he was lying to my father, and that thought scared me senseless.

What if he found out about the lie? What if he showed up at the party? What if he got so mad he spontaneously combusted? I could feel a panic attack coming, and I knew I needed to immediately calm down. Jasper said to trust him, and I did. It is just so unnerving but I guess this is a rite of passage of a teenager, lying, sneaking around, and going to parties. That thought made me smile a little, ok it made me smile a lot.

Jasper walked up with a stupid looking grin playing on his lips "Well Miss Swan, looks like you are going to be attending your first party tonight."

All of my nervousness was replaced with excitement. I actually squealed out loud and had to resist the urge to run around this social hall and hug everyone in here. A party, a real party. Me Isabella Swan is going to a real party. And then it hit me; immediate panic.

"Jasper how did you ever get Charlie to agree to this?" I wasn't a hundred percent sure I wanted to know the answer but I thought I should ask anyway.

Jasper cocked his head to the side and looked totally confused "Bella why wouldn't Charlie agree to let us go to a youth council meeting, you know so we can get acquainted with all the other members and learn about missions they are working on?"

My mouth dropped to the floor, I know it did.

"Jasper are you crazy? You lied to Charlie and incorporated a church function into it?" I was floored and was mentally trying to run the severity of this sin. Was this one I could ask a simple repentance for, or was this one worthy of burning in the fiery pits?

"Jesus Bella calm down, it was a little white lie. Nothing big. You said you wanted to go to this party if you have changed your mind there is still time to back out" He stared intently at me awaiting my answer.

I took a few minutes to think things through as I tried to calm my breathing down. As scared as I was I knew I would never back out. I had already made a deal with myself that I wanted to experience everything at least once in this lifetime and that started tonight...by going to my first party.

"Well I guess we are only breaking two of the Ten Commandments, so it can't be that bad right?" I asked while nudging Jasper with my shoulder.

He laughed and shook his head. "Anything you say darlin'. But we do need to get a move on so we can get home, and get some clothes before Charlie makes it back.

I gave him a puzzled look. Clearly I had no idea what he was talking about.

He let out a soft sigh."Bella, we need to change clothes before the party. Alice is going to run us by our house, we are going to go in, get a change of clothes then go to Alice's house to get ready. After the party we go back to Alice's change back into our original clothes before coming home." He gave me a nod like it all made perfect sense "See piece of cake."

It seemed like quite a lot of work to me, but I was trusting Jasper.

"So does Alice know you lied to Charlie?" I was quite curious to know who all was let in on our dirty little secret.

He nodded his head "Yes, I needed to have an alibi, she seems very trustworthy, and she promised she would not say anything to anyone. She is actually the one that suggested we get ready at her house"

About that time Alice came prancing up to us "You guys ready to head out?" She asked looking between Jasper and I.

I swallowed hard and reminded myself this is what I wanted. I looked to Jasper and nodded. He got a cheesy gin on his face and hopped up out of the chair, grabbing my arm and pulling me along with him.

Before we got to far he got a serious expression on his face and looked me straight in the eye "Now listen Bella, we are going to go tell your father we are leaving. You are going to tell him goodbye and that is it. Do not say another word. Until we work on your lying skills you are not allowed to participate in the scheming."

"W-wh-what if he asks me a question, I can't just bluntly ignore him Jazz" I managed to stutter out. This was all becoming too real now and I just knew Charlie would see right through me.

Alice grabbed my arm and started pulling me towards my father who was standing with a group of men talking "No worries, I'll help you Bella"

As we approached the group of men Alice let go of my arm and went up to her father, whom was standing beside Charlie. She snaked her arms around his waist as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. I heard him ask her quietly "What are you up to sweetheart?"

I watched this exchange and had a burning in my chest, I could feel my eyes swelling with tears I had to quickly look away. I wanted so badly for that to be me. I wanted my father to hold me in a loving embrace and ask me questions and act like he actually cared about the answer. What had happened to us? I remember a time when we laughed and played and I was proud to be a daddy's girl. A time when my mother was still here holding our family together. I had to compose myself or I was going to breakdown in front of everyone, and that would not be a pretty sight.

I cleared my throat and looked directly at Charlie then shot my eyes to the floor "Umm, dad I just wanted to let you know we are heading out"

Mr Cullen still having his arm wrapped around Alice's shoulder looked down to her "Where are all of you headed off to?"

It seemed like a simple question but Jasper and I froze. I think I even stopped breathing. But Alice seeming unfazed looked straight into her father's eye's and winked at him "Dad don't you remember we have a youth council meeting tonight. I am taking Bella and Jasper so they can meet every one and get familiar with how things work here" She seemed to get a gleam in her eye, then turned to Charlie "You know it may be pretty late when we get finished Pastor Swan, Bella and Jasper could just stay over at my house"

I turned to look at Charlie so I could gauge his reaction. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Alice nudge her father in his side. He looked a little shocked but spoke up "Yes, Charlie the kids are welcome to stay over, Jasper can stay in Edward's room, and Alice just loves having sleepovers."

I could tell by the look on Charlie's face that his wheels were a turning. I let myself fill with hope even if it was only for a moment.

"That won't be necessary; Bella and Jasper are to return home after the meeting." Charlie managed to say without the slightest hint of conviction

I immediately scolded myself for even having a flicker of hope. I knew Charlie would never agree to it.

We made it out of the social hall door in record time. Most of the others had already left and I assume they were getting ready for this end of summer party.

"Alice, just wondering, how many parties go on around here?' I was truly curious

"Oh someone throws a party just about every weekend, but we only go to certain ones" She locked eyes with me "We don't want to be slummin it Bella." I am sure she could see the shock on my face before I could compose myself.

She turned back to watch the road and continued ."I don't mean it in a bad way, it's just me and my friends and our families, well we are well respected in this town. We have a reputation to uphold. If we were to lower our standards and associate with the lower class we would lose that reverence. Respect is the one thing that once you lose it, you will never be able to get it back, well that and virginity I guess, but you see my point?"

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry "Um.. but Alice you do know that we are not by any means any type of high class, I am seriously broker than a hobo on crack."

Alice let out a loud boisterous laugh "Silly Bella, it's not all about the money, and besides you are whatever I say you are, and I say: me and you, we are going to be great friends, and you are already accepted in our group"

Jasper spoke for the first time since we had gotten into Alice's car "And who all exactly is in your group" he made air quotations around the word and I had to giggle at him.

Alice looked at him through her rear view mirror "Well mostly just the people that were at our table tonight. Minus the sluts they are just there for entertainment" She cleared her throat "They are kind of like the fluffer's of our group."

Jasper and Alice burst out laughing and I just sat there looking at them trying my hardest to figure out what was so funny.

Jasper was the first to be able to speak "OK now I will never be able to look at them without laughing in their face"

I turned in my seat to face him."I don't get it Jazz, what's so funny"

Jasper's face turned a bit red and then his mouth opened and closed a few times before anything actually came out "Shit Bella, a fluffer... is a.. umm.. a..."

Before he ever got anything out Alice cut him off "How about me and Bella have this discussion latter, we are here and I need to help her pick out some clothes."

Jasper looked quite relieved and bolted out of the car and into the house.

Alice followed me into my room. I was busy pulling clothes out of my closet and out of a few boxes I still had left to unpack while she looked around.

"Bella we should totally dedicate a day to decorating your room" She said as she ran her finger down the Pepto-Bismol pink wall.

I could feel my face blush "Oh no Alice you don't have to do that, I will get around to it one day."

"Nonsense, it will be fun" She practically sang while strolling over to my bed to see what I had laid out.

She took one look and shook her head "Umm ...no sweetheart, this stuff won't work, what else do you have?"

"Nothing, this is it besides a few skirts I have but they all come down to my ankle, and when I tried to wear one tonight Jasper stopped me and said something about first impressions being everything." I was rambling but I was a little caught off guard but her distaste for my clothing

"Ok, well we will definitely have to have a shopping trip soon." Was her reply

I shook my head who was I kidding. This would never work "Alice listen, I need to talk to you." She sat down on my bed and gave me her full attention

"You seem like such a nice person, and I wish things were different, I really do, but you are wasting your time with me here. We will never be able to really be friends. I won't be able to have sleepovers with you, or spend hours on the phone with you, or go places to hang out after school. I will never be permitted to go shopping with you, my father would never allow it, and even if I was able to shop with you I would never be able to buy cute and trendy clothes. My father believes every part of a woman should be covered at all times"

She just sat starring so I continued "He um refers to 1 Timothy 2:9-10 _Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness" _I quoted while rolling my eyes.

I could see the shock on her face although she was trying hard to hide it. But I continued. I have made it this far I might as well lay it all out for her "I have never in my life been to a party, or danced, or smoked or even had alcohol... well up until tonight when your brother gave me a sip of his drink."

I waited a moment and swallowed loudly "So I completely understand if you don't want us tagging along tonight, seeing as how it would just be a waste of your time, and I am a total lost cause."

Alice immediately jumped off the bed and grabbed me in a tight hug. "Bella you would never be a waste of time, and you are definitely not a lost cause we will figure it all out ok?" I had to wipe a stray tear away. I couldn't believe I really had a real friend, and she was amazing. I managed to nod my head

She let out a loud sigh "And we will begin with your clothing issue" she tapped her chin as she thought this over. I swear it seemed she was trying to come up with a solution to solve world hunger with as much thought as she was putting into my wardrobe.

"Where are those skirts you mentioned?"

I led her to the closet and she thumbed through my clothes finally grabbing a long jean skirt off of a hanger. I raised my eyebrows in shock she just winked and told me to trust her.

As she was looking through my shirts on my bed she dropped everything in her hand and gasped. "Bella it just registered, did you say my brother gave you a sip of his drink?

A bit shocked that, That was what she got out of my whole speech I nodded to her "Well yeah, but it was incredibly nasty so I only took a small sip and then gave it back."

Her eyes grew bigger, if that was even possible "Did he drink it after you?"

Ok now I had the feeling she was losing her mind "Um yes he did, I don't have any diseases or anything"

She gasped then jumped up and down and clapped her tiny hands as though I had just given her a million dollars.

"No Bella, I know that.. I am just shocked is all, my brother is a very picky and germafobic type of person. He doesn't ..um...swap spit."

I furrowed my eyebrows tying very hard to stay on the same page as her but it was not working "What?"

She laughed a little more "Um Edward is very against oral to oral contact. He doesn't share drinks or even kiss girls for that matter. So the fact that he let you drink out of his cup then drank after you is kind of mind blowing"

I sat on my bed and contemplated the randomness of this and what it could possibly mean while Alice picked out a few shirts.

Jasper came in my room a few minutes latter "Are you beautiful ladies ready to go?"

I rolled my eyes as Alice blushed slightly.

Alice grabbed the pile she had made on my bed "Yep, let's get to my house so we can start getting ready"

It took us about ten minutes to make it to her house. If that was even what it is. It could probably be considered more of a castle. I have never seen anything so big. I had to forcefully make my mouth close.

We went up the steps and through the door into the foyer where Alice removed her shoes and jacket so Jasper and I followed her lead. The floors were tile, and the walls were painted an antique ivory color. The home was beautifully decorated with family pictures, sculptures and plants everywhere.

We followed Alice into what I am guessing was their living room and to the bottom of the stairs. I couldn't help but stop and stare. "It is so big"

"Yep that's what she said." Said a male voice then he busted out laughing

I turned to see Emmett's head pop above the couch. Alice rolled her eyes and told Jasper he could hang down there with Emmett while we got ready. He agreed and seemed quite thrilled when he saw he was playing some type of video game thing.

Alice grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs to her bedroom. Her room definitely fit her personality. It was kind of wild it seemed to have a cheetah print theme going on. She had a few mannequins in one corner covered with different clothes.

"What are these for?" I asked walking over to them

"I want to one day be a famous fashion designer, and about a year ago I though there is no time like the present, so when I have free time I work on different designs. I have even submitted a few ideas to a fashion company in New York and they were very interested and asked for my portfolio" She kind of shrugged it off like it was no big deal.

"That is really great Alice, that you take that kind of initiative." I was truly amazed by this little pixie girl.

Now what she did next did not thrill me so much. She took a pair of scissors and cut well over half of my jean skirt off. Completely off. Like part of it fell to the ground.

"Oh my God Alice, what are you doing?" I half screamed half cried

"Shh Bella trust me" she spent a few more minutes cutting it making it even, then grabbed one of my shirts and cut the bottom off of it.

She told me to go into her bathroom and change, which I begrudgingly did. Once I put the skirt on I knew there was no way I could wear it in public. I had never worn something so short in my life. I stood in the bathroom for quite a while trying to get my breathing under control.

Finally there was a knock at the door. "Bella, sweetie is everything ok?"

I opened the door and was shocked to see Alice and Rosalie standing there. They were both re-dressed and looked drop dead gorgeous. I wanted to find a hole and crawl in it. There was no way I could stand beside them and not be considered the ugly duckling.

"Um, Alice I don't think this is going to work" I said while trying to pull the skirt down a bit.

"Well we are not done yet, come sit in this chair. Rose you do her hair while I do her make-up"

And that is what I did. I was tortured for the next forty five minutes. Alice plucked my eyebrows and applied more makeup on me than I ever even knew existed. While Rose curled, tugged and pinned my hair. When they were done and my entire head and face were completely sore. Alice stood me up and got on her knees in front of me and started pulling strings on my now short skirt.

As an afterthought Alice looked up at me "I am just fringing this a little bit" Like that was the most normal thing ever for her to do.

"Hey Rose did you bring the boot's?" Alice hollered over her shoulder

"Yep." Rose replied popping the "p"

She sauntered over with a very expensive looking pair of boots that looked like they would come to my knees "Guys there is no way I can wear those. If I damaged them I could never afford to replace them, and besides I would break my neck in them." I pointed to the heel on the bottom that I knew I would never be able to balance on.

Rose just laughed "Bella, don't be silly these are my last year boots, if they get damaged no biggie, and you have to wear them they complete the outfit" She said matter-of-factly.

"Just put them on and you can practice walking in them." Alice suggested

So I did. And I did trip quite a few times but after a while I was getting the hang of it.

"So let's see if you can dance in them." Rose said while walking over to Alice's stereo "What's your favorite jam song?"

My face was blushing bright red but I doubt they could see it under all this makeup. I looked to Alice wide eyed silently begging for any help. She was busy doing something to her hair and seemed to have forgotten the fact that I have never danced before

I said the first thing that came to mind "Umm I kind of like ...umm…Plies" At the moment that was the only name I could remember from my music lesson with Jasper.

Rosalie looked at me a little funny but just said "Oh , ok."

Alice giggled and told Rose to look through her I-pod play list, she knew she had some stuff by him on there.

After a few moments Rose squealed "Oh I love this song and I haven't heard it in forever."

I was still trying to think of a way to get out of this without completely humiliating myself but at the moment nothing was coming to me.

Some music started, Rose threw her arms in the air and was really moving her body to the rhythm. I did the only thing I knew how to do. I started swaying back and forth trying to move my hips a little bit. I started nodding my head to the beat and even started snapping my fingers to the beat somewhat.

Rose and Alice stopped and stared hard at me.

"What?" Surely I wasn't that bad

Rose walked over and stopped the music She turned to Alice who was still standing there with her mouth hanging open "She totally just did the Carleton!"

I felt a little bit out of the loop here "What is the Carleton, and is that a good thing?"

Laughter then a "No!" from both of them.

"Ok Rose start it over" Alice said as she made her way over to me

Rose restarted the song. And Alice grabbed my hips and forced them to do things they have never done before, she lifted my arms up in the air and told me to follow her lead. Rose joined up and got in front of me.

_You got me so hypnotized, _

_the way yo' body rollin' 'round and Round, _

_that booty keep bumpin', titties just bouncin', up and down  
You got me so hypnotized, _

_the way yo' body rollin' 'round and Round, _

_that booty keep bumpin', titties just bouncin', up and down _

Alice still behind me was doing a somewhat grinding thing with my butt, while her hands were on my hips guiding me. It's quite a strange feeling, but I wouldn't say a bad strange.

_It's two o'clock in the mo'nin', I'm 'gnaced up and I'm ho'ny  
All I need now is some moanin', that xxxxx got me zonin'  
Her vibe tell me she want it, she got to xxxx how she on me  
I got her now 'cause she jonin', I know in the panties she foamin'  
I locked eyes on that monkey, I know she wet 'cause she told me  
That xxx on her she pokin', every nigga in here scopin'  
I see me up in her pokin', she bent over and I'm strokin'  
Her cheeks spread wide open, I'm beatin' it and I'm focused _

Rose still in the front is basically sliding up and down my body. I am guessing this is what is referred to as dropping it low? Still feeling strange but I am definitely getting into it more.

As the chorus starts to come back on Alice whispers to me to mimic what Rose just did and get low...so I did. And I did it quite gracefully. Alice clapped and hugged me then we resumed dancing. Then we heard a throat clearing. We all turned to see Jasper, Emmett, Edward, and Jake standing at the door starring intently at us.

Oh Sweet Jesus what they must be thinking right now, with the three of us girls basically fornicating with each other.

"Fuck it" Emmett groaned out then came up behind Rose and started what I assume is dancing. It basically just seemed that she was rubbing her ass all in his crotch.

The next thing I knew Jacob was behind me, moving much the same as Emmett was.

My heart started beating faster and I froze. Surely he didn't think I was going to dance with him like that. Did he?

Well apparently he did because his hands trailed down my sides and found my hips. He pulled me impossibly closer and started moving me to the music again.

I tried to quell the feeling of impending doom I had in my gut. I mean really this was just a dance right. No reason to freak out, I mean yeah his...man parts were incredibly close to my butt, and I was in a way to short skirt but it's would be ok. People do this all the time. I took a deep breath and tried to relax a little well that is until the next line came on.

_She bad as hell and she swole, I'm tryna play in her hole  
Lil' mama a dime she cold, I fuck her once and she so'_

And that is when Jacob nuzzled his face in my neck and started ...kissing it? Then his hand trailed from my hip across my stomach and started moving incredibly slow down the front of my skirt ..down..down...down

_  
I want her naked no clothes, I'm in the private show  
No limit anything goes, I'mma let her ride me her toes_

I couldn't help but listen to the lyrics of this song and cringe slightly, and when the next one came on

_Just stand in front of me and pose, you touch mine I touch yours_

Yep his hand totally dipped under my skirt and started trailing up my thigh. He apparently thought he was going to the promise land, here while we danced, in front of all these people, just hours after we had met.

Holy Mother of Mary!

I bolted faster than I had ever moved in my life. Thank the Lord I didn't trip in these hooker boots because giving them a free peep show didn't seem like the best idea at the time.

Waving my hands in front of my face I tried to play it off "Wow, it's hot in here....how long before we leave?"

"She's right let's head to the party people." Alice quipped while ushering people out of her room.

Once we made it to the foyer and everyone was slipping their coats on Alice began barking orders. "Ok everyone let's take Emmett's jeep so we can all ride together......."

"I think not, I'm driving my own damn car, I will see you there" Edward cut her off while walking out the door.

"Hey wait up man I'll ride with you." Jacob hollered while running to catch up to him

Thank the heavens above because I don't think I could have handled Mr. touchy feely sitting beside me.

The rest of us piled into Emmett's Jeep and began our long journey to the party. The house that was hosting the party was not that far away but it seemed to take us forever to get there. Emmett had to go get gas, then go by the Liquor store. I had no idea how he was able to buy alcohol, but I decided not to ask. On our last stop he went by and picked up James.

And finally we arrived at the party. Emmett parked, and we all climbed out his large Jeep. I stood there looking at the scene before me. There were already a lot of people there. Loud music was blaring from inside the house, and there were several people standing out on the porch smoking something but it didn't have a cigarette smell to it.

James wrapped his arm around my shoulder "Come on beautiful, the party awaits."

I looked over to make sure Alice was buy my side and she was, so I began the trek into the unknown…my first party.

I was utterly surprised at what was in there. Tons and tons of people everywhere. Some were in the middle of the floor dancing, some were standing in groups talking. But everyone seemed to have some type of drink in their hand.

With James' arm around my shoulder we continued making our way in the house. Everyone we passed kind of gave me a once over but no one bothered to stop to talk to us or even ask who I was.

We made it past what looked like a Game room with a few people playing pool. When we made it to the kitchen James stopped and dropped his hand from my shoulder. I looked around for the rest of our group but I didn't see anyone. They must have gotten lost in the sea of drunken teenagers, but surely they would be here any minute looking for me.

I did however spot Edward sitting in a stool at the bar with some blond girl straddling his lap and sucking on his ear.

Disgusted I looked away to find James watching me stare at Edward and his bimbo.

He cleared his throat "So, sweet cheeks, what is your poison of choice?"

"I..umm" Holy cow I had not even thought about what alcohol I wanted to try. I mean honestly I didn't even know what kinds of alcohol there were.

"Well I can tell you she does not like Jim," Came a velvety voice then a chuckle. I knew it was Edward before I even turned around

"Yeah umm that was definitely not my favorite" I replied while starring into his beautiful green eyes. I really hoped I dreamed of his eyes tonight.

James interrupted my gawking at Edward "Right so let's start off with a shot then."

I shook my head in agreement even though I was not very sure what a shot was. He pulled out four very small glasses set them out the counter, and then pulled out a large bottle from the freezer.

The blond that was hanging onto Edward raised her hands "No way, I'm out, there is no way I am drinking straight Ever-Clear"

James muttered "Pussy" under his breath and then turned to me "So what about you? Are you running with the big dogs tonight?"

Edward quirked an eyebrow as if challenging me. He didn't think I would do it.

I cleared my throat and held out my hand. James poured our three shots, we clinked our glasses together and as soon as I brought the small glass to my mouth I regretted agreeing to do this. It smelled horrible and I could just imagine what it would taste like. In one swift motion I opened my mouth and tilted the glass back.

It was beyond horrible. It tasted so very bad and burned my throat. Once I finally managed to open my eyes and wipe away the watering in my eyes. James and Edward began laughing. Edward went to the fridge and turned to ask me if I liked beer. Well I have no idea if I like beer because I have never had it but I couldn't tell him that so I just nodded my head. I was afraid to speak thinking fire may just shoot out of my throat.

He sauntered back over opened the bottle and handed it to me. I drank half of it in one gulp. It tasted horrible but it did sooth my burning throat. Edward chuckled to himself again then said he would see us around and he walked off with his harlot to be lost in the sea of people.

Luckily Alice showed up after just a few awkward moments and two more shots with James.

She took my beer and threw it in the trash "Sweetie rule number 1, ladies don't drink beer" She set some bags down and started pulling bottles out of them "And rule number two, never drink anything someone gives you at a party, bring your own shit"

But it was much too late for the rules to begin now. I could feel the alcohol taking affect over my body. Everything was a little more hazy, and I felt as though I was swaying back and forth though I have no idea if I really was or not.

Alice made me a drink called a Jagerbomb. It was so much better than the shots and the beer so I quickly downed that one and asked her for another. She raised her eyebrows questioning me but did as I asked.

After that drink was fixed and she had her one as well she linked arms with me and began leading me through the maze of people, stopping every few minutes to introduce me to some people. I tried to be polite and make conversation and even shook a few people's hands, but after a while I just didn't care anymore and I needed another drink.

"Sweetie I think maybe you should slow down" Alice tried hard to convince me, but this feeling I had, my body was numb, my emotions were indifferent. I didn't feel anything and for once I didn't care what anyone else thought. I was so afraid if I stopped drinking that feeling would go away so I did the only logical thing. I kept drinking.

When our little group made it back together Rose and Emmett were going at each other like there was no tomorrow, and I thought to myself,..... well I may have even said it out loud..... that they better find a room soon because I had no interest in seeing them procreate.

Edward was sitting with a different girl in his lap Jake had the blond that Edward was with earlier and I had to wonder if they just swapped girls off as they got tired of them. Jasper and Alice seemed quite cozy but it could have just been my inebriated state playing tricks on me.

Finally a song that I knew came on and I jumped up and down in excitement. Shout outs to my man Lil' John. Everyone looked at me like I was a little crazy but at this point I could not have cared less so I sidestepped lil' miss streetwalker and grabbed Edwards hand "Please come dance with me , I really know this song"

He looked quite amused but got up and started making his way to the dance floor with me. As an after thought I grabbed Alice's arm to drag her with us and she grabbed a hold of Jasper.

We made it to the dance floor and as Edward and I faced each other I couldn't help but get a big goofy smile on my face. He chuckled a little and grabbed a hold of my waist to bring me closer. His hands felt so good on my body. And where my shirt was riding up, we had skin to skin contact and Oh My God. I think I may have blacked out a little but when I refocused he was rubbing my exposed skin with his thumbs and giving me a sexy crooked grin. We started moving in sync. A few times I stumbled or got out of rhythm but he would help me pick back up where I left off. As my new favorite part to my new favorite song came on I totally threw my arms in the air and started yelling the words

_To the window, to the wall,  
To the sweat drop down my balls  
To all these bitches crawl  
To all skeet skeet motherfucker all skeet skeet got dam  
To all skeet skeet motherfucker all skeet skeet got dam _

Edward started laughing at me and flipped me around so once again I was dancing with my back to a guys chest and my butt to his..man parts...only these were Edward's man parts, and they did feel nice.

He ran his hands up and down my sides as I wiggled my booty all over his junk. I was in pure heaven. When they got to the part about drop it down low; that is exactly what I did. I worked myself all the way down his body and back up again. Popping my butt in all the important parts.

He moaned in my ear "Fuck Bella, you are killing me!"

But alas I had enough alcohol in me not to care, and hearing him say fuck and my name in the same sentence did things to my girlie parts that I was not at all used to.

The next thing I knew someone was pulling on my arm and I lost contact with Edward. It was a girl I had met earlier but for the life of me I couldn't remember her name. She pulled me to the other side of the room and we began dancing with a few other people.

After the song ended she gave me her drink which I quickly downed. I danced a few more songs with them and here is where things start getting very fuzzy.

I remember dancing with them. I remember talking to Mike Newton for a few minutes. I remember going to use the bathroom. I remember a song coming on that I loved, I remember asking the name of it and whoever was beside me saying Dangerous by the Ying Yang twins.

Now what I don't remember is climbing onto the pool table and dancing in front of everyone. Nor do I remember attempting to do a strip tease. And I certainly don't remember Edward coming and pulling me off of said pool table

I do remember Edward holding me and brushing my hair out of my face and asking on repeat if I was ok. I do remember looking in his glassy green eyes and thinking he was going to kiss me ...right before I felt the churning in my stomach and knew I was going to puke.

Everything after that is all hazy. I can remember bits and pieces, but nothing monumental.

And that is what has led me to where I am now. Sitting in front of my father, in our living room at two am.

_**A/N**_

_**OK yes, I know.. you are like OMFG, fill in the holes ,what the hell happened during the time she can't remember....calm down, EPOV is next and he will fill you in best he can :)**_

_**Ok and just so you know Reviews make me happy, and make me want to write. I would really like to get to at least 50 reviews before I update again...so it's up to you how fast that will be:)**_

_**I hope all that reviewed last chappie got your teaser, and same goes for this chappie if you review you will get a teaser from EPOV on the party.**_

**My rec's for the week are....**

**The sound of silence by Jay's World......this one is just beginning but it already has me hooked**

**God Love Her by Lynyrd Lionheart**

**Paint with all the colours of the wind by JasperBelikovDimitriHale**

_**Let me know if you have or know of any good stories out there, im always looking for something good to read.**_

_**Also I need some suggestions for good truth or dare questions and dares...be creative :) We have a few chapters to go before the game but I would love to hear your ideas..**_

_**DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW :)**_

_**Thanks,**_

_**Missy **_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N : I OWN NOTHING**

**BIG thanks to Shortbritches85 for her beta skills.....and if you haven't read her stories you really should, they are all amazing. I am currently in love with Flowers in the Gloom, and can't wait to see where she takes it :)**

**Please Review! You will get a surprise :)**

**I will probably update one more time before Christmas, as long as my kids cooperate and RL does not get to hectic. So be lookin out for it **

Chapter 8

EPOV

I opted not to call Jessica just yet, I mean yeah I needed a stress relief but the girl was so damn clingy and I wanted to get off but that didn't mean I actually wanted to put forth the effort to get her off as well. So I decided to just wait till the party and proposition her for a blow job.

As I was making my way to my car I could hear footsteps approaching. I turned slightly to see Emmett jogging up to me.

"Hey wait up Eddie." He knew it pissed me the fuck off when he called me that.

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to glare at him.

He just chuckled and threw his arm over my shoulder. "Hey, man just wondering, why the hell you are giving the new girl such a hard time?"

I shrugged out of his arm and ran my hands through my hair, I seemed to be doing that a lot lately "And why the fuck do you even care ...man"

He shrugged his shoulders "I don't know, I just get this vibe, she is different and you could really hurt her."

I looked at him like he had lost his fucking mind, because I was starting to believe he had "What the fuck Em? Since when do you give a shit about who gets hurt? And what the hell is up with you and Alice, her with her visions and you with your vibes....seriously Rose is turning you soft my man. When you lose your vagina and grow a dick back let me know."

With that I turned and walked away heading towards my car. Yeah I was being a jackass to him, but seriously...what the fuck is up with everyone tonight. I am always an asshole, no one ever seemed to care before, but throw in an inculpable little preacher's daughter and everyone starts expecting me to act like I give a shit about people's feelings all of the sudden. This is Forks not Fucking Dr. Phil.

I made it to my car and slid down into my seat. I turned the music up loud and reached under the passenger's seat to grab my bottle of crown. Feeling the burn of it slide down my throat actually made me feel better.

I made it home in record time, still in a pissy mood from everyone's over protectiveness of the new girl.

I made my way to the kitchen, grabbed a can of coke and a tall glass and headed to my room with my crown safely in my arms.

Once in my room I put on my mellow out music and poured glass after glass of crown and coke. After a while I was feeling much better and decided to change clothes then head downstairs to see what everyone else was up to.

Thankfully I made it down the steps with no mishaps, no falls, no broken bones. I was already doing better than the last time I decided to lock myself in my room and drink myself into a stupor.

I spotted Jasper and Emmett playing X-Box so I perched myself on the back of the sofa and enjoyed watching Jasper kick Emmett's ass.

People started tapering in, and I swear you would think the party was here tonight. First it was Rose. She walked in, kissed Emmett's cheek and asked where the girls were, girls as in plural. It had never crossed my mind that the new girl was here at my house. But I guess if Jasper was here then she was close by.

I briefly wondered if she would be willing to at least give me a hand job, but I squashed that thought almost immediately reminding myself, that even in an intoxicated state I wanted a purely platonic relationship with her.

I heard Jasper tell Rose the girls were upstairs getting dressed and my curiosity spiked. Rose went up the stairs to join in the girl on girl fun. Well at least that is what was happening in my mind. Maybe I couldn't get freaky with the new girl but Rose certainly could.

After Jake and James had joined our little group downstairs I pulled out a blunt I had rolled earlier in the day. I was just about to light it up when I heard Alice's stereo turn on. All of us guys looked around at each other before getting up and moving quickly up the stairs. Getting high forgotten, seeing 3 girls, well not so much Alice for me but the other two definitely, hopefully half naked dancing all over each other being our new goal.

We made it to Alice's door and there was a pushing match going on, everyone wanting to be in the front to get the close up view of this magnificent show. There were titties bouncing, massive grinding, and hands roaming everywhere as Alice and Rose were forming a Bella sandwich. All of us guys stood there staring. I'm sure they were all sporting wood just like me watching this three some of hotties grind on each other.

Finally Emmett had all he could take and went to claim Rose. I was thinking of what my next move would be; basically I was trying to convince myself that dancing was something that friends did. I could go dance with Bella and there would be nothing sexual about it, purely a friendly gesture. But before I could make up my mind Jacob beat me to it.

His motives were anything but platonic. He was definitely trying to get in her pants and was letting everyone witness it. Sure I have fucked girls in front of other people before, on quite a few occasions actually. I mean I have nothing to hide so why not? But watching Jacob molest this girl in the middle of my sisters' room was enough to ruin my buzz and put me right back in a shitty mood.

Jake didn't get very far before Bella bolted away from him and suggested that we head to the party. Now that is something you don't see every day. Girls don't usually run away from Jake, they are usually begging him to take their clothes off. Jake looked just as surprised by this as I was. I had to stifle my laugh, that could have just as easily been me getting shut down and I was immediately thankful I hadn't tried to dance with Bella. And I was now in desperate need of that blow job I was going to proposition Jess for.

Everyone headed to the front door, Alice being Alice and telling us all what to do. I was in no mood for it today so I cut her off and told her I was driving myself as I made my way out to my car. Jake quickly caught up to me and asked if he could ride with me.

"Sure, man I don't care, but be warned. I am stopping by Jessica's house and I'm planning to get road head on the way to the party." I felt it was only right to let him know my plans.

He just shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, whatever."

As soon as we were on the road to Jess' house I could tell Jake wanted to talk .I let out a huff of impatience "Just fucking say it, quit being all emo."

He cleared his throat, and cracked his neck I assume trying to appear nonchalant before he ever spoke,"So what do you think is up with the new girl?"

"What do you mean?" I wasn't sure where he was going with this but I was tired as fuck of everyone talking about her.

"Fuck I don't know, I mean you think she is into girls.... like only into girls?" He looked to me needing some form of reassurance

I tried hard not to laugh "Umm Jake I think all girls are into girls somewhat, but I don't know if she is totally against guys, I don't really get that feel from her."

"Yeah True. I just can't seem to figure her out. I mean why else would she pull away from me and freak out? You don't think she is like a virgin or anything do you?"

This time I did laugh"Did you ever think that maybe she is just not into you? I know it is hard to believe but maybe it's all you Jake."

He shook his head,"Nah it couldn't be me, maybe she has some type of VD or something that would totally explain it"

I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt. Only Jacob would assume a girl had some type of venereal diseases before he would believe she was just not into him.

By the time we made it to Jessica's house I had totally lost my buzz and severely needed more alcohol and some type of sexual release. To my great disappointment I got neither on the drive over to the party. Jessica had decided to bring her cousin Leah along and apparently she didn't want to suck cock in front of her. I wanted to reassure her that everyone in this god forsaken town was aware that she sucked cock on a daily basis, and I was sure it would not be a great big surprise to her cousin but I let that shit go because I knew I could get some when we got to the party.

Once we arrived at the party I wasted no time in making my way to the kitchen. Straight to the bar. Straight to the Liquor. I started drinking and didn't stop until I felt the numbness overtaking my body. I was aware that Jessica had followed me and was perched on my lap fucking grinding herself on me. I was just trying to enjoy that feeling along with the sensation from all the alcohol I had when in walks Bella. With fucking James' arm draped over her shoulder.

I tried to ignore her presence and focus on the friction Jess was causing but it just wasn't working. I heard James ask what her choice of drink was and she stumbled over her answer. She probably wanted some fucking stupid girlie drink and was embarrassed to ask for it.

James suggested we do a shot and I of course agreed knowing the girls would back out as soon as he pulled out the Ever-Clear. And Jess never one to disappoint was the first one out. I looked to Bella knowing there was no way in hell she was going to drink straight Ever-Clear. It's fucking 190 proof. But she surprised the hell out of me and took it like a pro. I was shocked and amazed. I did feel bad for her so when I saw her eyes watering and her clutching her throat, I did grab her beer.

The effect of the one shot of EC combined with all the alcohol I had already ingested hit me all at once. I needed to get out of there and lay the fuck down. I grabbed Jessica's hand and led her out into the living room, up the stairs to a vacant room.

The room was slightly spinning and my body was feeling tingly so I knew this would be a great time for that blow job. As soon as I entered the room I plopped down in the middle of the bed. I held my hand up and motioned for Jess to come join me.

Not needing to be asked twice she was immediately on top of me on the bed. She was trying to be sexy straddling my waist, kissing on my neck, and moaning in my ear. She started unbuttoning my shirt, and her lips were working their way down my chest to my happy place. I had to resist the urge to just fucking shove her head down there, but I was trying to be polite here. She did finally get there and before I knew it she had my pants undone and my flaccid dick in her mouth. I closed my eyes to try and focus harder on the sensations I was feeling. My dick in her warm wet mouth, feeling her tongue move along my length. Her hand massaging the inside of my thigh. Fucking nothing. My dick was still just as limp as an overcooked spaghetti noodle.

Fuck. I needed reinforcements and fast.

"Take your shirt off" I instructed

And she did it without even batting an eyelash. I reached up and palmed one of her incredibly fake but big tits. There was nothing normal about feeling up silicone, but it did usually get me aroused. She threw her head back and moaned like it was the best feeling she had ever had. I wondered briefly if she could even feel it, then decided I really didn't give a shit I just needed my dick to cooperate and stand to attention.

I had never had this problem before and was growing seriously concerned when he was not cooperating with me what so ever.

"Is something wrong? Is there something I could do differently" Jess asked when her attempted hand job was not getting me sprung what so ever.

"Fuck Jess, I don't know" I wondered if one could actually die from embarrassment "I think maybe I drank too much, just give me a few minutes to sober up."

Jessica huffed and pulled her shirt back on. Clearly disappointed that Mr. Happy was not coming out to play. I could only hope that after a few minutes he would remember his role in the Edward needs to get laid plan.

Just as I was about to try again with Jessica Jacob burst through the door with his arm wrapped around Leah.

"Hey, man what the hell are you doing up here, the party is downstairs" He was slurring every word.

I glanced quickly at Jessica and could see she was still pissy, and knowing that would do nothing to help me with my current situation I decided to just give up and go downstairs.

I leaned in to whisper in her ear while massaging her breast "Come on let's go downstairs, let me sober up a bit and we will pick this back up in a little while."

She reluctantly agreed and we started heading down the stairs. Jake was beyond fucked up and he was tripping and falling all over the place. I tried to help him walk but we ended up tripping over each other's feet and falling flat on our asses. We laid on the floor laughing uncontrollably until the girls had enough and Jessica helped Jake back to his feet and guided him back down the stairs, while Leah helped me.

We made it downstairs and I saw Rose, Emmett, James and Jasper standing in a corner talking. I made my way over to them trying to walk halfway normal and not appear to damn drunk.

When I reached the group I knew I needed to sit down, so I leaned over to whisper in Leah's ear "Hey will you be a doll and go grab me a stool from the kitchen?"

She rolled her eyes but I smacked her ass and that seemed to get her going cause next thing I knew she was returning with a damn stool from the kitchen. It was nice to have this kind of power over women.

We all stayed in our little group for a while just chatting and everyone else still drinking. I knew my limit and had cut myself off. When your dick stop's working , you fucking quit drinking....it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that shit out.

Eventually Bella made her way over to the group with my sister. Alice seemed to have a nice buzz going on while Bella seemed to be three sheets to the wind.

After a while Bella started jumping up and down and squealing. That got everyone's attention, but she didn't seem to care. I wondered what could possibly make her that happy. And I desperately wanted to see her do it again. The way her titties bounced, and her shirt rode up to show a sliver of skin on her tight stomach, oh yeah I could feel my mojo coming back.

She walked over and grabbed my hand "Please come dance with me, I really know this song"

She looked so fucking cute, I couldn't tell her no. So I did some shady shit and moved Leah off my lap, sidestepped Jess and followed Bella to the dance floor.

When we made it to the dance floor she seemed a little unsure of herself, and I had to wonder where the vixen from Alice's room had gone to. She stood there smiling at me and I had to have her closer. I grabbed a hold of her waist and pulled her closer running my thumbs over her silky feeling skin. We started dancing and it was quite obvious that both of us were am bit drunk because we kept loosing rhythm but I tried to keep us focused.

I couldn't help but laugh as she started singing the chorus to the song, and I swung her around so I could grind on her perfect ass, and queue the fucking hard on. Now of all times he decides to start working.

I continued to dance with Bella enjoying every minute of it, that is until Victoria came and pulled Bella away to dance with her. I watched Bella move her body for a few minutes before I moved back to our group feeling incredibly alone.

I tried to join in the conversation the others were having. I was starting to sober up and all I could think about was I how I wanted to be near Bella again.

The guys started talking about this year's football team, finally something I gave a shit about. As we were discussing play strategies and shit someone bumped into me.

I turned to see who it was before I flipped the fuck out and I was quite aggravated to see it was Mike Newton.

"Sorry man" he said, but he didn't look that sorry to me "Guess I wasn't watching where I was going, to busy trying to watch that fine piece of ass" He lifted his finger and pointed to the pool table"Fuck, Jasper, man your cousin is hot!"

We all turned at the same time to see Bella standing on the pool table.

My jaw immediately hit the floor and I swear I was drooling.

She was dancing to Dangerous. The words to the song along with the way she was popping her hips and moving her body had me in a trance. She put her hands on her thighs and slowly moved them up her body, over her hips, across her torso, over her breast, and up through her hair.

And Fuck, i'm hard as a rock.

I briefly wondered if I was dreaming, if so I never wanted this to end.

There was a small group forming in front of the pool table egging on her dancing. I heard a someone scream "Take it off" then a bunch of guys, and a few girls started chanting it "take it off, take it off"

It took a minute for it to hit me what they were really saying and when I saw her hands drift down to the hem of her shirt and start pulling it up exposing her milky skin I snapped. Yeah I wanted to see that shit but that didn't mean I wanted every asshole in Forks to see it. Plus she was drunk, and would probably regret this tomorrow.

I heard jasper yell "Fuck" at the same time I took off for the pool table. He was right beside me but somehow I made it to Bella first.

I held out my hands for her to come to me and she did with no hesitation. I pulled her gently off the table and into my arms.

I looked to Jasper "I am going to take her outside and let her get some fresh air, sober up a bit."

"You don't have to do that man; I can take care of her." Jasper protested while trying to pull her from my arms.

There was no way I was letting her go "I said I got her, I need some fresh air myself"

Jasper held his hands up in surrender and walked away.

I looked down into the bloodshot brown eyes of Bella and I saw something there. I am not sure what it was but it evoked some emotion from me that I couldn't name.

She starred right back into my eyes and just as I was thinking I could stand here forever starring into the depths of her soul. She reached over and clutched her stomach.

"I think I'm going to be sick" she managed to squeak out before covering her mouth with her hand.

I carefully sat her down on her feet and pointed towards the kitchen" Come on; let's go through there, we will go out the back door."

No sooner than we made it out the back door, she was leaning over the bushes puking.

I felt really bad for her and was not sure what exactly I could do to help. So I just stood off to the side and let her puke up all of the alcohol she had ingested.

After a few minutes I no longer heard gagging sounds but sobs and looked over to see Bella was sitting on the ground with her head between her knees trembling.

I walked over and crouched down beside her, moving her hair out of her face I softly asked "What's wrong sweet girl?"

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and started waving her arms around "This, all of it, I don't know who even lives here. I don't know who I am. I don't know anything except I feel horrible right now. I just wanted to experience things and so I go to a party and I drank and I end up throwing up in someone I don't even knows bushes."

She was making no fucking sense but she was so damn adorable. I stood up and offered my hand out to her. She looked up at me like I might be a serial killer or some shit.

"Come on Bella, trust me, I'm going to take you home so you can clean up and get some sleep"

The look on her face was one of extreme fear. "Oh no I can't go home, Charlie, he will know, and my clothes, they are at your house"

I was a bit confused by her statement but shrugged it off "Fine then we will go to my house, you can get cleaned up and get some coffee to sober you up some."

She seemed to think it over for a minute but then accepted my hand and allowed me to help her up.

I held on to her hand and started leading her out of the back yard "How are you feeling?"

"I actually feel much better since I got that out of my system, but I do still feel a little woozy, and like I really need a shower" She said while trying to contain a big yawn.

"Trust me, I have had many drunken nights, and you always feel better once you puke" I tried to comfort her. Knowing this was probably awkward as hell for her.

We walked around the house and made it to my car. I opened the door for her and that seemed to make her blush.

"Now if you feel sick let me know and I will pull over" I didn't want to be a dick but fuck I didn't want to clean puck out of my precious car either.

She nodded and rolled the window down a bit. When we got on the road I thought of Jasper. Fuck he was not going to be happy about this.

"Maybe you should give Jasper a call and let him know we left and you will be at my house."

She gave me a puzzled look "I umm...I don't have any way to call him"

"You don't have your cell with you? That is not safe, Bella you should never leave the house...."

She cut me off before I could finish my rant.

"Um no, I don't have a cell phone."

"Wow, ok well here use mine." I tossed her my blackberry and she seemed...embarrassed?

She cleared her throat and handed it back to me "Jasper does not have a cell phone either; my father doesn't allow us to have them."

I was floored "So uh how do you talk to people?"

This caused her to giggle. "You don't have to have a phone to talk to people you can just wait till you see them in person, or write a letter." She said this like it was the most obvious thing ever.

I was stunned speechless. I could not imagine a world without my cell and being able to text. I mean writing a fucking letter who does that?

By the time I had re-gained my thoughts I looked over to see Bella sleeping peacefully. I made it home a few minutes later, and carried her inside and laid her on the couch. I went and woke my father up, which he was none too pleased about but I wanted him to check Bella out and make sure she was ok.

When he woke Bella up she seemed scared shitless. He told her he was just checking her out and he would never tell her father. Although he did give me a 20 minute lecture on driving while I had been drinking.

"Well Ms. Swan I think you will survive. I believe you may have a touch of alcohol poisoning. You will definitely have one hell of a hangover tomorrow. You need to go take a cold shower, drink lots of water, take some Tylenol and sleep it off." My dad smiled proudly at his diagnosis

"And this is why you get paid the big bucks," I joked

Bella didn't seem to relax at all. "And what about my father, what should I tell him?"

My dad seemed to think this over for a bit. He seemed to have more information on this girl than I did.

"Well you will be showing the same symptoms as food poisoning, so we can just say you ate some bad shrimp at the youth council meeting."

My dad looked up to meet my very curious eyes. I wanted to know what the fuck was going on, but I didn't want to make Bella uncomfortable by asking.

"You would do that for me?" Bella asked my father, surprise in her voice.

Carlisle smiled at her. "Yes I would, but don't make this a habit, I do not condone underage drinking."

"Yes sir" Bella replied immediately

Carlisle stood and offered her his hand, "Now go up to Alice's room, take a shower and get cleaned up. I will have Edward get you some Tylenol and water then he can take you home. We don't want your father too upset on your first night here" He gave her a wink

Bella headed for the stairs and my father went back to his room. I called Alice while Bella was in the shower and left her a message letting her know what had happened and that I was taking Bella home.

Bella was done and back down the stairs in record time. She was wearing the same clothes she had been wearing at church. No make-up and her hair was still a little damp from the shower. I went and got her a spare toothbrush we had in the guest bathroom.

She looked at me a little funny then giggled.

"We always have spares, seems like we always have some fucking body staying over here." I tried to explain.

She took it, ran in the bathroom and brushed her teeth. When she came back out I had her a bottled water and Tylenol ready.

"So you ready to go home or did you want to hang out for a bit?"

She blushed at this and I couldn't figure out why "I umm ...I really should get home, I don't want Charlie to worry."

The drive to her house was filled with silence, but it was a comfortable silence. The moment I pulled up to her house I regretted bringing her here. All the lights were on and it was obvious her father was still up and waiting for her. She tensed next to me and I wanted nothing more than to take her worry away.

She turned to me and gave me a small smile" Thanks, for err...everything."

"Sure thing, I guess I will see you tomorrow at church."

"Yeah," she giggled "I'll be there."

With that she got out of my car and headed to the house. I waited until she was safely inside before I pulled away from the curve. Not ready to go home myself I drove around Forks for a while trying to figure the new girl out. After I had stopped for coffee and still could figure out no answers I decided the only person that would know the answers to the questions I had would probably be Alice.

I went home hoping like hell she was already there. Once I made it inside I went straight to the second floor to her room and opened the door without knocking. That will be the last fucking time I do that shit because what I saw scarred me for life.

She and Jasper's naked bodies intertwined with each other. Thank fucking God there was at least a sheet covering some of their shit up.

Fucking scarred for life.

I quickly shut the door and went to my room to try and sleep that shit off!

**THE STORIES IM LOVIN THIS WEEK ARE......**

**Anywhere but here by Juliebly......... I know I have reced it before but this is one of my all time favs**

**I fell in love with your sin continued by twilighnaley19**

**OK Sooooo this week if you REVIEW instead of a teaser you are gonna get a outtake in Alice's POV of what happened that night...you know you want the details...so leave me a review :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**I do not own Twilight but I do own Edward sweet tarts that I got for Christmas :)**

**Mad shout outs to my amazing Beta Shortbritches85, I am a huge pain in her ass and she stays with me anyway...and doesn't complain. If you have not read her stories you are missing out, so GO READ THEM NOW!!!!**

**Big thanks to mjfrances and Jay's world who are my support team. You can thank Jay's world for this update cause she gave me hell about it so I stayed up till 1 am finishing it. How can you thank her? Well go read her amazing story the sound of silence and leave her some love :)**

**PLEASE LEAVE ME A REVIEW!!!!**

Chapter 9

"Bella I will ask you this one more time, and I expect an answer young lady. Where. Is. Jasper?"

It was quite evident that Charlie was as serious as a heart attack and judging by the color his face was turning, it appeared he may just have one.

But the problem was I had no flipping clue how to answer that question.

I didn't know where Jasper was. The last time I had seen him had been at the party but there was no way I was telling Charlie that.

I closed my eyes took a deep breath and said a quick prayer Dear Lord please help me come up with a lie believable enough for Charlie.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew praying for help to commit a sin was not gonna help but at this point I was out of options.

"Dad" I began calmly "I really am not sure where Jasper is, like I told you earlier I ate some bad seafood at the council meeting, and became ill, Alice took me to her house so her father could check me out. He gave me some antibiotics and let me sleep for a while. When I woke up Alice was already asleep so Mr. Cullen brought me home"

Not a complete lie, Edward was technically a Mr. Cullen.

"And you mean to tell me that during all of this alleged sickness, and sleeping, and getting rides home you never once thought to ask where Jasper was?" Charlie was yelling again and it was making my head pound so unbelievably hard.

"Um no dad I didn't." I answered but he continued to stare at me like he was expecting me to say more.

"I'm uh... sorry." I said with a shrug of my shoulders. What else did he want from me?

He let out a loud huff and shook his head. "This is not over Isabella, and if I find out that you are in any way not telling me the whole truth, " He paused and stared at me as his nostrils flared "I can promise you I will make your life a living nightmare"

I wanted to scream and tell him he already did make my life a nightmare, that there was no way possible he could make it much worse. But I didn't. I sat there like the quiet scared little girl that I was.

Charlie turned away from me "Isabella, go to bed. You need some sleep tomorrow is a big day for our family. We will continue this later."

I did exactly as he said. But I had a very restless sleep. I was extremely worried about Jasper.

I had so many questions. Was he okay. What exactly happened to him? And where the heck was he.

I never in my life cared about material things like having a cell phone, but tonight I would have gladly handed over every penny I have ever saved for Jasper and I to have had a cell phone.

All of this could have been avoided if I was able to get in contact with him. I just hoped with all my might that we would be able to talk before my father got a hold of him so we could get our story straight.

I wanted to focus some attention to what happened between Edward and I tonight but my brain was too overworked to analyze it all just yet.

I awoke a few hours later to what felt like someone pushing me. I tried to ignore it. My sleep deprived body wasn't ready to wake up. I rolled over and put a pillow over my head.

I felt it being moved and someone whispering in my ear. "Bells wake the ** up"

Groggily I lifted my head and saw a shadow standing over me. Before I could scream a hand clamped down over my mouth and Jasper was in my face nose to nose.

"Bella, it's just me. We need to talk but I need you to be very quiet so we don't wake Charlie." Jasper said very slowly. His breath still reeked of alcohol, which made my stomach flip.

I nodded my head and he slowly released my mouth.

"Jasper, Charlie is crazy mad, what are we going to do?" Now I was letting all the fear come out that I had been bottling up.

Jasper relaxed back into my bed. "We will figure it out. Start at the beginning and tell me what he knows."

I replayed the entire night to Jasper, well what I could remember and what little bit Edward had filled me in on. I knew he was only asking about Charlie at the time but I desperately needed someone to talk to about everything.

After I finished telling him the entire conversation between Charlie and I he let out a soft groan and dropped his face in his hands. I didn't speak, I thought it would be best to just let him come up with our get out of jail free plan.

After what seemed like forever Jasper sat up "Okay here is the plan. We will just go with what you already told him. I will call first thing in the morning and tell him you left sick with Alice so I had to catch a ride with Edward, and his car broke down on the way home, Neither of us had a cell phone so we had to walk back to his place and at that point it was so late we didn't want to wake anyone up so I just stayed the night there."

I am sure the confusion showed on my face "But Jasper you are home now, that will never work"

He chuckled a little "Alice drove me over here and I climbed into your window. She is waiting down the street for me to come back."

I was stunned speechless...but just for a moment "You have been with Alice the whole time? Jazz what

the heck is going on?"

He just shrugged and gave me a grin "That conversation will have to wait until later cousin, for now just trust me. I will make sure everyone is on board with us in the morning" He kissed my forehead "Just trust me okay?"

I let out a huff to let him know I was aggravated with his lack of information "At this point what other choice do I really have Jasper?"

He looked straight into my eyes "Bella, I promise we are in this together, I will always protect you. I have to go but I will meet you at church in the morning, and I promise we will talk tomorrow after church, okay?"

I reached over to give him a hug "Jazz you know I trust you, and I love you thanks for everything."

He hugged me back the got up and headed back to my window.

"Oh and Jasper?" He had one leg out the window but turned to look at me "You might want to take a shower before you see Charlie you reek of smoke and alcohol"

He just laughed and slipped out the window.

I drifted off to sleep feeling much better about our plan. When my alarm went off at six am I made myself get out of bed. I didn't want to risk setting Charlie off again.

I took another shower even though I had just had one a few hours ago. I needed the cold water to wake me up. I dressed in a ankle length kaki skirt and a red sweater. I threw my hair in a pony tail not even caring about my appearance today.

As I made my way downstairs to make my coffee I heard the phone ring. I didn't dare answer it, I didn't want Charlie to get any ideas that Jasper and I had spoke before he had talked to Charlie.

Thankfully the coffee was done and I had a cup before Charlie made his way into the kitchen. He didn't look happy but he also didn't seem wound as tight as he had been last night.

He spoke as he poured himself a cup "Bella we are going to skip morning devotion for now and make it up tonight when Jasper is here. I need you to be ready to leave in about ten minutes." And with that he turned and walked out the kitchen.

When we got to church there were no cars in the parking lot. Charlie always insisted on being the very first person there. I guess that is just one of the duties of being the pastor.

He went straight to his office without a word so I found a pew and sat quietly until the church started filling up. I was as polite as I could be to everyone that approached me but all I really wanted to do was crawl back in my bed and sleep for a week straight.

About five minutes before church started I saw the Cullen's and Jasper walk in. Carlisle immediately went and spoke to Charlie and I just pray he was confirming our story. I looked away not wanting Charlie to catch me starring.

A few moments later I felt someone tapping me on my shoulder. I turned to see Alice standing there with a huge smile on her face.

She leaned down to whisper "Bella, don't worry so much. Everything is going to be fine." Then she stood back up and grabbed my hand "Now come on we don't sit up here, we sit in the back where we can't be seen."

I had no idea what that meant but I followed her to the back pew where sure enough all the teenagers were sitting. They all looked a lot worse off than I did and I was glad I could pull off a night of partying better than them.

Alice and I slid past a few people to make our way to the middle of the pew. When I was trying to squeeze past Edward I tripped over his feet. Typical Bella. He grabbed my waist to steady me and gave me his perfect crooked smile. I felt my body flush and muttered a "sorry" before making my way past him.

Alice stopped on his other side and sat down. I sat beside her and Jasper was on my other side. I looked at him hand he gave me a wink that made me feel much better. Things with Charlie must have gone smoothly.

I made it through the opening songs, and the introduction of the new pastor and his family. My face burned bright red when Jasper and I had to stand for the congregation to see us.

I made it through Charlie's sermon but I hoped to the high Heavens he didn't question me about it because I didn't hear a word he said. Through the entire service I could feel Edward's eyes on me. And that is all I could focus on. I took a chance a few times and looked over at him and sure enough he was starring. I started feeling self conscious like maybe I had a huge pimple or something but I tried to brush it off.

Finally Charlie ended his sermon and I was so grateful. That is until what happened next. Just as everyone was standing to leave Charlie asked that everyone remaining sitting.

Everyone looked a bit confused but sat back down.

Charlie continued " Now some of you have met my daughter Isabella and I take huge pride in the roll she performed in our last church home." All heads turned toward me and I wanted to die in that moment.

"Isabella will you please join me up here?" Charlie asked, like I actually had a choice.

Jasper squeezed my hand as I stood and started making my way to the pulpit.

Charlie waited until I was standing beside him before he continued.

"One of the many things I am proud of Isabella for is her stand on premarital sex. In her old youth group she led the rally for True Love Waits. And I would love very much for her to start it up here as well."

"I am going to let her explain it to you now and I would encourage the youth in our community to join in this group and parents I urge you to push your children in the right direction."

I was mortified. I know my face was fifty shades of red. Not only had Charlie now told everyone in the community that I was a virgin and planned on staying one till marriage, but now he wanted me to stand up in front of all these people and talk about it, knowing I had nothing prepared.

I looked back to the row I had been sitting on few minutes earlier and a few of the boys were snickering, Jasper and Alice's mouth were dropped open obviously they were just as stunned as I was. Edward had his head hanging down. He couldn't even look me in the face.

I took a deep breath and approached the microphone. Even in my hazy mind I could remember all the facts of the rally because I had studied it so many times.

"Hi, I'm Bella." Why do I feel like I am at a AA meeting. I took another breath to calm my nerves. "I am thankful I have had the chance to meet some of you and look forward to the chance to meet everyone here." I gave my best smile and looked down. There was no way I could look at any of these people I didn't know and say this.

"Basically True Love Waits is an international Christian group that promotes sexual abstinence outside of marriage for teenagers. It was created in April, 1993, and is sponsored by LifeWay Christian Resources. It is based on Christian views of human sexuality that require one to be faithful to one's husband or wife, even before marriage."

"It is a 6 week course that you will take where we will review God's views on remaining chaste until marriage. Not just with sex but with impure thoughts, **, inappropriate behavior and it also addresses dressing appropriately. In a nutshell it encourages moral purity by adhering to biblical principles."

"At the end of the program all that completed it will sign a commitment form that states  
"Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship."  
I finally took a chance and looked up to the congregation. "Umm so that is it, I guess I will get everything started and let you know when the course will begin"

I took a step away from the mic and looked at Charlie. He approached the mic and said "So does anyone have any questions?"

No he did not just do this to me . This is Karma coming back to bite me in my butt big time.

A few people raised their hands. I looked at one lady I had yet to meet."Yea m'am what question do you have?"

"Can we force our children to take this course?"

I heard a few snickers, and had to hold back a laugh myself "Uh no m'am I would not advise that, it really had to be a personal commitment, or it wouldn't mean anything."

And then none other than big nose Mike stood up from the back pew. His voice rang out through the church "Does this include Oral sex?"

I have ever been so embarrassed in my life. I choked a little on my answer.

"Yes it does include um…oral sex, their philosophy is keep it above the waist and above the clothes"

And as if he had not done enough damage he asked another question "So what if you have already had sex, can you still do the program"

I felt so bad for his mother in that moment. "Umm I am not exactly sure but I can check on that for you." I looked to Charlie "How about we wait until I have things a little more set up before we continue the question and answer segment."

He nodded his head obviously quite taken back by the direction the questions went in.

Charlie grumbled a "You are dismissed" and I immediately made my way down from the podium. I wanted to avoid everyone and crawl in a deep hole.

I was standing by Charlie's car waiting for him when Jasper, Alice, Edward, and Jacob approached me. Alice pulled me into a tight hug and whispered how sorry she was.

When I pulled away from her and looked up Jacob had a huge grin on his face. Of course he had to speak and make things worse. "Well I would have never guessed after last night's events that you were a virgin Bella"

Before I could even speak Jasper turned to him "Man, leave her alone, you have no idea what Bella does, and just because she has to play the part of the perfect daughter for her father, does not give you the right to judge her."

As thankful as I was that Jasper was standing up for me I wanted to make my own stand "No it's ok Jazz." I looked right at Jacob "I am a virgin and it's not something I'm ashamed of. I would be more ashamed if I was out whoring myself around, but then you would probably like me much more that way huh?"

Being a virgin was not something I was ashamed of but it was also something I didn't think needed to be broadcasted to the entire town my first week here.

Jacob muttered a "whatever" and walked away.

Jasper told Alice he would walk her to her car. They walked off hand in hand. And then there were two.

I didn't want to but I finally looked up at Edward. He was grinning at me.

I rolled my eyes "What?"

He chuckled "So the preacher's daughter is a virgin, kinda cliché' don't ya think?

I knew he was just trying to lighten the mood, and I felt oddly comfortable talking about it with him.

"Yeah I guess it is, and I'm guessing that popular rich boy is far from it." I teased back.

He laughed and shook his head. "So umm what if you never get married, won't you always wonder what you are missing out on?"

I thought carefully about my answer "I don't really feel like I am missing out on anything by not having meaningless sex. I think if I ever found the right person, and it was true love I might change my mind, and have sex with him and only him before marriage, but I would definitely have to know that they were the one"

He looked at me for a moment "Well miss Swan you are full of surprises."

"Yeah I have heard that before." I laughed.

"Well I got to get going guess I will see you tonight."

"Okay Edward have a good afternoon."

Charlie came to the car shortly after that. After him Jasper and I were in the car and headed home I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Dad how could you do that to me, you know I was not prepared for that."

"Isabella, your virtue is something that you should never be ashamed of, and besides I wanted it to be known to all the new boys where you stand, you do remember Leviticus 21:9 _If a priest's daughter defiles herself by becoming loose, she disgraces her father, she must be burned in the fire."  
_  
I had nothing to say to that. Would he really burn me in a fire? I didn't think so. But who am I to argue with God's word.

**To answer a few questions I have gotten. How do I know all these Bible referenced? Well that is easy my father is a southern baptist preacher so yeah I totally know what Bella is going through...I have been there lol so a lot of this is written from experience and you will totally know what I mean in the up coming chapters.**

**I am not attempting to mock God or any ones faith. I do believe in God just not so much all the rules the church has set, and this is a story of Bella trying to find out for herself who she really is. So I am sorry if anyone is offended.**

**And xOx Britt Cullen xOx I have not forgotten about your request, I am still trying to find pics to link to this story. If any one has any input let me know.**

**Rec this week is :**

**The heroin Lullabies by ayngy122**

**Please leave me a review they feed my addiction :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I do own a husband who fixed my computer for me, he's no Edward but I think I will keep him :)**

**Major thanks to shortbrtiches85 who betaed for me. And thanks to mfrancesj for all of your support.**

**Thanks you to all who are reading and reviewing my story.....it makes me so happy :)**

**I so got a twitter, which I am trying to figure out how to use lol so come chat with me. I will keep updates on the stories there. My name on there is of course ...im random girl**

**Also big news....I have posted a few outtakes for this story, so go read um and let me know what you think. You can find them on my profile **

**CHAPTER 10**

Luckily Charlie had a lot to do at the church so he dropped Jasper and I off at the house, told us to fend for ourselves for lunch, and he headed back to the church.

The moment Jasper and I walked through the door it only took one look and we both knew there would be no lunch. We both headed up the stairs, went in our separate rooms, and slept the entire afternoon.

Fortunately I did think ahead and set my alarm, to be sure we were up and ready when Charlie returned for us for the evening service.

By the time we made it back for the evening worship service I was feeling much better. Apparently sleep and Tylenol work wonders for a hangover. Who knew? Well apparently Alice did because she had told me at the morning service to go straight home sleep all day and take Tylenol along with lots of water.

It seems the rest of the party crowd also got that memo on hangover recovery, because they were all looking much better tonight.

Jasper and I made our way to the back pew with the few others that were already there. I am guessing this is our new _spot_. I didn't ask questions, just going with the flow.

Not long after we were seated Alice and Edward walked in the church. Of course they came to the back pew. Alice hugged me and whispered that I looked much better. I told her I had taken her advice and I thanked her for it. She went and sat beside Jasper but leaned over his lap to continue our conversation.

"Bella, you will learn not to doubt me, I will never lead you astray."

I had to giggle at her confidence "Okay Alice, whatever you say." I had already sensed there was no point in arguing with Alice. She seemed to always get her way. So again going with my new philosophy of going with the flow.

What happened next did surprise me a bit. I had expected Edward to of course sit on the back pew . However it shocked me a bit when he came and sat right beside me.

I couldn't help but deeply inhale when his scent hit me. How can a boy smell so flipping good? It's just not natural. My conversation with Alice completely forgotten, my infatuation with this boy my new priority. When I finally braved looking up at him, he was looking back at me with a lopsided grin gracing his face.

I smiled back and then quickly looked away when I started blushing from the inappropriate thoughts I was having about him.

He let out a low sigh, and mumbled what sounded like "Your blush is lovely"

Which of course made me blush even more.

After a few awkward moments of silence he spoke, but I wish he hadn't "So miss Swan, are you ready for your first day of school tomorrow?"

I let out a loud groan "Oh please don't remind me."

"Oh come on , it can't be that bad, you have already met most of the people that will be there."

I covered my face in my hands "You mean I got drunk and danced in front of everyone that will be there."

That made him laugh "Well not everyone saw your table dance, but Sam did manage to video it on his phone, so I am sure those that missed it will have the chance to see it soon." he teased

"Oh no, please tell me you are not serious?" I begged. As much as I hoped he was joking the look on his face told me it was true.

Before I could wallow in my embarrassment any longer I had to focus my attention on my father as he took the pulpit.

I was trying hard to pay attention to his message, as I was sure he would want to talk about it tonight when we had our daily devotion.

A few minutes into the sermon Edward placed a piece of folded paper on my lap. I cut my eyes to get a look at him, but of course he looked like pure innocence starring at my father as though he was focusing on his sermon. It made me smile. He looked good faking innocence.

I discretely opened the note. He had the most beautiful cursive writing I had ever seen.

_Don't worry so much, the video was fucking hot._

My jaw dropped, not only had he seen the video, but he thought it was hot.

I reached my hand over and motioned for his pen. He gave me that crooked grin and handed me the pen. I tried to write as pretty as he did but it ended up looking like chicken scratch.

_Thanks, I think. But what if someone shows my father?_

I handed the pen and paper back to him.

It didn't take him long to place it back in my lap.

_Silly Bella, no one is stupid enough to show your father. It would incriminate them as well. Besides we have a strict policy. What happens in the group stays in the group._

That made me feel a little better even though it was a bit cryptic. I decided to change the subject to keep him writing to me. For some reason I wanted to know everything this boy had to say.

_So does Mr. Popularity have any advice for the new girl on her first day of school?_

This time it took him a good ten minutes to give me the note back.

_First, don't trust anyone with the exception of Alice. The girls are vicious, they will use you to get what they want. Second, who you hang out with is crucial. You choose the wrong crowd and you are branded for life. Third, act confident even if you are not. Insecurity will be seen as a sign of weakness. And fourthly and this is the most important, just relax and have fun while you are here then get the hell out as soon as possible._

I read over what he wrote a few times but I didn't have time to respond because my father was asking everyone to bow their heads for his closing prayer.

I stuffed the note in the pocket of my bible cover, and stood to exit the pew. Alice grabbed a hold of my arm before I could make my hasty retreat.

"Hey Bella, a few of us are going to the diner for ice cream, would you like to join us?"

"Oh well ...I don't know Alice." I looked to Jasper for some guidance, but he was starring at his shoes "I can ask my father but I doubt he will let me go."

Jasper stepped up and looped his arm around mine. "Come on Bells we will ask him together, strength in numbers and all that."

I was a nervous wreck approaching my father. Why was something as simple as asking for permission to go eat ice cream about to send me into a panic attack.

Jasper leaned over to whisper in my ear " Relax Bella, What is the worse that could happen?" he didn't give me time to respond with my answer of _damming me to the fiery pits of hell_ before he continued "All he can do is say no, and that is not that big of a deal, so take a deep breath and relax."

I tried to do as Jasper suggested but my nerves were still in knots.

As we approached Charlie, he was speaking to an older lady with long dark hair. I tried not to ease drop as we waited patiently to get Charlie's attention. I was having a hard time fulfilling that task because I desperately wanted to know what he was saying to her that made her keep laughing. She seemed to be enthralled with him, the way she was hanging on every word, and finding any excuse to touch his arm.

Finally there seemed to be a break in their conversation, and Jasper cleared his throat to get their attention. Charlie turned his head to glare at us and I could tell he was not thrilled with the interruption.

Thankfully Jasper took the lead "Uncle Charlie, would it be alright for Bella and I to go to the local diner with a few of the kids to get some ice cream?"

Charlie looked from Jasper to me a few times before he finally answered "Absolutely not. You have school tomorrow."

Jasper cut him off before Charlie could go any further "Well it is only seven o'clock unc, and seeing as how tomorrow is the first day it's not like Bella and I have any homework to do."

I knew without a doubt that Charlie would not be pleased with Jasper's lack of respect and talking back.

I could see Charlie's face turn a shade redder "Jasper I said no. That is final. Besides we have devotion scheduled for tonight, and we need to further discuss your activities last night. Now you two go wait at the car for me, I will be there in a few moments."

With that Jasper and I treaded back to the parking lot, where a few of the PRK's (preppy rich kids) as I had so affectionately named them, were waiting.

Jasper immediately went to Alice I assumed to discretely tell her we would not be attending. I stood off to the side to give them a moment of privacy.

Lost in my own thoughts, I was startled by that velvety voice that made my insides warm "So umm.... you wanna ride with me? It beats having to watch Jasper and Alice make out and shit. "

That caused me to giggle. I had never seen Jasper make out with anyone, and I didn't think it was something I wanted to see any time soon " Thanks for the offer, but we are not going. My father does not let us go out on school nights. " I said more to my feet than to the beautiful boy standing a few feet away from me.

"Are you serious, it's like seven fucking o'clock" He was quiet for a moment. When he spoke again he seemed to have much more understanding "So your um... dad, he's pretty strict huh?"

I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of that question "You have no idea."

Somehow we had managed to start walking to Charlie's car. I was grateful he was keeping me company while I had to wait, so I decided to keep talking. "So what about your dad, he doesn't seem very strict at all"

He shook his head "Nah, not at all. As long as we don't do anything reckless or utterly stupid he is pretty cool. He believes kids are gonna make mistakes so he encourages us to learn our lessons while we are young. But he is also not like most of the other parents here either. They just throw money at their kids and have no involvement in their lives. They don't care what their kids are doing as long as they are leaving them alone. That's the difference him and my mom they care about us, a lot. I can honestly say I can talk to him about anything"

I was blown away I could not imagine having that kind of relationship with my father "Wow, that must be nice, I can't even imagine what it would be like to have a parent to openly talk to about anything. My mom used to be like that, but she died before all the hard parts came along; High school, boys, hormones, vicious teenage girls out to destroy you"

He flashed me that award winning smile " Well if you are ever in desperate need, I will loan you my parents for a while, they really do give great advice."

I couldn't help but blush and wish that my dad could be more understanding like that.

"Or you could always just marry me and then technically they would be your in-laws so it would be official."

I stopped dead in my tracks and starred at him. Eyes wide, jaw dropped and all.

He laughed at my expression "It was a joke Bella, don't take everything so seriously." We were silent for a moment while I tried to regain my train of thought. He was the first to break the silence. "So I am guessing by your expression you have never been proposed to before."

"Oh so you think you are funny? Do you normally run around proposing to all the new girls?" I teased back

He laughed again "Nope, I can honestly say you are the first"

"Well that was a first for me as well, who would have thought I would get a marriage proposal before I even had my first kiss." I laughed at the absurdity of it all.

We had made it to Charlie's car and he was leaning against it. He looked up and looked straight into my eyes. "You have never kissed anyone?" He seemed quite shocked "I mean I can somewhat understand the whole waiting till marriage for sex thing, even if it is kind of crazy, but really you are waiting to kiss to? This is like a episode right out of the fucking Duggar's family"

I laughed and smacked his arm "No Edward, I am not waiting until marriage to kiss someone, I just have never found the right person to kiss, unlike you who I am sure has probably kissed every girl in this town. And who are the Duggar's?"

"See you should never judge a book by its cover. I haven't kissed all the girls here, even if I had you wouldn't know because I'm not a kiss and tell kinda guy."

I arched a eyebrow at him, not believing a word he was saying. I do remember Alice telling me something about his distaste for kissing but I just find it hard to believe, that someone with lips as beautiful as his would not have them attached to a girls at all times "So what is stopping you from kissing all the lovely ladies of Forks?"

He snorted "I guess it just seems to intimate, and I have no idea where their mouth has been if you know what I mean" He gave me a wink, which of course made me blush.

"So let me get this straight. You have no problem having sex with random girls. Who could have ..um ..had their mouths and other parts,.... other places just moments before they met up with you, but you have intimacy issues with kissing. Thant makes no sense to me at all." My head was starting to hurt from trying to figure out the way Edward Cullen's mind worked.

He stared off into the sky seeming to be deep in thought for a while then he looked back at me "I guess like you I just haven't found the one I want to kiss yet." We were quiet for a moment and I wondered and secretly wished he would kiss me. I would love for Edward Cullen to be my first kiss.

He cleared his throat "You know the Duggar's, those people on TV that have like 20 kids or some shit."

I shook my head, again completely lost as to what Edward was getting at.

He looked at me like I should know what he was talking about "You have to know what I am talking about. The reality show, I watched that shit with my mom and the oldest son was getting married, and they still had to have like a chaperon on dates, cause him and his wife to be decided not to kiss until their wedding day."

I looked down and kicked around some dirt with my shoe. I couldn't help but be a little embarrassed about my lack of media knowledge. Jasper never covered this Duggar family when he was schooling me. I would have to ask him about that.

"I don't watch much TV. My father does not allow cable in the house, I think he thinks it demonic or something." I quietly told him.

"Wow!" Was all he said.

Charlie came walking towards the car looking mad as ever, so Edward said his goodnight. Jasper Charlie and I again climbed in the car headed toward our house.

"Bella, who is that boy you were sitting beside in church? You know you are not allowed to have boyfriends." Charlie did not sound happy.

"Oh no dad, I promise it is nothing like that, he is just a friend." I tried to explain.

"I don't care who he is, it does not look appropriate for a young lady to sit so close to a boy, much less be standing alone in the dark with him. It better not happen again Isabella, I am keeping an eye on you."

"Yes sir." was all I could think to say

**Yeh I know you all hate Charlie. Don't worry I do to right now. I wanted to get their first day of school in here but I ran out of time so leave me some love and I will update again this weekend with their first school day :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight but I do own Robsessed which my hubby refuses to watch with me.**

**Thanks to shortbritches85 who betaed for me, and also just updated her story Flowers in the gloom...so good, go check it out.**

**I had such a great response from my update on Fri that I was so motivated I wrote this chap on Saturday and started chapter 12 on Sunday. So keep reviewing and msging me cause it really does motivate :)**

**Recs this time are:**

**Let your mercy fall on me by Robicorn.......so so good!**

**Bella's Cowboy Romance by ManiacMotherland.....yummy cowboy lovin**

**Sweet Summertime by NortCarolinaGirl88....great southern set story**

**Sound of Silence by Jay's World....I know I keep recin this one but it is so good you have to go read it :)**

**My goal with this chapter is to make Konibell do a happy dance lol**

Remember to Review!!!!!!!!

Chapter 11

My Sunday night did not go well at all. Not only did Charlie's devotion take forever but he also harped continuously on me sitting next to a boy, constantly reminding me that I was not allowed to have boyfriends.

I wanted to tell him he had nothing to worry about because apparently in this town people didn't do the boyfriend-girlfriend thing they just had casual sex with each other. But I though better about sharing that piece of information with him.

He came down pretty hard on Jasper for not coming home on Saturday night. Even though Jasper's story was pretty believable, Charlie didn't seem to want to hear the logic behind it.

So Jasper was officially grounded. He could drive him and I to and from school and nowhere else for two weeks. He had to wait until his two weeks were up before he could look for a job, or attend any music classes. No friends, no sports, and no youth group.

I believe Charlie would have taken Jasper's driving privileges away completely, except he would have had to be the one driving us to and from school, and I knew he wanted to spend as much time at the church as possible getting things set up his way.

Jasper insisted that we leave early for school Monday morning telling Charlie we would have to go to the guidance counselor, get our schedules, and try to find where our classes were all before school started.

Charlie seemed to agree and so Jasper and I were off, our first day at our new school in our new town.

The realization of it all hit me hard, and it was all I could do not to puke up my morning breakfast. I knew I didn't have a toothbrush with me and I did not want to meet my schoolmates all day having puke breathe so I tried to calm my nerves, and made a mental note to put a spare toothbrush in my backpack for occasions like this.

Jasper and I had not had any time since Saturday night to discuss our weekend activities so I decided that would be a good distraction for our ride to the school.

I figured the best way to go about it was to just be blunt 'So, Jasper, what the heck is going on with you and Alice?"

He looked over to me, quirked an eyebrow, then turned back to focus on the road "Well I could ask you the same thing about her brother, you seem to be quite smitten Bella"

"What? Jasper I have no idea what you are talking about. I am just trying to make friends and well Edward seems like a good place to start."

"Whatever you say Bella, just be careful, the kids here are way more…" he paused seeming to try and find the right word, "experienced than what we were used to at the Christian Academy"

I wanted to tell him he was a bit late relaying that information, I had already found out firsthand how different everything was here but I didn't say anything about it. Besides this conversation was supposed to be about him not me.

"Quite changing the subject Jasper, and answer my question, what is the deal with you and Alice?"

He let out a sigh "I don't really know. I like her a lot. And I know she likes me to, but I just want to take things slow and get to know each other before we rush into anything. This is all really new to me too and to be honest, it scares the hell outta me"

I shook my head in understanding "That makes two of us."

When I looked out the window I realized we were pulling into the school. The parking lot was empty except for one other car.

I gave Jasper a questioning look. "Why are we here so early? The real reason."

Jasper parked beside the only other car there and nodded his head in that direction "Alice wanted to meet with you early so she could help you get ready for your first day."

Before I could get the words out to ask what that meant, Alice was opening my door. She grabbed my arm and helped me out of the truck. She pulled me into a tight hug, and suddenly things felt better.

"Bella, surely you didn't think I would leave you hanging on the first day of school." She practically sang while ushering me into the school.

I took a look around while I was being drug behind Alice. This school was nothing like what I was used to. It was much smaller than the Christian Academy. There were not crosses and posters with bible verses lining the walls, instead there were posters advising against drunk driving and promoting safe sex.

Before I knew it I was being pulled into the girl's bathroom.

The girl's bathroom was much nicer than what I was used to. It was very clean, no toilet paper littering the floor. There was a long line of white vanity type sinks along one wall with a huge mirror reaching the ceiling above them. There was even a couch sitting in what I assume was a waiting area.

"This is nice." I said to Alice a little aw struck.

She laughed her pixie laugh "Bella, it is just a bathroom. Now let me get a look at you and see what we are going to do."

I had worn loose fitting jeans and a long black sweater. I had pulled my hair up in a pony tail and wore no make-up, because I knew Charlie would be checking my appearance before I would be allowed out the door.

Alice started digging through a carryon bag I had not noticed she had. "For today I thought I would start simple, so you would be comfortable. In other words, no miniskirts. Yet."

I was nervous but relieved she didn't expect me to traipse around in a miniskirt on my first day of school.

For the first time I took a long look at what Alice was wearing. She had on a black shirt that hung off her shoulders, it was quite short. It didn't quite reach the top of her Jeans. I wondered if it had gotten shrunk in the wash but I decided not to ask.

"I wasn't sure what the dress code was for this school, at my old school we had to wear uniforms."

She giggled "No dress code for the school, but you will be judged among the students by what you wear"

I finally finished appraising what she was wearing.

Her jeans fit her snugly and she had on black boots that came up to her knee with a heel on them that I was sure I would kill myself in.

"Here put these on " She had dug a pair of jeans and a t-shirt out of her bag. I went into the closest stall and changed my clothes.

"Umm Alice these Jeans have rips in them, and I don't even know what this saying on this shirt means."

She laughed again. I seemed to be amusing her a lot this morning.

"They are supposed to have rips, I bought them that way, and that is called a band t-shirt"

I still had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

"Bella, don't worry with the specifics right now, we don't have much time. Don't worry you will look hot when I'm done with you."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever you say oh wise one"

She pulled my hair down and proceeded to straighten it with a hot iron.

"So Bella, has Jasper said anything about me?" She asked as she made my hair as straight as a board.

I was somewhat torn. Jasper was my family and all I had so I didn't want to break his trust in me but I could tell Alice was going to be a great friend so I wanted to have girl talk with her. I could tell by the look on her face she was not looking for secrets she just wanted to be reassured.

"Alice, Jasper likes you a lot, but you have to understand this is all very new to him, to both of us. You just need to give him some time to adjust to everything. Jasper is a great guy I promise you he will be worth the wait. Just please promise me you will not hurt him."

"I promise you I would never hurt him Bella. I feel something with Jasper that I have never felt before, and I will give him as long as he needs to feel comfortable with all of this."

I felt much better having that talk with Alice and I wondered if she would reciprocate. So as she started applying makeup all over my face I decided to brave my next question.

"So, you know just out of curiosity, has Edward said anything about me?"

Alice seemed to think about her words choosing them wisely.

"Bella, just like Jasper is great, Edward has the potential to be a great person, he just needs time as well. After all Rome was not built in a day." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes "Just give him time"

She turned me around to face the mirror. "So what do you think?"

"Wow, Alice I think you can dress me up every day!"

I didn't look like the shy little girl that walked into that bathroom and I sure didn't feel like her.

"Great, now let's go start our first day of school." She shoved my old clothes and all of her supplies into her bag, looped her arm around mine and we headed out to face the world.

When we stepped out into the hall I was shocked. The halls were crowded with tons of students. They were everywhere, like a herd of cows being let out to graze. It was so loud. Everyone was paired off into groups yelling, or laughing.

Yep this was nothing like the Christian academy. We were not allowed to linger in the halls there, and we were definitely not allowed to be this loud. I was used to seeing only school uniforms here everyone could express their own individuality with their clothing. From what some of these girls were wearing I couldn't help but think they would be better off in school uniforms. I can't believe their parents let them out of the house in those clothes or better yet non existence of clothes.

Alice and I made our way over to where Jasper was standing with Edward, Emmett ,Jacob, James, a few other boys I didn't know, and girls, lots of girls. Who all seemed to be competing for Edward's attention.

I stood there silently no able to form words. A girl whose name I think was Jessica wedged herself right up against Edward and wrapped her arms around his shoulder and started kissing his neck.

I am not sure what I expected, maybe for him to push her away or throw her on the ground anything. But he did nothing. He didn't really stop his conversation with the boys and acknowledge her but he didn't seem to mind the affection either.

Having all I could possibly handle at the moment, I decided I needed to get away.

"Hey Jasper." I tried to speak quietly so I wouldn't interrupt but everyone stopped talking and looked my way. I cleared my throat and continued "I am going to head to the office and get my schedule, you want to come with?"

"Yeah, sure thing" He threw his arm over my shoulder and we headed to the office. I couldn't bring myself to look at Edward to see if the girl was still hanging on him. I decided I really shouldn't care, I mean we barely knew each other and just because I felt a connection does not mean he does to.

Jasper and I made it to the office and got our schedules along with a map of the school. Thankfully he had my first class with me. Math, oh I hated math but Jasper was good at it so at least he could help me with it.

As I made it through the day I was glad to find out that at least someone I knew was in every class. Emmett was in my Spanish class, and I could tell this would be one of my favorites. He sat right beside me and got in trouble several times for telling crude jokes in Spanish then translating them into English for me because I didn't speak a lick of Spanish. I spent the entire period in a fit of giggles.

I was even grateful to have big nose Mike in my History class. Sure he got on my nerves but at least I knew someone in there. He was nice enough to walk me to my next class even though he didn't have it which was AP English.

I was one of the first students in the class so I made my way to a seat in the back by a window. As the other students starting filling in I saw him walk through the door. My heart stopped and I immediately looked away. Edward sat at the desk across from mine but made no move to speak to me.

Jacob came and sat at the desk in front of mine. This was going to be a long year.

"How is your first day going Bella?" Jacob asked grinning from ear to ear.

"Fine thanks, and yours?" I responded politely.

"Much better now that I share a class with the hottest girl in the school." I am sure he thought he sounded suave but he didn't.

I was done trying to be polite to him "Did you come up with that line all on your own or did someone help you?"

Edward started laughing across from us and I just glared at him.

A nasal voice broke me out of my glaring at Edward "Excuse me, new girl, you are in my seat."

I so did not feel like dealing with Jessica right now. "I was not aware there was assigned seating."

She huffed "There's not, but this is my seat. If you know what is good for you bitch, you will move. Now."

I was taken aback by the hatred in her voice. She didn't even know me and she called me a bitch. The entire class was watching us to see what my next move would be.

Lucky for me the teacher walked in, because I had nothing. "Ms. Stanley, find a seat that is not currently occupied"

Jessica huffed and walked across the room to an empty seat.

Somehow I knew that would not be the end of me and Jessica.

The rest of the class went smoothly. I tried to block out the fact that Edward was so close to me. He never spoke a word to me and I had to wonder why he would even bother sitting by me if he didn't want to talk to me.

The next period was lunch. Thank sweet baby Jesus, because I needed a breather from everything.

As I was at my locker putting my books away before I headed to the lunch room I felt someone slam into me. I quickly turned around to see who it was. It of course was Jessica and her fellow skanks.

I was not certain what a skank was but from the way Alice had said the work I assumed it was not a good thing.

"What the fuck is your deal new girl?" She sneered at me

I was yet again caught off guard by her hatred and foul language "First off my name is Bella, and I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Are you fucking Edward?" She shot back.

Is that what this was about? She was worried she would lose her sex partner.

"What? No, I'm not...fucking him or anyone else." I told her hoping she would just go away.

She pushed me into the locker again, and got right in my face. "You have no chance in hell with him so just stay away. You may be naive enough think you are the only one, but I was the one sucking his cock this morning before school." She had a smug look like she was proud of this accomplishment "He is mine, and we are about to make it official so back the fuck off."

I felt more rage than I have ever felt in my life. "You are proud and bragging that he let you suck his cock?" I could not believe I had just said those words but I didn't seem to have a brain filter when I was this mad. "Well let me ask you this since you seem to think he is so into you, did he do anything for you in return? Did he get you off? Did he touch you in any way? Did he kiss you? Did he even say thank you before he threw you to the curb?" I took a deep breath "I think you are the naive one." I slammed my locker shut and walked away.

When I made it to the lunch room Alice immediately saw that I was a mess and took me to the ladies room. She let me cry it all out then fixed my makeup when I was done.

Not wanting to face everyone in the cafeteria I just went to my next class which was lab and took a seat in the back of the room. The class started filling up just as the bell rang. I was glad no one sat beside me. I could enjoy this class alone. Just as the teacher was starting to speak, Edward ran in the room.

"I'm sorry I'm late Mr. Banner." Edward said slightly out of breath. It made me wonder if he had just gotten his cock sucked again.

"Don't let it happen again Mr. Cullen. There is one seat left in the back take it now."

I looked around and sure enough he was referring to my seat, just freaking great. As if this day was not bad enough.

Edward slid into the seat next to me and set his book bag down.

He leaned over to whisper "Are you okay, word in the hall is you threw down with Jessica?"

I just shook my head at him "Don't even bother Edward."

He looked confused but didn't push it. Mr. Banner proceeded on with his lecture and gave us the last fifteen minutes of the class to start on our homework.

I pulled my books out and tried as best as I could to ignore Edward.

But he was having none of that. "Bella, I am sorry but I don't understand why you fighting with Jessica would have you angry with me."

I just rolled my eyes "No I guess you wouldn't."

"Talk to me Bella, what is going on?"

I let out a huff. I should have known he wouldn't give up "Listen Edward, you might want to tell your little fluffer, that she has nothing to worry about, we are not fucking and she can remain the queen of your cock sucking world."

He stared at me for a minute then burst out laughing which caused the entire class to turn around and look at us. I turned back to my homework blushing bright red.

"Mr. Cullen, something you would like to share with the class?" You could hear the annoyance in Mr. Banner's voice.

Edward tried to get his laughing under control "Oh I would love to share it Mr. Banner, but I don't think you would find it as funny."

Mr. Banner rolled his eyes and mumbled a keep it down.

When everyone turned back around Edward leaned in to talk to me again.

"Bella I have no idea what any of that meant, but could you please say cock again cause that was fuck hot."

I couldn't help but smile at his playfulness, but I quickly wiped it away.

The bell rang, and I started gathering my books.

Edward grabbed my arm as I started to walk away.

"Bella please don't be like this, talk to me, explain what you meant, tell me what your fight was about."

Why did this boy have so much control over me. "Edward I don't have time right now I have to get to my next class."

He was having none of that. "What class do you have next?"

I looked down at my schedule and groaned ."Gym"

Edward shrugged his shoulders "So blow it off, skip with me so we can talk."

I was shocked "What? No it's the first day of school, I can't skip" I said out loud but in my mind I was already driving off into the sunset with him.

He gave me that crooked grin "Sure you can."

I rolled my eyes for the hundredth time that day "Fine but don't expect any cock sucking to be going on."

He laughed again "I wouldn't dream of it, oh wait I might dream about it....." he trailed off

I slapped his arm "You better come on before I change my mind!"

He chuckled as he grabbed my hand and led me out of the school towards his car.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: SM owns

So im back again, with another update....obviously. And I am tired as hell so I hope it makes sense. It had been a while so I figured it was time we heard from our Eddie boy. Hope you like. I got two happy dances from my last chapter which made me do my own happy dance and in return made my children look at me like I had lost my fucking mind.

FYI they are now taking nominations for the indie twific awards. If you have a favorite story that you feel needs more exposure go nominate!!!!!!!

Review please...give me love and I give you a update by this weekend of our favorite couple skipping school :)

Chapter 12

EPOV

What a way to start off the new School year. Skipping, on the first day with Bella by my side. I can't help the big dumb ass grin on my face.

Fuck, my life has been turned upside down just in the course of a few days.

I knew when I dropped Bella off at her house after the party Saturday that my life would never be the same. But the important question was 'what was I going to do about it?'

This girl, that I barely knew had come in here like a fucking bat out of hell and made me question everything about myself.

That Sunday morning following the party I had slept in as late as possible, not wanting to remove myself from the comfort of my bed. It wasn't until Alice finally stormed in my room, yanked the covers off me and threatened bodily harm that I actually moved.

If I had been thinking straight I would have just threatened her, and told her she was taking the chance of catching my morning wood. But I wasn't in the right frame of mind. Way to fucking hung over from the night before. I will have to remember that one though, that should scar her for a while and keep her out of my fucking room.

On the ride to church she filled me in on the lie to Charlie. Not that I gave a damn what they told him. I wish Jasper would get into trouble for boning my sister. That shit just ain't cool. But truth be told I didn't want Bella to take any heat for the night before. She seemed scared enough when I dropped her off at her house.

We made it to church, and I went straight to the back pew. My plans were to sleep through the whole damn thing. But yet again nothing works out the way I fucking plan it. Jasper went and sat on the back pew as well, and not wanting to sit close to the fucking sister boner I left a huge fucking space between us and didn't even bother talking to him.

Alice drug Bella to the back pew with her and thankfully Alice sat beside me. I didn't think I could sit that close to Bella's warm body and not touch it. And I didn't want to touch it. Fuck that I did want to touch it but I was trying to have some self control and not hit on her. From what little I did know about her I knew she deserved better than being a notch added to the Edward Cullen bed post.

Although I kept telling myself that this girl, only this girl was off limits I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. Maybe that saying was true, you always want what you can't have. I have never not been able to have what I want so up until now, I would have laughed in the face of any mother fucker who had told me that.

Just what was it about this girl. Sure she smelled fucking fantastic, and she had these deep doe eyes I got lost in. But she was just so …... not every other girl. She didn't dress to impress, she didn't wear tons of make up, she didn't have fake boobs or a nose job. She was just her, and I couldn't stop starring.

I was so grateful when Charlie finally finished his sermon. I was ready to just sleep the rest of my day away and get this girl out of my head.

Then it happened. Charlie called Bella up to the front of the church. I could tell she didn't want to go and I wondered why she didn't just tell him no. But like the good little girl that she is, she obeyed her father and went to the front of the church.

I had nodded off until I heard him say the word sex. That peaked my interest and I woke right up. Maybe this church thing wouldn't be so bad after all. Then he started talking about true love waits and then it clicked. Oh my fucking god. Surely he did not expect his daughter to stand up in front of everyone and talk about abstaining from sex. It was social suicide.

Sadly that is what he expected, and she did it. Why? I have no fucking clue. Had I been her I would have done anything I could to embarrass him back.

I just hung my head down and thought of the words she should be telling him. I would have said something like 'Dad I have no clue what you are talking about, just last night the entire fucking football team ran a train on me. And boy can Edward Cullen fuck, he had the biggest dick out of all of them.'

I felt bad for her, and even worse when Mike Newton started asking his questions. Everyone knew Mike didn't get any ass unless he paid for it, my guess was he just wanted to let everyone know he wasn't a virgin and apparently embarrassing Bella to death was his big debut.

When she was done she sprinted out of the church clearly mortified about what had just happened.

Some how I convinced myself that it was all just a show for her father. People didn't abstain from sex anymore, not but choice at least. And they certainly didn't lead crusades to convince others to do the same. Imagine if everyone did this. What kind of world would we live in? One filled with a lot of horny teenagers and way to many blue balls that is for sure.

Once I made it out of the crowed church I went over to her car where she was standing with Alice, Jasper, and Jacob.

Jacob being the dumb ass that he is started teasing her. Jasper stepped up and put him in his place. That earned him a few points in my book.

Bella surprised me by taking up for herself and admitting that she was a virgin and was not ashamed of it. That seemed to make Jacob shut the fuck up and he walked away followed by Alice and Jasper.

It was a bit fucking awkward. I had never talked to a virgin before. At least not that I knew of.

I said some random shit about her being cliché to break the ice. Thankfully it worked and she joked back with me. I really enjoyed our playful banter.

When I finally made it home and into my fucking bed I knew I had found peace. That is until Jacob burst through my door.

"Fuck man don't you knock anymore, I coulda been in here bangin the hell out of some chick" I was hoping he would get the hint and get the hell out so I could sleep.

But Jacob is a dumb ass and he just plopped down in my computer chair making himself right at home.

"Well it wouldn't be the first time I have seen your white ass in mid hump Eddie boy"

I just pulled a pillow over my head, thinking if I ignored him he would leave.

No such luck.

"So what do you think bout Bella?" He asked way to eagerly.

I removed the pillow and looked at him. Was I that obvious? " What the fuck do you mean? I don't think anything about her."

"Cool man, I just wanted to let ya know that I want her first, I want to pop that cherry"

The sad thing is he said that with a straight face. He was talking about her like a piece of property that he could just fucking claim. And it pissed me off.

I had to get my anger under control before I could speak to him. There was no way that I could show my true feeling here, hell I don't even know what my true feelings are.

So I acted like I didn't give a shit "Whatever, man but I think you are out of your fucking mind if you think she is just going to give it up to you."

He gave a goofy grin "Don't you worry about my playa skills, I got this shit in the bag."

I briefly wondered why I was friends with this ass wipe "Well have fun playa, and get the hell outta here so I can get some fucking sleep"

I pulled the pillow back over my head and was out cold before I even heard him leave my room.

I woke a few hours later feeling much better. I checked my cell and had a few texts that I decided to check. Three were from fucking Jessica, I deleted those without even reading them. I had one video from Sam I decided to check before deleting. I am so glad I did because it was a video from Bella's dance on the pool table. Holy fuck she was hot. It should be a sin that someone that hot wasn't giving it up.

I ignored my semi boner and immediately called Sam. I threatened to kick his ass if he didn't delete that shit from his phone, and promise me on his mother's grave he wouldn't send it to anybody else.

I mean yeah I was gonna keep that shit and probably jack off a few times to it but I didn't want anyone else to see my Bella that way.

I looked at the clock and knew I was going to be pushed for time. I quickly showered and dressed and headed down the stairs. Everyone was already gone. My parents, and most everyone else's for that matter didn't usually make us go to Sunday night services. For some reason they seemed to think Sunday morning was enough religion to last us a week. If they only knew.

For some odd reason I decided to attend church this Sunday night, so I hopped in my car and drove like hell so I wouldn't have to walk in late.

Thankfully when I got there Alice was standing outside talking to Angela, so I wouldn't have to walk in alone. I walked up to her and motioned my head toward the door. She gave me a questioning look but didn't say anything. For once.

We walked in and I made a bee line to sit next to Bella. I made small talk with her, and got oddly turned on by her blush. During church I decided to do it up jr. high style and passed her notes. I was quickly becoming infatuated with this girl.

After church Alice told me the few of us that were there were going to get some ice cream. I rolled my eyes and told her she needed to get a poodle skirt if she wanted to pretend this was the fucking 1950's.

Truth be told I was excited to get to spend more time with Bella and I wondered if she would let me lick ice cream off her chin. I wondered what she would taste like. I bet she was fucking sweet, and soft... I had to stop those thoughts before my chubby turned into a full blown hard on.

I saw her standing off to the side and offered her a ride. She declined and said she wasn't allowed.

I decided to skip the fucking cheesy ice cream. If there was no licking Bella frankly I wasn't interested.

I went home and laid in my bed to process all my thoughts.

My conversations with Bella left me dumbfounded. Apparently this girl had no cell phone, no TV. Had strong beliefs on her virginity, and had never even been kissed.

Her father appeared to be a tyrant, controlled every aspect of her life, and she seemed deathly afraid of him.

I didn't know how to respond to her questions about why I wouldn't kiss but I would have meaningless sex. I didn't want to tell her bluntly that it felt hella good to get my dick wet at the time, even though five minutes after the feeling was gone and I was left empty again until I could get drunk enough not to feel anything at all.

It was so fucking obvious that this girl was not my type at all.

And chances were once Bella knew the real me, the partying, drunk every weekend, different girl every other day, arrogant jack ass that I was, she wouldn't want me anyway.

But there was just something about this virginal preachers daughter that made my heart race and my palms sweaty.

Monday morning I decided to try to move on from my Bella infatuation. Save us both the heartache. I would just live the wonderful life of Edward Cullen, and enjoy my last year here. I just wanted to have fun and get the hell out. I didn't need any complications with my plan.

I was going to keep my distance from Bella. Far enough away that Jacob could try to play his game but keep a close enough eye on her, that if I saw any chance he was winning that I could swoop in and save her.

Basically my plan sucked. That morning Jessica met me at my car telling me how it was our last year and we needed to be official. What ever the hell that meant. She started palming my dick and offered a blow job that I declined which surprised her just as much as it did me.

I finally got away from her and made my way into the school stopping to talk it up with my boys.

Of course the girls swooned, I am Edward Cullen, and that's my life. Jessica the official dumb blond that she is didn't take the hint and was all over me. But I am used to that shit so I just ignored her like I always do and let her make herself look like the slut that she is.

When I made it into English class and saw Bella it was a no brainier. I sat right across from her. I didn't talk to her but I just wanted to be close to her. When Jacob sat in front of her and made his dumb ass move I couldn't help but laugh at her obvious disinterest in him. I have to say I was proud of my girl for standing up to Jessica, it seems she was taking my advice to not appear week.

Lunch finally came and I couldn't help but look around for Bella the entire time and was sorely disappointed that I never saw her.

I was heading to my lab class when I ran into Emmett in the hall.

He had a shit eating grin and I had to ask. "What's got you so happy? Did Rose give it up in the janitor closet all ready?"

He laughed "Nah man, I wish. I just heard that Jessica and Bella threw down before lunch. Lauren told Ben who told Leah who told Rose that Bella kicked her ass, broke Jessica's new nose."

I was shocked and impressed sweet innocent little Bella could fight.

The final bell rang and I knew I was already late but I hauled ass to Mr. Banner's class anyway.

Imagine my surprise when the only seat left was with Muhammad Ali herself.

I asked her about it and she seemed ...pissed the fuck off...at me? I ran several scenarios through my head but couldn't come up with one that would have her mad at me.

I figured maybe she was just embarrassed by it, or afraid maybe her father would find out and burn her at the stake.

Finally when we were alloted free time to work on our homework I got her to talk. What she said left me speechless..... for a moment.

The words that left her mouth 'That I needed to tell my fluffer that her and I were not fucking and Jessica could remain the queen of my cock sucking world'

After my brain started functioning again all I could do was laugh. I would have paid a million dollars to hear her say cock again. It turned me the fuck on coming out of her sweet little mouth. And the fact that she knew what a fluffer was meant she watched porn, I think I just fell in love.

I had no fucking idea what she was talking about but she was so damn cute it didn't matter.

I somehow with my charm and charisma convinced her to skip school with me.

And that is how I got here. In my car driving away from school with Bella beside me. With a big dumb ass grin on my face.

Wondering 'what I am going to do about it.'


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT......BUT I DO HAVE AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION!**

**Thanks to shrotbritches88 for betaing for me, she is so amazing! You need to give her mad props for being so fast! And thanks to all of you who review it means so much to me and really motivates me to write faster!**

**The Indie Twific awards are taking nominations until Jan 28th. If you have a story you love and feel it needs more recognition go nominate it! **

**The wed addy is www(dot)theindietwificawards(dot)com**

Chapter 13

BPOV

We had only driven a couple of miles away from the school when the realization of what I had done hit me. We had not spoken a word since we had gotten into his car, and the silence was eating away at me. Edward seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. And that worried me. Did he regret this already?

My breathing was becoming shallow and hard. Things started getting blurry, I knew I was having a panic attack, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Edward must have snapped out of his inner musings because I could faintly hear him repeatedly asking, "Bella what's wrong, are you alright?"

I must have blacked out because when I opened my eyes we had pulled over on the side of the road, my door was open and Edward was kneeling down in front of me.

A look of relief washed over his face as I tried to focus my eyes. "Bella, please talk to me are you alright, do you need to go to the hospital?"

I shook my head frantically "No, no hospital. I just ….I sometimes seem to get overly anxious and have panic attacks. Sorry."

I couldn't even try to hide my embarrassment, I am sure he could plainly see it on my face and hear it in my voice.

"Are you sure you are alright? Do you have some pills or something you need to take?"He asked seeming to be still quite worried.

"No I just umm...it helps me to just focus on breathing" I squeaked out.

He cupped his hands around my face, and ran the pads of his thumbs over my cheeks. "Breathe Bella"

"O...Okay" I didn't have it in me to tell him that with him this close and the skin to skin contact he was making it even harder to breath.

He let out a shaky breath and released my face. I immediately missed the warmth of his hands. "If you're sure you are alright we will keep going, but I swear to God Bella if this happens again we are going straight to the emergency room."

I nodded my head at him, afraid to speak just yet.

He shut my door and walked back around to get in the driver's seat. He started the car and just sat there for a few minutes.

Finally I broke the silence "Edward, I promise I am fine, everything hit me at once and freaked me ou.t"

He took a deep breath and pulled out on the road. "What was freaking you out? I mean I know I tend to take your breath away but I never thought I could evoke that kind of reaction just from my presence."

I laughed at his arrogance "Well I just realized that I was really skipping school,... me skipping, and on the first day. I have never done anything like that, and honestly I have never even been alone in a car with a boy, well besides Jasper, and he doesn't really count. And my father,... Oh gosh Charlie is going to kill me" I started gasping for air again realizing how much trouble I was really in.

Edward reached over and started rubbing my arm. "Bella, Bella, calm down. Everything is going to be okay. Charlie will never find out. Trust me okay?"

His soothing voice and touch oddly enough did calm me. I gained control on my breathing and tried to focus solely on that for the time being.

Edward continued after he was sure I was alright "Every teenager should skip at least once, it's like an unwritten law or some shit."

I couldn't help but laugh at his attempt to condone skipping school.

"So Mr. Every parent's worst nightmare, what other unwritten laws should every teenager know about?"

He gave me that award winning smirk "Well let's see, every teenager should go to at least one party, get drunk, and do a table dance in front of the entire school, but you covered that one already."

I couldn't help but blush when he brought that up "Are you ever going to let me forget about that?"

"Not a chance" He joked. "As for the other unwritten rules,You must sneak out of your house at least once, do something completely reckless that you normally wouldn't do. You know something you will still talk about fifty years later. Oh, and you have to do all the traditional games, truth or dare, spin the bottle, seven minutes, I've never." He glanced over at me "But you probably did all that shit in Jr. High right?"

I shook my head "There is no way I would ever sneak out of my house, I would get caught and Charlie would hang me. As for the something reckless, I will have to think about that one. And the games....ah no I can't say I have played any of them, but I bet I could kick your butt at scrabble."

He let out a loud boisterous laugh. "I think I might take you up on that offer, because I am the king of scrabble."

I rolled my eyes at him, and mumbled under my breath "You think you are the king of everything"

I turned my head to watch the trees pass by the window. I was still getting used to this place. I missed the sunshine and blooming flowers from back home. "Where are we going anyway, I'm guessing your parents aren't lenient enough to condone skipping school, so I assume we are not going to your house?"

"No we are not going to my house, I am taking you to my special place" He looked at me sheepishly "I uh..have never actually taken anybody there, but I thought you would like it, and it is quiet so we can be alone to talk."

I immediately got butterflies in my stomach at the thought of being somewhere alone with Edward and had to focus on my breathing again "Oh, that sounds nice."

"So um you want to listen to music?" He asked as he leaned down and pushed a button on his stereo.

Beautiful sounds filled the car and I gasped. He reached over to try and fumble with the controls .

"I love Clair De Lune." I said stopping his hand.

He looked at me with a shocked expression. "You know Debussy?"

"Yeah, my mom, she used to listen to it all the time. It is the only other type of music I am allowed to listen to besides gospel."

He placed his hand back on the steering wheel and let the music play. "It is very soothing, I listen to it when I need to mellow. I can't imagine being told what kind of music I can or could not listen to. It must be really hard for you, living with so many rules."

There was no easy way to explain how hard it really was, and I didn't want to spend my time with Edward talking about how lousy my life was. "Yeah, it is."

After a few more minutes Edward pulled his car over to a clearing on the side of the road beside a thicket of woods. Confused as to where we were and what he was doing, I turned to Edward "Umm I may not know the area well, but this does not look like such a special secret place."

"Okay smart ass, we are not there yet, we have to walk a few miles" He said before getting out of the car.

I was shocked. Certainly he didn't think I was going traipsing off in the woods with him. He must be out of his flipping mind.

Before I could get all of my thoughts together he was opening my door for me.

"I guess that is one way to get a man to behave chivalrously, just sit in the car so he has no other choice but to open it for you." He laughed. "All you had to do was ask Swan and I would have opened the door for you."

I scowled at him as I climbed out of the car "First, of all, a lady should not have to ask, a true gentleman always opens doors for her. Secondly, I don't need you to open my door's, I can do things on my own thank you very much."

He laughed again. "You know that was a total contradiction right?"

I knew he was right but there was no way I was letting him know that. "That is not the point, the point is... there is no way I am going off in the woods with you. I tend to be accident prone, and I would probably break my ankle or something. Not to mention the bears and snakes and other animals that could eat me. And as we just discovered you are not a true gentleman so you would probably throw me to the wolves to save yourself."

He cocked his head to the side "Do you really think so little of me? I assure you no bears, snakes, or wolfs will eat you." He was trying hard not to laugh at the ridiculousness of all of this "I will be your protector, a brave and mighty warrior. Come on give it a chance. Maybe this could be your something wild and reckless? "

He stepped a little closer and held out his hand "I will even hold your hand so you don't fall."

There was no way I was turning this down, so I grabbed his hand and sent a prayer up, hoping to come back out in one piece.

I held on tight to his hand as we trudged through the woods, I did stumble a few times over logs, twigs, and once over my shoelace. He caught me every time. I even thought for a brief second of tripping on purpose, just so I could have him catch me again. I thought how pathetic that plan made me sound, and decided I didn't really care and I would save it for the way back.

"You know if anything happens to me Jasper will kill you." I warned.

"Please, I could take him with one arm behind my back." He said.

"I don't think it is possible for your ego to get any bigger" I huffed and rolled my eyes.

He suddenly stopped and squeezed my hand before he let go of it. He stepped a few feet away and climbed up on a fallen tree to push some brush aside. He turned and motioned for me to follow.

When I climbed on the trunk of the fallen tree what I saw took my breath away. It was a clearing in the middle of the woods. It was surrounded by trees and shrubbery. All of its flawless beauty secluded from the world. It even had a creek running though it at the other end. The field was filled with wild flowers of all different colors. Birds were chirping, butterflies were fluttering the grass and flowers were being blown by the breeze. This place was paradise.

I looked over to see Edward staring at me. I cleared my throat to find my voice "Wow! This place is beautiful, it looks like a place that should be in a movie."

"This is my heaven on earth, it is so quiet and peaceful. I come here when I just need to be alone and think." He said while helping me over the tree trunk.

I walked to the middle of the field laid down, and closed my eyes to just enjoy the feeling of the breeze flowing over me and the sun beating down on my face.

Edward came and sat quietly beside me. He picked a purple wildflower and stuck it behind my ear.

"Bella, tell me about yourself."

"There is not much to tell, I'm just an ordinary, plain girl." I had never been asked to describe myself, and I didn't really know what to say.

He lay down beside me, his face a inch away from mine. "You don't see yourself very clearly."

I couldn't help but giggle. "Okay, I will prove it, ask me anything you want and I will answer honestly, you will see for yourself I am just ordinary."

He thought for a moment "What is your favorite color?"

I couldn't help but blush. I didn't want to answer that one, but I had promised to be honest "It changes, but today I would have to say green."

He stuck to pretty basic questions, what was my favorite, food, season, subject in school. It got a little tricky when he got to music and movies because I didn't know very many.

"Bella, I have to ask, and I don't mean to pry, I just want to know. Why do you put up with your father's bullshit. I mean why don't you just stand up to him and live your life for yourself?"

I tried to think of how to word it correctly, but I just didn't know if he would get it "Honestly, I guess it never crossed my mind to live my own life. I just always assumed he knew what was best for me and if I followed his guidance I would turn out to be a good person. Everything I ever questioned him on he had a bible verse to back him up, and who am I to argue, I am certainly no better than God himself."

"He would often quote John 8:31-32 _If you hold on to my teachings, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"_

"My father says since he is a pastor, a man of God he is a true disciple, and God speaks directly to him and tells him what I should do and how I should act. If I disobey my father then I am directly disobeying God."

I took a breath and continued "And until just recently I didn't know how to get away with doing my own thing."

That made him laugh "Well from what you have told me you certainly don't seem ordinary to me, Bella. You are actually quite interesting. And I hope for your sake you do find your own way. Living the way someone demands you to does not seem like an enjoyable life"

I was starting to feel self conscious talking about my life so much."Okay enough about me, let's talk about something else."

He sat up and turned towards me. He held his arm out to pull me up to a sitting position as well. I crossed my legs Indian style and waited for him to continue.

"Okay, let's talk about what happened today. I heard you broke Jessica's nose. That just does not seem like you Bella. What did she do to provoke you, and why were you upset with me afterwards?"

"What!" I yelled. "I didn't break her nose, where did you hear that?"

He shrugged his shoulder "Fucking High School, everything get's turned around. So tell me what the hell did happen."

I felt my blush grow, and I turned my head away from him. I was way too embarrassed to repeat this to him.

He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him "Bella just tell me, its okay I won't say anything."

"It...it's not that, it's just that....well it was kind of about you." I tried to stall.

He looked surprised "About me? Well now you have to tell me. The first day of school and already I have girls fighting over me." He said smugly.

"Don't flatter yourself just yet, you might be kind of mad at me because of the things I said to her."

He laughed "Bella, I seriously doubt that. I am positive I have said way worse to her myself. Just tell me what happened."

"Okay, well I was at my locker and she pushed me and asked if we were...... having sex." I looked at him to gauge his reaction. He was listening intently.

"I uh told her of course not, and she told me not to fool myself because I was not the only one, whatever that meant. She said you and her were about to become official, and I needed to stay out of her way, then she started bragging about ….um....sucking your cock that morning." I had to look away from him when I said the last part.

I cannot believe I was saying this to him. "She pushed me again and I got kinda mad and um....basically asked her if you had bothered to return the favor, or even kiss her before you tossed her to the curb and I might have told her she was naive to think you cared about her."

I covered my face in my hands "Edward I am so sorry, I didn't mean to mess up your relationship, I promise I will go apologize to her and tell her you do care and I was just lying."

He started laughing uncontrollably and fell on his back. I sat and stared at him while he held his sides laughing.

Finally he got himself under control. "Is that all? You didn't beat her down and break her nose?"

"Are you kidding me, Edward I feel horrible. What if she won't forgive you? What if I ruined your relationship? I will never be able to forgive myself."

"Bella, listen to me carefully. Jessica and I do not nor will we ever have an exclusive relationship. Jessica does not mean anything to me she is just a piece of...." he stopped himself before he finished his statement.

"Ass, you were going to say she was just a piece of ass to you." I finished for him.

"Yeah, that is what I was going to say. Bella, that is who I am. And for some weird reason I want to apologize to you for the way I am. I am really not a good person and it would be best if we were not friends. I just...I can't seem to stay away from you."

"And Bella, I didn't do umm...anything with her this morning, and she certainly didn't suck me off. She offered but I declined, and I guess she was just mad about that and lashed out at you. I am so sorry about that."

I was shocked but definitely relieved. "There is no reason for you to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I know what you mean though, I feel the same way. Edward I may not like some of the things you do but you are a good person. You are just like the rest of us trying to find out who we are and what our place in this world is. And, I don't want you to stay away from me."

He grabbed my hand and started playing with my fingers "Bella you are an amazing person, and I promise if you will give me a shot at being your friend I will make a huge effort to make better choices. I am sure I will make a lot of mistakes, just don't give up on me alright?"

"I would love to be your friend if by that you mean we are actually friends and I am not just another meaningless girl that you try to have sex with."

"Bella, you could never be just another girl to me, you are way too special. And just so you know there is no way in hell I would add you to my list of meaningless sex partners."

I wasn't quite sure how to take that "Uh, thanks...I think"

"No, no, I don't mean I wouldn't love to have sex with you, cause I would, I mean you are fucking hot I just mean you deserve much better than me." He was obviously nervous and rambling and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh so you think it's funny that I get tongue-tied huh?" He asked with a devilish gleam in his eye.

Before I could react he had me pinned down on the ground and he was tickling me. I couldn't even enjoy our close proximity because I was laughing so hard.

He finally released me and it took me a minute to calm myself down.

He pulled me to stand up "Come on my new BFF, we better get back so you can get home before your father finds out."

"Unless you wanted to commemorate this totally gay moment by becoming blood brothers or some shit." He joked.

I bit my bottom lip. Did I have enough courage to ask him for what I really wanted.

He rubbed his thumb over my lip to make me stop biting it "Bella, I was kidding, I am not a vampire or anything, I don't want your blood."

I rolled my eyes, "No, I was just ….oh never mind"

I tried to walk off but he stopped me "Bella, tell me whatever it is, its okay."

I closed my eyes. Dear Lord give me courage. "I was just thinking this was such a perfect afternoon ,and I umm....will you kiss me? Will you be my first kiss? It just seems like a perfect way to end the day."

When I finally chanced looking at him he was starring at the ground. I felt embarrassed and rejected. I wanted to go home before I started crying.

"Edward, I'm sorry, it was stupid, I know how you feel about that....I don't know what I was thinking." I tried to backtrack to save some face.

"No Bella, it's just.....are you sure. Your first kiss should be special."

I stepped a few feet closer to him "Edward, you are special."

He closed the gap between us and put his arms around my waist and pulled me into a hug. Not what I was expecting but it was just as nice. I put my arms around his neck and hugged him back.

When he started to pull away I loosened my grip and started to drop my arms. He reached up and linked my arms back around his neck. I looked up at him confused. He licked his lips and bent down to lightly touch his lips to mine.

He brushed his lips against mine a few times. His lips were so soft it felt as though feathers were gliding across my lips.

It only lasted a few seconds and then he pulled away and rested his forehead on mine. He let out a deep breath. "So how was that?"

"Err I thought it would be better." I said then walked away. Once I made it a few feet from him I turned to see his expression. He was still standing frozen in the same spot. He looked like a sad little boy who had lost his puppy.

I couldn't help but laugh "Edward, I was just kidding, it was great, stop pouting."

He snapped out of his stupor "That was not very nice, Swan, you are gonna pay for that."

He started running towards me and I took off running and screaming through the meadow. He finally caught me, picked me up, and spun me around in circles.

When he finally put me down I was of course so dizzy I fell down. He collapsed down beside me "You know I can do better, give me a re-do."

I swatted his arm "Say's the boy who doesn't believe in kissing."

"What can I say, I am a changed man"

As badly as I wanted to kiss him again I didn't think my heart could handle it "Unless you want to be a dead man, you better get me home."

"Oh shit, I almost forgot, let's go." He helped me up and we walked back to his car.

We spent the entire car ride back teasing each other and laughing.

We made it back to school just as everyone was getting out. Alice helped me change back into my original clothes, and just because I was in an extremely good mood I invited her over for the afternoon. Jasper was not allowed to have company but Charlie had not said anything about me having friends over. As long as her and Jasper could keep off of each other in front of Charlie I didn't see why my plan wouldn't work.

Alice won Charlie over immediately, and I was so happy he approved of her. It was the first real friend he had ever allowed me to have. She ended up staying for dinner and helped me with the dishes afterwards.

She let me know she wanted details on me and her brother when I was ready to talk but she didn't push the subject.

The rest of my week went pretty smoothly. Every day Alice met me early and dressed me like her own personal Barbie Doll. During school I hung out with the 'gang'. Everyone seemed to accept me and I was beginning to feel very comfortable around them. Edward and I talked a lot and we seemed to be doing great as friends. Girls still threw themselves at him but he didn't seem to even notice. Jessica didn't confront me anymore, and for that I was grateful. Jacob continued to flirt endlessly with me and I just laughed it off. Alice came over every day after school to hang out, and Charlie didn't seem to mind.

Friday afternoon while Alice and I were lying in my bed talking she decided that Saturday she would have everyone come over to give my room a makeover. I told her Charlie would never go for it but she went and asked him herself, and somehow convinced him to agree. He even gave me some money to go into town to buy paint.

My life was going great. I couldn't help but think this was just the calm before the storm.

**PLEEEEEEEESE REVIEW!!!!!!! IT MAKES ME :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer :I do not own SM does....But I will own Little Ashes before the weekend is over.**

**A/N:**

**I have no flipping clue what has been going on with FF, but I promise I have been trying since Friday to upload the next two chapters. Yep you heard me correctly, two chapters.**

**Okay I was going to wait until the end to write this but I didn't want anyone trying to offer me up as a sacrifice. The chapter was soooo long, im talking like 20 pages cause I kept adding and changing things so I split it in 2 chapters. Originally both POV'S were in this chapter but I changed it and now each chapter is a separate POV just like all the other ones. So the teaser I sent out is in the next chapter. But before you get mad I am posting that chapter in just a few minutes.**

**K..still love me? Good well leave me a review then!**

**Big thanks to my beta Shortbritches85......who just posted a story 'The Facebook Killer' you should definitely go read it cause this girl rocks.**

**If you get done and need something else to read go read 'The sound of silence' by Jay's world. Amazing story. She promised another update for some reviews so go read and review cause I am personally dying to know what is gonna happen next!**

Chapter 14

BPOV

Friday night after Alice had left and the dishes were put away I went upstairs to take a long, hot shower. I let all of my stress and worries melt away. My first week had not been as horrible as I had expected. I felt I had come a long way from the girl I was just a few short months ago.

When I was done with my shower I made my way to my room and picked out my soft pale green sweats and put them on. Sure there were a few holes and the material was old and faded but they were my comfort clothes and it made me feel like I was home.

I put my hair in a messy bun on top of my head and got the Jane Austin book I had checked out from the library at school. _Dear Lord if Alice could see me now she would certainly disown me_ I thought as I pulled back my covers and climbed into bed.

Just as I was getting settled and opening my book to start reading there was a light tap on my door. I quickly stuffed the book behind my pillows. Charlie certainly would not approve of my secular reading material.

"It's open" I called out, sure it was Charlie coming to make sure I was where I was supposed to be.

Jasper stuck his head in through the door "Want some company?"

"Yes, of course Jasper, I would love some company. I feel like we haven't talked all week." I said while patting the space beside me on the bed.

Jasper made his way over, stole a few of my pillows and made himself comfortable on my bed.

"So cousin, what do you think of the sleepy little town of Forks?" He asked in his deep southern drawl.

"Well, it is definitely not what I expected."

"That makes two of us." He chuckled.

I thought for a minute "I mean I do kind of like it here. The people as strange as they are, seem to be good hearted for the most part. Well with the exception of Jessica and her followers."

"I agree most of the people do seem to be pretty accepting. And the girls here are so hot."

"Whatever, Jasper. You are not fooling anyone you only have eyes for one girl, and I agree with you she is pretty hot. And also very special. Don't take too much time getting comfortable or you might miss out on a good thing."

"I know, it's just this whole thing scares the hell out of me. She is amazing Bella. We have this wonderful chemistry that I can't even describe. I feel this pull to her, I want to be around her all of the time and when I'm not, then I'm constantly thinking about her. I feel like she is the one. And I am just so afraid I am going to screw it all up if I take a chance. "

"Jasper you are being way too hard on yourself and thinking way to deep about this. You are a great person and any girl is lucky to have you, quit being scared of the future and live for today."

Jasper looked at me shocked for a moment "How did you become so smart?"

I nudged him with my shoulder "I had a great teacher."

"I am pretty great huh?"

"Okay now you are starting to sound as full of yourself as Edward." I joked.

"So wise cousin of mine, what is the deal with you and Cullen anyway?"

I feigned innocence "We have no deal, per say. We are friends. Well we are trying to be."

"But you do like him." Jasper clarified.

I thought about my answer carefully. I had never held anything back from Jasper and I didn't want to start now, I just was not sure what my feelings were for Edward.

"Honestly, I don't know. I try not to think about it because I think I could fall for him and I think I would end up getting hurt. We seem to be from totally different worlds, and have very different opinions on morals and values, But there is just something about that boy. I feel happy when I am in his presence. When we touch I get butterflies in my stomach. When he talks to me I feel like I am on cloud nine. I feel like I can be myself around him and he doesn't judge me. Believe it or not he can actually be quite nice and endearing when he wants to be." I couldn't help the big smile I had as I talked about Edward.

"Well it sounds to me like you answered your own question. Maybe you need to stop worrying about the future and enjoy today."

I couldn't help but laugh at Jasper giving me my own advice back.

"My, my Jasper how ever did you get to be so clever?" I tried to say in my best southern voice.

He gave me a wink. "I had a great teacher."

"Touché!'"

"Listen Bella, what you said makes perfect sense. What if we do fall madly deeply in love. Even if we do get our hearts broken isn't that all part of life? Shouldn't we enjoy the time while we have it?"

"Yeah, you are completely right Jasper. It's just hard to break down those walls and fall. At least you know Alice cares for you. Me I pick Mr. Unavailable, who just wants to be friends."

"Have faith little cousin." He leaned over and kissed my head. "And know that I will always be here for you no matter what happens."

"Thanks Jasper, I love you."

"Love you to Bells. You better get some sleep seeing as how we have a long day of painting ahead of us tomorrow. In case I haven't said it thank you for having Alice over this week. I know you were doing it for me, and as soon as I can reciprocate I will even though Cullen is by far not my favorite person." He said while walking to my door.

"Jasper give him a chance. He's not all bad, just a little rough around the edges. And I didn't have Alice over just for you, I like her a lot too."

Jasper gave me a nod and headed out of my room shutting the door behind him.

Suddenly I felt panic set in. I think I just admitted I have a thing for Edward. I don't see how this could turn out good for me. Unlike Alice, Edward has not shown any signs that he has those feelings for me. Well he did kiss me, but I had to ask for it. Still he could have said no, so maybe there was something there. I would just have to play it cool with him, try not to scare him off. He definitely didn't seem like the one woman type and I was not open to him being a multiple woman man.

I was startled out of my daydream by a tapping at my window. I was scared stiff and was trying to decided whether I should hide under my bed, or scream at the top of my lungs. Before I could decided there was another tap and a muffled voice saying "Bella it's me open the god damn window, it's fucking cold out here."

I only knew one person that would use that kind of language. I slowly made my way over to the window, an opened it.

Edward swung one leg over the window seal then the other and hopped through. I stood there stunned. Speechless.

"There I go, taking your breath away again" He joked

I snapped. Had this boy lost his mind? Did he have a death wish? "Are you freaking crazy? Charlie will kill us both." I said in a very hushed voice.

"Which is why I came in through the window and not the front door." He said like it made perfect sense.

"What? How did you....why..." I couldn't even form coherent sentences.

"Relax Swan, I'm not staying long, I just had something for you. Alice told me Jasper had climbed in here before and I figure if he could do it the surely I could to." He mumbled while walking around my room looking at all my stuff.

Finally after he had apparently taken enough inventory he settled down on my bed. I was still standing by the window in a daze.

"Come on I don't bite, unless you want me to." He said patting the space next to him.

Although we had established the friends rule he still made sexual comments to me, in a way I guess I kind of liked it. I mean I knew he was just kidding and I would feel left out if I was the only one he didn't flirt with.

I rolled my eyes and went straight to my door to lock it. There was no way I was taking any chances of Charlie finding him in here.

I strolled over and stood in front of him. "To what do I owe this honor? I thought for sure it was an unwritten rule that the popular rich boy should be out at a party on Friday night, what will people think."

He laughed softly "I am actually on my way to a party so don't worry, my reputation is not in jeopardy tonight. " He tugged on the hem of my sweatshirt "I was not aware virginal preacher's daughters dressed so seductively for bed."

That is when it registered what I was wearing. I felt my cheeks heat with blush. Here is Edward Cullen in my room, on my bed, and I am wearing ratty old sweats. Could this get any more embarrassing?

"Come here I was just teasing, you look beautiful Bella, quite being such a girl."

"What! I am a girl."

"Yeah but it's just me it doesn't matter what you are wearing" He said with a shrug.

And there was my answer. He definitely only had friend feelings for me.

I decided to just go with it, being friends with Edward was better than being nothing.

I climbed onto my small bed and sat cross legged facing him. He in turn propped himself against my head board and sprawled out on my bed.

"Jeez Cullen, just make yourself at home on my bed, why don't ya." I joked while shoving his leg.

"You better be nice to me or I won't give you the present I brought for you." He said smugly.

"You got me a present? Why on earth would you do that?"

"I am offended, how about 'Thank you Edward, I will love anything you give me."

I rolled my eyes. I seem to do that a lot with him "Cut the crap Cullen, what is it?"

"Impatient are we?" He teased while pulling a small package out of his coat pocket.

I carefully unwrapped the package and was excited to receive a gift from him, even if I had no clue what it was.

I tried very hard to fake my enthusiasm "Thank you very much, I love it"

He watched me carefully for a few minutes before he spoke. "You have no idea what it is, do you?"

I let out a sigh "No, I really don't. But I do love it, and it is the thought that counts."

He started laughing and I immediately jumped up beside him and put my hand over his mouth "You have to be quiet."

He quieted down and I gave him a stern look before I removed my hand.

"Sorry, it's just that you are too damn cute for your own good. This" he said taking the small contraption out of my hands "Is an Ipod."

I shook my head still not sure what it did.

"A music player." He clarified "You download your favorite songs from the Internet on here and you can listen to them any time you want."

"I mean I know you don't have the Internet, but I thought you could just tell me some of your favorites and I could do it for you. I put some of my favorites on here and Alice put some girlie shit on here as well."

"Wow, Edward that is incredibly.....thoughtful" I said as I embraced him in a tight hug.

He hugged me back and whispered "I just thought of how much it must suck to not be able to listen to music, I hope you like it."

I pulled away and wiped the tears from my eyes. "I love it Edward, I really do. No one has ever been this thoughtful before."

"Hey, don't cry sweet girl. You deserve it. I mean it's just a hyped up fucking Walkman, no big deal."

I sniffled a little. "Okay show me how to work it."

We spent the next few hours with him showing me how to work it and us sharing the ear bud listening to all the music he had put on there for me.

When I looked at my alarm clock I noticed it was already one am. I pulled my ear bud out and nudged him. "Edward, you are going to be very late to the party."

He shrugged his shoulders. "This is more fun."

I gave him a warm smile and tried to not let his words go to my head. He could just enjoy our time in a friend way.

"Still, I have to get up early for devotion and then my big room makeover"

"Oh I see how it is, just kick me out of your room after I bring you gifts, typical girl move."

I couldn't help but laugh at his fake hurt expression.

He got out of my bed and I started to follow him, but he stopped me. "Stay here, you are already comfortable, I can let myself out."

I watched him walk to the window and he stalled for a few seconds before he turned around.

"Bella, can I...kiss you..again?"

I was momentarily stunned. That was not a friend thing to say.

"Umm...yeah?" It came out as more of a question than a answer.

He slowly walked over to the bed. He placed his hands on either side of my face on the pillows and leaned over me. He looked into my eyes for a moment before he leaned down and kissed my lips very chastely. He pulled back and ran his nose down my jaw line then his lips met mine again. This time our lips melted together and moved in sync. I tried to mimic his actions because I had no flipping clue what I was doing.

His tongue lightly traced my bottom lip. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my throat. He took advantage of my shock and slightly opened mouth and slipped his tongue inside. I cannot explain the amount of joy and arousal I had at the feeling of having Edwards tongue explore my mouth.

Instinct took over and I sucked his bottom lip in my mouth, which he seemed to enjoy very much from the sound he made. I wound my fingers in his hair and pulled him impossibly closer as I slipped my tongue in his mouth. He tasted divine. He let me take my time exploring him as he had done to me.

All too soon he pulled back then kissed my lips softly again, then my forehead.

I finally opened my eyes and he was still leaning over me, his cool breath blowing across my face.

"Breathe Bella" He said way to cockily.

I let out a loud breath "Wow!"

"That is what your first kiss should have been like." He winked and then he was gone.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: SM owns....nuff said**

**A/N:**

**I know I tend to ramble but I hope you do take the time to read these author notes. First I must say OMFG! You people rock. I am personally sending you all a bad boy Edward to lock in a closet. Okay maybe not but I wish I could. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and helped me reach and pass my goal of 100 reviews.**

**Thank you to all of my readers, and seriously don't be afraid to leave a review or just msg me to talk. I am actually very friendly and I love meeting new people. Well I think I am very friendly, Jay's world (my writing soul mate) tells me I tend to cuss way more when I am in a b*tchy mood...but who doesn't lol.**

**Thank you to JasperBelikovDimitriHale who went back to leave a review on past chapters. Every word you wrote had me in a fit of giggles.**

**Thanks to ManiacMotherland who helped me through the tough hours of FF fail. Glad to know it wasn't all in my head. If you haven't read her story 'Bella's Cowboy Romance' you are loosing out, because it is a wonderful story and amazingly written.**

**Mfrancesj ...I miss you, and I wish you well in your family's time of hurting.**

**My girl WolfGirl006 has asked me to help her with a story, and I must say I am very honored. Because of computer issues, I am posting her story on my profile. As long as FF continues to work I should have it up today, so ck it out and leave her some love.**

**Lastly I found this way cool story it's called 'Choose your own Twilight' by Talipatra**

**Basically the readers get to choose what happens next, and who Bella ends up with. I need me some Team Edward peeps to get on board, read and start voting lol.**

**This chap was no Betaed, so forgive any mistakes.**

Chapter 15

EPOV

The kiss Bella and I shared was fuckhot. But something told me it was more about the girl than the kiss itself that made it so fucking spectacular. I had to muster every bit of strength I had and force myself to pull away and get the hell out of her room. It would have been so easy to climb on top of her and fuck her six ways to Sunday. But somewhere deep inside I found the strength to walk away. I was glad I did. I don't want that kind of relationship with Bella. I enjoy her company to much, if she became just another fuck, things just wouldn't be the same.

While I was proud of my restraint, my dick was not. I swear that fucker had a mind of his own. And let me tell you he was none to pleased about our lack of pussy as of recently. He blamed it all on me of course. I tried to reason with him as I jacked off ...several times a day, that we were not 'giving up' the pussy we were just taking a small break, getting our minds to focus on what ever it is that we really want. He reminded me he knew what he wanted and that was a warm pussy or a warm mouth.

I decided to skip the party, partly because I just didn't feel like it would be worth going to if Bella wasn't there, and partly because I was way to fucking horny and hanging on the edge. I had a feeling that if I had enough alcohol and Jessica or any of the other skanks were persistent enough I would definitely end up fucking her or them. For some unknown god damn reason that myself nor my dick could figure out I didn't want to fuck them.

So I did the next best thing. I went home, climbed in the shower closed my eyes, envisioned the kiss Bella and I had and I whacked my shit off. Not the ideal situation but the end result is all the same right? Well my dick disagreed but it worked for me.

Saturday morning came way to soon. It was either that or Alice came in my room way to fucking early.

"Time to wakey wakey" She said in an annoyingly high pitched voice as she tried to pull my covers off of me. "Bella's room awaits us"

I groaned in frustration. Why the fuck did everything have to begin so early when Alice was involved.

I kept my mouth shut because I knew nothing nice would come out if I attempted to speak. I went straight to my shower did my morning ritual. Wash, rinse, repeat, jack off. Yeah my dick was not happy but I knew I better do it before spending the day with Bella. Something about her sent and eye's and curvy little body always made my dick hyper aware that there was putang near by and he wasn't getting any. I tried to keep him under control but sometimes there just was no taming him. I found that if I empty my load before being around her it helped....a little.

After dressing in my shitty clothes, cause there was no way I was risking getting paint on my good clothes I did my hair and headed down stairs.

Alice was fluttering around the house getting sheets and shit and putting them in a pile.

"Alice why the hell do we have to start so early?" I whined.

"Haven't you ever heard 'The early bird catches the worm'?"

"Yeah, but I don't want any fucking worms, I just want some sleep."

"Quite your bitchin Edward, and take that pile of sheets to the car."

I grumbled and complained but I did as she asked. A few minutes later we were in my car heading to Bella's. Alice insisted we stop at Starbuck's and get everyone fucking coffee. Fifty eight dollars and twenty three cents later we were back on our way to Bella's

When we pulled up to Bella's, Emmett was getting out of his jeep along with Jacob.

We all walked to the front door together. None of us all to chipper to be out this early on a Saturday morning. Well except for Alice.

Alice handed out the drinks, and then figured out we were one person short. I swear she should be blonde.

"Where is Rose?" She asked with her hands on her hips.

Emmett laughed "Ali you are out of your fucking mind if you think Rose is getting up this early for anyone. Besides it's not like she would actually paint."

"Very true, still she should still be here for support. Oh and before I forget you boy's better watch your language. Pastor Swan is going to be here and I need you all on your best behavior."

We all nodded in agreement. Alice finally rang the doorbell and we all waited patiently.

Jacob slapped me on the back of my shoulder "Hey Eddie, where the fuck were you last night? You missed out on some fine ass. I mean that literally Lauren got so drunk she let me stick it in her..."

Before he could finish the door swung open and there stood Bella in all of her sleepy, bed head glory. She looked shocked to see us all standing there.

"Well looks like someone is still in their sexy pj's" I teased.

Bella of course blushed and looked away.

Alice turned to me with one eye brow cocked "And how do you know what she sleeps in? I am positive no one would ever sleep in that" She said pointing to Bella's wardrobe "I'm sure these are just her clothes she doesn't mind getting ruined and then she is going to throw them out. Right Bella?"

"Um.. I ..Uh.." Bella stuttered for a minute before she found her voice "You are early, can you came back later?"

"Don't be silly Bella, we are already here and ready to start" Alice argued back.

Bella looked frightened and I wondered what the fuck was going on. She was fine when I left her last night.

"You don't understand, It's to early and we were about.."

Bella was cut off by Charlie's voice "Who is it Isabella?"

Bella let out a loud sigh as a look of defeat crossed her face. "Everyone came early to help me with my room. I forgot to tell them not to come until after devotion."

"Well, that's alright. The more the merrier, they can join us." Charlie said while joining us at the door.

Could this get any stranger? And could someone let us in the fucking door?

"I'm sure they can just come back later." Bella said giving Alice a pointed look.

Charlie was having none of that. "Nonsense, they are already here and everyone could use a little of God's word to start off the day. Now be a good host and invite them in."

Bella opened the door wider and motioned for us all to come in.

"I will be waiting in the dining room. Bella go change out of your night clothes and tell Jasper to get down here." Charlie commanded then walked away.

Bella mouthed _sorry_ then sprinted up the stairs leaving us all standing in the living room.

Emmett was the first to speak "Dude she was in her night clothes. How did you know that? Are you tapping the preacher's daughter?"

Alice turned to us and there was furry in her eyes. "Stop it now! I told you to watch your language and be respectful. Don't do it for me, do it because Bella will be the one to suffer the repercussions of your actions. Now put on a show and pretend that your parents raised you to be respectful gentleman. If you can't do that then don't say anything at all."

We all stood silently, afraid to speak. We had no brain filter and there was no telling what the fuck would come out of our mouths so it was easier to just shut the hell up.

Bella and jasper came down the stairs a few minutes later. We still didn't speak we all just nodded at them and followed them into the dining room where Charlie was waiting.

We all took a seat at the table waiting for what ever was coming next.

"We always begin with silent prayer. Ask our good Lord to forgive us of our past sins and ask him to bless us on this new day" Charlie said then lowered his head in prayer. We looked around at each other then did the same.

I wasn't one for praying much and I felt myself drifting off to sleep when Charlie said "Amen"

Jasper and Bella followed with a "Amen" so we quickly said "Amen" in unison. It would have been funny if I wasn't so scared shitless.

Charlie began the lesson. He spoke with authority and conviction. "The lord laid today's message on my heart late last night. I have learned not to question what the Lord our God wants me to teach because I know he has a purpose and a plan behind it, even if I don't know what that purpose is yet."

"Today's message is on how God is all knowing. He knows everything you do, everywhere you go, everything you say. He even knows every impure thought you have."

"Isabella will you read Psalm 139:1-4?"

Bella picked up her bible and quickly found the passage. She cleared her throat before beginning.

_Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me._

_You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar._

_You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways._

_Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely; O Lord._

As soon as Bella was done Charlie spoke."Jasper tell us what that passage say to you."

"It uh, basically says the Lord knows everything, even if we think we are getting away with something and no one else knows, he still knows so we should always try to live by the Bible's teachings."

Charlie nodded in agreement "Exactly so if you are using foul language, or having impure thoughts, or going places you should not be the lord will know and you will be judged for it one day."

"Let me ask you" Charlie said pointing to Jacob "Do you go places the lord would not approve of?"

Jacob thought for a minute. "Well I aint really sure. What places would the Lord not approve of?"

"Any where that ungodly things are going on. Sex, drugs, drinking, foul language, inappropriate music."

Jacob chuckled. "Well sounds like the Lord would not approve of me ever going home."

We all tried to hide our snickers but it couldn't be helped.

Charlie seemed taken back by Jacob's response "Well son we will just have to pray for your situation. But remember you can be a witness for for your parents. Let them see God living through you and you will be surprised what changes may happen."

"And you" Charlie said pointing to me. "Do you have inappropriate thoughts that the Lord would not approve of?"

I had two choices here. I could be myself and be brutally honest and tell him fuck yes, just this morning I had very inappropriate thoughts of his daughter as I jacked off. Or I could take the higher road and try to win him over with my charm.

I decided to lie through my fucking teeth. "Well pastor Swan, I think we all make mistakes but I do try very hard to live by the gospel and I know when I do falter I can ask for forgiveness. I have found that as long as I don't indulge myself in worldly things then I don't have a problem keeping my thoughts pure"

Ever one stared at me in shock, slack jawed, and speechless. I just shrugged it off like it was no big deal.

Our little daily devotion finally ended after another thirty minutes of discussion and one hell of a long prayer.

We made our way up to Bella's room and all of us guys moved all of her furniture out. We spent the day painting and joking around. We all stayed pretty much on our best behavior because Pastor Swan kept checking in on us. Our only mishap was when Emmett yelled "So this is where the magic happens" as soon as he walked in her room. Alice smacked his arm and gave him another warning. All in all it was a good day, and I was sad to leave Bella that afternoon.

That Sunday Bella made a point not to sit beside me and later explained her father didn't feel it was appropriate, because she wasn't allowed to have boyfriends and in his eyes if we were hanging out or sitting beside each other then we were going steady or some shit like that.

I didn't let that shit bother me because I still had her all week at school. I never thought I would actually look forward to going to school, but I did when I knew Bella would be there.

We were getting closer and closer as time went on. We seemed to gravitate towards each other no matter where we were. We sat together at lunch. Spent most of English passing notes. Biology was now my favorite subject because I had Bella all to my self. We would spend the entire period playfully arguing, and innocently touching.

I was learning a lot about Bella. Like she loved to read, but she had to sneak around to read books because her father didn't let her read much besides the Bible. She liked to cook, but hated that it was expected of her every night and she never got thanked for it. She seemed to be blossoming right before my eyes and I am so fucking glad I could witness it. She was so full of surprises, I could never anticipate what she would do or say next.

Jasper had officially asked Alice to be his girlfriend when his two weeks of being grounded were over. They were sicking to watch but I could tell he really cared for my sister and over time he did start growing on me.

He even had me over to his house a few times, and he Alice, Bella and I would all play a board game or something. Yeah me fucking Edward Cullen was playing board games just to spend time with Bella.

I really hated going to their fucking house though because Charlie was always fucking there. And it is nearly impossible to watch what I say and how I act for a long period of time. I was quickly seeing how Bella felt having to be two different people all the time.

I had asked Bella to just come over to my house a few times but she said she couldn't and to just give her some time.

Finally a little over a month since they had moved here my prayers were answered. God must be rewarding me for good behavior and I was so fucking thankful.

Charlie had to go out of town for some sort of Baptist convention thing. He had to leave on Thursday and wouldn't return home until Late Sunday night. He had asked my parents to watch Bella and Jasper while he was gone. He didn't want them to miss school and apparently he didn't want to leave them unattended for the weekend.

They could stay at their house on Thursday but Friday after school they had to come stay at our house for the weekend. Yeah it was fucking strange that they had to have babysitters as old as they were but I sure as hell was not complaining because I finally got to have Bella at my house.

Friday after school Bella and Jasper went by their house to get their clothes and shit. As soon as they made it to our house Alice kidnapped Bella and they along with Rose went on a shopping spree. I was not thrilled about giving up my time with Bella but I knew she deserved some girl time.

Sometime throughout the afternoon Emmett, Jacob, James, Lauren and Victoria all ended up at my house. The guys all played the x-box and I have no idea what the girls did.

When Alice, Bella, and Rose arrived back around six I could tell that none of them were happy to have the other girls there, but they didn't say anything.

I asked Bella to show me what she got but she just blushed and stashed her stuff in Alice's room.

"So what the fuck are we doing tonight guys?" Jacob asked while shoving pizza in his mouth.

"I think Tyler is having a party tonight." Victoria said, like she was fucking included in our plans.

"I kinda just want to stay in tonight, but the rest of you should go if you want" Alice offered.

There was no way I was going out while I had Bella to myself. "I'm with you, I just want to stay in tonight."

Jacob always up for a party had to put his fucking two cents in "Come on Eddie, you haven't partied with us in forever. I know little E needs to get wet or he is gonna forget how to work."

I immediately looked at Bella who thank god seemed confused by that comment. She obviously had no idea what Jacob was referring to.

At least she didn't know until Victoria opened her big mouth "I can vouch for Edward there is nothing little about him"

I was in a awkward position. I couldn't really disagree with her, there was nothing small about me. But I also didn't want to validate her comment.

Thankfully Alice stopped that conversation before it went any further. "Okay stop now. I do not want to hear about my brothers anatomy. We don't want to go out but the rest of you should go and have a good time. Drive safe, use protection and all that shit"

"How about we just stay here, hang out and get drunk" Emmett suggested.

Alice got very excited. "Oh that sounds great, we never just hang out anymore. We can camp out in the movie room like we used to."

Emmett and Rose thought it was a great idea. Jacob and James decided to head out to the party with their tramps.

After every one had a few shots and had loosened up some we grabbed the liquor and a ton of blankets and pillows and headed into the movie room.

We all sat around on the floor shooting the shit and enjoying each others company. It wasn't long before the other couples had paired up and were dry humping each other on the other sides of the room. Bella and I sat alone in the middle of the floor leaning up against the love seat.

"So how does it feel to be free for a weekend?" I asked hoping it wouldn't make her uncomfortable.

"It's actually really nice, I kind of feel like a normal teenager."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Bella I don't think any of us are really normal, I mean what is normal anyway?"

She nodded in agreement. "I guess that's true."

"So tell me Bella, if you could do anything you wanted right now what would it be?"

She thought for a minute. "I guess I would want to play one of those games you told me about, since I never had the chance to play them."

That was so not the answer I was expecting. "I don't know if I could tear the others off of each other but I can try if that's what you really want."

She seemed a little confused. "Can't you just play with me?"

This girl was going to be the death of me. "Um, well they are more group games. You have no idea how to play them do you?"

"No, not really, why don't you explain them to me."

I let out a sigh. I could not believe I was explaining this to her, but I couldn't deny her anything when she looked at me with those big fucking eyes.

"Spin the bottle is when you have a group of people, you get a bottle and spin it, who ever it lands on you have to kiss."

She looked shocked "You play that?"

I had to laugh "Not since like seventh fucking grade, but yeah I did but you only had to like peck the other person it wasn't like a deep erotic kiss."

That made her blush and I had to resist the urge to rub the blush on her cheek.

"Truth or dare is when again you have a group of people and you ask someone to choose truth or dare. Depending on what they choose you either ask them a personal question or dare them to do something crazy."

"Seven minutes in heaven is basically when you spin a bottle or something and who ever it lands on you have to go in a closet with them and ...do what ever."

Again she looked confused. "What is what ever?"

"I don't know, you do what ever you want I guess."

She wasn't giving up so easily "Well what would you do if you were in a closet for seven minutes?"

There was no way in hell I was telling her I normally got my dick sucked during that game. "I guess it would depend on who I was in there with."

She was quiet for a minute, and I wondered if she wanted me to go on or not.

She shocked the hell out of me when she said "What would you do if you were in there with me?"

My dick got way to excited at the possibilities and I knew I had to choose my words wisely. "I guess what ever you wanted to do."

She jumped up and held her hand out to me. "Come on and play with me."

If she only knew how bad I really did want to play with her. "Bella, I don't know, I mean it kinda defeats the purpose of the game if we are the only ones playing." Was I really trying to talk her out of this? What the fuck is wrong with me.

"Edward please? We can pretend that I spun the stupid bottle and it landed on you. I really want to do this. Please won't you let me do something crazy that I normally wouldn't do?"

There was no arguing with her logic, so I gripped her hand and let her help me up. I led her out to the foyer where our coat closet was. I opened the door and it looked awfully fucking small. I moved the vacuum out and motioned for her to go in. I followed behind her and shut the door.

I suddenly felt very stupid. We just stood there shoved awkwardly close together.

"So are we supposed to time this or something?" Bella finally asked.

"I guess we are just going to have to wing it since there are no other players to let us know when our time is up"

She giggled. "Sorry, this was probably a stupid idea, I just wanted to do something I had never done before."

"Bella, it's not stupid, I don't mind being in heaven with you for seven minutes."

"Good, now what are we going to do with our seven minutes?"

I had nothing. I knew what I wanted to do but I was trying so fucking hard to be good. "What do you want to do?"

"I..umm" she stuttered "What would you do if you were in here with Jessica?"

Yeah we were so not going there. "Bella, I don't want you to ever compare yourself to Jessica. You are so much better than her and you mean so much more to me than she ever will. I don't want to do anything to make you uncomfortable and jeopardize what we have."

Bella huffed loudly, she was clearly aggravated. "Edward quite thinking so much. I asked for this, and don't you think if I was feeling uncomfortable I would tell you?"

"Okay but if I do anything wrong please tell me" I pleaded with her.

"I promise."

Before we could waste any more of our minutes in heaven I pinned her up against the wall and leaned in to kiss her. She seemed momentarily caught of guard but it only took her a few seconds to catch on and start kissing me back. I kept my hands firmly planted on the wall beside her. I figured it would be easier to keep them from roaming her beautiful body if I didn't touch her at all.

As soon as I ran my tongue along her lip she opened her mouth slightly. She shocked me by meeting my tongue half way and playing a game of tag with it. When I knew we both needed to breath I left her mouth and licked and sucked along her neck.

When she moaned and grabbed a hold of my hair I lost all restraint. I moved my hands off the wall and placed them on her hips. Pushing myself into her a little more. I was trying with all my might not to grind into her but I was sure she could feel my raging hard on.

"Edward, Edward, stop..something is poking me. What is that?" Bella asked, while trying to move around in the cramped space to get more comfortable.

Little did she know the more she moved up against me the more she was going to get poked.

Oh God just fucking kill me now "Bella, that's um...well you see...this thing happens" There was no way to get through this without being totally emasculated so I just went for it.

"Bella, it is my fucking boner, I'm hard okay, that shit happens, it's not really something I can control it's a natural part of life." I tried to justify. I mean what the fuck does she expect I am teenage boy, this is what is supposed to happen.

The sound of Bella's giggle brought me back to reality, and I wanted to fucking die.

"I um, I mean something was poking me in my back, I think there is a hook or something back there" She practically whispered.

What the hell do you say to that. "Oh"

"Edward, are you really hard?" She sounded amused. I gulped, loudly.

"Can I see it...please?"

"What? No you can't see it." I cannot believe she just asked me that.

"Why not? I mean are you ashamed? "

"Hell no I'm not ashamed. It's just..you can't even see in here. It's fucking pitch black Bella."

She was clearly way to amused by this situation. "So let's go in the light, I have never seen a real one before."

"Really Bella, a real one. What, have you seen hundreds of fake ones?"

"Come on Edward, you know what I mean. It's just me."

My dick was literally bouncing with anticipation. Begging me to let him out to play. The problem was I knew he would never forgive me if I let him out and he got to see her but not touch her.

I had one last bargain and I knew she would never go for it and this could be the end of this ridiculous conversation. "I tell you what, I will show you mine if you show me yours."

"Okay, what do you want to see" She replied way to fast.

Holy hell, what didn't I want to see.

Luckily I was saved by the bell, or my father at least.

"Esme dear why is the vacuum in the middle of the floor" I could hear his muffled voice behind the door just before he opened it.

Bella and I stood there frozen starring at my father who had a very smug smile on his face.

"I was ..uh... just showing Bella...yeah" I said before grabbing Bella's hand and leading her out of the closet.

**So what did ya think? …..Leave me a review and let me know.**

**Do you have any great ideas for truth or dare questions? Let me know asap.**

**Has anyone bought or seen Little Ashes? I can't find it and I am wondering where you can buy it at.**


	16. Chapter 16

_**Disclaimer: I do not Own Twilight or any of the characters. **_

_**A/N:**_

**I decided to leave my note up here, cause well you might be so mad at me at the end of this chapter that you wouldn't read it. *cringes slightly***

**Thanks to Shortbritches88 for betaing for me. **

**Major thanks to ManiacMotherland for helping me out and polishing this up for me :)**

**Big hugs to Jay's World who is posting this for me cause my computer is down.**

**Sorry for the delay, I have had some computer issues, but luckily I have some great friends on here that are helping me out. :)**

**It seems I have had a lot of new readers and reviewers lately, and I am so grateful. I would love to know how you found out about this story, so let me know if someone told you about it so I can thank them myself.**

**Don't forget I am on twitter under ****im random girl****. Also there are a few outtakes posted on my page for this story, check them out if you can.**

**Rec's this week**

_**Just one night by**_** LittleMissInnocence : I love her Edward in this one!!! ****Great story!!**

**ManiacMotherland has been super busy and has posted 2 new stories. A HP one that is HOT **_**'Same time, Same Place'. **_**Her other one**_** 'Just like a woman' **_**has definitely made it to the top of my favorite stories list!**

**Of course '**_**Sound Of Silence'**_** by Jay's World, she is also working on a one shot '**_**Your Personal Stalker**_**' that I have seen sneak peaks to, it is going to be spectacular! **

RCPD Chap. 16

**BPOV**

I was totally mortified that Mr. Cullen had found us in the closet. Although he didn't say anything, the look on his face told me that he knew exactly what we were up to. Well, maybe not exactly, but he had a good idea.

Edward just shrugged it off as though it was no big deal. Only it was a huge deal to me. What would his father think of me? First he helps me lie to my father, then he comes to my rescue when I am so drunk I can't stand, and now he catches me trying to seduce his son in a closet.

Okay, maybe not seduce. Truth be told, I had no idea what to expect and I would not have let things go too far, but when Edward told me he had an erection, my curiosity won and I wanted to see it. Maybe touch it, just once. I am sure I would have later regretted it, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to actually see one in real life.

Edwards reaction surprised me a bit. He always seemed so proud of his manhood, but in that moment of truth, he was bashful. Not what I expected at all. When he had asked to "see mine"—something of mine, we hadn't quite figured exactly out what that was going to be when Edward's father interrupted —I had answered before I even had time to process what he was asking. Would I have really stripped off my clothes and revealed myself to him? Probably not. But it was nice to think I was adventurous enough to consider it.

After our seven interrupted minutes of heaven, we made it back to the movie room and the others were sitting in the floor talking. Apparently, their mouths had gotten far too chapped to continue their make-out session any longer.

Alice was the first to speak. "And just where have you two been?"

Edward mumbled, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." And plopped down on the floor beside Emmett.

I went to sit beside Jasper, thinking Edward might need some space from me. Jasper gave me a questioning look and I just shrugged my shoulders.

They decided to watch a movie, and after a vote, it was decided we would watch The Hangover.

The movie was pretty funny, but I found myself blushing at quite a few of the scenes.

I must have fallen asleep at some point during the movie, because the next thing I knew, I heard a click and then some giggles which were followed quickly by feet scampering away. I groggily opened my eyes and tried to adjust to my surroundings.

When I realized Edward and I were the only ones in the room, and that I had been sleeping on top of him, I jumped up as I tried to remove myself from his embrace as quickly as possible.

Only when I did this, I lost my balance and fell right back on top of him, knocking the breath out of him and startling him awake.

The moment our eyes met and that smug grin crossed his face, I could have died of embarrassment.

"All you had to do was ask, Bella. No need to mount me while I sleep," he said, in a raspy morning voice.

I rolled my eyes as I extracted myself from him. "I assure you, I was in no way mounting you, asleep or otherwise. I have no idea how I ended up here. The last thing I remember is watching the movie."

He leaned up on his elbows and I couldn't help but stare at his muscular shirt-clad stomach.

"See something you like?" he smirked.

Embarrassed that I had been caught staring, I started to get up off the floor. Before I could get very far, however, he reached out to grab my arm and stop me. Again, I lost my balance and fell onto him again.

He let out an _oof _but put an arm around me to hold me there.

"You are a warm blanket and I'm not ready to get up yet, so you are pretty much stuck here, Swan."

I was very aware that I was laying draped over him with my head on his naked chest. Honestly, I could stay like this all day, so I didn't put up a fight about getting up. I laid there listening to his heartbeat while he tried to run his fingers through my tangled hair.

In a small voice I almost hoped he wouldn't hear, I asked, "So should we talk about last night?"

"Yeah sure. Not much to tell," he began. "You fell asleep on Jasper's shoulder. I was worried you would wake up with a terrible kink in your neck, so I moved you so you could sleep in my lap. I guess somewhere in there I fell asleep and you tried to have your way with me," he teased.

I smacked his chest hard and felt his muscles tighten under my hand. "I did no such thing, Cullen. You must have just been having a very vivid dream, subconsciously hoping I would have my way with you."

He let out a chuckle and rubbed the spot I had hit him just seconds before. "Didn't anyone ever teach you violence is not the answer?"

I rolled my eyes, not that he could see that though. "That's not the part of last night I was referring to."

"Oh, well yeah about that..." he trailed off.

"I am so sorry," I said, before he could come up with an excuse as to how I was so out of line.

"Bella, be serious. What in the hell do you have to be sorry about?"

I took a deep breath, mortified by everything I was about to say. "I am sorry I talked you into playing that game with me, and I am sorry I convinced you to kiss me again, and I am sorry I made you uncomfortable by asking to see your umm... your thing, and I am sorry your dad found us and that you will probably be in big trouble for that."

"Okay, Bella stop. You did ask me to play the game, but I obviously didn't put up much of a fight, did I? And for the record, you didn't convince me to kiss you—I had been dying to do that all night. As for asking to see my 'thing'…. first off, Bella it's a dick and if you don't even feel comfortable saying the word dick that tells me you are nowhere near ready to see one. When you can come to me and say 'Edward, show me your fucking dick', then I will gladly whip it out for you."

His words made me blush but I knew they were true and he was only looking out for me.

"Bella, I like you a lot. I consider you one of my closest friends, and I want to be here for you to talk to. I want you to feel comfortable enough to ask me anything, but I also want you to be aware that if it's something I don't think you are ready for, I will tell you. Not because I am trying to be an asshole, but because I don't want to do anything to damage our friendship."

His words kind of stung. He considered me a close friend, and he didn't want to damage that. So all the thoughts I had that he may want more were just me wishing for more. At least I knew he cared and didn't want to damage what we had, even if it was just friendship. That was some comfort.

Wanting to change the subject, I asked, "What about your father?"

Edward chuckled again and the vibrations made his chest rumble and made my heart pound at the vibration. I clung a little tighter to him. This boy brought out desires in me I never knew I had.

"Bella, my father does not give a shit that we were in the closet. He will not be angry. He may tease me relentlessly about it, but he definitely won't be upset. Now, had he caught us going at it like rabbits, then we would probably be having 'the talk' with him right now. But what we were doing was innocent, no big deal, so don't worry about it. Kids do that kind of thing in junior high all the time in the real world, just not the world that you come from. I did it all the time in junior high and most of the girls I did it with actually managed to get a hand on my dick."

I had to fight the tears back. He considered what we had done, no big deal. I was just another girl in a closet to him. But to me it was a huge deal. I should have known. If you play with fire, you get burned, and in that moment, I felt like I was standing in a pit of fire with no way out.

How can I feel so strongly for him, I wondered to myself. Hang on every touch and word like my life depends on it, while to him, it's just "no big deal".

Alice came in and announced breakfast before I could dwell on it any longer. Edward and I got up off the floor and made our way to the kitchen. The smell of bacon and eggs made my stomach rumble. I couldn't decide what I wanted first, the food, or some coffee.

As I rounded the corner, I could hear everyone engaged in chatter before I could actually see them. I entered the kitchen behind Edward. He went straight to the counter and started fixing a plate while I stood by awkwardly not sure of what to do.

Esme seemed to notice my hesitation "Well, good morning, Bella. How did you sleep? Please, help yourself to some breakfast," she said, while motioning to the mountain of food on the counter."

"Fine. Thank you," I replied while getting a plate for myself.

Alice giggled then thought she should add to the conversation. "Her and Edward slept so comfortably last night neither of them wanted to get up this morning."

I could not believe Alice was talking about this right in front of her parents.

Mr. Cullen decided to join in the teasing. "I am so sorry, Bella, but before Edward pulls the wool over your eyes you should know, he came out of the closet last night."

Everyone erupted in a fit of laughter. Edward looked up to me and muttered, "See, I told ya."

I had no idea what was so funny or how this in any way related to anything he had told me. Jasper, sensing my confusion, discretely leaned over and told me Mr. Cullen was making a joke implying that Edward was gay.

I still didn't really get it but I wasn't going to question it.

Emmett had opened his mouth I am sure to add to the teasing of Edward but Rose slapped the back of his head before he could say anything.

"Ow, Rosie what was that for? I didn't even say anything."

"But you were going to, and I am quite sure it would have been vulgar and inappropriate in front of our present company," Rose said while looking at Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

Esme winked at Rose. "Thank you, dear."

We all ate our breakfast and then we teenagers made our way back to the living room.

"What should we do today guys?" Alice asked as she flipped through a thick magazine.

"Strip poker?" Emmett offered. Rose let out an annoyed huff.

"Oh, count me in," Edward added.

I couldn't hide the scowl on my face. The nerve of this boy. He doesn't want to show me his... thing but he doesn't mind stripping in a room full of people.

"So small fry, you in?" Emmett was looking right at me.

"I, um....I don't know how to play poker," I stammered out.

This did not seem to discourage Emmett at all. Instead he started rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "Sweet! We know who the first one naked will be!"

There was no way that was happening, so I started to disengage myself. "I don't think so. You go ahead… I have some homework to do."

This seemed to get everyone's attention. Especially Alice. "Bella, we are not playing strip poker, but you are also not doing homework tonight. We are going to do something fun and exciting. I'm just not sure what that is yet."

Emmett stood and held his hand out to Rose. "When you've decided on what tonight's activities are, give me a call. Until then, me and Rose are gonna be getting our groove on." He said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

After they left, I felt sure that Jasper and Alice would like some alone time as well, and I decided that I could use a little time to myself as well, so I asked to use the shower.

I took my time, not as worried about water conservation as I normally would have been, since heaven knows the Cullens were good for it. Besides, I needed the time to myself. I needed the quiet and the steam and solitude. I needed to get my thoughts in order. After a good hot shower, things seemed a lot more in focus. Of a few things I was certain. I had very strong feelings for Edward Cullen. He cared for me, but not in the same way. To him, I was "no big deal", and so I knew I couldn't let things go on as they had with us. And if we were nothing more than friends, then the physical stuff needed to stop. I was definitely not that kind of girl.

I exited the shower with renewed vigor. If Edward wanted to be friends, then by golly, we could be friends. But that was all. No more touches, or flirting or sleeping on him and certainly no more kissing.

I put on a pair of pajamas knowing there was no point in dressing myself because Alice would do that for me. I combed through my hair but left it hanging. I walked out into the hall and was met by Alice.

"Oh good, I wanted to catch you before you got dressed," she clapped her hands then led me to her room.

She dug through the bags of clothes that we had purchased yesterday, in search of the perfect outfit.

"Did you guys decide on what we were going to do tonight?" I asked, a bit nervous of her answer.

"Oh yes. We decided to hang out here, have a few people over. The guys are going to play poker and I am going to set up the karaoke machine. Don't worry, Bella. It will be fun."

"Sounds fun, but there is no way I am singing."

Alice winked at me. "We will see about that, missy."

I let out a huff. There was no way I was singing, but I knew arguing with her would be pointless. "Who all is coming?"

Alice continued pulling things out of the bags. "I am not sure. I called Rose and she is in charge of calling a few people. I sent Edward and Jasper to the store to get some food and then set everything up. And I am in charge of making sure you look drop-dead gorgeous.

She seemed to take her job seriously, because she spent hours making me try on different outfits, then doing my hair and make-up.

When I was finally dressed and primped to her approval, she started getting herself ready.

By the time we finally made it downstairs, there were already quite a few people there and the scene was already laid out for the party. Chips and drinks on the counter. A small table set up with cards and poker chips on it. A karaoke machine hooked up to the flat screen TV. Soft rap music pouring from the overhead speakers.

No one seemed to be engaged in any of the activities yet, though. They were all just standing around talking.

Then Mr. and Mrs. Cullen walked through on their way to the door. "Okay, kids we won't be out too late. Don't get too rowdy, and absolutely no drinking and driving." Mr. Cullen said while helping Mrs. Cullen with her jacket.

"Sure thing, Dad," Alice said, kissing him on the cheek.

As soon as their car pulled out of the driveway, the music was turned up, the lights were dimmed and beer was pulled out.

As the night wore on, I did my best to stay away from Edward. I thought it would be best if I didn't even look at him. I did fine for the first hour or so, then I gave in to temptation and went to sneak a peek of him at the poker table. Sure enough, he was sitting at the small table laughing with his cards in one hand, a beer in the other, and Jessica in his lap.

It was Jessica that did it. I couldn't stand the thought of her touching Edward, and in a moment of thoughtless jealousy, my no-more-drinking rule was out the window. I grabbed myself a beer. It tasted horrible and I wondered how people could drink this like water, but I chugged it down nonetheless.

Alice announced the guys needed to take a break and everyone needed to pair up for a karaoke contest. I convinced her to let me be a judge, since that way I wouldn't have to sing. I didn't know any of the songs and I would surely mess up and embarrass myself if I actually tried to sing.

Jessica's group of girls went first. They sang something by the Spice Girls. Jessica had even put her hair up in pigtails so she could look like Baby Spice, although it just made her look ridiculous. They sounded horrible, and by the way everyone was snickering, I could tell their song choice was not a good one.

A few other groups went. Some weren't half bad and some were so comical I couldn't stop laughing.

Tanya choose to sing "Like a Virgin" by Madonna and nobody was convinced.

Alice and Rose went up and sang "I Love Rock and Roll" by Joan Jett. They were surprisingly very good. Everyone was swaying and singing along with them.

The last group up was Edward and Jasper. I was a little shocked they had decided to play together. That is until they both pulled out their guitars and said they didn't need the background music from the machine.

They pulled two chairs up to the front and put the microphone between them. I had never heard the song before but they played and sang amazingly together.

Edward took the lead on the first verse.

_Hangin' round downtown by myself  
And I had so much time  
To sit and think about myself,  
And then there she was  
Like double cherry pie.  
Yeah, there she was  
Like disco superfly.  
I smell sex and candy here.  
Who's that lounging in my chair?  
Who's that casting devious stares  
In my direction?  
Mama, this surely is a dream._

The harmony and enthusiasm they shared playing together was astounding.

I had no idea what sex and candy smelled like, but after hearing Edward sing about it, I was willing to bet it was a very good thing.

Jasper took the lead on the second verse.

_Hangin' round downtown by myself  
And I had too much caffeine  
And I was thinkin' 'bout myself,  
And then there she was  
In platform double suede.  
Yeah, there she was  
Like disco lemonade.  
I smell sex and candy here.  
Who's that lounging in my chair?  
Who's that casting devious stares  
In my direction?  
Mama, this surely is a dream._

And they both closed out the ending.

_Mama, this surely is a dream  
I smell sex and candy here.  
Who's that lounging in my chair?  
Who's that casting devious stares  
In my direction?  
Mama, this surely is a dream._

It was a unanimous vote. Edward and Jasper won, hands down. And they were very proud of that fact. They were accepting congratulations and high fives all around. Then Jessica went and threw herself into Edward's arms that I couldn't take anymore. I had to get out of there, fast.

I quietly made my way to the back of the house and out the back door. I was sitting on the steps when I heard it open again. I half-hoped it wasn't Edward and still half-wished that it would be him.

When I turned to see who was intruding on my self pity, I was disappointed that it was just James.

He walked down the steps and stood in front of me. I stood too, feeling awkward by our close proximity.

"You okay?" he asked, but he didn't seem to really care about the answer.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just wanted some fresh air," I replied politely but without much enthusiasm.

He nodded his head. "I know whatcha mean."

He was swaying back and forth and slurring his words. Clearly drunk.

He pulled out something that resembled a cigarette only it was smaller and looked a bit crumpled. He lit it and inhaled deeply.

He held it out to me. "You wanna hit?"

Not sure what exactly what "a hit" was, I shook my head and looked away.

"Come on, it's just a little pot. It will help you relax," he pried.

I had never been offered drugs before. I was having an internal battle. Honestly, I did want to try it, just to see what it was like. But not under these circumstances, with someone I barely knew.

Sensing my hesitation, he pushed himself towards me and put one hand on my shoulder. "Just open your mouth when I tell you to, and hold it in as long as you can."

He took a long pull on the rolled paper then leaned towards me. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth. I sucked his breath in as he exhaled it and then choked and coughed and gagged as the smoke filled my lungs. James just laughed and patted me on my back.

When I finally caught my breath, I started laughing too. I was kind of funny, after all. The world seemed kind of funny there for a bit. The next thing I knew, however, he was very close to me. Very much in my personal space. Then his lips were on mine. I was stunned and didn't know what to do. His lips didn't feel bad, but they didn't feel right either. He wasn't Edward was all I could think of right then.

Before I could decide if that was a good thing or not, we were interrupted by a loud angry voice yelling.

"What the _fuck_ is going on here?" the voice rumbled like the wrath of God.

We immediately broke apart, and I looked up to see Edward's angry green eyes blazing back at me. He growled at James who was laughing now. My head felt like one of those whirlygig rides at the fair.

_Ah, fuck me_ was all I could think before I barfed all over James' shoe. Surprised that I could say "that word" even in the privacy of my own mind, I felt the world go hazy for a bit and then looked back up at Edward who was starring daggers between James and I.

**If you are not tooooo (see I took your advice Julie lol) mad, leave a review...Okay even if you are mad, you can still leave a review :) (I am doing that right after I post this! Which I guess is...before, ya know, because I posted it and saw it first and...yeah - Jay's World)**

**Music motivates me to write ....tell me what your most motivating song is!**

**Oh I almost forgot...I posted a pic of Edward and Bella on my page :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: SM owns the characters.**

**A/N:**

**Big thanks to ManiacMotherland for betaing this chapter for me. You are amazing and I appreciate all of your help!**

**So I have a few things to say:**

**First Rebel Child and a Preacher's Daughter has been nominated at the IndieTwific Awards for best use of a parent. So when you get done reading this chapter go look for the link on my page and vote :) There are also a lot of other good stories in many different categories so make sure to read through them and vote as well. I know ManiacMotherland has a few stories in there as well as Jay's World.**

**Second This totally awesome chick AriCullen1134 made a banner for my story AND made a video on youtube for this story as well as one for my other story 'The Only Way Out'. She worked very hard on them and did a great job so please go check them out (links on my page) and feel free to let her know what a great job she did.**

**This chapter is long and I poured my heart and soul into it so I hope you like!**

Chapter 17

**EPOV**

Seconds passed like minutes. Minutes passed like hours.

Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. Not even the fucking crickets chirped.

Complete fucking silence.

My head was spinning, desperately trying to make sense of what had just happened.

Images were still flashing through my mind. James kissing Bella. James' body pressed up against Bella's. James' lips touching Bella's lips. Fuck.

The words were there on the tip of my tongue, only I couldn't force them out.

The same thing kept replaying in my head. _Why her? Why Bella?_ James could fuck any of the girls there. Hell, he already had fucked most of them. So why did he have to tarnish Bella?

My world was crumbling. My head was pounding. My heart was breaking.

And still nothing but fucking silence.

The tension was so thick, and it was hard to breath. No one knew what to say, how to fix things, how to go back.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the silence was broken. Jasper walked out the door, having no clue what he was walking into. "Hey man, we kicked ass in there! You want to go play something else...."

He trailed off as he noticed the awkward situation. He immediately noticed Bella and a confused look crossed his face. "Bella, what's going on? Are you alright?"

He waited for a response, but still no one spoke.

"Is that pot I smell? Bella, were you smoking pot?" Jasper asked, seeming to not believe the words himself as he spoke them.

Bella snapped out of whatever trance she was in. "What? No, of course not, Jasper."

The thing about Bella, though, is that she is a terrible liar. And it was obvious she was not telling the truth at that moment.

All of our eyes then turned to James who was holding the smoking joint plainly in his hand.

He shrugged like it was nothing, put the joint between his lips and started trying to carefully pull off his fucked-up, puke-covered shoes.

I knew one thing for certain. James needed to get his ugly mug far away from me before I did something I may or may not later regret. No, fuck that. He should stay, I decided. No regrets. I was going to enjoy kicking his sorry ass.

Still, give the boy a chance to run away. It would be fun to see him run with his tail between his legs. I took a deep breath to calm myself. "James, you need to leave. Now!" I growled at him.

James looked shocked as hell, "Dude, what the fuck? So I fucking kissed her. It's free pussy. Why do you even give a shit?"

Before he could utter another word, I snapped. I lunged at him, tackling him to the ground. I punched him square in the nose and watched him wince in pain. Time once again stood still as I continued my assault on him. I was slightly aware that people were yelling, that blood was pouring from his face, and that my hand was throbbing. Only I didn't care. I kept hitting him and telling him what a worthless bastard he was.

He did manage to block a few of my hits, and get a few in of his own, but my anger was keeping me from feeling any pain.

Luckily for him, Jasper and Emmett were finally able to pull me off. I am not sure when Emmett or the others had come outside, but once I managed to calm down, I noticed a crowd had formed around us.

James picked himself up off the ground and ran his hand across his bloody nose before he spoke. "Have you lost your fucking mind? You're fighting me over a girl? Are you really that desperate these days that you can't get your own pussy? So you got to try and cock-block everyone else?"

He had no idea what he was talking about, but I sure as hell was not going to try and explain myself to him and all these nosy motherfuckers standing around. "Man, fuck you!" I yelled back at him, instead.

"Oh, fuck me? Well that's what _she _was trying to do until you showed up," James said, pointing back at Bella. He obviously didn't know when to shut the hell up. His next comment was his death-wish. "I get it now. You wanted to be the first one to tap that virginal ass. You're just pissed 'cause I beat you to it."

This time I didn't have to shut him up. Jasper beat me to it. Before he could be stopped, Jasper had punched James and sent him flying to the ground. He also managed to get a few good kicks in before Emmett pulled him away.

Felix rushed over to help James up off the ground and told him he'd better just fucking go home.

James, apparently tired of getting the shit beat out of him, did as he was told this time.

"Okay, show's over people. Everyone back inside," Emmett said, trying to usher everyone back in. He patted my back. "You should go clean up. I will have a drink waiting for you."

I nodded, letting him know I would be in when I was good and ready.

Eventually, everyone lost interest and started heading back inside. As the crowd thinned, I let my eyes fall on Bella where she was standing with her brother. She had tears streaming down her face as she listened intently to whatever Jasper was saying to her.

As Jasper looked over to me, I silently pled with him to give Bella and I a few minutes alone to talk.

He must have understood what my eyes were saying, because he hugged Bella and then said loud enough for me to hear, "I will just be inside, if you need me." With that, he walked inside, leaving Bella and I alone.

I started walking towards her, thinking I would offer her a hug or some kind of comfort. She must be scared to death, with the way James attacked her.

Before I got close enough to wrap her in my arms, however, she spoke.

"Edward, what the hell were you thinking? Why did you do that?" She spat with venom lacing her voice.

I was taken back. I was defending her honor, and she was angry with me?

"Bella, he was taking advantage of you. I was defending you." I said totally confused by her words.

"Taking advantage of me? Edward he wasn't taking advantage of me. He was just kissing me."

I was shocked. It had never crossed my mind that Bella had let him kiss her or that she had wanted him to kiss her. Not _my_ Bella, she would never allow that. He must have forced himself on her, and I saved her before he could do anything else. Nothing else made sense.

"Edward, believe it or not, some people do actually think of me as girlfriend material, and they do actually want to kiss me"

I scoffed at her. "Did you hear anything he just said? He does not think of you as girlfriend material. He only had one intention with you tonight, and that was to get into your pants. Bella, I know him. Fuck, I_** am**_ him. Guys like us don't care about girls. We only care about getting a piece of ass, then we have no need for the girl until we want to get laid again."

I tried to soften my voice a little as I continued. "Bella, you are not that kind of girl. Don't deceive yourself into believing there's more to guys like us, because there's not."

Bella closed the distance between us. "No, Edward, you don't deceive yourself. Just because you don't want more, and you treat me like one of your hoes does not mean every other guy is like that. Maybe James did have ulterior motives. But you know me Edward. Do you honestly think I would have let things go that far? Listen to me, carefully. I can kiss whoever I want. I am not some damsel in distress that needs to be rescued."

_Where the fuck was this coming from?_ I looked at her without a fucking clue in my head.

"What the hell are you talking about? I have gone against everything in my nature to make sure I treated you with respect. If you were just any other girl, I would have already fucked you silly and never spoken to you again." I was getting angrier by the second and my voice was rising. I was trying hard to keep my cool and not yell at her. "How can you even say that to me?"

"Well, let's see. How about all the touching, and flirting and kissing, sneaking into my window. Telling me jokes when I'm sad, always giving me encouraging words when I am nervous.... making me fall for you, then telling me we are just friends and it was all no big deal."

Her tears were flowing again and she was yelling. "Tell me then, Edward, is that what you do to all the other girls? Lead them on then tell them that they are not girlfriend material, that they are no big deal?"

I couldn't believe she thought I was treating her like all the other girls. "Bella, I never meant to lead you on. But don't you see that this just proves what I have been saying? You are not like all the other girls. They know how I am, and they expect it. Bella, they know I am not going to give them anything more than a fuck."

"Really, Edward? Because I seem to remember Jessica shoving me repeatedly into my locker because she was threatened by me. If I remember correctly, she was telling me how you and her were about to become official. Seems to me you are playing a sick game with a lot of people's hearts."

Fuck, she had me there. "Bella...I am so sorry. I never meant to be that person to you. I care about you a lot, I really do. But you have to see that I am not good for you. You deserve someone great, that would never make these kinds of mistakes. I am just not that guy."

She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. "I get it, Edward. You have been perfectly clear that you only want to be friends and that I am no big deal."

"No, no, no!" I was getting quite aggravated with her for twisting my words around. This is exactly why I don't have girlfriends. "I didn't mean_ you_ weren't a big deal. I just meant the things we were doing were not a big deal…"

Which was exactly the wrong thing to say. She cut me off before I could finish. "See, that is what hurts the most. It was a big deal, a huge deal to me. I think you were right before. I think it would be best if we were not even friends. But mark my words, Edward Cullen. One day, there is going to be a girl that is going to take your breath away, and turn your world upside down. She will be the best thing that ever happened to you, but if you don't change your ways, you are going to miss your chance with her, and you will regret it for the rest of your life."

She turned and walked away, but as she opened the door, she turned to me. "One more thing. Just because you don't want me does not mean no one else does, Edward. So don't ever step in like that again." And then she was gone.

I'm not sure how long I stayed outside alone. The music died down, and the crowd got quiet. After a while, I assumed that most people had either passed out or gone home.

I sat alone with my thoughts, trying to figure out when exactly my night went wrong. I had thought I was helping, not hurting Bella. Truth be told, I would have reacted the same way even if I had thought Bella had wanted James to kiss her. Seeing them like that sparked some emotion I was not familiar with and all my brain could think about was stopping James, because Bella was mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.

But that wasn't just me, not how I usually behaved. So I just sat there trying to forget about it all. Eventually, Emmett came and sat beside me on the porch. He handed me a bottle of Crown. I took a large gulp and enjoyed the burn as it went down. I deserved the pain. Emmett sat with me in silence, letting me drink myself to numbness.

At some point, he helped me inside, into my room, and in my bed. He left, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Once again, I was surrounded by darkness and more painful silence. I drifted off to sleep, not wanting to wake up and face tomorrow.

When I woke up the next day, I had a splitting headache. As the memories from last night filtered in, I hoped it was all a dream. But the nausea and the churning in my stomach told me it was all reality.

When I looked at my clock, I was shocked to see that it was already two in the afternoon. A bit shocked that I had not been woken up and forced to go to church, I slowly climbed out of bed and got into the shower.

I hoped the water would wash away some of the despair I was feeling. But it didn't. I felt just as shitty after my shower. I dressed slowly and made my way downstairs.

The house was fucking trashed and I was so thankful we had a cleaning company to take care of this shit. I made my way into the kitchen and saw Alice, sitting at the island, picking at a sandwich.

"Morning," I said, grabbing a water from the fridge.

"Hey," she responded, taking a small bite of her sandwich.

The house was way too quiet. "Where is everyone?"

"Mom and Dad went out to lunch. They are pretty pissed that the party got so… out of hand and about the condition of the house. They said we had to clean the house ourselves."

I groaned, running my hands over my face. "That's why we have fucking cleaning people."

Alice nodded in agreement "True, but they say we needed to take responsibility for our actions. Go ahead and prepare yourself for the lecture they are going to give you. I already got mine, so maybe they will have calmed down some by the time they get to you. Because, trust me, it was not pretty."

Almost afraid to ask, I forced the words to come out, "And Jasper and Bella?"

She looked down at her plate and continued picking at her sandwich. "They went home."

She grew silent for a moment and I could feel the tension in the air. I knew what was coming and I just wasn't ready to face it yet.

"Edward, you are my brother, and I will always love you. But Jesus Christ, what were you thinking?"

I held my hands up to stop her. "Alice, save it. I promise nothing you can say can make me feel any worse than I already do."

She nodded her head in understanding and got up to throw her half-eaten sandwich away.

We spent the remainder of the day cleaning the house. Both of us skipped night church services so we could finish the task.

I went to bed early that night, unable to take my parents' disapproving looks .

As I laid in bed, I tried hard to understand these feelings I was having. Why did I feel so bad? I couldn't count how many times I had told Jessica and many other girls that I didn't do "the relationship thing". Yet, I'd never felt like this. Like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on. I felt lonely. Like there was an important piece of my life missing.

Was it because Bella didn't want to be my friend? Was her friendship the piece of the puzzle that was missing?

Monday morning came way too fast, and I just was not ready to face Bella or the rest of my demons. I convinced my mom that I had a stomach-ache and couldn't go to school. My father, being a doctor and all, didn't fall for it for one minute. Apparently, he knew more then he let on, because he told me I could stay home just for today, but I eventually would have to face my problems. He also let me know he was there for me if I wanted to talk.

I spent the day in my room listening to music and channel surfing and thinking about Bella. I wondered what she was doing, who she was talking to, and what Alice had dressed her in that morning.

I was hopeful that, after a few days, she would get over her irrational anger and we could laugh this off and just get back to normal. I knew if I had her back in my life this incompleteness I was feeling would go away.

Tuesday morning, I forced myself up and into the shower. I drove separately from Alice, not wanting to get to school to early and run into Bella. I knew that I had to have a plan before I saw her, but I couldn't thinking of anything right then and frankly was winging it at that point.

Luckily, I didn't run into Bella at all that morning. Avoiding her, of course, was going to be impossible during English. Bella was already in her seat when I entered the class. My god, she was beautiful. I had to resist the urge to go dry hump here right there in her seat. I had to keep my dick in check, I told myself. He is what got us in this mess in the first place. He knew as well as I did that she was taunting both of us with the way her hair flowed down her back. And the way she was chewing on the end of her pen. Holy fuck... those lips.

She never looked up from her notes. This whole time, I had been worried about our first encounter after the fight, and now apparently, she was just going to pretend I didn't exist. I watched her through out the entire class. She never even glanced my way, but I knew she was aware of my presence, because every time I would make a move or shift in my seat, she would stiffen.

At lunch, Bella never showed up in the cafeteria. Everyone sat at our usual table and acted as if nothing had happened. Everyone except for me. I couldn't do my usual lunch routine of flirting with Bella, telling crude jokes so she would blush, playing footsie under the table with her, and stealing half of her lunch. And I didn't have much of an appetite, so just sat there staring out the window.

As the lunch bell rang, signaling the end of our break, I internally groaned. Biology was next. Biology where I sat next to Bella, shared a table, and passed notes on a daily basis. I wasn't sure how to act being so close to Bella. She obviously wanted space, so I knew I should I abide by her wishes and just pretend she was not there. Or maybe I should try to apologize to her again? I couldn't figure out which.

Lost in my thoughts as I walked to my class, I came face to face with a very black and blue James. He stood in front of me, waiting. For what, I'm not sure. He either expected me to apologize or beat the fuck out of him again. I was going to go with the first option.

"Dude, listen," I began. I wanted to let him know I was out of line for stepping in, but I also wanted to let him know that Bella was off-limits. "Sorry about the other night. I had way too much to drink and I just wasn't thinking clearly."

James stood a little taller. "Yeah, I figured it was something like that. I mean, we have been boys way too long to let pussy come between us."

I cringed at the way he referred to Bella. I had to fix this. There was no way she could end up with someone like him. "Yeah man, about that. Bella is not like the other girls here. She's kind of... different... special... so could you just leave her alone?"

He looked at me like I had lost my fucking mind. "You got a thing for her, Eddie?" he smirked.

I shook my head. "No, no thing... she is just different and I don't want to see her turn out like the rest of these sluts here."

James laughed and slapped me on the back of my shoulder, "Man, these sluts are what keeps us entertained. I do get what you are saying though, and if she means something to you, I will leave her alone. But dude, she is hot and you can't fight every guy that kisses her. So you either need to lay some claim, or back the fuck off."

I nodded, gave him a fist bump and we parted ways. The answer seemed so black and white... either lay claim… I'm guessing he meant ask her to be, like "my girlfriend" or some shit, or back the fuck off. There had to be another option. I just need to figure out what that was.

Talking with James had taken up the last few minutes I had to plan out my strategy for Biology so I once again decided to just wing it. See how she acted and just follow her lead.

She was, of course, already there at our table when I got there. I slipped into the seat next to her and not-so-accidentally bumped into her with my knee.

She once again did not even acknowledge my presence. We spent the entire period in silence, as if we were complete strangers.

How could she be like this? Less than a week ago, she was asking to see my dick, and now it was as if she didn't even know my name.

At a bit of a loss, I decided to play by her rules, for now. She obviously needed a little more time.

But by Friday, I couldn't take it anymore. This silent treatment was getting fucking old. I knew she was pissed, but she was just taking this too far. I had to sit there beside her everyday, fucking salivating over the creamy white of her skin and her honeysuckle scent. I had to be that close to her, not able to talk to her or touch her. But all this shit ended today.

I made sure I got to Biology a good ten minutes before the bell rang. Of course, I was the first one in the class, since everyone one else was out enjoying every last minute of their lunch hour.

I waited patiently for Bella and she didn't disappoint. A few minutes before the bell, she entered the classroom. Her steps faltered when she saw me already seated, but she quickly recovered. She proceeded to slide onto her chair and began taking things out of her bag.

"Bella, please talk to me." I pled, giving her my best smile.

She took a deep breath. "There is nothing to say."

I shook my head. "I don't agree. Bella, I miss you. I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, so please talk to me. Please let me fix it. You have to believe me, the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you."

She said nothing just continued to stare straight ahead.

"Bella, please. You have become one of my best friends. I feel lost without you."

"Edward, stop. I... I can't do this."

The bell rang and I looked around to see the room was filling up. Mr. Banner called the class to order before I could say anything else.

For the first time, I actually felt defeated. I was starting to realize how serious this was. She wasn't going to just get over it, and there was no way to charm my way out of this one.

After school, I met with my hook up and purchased some top-notch coke. Then I stopped by the store, whipped out my fake ID and bought a bottle of Jack. I knew this was not the best way to handle my problems, but I just didn't know what else to do.

I drove to the meadow where Bella and I had enjoyed an afternoon together, getting blitzed out of my fucking mind so I didn't have to feel anything. None of the pain. None of the longing. None of the sorrow.

The problem was, it only worked for a little while. When I came down, I felt even worse. If Bella could see me now, there was no way in hell she would give me another chance. The thought haunted me. I was a lost cause. She knew it and I knew it. The thing I had to figure out was how to change that.

It was after three in the morning when I finally made it home.

I spent most of Saturday sleeping off my binge. When I finally woke up, I knew I had to start fresh. Turn over a new leaf, starting that day.

I decided I would do what I should have done a long time ago. I went downstairs to find my father. And because I have the worst fucking luck ever, of course, he was not home. I called him at the hospital and he told me he would be working through the night. But he did tell me that, if I really needed to talk, I could come down there.

I told him it could wait, but as the night wore on and the feeling of impending doom settled in, I decided it couldn't wait. So I changed clothes, grabbed my cell and headed to the hospital.

The nurse at the desk shamelessly flirted with me and normally I would have flirted back, maybe even offered a janitor closet rendezvous, but I just didn't have the desire. My dick didn't even feel a twinge. Not a twinge. What the hell was happening to me?

She finally gave up and told me I could go wait in my father's office while she paged him.

I went into his office and sat in the chair across from his desk. I picked up a picture of him and my mom that was sitting on his desk. They looked so happy, so in love, even after all these years.

I heard the door open, and I set the picture back down.

My father walked over to see which picture I had been examining. A genuine smile crossed his face as he picked it up and carried it with him to his seat. "Your mother is an amazing woman, isn't she?"

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, she is. How do you do it, Dad? What's the secret?"

He gave me a questioning look. "I'm not sure what you are asking, Edward."

I ran my hand through my hair. How do I explain this? "I mean how do you manage to stay happy? Everyone else's parents are divorced. And the ones who aren't should be, because they hate each other."

"Well son, I am not going to sugar-coat it. Love, just like life, is hard. You have to constantly work at it. The important thing is to make sure the person you give your love to is the right person. Your mother is my best friend. If we didn't have such a close friendship, we couldn't have such a great love."

I didn't say anything and so my dad continued. "Another important factor is to accept the other person for who they are. Flaws and all. A relationship will never work if you are always trying to change the other person."

It didn't seem like such a great secret but it did make sense.

"Is that what you wanted to talk about? Are you in love, Edward?"

"What? No!" I said a little too loudly. "I was just asking a fucking question!"

He chuckled. "Easy, easy son. I was just trying to figure out what it is you are getting at."

"I don't know, Dad. I screwed up bad with Bella, and I don't know how to fix it. And you know, the strange thing is that I _want_ to fix it. I care that I hurt her. The problem is that I don't know why I care so much. All I know is that I do, and I am lost. I just don't know what to do."

My dad nodded in understanding. "Well, tell me what happened."

I told him everything from the beginning. He listened intently to everything I said, without interrupting, although he did sigh a little when I told him about skipping school. I felt like I had been talking forever, but it felt good to get it all off my chest.

I took a deep breath and waited for him to share his wisdom.

He cleared his throat. "So, let me get this straight. In your opinion, you and the preacher's daughter have become close friends. You took her to a party, convinced her to skip school, kissed her. Twice. Her first kiss and then a follow-up kiss, just for luck. Then you beat up your lifelong friend for kissing her. Then, when she tells you she has feelings for you, you tell her you only see her as a friend. And now that she says she does not want to be friends, you are not okay with that."

That about summed it up. "Yeah, pretty much."

Dad seemed to contemplate this for a bit.

"So…she doesn't want to be only friends if you are going to keep kissing and all. And you don't want to be more than friends… just perhaps with benefits?" he clarified.

"Dad, be serious. I can't have a girlfriend. I am not a one-woman type. I like variety."

"Again, perhaps. But let me ask you a question, but please, don't be too specific in your answer."

"Okay," I motioned for him to continue.

"Since you have been....involved with Bella, have you had any other... as you put it, variety?"

I thought back over the last few weeks. "No..." I stretched out the word to cover the fact that it now sounded pretty pathetic.

"And do you feel like you have missed out on anything?"

Again, I thought hard. "No. Honestly, now that I think about it, I know that I haven't missed out anything. But where are you going with this?"

He held up his hand. "One more question, then I will get to my point. If you don't have any romantic feelings for her, then why did you care so much when you saw James kissing her?"

"I don't really know," I grumbled. "I guess if I were being honest it because I felt betrayed, like she shouldn't be kissing anybody but me."

"First, friends don't usually kiss on a regular basis, so you have to see how she could feel like you were using her. She thought you were kissing her because you had feelings for her. And if you don't want to make that commitment to her, then she does have the right to kiss anyone she wants to."

"Dad, I get it. I fucked up. Just tell me how to fix it."

"There is no easy answer here, son. You have to figure out what it is that you really want. You can't have your cake and eat it too."

I scowled. "So, basically, you have no answer for me?"

"Sorry, Edward," he laughed. "But you are going to have to figure this one out for yourself. It's all part of growing up. You either need to be ready to walk away, and wait until she is ready to be just friends, or make a commitment. If you choose the friend route, you will need to stay just that, friends… nothing physical. If you go the commitment route, you will need to be ready to give yourself fully over to her, no other 'variety'."

His cell phone went off just then and he told me that he was needed in the emergency room. I didn't have a lot to say to him so I left his office, thinking the conversation had been one big fucking waste of time.

After I left the hospital, I got into my car and checked my cell. I had several text telling me there was a party going on tonight. I was in no mood to party, but I thought there might be a chance Bella would be there, so I decided to stop by.

The house was overcrowded and smoky. I think every teenager in Forks was there, except Bella. It didn't take long for Jessica to come rubbing all up on me. She was slurring her words and brushing her tits up against me, trying to look sexy. It would have been a easy lay, a means to a end. But I wasn't interested. I got out of there as fast as I could.

My mom was quite shocked when I walked through the door. I was home early on a Saturday night. And she was even more shocked when I accepted her offer of popcorn and a movie. My whole world was turned upside down anymore, and it was all because of Bella.

I woke up early Sunday morning, for some strange reason looking forward to church.. I was not delusional enough to think Bella would talk to me, but I was happy just to see her anyway.

Bella didn't acknowledge me. No surprise there. She didn't even sit on our pew in the back. She sat in the front, right in front of her father. Alice joined her on the front pew and I admired her for that.

I found myself staring at the back of Bella's head throughout the service, but I did somehow manage to actually listen to some of Pastor Swan's sermon as well. Although I thought he was a prick, I still left the service thinking about what he had said.

His sermon had been on Genesis 19. How God had destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah because they were so wicked. How God had allowed Lot, his wife, his daughters, and his future sons-in-law the opportunity to leave the city before it was blasted to hell. Lot's future sons-in-law didn't believe Lot, so they didn't leave. But Lot, his wife and his daughters all fled the city. They had been instructed to not look back, only Lot's wife didn't obey, and she was turned to a pillar of salt. That seemed harsh to me, but I guess when God speaks, you should listen.

But it was Pastor Swan's closing words that had me. "Luke 17:32. Jesus simply says, 'Remember Lot's wife', using her as a warning to professing Christians to not turn back to their sin after leaving it."

Now, what I got from that was I should change my ways and don't look back. Granted, I am sure he was referring to being a good Christian, but it still could be applied to my situation with Bella. I wanted Bella to trust me, so I needed to change and not look back. That was the only was I was going to be able to fix things.

Which is why I started off my Monday with a new philosophy, hoping Bella would notice. I refused any and all advances from all the girls. I didn't even let them touch me. This took a decent amount of work, right there. And I made sure to pull Bella's chair out for her every time she came to class. I even picked up all her books for her when she dropped them. I was trying to show her I could be a gentleman. Then, when Ben asked me why I left the party so early on Saturday night, I made sure to say loud enough for Bella to hear that I was just not into that scene anymore.

On Wednesday, Bella still had not spoken to me, but I did notice her and Jacob talking a lot, even passing notes in English. I didn't see him at lunch that day, or Bella either.

Jacob. Jacob absent with Bella. This wasn't good. I knew I had to do something drastic. I felt like I couldn't even breath without her. She was my lifeline. She is what brought a smile to my face and made me feel all tingly inside and all that gay shit.

I decided I needed another talk, but this time I opted to try a woman's perspective. I went to my mom.

I found her in the kitchen starting dinner. "Hey, Mom. Can I talk to you ….about a girl?"

I didn't miss the gleam in her eye. She was obviously thrilled that I was asking her for advice. "Sure sweetie, what is it?"

"Well, I kind of like this girl."

She nodded, and said "Bella" like it was common knowledge.

"How did you know that?"

She laughed softly. "I am a mother; I know these things. Now, what is the problem?"

I tried to think of how to explain this. "Well, I like her. Only I didn't realize it until it was too late. She had told me she had feelings for me, and......shit, Mom… it scared me. I have never done the girlfriend thing and she is so perfect, and pure, and innocent. And I am... just not any of that." Fuck, I hope she didn't ask for more explanation on my part.

I started talking again before she could ask for more details. "I was scared I would screw it all up, so I told her I only wanted to be friends. And now, things are so different. I miss her. I think about her all the time. I have to sit next to her every day and smell her all during Biology and she just ignores me."

My mom wiggled a eyebrow. "You smell her?"

I let out a sigh. "She smells so fucking good, Mom."

She gave me a strange look but didn't comment on it. "Have you tried talking to her? Without all the bad language?"

"Yeah, she won't listen to me."

"You know, sweetheart, every girl is different. You need to do something to get her attention. Something to let her know you think she is special. Something that let's her know that you know and care about the real her. Put some thought into it. Do something she can relate to, so she knows you mean it and it came from your heart."

"And one more thing, Edward, make sure you do mean it. Bella has a lot to deal with in her life and if you are not serious about her, it will only hurt her in the end. You know as well as I do that the girl does not need anymore pain in her life. You need to be ready to make some serious changes in your life. The last thing you want to do is drag Bella down a road to self destruction."

She walked over and kissed my cheek. "If she cares about you like she said she does, then it will all work out."

I went to my room and thought long and hard about what my mom had said. Was I willing to give up my bad-boy ways to be with Bella? The partying, all the girls, the casual sex, being the king on the throne ruling over some kind of jack-ass-dom?

It wouldn't be easy, but I was willing to try as long as she would give me a chance.

I knew I would need some help, so I decided I would recruit my friends tomorrow.

I spent most of my night searching i-Tunes for the perfect song. The next day at school, I felt better. I felt hope.

I gathered Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper and filled them in on my plan. It was a lot to work out and I would need their help.

Jasper was the first to speak. "I swear to God if this is just some game to get into her pants, I will personally rip your dick off myself."

"I swear it's not. I really do care about her. I need her." I defended myself.

Emmett was the next to speak between laughs. "Dude, you are so pussy-whipped. If it takes all this just to ask a girl to be your girlfriend, imagine what it will be like when you propose."

I just rolled my eyes at him. Alice and Rose thought it was a great plan and they all agreed to help.

My excitement grew and I sent up a prayer that this would all work out. And I hoped like hell the man upstairs was listening.

**So I am getting hundreds of hits per chapter but not many reviews. What's a girl gotta do to get a review? You want a bribe? K review and you get a teaser :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**I do not own Twilight......but I do now own Little Ashes. YAY!**

**A/N**

**First and foremost I need to thank ManiacMotherland for all of her help. Not only did she beta for me, but she spent days helping me plan out this chapter. She didn't even complain when I decided to change things day's after I sent her the original draft. She inspires me on a daily basis and teaches me things I never had a clue about. So I bow to you ManiacMotherland and chant *I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy* :)...Seriously, she rocks so check out her stories and let her know how great she is!**

***The music for this chapter is Hanging by a moment by Lifehouse, and Halo by Beyonce. I am trying to add a play list to my profile but at the moment it isn't working.**

***Don't forget to check out the video's AriCullen1134 made for me, links on my profile. I really want to do something special for her for doing that for me, so give me some suggestions.**

***Rec's at the bottom.**

********Also I am now on Facebook. Look me up under ****RandomGirl Fanfic****. ****************

Chapter 18

**BPOV**

James had kissed me and then things got really weird, really fast.

I stood there in horror, replaying the last few minutes over in my head. However brief it was, that still totally counted as a kiss. Then Edward had interrupted us, and then I had puked all over James. Yep, I would say the night was sucking pretty hard for me right then.

I watched Edward for a few minutes, trying to gauge his reaction to what he had just walked in on. There were too many emotions crossing his face too quickly. I couldn't tell what he was feeling. He just stood there opening and closing his mouth but no words came out.

Time seemed to drag on and I wished someone would just say something. I knew that someone would not be me, because I had no idea what to say in this awkward situation.

Jasper came through the back door and I could hear sounds, so I knew he was talking, but I just couldn't seem to get my brain to focus on what it was that he was saying.

The tension seemed to mount, and I focused all my attention on Jasper, trying make out exactly what he was saying.

Unfortunately, the moment I decided to focus on him, he asked me the one thing I did not want to answer. He asked me if I had smoked pot.

I was quick to deny his accusations. I mean, technically, I hadn't smoked the pot. I had just inhaled what James had offered to me. But I could tell by the look on everyone's face that they didn't believe me for one minute when I went all denial on them.

I saw some movement out of the corner of my eye. James was very carefully trying to remove the shoes that I had just puked on. Poor guy, he was going to have to spend the rest of the night walking around barefooted.

I know I had to be beet-red with blush at that point. I had never been so embarrassed in my life. I'd actually puked on the boy's shoes. Just after he'd kissed me. I hadn't even had the chance to decide if I liked the kiss or not, but now I assumed it was safe to say I wouldn't get the chance to kiss him again.

I was brought out of my musings by Edward yelling at James to leave.

I was confused by the rage Edward was showing. I just couldn't get a read on his emotion. Was he mad? Hurt? Jealous? I couldn't quite figure it out. My mind was just too clouded from all the alcohol, pot and tension. I stood there like a deer in the headlights.

James response made me cringe. Did he actually just refer to me as free pussy? Why was that all I seemed to be to the boys? A walking vagina, that is all they saw me as.

The next set of events sent me into shock. Edward attacked James with such force I knew there would be damage, possibly broken bones. This seemed to drag on and I felt sorry for James but my heart skipped a beat every time I saw Edward take a hit.

He was taking a hit for me. He was getting hurt for me. But why? Why would he put himself though that for someone he didn't care about?

Edward was pulled off James and I was grateful he didn't seem to sustain any major damage. A bloody lip and a scratch on his arm was all I could see from where I was standing.

James seemed to be in a lot worse shape than Edward, but that didn't keep him from running off at the mouth again. He actually said I had planned to fuck him if Edward had not interrupted. That had not been my intention at all. I was just glad that someone wanted to kiss me was all.

A few more vulgar comments and Jasper was soon the one attacking James. This fight thankfully didn't take as long, since Jasper was pulled away by Emmett.

My head was hurting, my ears were ringing and everything seemed to be spinning around me. I was tempted to just close my eyes and let the darkness overtake me.

James finally sauntered off and Emmett managed to get the crowd to dissipate. I was left alone standing in the dark, bawling like a baby.

I wasn't sure if it was the embarrassment or the shame I was feeling more of. I couldn't believe the things that James had said about me. He'd made it sound like I had actually planned to have sex with him, and he'd said this in front of Edward and half of the school. Now not only would the people here think I was loose, but they would also know that no one wanted me unless sex was involved.

I was willing to accept the fact that I was not good enough for Edward, but was I really not good enough for someone like James?

I was sure I could never show my face again. I would surely be seen as the town harlot. I might as well stitch a scarlet A to my blouse. My father would be so disappointed.

Jasper immediately came and wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace. He felt warm and comforting. He felt like home, a place I wished I was right then. What I wouldn't give to go back in time. I would follow my father's law word for word if I could just take it all back.

I couldn't help the tears that were flowing down my face as Jasper held me. I was embarrassed and hurt.

Jasper just held me rubbing my back softly. "Shhh now, baby girl, it's alright. Shhhh," he whispered.

When I finally managed to get my sobbing under control, Jasper pulled away, holding me at arms length. "Are you alright? Did he do anything to you Bella? I swear to God, if he laid a hand on you.."

"No, no. I am fine really," I managed to squeak out between sniffles.

Jasper took a deep breath. "Bella, do not bullshit me right now. Tell me what the hell is going on."

"It was nothing really. James and I were just out here talking, one thing led to another and we kissed. I swear that is all that happened. It didn't even last very long. Then Edward came out here and saw what we were doing and I guess he got the wrong impression. And that is when you showed up."

"And the pot?"

I let out a sigh. "Jasper, please can we do this later? I am okay but my mind is all over the place. I really need time to process everything. I promise I will talk to you. Just give me some time."

Jasper pulled me back into his arms for a hug. "I will let it go, for now. But we will talk about this, you bet your ass. Bella, I am always here for you. Please don't ever forget that." Jasper stepped back and wiped the tears from my face that were slowly rolling down again. "And for all that is holy, please do not do drugs, especially with people you barely know. What if something had happened to you? What would I do without you Bella?"

"I know, I know. It was stupid. I don't know what I was thinking. For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I promise I will talk with you more about it later, okay?"

Reluctantly, Jasper gave me one last hug, told me he would be inside if I needed him, and he walked away.

I looked up to see Edward watching me intently. My first instinct was to run to him and hug him. Thank him for standing up for me. I wanted to tell him how crazy he was for putting himself in that position and getting hurt. I wanted to run my fingers though his hair and kiss his scrapes.

But as he moved towards me, however, I could see the pity in his eyes. He felt sorry for me. He didn't want me, and now he knew James didn't want me for anything other than sex. It made me so mad I wanted to spit.

It was too much. I couldn't take him, of all people, feeling sorry for me. So I immediately lashed out at him. My words were harsh and I could tell I caught him off-guard.

He was trying to explain his side of things, how he was trying to defend me, but I didn't want to listen. I knew I was being irrational. I knew he was only trying to help, but none of that seemed to matter right now. I just wanted him to understand what he had done to me. He had made me fall for him. I wanted him. I wanted to be his girlfriend and hold his hand. I wanted him to carry my books to class and ask me to school dances. And he didn't seem to want the same things back. The thought of his rejection made me just a little bit crazy from the pain, and I just kept talking when I really should have shut the hell up.

_Shut up, Bella. Shut up, Bella_. My mind screamed at me, but the words "You made me fall for you" left my mouth before I was aware of what I was saying.

Edward didn't really respond to that statement. Instead, he played it safe by saying he cared about me but he was not good enough for me.

I once again let my mouth run off before I had processed the words and I told him I didn't want to even be friends with him.

I made my way inside and went straight for the stairs. I needed to be alone somewhere quiet so I could try to process all these feelings I was having.

Just my luck, I ran into Jessica's shoulder as I was trying to push my way through the crowd. She turned and gave me a evil sneer. I didn't even give her time to come up with a hateful remark. I headed up the stairs to Alice's room, hoping to have some alone time. I was sure Jessica had better things to do than follow me up the stairs. She was probably heading outside to offer Edward some sexual favor to make him feel better. The slut.

I wasn't alone in Alice's room long before Jasper and Alice both joined me. Alice climbed up on the bed with me and let me put my head in her lap. Neither of them talked. They just let me lie there and cry out all my pain from the last few hours.

Sunday morning came before I was ready for it. I woke to find myself alone in Alice's bed. I felt worse than I had ever felt in my life and I promised myself I would never have a repeat of last night. I did my normal morning routine before heading down the stairs.

Jasper and Alice were sitting in the kitchen, talking with Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. They all seemed so happy. I hated to interrupt them, but I needed desperately to get to my own house, my own bed, where I could wallow in my own self-pity.

I cleared my throat as I entered the kitchen. "Morning, everyone," I said with more enthusiasm than I actually felt.

Esme smiled warmly at me. "Good morning, sweetheart. Would you like some breakfast?"

I knew there was no way I could hold down any food at the moment and I didn't even want to try. "No, thank you. I am actually not feeling very well. Jasper, I was hoping you could take me home."

Jasper nodded. "Of course, just give me a few minutes to grab my things."

It didn't take Jasper long to get his things together. He then said a quick goodbye to Alice and we headed home. The ride home was spent in silence. I just wasn't ready to talk yet and Jasper seemed to sense that.

He did let me know when we made it home that he was there for me if I needed him. I just nodded my head, and walked up the stairs, barricading myself in my room for the day. I hoped he understood it had nothing to do with him I just had to figure this out for myself. Figure out how to cope with the loss of yet another important person in my life.

It was times like these that I missed my mother the most. I needed her now so much. I almost resented God for taking her away from me so soon. Did he understand how much a girl needs a mother in her life?

I spent most of the day sleeping. When I wasn't sleeping, I was crying. Finally, around five, I knew I needed to pull myself together. Charlie would be home soon and I couldn't let him see me like this. He would know we had been up to something and I just couldn't risk getting into trouble on top of everything else.

I allowed myself to have one final hard cry while I was in the shower. Then that was it. I would not fall apart over a boy, I promised myself. No matter how wonderful that boy may be. He didn't want me and there was nothing I could do about that.

Monday morning was hard. I got up early just like usual. I went to devotion with Charlie and Jasper. I got to school early and let Alice play dress-up with me. I went to my classes, took notes and appeared to have it all together. But, on the inside, I was barely hanging on. I was just going through the motions, trying to make people believe I was okay.

I was surprised I didn't hear anything about Saturday night's events. No one looked at me funny or said anything rude to me. Maybe it was not that big of a deal to everyone after all. James, however, avoided me like I had the plague. No big surprise there.

Edward was not at school. I wasn't sure if that made things easier or harder. It was easier because I didn't have to see him, but harder because I missed him and part of me was itching to see him. I wondered why he had missed school but I didn't want to ask anybody.

When the lunch bell rang, I knew I didn't want to be around everyone. I was not in a sociable mood and I just didn't think I could fake it, so I decided to skip my normal lunch routine, and instead I found myself in the library, skimming the books on the shelf until I found one I thought might hold my interest. I found a secluded spot in the back and sat on the floor propped up against the shelf and spent my lunch hour lost in someone else's life.

After school, I headed straight to Jasper's car and waited patiently for him.. It wasn't long before he and Alice joined me. She leaned against the car beside me and gave me a sad smile. I tried to play everything off, and I asked her if she was coming over today. She declined, saying she had some things to take care of at home.

I asked Jasper for his keys and quickly unlocked the door and climbed in, giving him and Alice a few moments of privacy to say goodbye. The rest of the afternoon was the same as every other afternoon. I did my homework, cooked dinner, did the dishes and went to bed.

Tuesday morning, I found myself feeling even more anxious than the day before. I wondered if Edward would be at school. Had he missed because of me or was something wrong? I had a hard time concentrating during devotion and Charlie was not to thrilled about it. He informed me we would be having a make-up devotion that night since I seemed to have other things on my mind at the time.

I didn't even have to look at Jasper. I could feel his evil glare from across the table.

I got ready for school and arrived early yet again. I noticed that Alice had driven herself, and Edward was yet again nowhere to be found. I somehow managed to bite my tongue and not ask her where he was and if he was alright, although I was desperate to know what was going on with him.

I didn't have to wonder long, though, because as soon as I stepped out into the hall, I saw him. He was standing with a group of guys. They all seemed to be joking around. Studying them for a bit, I saw that Edward wasn't laughing or talking with them. He seemed to just be there, taking up space. I knew instinctively how that felt and wanted to go over and comfort him, but I knew I couldn't. Not yet.

I also knew I needed to prepare myself mentally for the day ahead of me, so I went straight to English class. I was the first one there, so I sat in my seat and pulled out my notes. I looked down at them so it would seem that I was reading, but really, I had my eyes closed and I was reminding myself to breath.

I kept replaying the words "he doesn't want you" in my head. I finally rationalized it was easier this way. There was no way I could be friends with him and not have these feelings. In the end, if I let it continue, then I would get hurt way worse than I was now. If that was even possible. I have heard that time heals all wounds, so if I can just make a clean break with him now, I told myself, then I can move on and soon enough, he will be just a distant memory. That's was the theory anyway.

But that theory only worked until he entered the classroom. I didn't have to look up. I could feel his presence, like a month drawn to a flame. I knew the end result would be fatal but I wanted nothing more than to go to him. I resisted the urge with everything I had. I didn't even chance glancing in his direction.

I knew there was no way I could be so close to him during lunch, so I decided to repeat what I did yesterday and I spent my lunch hour alone in the library.

It didn't quite dawn on me until I walked into Biology that I would have to be so close to him for a entire period. I sat at my stool and tried to prepare myself for what was to come.

It was complete torture. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch him. But I knew I couldn't. I kept my head down the entire period and prayed the time would somehow pass faster.

Alice declined coming over again that afternoon, and I couldn't help but feel like it was all my fault that her and Jasper weren't getting to spend as much time together. Devotion that night was brutal, and I knew I better get my act together or Charlie would soon figure me out what was wrong.

Wednesday and Thursday passed much the same way until lunch on Thursday. I had started packing myself a small lunch and sneaking it into the library with me so I would have something to munch on while I read. As I was making my way to the library Thursday afternoon, however, I heard someone calling my name. I turned to see Jacob Black jogging to catch up with me.

"Jacob, I am really not in the mood." I turned back around and continued heading to the library.

Jacob, apparently not knowing when to leave well enough alone, continued walking beside me.

"Listen Bella, just because you are having some lover's quarrel with Cullen does not mean you have to cut the rest of us out too."

I stopped dead in my tracks. "You just listen to me, Jacob Black. I am not having any type of quarrel with Edward. And I don't believe I am cutting you out of anything. We were never friends to begin with, so there is nothing to cut you out of."

He put his hand over his chest, faking a wound. "That hurts Bella."

I could see the smile he was trying to hide, so I just rolled my eyes at him. "I just really want to be alone. I need to be alone."

"I disagree. Everyone needs someone, and maybe we got off on the wrong foot. But I am a good guy, Bella, and I would really like to be your friend."

I thought about it for a minute. "Fine, but I'm not going to kiss you and there is no way I will ever have sex with you. Still want to be friends?" I figured it was best to lay it all out on the line, from the start.

Jacob got a big goofy grin on his face. "Is your mind always in the gutter? I said I wanted to be friends, and here you are, already talking about sex."

I slapped him playfully on his shoulder. "It seems to all be one and the same to everyone else here."

He started walking with me towards the library. When we were almost there, he finally said, "Well, I'm not everyone else."

I wanted to believe him, and the truth was I could use a friend that wasn't Alice or Jasper. They had been great, but I needed someone that wasn't so close to the situation.

Jake and I spent the entire lunch period talking about nothing important. He made me laugh at his stupid jokes and not once did the conversation get too serious. He ended up eating half of my lunch, and he asked me if I would bring him something for tomorrow. It was nice to just forget about everything, even if it was only for one short period.

That afternoon, I managed to talk Alice into coming over for a while. Jasper was thrilled when she finally agreed, and even Charlie seemed happy to have her visit.

Friday things seemed a little easier. I seemed to be adjusting to my new routine of no-Edward. I still missed him like crazy, but the pain seemed to ease a little with every passing day. I still prayed for him every night. Even though I knew he couldn't be a part of my life, I still wanted him happy and healthy.

Jacob met me for lunch like he had the day before, but this time, I was prepared and I handed him his own brown bag. We went to my usual spot at the back of the library and began eating.

"So you, ah... really like Cullen, huh?" he asked between bites.

I paused with my sandwich halfway to my lips. I wasn't sure how to respond, but I decided honesty was the best policy. "Yeah, well… I did...I mean I do... but I'm trying not to."

He raised a eyebrow. "Either you do or you don't . You want my advice?"

"Not really, but I'm willing to bet you are going to give it to me anyway."

"You know me so well," he smirked. "The way I see it, you two are crazy about each other. But you, my dear grasshopper, are rushing our scared little Edward. You know he has never had a girlfriend as long as I have known him?"

"No, I didn't know that."

Jacob seemed quite pleased with himself for knowing something I didn't and continued. "Nope not one. Don't get me wrong, he has had plenty of 'acquaintances'. Hell, we have even had some 'acquaintances' together at the same time. This one time, we were at a party and somehow we ended up in the basement with three girls, and we were all so drunk that we....."

He trailed off, seeming to think about what he was about to say, and then when he suddenly realized it wasn't good, he quickly cleared his throat. "But that's not really important here. What I am trying to say is he has never felt for anybody the way he feels about you and he just doesn't know what to do with it yet. And instead of giving him time to figure it out on his own, you rush him into a ultimatum."

I stopped him before he wasted anymore of his breath. "Jake, you are wrong. He told me himself that he only thought of me as a friend. Nothing more. And I just can't be friends with him. My feelings are too strong. It hurts to be around him and know that he does not and will not ever feel the same way about me that I feel about him."

Jake shook his head. "That is where you are wrong. He does have feelings for you, Bella. He just doesn't know what to do with them. He's a guy! We guys don't know what to do with feelings, which is why we ignore them most of the time. This is all new to him. I mean, have you seen him? He looks like complete shit. It's obvious that he is hurting just as much as you are."

I thought about it all for a minute. "Not that I am buying any of this. But if you are right, then what should I do about it now?"

Jake got that big goofy grin again. "This is where it gets fun. First of all, Edward is used to getting everything that he wants, so the fact that you are not giving in to him and sticking to the just-friends thing is probably killing him. And since you have already started playing hardball, you need to stick to it. He will try to charm you, maybe even try to compromise with you. But you need to hold your ground. He will come around and you will know when he is really ready to be serious. Bella, the boy is head over heels for you. Everyone else can see it. He just needs to realize it. And he will, if you hold out some more."

"I will try Jake, but I really think you are wrong about this."

"Bet you another sandwich I'm not wrong here, Bella. And that was really really good sandwich," he said as he stood up and patted his stomach and then reached down to help me scramble to my feet.

He left a couple minutes later, and I decided to go ahead and head to class. I liked to beat the crowd there, that way I had no chance of bumping into Edward. Imagine my surprise when I got to class and found Edward already there..

I tried to go about my normal routine and pretend he wasn't there but then he asked me to talk to him.

Jacob's words rang in my ears._ Play hardball. _So I told him there was nothing to say.

He tried again telling me how much he missed me. He sounded so broken and it hurt to see him that way. But he wasn't ready, and I knew it. So I asked him to stop.

I spent my weekend in the house cleaning and doing odds and ends I had neglected throughout the week. Alice came over for a while on Saturday and Jake even stopped by to "hang out with Jasper". We ended up playing baseball in the backyard, and it was nice to just have fun for a while without all the drama. But I couldn't stop myself from wishing Edward was here with us. It would have made it so much more fun, to have everyone I cared about all there together.

Sunday, I decided to sit to the front row, instead of the back with everyone else, in part to keep my dad from getting any more suspicious of me and my strange behavior. Alice came and sat with me, which showed me what a great friend she truly was. I wasn't going through this alone. I had a great support system. I reached over and squeezed her hand and she responded back with another squeeze.

That afternoon, Jasper made me sit down and tell him exactly what was going on. I told him just about everything, leaving out a few of the more intimate details. I didn't think he wanted nor needed to hear about all of my love life. He was very supportive and told me he loved me and was always there for me. Then we spent a large part of the day talking about him and Alice. They truly were a match made in heaven. Soul mates for sure.

My week started off much better than the last. I still wasn't talking to Edward and I missed him more than I ever thought possible. But I was seeing some positive changes in him. I lost count of how many times I saw Jessica throwing herself at him and he would just politely push her away or walk away from her. That poor girl. At least I had some dignity. It might be killing me, but I wasn't throwing myself at Edward every chance I got.

Jacob was becoming one of my favorite people. He always seemed to have something silly to say to cheer me up. I felt like I could be myself around him. I didn't have to put up any fronts. I knew I would never have any romantic feelings for him, but I could see us being great friends. I found myself looking forward to our lunches together.

It was finally Friday again. I can't say I was glad to have the weekend off. I didn't have any plans. I was sure Jasper would be spending time with Alice and I would be alone cooped up in the house with my father all weekend. The weekend was going to be the pits.

Jasper and I arrived at school and he scurried over to Alice. I didn't follow because Edward was there and things were still so awkward between us. I started heading inside the school. Jake caught up to me before I had made it very far.

"I wonder what they are up to?" he said, pointing his head toward Edward and the group.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I have no idea. My guess would be something illegal." We both snickered and continued walking.

Jake walked me to my locker and continued talking about nothing of any importance. That was one thing I enjoyed about Jake. He never ran out of things to say.

My day passed slowly. Most of the kids were talking about where the party was this weekend. No one bothered to invite me, and I guess that was just as well. It's not like I would have been able to go. Still, it would have been nice to have been asked.

Lunch finally came and I met Jake at my locker as usual. I stuffed my books in and grabbed two brown paper bags out. I handed Jake his and he smiled ten miles wide. We headed to our normal lunch destination. We had just gotten settled in our spot on the floor and pulled our lunch out of the bag when a loud, screeching noise came over the intercom. Jake winced and I immediately covered my ears. It reminded me of nails scraping down a chalkboard and the sound made my skin crawl.

"Fuck," Jake said taking a bite of his sandwich "You would think that after all these years Mrs. Cope would have figured out how to work the damn thing."

I giggled a little and started unwrapping my sandwich. Just as I was about to take a bite, however, a loud alarm sounded. I looked towards Jake in panic.

He started grabbing all the food and throwing it back into the bags "Shit, Bella, come on. That's the fire alarm."

We had gone through a fire drill before, and I have to say, it was pretty calm. The principal came over the P.A. told us we were having a practice fire drill, so we were to remain calm, and to follow our teacher outside to our assigned destinations.

This was nothing like the practice fire drill, though. When Jake and I made it out into the hall, people were running everywhere. There was pushing and shoving. I might have been trampled if Jake hadn't wrapped his arm around me and pushed us through the crowd to get me safely outside.

Outside, it was utter chaos. The teachers were trying to gain control, but no one seemed to be following the proper protocol.

It seemed most of the student body was already out in the parking lot. A few were still scurrying out of the cafeteria. I imagine that is where most of the people had been anyway.

I searched the building, looking for any signs of smoke, but I didn't see any. That made me feel a little better until I realized the fire could be anywhere and just not showing visible signs yet.

I searched around the crowd, trying to find Jasper, but I couldn't spot him anywhere. I started getting frantic. I looked for Alice or Edward, thinking he should be with one of them. But just like Jasper, they were nowhere to be found. My heart was pounding furiously. Where were they? Why hadn't they run out of the cafeteria with the rest of the students? What if something happened to them.

Jake caught up to me and grabbed a hold of my shoulders to stop me from running. "Bella, what the hell are you doing?"

"Jake, where are they? Jasper and Alice even Edward and Emmett are missing. I have to find them. Oh God, they have to be okay! I didn't tell Jasper I loved him this morning. And I was snippy with Alice when she tried to get me to wear heels this morning. And oh god… Edward! I never got the chance to tell him that I forgive him and that I really am in love with him," I sobbed into Jake's chest.

Jake looked shocked for a moment then all his features relaxed. He gave me a warm smile, pulled a white envelope out of his pocket, handed it to me and then turned to walk away.

I stood frozen to my spot on the ground. Tears still streaming down my face. What in the dickens was going on? Why wasn't he more concerned for everyone's safety, like I was?

Nothing was making sense. I looked down at the envelope in my hands. I couldn't decide whether to open it or keep searching for my loved ones. I flipped the envelope over and saw my name, Bella, written in the most beautiful script ever. Only one person could write like that and I would know his handwriting anywhere.

I carefully tore the envelope open and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

_**My Dearest Bella,**_

_**I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I am asking for it anyway. My days are not worth living without you in them. You are the first thought I have in the morning and the last thought I have before I drift off to sleep. I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I would do anything to take all of your pain away. The truth is, I have been in love with you for a long time. I was just afraid. Afraid of screwing up and losing you forever. It seems in all my effort to stop that from happening that I've managed to drive you away anyway. That sucks because you are everything to me. I live to hear your laugh and see your beautiful smile. I know I am not worthy of your affection, but I am asking for you to give me a second chance. Let me prove to you how much you mean to me. Let me worship you and treat you like the angel you are.**_

_**So, if you have it in your heart to forgive me, and are willing to give me a chance to prove myself to you, then meet me behind the school.**_

_**Love, Edward**_

_**PS. And just in case you needed a little advice for the man upstairs.**_

"_**Colossians 3:13 – Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."**_

I had tears in my eyes. He said he loved me. I had it, in writing, that Edward Cullen loved me. I didn't even have to think about my response. I did a quick scan to make sure no one was watching me and then took off like a lightning bolt to the back of the school. I was out of breath by the time I rounded the last corner.

When I finally spotted him, he was sitting on a picnic table. He had his head in his hands, facing down on his knees. He looked so distraught, so broken. He was obviously nervous, wondering if I would show. Silly boy, didn't he know he had my heart?

As I continued approaching, he snapped his head up in my direction. All that time spent apart, I'd almost forgotten that he had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. He immediately climbed on the table and reached down to press something that was sitting beside him.. Music started playing, then he started singing. The sound of his voice made me stop dead in my tracks. _  
_

_Desperate for changing,  
Starving for truth, _

_I'm closer to where I started,  
Chasing after you… _

_I'm falling even more in love with you,  
Letting go of all I've held onto, _

_I'm standing here until you make me move.  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you. _

_Forgetting all I'm lacking,  
Completely incomplete,  
I'll take your invitation.  
You take all of me, now... _

He was singing to me. For me. The words he sang said more to me than I ever thought possible. I forced my legs to move as I continued making my way to him.

_I'm falling even more in love with you,  
Letting go of all I've held onto ,_

_I'm standing here until you make me move ,  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you ._

_I'm living for the only thing I know,  
I'm running and not quite sure where to go, _

_And I don't know what I'm diving into ,_  
_Just hanging by a moment here with you_ .

I was just a few feet away from him now. He jumped off the table and closed the distance between us. He engulfed me in a tight embrace and whispered the next verse to me.

_There's nothing else to lose,  
There's nothing else to find,  
There's nothing in the world,  
That can change my mind ._

I couldn't take it any more. I grabbed a hold of his face and pressed my lips to his. I hoped to express everything to him I just couldn't say in that moment. He seemed to get the point as he snaked his arms around my waist and gently prodded my mouth open so his tongue could slide in.

I hadn't realized just how much I had missed his touch and kisses until this moment. Our kiss wasn't urgent or rough. It was gentle and sweet, with the promise of more to come. We continued our make-out session as the song finished playing.

_There is nothing else.  
There is nothing else.  
There is nothing else._

_Desperate for changing ,  
Starving for truth ,  
I'm closer to where I started ,  
Chasing after you.... _

_I'm falling even more in love with you ,  
Letting go of all I've held onto ,_

_I'm standing here until you make me move ,  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you .  
I'm living for the only thing I know_ .

As the song was ending, and I knew I couldn't possibly go another second without breathing, so I pulled away from his lips and placed my forehead against his. Both of us took a moment to get our breathing under control.

Edward was the first to speak. "Bella?"

I took a deep breath to steady myself. "Yes?"

"I am so sorry."

"I know."

He gave me that crooked smile. "Do you forgive me?"

I cupped his face in my hand, and ran my thumb over his jaw. "Yes."

He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. "And, Bella?"

"What is it?"

He opened his eyes and looked directly into mine. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

I rolled my eyes and tried to stifle my giggle at the absurdity of it all. I pulled back from him and tapped my chin with my index finger, like I was really trying to think about my answer. Like I might just tell him no.

"Gosh, I don't know Edward. I am not really a one-man type. I don't really do the relationship thing."

He looked shocked for a moment. That is, until I broke out in a fit of laughter.

"Yes, I would love to be your girlfriend," I told him.

He pulled me back to him and placed a small kiss on my lips. "You are so going to pay for that, Swan."

I couldn't help the gigantic smile that graced my lips. Just as I was about to speak, however, his phone rang. He held up a finger to me while he answered it.

"Hello," he answered, never taking his eyes off of me.

He was quiet for a moment, then his smile got so big it matched mine.

"Yeah, we are good," he nodded. "And… oh shit, whatever… thanks, man."

He hung up the phone, went and grabbed his music device and stuffed it in his backpack, then came back to clutch my hand, dragging me toward the woods.

"Whoa, Edward. Where are we going?" I was trying to keep up with him, but I felt like a dog being pulled on a leash. "And what was all that about? The phone call?"

"We gotta get out of here, Bella. The fire department is on its way. And you may or may not be the reason the fire alarm was pulled."

At that moment, I heard the loud sirens and saw flashing lights in the distance. "Holy crow!" was all I could say and Edward laughed to hear me attempt to swear.

We continued running through the woods until Edward thought we were a safe distance away. I found a sturdy-looking tree to lean up against. It took me a few moments to get my breathing under control. Obviously, I was not in great shape, and I needed to think about starting a workout routine if I was going to keep up with my boy. Damn it but he could run.

Finally, after a few minutes, I slid down the tree to sit. Edward sat right beside me and dug through his backpack and pulled out two bottles of water. He handed me one and I was so grateful, drinking half of it before pulling it away from my lips.

"Prepared, are we?" I asked raising my eyebrow.

He shrugged, giving me a smug look. "It never hurts to be prepared."

A few minutes later, when I was relaxed and my breathing was back to normal, I had to ask.

"Edward, did you do all this?"

"Yeah, well… I had some help. From Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Alice… and Jacob."

I was a bit surprised that Jasper had been involved and even more surprised that Jacob was in on it. But it made sense. He had been the one to hand me the letter, after all.

"Don't you think all this was a little ...extreme?"

Again, he shrugged. "I had to do something to get your attention. I needed time alone with you and you wouldn't talk to me. I didn't think the note alone would convince you of how much you mean to me."

"Maybe not. But really, Edward. You didn't have to involve the fire department," I chuckled.

He pulled me a little closer to him and I snuggled into his side.

"So, while I appreciate all of your effort, in the future, could you please tone it down a bit?" I asked.

"Anything you want, angel," he murmured while stroking my hair.

We sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the comfort we gave one another. I couldn't shut my brain down, though. I was already feeling like this was a mistake. Had he really thought about how hard it was going to be, to have a relationship the preacher's daughter? I finally gave up and just decided to tell him what I was thinking.

"But I need to know, Edward, are you sure this is what you want? I mean, have you really thought this through? We can't have a normal relationship. Charlie would never agree to let me go on dates, and this whole skipping school thing has got to stop. I can't even imagine what would happen if Charlie found out about your little stunt today. And there is no way I will be okay with your girl-groupies hanging all over you. And, well… you know my stand on the whole sex before marriage thing. It just seems like it would be much easier for you to be with a normal girl."

He tilted my chin up so I was looking at him. "Bella, you are what I want. Everything I want. I am through trying to deny my feelings for you. I am not going to lie to you; this is all very new to me. And I'm sure I'm going to fuck up a few more times. All I ask is that you don't give up on me. We will figure the whole Charlie thing out, together. We will work with what we have. As far as the sex thing, you have to know I would never pressure you. I am fine with whatever you are comfortable with. I would be happy to just lay here and kiss you all day."

I couldn't help but smile up at him. "Then what are you waiting for? I'm here. So kiss me, _boyfriend_."

**Okay my peeps, hit that review button and make me happy! Review = Teaser**

My Rec's :

RL has been kinda crazy so I haven't had a lot of reading time, but besides my fav's that have updated I have found a few good ones. Here are a couple of them.

1. Sink or Swim by Konibell

2. Love me awkward, Love me true by Buff82

**If you know of any good stories, let me know!**


	19. Chapter 19

**SM owns not me **

**A/N:**

**So here is your next chapter. Yay! I missed all of you, even the ones that constantly reminded me that it had been to long since I last updated *cough cough*. Seriously I love hearing from you so feel free to drop me a line (or a review) any time :)**

**So I hear SM is putting out a new book on Bree's life. I am anxious to hear your thought on that!**

**As always Thanks and big hugs to my amazing Beta ManiacMotherland. I don't know what I would do without ya!**

Chapter 19

**EPOV**

It had been one month since Bella and I had made our relationship official. That's not a lot of time when you get right down to it, but I honestly could not imagine my life without Bella anymore. Ever since I had asked her to be my girlfriend, she had quickly become the most important thing to me.

In those few short weeks, I'd tried everyday to show her how much she meant to me, like I had promised. I'd met her early in the mornings, I'd carried her books to all her classes for her, and I'd tried to run everything through my mind before I said it in front of her, so as not to offend her. I'd even told Emmett to "shut the fuck up" when he was telling a crude joke at lunch one day. The comment earned me a lot of strange looks, but I didn't give a fuck. My girl deserved to be treated with respect.

The simple truth was that afternoon we spent in the woods four weeks ago was one of the best fucking days of my life. Of course, it had ended way too soon. I could have stayed in those woods with her all weekend and I still wouldn't have had my fill of her. Unfortunately, however, she had to be at home on time after school, or according to her, Charlie "would flip".

We had spent a lot of time talking and kissing since then, and once upon a time, I would have been pissed if that's all I had gotten after all the hard work and preparation I had put into wooing her. But, with Bella, I was honestly fine with it.

Don't get me wrong. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to cop a feel. But I managed to keep myself in check. I didn't want to make Bella feel uncomfortable or pressured.

I kept telling told Bella it wasn't just about the sex with her, and it wasn't. I mean, sure. I thought about that shit all the time. I was, after all, a normal teenage boy. But I was determined to be patient, for Bella's sake.

Needless to say, spending that first weekend after we were "official" without her sucked big hairy balls. I couldn't go see her because Jasper had gotten a job and he was my excuse for going over there. And I couldn't just call her, because apparently beyond not being allowed to have a boyfriend, or sit by a boy, or have a guy friend over, Bella was also not allowed to receive phone calls from boys. You'd had thought she was Rapunzel or some shit like that, locked up in the castle where no one could get to her.

By Saturday afternoon, I was going crazy. I knew I had to figure out a way to win her father over so he would loosen his reins a little. But first, I decided I had to find a way to be able to at least get in touch with Bella without her father knowing. Which is how I found myself buying her a cell phone.

My first impulse was to get her a top-notch fucking fantastic phone. Maybe a Droid or something. Then I thought about Bella and her general lack of technology sense and I knew it would just confuse her. So I ended up getting her a purple Motorola RAZR.

I knew Bella couldn't have a bill sent to her house without getting in trouble, so I just had her added to my plan. When I got home with my purchase, I plopped it down on the counter in front of my mom. She gave me a weird look as she picked up the phone to give it a closer look.

"I never took you for a purple kind of guy Edward," she teased.

I rolled my eyes and explained that I had bought the phone for Bella and had added her to our plan because she wasn't allowed to have a cell phone.

At first, my mom was a bit skeptical about me going behind Pastor Swan's back that way. Then I went into a long explanation about how I was truly worried about Bella, as a gentleman, and felt that she needed to carry it with her at all times, just in case of emergency. Just to be safe.

My mom quirked a eyebrow, not believing my bullshit for a minute, so I decided to come clean.

"Okay, Mom, straight shit... this is how it is. Bella is very sheltered. Her father keeps a tight rein on her. She is not allowed to date, to have a car or a job. She isn't allowed to have a boyfriend, talk on the phone, or even sit by a guy at church for Christ sake. At church, can you believe it ? I mean, what the fuck does he think is going to happen in church? They don't even have cable or the Internet, Mom. So she needs a cell. Come on, you know you feel bad for her. I can tell by the look on your face that you feel bad for her."

Finally, my mom agreed to go along with it but gave me a warning telling me, "Edward, honesty is always the best policy. I understand that Pastor Swan seems a bit strict, but I am sure he has reasons for his actions. You and Bella sneaking around behind his back is not going to help her situation any."

I kind of just shrugged and ignored her, though. I understood what she was trying to say, but I wasn't about to stay away from Bella just because her father was a dickhead. And fuck waiting around on him agreeing to let Bella live a little. We were only going to be young once and I didn't want Bella look back on her teen years and regret not having a life. I was making it my priority to make sure she had some freedom, and that all started with her having her own cell phone.

I was so excited to give it to her, but decided to wait until school on Monday, so as not to take any chances of Charlie seeing it.

That first Sunday in church was bittersweet. On one hand, it was great to be able to see her, but to have her that close and not be able to touch her or even sit by her proved to be more difficult than I had imagined. Luckily, she did sit on the back pew with us again, but Alice sat between us, separating me from the object of my desire.

I did manage to pass her a note that I had written to her that Saturday night. Yeah, that's right I wrote her a fucking love letter. There had been a party that night that I opted not to go to. Not used to spending my weekend nights at home, and not being able to get my mind off Bella, I decided to write her a letter, letting her know she was on my mind.

The smile that was on her face when I gave it to her was worth the fifteen rough drafts I went through trying to get that shit right.

The following Monday morning couldn't come fast enough for me. I got to school thirty minutes early waiting for her to show up. When she finally arrived, I rushed to wrap her in my arms. I convinced Alice to not play dress-up with her that morning so we could have some time together. Alice, of course, huffed a complaint but gave in once I pointed out that also gave her more time alone with Jasper. Then

I dragged Bella over to my car, across the parking lot.

"Bella, close your eyes. I have a surprise for you."

"Edward, you didn't have to get me anything. I don't want you spending money on me." She put her hands on her hips and tried to act like she was upset, but I could see the excitement in her eyes.

"I wanted to get you this. And you will like it, trust me. Now close your eyes."

She pretended to grumble but finally gave in and closed her eyes. She had a big grin on her face as she did, and she looked so cute, I couldn't resist kissing her nose.

She opened her eyes and her smile lit up her face. "Well, that was a nice surprise."

I had to chuckle. "No, silly girl, that wasn't your surprise. That was just an added bonus. Now close your eyes again."

She complied and I pulled the phone out and placed it in her hands.

She looked at it and seemed confused. "Edward... I can't..."

"Shh..." I stopped her by placing my finger on her lips. "I want you to have it. Fucking Jesus but you need a cell phone. I mean, who doesn't at least have a cell phone in this day and age? You can leave it in my car during the day to charge and just set it to vibrate when you're home so Charlie won't know. And if you get caught with it, you can say it is mine. It's on my plan, after all. Once you have a phone, you can text me or call me when he is gone or asleep. I already put mine and Alice's number in it. Plus... you are going to like this... I put a special ring tone in there for me. It's the song I sang to you over by the picnic table."

She immediately threw her arms around me in a tight hug."Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now show me how to use it."

She was happy. Mission accomplished. I spent the remainder of our time before school showing her how to use it.

We entered school that morning hand in hand. I could tell we were getting lots of stares, but I didn't have it in me to care. I had my girl and she had forgiven me and agreed to take me, flaws and all.

Jessica had been the first to voice her opinion on our relationship. I was in my second period class shooting the shit with Jacob just like normal when she approached my desk, flipping her hair and swaying her hips way more than necessary. I tried to ignore her, but she was having none of that.

"So, Edward, I just have to ask. What do you see in that girl? I mean, she isn't even pretty."

I let out a loud sigh. I so didn't need her drama. "You're right, Jess. She isn't pretty; she is fucking beautiful. And she's smart and fun to be around. Unlike you. She has something you will never have, and it's called class. So fuck off and leave us alone."

She just rolled her eyes at me. "Whatever. I give it two weeks before you are tired of her frigid ass and begging me to suck your dick."

I finally convinced Bella to stop hiding out in the library and start joining us for lunch in the cafeteria. I tried not to pout when she pulled out a brown bag lunch for Jake the first day. I didn't want to be one of those jealous boyfriends. I mean, she could be friends with whoever she wanted, and Jake did kinda help me out with her. Still, I wanted to rip that lunch bag from him and shove it up his ass.

Bella never said anything about it, but the next day and every day after that, she brought me a bag lunch along with hers and Jake's. It was nothing spectacular, usually just a sandwich, some chips, and a apple. It was the point that she fucking bothered that made it so special. And the fact that she wasn't just making one for Jake anymore.

Although our time at school was full of hand holding and stolen kisses, we were both itching for some alone time together. We tried to have private conversations between classes and at lunch, but there was always so many people around that it proved difficult to ever feel like it was just me and her. Which was why I was excited to meet her that morning.

As soon as she was out of Jasper's car, I was at her side. I gave her a passionate kiss. Alice walked by, on her way to greet Jasper. "Get a room, you two," she called out to us.

_Not a bad idea_, I thought to myself. But I kept the thought to myself. I released Bella's lips and had to laugh at her blush.

"Happy one-month anniversary, angel."

She giggled. "I can't believe you remember that."

I shrugged. Yeah, I knew it was a girlie thing to remember, but it was a big fucking deal to me.

"I have a surprise for you," I blurted out, unable to hide my excitement anymore.

She stepped away from me." Edward, I've told you. I don't want you spending money on me," she complained. "You don't have to buy me things to let me know you care. You show me with your actions every day, and that is all I need."

I let her finish her rant before I spoke up. "I didn't spend any money on you. It's just something I want to tell you, that I think will make you very happy."

"Oh," she looked a bit sheepish. "Well, what is it? Tell me."

" I wanted to do something special with you today, but I knew your father would never allow you to go out. So I talked to my parents to get some ideas and they decided to invite you, your father, and Jasper over for dinner tonight, and then they are taking your father to a play in the city."

Bella looked a bit surprised. "And he agreed?"

"Yep," I said, popping the "p" and grinning ear to ear." My dad has already asked him and Charlie has already agreed to dinner and the play, and more importantly, to let you and Jasper hang out at our house while they are gone. This is all part of my master-genius two-part plan. First," I held up an index finger, "this gives your father a chance to get to know me better and see that I am a stand-up kind of guy, and second," I held up another finger, "it gives us some alone time later on, after they leave."

"Oh, Edward, this is great! Why didn't you tell me about it sooner?"

"'Cuz it was a surprise, and I didn't want to get your hopes up until I knew it was a sure thing. Oh, and bring your iPod. I have some new songs I think you will like that I want to download for you."

After that, our day seemed to drag by. Normally, I would be happy that my time with Bella seemed to last longer, but on this particular day, I was ready to get school over with and get her to my house.

My afternoon after school went by at a snail's pace. I sent her a few text messages, but she didn't reply to any of them. Obviously, she was around Charlie and her phone was hidden and couldn't respond.

That week, she texted me every night when she was sure Charlie was asleep, and it was kinda sad how much I looked forward to our late-night texting. I had to constantly work on my patience with her because she texted so fucking slow. Sometimes I would nod off waiting on her reply. And she didn't get text talk at all, so I had to spell everything out for her or it would take her ten minutes to type back, "So what does LOL mean again?"

Finally, six o'clock on Friday rolled around. I found myself pacing in front of the door waiting for the door bell to ring. When it finally did, I almost jumped out of my skin. I let a few seconds second pass before I opened the door, so it wouldn't look like I had been standing right there.

I opened the door and my eyes immediately went to Bella. I had to mentally slap myself to stay on track. Bella and I had discussed this, how we could not show any signs to her father that we were a item. I had reiterated this to my parents, and they had promised to play it cool, but I suddenly found myself incredibly nervous that I was going to screw this all up.

I extended my hand out. "Good evening, Pastor Swan. It's good to see you."

He shook my hand but didn't reply.

I opened the door and motioned for them to come in. "Hello, Jasper. Bella."

Bella squeaked out a "hi" while looking at the floor. This was obviously just as hard on her as it was on me.

Jasper smirked while shaking his head. "Hey, man," he drawled.

And then we just all stood there in silence. Me trying not to look at Bella and trying to think of something intelligent to say. Bella blushing and looking at the floor. Charlie staring at me, looking irritated. And Jasper trying not to bust out in a fit of laughter.

Yep, this was about to be one big cluster fuck, I thought to myself. Thank God my father walked in right then to save the day. He greeted everyone, and then turned his attention to Bella.

"What do you have there?" he asked, trying to get a closer look.

"I... umm... I made a pie for dessert." She sounded so timid.

"Well, it smells great. Why don't you take it to the kitchen, Bella. Do you remember where it is?" my dad asked, obviously trying to give her a way out of this awkwardness.

"Yes, sir. Thank you," she said, before quickly walking away.

"Charlie, Jasper, please come in, make yourselves at home. Dinner should be done shortly." My dad was obviously trying to make up for my lack of hospitality.

We all made our way to the sitting area and sat down. My dad and Charlie made small talk about nothing I gave a shit about. I knew I should involve myself in the conversation, but I couldn't think of anything to say. All I could think about was how Bella was in my house and I couldn't even go to talk to her. Finally, my mom came in and called us all to dinner.

We all sat at the table, with my father at one end Charlie at the other. I took the seat directly across from Bella. If I couldn't touch her, I could at least look at her, and sitting across from her gave me the perfect opportunity.

As soon as we sat down, I reached out to grab a bowl of mashed potatoes and started scooping some on to my plate. My father cleared his throat and I looked up to see everyone watching me and not fixing their own plates. A bit confused, I set the bowl back down on the table. I looked at my father, hoping he could read my mind and see that I was silently asking him what the fuck was going on.

"Pastor Swan, could you please say grace for us?" he said, not taking his eyes off of me.

Aw fuck, I kicked myself mentally. Not even two minutes in and I have already screwed up. How could I forget to say the blessing with the preacher sitting right here? Hopefully, my slip-up didn't cost me too many points. I mean, it's not like we normally do this whole family prayer shit on a regular basis, I mumbled to myself.

"Of course," Charlie said and held out both of his hands. Again, I was confused, but soon figured it out when everyone clasped hands. I had no idea what the point of holding hands was while saying grace. I mean, did God bless my food anymore because I was put in the awkward situation of holding Jasper's hand for five fucking minutes while Charlie went on and on and on?

When he finally finished thanking the good Lord for all the fish in the sea and birds in the air and went through every sin imaginable to ask forgiveness for, my hands were sweaty and I was feeling pretty fucking gay for holding Jasper's hand so long.

This time, however, I decided to wait before I grabbed any food. I let my parents start and then passed the dishes around the table when they were handed to me.

As everyone filled their plates and began eating, I was counting down the minutes until I had Bella all to myself. I had no idea what exactly we were going to do, but I hoped a good portion of our time would be spent with me devouring her lips.

My mother, always the good hostess, made sure the conversation flowed smoothly. She asked Charlie how they were liking Forks so far, and how Jasper and Bella were enjoying school. Jasper told everyone about his new job at the grocery store, and how much he was enjoying it.

"Bella, do you also have a after-school job?" my father asked, trying to include her in the conversation.

Bela sat her fork down and dabbed her mouth with her napkin before speaking. "No, sir."

My father, obviously not understanding what he was talking about, continued the conversation. "Oh, well, were you looking for a job? I know they are hard to come by in our small town, but I am sure I could pull some strings at the hospital and get you something answering phones or record filing."

Charlie spoke before Bella ever had a chance. "Isabella doesn't need a job. Her job is to keep our house and make sure we have all of our meals on time. That's a woman's place. A man is the breadwinner and the woman is the homemaker. As I am sure you recall in Titus when Paul is giving instructions of how a young woman is to be trained. I believe the passage says T_each the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. _I take the word of our Lord seriously, and I am training my daughter properly."

My parents seemed taken back a bit by Charlie's view of a woman's place. I knew my mother was having a hard time biting her tongue on this one. They were beginning to see what Bella and I were truly up against, and I smiled to myself quietly as the realization sunk in.

Finally, my mother recovered and changed the subject, asking Bella about the pie she'd made.

Bella went on to explain it was a recipe her mother had taught her and how one of their favorite things had been to bake together. The smile that lit her face when she talked about her mother was indescribable. I wish for Bella's sake that her mother was still around. I can't even imagine life without my mother. I may give them hell at times, but I know they will always be there for me and have my back through all of my fuck-ups.

I finally was able to contribute when the conversation turned to sports. Charlie seemed genuinely interested in that subject, and I spent a good portion of our meal talking about our sports team at Forks high school.

Finally, dinner was over, and my mom served everyone a piece of Bella's pie. It was fucking fantastic and I had to resist licking my plate to get every last morsel.

Everyone, with the exception of Charlie, complimented Bella on how great it was. She blushed and mumbled thank you.

As everyone was finishing up their dessert, my father pushed his plate aside. I could tell he had something he wanted to say, so I gave him my full attention.

"Pastor Swan, I had something I wanted to discuss with you," he said, after a moment.

Charlie set his fork down. "Sure, Carlisle. What is it?"

My father looked a bit nervous and I had to wonder what had him so flustered.

"Esme and I were discussing the other day how the youth in the community have been left hanging since Carmen the previous youth director stepped down. And well, we thought it would be beneficial for us to take that role over."

He took a deep breath and continued. "We have discussed it, and we would like to open our home on Friday nights to host the youth in the church. We will have a short lesson, do group prayers and then have time for open discussion to talk about what is going on in their lives. We will work closely with the youth council to plan out reach missions in the community as well as plan fun outings for the kids."

I looked at my father, shocked, then turned my attention to Alice who looked just as shocked as I was. Obviously, she had no idea about this either. I had no idea why my parents would want to do this. The previous youth director stepped down because none of the youth in the church would participate in anything she tried to do. We had no interest in spending our time doing devotions and missions. My parents had to know they were wasting their time. None of the teenagers were going to give up their Friday night parties to come sit here and talk about what is going on in their lives.

Charlie seemed to think about this for a moment. "Carlisle, are you sure? This is a big responsibility? I have met quite a few youth in the community, and I feel this will be no easy task."

My dad was quick to respond. "Yes, we are very sure. I feel that, as a deacon of the church, it is my responsibility to step up to the challenge."

Charlie nodded his head in agreement. "Then it is decided. I will announce it Sunday morning. I think this will be a very positive thing for our youth. And I would be happy to come by and speak at a few of the meetings."

My dad smiled and looked a bit relieved. "I think that would be a great idea."

I could help thinking, what the fuck just happened? I would definitely be having a conversation with my father later. Not that I was complaining. This meant I would get to spend more time with Bella. But still, my ideal situation would be taking her on dates on Friday nights, not sitting around in a group session with my parents. I guess for now I would take what I can get.

My dad looked down at his watch. "Well, I guess we better get going if we want to get a good seat."

My mom started clearing the table, but we assured her we would get it, so they could go ahead and leave. As soon as the adults were out of the door Bella, Jasper, Alice and I all busted out laughing.

"That had to be the most awkward fucking dinner I have ever had," I said, standing to finally go over to Bella. I walked up to her, helped her out of the chair and pulled her into a tight embrace.

She giggled. "I bet you have been waiting all night to say that."

"Say what?" I teased.

She rolled her eyes. "That word"

"What word?" I faked ignorance when really I just wanted to hear her say it.

She huffed. "You know what word."

I gave her my best confused look. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Bella Swan."

She got the most determined look on her face. She was just too cute for her own good. "Fuck," she finally said in a whisper. "I bet you've been dying to say 'fuck' all night."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "You know me so well," I said, kissing her nose. "But it is much hotter when you say it."

"Okay, you two, break it up, so we can get this mess cleaned up," Alice demanded, standing up and grabbing some dishes off the table.

We all carried the plates into the kitchen, but I stopped to turn on some music before I made it into the kitchen. We spent the next half hour rinsing dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, wiping down the table, and putting away the leftovers. We could have probably finished much sooner, but we were having too much fun spraying each other with the hose from the sink and laughing our asses off watching Alice dance ridiculously around the kitchen to the oldies music my mother had in her CD player.

We were all wet and laughing uncontrollably by the time the kitchen was clean. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun cleaning. Not that I would want to do that shit on the regular, but it was a nice one-time thing.

By the time everything was finished, I was more than ready for my alone time with Bella. I didn't waste any time, picking her up and throwing her over my shoulder carrying her to my room.

"Edwarrrrrd... put me down. Where are you taking me?" she squealed, as I carried her up the stairs.

I just laughed and smacked her lightly on her ass which caused her to yelp. I mean, it was right there, and I am only human. I didn't think that was crossing a line, and she honestly didn't seem to mind.

Once I reached my room, I sat her down lightly and held onto her until I was sure she could keep her balance.

"So, this is your room?" she asked, making herself right at home and nosing around my stuff.

"Yep, this is where the magic happens," I said, then mentally slapped myself. She gave me a confused look. Clearly, she had never seen MTV Cribs. Or MTV at al, for that matter.

She continued walking around my room, looking at my bookshelves and dresser. She stopped when she got to my desk and started moving shit around. I immediately became nervous. I mean, I had straightened my room up, knowing she would be in here, but there was no telling what she would find in my desk, if she continued digging. I decided to be honest. There was no point in lying to her.

"Ummm, Bella, I wouldn't look too hard, or you might just find things you don't want to see."

She gave me a quizzical look." Like what?"

I ran my hand through my hair. "Fuck, I don't know. There's just no telling what you'll find is all."

She paid me no mind and started to open the side drawer on my desk. I immediately moved across the room to stop her. I put my hand on the drawer and pushed it back closed hoping she hadn't gotten a good look in there. "You really don't want to look in there."

She looked at me with a mischievous gleam in her eye. "What are you hiding, Edward?"

"I'm not _hiding_ anything. I just don't think you want to see my porn collection," I told her honestly.

Her eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped open. "You have pornography?" she practically yelled.

Apparently to Bella this was a bad thing. Of course it would be to someone as sheltered as Bella. This could turn bad quickly, I thought to myself. But I thought I would try to play it cool at first.

"I assure you, every teenage boy in America has a porno collection, Bella. It's really not that big of a deal. Trust me."

"You have got to be kidding me," she said, still in shock. "What...what on earth do you do with it?"

What do I do with it? Were we really about to have this conversation?

"What do you think I do with it?" Again, I opted for honesty. At some point she was going to have to realize that guys did that kind of thing, all the time.

"I... I have no idea," she sputtered. "I didn't know people could actually _have_ that stuff just laying around. Isn't it illegal or something?" She had the most serious look on her face as she said this, like she honestly believed that shit, the shit they told her in church. I couldn't help but laugh.

"No, it's not illegal Bella. And I promise, you ask any guy, and if he is being honest, then he will tell you he has his own personal porn collection."

She didn't say much. She still seemed in shock.

"And for the record, I don't have it just laying around," I clarified. "It is put away. Or it was put away until you started digging for it."

"So what do you do with it?" she asked after a few moments pause, genuinely curious.

"I...well, I ummmm.....jack off to it...sometimes."

"What!" she screamed.

I was confused. Surely she knew I jacked off. She had to know, as a teenage boy, that's what we do.

"Bella, everybody masturbates. It's a healthy normal thing to do. My dad told me so, and he's a doctor," I added, just because she was making me feel self-conscious.

She looked at me like I had grown a second head. "Not everyone does... that."

"Yes, Bella they do. They may not admit it, but everyone does it," I said, suddenly defensive.

She didn't say anything , just studied her shoes like they were the most important thing in the room. And then it all made sense.

"Wait, Bella....you don't... touch yourself?" I asked, first shocked that I actually just asked my girlfriend that, and secondly shocked that I honestly didn't think she did.

"Uh... no," she said, still looking at her shoes.

I put my finger under her chin and lifted it so she would look at me.

"Never?" I asked, just because it was hard to believe.

"No, never," she clarified.

"Wow." I didn't know what to say.

"So, can I see it?" she asked, turning her head toward the desk drawer.

Did she just ask to see my porn collection? My dick nodded yes and did a little happy dance. Apparently my girl had a kinky side to her. But then my brain said, "Hello, Edward, long time, no see. You plus Bella plus porn in your room alone after just talking about masturbating equals not a very good idea". I pulled her towards me and kissed her gently, hoping that would soften the blow.

"I don't think that is a good idea right now," I murmured.

Thankfully, she didn't push it, because honestly, if had she asked me again, I probably would have whipped it right out for her, showed her my favorite pages and which positions I imagined her in. I had a feeling the subject would come up again, but at least I would have time to prepare for it.

"Did you bring your iPod?" I needed a change of subject fast.

"Yeah," she said, digging it out of her pocket and handing it to me.

I hooked it up to my computer to download the new songs I had found for her. I hit "play" so she could hear them then led her over to my bed so we could sit and talk. I wanted to spend more time on her beautiful lips, but I needed a little time to regain my composure.

We both sat Indian-style on the bed across from each other, talking about school, her father, and this new arrangement my parents had sprung on us.

After a while, I had calmed down a bit, and I was feeling comfortable alone in my room on my bed with Bella. That was until she flung herself down on my bed and sprawled out.

"Edward, you have the most comfortable bed I have ever been on."

I quirked a brow at her. "You been on lot of beds?"

"Enough to know that yours is definitely the most comfortable." She gave me a evil smirk then continued. "Well, besides this one guy's bed, back in Phoenix."

I knew she was teasing, because she started laughing at my expression.

"You really should not have said that," I told her as I leaned over her to tickle her.

She laughed hysterically, rolling all over my bed, but I didn't relent.

"Take it back," I mock-demanded.

"Okay, okay... I take it back... yours is the most comfortable," she said, between laughs.

I leaned in close to her face, inches away from her mouth. "Tell me I have the best bed ever made and you will never find a better one."

She smiled at me and repeated the line. I couldn't help it; I had to kiss her. I crushed my lips to hers in a very passionate kiss. Maybe it was all the talk about beds, maybe it was being so close to her, or maybe it was the fact that we hadn't had any time alone for quite a while. For whatever reason, that kiss was the best fucking kiss I had ever had in my life.

She willingly opened her mouth and let my tongue in to explore. As soon as I flicked in my tongue, however, hers was in my mouth testing, teasing. Her hands were at the nape of my neck pulling and scratching. It was then that I really noticed how hard I was and what position we were in. I'm not sure how we got here, but she was flat on her back and I was between her legs hovering over her. I was careful not to put any of my weight on her. I didn't want to scare her because big E was standing at full attention.

I had to fist my hands in the sheets to keep them from groping her. This was new for her, new for us and I didn't want to take it too far right then. I actually wanted to enjoy it, not rush through it like usual.

I had to stop to breath and I was sure she needed oxygen also, so I moved my lips kissing down her jaw and down her neck before sucking on her collar bone. When I did this, she arched off the bed, running straight into my erection. Before my brain could tell my body not to react, I ground back into her.

She let out a throaty loud moan and I immediately stopped and pulled away to look at her.

She opened her eyes wide and stared at me for a few seconds. "Do that again" was all she said.

"I... ummm... I don't think that is a good idea," I told her, still holding eye contact.

"Why? I mean we have our clothes on, and that... that felt really good."

"Bella, I don't want to pressure you. I don't want you to have regrets with me," I told her honestly.

She ran her hand over my face and cupped my jaw. "You are not pressuring me, I'm asking. I promise, no regrets. We are just... well, I don't know what it is, but I know if we have clothes on that it is nowhere close to sex. So relax."

I tried to swallow, but there was a lump in my throat. I thought about what she'd said, and I decided that if she wanted to do this, I didn't see the harm.

"Can I touch your boob?"

Her eyebrows knitted together, clearly confused. "Does that help, touching my boob?"

I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. "Help what?" I asked.

"To get you aroused," she whisper kindly, but it made all of this seem kind of silly.

And then understanding hit me. She had never done this before, so how would she know what turned a guy on? I took her hand and moved it down to place it on my very hard, jean-covered dick.

"Bella, I am very aroused already. I just want to feel your boob."

Her entire face and neck turned a beautiful blush pink. She moved her hand and placed it on my back. "Okay, just keep it outside the clothes," she said, as she gave in.

"I can do that." I mumbled as I leaned down to kiss her plump lips, this time allowing my lower half to press into her. I slowly moved my hand up her body to rest on her breast. I didn't move it at first, because I wanted to give her time to get used to it. Slowly, I started kneading it in my hand.

I couldn't focus on anything else for a bit. My brain was screaming at me, _You are touching Bella's boobies. You are touching Bella's boobies! _I moved my hand over to where her nipple would be and I lightly pinched. She moaned into my mouth which made me do it again and grind up a little more up against her with my dick, which was so hard at this point it was just a little bit painful. I was sure it would be raw when he finally made it out of my jeans tonight, but my girl was enjoying herself so much I couldn't stop.

I kissed my way down her neck again, this time letting my mouth wonder down to her perky breast. I sucked and nibbled, and even through her shirt, she seemed to enjoy that shit. Her moans were getting louder and her hands were tugging in my hair as we kept dry-humping for a couple minutes. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer.

"Bella, fuck baby, I have to stop," I told her, slowing my pace.

"What? Why?" she asked, clearly not ready for this to be over.

"Because, if I don't stop, I'm going to jizz all in my pants, and that is just not fun to clean up."

"Oh, okay then," she said trying to get her breathing back steady. She seemed a little embarrassed.

I leaned into whisper in her ear. "But don't worry. I'm going to make you feel good, okay?"

I sucked her ear lobe into my mouth as I moved my hand down her body. I pressed it into her warm center and then began moving it up and down along the seam of her jeans, outside of the fabric. I had no idea if this would get her off, but it was worth a try.

This apparently worked for her, because she moaned out my name before telling me to go faster. It didn't take her long before she was arching off the bed and clawing at my back. I knew she was having her first orgasm and I was so fucking glad I was able to witness it. I had never seen anything more beautiful, and I told her that over and over as she rode out her orgasm.

Eventually, I slowed down, letting her come down from her high. She blinked her eyes a few times.

"Edward that was... that was... thank you," she said, still breathing heavy.

"You are very welcome, angel. Now, if you will excuse me for a moment, I need to go to the bathroom."

She looked at me a little funny, but didn't question me, which I was thankful for. I had business to attend to right then.

My dick was super pissed that, after all that friction, all he got was my hand, but I told him to get used to it. It didn't take me long to get the job done, and I didn't need to think about pornography, just the look on Bella's face when she came. Afterwards, I cleaned up and headed back to my room where Bella was still laid out in my bed with a big-ass grin on her face.

I snuggled in beside her and held her as close as possible. She probably had no idea that I had just jacked off in the bathroom, and I let her just continue in happy ignorance of the fact.

"Edward, what is this song? It is really beautiful."

I listened for a moment, then kissed the top of her head. "This is 'Halo' by Beyonce. Every time I hear it, I think of you."

"Edward, I love you," she crooned.

"And I love you, more than anything," I told her, meaning ever word.

It wasn't long before there was a knock on my door. Alice came in to tell us it was about time for our parents to return, so we should all head downstairs and try to act normal. I gave Bella one more passionate kiss, knowing I wouldn't be able to give her a proper goodbye in front of her father.

We made our way down the stairs hand in hand, and I knew tonight would be the hardest ever letting Bella go. I had to figure out someway to see her again, sometime soon.

**Okay peeps here's the deal....PLEASE REVIEW! It makes me happy. It makes me want to write. And It makes me love you oh so much. **

**Come find me on Facebook.......RandomGirl Fanfic.**

**Rec's for this week:**

**Holy hell, I have read sooooo many good stories over the last few weeks I had a hard time narrowing this down. But I didn't want to overwhelm you with like 50 stories, I figured if you wanted to know what I was reading you would ask (or look on my Fave's). So when you get done with these if you want to know what I'm reading...then ask :)**

**Don't Live in Regret –** by Don't Live in Regret

This is her first Fic and it is just starting. It had me hooked at the first chapter. Go read and show her your love!

**Stolen Souls** – by Nayarit

Fucking wow ..it's like nothing I have ever read. Kinda dark, but very good.

**How To Save A Life –** by

I seriously stayed up till like 3 am reading this one cause I couldn't stop reading! Amazing!


	20. Chapter 20

**I do not own Twilight..**

**A/N**

**Uh sorry this up-date took a while. I am so not even going to give you my excuses (which I do have many of) I am just going to say sorry. :) **

**You can thank RachelleMyBell for this update. Usually it's Ms Elizabeth or AriCullen1134 and sometimes Twilightnaley19 getting on my ass for a update, but this time it was all RachellMyBell letting me know it had been way to long . So she can now be added to the begging and bribing club (although next time I am totally holding out for the bribe). :) Seriously I love all my readers and reviewers. Thank you for taking the time to read my story!**

**Someone asked me how many chapters I anticipated this story being. Honestly, at this point I am so far off track from my original outline I have no idea lol. The characters seem to have a mind of their own and keep refusing to stick to what I want them to do. Something big was supposed to happen like 5 chapters ago, but then Edward begged to touch Bella's boob....and really who am I to tell him no? So my plan is to tie a few things up in the next 3 chapters and then we should be back to the outline. Now whether the characters stick to this or not still remains to be seen. If I had to guess though, I would say maybe 15ish more chapters?????**

**So there is this woman. Some call her my Beta, I call her a God Send. She calls herself ManiacMotherland. She is amazing and she deserves so much praise for the work she does on this story. Not only is she a great beta but she is an amazing author. You really should go read her stories. Her story 'Just Like a Woman' is indescribable. Seriously no words can say how great this story is...you just need to go read it! She also just started a new one, which will knock your socks off 'Blood in the sky'. **

**Also just FYI cause I am totally honored. My twific soul mate Jay's World is letting me kinda sorta beta for her for story Sound of Silence for a few chapters. Well it's really more just pre-read them and give some input (cause I reallllly suck at grammar and punctuation). Still I am honored she is letting me do it and I just wanted to give her a shout out and say thanks for trusting me, and giving me dibs on the chapters before they post :)**

**Okay geez I am apparently in a chatty mood...but on to some Virginella and Rebelward. (Sendmeonmyway totally named them, and I love it!)**

**I am on Facebook, come find me RandomGirl Fanfic...and tell me what your ff name is so I know who I am talking to lol.**

***Note at the bottom, please read :) ***

Chapter 20

**BPOV**

To say the last month of my life has been completely different would be putting it lightly. It has been full of so many changes and more happiness than I ever thought possible. Edward made me feel like I was the most important person on the planet. Every day he poured his love and affection into me.

I saw a lot of changes in him as well. He still has a potty mouth but I don't think that will ever change, and truth be told, I kind of like it. Although I would never admit that to him. In many other ways though, I have seen changes in him. He hasn't gone to a single party since he'd made his declaration of love to me. I'd asked him about it after our first weekend together, and he'd told me that he was striving to be a better person for me. He'd said he wanted to be someone I could be proud of and if he was out getting quote "fucked up and shit" then he wasn't sticking to the promise he had made to himself. I found this so sweet I could just kiss him. But unfortunately we weren't always alone, and so I had to keep some of those thoughts to myself.

Besides, he had said, he didn't want me worrying about what he was doing and who he was doing it with, so he thought it best to just avoid the whole situation. I had to wonder though how long that his will-power would last, and if the real reason was because the temptation of all the girls would be to much for him to turn down. After all, a person can't really change overnight. I hoped for my sake and his, however, that he would continue on this new path that he had chosen.

Not everyone was happy about our new relationship, of course. That first day at school, when Edward and I made our relationship public, Jessica had said some pretty mean things to me. She had told me I wasn't pretty enough to keep him for long, and that I was just a shiny new toy that he would get tired of before long. She'd told me that he'd would soon tire of my frigid ass, and he'd would be crawling back to her begging for a good suck or fuck or whatever. I hoped to the high heavens that she was wrong, but a small part of me was still worried that she was right.

I was still very insecure about our relationship. I just couldn't understand what Edward saw in me. He was beyond gorgeous, very popular and had more life experience in his little finger than I had in my entire body. And me? Well, I was just plain, shy and so… not Jessica. I guess I couldn't really see how he could go from someone like her to someone like me.

Some of my insecurities ended though, on our one-month anniversary alone in his bedroom. The night started out innocent enough, just talking and playing around in the kitchen with Jasper and Alice. Then, once Edward and I made it to his room, it was as if the atmosphere had completely changed. I could see the change in Edward as soon as the topic of pornography came up. It was like a switch flipped and he was having to really work on controlling every word he spoke and action he made. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but I figured it was some weird guy thing, so I let it go.

The fact that Edward had pornography is his possession and openly admitted to it freaked me out a bit. I wasn't sure if I was disgusted by it, or intrigued by it. I decided not to waste any of my time with Edward dwelling on it. I would have plenty of time alone this weekend to think it through.

Then we made it to his bed. I attempted a joke about comparing his to another boy's. It was stupid on my part because we both knew I had never been in another boy's bed, but Edward played along with me, tickling me until I surrendered.

Things happened so quickly after that. I am not sure how it started or what exactly was happening, but I definitely didn't want it to end. My body was feeling things I had never even imagined possible. At one point, I practically begged him to rub his private parts against me. I was just as shocked as he was that I said that out loud, but in the heat of the moment, I didn't seem to have the ability to think things through.

He then asked if he could touch my boob. I was caught off-guard by his question and then felt embarrassed, because obviously this thing that we were doing, whatever the heck it was, it must not have felt as good for him as it did for me--because if he needed to need to touch my breasts to get into the mood, then obviously I was doing something wrong. When I asked if it helped to arouse him, he placed my hand on his penis. Yes, it was still covered by his jeans, but there was a definite bulge there and it seemed quite large. It was the first time in my life I had ever been so close to a guy's... area. I quickly removed my hand because I had no idea what to do with it, and I didn't want to ruin the moment by fumbling around.

He wasted no time groping my boob, and it felt amazing. Just knowing his hand was there, on one of the more intimate parts of my body, sent sparks all through my body. All the kissing and rubbing and boob-touching was just too much; I felt like my body was going to explode. But I didn't want it to stop. Ever.

When he suddenly stopped, it was clear by his flushed cheeks and panting that he was enjoying this just as much as I was. He explained he needed to stop or he would have a "mess" to clean up. I tried not to show my disappointment, but he picked up on it and quickly told me he was going to make me feel good, just to trust him.

I did trust him, but I couldn't help but tense up when he snaked his hand down and started rubbing his hand on my... area. It was a brief reaction, however, the tension, because with his body rubbing on me, just knowing that his hand was there and his entire focus was on making me feel good sent a tidal wave through my body. Again I didn't know what was happening but I couldn't have formed a coherent sentence to ask him to stop, if I had even wanted him to. Which I didn't.

My body was hot from head to toe, with a tingling sensation erupting all over. Edward was whispering in my ear but I didn't have the energy to focus on what he was saying. My body wouldn't seem to calm down enough to let me focus on anything else except this feeling of complete fulfillment.

After it was all said and done, I tried to explain to him how amazing that was for me, but there just were no words to describe the experience. So I told him thank you, and hoped he knew there was much more I wanted to say but couldn't really process right then, at that moment.

Our night ended shortly after that, with Alice announcing that our parents would be back soon.

My ride back home with Charlie and Jasper was awkward, to say the least. I couldn't help but feel like everyone knew exactly what I had been up to all night, and that made me incredibly paranoid.

By the time we made it home, I was exhausted and needed to go to sleep just so my brain would shut down for a while. Too much had happened tonight to try and process, and I needed to get a good night's sleep and think it all through tomorrow, I decided.

After I showered and climbed into bed, I sent Edward a quick text telling him goodnight. As I was pressing send, there was a knock on my door, so I quickly stashed my cell under my pillow. That had become my hiding spot. Sure, it wasn't the best place, but this way if Edward texted me at night, the vibrating under my pillow would wake me up.

"Come in!" I called out and couldn't help the yawn that followed.

Jasper walked in and chuckled at me in my sleepy state. He crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. He didn't talk for a few minutes. Instead, he just picked at a string on my comforter. I was simply too tired to try and figure him out that night so I got abrupt.

"Jasper, just spit it out. I know you've got something on your mind, but I am too tired to play guessing games."

He nodded but didn't look up as he spoke.

"I just, ummm... I just wanted to make sure everything was alright with you, Bells. You seemed different tonight, after leaving Edward's room."

The panic set in. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to keep my voice steady.

"Different how? What do you mean?"

This time, he did look up as he spoke. "I don't know, just different. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. You know you can talk to me right?"

"Jasper, I have no idea what you are talking about. I am fine." I was trying to reassure myself just as much as I was trying to assure him.

He stared into my eyes for a few seconds. "Look, Bella... you didn't... I mean you're not... shit, this is harder than I thought it would be."

"Jasper, you are really confusing me here. What are you trying to ask?"

He took a deep breath and continued. "You haven't, you know... had sex with Edward. Right?"

"What? Jasper, of course not. You should know me better than that. I mean we have only been seeing each other for a month! I cannot believe you just asked me that!"

Jasper visibly relaxed and let out a sigh. "Good. That's good, Bells. I just wanted to make sure. I mean, you were alone in his room for a long time and then you just seemed off in la-la land when you came downstairs. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't trying to push you into anything. Because you know, that is a big decision, and I don't want you to take it lightly."

"Jasper, you have no reason to worry. Edward has been a compete gentleman and has not even attempted anything sexual with me."

Well, that was kind of a lie, I reminded myself. He did ask to touch my boob, but the rest of that night was all me, pushing him to continue.

I continued before he had a chance to catch on to my white lie. "I am well aware it is a big decision, and Edward knows where I stand on that subject. I can assure you that has not changed in the last month. So while I appreciate your concern, it is definitely not needed."

It was quiet for a few minutes. Jasper reached over and patted my leg and started to get up when a thought crossed my mind.

"Wait, Jasper, are you and Alice... you know... doing _that_?"

The look on Jasper's face registered complete shock. He obviously was not expecting me to ask him about this. But in my book, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

"I... umm, well... we..." he stumbled over his words. "Well, it's different for us, Bells."

Now it was my turn to be shocked.

"What? How is it different? Are you seriously telling me that you are having... in-ter-course with Alice?" My mouth shaped the sounds precisely, but the word still seemed rather awkward to say.

Jasper's cheeks turned the brightest pink I had ever seen. He didn't usually blush, so he must really be embarrassed.

"No, we haven't done _that _yet. I'm just saying that when we do... well, it won't be the same... because we have different circumstances, you and me."

I wasn't buying it. "How is it different for you compared to me? Please explain this to me."

It was obvious he was uncomfortable with this conversation, but I didn't care. He'd started it.

"Well, I mean, we are not rushing anything, but when we do cross that line, it will be different because, well... for starters, neither of us are virgins."

"What!" I cut him off with my yelling.

He immediately covered my mouth with his hand. "Shhh, Bells. Your dad is right downstairs."

He slowly peeled his hand away from my mouth and I tried to keep my voice down.

"Jasper, you have had sex before? When? With who?"

"Sorry, but I am so not having that conversation with you. I am not a kiss-and-tell kind of guy."

I could tell he wasn't going to budge on this, but my curiosity was getting the better of me.

"So let me get this straight, Jasper. It's okay for you to ask me about this stuff, but not the other way around?"

"Bella, listen. The past is the past. If you want to talk about current issues, then I'm here, but I don't want to talk about my past relationships."

"I understand that. I'm just surprised. Thank you for your offer, but right now, tonight, I don't need to talk about anything. I am just extremely tired and in desperate need of a good night's sleep."

"Alright, well I will leave you to it. Just remember, I am always here if you need to talk and I know Alice feels the same way. You know, if you would rather talk to a girl about this stuff." He leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"Thanks, Jasper. That really means a lot." I couldn't help but yawn again.

He stood to leave and I thought of one last question.

"Jasper, wait. How do you know that Alice isn't a... umm, isn't a virgin?" I whispered the last part, feeling dirty just saying the word.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Because she told me."

Again, I was shocked. "You two have talked about your past ….experiences?"

He nodded. "Well, yeah. Most people in a serious relationship have _the_ conversation at some point. How many partners each has had, things you have done, things you would never consider even trying, things you would like to do with each other. Fantasies and shit like that. Not that I'm recommending you have that conversation right now with Edward. Just, well... you kinda do need to have it with him before... ummm, well, before you know."

I just blinked at Jasper. Was he really suggesting what I thought he was suggesting? Having that kind of talk with Edward after only one time alone in his bedroom?

Jasper yawned too at this point. Apparently, he was pretty sleepy as well. Then he patted my leg.

"I know that is a lot to take in, so don't worry about it too much for now. Just try to get some sleep. See in the morning, Bells."

"Okay, good night, Jasper," I said, as he slipped back out my door.

Lying there after he left, a ton of thoughts flooded my mind. Holy crow, one more thing to add to my plate of things to worry about. Should I have this conversation with Edward? Did I even want to know details about his other encounters? I can't see how this could possibly be beneficial to a relationship.

I was finally able to drift off to sleep, and even though I had a ton of things weighing on my mind, I was able to get a good night's sleep.

Saturday morning, I found myself waking well-rested and refreshed. I tried to carry on with my day in my normal routine, pushing all the thoughts clouding my mind to the back. That of course did not work very well. By noon, I was done with all my chores and was left to my thoughts in a empty quiet house.

I tried to process all that had happened last night. Edward's admittance to having pornography. The things we did in his bed. The way he made my body react. The talk I had with Jasper.

By one, I was sure I would go mad. I couldn't figure all of this out on my own, I knew that much. I needed help. Jasper was the logical choice, but he wasn't here, and truthfully, I didn't feel comfortable talking to him about these subjects.

My only other option was Alice. She was the only other true friend I had. I didn't really want to involve her in this either because, well... it involved her brother and sex and porno and I thought that would just be to weird for her.

By one-thirty, however, I was on the phone calling Alice, all logical reasoning out the window. Brother or not, I needed someone to talk to, and she was the only one I trusted.

She answered on the third ring, obviously seeing the caller ID and swooping to pick up the phone.

"Hey, Bella. What are ya up to on this beautiful Saturday afternoon?"

I couldn't help but giggle at her greeting. "Hi, Alice. I'm doing alright. How are you?"

"I'm great. Just bored stiff. My parents are out, and Edward is still sleeping, so I am just sitting here all alone. So what brings the pleasure of your call?"

"I was wondering if we could talk? I could really use someone to confide in, maybe get a little advice. There is really not any one else I would rather talk to than you, I just worry it might be a bit awkward."

She didn't waste any time responding. "Don't be silly, Bella. You can always talk to me. Now, what has your panties in a bunch?"

I hesitated for a moment. Could I really do this? "It's about your brother."

Before I could say anything else, she let out a loud squeal.

"Oh, this is going to be good! But we shouldn't talk on the phone. Give me fifteen minutes, and I will be over there."

"Alice, you really don't have to." I didn't get to finish my sentence, however, because the line was already dead. Alice was probably already running through her house grabbing her things to head over here. I sighed and put the phone back on the hook.

In exactly thirteen minutes, Alice was knocking at my door. I opened it and was surprised by how well put together she was. For someone who had not planned on going out today, she looked as though she had spent hours getting ready. I guess that was just Alice, always prepared to look good.

She made herself right at home, going straight to my couch and sitting down. I slowly made my way over to the cushions and sat at the opposite end of the seat. She turned her entire body facing me and looked at me expectantly. She was obviously eager to find out the scoop, but she was trying to let me take my time with it, which I appreciated.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally broke the ice. "This is certainly nice weather for Forks, don't you think?"

She rolled her eyes at my lame attempt to defer the conversation we both knew was about to happen.

"Bella, I did not come over here to talk about the weather. Tell me, what is going on. What has my brother done now?"

"Oh no, it's nothing like that. He hasn't really done anything per se. I just needed a girl's perspective on a few things. They are kind of... umm... private things so I understand if you don't want to talk about your brother that way. I just didn't know who else to call."

"Nonsense, Bella. I mean sure I don't want details, like what his come face looks like, but I am glad you called me. That's what friends are for, and I am here for you. So skim over the nitty-gritty details and tell me what is going on."

I was a little confused. "His _what_ face?"

She just waved her hand dismissively. "Never mind. Stop stalling, and talk to me."

"Okay, well... I guess I should start at the beginning. Jessica said some things."

Alice threw her hand up, to which I immediately stopped talking.

"Stop right there. Jessica is a jealous bitch. She wants what you have and she is pissed that she has never been, nor ever will be good enough to have it. You are way better than her, Bella. So don't even stoop to her level and let her get to you. Don't listen to anything she says. Seriously, it's not even worth repeating."

That actually made me feel better. I mean, sure, I knew most people didn't like Jessica, but hearing them say it every now and then reminded me she really was not a threat.

"Okay, well... secondly, last night, while Edward and I were alone together, in his room..."

I paused trying to think of how to word this properly. I decided to just get straight to the point.

"Alice, are you aware that people actually own pornography? Like keep it in drawers in their room?"

She burst out laughing. Like hysterically laughing while I sat there stunned wondering what on earth was so funny. When she finally calmed down a bit, and started wiping the tears from her eyes, she managed to look at my face. I guess she noticed that I didn't find this in the least bit funny, and she quickly tried to recover.

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh, but I just wasn't expecting that. To answer your question: yes, I am aware that people own porn and keep it in drawers, under beds, some even keep it in the bathroom."

I was shocked. "And this is normal?"

"Well, yeah... I guess it's normal for most guys. I know a lot of the more religious people frown upon it. Saying it is the same thing as lusting after another woman, which is a sin. I have heard some people take it to the extreme and have a sort of addiction to it. For the most part though, I believe it is harmless. Teenage guys fantasizing over women with big breast that they would never have a chance with. Basically it's just a way for them to get off."

I hated to ask but I wanted to be sure we were on the same page. "Get off, as in..."

Alice nodded in understanding.

"This doesn't bother you?" I had to ask. Maybe I was just different, or maybe it was all the times my father had preached against this, but it really bothered me knowing my guy was looking at naked women fantasizing about having sex with them. Alice seemed to think about this for a minute.

"Bella, everyone is different. Every person is going to have things that are a big deal to them and to others it will seem minor. A while back when Edward and I couldn't seem to get along at all, my mother had a talk with us. She said something that has always stuck with me. She said to choose your battles. If it is something you feel strongly about, then stand up for what you feel is right, but if it is something minor, then let it go. Think of it as a silver bullet. You only have a few and they are precious, so if you use it, make sure the situation is worth using it on."

"I understand, but I want to know how you feel personally. If it were Jasper who had magazines of naked women, would that bother you?"

"It wouldn't bother me to know he had them, no. I consider it a normal thing for teenage boys to have. Now, if he spent all of his time watching porn or put it before me, then yes, I would consider it a problem."

I could see she had a point. "I guess I can understand what you are saying."

"But Bella, you and I are two different people with different outlooks on life. If this is something that really bothers you, then you should talk to Edward about it."

"I will think about it. Thanks, Alice."

She gave me a sideways glance and I could tell by the look she was up to something.

"Bella, just out of curiosity, have you ever seen any type of pornography?"

I could feel my cheeks flush. "No, I asked Edward to show me some, but he wouldn't."

She laughed. "He must have been _so_ embarrassed. Well, if you are ever curious and want to know what it is like, you know, you can use the web browser on your phone. Because seriously, the internet is about 77% porn and another 20% blogs. Once you see porn and see how fake it all really seems, then it may not seem like such a big deal any more."

I couldn't look her in the eye. I can't believe she was suggesting I look at porn. "I will keep that in mind." I mumbled totally humiliated.

"I know this is hard for you so I will share a secret. The first time I gave a blow job, I had no idea what I was doing, and let's just say, it ended badly. I had heard other girls talk about it, but I didn't really know any, ummm... technique, shall we say. So before I embarrassed myself again, I decided to do some research and I watched a porn video, for educational purposes, so I could learn how to do it properly, you know."

How she managed to say any of that with a straight face I will never know. "Did it... uh help?"

"Yes," she said, as though she was answering a question as simple as if she liked chocolate.

Thankfully, she changed the subject, although I wasn't sure if I was ready for the next conversation.

"So was that all that was bothering you, or was there more?"

I could actually feel my cheeks burn I was blushing so hard. Again, I avoided eye contact and picked at the seat cushion on the couch. "There was one more thing," I finally offered.

She clapped her hands enthusiastically. "Bring on the girl talk."

"Well...we, umm kinda did something... on his bed. The two... that is, the we. I mean, Edward and I. "

I peaked up from my lashes to see her eyes wide and waiting.

"Well, what was it?" she asked.

"I... ummm," I cleared my throat. Suddenly, talking about this didn't seem like such a great idea.

"Bella, come on. You can tell me. We have all been there, uncertain and scared. Everyone needs someone to confide in. I promise I will never breath a word of any of this to any one."

"Okay, well. I'm not sure what we were doing... but he was on top of me, clothes on of course, and there was a lot of kissing and rubbing and my body practically exploded."

"So basically, dry humping," she said matter-of-factly. "Was that not okay? Did he rush you into it?"

"No, actually it was the other way around. He had said he thought we should stop and I practically begged him to continue." I hid my face in my hands." I feel like I was pressuring him to do things he didn't want to. I am such a bad person."

This time Alice laughed so hard she snorted. "Bella, sweetie, I can assure you that you did not pressure Edward into anything. He was probably hesitant because he was worried about you. Worried you would pick apart ever detail and stress out over it... kind of like you are doing now."

I peeked out through my fingers. "You really think so? "

She gently pulled my hands away from my face.

"I know so. Edward never does anything he doesn't want to."

She let this sink in for a moment before she popped her next question.

"So how was it then? Did you get off that way?"

I was taken back by her bluntness. "Well yeah I did .._get off_... but not by doing that. He had to stop because he said there would be a mess and..."

She held up her hand to stop me.

"Skip the small details on his part. I don't want to puke all over your couch."

I couldn't help the giggle that escaped. "Right, sorry. So he stopped and just... _got me off._"

And then it hit me. The thought had not crossed my mind until that very moment. He made sure to make me feel good, but I never even thought to return the favor. Not that I would have had the slightest idea how to but I could have at least offered.

"Oh crap! I didn't even think about him..." I trailed off.

"I wouldn't worry too much about that, I am sure he... uh handled it," she suggested.

I thought back. "Well, he did go to the bathroom, and he was gone for a little while."

"TMI! Bella, TMI!" Alice yelled, covering her ears.

I muttered a sorry, but my mind was racing with thoughts of Edward possibly going to the bathroom to jack off. Would he do that? Yes, he probably would go take care of it himself instead of putting me in awkward situation and bringing it to my attention.

"Alice, I do have one more question. It's just something I have been wondering about."

"Okay," she motioned for me to continue.

"Don't be upset with him, but Jasper told me you two have discussed past relationships. I guess I just don't understand why anyone would want to know about that. Wouldn't it be hurtful to talk about past things you have done with other people?"

"First, you should understand that every relationship is different. Everyone moves at their own pace. Just because Jasper and I do something does not mean it is the right thing for you and Edward to do. And just because Rose and Emmett do something, it may not be right for Jasper and me. And trust me Rose and Emmett are freakkkkyyy"

"That being said I think it is important before you are intimate with someone to discuss past encounters. For example, I asked Jasper if he had always worn protection. If he had not, then I would have wanted him to get tested before we moved any further. He wanted to know if I was on birth control and if I had made sure the guy wore a condom every time. Also, I think it's just human nature to want to know how many partners your boyfriend has been with. But you may not be to that point yet, and there is no need to rush it. Just remember to always take care of yourself!"

"Thank you for all of this, Alice. You have certainly given me a lot to think about. Now can we please do something else? I don't think I can take anymore talk about this stuff."

"Sounds like a good idea to me," she said, getting up off the couch and stretching.

We spent the next few hours me baking some cookies and her organizing my closet... again. I was so blessed to have Alice in my life. I truly don't know what I would do without her.

Edward texted me later that afternoon letting me know he had just woken up and that he was going to Emmett's to play video games for a while. He told me to text him back when Charlie was not around no matter what time it was.

It was ten thirty Saturday night before I was able to text him. I had told Charlie I was going to bed at nine, but I waited until I could no longer hear him stirring around and I was sure he was asleep before I began my text conversation with Edward.

_Sorry it too so long. The coast is finally clear. What are you doing? Are you still at Emmett's?_

It didn't take him long to reply. He was much faster at this texting thing than I was.

_I missed you today! Is your father asleep? Can you call me? I really need to hear your voice._

We didn't usually actually talk on the phone when Charlie was in the house. I was too paranoid I would get caught. But I could understand where he was coming from. I really wanted to hear his voice too, even if it was only for a few minutes. And so, I quickly went to the closet in my room, shut the door and got comfortable on the floor. I dialed his number and he answered on the first ring.

"Hey, beautiful."

I was grinning like a idiot, thankful he couldn't see me.

"Hello yourself, handsome."

He chuckled lightly. "So, what have you been up to all day?"

"The same old stuff. Cleaning, cooking, studying. Alice came over for a bit earlier. What have you been doing all day?"

"Not much, just thinking about you." And I was grinning like a fool again.

"It seems really loud there. Are you still at Emmett's?"

"Yeah, give me a sec and I will find somewhere quieter."

I heard him yell to the other voices that he was stepping outside. I could tell the moment he got outside because it got dramatically quieter.

"That's better, now you have my undivided attention."

"So are you beating Emmett at the video games?" I asked . Not that I really cared, but I wanted him to know I was interested in what he was doing.

"You know it. Well, I was earlier, but then Rose showed up and demanded his attention, so now I'm just sitting around shooting the shit with the guys."

I wondered if there were any other girls there, but I didn't want to sound like a jealous girlfriend by asking. It was quiet for a while before he spoke.

"Bella, is everything alright?"

I quickly tried to assure him everything was fine. "Yes, of course. I just miss you."

"I miss you too, baby. I can't wait until I get to see you tomorrow at church," he said, and it sounded sincere, which made me feel better. "Did you have a nice visit with Alice?"

I was glad he wasn't asking me this face to face, because I'm sure my embarrassment would show.

"Yes, It was great!"

"Oh, really? So what did you talk about?"

He never asked me things like that, so I could tell that he was fishing for something. I was so busted. But Alice had promised she wouldn't say anything. I tried to give a vague answer.

"Just normal girl stuff. Nothing you would be interested in."

He quickly replied, "I am always interested in anything that involves you."

Despite his play-it-cool demeanor, he was so not dropping this. Should I just tell him I talked to his sister about our personal stuff? I was starting to panic. Would he be upset, or would he shrug it off as no big deal.

"It's alright, Bella. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He sounded hurt.

"It's not that I don't want to tell you. It was just kind of personal," I offered, hoping that would appease his curiosity.

"Okay," he replied.

"Okay," I followed.

And then it was silent. This was incredibly awkward. I didn't want to hide things from Edward. We had agreed to always be honest with each other.

"Edward, I asked Alice to come over so I could talk to her about... umm, what happened between us last night. Please don't be upset. We didn't talk about... ahhh... details, and she promised she wouldn't say anything, I just needed a girl to talk to, and she really is the best friend I have."

"Oh, okay..." he cleared his throat. "Bella, I'm not upset. I understand girls talk about... stuff. I was just worried something was wrong because Alice didn't mention seeing you today, and usually she loves to rub it in my face that she spent time with you when I didn't."

Great, so he was just worried about me and of course me being me was paranoid and spilled everything. It is clear I could never work in the secret service.

"Well about last night, was that... ummm, okay... for you. I mean did you enjoy it?" He suddenly sounded very nervous.

My entire body started feeling warm just thinking about it. "Yeah, it was much better than okay. Edward, you were amazing."

"Really?" He breathed heavily into the phone. "So would you, ah... want to do that again?"

"Oh god, yes!" I said a little too loudly.

"Fuck," he then said quietly. "Bella, can we please talk about something else?"

I was confused. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Just thinking about last night, and hearing you talk about it is going to make me incredibly hard. That's just not something I need right now, especially when I can't even kiss you."

That reminded me of something. I guess this was as good a time as any to bring it up. It would probably be easier if I didn't have to say this while looking at him.

"Edward, about last night... I, ummm... I wanted to apologize. I 'm sorry I didn't reciprocate for you. I honestly didn't even think about it until today, and I feel horrible."

"Bella, don't be silly. You don't ever have to apologize for that. I didn't expect anything in return. I just wanted you to feel good. I can assure you that you made me feel incredible."

"Thank you, Edward. That means a lot to me. Still, I wish I had been able to do something for you."

"Angel, you do enough for me by just being you. Please remember, we are moving at your pace, whatever you feel comfortable with. I have no agenda or expectations. I promise I would be fine if all we did was kiss for the rest of our lives."

My mouth began speaking before my brain granted permission. "Well, I certainly hope we can do more than kiss. If last night is any indication of things to come, I can honestly say I am quite anxious."

Edward laughed loudly. "You are doing amazing things to my ego. It might be better though, if in the future, if we talk about what we want to happen, just so things don't get... carried away in the moment."

My man was the greatest and I beamed at him from the closet where I was hiding.

"I think that is a great idea. I still believe firmly that I want to keep my virginity until my wedding night, but I'm sure there are other things we can do without crossing that line."

"Sounds like lots of fun to me."

I could hear the smile in his voice, and I desperately wished I could kiss him right now. I could hear a door open and Emmett yell that Edward needed to get his ass back inside for a re-match.

"Sounds like Em is done giving Rose attention," I giggled.

"It's about damn time. I swear they were in his room for over a hour."

I hated to end our conversation, but I did need to get some sleep.

"I should get off of here anyway. I will see you tomorrow, I love you Edward."

"I love you too, angel. Sleep well and have sweet dreams."

I slept very well that night, and my dreams were filled of sweet visions of Edward. It was great to be able to see Edward on Sunday, but like every other Sunday, it was bittersweet because we couldn't interact with each other.

During the service, my father announced that the Cullens would be taking over the youth ministry and would be meeting with the youth at their house on Friday nights. After the service, I was standing with my father in the vestibule setting out the sign-up sheets for the True Love Waits classes that were to begin soon. Alice fluttered up and spoke loudly to make her presence know.

"Hey, Bella. I was wondering if I could ask you a huge favor?"

My father and I both turned to give her our attention. "Sure Alice, what is it?"

She huffed dramatically, and I immediately knew this was all for show.

"I am having the hardest time in my English class. I really need to keep my grades up so I can get into a good college." She stressed looking from me to Charlie than back to me. " I really need some help, and I know how good you are at it. I was wondering if you could come over Thursday after school to tutor me? I have a test Friday, and I really want to be prepared."

I gave her a strange look before turning to my father to ask his permission. Thankfully, Charlie didn't seem to notice Alice's overly dramatic acting skills.

"That seems fine, just make sure you are home in time to fix dinner."

"Sure thing. Thanks." I said, surprised he agreed, even though I still had to be home in time to fix dinner.

He handed me a stack of bulletins and asked me to take them to the car. I stacked them neatly in my arms and headed out the door, with Alice following close behind me. As soon as we were out of earshot, Alice stopped me and made sure to look me in the eye.

"Under no circumstances do you mention this to Edward. Do you understand? I need the house to be empty, and if he knows you will be there, then there is no way I will get him to leave."

I knew better than to argue with her, but I couldn't help but be a little concerned.

"I won't say anything, but what's going on?"

"It's a surprise. Just plan on riding home with me Thursday, and I will have you home early. What I have planned shouldn't take too long."

I hated surprises, but I was eager to see what Alice had up her sleeve. My week seemed to take forever. Not only was I looking forward to Thursday, but also Friday night at Edward's house.

Thursday finally rolled around. After school, I walked outside and kissed Edward goodbye just like I did every day. He told me Alice had demanded everyone be out of the house that day so she could decorate for Friday night. He thought it was stupid because he was sure no one would show up, but he planned a basketball game with a few of the guys anyway to give Alice her time.

Jacob honked his horn and yelled at Edward to hurry the hell up. He kissed me one more time, told me he loved me and to text him when I could. He then hopped in the car with Jacob, grumbling about how old the car was.

As soon as he was out of sight, Alice was by my side, dragging me to her car. She gave nothing away on the way to her house. Instead, she spent the ride talking about some new clothes she had gotten on a shopping trip yesterday.

When we made it to her house, she told me to go to her room and make myself comfortable. I headed up the stairs and fought against the urge to go into Edward's room. Instead, I went to Alice's and sat on the edge of her bed. She came in a few minutes later with some sodas. She handed me one and stood in front of me bouncing from one foot to the other. This was very odd behavior for Alice. I had never really seen her uncomfortable or nervous.

"Bella, I am doing this because I love you. I knew you would never agree to it on your own, so I had to set it up this way."

I was so confused. "What on earth are you talking about?"

Alice walked to the other side of her bed and ducked down to pull something out from underneath it.

When she stood back up, she held out a DVD case to me. Still uncertain of what was going on, I slowly took it from her and looked down at the cover. My jaw dropped in immediate shock. Alice wanted me to watch a porno video.

"Alice there is no way…"

I threw it to the bed and stood up, firmly making my way toward the door. Alice grabbed my wrist, halting my get-away.

"Bella, just listen to me. If, after you have heard all of my reasoning, you still fell strongly against it, then I will put it away and we will never speak of it again. But please, listen to me first."

Crossing my arms over my chest, I decided to at least hear what she had to say.

"Fine, Alice. You have three minutes but I can assure you, that nothing you can say is going to convince me to watch that."

"Okay..." she took a deep breath. "Just hear me out and have a open mind. The reasons why it is a good idea for you to at least watch a little bit of this video are simple. First, everyone should see porn at least once in their life. Second, it will help you decide if this is something that really is a silver bullet for you. How can you know if it should be a big deal if you have never seen it?"

She made a good point but I was still not convinced. I glanced at her clock to let her know she was on a time schedule and she continued.

"Third, although a lot of this is fake it will give you a visual and help you understand more of the details involved in sex and foreplay. And lastly... I found it when I was snooping in Edward's room."

And she had me. I was definitely interested in finding out what turned Edward on. I uncrossed my arms, rolled my eyes and walked to her bed plopping down with a loud huff.

"Alice, you have to _swear_ to never tell anyone, including Jasper, about this."

Alice jumped up excitedly. "I swear, cross my heart!"

She popped the video in the DVD player, and so our journey began. At first, I was freaked out. I have never seen so many naked men and women in my life. And the things they were doing, oh sweet Jesus, I was going to have to pray for them tonight. Like Alice said, however, a lot of it did seem fake. I was not believing for one minute that these women were feeling anything close to what Edward made me feel the other night.

I guess it was somewhat educational. I could see why Alice would watch something like this to learn what to do in certain situations. During the oral sex scene, Alice played commentary and explained why she was doing the things she was doing. Like not using her teeth, and pumping him at the base when she couldn't fit the whole thing in her mouth to prevent gagging. Not that I would be doing anything thing like that any time soon. Still, I suppose it was good to know for future reference.

Strangely, instead of feeling embarrassed, I burst out laughing which caused Alice to laugh in return and the tension was broken. We spent most of the movie making fun of the actors and laughing at the fakeness of it all. After the video ended, I had to voice my concern.

"Alice those... umm, errr... penises seemed very very large."

Alice giggled. "Don't get your hopes up, they come in all shapes and sizes. Unfortunately most are no where near what you just saw."

I was a bit relieved. "That is probably a good thing."

"Yeah," she agreed. "Probably. So what did you think? How do you feel about the whole porn issue now?"

"Honestly, I guess I don't get it. I mean I don't see how that could turn someone on, unless it's just because of the women on there. I mean they were all beautiful bodies, tan and curvy with big breasts, and quite, ummmm... limber. "

"Oh sweetie," Alice said pulling me into a hug. "You are totally over-thinking this."

"You are probably right." I agreed half-heartedly.

"I really need to get home, so I can get dinner started. I don't want to give Charlie a reason to not let me come here tomorrow night."

"Of course. Let me sneak this back into Edward's room and I will meet you at the car." She said while ejecting the DVD.

The short ride to my house was spent in a comfortable silence. When we pulled into my driveway, I started to get out, but then turned back towards Alice.

"Thank you for today. You are a great friend. Actually you are the best friend I have ever had. As uncomfortable as it was in the beginning, I do understand why you wanted me to watch it. And if on some off chance one day I do decide to give a blow job, I will remember everything you taught me."

Alice laughed and pulled me into a hug. "You are the best friend I have ever had to. And if on some off -chance my brother is the lucky guy you decide to give that blow job to, I _do_ not want to hear about it. Do you understand me?"

I hurried to make dinner and clean up afterwards. I made my way to my room as quickly as I could, needing some time alone. I didn't want to "over-think things" like Alice had said, but I couldn't help but wonder why Edward was with me. I was the complete opposite of the women on that video. Obviously, if that is what he uses to get off, then those are the kind of women he finds attractive. This thought started to permeate my mind more and more as the night progressed.

I didn't sleep well at all that night, and I woke in a horrible mood on Friday. I was a grouch all during school, snapping at Mike when he asked me a question during math and ignoring Edward during English. All I could think about was how Edward would never find me attractive like he did those women. It was giving me more and more of an inferiority complex. Not that I really needed the help.

By the time lunch came, I was in complete bitch mode. Edward walked with me to the cafeteria asking if I was aright. I told him I was fine, but he still seemed skeptical. He sat by me at the lunch table like usual. Everyone around us was carrying on conversations, but I seemed to be in a fog, lost in my own thoughts. Edward brought me back to reality when he placed his hand on my thigh and started rubbing circles. This was new, not unwelcome, but still new.

Alice asked the group collectively if they were coming to the youth meeting at her house tonight.

"Not a chance in hell," Jacob said while stuffing half a sandwich in his mouth.

Alice went into whiny mode. "Come on guys, this will never work if no one shows up."

Before anyone else could comment, someone's cell phone dinged signaling a message. It still amazed me that everyone carried cell phones at school. Another fact that made this so entirely different from the schools I was used to. Jacob pulled out his phone and flipped it open.

"Oh, I am so forwarding this," he started laughing, spitting out bits of his food.

A few seconds later dings and alerts could be heard all along the table. Emmett read his text and started laughing along with a few others. Rose peeked over his shoulder and rolled her eyes muttering "perv".

Edward pulled his cell out of the pocket opposite me. He flipped it open, never ceasing his rubbing of my thigh. He chuckled lightly, but when I leaned over to see what was so funny, he snapped his phone shut and shoved it back in his pocket. I was taken back by the abruptness of his actions.

"I want to see what's so funny," I said just in case he didn't see me trying to look.

He shook his head. "It's nothing."

I was shocked. I could not believe he'd just done that, decided for me what I could and could not see. He quickly tried to change the subject, addressing the table again. But I was so not letting this go.

"So about tonight, seriously. If you could just come by, even for a little while, it would really help my parents," he explained to the rest of the group who really weren't buying it.

"Why don't you want me to see the message you got on your phone?" I said a little too loudly, and suddenly everyone's attention was on me.

Jasper leaned across the table talking quietly. "Bella, just let it go."

I could not believe this. So now Jasper was on Edward's side? I snapped right back, giving him a evil glare.

"Jasper, this really does not concern you."

He held both hands up in surrender before leaning back to his side of the table. I turned back to Edward expectantly. He continued to avoid my gaze and just stared at his food. Emmett clearly having no idea what was going on decided to break the ice.

"Dude, just show it to her. It's just a guy getting head, no big deal."

Edward cut his eyes to Emmett and said between gritted teeth. "Drop it."

"No, Edward. It's okay. Just consider it dropped. Consider all of this dropped," I said while pushing my chair back and grabbing my bag of food.

I stalked to the garbage pail, threw my food away and walked out the door. I didn't want to look at any of them a minute longer. I could hear Edward call me from down the hall but I kept walking until I was out the school doors.

I had no idea where I was going. I just knew I was angry and I needed to be alone. I finally decided to go to the back of the school. Students rarely went back there, and it had special meaning to me. That's where Edward had told me how he felt and asked me to be his girlfriend. Maybe being there again would put me in a better mood. As I was rounding the last corner, I heard Edward right behind me.

"Bella, wait. Please stop and talk to me."

I stopped dead in my tracks and spun around to face him.

"You want to talk, fine we can talk. Why wouldn't you show me the text message?"

He seemed taken back by my hostility, but he didn't back down. "I really don't see what the big deal is. Seriously it was a stupid forwarded text. Why are you so mad about this?"

"I am mad because you feel the need to hide it from me!"

"Bella!" he yelled my name then pinched the bridge of his nose before taking a few breaths. He spoke much calmer this time. "Baby, I am not hiding anything from you. I thought you would find it offensive. If you really want to see a guy shoot his load in some girl's mouth and then have it come out her nose, then by all means, here you go." He pulled his phone out to hand to me.

"That is disgusting! I have no desire to see that," I said throwing my hands in the air.

"I know, which is why I didn't show you," he said, like I should understand his actions.

"But you find that funny?" I questioned.

"No, not really, no. Okay, well... kinda, yeah... but it was still gross and wrong and disgusting." He was stumbling over his words. "Bella, what is this really about?"

My voice was rising and I couldn't help it. I was so angry and this text thing was just the tip of the ice berg. "You just don't get it!"

"Apparently, I don't. So please tell me, Bella, so I can try to understand."

My hands went to my hips. I was determined I was doing this now.

"Edward, how many girls have you had sex with?"

"What?" Yep, he was completely shocked. I had a feeling he would be whenever I finally brought the subject up. "Bella, where the fuck is this coming from?"

"I want to know. It's a simple question."

"We are not having this conversation." He shook his head. "Not here, not like this."

"Oh, we are having this fucking conversation." Yeah, I said fuck, but in this situation in this moment I think it is allowable. "And then we are going to have the conversion about how I will never be able to measure up to the women on your video The Cum Zone."

**Yeah I did end it there....Sorry....But the next chapter is completely done, I am going to read it over one more time and send it to my beta tonight :) Should be up in a week or so.**

**I did actually get a text like that....it was nasty, but I thought it would fit in the story.**

**Cum Zone is a actual Porno Video.......Don't ask how I know this :)**

****************Okay important Note......I wrote, well I am writing, it's almost done...a out take of sorts in Edward's Dick POV. It is just a silly thing I did for fun. It in no way has any significance to the story. He just wanted to be heard lol. Anyway I don't want to offend anyone cause he is a little raunchy, so I am not going to post it in the out takes. If you want it, leave me a review and let me know. If you don't want it still leave me a review, but tell me you do not want it*******************************

**Rec this week**

**Her Ivory Tower by RachelMyBell....it is so good! Go read it!**

**Okay that's all I really have to say...sorry for all the long A/N....~Please Review~**

**Random Girl Awayyyyy.....(I totally stole that but thought it was cute, thanks sicily volterra)**


	21. Chapter 21

**I do not own Twilight.....**

****************Fic's for Nashville / Nashville Flood Relief**************siouxchef and einfich mich are asking for your help. I am sure you have seen the news, if not google it people. Twenty one have perished, Twenty seven counties have been declared disaster areas. This hits close to home for me, cause well Tennessee is right around the corner from South Carolina and I was actually born in Tenn and still have a lot of family there.**

**You can donate $5.00 to the flood relief effort of your choice, e-mail your receipt to ficsfornashville (at) gmail (dot) com, and you will receive a compilation of fanfics from your favorite authors. Yes I have a one shot that will be included in the compilation. If you want more information just msg me :)******************************************************

**Thanks to my amazing Beta ManiacMotherland.**

**I had a great response from The Peen-POV. Thanks to all who read it, and those who had very positive things to say about it! I had a blast writing it, and I'm pretty sure ManiacMotherland did to. It's not every day we get to think like a penis, and it was kinda fun :)**

**It has been brought to my attention that many of you didn't know I had some outtakes up for this story.....So yeah I have outtakes up for this story, check out my home page and you will see them :)**

**Some of you have been 'cough' letting me know nicely 'cough' that I have not been updating as frequently. I know this, and I am working on it. My goal (and I use that term lightly) is to update on Sundays. It may not be every single Sunday, but that's what I'm shooting for. It just depends on what is going on in RL, how well behaved my kids are, how hectic work is, and if I can slow down long enough too write a chapter. But just know that every free minute I have I am working on it. If you get to anxious, just let me know and I will send you a teaser :)**

**Chapter 21 **

**EPOV**

Somewhere deep down inside, I knew I should be taking this seriously. There was no doubt in my mind that Bella was pissed, but I wasn't entirely sure why she was so mad, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from asking her if it was that time of the month or something. I know girls hate when you mention that shit. But seriously what the fuck was her problem?

It seemed so unlike her to get this riled up over a text message. Which led me to believe there was something more to it. I was trying to focus on the point here, and the point was that she was pissed, and like it or not, I was getting the blunt end of her anger. As hard as I was trying to keep my cool with her, she really had pushed my buttons and I was starting to lose my temper.

She then asked me if I found the text funny. What the fuck kind of question was that? And how the hell am I supposed to answer it? I'm a guy. We always find that kind of shit funny. Again, I have no idea what the big deal was.

That's when she did the unthinkable. Out of the blue she asked how many girls I had been with. Where the fuck did she come up with the idea that I wanted to talk about this with her? We were so not going there. Not now, and hopefully not any time soon. This is why I never wanted a girlfriend, I muttered to myself. There is just way too much fucking drama.

I told her we were definitely not having that conversation. I knew at some point it would come up and we would have to talk about it. But I thought that would be way, way… _way _down the road.

But Bella, as stubborn as ever, placed her hands on her hips. I knew she meant business.

"Oh, we are having this fucking conversation," she huffed. "And then we are going to have the conversion about how I will never be able to measure up to the women on your video The Cum Zone."

I stood perfectly still. Frozen in time, shocked as hell. And then I laughed. Not a smirk or a chuckle but a full-out belly laugh. I couldn't help it. I laughed, and I laughed hard. She was just too damn cute.

Sadly, she didn't find any of this in the least bit funny. She stomped her foot and demanded, "What the hell is so funny, Edward? Why are you laughing at me?"

I could see that this was only adding fuel to the fire, and I tried. I really did try to stop laughing. But it took me another minute to calm down. When I was able to gain my composure a bit, it was like a lightbulb went off in my head.

"Wait, how did you even _know _about the video?" I was running scenarios through my head, but I couldn't think of anytime that I'd ever said anything to Bella about the porn videos I had stashed under the bed in my room.

Her eyes flashed recognition and then she looked sheepish. She obviously had not meant to start this part of the conversation. The part where she admitted to snooping around my room while I was gone.

"That's not really the point!" she spat.

"Well then, Bella, please tell me what the point is. Because I have no fucking idea. Where is all of this coming from? Why are you so upset?

She didn't answer, but I could see the tears forming in her eyes. This is not what I wanted. Why do I always seem to be messing up with this girl? I could see her walls coming down so I made my move, hoping like hell she didn't hit me. I moved slowly towards her and pulled her to my chest. I wrapped my arms tightly around her. I could feel her body tremble and heard her sobs. I just held her tighter hoping I could show her that I was there for her, comforting her, loving her. When I could tell she was calming down, I pulled away slightly. I used my thumbs to brush her tears away. I leaned down to kiss her forehead and whispered in her ear.

"Shhh, Bella. I am so sorry. I never want to make you cry. But baby, you really need to tell me what is going on in that pretty head of yours, because I am so lost here. I'm not a mind-reader."

She sniffled a few times. "I just... I…" she began and then stopped again. She started shaking her head back and forth like she had no intention of continuing.

"Bella, please talk to me. Tell me how to fix this," I begged.

"I don't even know where to start."

I gently tucked her hair behind her ears and slid my finger under her chin to make her look at me.

"Just start from the beginning."

"Fine! I'm scared Edward. I'm afraid because I am not good enough for you. I know it, most of the school knows it, and it is just a matter of time before you see it too. And where does that leave me? Broken and miserable. I love you. God, I love you so much. And I just don't think I will be able to handle it when you finally see that you can do so much better."

I was shocked. "Bella, you are so wrong. It's you who is to good for me. I promise you, that everything you feel, I feel it too. I keep waiting for the day you will wake up and realize what a lost cause I am. Waiting for the day that all my bullshit is just too much to handle and you walk away."

"Edward, you are _not_ a lost cause. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I just don't understand what you can see in me. Especially when you can have girls as pretty and perfect as Jessica or Tanya any time you want them."

"See, that's where you are wrong, Bella. I don't want them. They were there for me to pass the time with. God I wish I could go back in time and erase everything I ever did with any other girl that wasn't you. They meant nothing to me and that is why I never made any type of commitment to them. You, on the other hand, you are worth it to me. And just so you know, you are by far the most attractive, smart, loving, and kind woman who I have ever met."

"Really?" she asked, sniffling again.

"Yes, really. You beautiful, silly, overly sensitive girl."

"Then why the porn? Because from what I have seen, I am nothing like those women. If that's what you find attractive, and what you need to get off... then I think you will be very disappointed with me."

I had no idea where all this self-doubt was coming from, but it was starting to grate on my nerves.

"Fuck, Bella, how many times do I have to say it? _You_ are what I want. I find you attractive. I have a hard on 90% of the time that we are together." I threw my arms up in frustration. What did she want from me, to be a robot? " I have the porn so I can jack off and release some tension, so I am not a total dick and pawing at you 24/7."

She seemed a little taken back by my declaration, but it didn't deter her.

"I just can't help but feel that, if that's what you like, those types of women…. tan, curvy, big breast, then you will be disappointed with me," she whispered. 'I wonder if you are comparing me to them, or to the other girls you have been with."

"Bella, you need to understand. I can't go back and change my past. I would in a heartbeat if I could, but I can't. All I can do is start over fresh and new with you and try my hardest to be the kind of man you deserve. And just for the record, I would never compare you to anyone else. Everything that I do with you is new and exciting for me. Yeah, I may have done the acts before but there was never any feeling or emotion there. But with you… I feel so much, sometimes it's overwhelming."

God that was embarrassing to admit. Enough with the sappy shit. I needed to change direction here.

"Besides, I really didn't know the porn was a big deal. You should've told me sooner. I will throw it all out if you want. You're way more important to me than all that shit. Honestly, I haven't even used it in over a week."

She gave me a confused look. "Why not?"

I just shrugged. "I haven't needed it. Because I have the mental picture of you writhing and whimpering on my bed while I make you come burnt into my brain. And that is the hottest thing I have ever seen. Bar none. Way better than any fake porno moaning and groaning."

Of course she blushed, because that's what she fucking does. And holy hell she's hot when she does it.

"Was that all that was bothering you? Or was there more?" I hoped to God that was it, I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

She took a deep breath. "The text."

Shit, I had already forgotten about that. "Okay, what about it upset you?."

"Edward, here's the thing, I know you thought it was crude or whatever and that's why you didn't want me to see it. But I have spent my entire life with people sheltering me, telling me what I can and cannot do or say or see, even where I can and cannot go and who I go there with. So I don't need that from you too. I want to be your equal. Not someone you shelter. Right or wrong, I'm tired of being sheltered."

She did make a good point. "I'm sorry, I honestly didn't think of it that way. I don't want to be anything like your father, and I will try very hard not to do that to you."

"Thank you, I know you are trying and I really appreciate it. This is just all so new."

"This is just as new for me. I feel like I am constantly fucking up, but all I want is to make you happy." I told her honestly.

"You do make me happy. It's just me, I feel so insecure when I am around you."

This girl obviously had no clue of the voodoo spell she had me under.

"You have no reason to feel that way. I love you Bella, and that is not going to change."

She reached up to give me a kiss. It started out soft and sweet but quickly turned into something that could probably star in a porn video all on its own. Me pushing her up against the wall, pressing my body up against her. Her moaning loudly and pulling at my hair. I knew I needed to pull away. This was not appropriate behavior for school grounds, but each time I was this close and kissing Bella, it got harder to stop.

When my hands began roaming and landed on her ass without my permission, I knew I was in trouble. My right hand slid down her thigh on it own accord. She lifted her leg slightly and I used it to my advantage. I ran my hand to the back of her knee and lifted her leg up to hook it over my hip. This gave me great leverage and put us impossibly closer. My dick was hard and I had no shame in grinding it against her. Her hands moved from my hair to my back where I could feel her lightly scratching through my shirt. It was when she began trailing kisses down my neck that I almost lost my mind. She had never been this bold before and her lips on my skin felt absolutely fucking amazing. I pressed against her a little harder making sure she could feel the effect she was having on me. She released my neck and made this sound that went straight to my dick, then she moaned my name. Hearing that sound, my name on her lips, my dick almost attempted to unzip my pants and get out on his own to have Bella touch him. But he wasn't making a break if I could help it. I knew I had to stop this, so I reluctantly started to unravel myself from the embrace.

"We should really head back in," I pulled away, barely breathing. "Everyone is gonna begin to wonder where we are and start to worry."

"Yeah," she said, gasping for air herself. "We should go back in. And not just because people will start to talk."

I stepped away and untucked my shirttail to cover up "my problem". Bella giggled at my attempt.

"This…" I said, pointing to my still very evident erection. "This is not funny."

She lifted the hem of my shirt to get a closer inspection.

"I just still can't believe I can cause that reaction from you."

"Well you do, and quite often." I said stepping away and grabbing her hand.

We began walking and it was very fucking uncomfortable with a boner. "Bella talk to me about something random to get my mind off of me having you pressed up against the wall with you scratching me and panting my name."

Again she giggled "When I was little I had a dog, Her name was Daisy. She escaped one day, and I was so upset, I went all over the neighborhood looking for her. When I found her she was ummm... 'doing it' with another dog in my neighbor's yard. I tried to get her to come to me but she wouldn't. I ran inside to get Jasper. He tried to fetch her as well, but they were apparently stuck together. He got the water hose and sprayed it on them until they could break apart."

Well, that was definitely random. But thinking about dogs and sex made me think of doing Bella doggy-style and that definitively didn't help my problem.

She continued, obviously not knowing my mind was already in the gutter.

"That's what I think about when I see how… ummmm, large you are. I wonder if it could get stuck."

I had to stop. Pull her into a hug. "God, I love you Bella. You just gave me the greatest compliment ever without even knowing it. But just so you know, that's not really possible, for humans I mean."

She seemed to think about that for a minute. "Well, that's good to know."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Now, complete subject change, nothing involving sex."

Her next topic of conversation was on a essay she was writing for history. Although the sound of her voice did crazy things to me, the topic was boring as hell and served its purpose to fix my problem. We made it back in the school just as the bell was ringing. The rest of the day passed as usual. No more drama, which I was eternally grateful for.

After school, I met Bella out in the parking lot. I gave her a proper goodbye, and asked to her try to come over to my house early so we could have some alone time before the youth meeting. Much to my surprise, she was able to come over a hour early. She had told her father she wanted to help my mom and Alice set up for the meeting. Of course, she did offer to help when she arrived. But my mother, God love her, shooed Bella a way, telling her she had it all under control and that Bella should go find me instead.

Like I was that hard to find. I was practically stalking her at that point., in my own house. I ushered her as quickly as possible to my room and shut the door.

Bella looked a little uncomfortable. "What's wrong?"

"Are we uhhh, allowed to be in here? With the door shut and all?"

I quirked a eyebrow and gave her my signature smirk. "Yes, Bella, we are allowed."

I grabbed her hand and gently tugged her toward the bed. "I wanted to talk to you about a few things."

She sat down squirming a bit until she was comfortable. "Sure, what's on your mind?"

"It's about today." I started and looked in her eyes to gauge her reaction. She seemed to be fine so I continued. "Look, this is new for both of us. I get that we don't really know what the hell we are doing and it's all kind of trial and error here."

Again I stopped to make sure she was following me. She nodded her head in understanding.

"That being said, I feel like we are setting our relationship up for failure before it even begins. We both seem so worried about how the other will react if we say or do the wrong thing. I feel like you hold back from me. Like with the porn. Bella, if it bothered you, then you should have talked to me sooner. Before it had time to build up and blow up like that."

"I agree. I just worry that you will take it as nagging. And you hold back from me as well. Like with the text. You are afraid of how I react, so you hide it from me."

"First, I wouldn't have thought you were nagging. Trust me, I will tell you if I'd felt that way. And second, I wasn't hiding it. But I do get what you are saying. I could have just showed it to you, you could have rolled your eyes, said that was disgusting and that would have been the end of it."

Her smile lit her face. "Yes, that is exactly how it should have been handled."

"Good. So this all changes right now. We promise to be honest if something is bothering either of us, not bottling it up waiting for it to explode. And we promise to talk about everything, even if it seems small at the time."

"Agreed. I really do want us to work Edward, and I feel terrible about how I handled things today."

"It is water under the bridge. Now come here," I said while reaching out to her.

She looked at me a bit skeptical, obviously remembering the last time we were alone in my bed.

"Edward, your parents are here!"

I rolled my eyes. "I just want to lie down on the bed with you, hold you. No funny business, I promise."

She complied, crawling up to my body. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her until she was practically laying on top of me. She settled her thigh between my legs, wrapped her arm around my abdomen, and sighed as she rested her head on my chest.

I began stroking her hair down her back, enjoying the feel of her soft strands. "This is nice."

"Very nice," she agreed.

"So did anyone question you about my freak out today?" She asked while tracing the buttons of my shirt over my stomach.

"Nah, no one said anything. I think all the fights Rose and Emmett have had makes everyone immune to relationship drama. They all know it's best to stay out of it."

"That's good. We have enough issues on our own. We don't need anyone else adding to them."

I slightly raised the hem of her shirt so I could run my fingers along the small of her back. Nothing sexual intended. I just wanted to feel her skin.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, I decided to ask something that had been on my mind. "Bella, what do you plan to do after we graduate? "

I felt her shrug her shoulders. "I haven't really thought much about it. Maybe do something in the mission field. I would love to go to somewhere like Africa and help people less fortunate than we are."

That caught me a little off-guard. She never said what I expected, but I could totally picture her in Africa or some remote country helping the people there. It never ceased to amaze me at how big her heart was. She was always willing to put others before herself.

"What about you? Do you have any big plans?" she asked, shifting slightly so she could look at me.

"Nothing set in stone. I have considered medical school. Who knows, maybe I will end up in Africa with you, doing surgeries and shit."

This caused her to laugh loudly. "What the hell is so funny about that?" I grumbled in reply.

"Edward, you do realize that you would have no phone, or Internet, or video games, or even hot showers for that matter. I don't see that really being your scene."

This caused me to re-think my idea a little. "You are probably right."

I decided not to dwell on this issue. I couldn't think about Bella and I being separated right now. I just wanted to enjoy our moment.

"Hey, I wanted to ask you something?" she said so quietly that I barely heard her. I gave her my full attention waiting for her to continue.

"The other night, when you called me from Emmett's. There seemed to be a lot of people there," she fished around.

"Yeah, a few." I answered, waiting for the question I knew she was going to ask.

"Well, I just wondered. Were there any girls there?"

"Nah, just a few guys hanging out. Well, except for Rose, and she didn't stay long. Just long enough to get her, ummmm… get her fix and then she left shortly after."

"Oh, okay," she said and laid her head back on my chest.

"Would it have bothered you if there had been other girls there?" I asked, slightly happy that she was showing a jealous side. She seemed to think hard about this before she answered.

"No, I don't think so. I trust you Edward, and I do believe you when you say you will be faithful to me. After today I can honestly say I feel a lot more secure in our relationship. That doesn't mean I want all the girls throwing themselves at you, and I want you to tell me if anything inappropriate ever happens, but honestly I trust you. "

She lifted up to look at me again. "You don't even have to throw your porn out. I think I may have overreacted a little about it."

I couldn't help but smirk at her. "You think?"

She laughed softly." Yes, maybe just a little bit. I talked to Jasper this afternoon and he kinda helped explain a guy's perspective on the issue."

"Well, you are a little too late with your revelation. I already threw it out. All of it, except for the videos, because they weren't mine to get rid of."

Then, like a lightning bolt, it hit me. But before I could ask my question, Bella spoke up.

"They aren't yours? Whose are they then?"

"Yeah, about that, Bella… how did you know about the video in the first place?"

Her cheeks started blushing. "You first, Edward. If the videos aren't yours, then whose are they?"

"Jacob's. He brought them over a few months ago when his sister was visiting from college because she was staying in his room. He told me I could watch them, but I never did. I knew what he did with them and the fucker probably didn't even wash his hands before he put the disc back in the case. I had no desire to touch his crusty DVD's."

I gave her a devilish look "Now your turn."

She covered her face in her hands. She was totally humiliated. If I was being a true gentleman, I would tell her not to worry about it, that it wasn't important. But my curiosity was killing me and I needed to know how she found out about The Cum Zone.

"It wasn't my idea. Alice tricked me. She was concerned that I had never seen any type of porn, so she snuck in your room and found the video. And, well… she thought once I'd seen how fake it was that maybe it wouldn't seem like such a big deal." She stopped, but I could tell there was more she wanted to say, so I waited patiently.

"She also thought it would be kind of educational for me to watch. That it would explain things, provide a visual of how things kind of work."

I tried to stifle my laughter, but it was hopeless. This was just too fucking much.

"So, let me get this straight… you watched a porno… with my sister… for educational purposes." She nodded her head yes and I continued. "And so, tell me Bella. Did you find the video 'educational'?"

"In a way, I guess," she sighed into my chest. "Only thing, it kind of backfired, because I thought that those were the kind of women that you wanted and It made me feel self conscious knowing I will never look or act like them."

"Bella, you know that you are what I want right? I find you unbelievably attractive. You are beautiful inside and out, and I couldn't ask for anyone better."

"I know that now," she said as she scooted up to softly kiss me.

Before we could get too far into our make-out session, however, my door flew open and in walked in a very distressed looking Jacob.

Bella pulled back from the kiss, but I held her to me not wanting her to get too far away. Why didn't I remember to lock my fucking door?

"Dude, what the fuck? Do you_ not_ know how to knock?"

"What does it matter if I knock or not? It's not like you are getting any action," Jake shot right back.

Cocky motherfucker. That was the new thing the guys liked to give me hell about. My lack of sexual gratification. Bella was very open about her commitment to wait until marriage before having sex, so they all knew I wasn't getting any thing in that department.

"Still, you should fucking knock," I mumbled, knowing he did have a valid point and not really liking it too much. Still, I wanted some privacy. The least I could ask for, all things considered.

"Whatever. But listen, man. I need to talk to you. And it's kinda..." he trailed off and looked at Bella. "It's kinda personal."

Bella got the hint and started to get up.

"I can just go downstairs and help your mom."

I held onto her tightly. "Hell no! Jake, you can either say it in front of Bella or wait until she leaves tonight, but this is our time alone together, the only time we get together alone all week, and Bella is not leaving."

He seemed unsure if he should continue or not, so I added in a little more to convince him.

"I am just going to tell Bella anyway after you leave, so you might as well say it now in front of her."

"Fine, fine! Whatever! Listen, I need some advice and it really can't wait." He took a deep breath and turned away so he was not facing us. "The other night I was with Jessica. A few hours later, we decided to go for seconds, only I didn't have any more condoms, you see. She assured me that she was on the pill, and so I decided to go bareback."

My eyes widened. Surely, he was not that stupid. "No way ."

"Yeah well, I figured what could one time hurt right? At least that's what I thought until today when she came to tell me she had fucking chlamydia and I needed to go get tested."

I couldn't help but laugh. "That's what you get man for fucking her bareback. You ever heard the saying, 'You lay with dogs, you are going to get fleas'? What the hell were you thinking, Jacob?"

Jake shrugged. "Obviously, I wasn't thinking. At least not with my brain. And besides, you have laid down with the same bitch, so you're lucky you don't have same fleas, far as I can tell."

"Yeah, but at least I made sure to wrap it up before I stuck it to her."

As soon as I said those words, I immediately regretted it. I felt Bella stiffen in my arms, and I could only imagine how uncomfortable this conversation was for her. I decided to get off the topic of who I had stuck it to, and focus instead on Jacob's problem.

"Look, it's really not that big of a deal. You go in, get tested. If it comes back positive then you have to take some pills and not have sex for a few weeks. I can talk to my dad and see if he can get you a appointment as discreetly as possible."

Jake seemed a little more relaxed but not completely convinced.

"So you really think it will be okay? Like my dick won't fall off or anything? 'Cause I really can't lose my dick, man. I don't know what I would do if that happened."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"No man, your dick won't fall off. I'm not sure of all the symptoms but I know it's pretty common. You can even get it from oral sex. At least that's what my dad said once during one of his sex talks when I was pretending not to listen. You can talk to my dad about the details. I am sure he would be happy to explain it all to you, then give you a lecture about safe sex."

"I don't think I need the lecture. I have certainly learned my fucking lesson. But I think I will go talk to him. Alone preferably. Is he here?"

I nodded. "Yeah, he should be downstairs."

Jake got up and headed to the door.

"Shut the door behind you, and fucking knock next time!" I yelled to his retreating form.

He was gone, door shut behind him, and suddenly it was awkward. I needed to think of something to say fast, but my mind was blank.

"Well, that was certainly enlightening." Bella's words were muffled into my chest.

"Hey, sorry about that. I had no idea that was what he wanted to talk about. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

She lifted off my chest to shake her head. "No, it's fine. Just unexpected."

She hesitated a minute before looking in my eyes. "So have you ever had.... anything like that?"

"What? Like a STD?" I was a little shocked at her question, but I could understand why she would ask. "No, I have never had anything at all. I always wore protection."

"Every single time?" she clarified.

"Yes, every single time. My one rule I always stuck to was 'no glove, no love'."

"But you said you can get it from oral..." she trailed off. I had to hand it to her; she was smart. She had put two and two together and realized that most blow-jobs don't involve a condom, but she was still kinda jumpy asking the question. Obviously, she was still not very comfortable talking about sex, or maybe it was just my past sexual history she was uncomfortable with.

_How to answer this?_ I thought about it. My brain said be very careful and yet honest, which isn't a very easy combination to pull off well.

"True, but I was just trying to calm Jacob down there. Actually, I think it's pretty rare for a girl to pass it through her mouth to a guy's dick. I think it's more common for a guy to get it when doing oral on a girl, and I've never done that. So I'm good."

She seemed taken back by my answer. "You haven't done that? Ever?"

"Nope, never. Bella. Probably should have offered from time to time, but I didn't. What can I say? I was an ass to most of the girls I was with before you. I was in it for my pleasure, not theirs."

"Really, you… an ass? I would have never guessed it," she joked, and I was glad we could talk openly and honestly about this.

"So have you. have you ummm…" she stalled, seeming unsure of her next question.

"Bella, you can ask me anything. We are being completely honest with each other, remember?"

"Have you ever been tested for any STD's?" she asked hesitantly.

"Actually yeah, I have. My dad made me get tested a little over a year ago. Everything came back clean." I was not about to tell her that my dad walked in on me once having sex with two girls and that's why he demanded I get tested. I figured I could be honest but leave out a few dirty details.

"Well that's good to know." She said averting her eyes to my chest, but she didn't look all that relieved.

"Bella, baby look at me. Do you want me to get tested again? I know we aren't having sex but if it would make you feel better just to know, I will do it."

She bit her bottom lip, and slowly nodded her head yes. "It would be nice to know, just for peace of mind."

"I agree. I will talk to my dad tonight and see if he can get me an appointment along with Jake early next week."

"Thank you," she said softly

"Anything for you, Bella."

"So would now be a good time to have that conversation about how many partners you have had?" she asked, looking me straight in the eye.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Were we ready for this? I didn't think so, but I had just given her the whole speech about talking everything out and being honest. Shit. I needed a out, I needed to stall, I needed to do something besides stare at her like a idiot.

Like a saving grace, there was a knock at my door. Alice poked her head in, telling us the meeting was about to start. I have never loved my sister so much in my life. I gave Bella a quick peck on the cheek.

"We can talk more later."

"Okay," she agreed, disentangling herself from me and climbing off the bed.

We made our way downstairs to see who all had come. I would be surprised if anyone showed up.

Thankfully, Rose and Emmett did come, although they said they couldn't stay long. My mother gave Jake the third degree until he agreed to stay at least an hour. And then there was the regulars which included me, Bella, Jasper and Alice. We all sat in the living room, making small talk while my mother passed around finger foods. After it was very evident no one else was going to show up, my father decided to begin.

"So as you know my wife and I have decided to take over the role as youth directors. We want to encourage you to invite your friends and other youth in the area to join our group. I really feel it will be beneficial to everyone to have our group grow. We have some great ideas for missions to do in the community as well as some fun outings planned . But we will need commitment from all of you to take this seriously, and give it your all."

He looked around the room to make sure we were all paying attention.

"As far as I know, the only other function going on at the time involving the youth is the True Love Waits campaign that Bella is heading up. Is that correct?"

Bella was the only one to answer. "Yes sir."

"Good!" My father seemed happy to finally have someone else speak. "And how is that going? I want to make sure none of our other functions interfere with that."

Everyone looked to Bella, and I could tell she didn't like having all the attention on her, even if it was only our small group.

"My plan is to hold the classes on Sunday nights, but so far, no one has signed up. If I don't have any more participants, then it will probably be postponed to a later time."

"Really, no one has signed up?" My dad actually sounded surprised.

His attention quickly turned to me. "Edward, were you planning on signing up?"

I couldn't help but be a little pissed he had called me out on this.

"Dad, I am sure everyone in this room is quite aware that I'm not a virgin."

Not missing a beat, he responded. "That may be true, son, but I'm sure there have been situations like this before. Where someone decided after the fact that they wanted to remain chaste until their wedding night. Bella, are there any guidelines for that?"

Again, Bella seemed bashful but answered my father's question.

"I have done some research since a few questions were directed at that during the question and answer segment at church. I have found a few testimonies where people had signed the contract and broken the pledge, or had already been sexually involved before they decided to make that commitment. So, basically, yes. You can still take the class and make the pledge to remain abstinent until marriage. By signing a TLW pledge, you're making a statement that signifies that what's past is past, and that by the grace of a forgiving and cleansing Almighty God, you're changing your lifestyle." She finished with a shrug.

My father turned his attention back to me with a smug grin.

"See… even you can be forgiven, Edward, and start with a fresh clean slate in the eyes of the Lord."

I shifted uncomfortably. Sure, I knew that Bella and I would not be having sex, but I hadn't thought much into the future. What if something bad happened between us and then I didn't get married until I was forty or something? Would I really abstain from sex that long? That was not at all likely. I didn't really see the point in pledging something I wasn't sure I could hold true to. Thankfully, Bella spoke up on my behalf.

"With all due respect, Mr. Cullen, it really needs to be a personal commitment. If someone is pressured into it, the chances of them sticking to it are slim. It has to be something that is important to that person alone."

"That is a valid point, Bella. Is anyone else here interested in taking the class?" my father asked the rest of the group.

Emmett decided now was a good time to become involved in this conversation.

"See this makes no sense to me," he offered. "Yeah, I can see how it would be beneficial to all them fuckers running around boning everything with a pulse, but for people like Rose and I who are already in love and have been together and have been having sex for-ev-er… well, it seems unnecessary. I have no doubt in my mind that we will be married one day, and if she told me we couldn't have sex until then, I would be running off to Vegas tomorrow. Seems to me this could be the cause of so many teenage marriages and contribute to the rise in divorce."

Bella spoke up. "Emmett, I think you are looking at this the wrong way. The point to it is sex before marriage is a sin in God's eyes. Some people feel strongly about following this rule and others not so much." Bella turned her attention to Jasper "Can you help me explain this better?"

Jasper leaned forward resting his arms on his knees. "I think what Bella is trying to say is the Bible is full of a lot of rules. Some were to only be enforced back in the day and some are still in play today. I think there are several ways to interpret the rules, so you follow your heart. The bible verse _Leviticus 19:28_ is a good example. It says, '_Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD__**."**_ Some Christians quote this as reason why they believe it is a sin to have a tattoo. But with that same reasoning, then wouldn't it also be a sin to pierce your ears? There are actually some Christian denominations that say you shouldn't have pierced ears, precisely because of that scripture. "

He then took a breath and went on. "Also, in Deuteronomy, it says, "_Thou shalt not eat any abomination. Of all that are in the waters you may eat these: whatever has fins and scales you may eat._ _And whatever does not have fins and scales you shall not eat; it is unclean for you_." From this pasage, a lot of passage, some people believe that it is a sin to eat meat… like beef and lamb and what-not. And of course, pork is forbidden to the Jews. And then again, some other people think that all this only applies to the Jews and not to modern-day Christians at all."

I was floored. I had never heard Jasper quote Bible passages like that. It surprised me when Bella did it, but it shocked the hell out of me to hear Jasper do it.

Jasper looked around the room, but we were all silent. After a moment, he continued. "There is a story, I believe it is in Genesis, where a guy name Onan pulled out early and spilled his seed on the ground instead of 'putting it into' the woman like God told him to. It's called onanism and you can google it. And because of this, he was put to death. From this story, a lot of peole, including my Uncle Charlie get the idea that 'spilling one's seed' for reasons other than procreation is wrong, which suggests that masturbation is also sinful."

And suddenly, what Bella had told me last week about never touching herself made perfect sense, at least for someone like her. She had been taught it was a sin to explore her own body. What the fuck was her dad teaching her?

This time, Jacob spoke up. "Dude, you've got to be kidding me. Not only can you _not_ have sex with a woman, but you aren't even supposed to get yourself off? That is fucking insane!"

My mother cut her eyes to Jake and spoke forcefully. "I think it's great that we are having this debate and discussing points of view, but please, let's watch the language in my house."

Jake looked a bit ashamed and mumbled, "Sorry."

"Wait, wait, let me get this straight." Rose was now fully involved in the conversation. "So according to this True Love Waits thing, you are not supposed to have actual intercourse, and you are not supposed to get yourself off either. So what exactly _can _you do?"

All attention was back on Bella." They promote what they consider 'sexual purity' which encompasses not only abstaining from intercourse before marriage, but also abstaining from sexual thoughts, sexual touching, pornography, and actions that are known to lead to sexual arousal."

"I call bullshit!" Jake yelled, then immediately turned to my mother to apologize before focusing back on Bella. "Sorry, I'm just saying I have seen you and Eddie boy in some hot make-out sessions, and you can't tell me that didn't cause sexual thoughts or arousal for both of you."

I wanted to knock the smug look off his face. This was taking it too far, It was one thing to discuss chastity in theory but another to involve mine and Bella's personal relationship.

"Jake, shut the fuck up. You have no idea what you are taking about."

"Language," my mother hissed.

I rolled my eyes, but apologized. "I'm just saying there is no need to start pointing fingers. Bella is not on trial. Her actions don't need to be questioned. She is just answering questions."

Bella placed her hand on my knee, and it calmed me considerably. "No, it's fine. This is what I was trying to say earlier. It all boils down to what you feel most strongly about and how you perceive what is being taught. Each person will get something different from the class. I personally feel the most important fact is to remain a virgin until marriage. I want to be able to give my husband the gift of knowing that he will be the only person I have ever been with. It would be nice if he had the same gift to offer me as well, of course. I feel this way because it is a straight quote in black and white in the Bible. Take for example Hebrews 13:4 where it says_ '_'_Marriage is honorable in all and the bed __undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge_'."

The room was quiet, painfully quiet. Bella was so sincere in what she was saying that no one challenged her, but you could tell it made everyone more than a little uncomfortable.

"Also, God believes sex connects two people and makes them one, like it says in 1 Corinthians 6:15._ 'Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh.' _And I don't know about you, but personally, I only want to be one with my husband."

Bella quickly glanced at me before she continued.

"As for all the other stuff… the kissing, touching and such…" Bella blushed bright red and cleared her throat. "To me that is not as black and white. Nowhere in the Bible does it say you can't kiss someone you have feelings for. Now, in fact, if you can't do 'the other stuff' and you just kiss but stop before it leads to sex, then I can't see it being a problem. Sounds like a good idea to me actually. But I think each person has to decided for themselves what they can handle and what they are comfortable with."

"So let me get this straight." Rose asked, focusing on Bella. " You are telling me that if you were in a committed relationship for say… three years. Knew that this was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, but wanted to wait to get married until you were out of college and had a stable career and a house, then you still would not be able to have sex with them? According to this True Love Wussy Whatever plan."

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "Honestly, I don't have a answer for that. I have never been in that situation. At this point and time, I know that sex is not a casual thing to be taken lightly, and I feel strongly that waiting for the right person is the best choice for me."

"Wow!" Rose was stunned. "How you ever ended up with Edward I will never know."

"Watch it!" I snapped. "Bella is the best thing that ever could have happened to me. She loves me despite my flaws and she makes me want to be a different, better person. If that means waiting for her to be ready for sex, then so be it."

Jacob burst out laughing. "Oh God, please tell me we are not about to have a 'you complete me' moment!"

I rolled my eyes and threw a pillow at him. My dad looked down at his watch.

"I think that is all we have time for tonight. We did get a bit off course, but I feel that overall this was a great first meeting. I do hope you will all be back next week and bring some friends with you."

Everyone made a quick exit including Bella and Jasper who had to be home by a certain time. I gave Bella a long intimate kiss and a small grope of her ass before she left. I told her to text me when her father was asleep, and I headed in to talk to my father.

He was helping my mom clean up the living room when I asked if we could talk privately. He led me to his office and he sat on the edge of the desk as I sat in the chair in front of him.

"What can I do for you son?"

"I just wanted to make sure Jake was able to speak with you?"

I decided to start the conversation out by being subtle, directing it towards Jake at first, and not me.

He nodded. "Yes, he spoke with me. I should be able to work him in on Monday."

"Good, that's good. He was kinda of freaked out, asking if his dick would fall off and shit."

My father chuckled. "Nothing that extreme but STD's are nothing to play around with. I am glad he is getting tested but I do wish it were under different circumstances."

I was not in the mood for the safe-sex talk. Lord knows I didn't need to hear it. After all, abstinence is the safest form of protection there is.

"Dad, listen, I was wondering, if you could get me an appointment to be tested as well?"

He cocked his head to the side, clearly confused. "But I thought..."

I held my had up to stop him. "Yeah, I'm aware I am not in a sexual relationship. Trust me, I know. But I have had other partners since I was last tested, and I just want to know that I have a clean bill of health. Peace of mind and all that shit…." I trailed off, using Bella's words.

A smug grin was plastered on my father's face. "Bella, told you to get tested, didn't she?"

"No, she didn't tell me to. We talked about it, I offered, and she thought it was a good idea." I clarified.

"Oh well, okay then…" he said like he believed me, but I knew it was more to just pacify me and save some of my ego. "I am really proud of you son. I can see a huge change in you. I will admit I was a bit concerned for Bella when this relationship first began. But you have handled everything very maturely. I can tell you really care for her. This change, the relationship, it suits you."

"Thanks, Dad. That really means a lot," I said, and I meant it.

"It shouldn't be a problem getting you an appointment. I will call you Monday morning when I get in and let you know what time is available."

"I appreciate it." I stood up to give him the man a hug.

"Oh… okay. You're welcome," he laughed, clearly surprised at the display of affection. So yeah, I didn't usually hug my dad. So sue me. I'm a teenage boy, what do you expect?

He followed me into the living room where we helped my mom finish cleaning up. It didn't take long and I soon found myself in my room waiting for my nightly texting with Bella.

**Please review. I read each and every one and they make me so happy! Your words of encouragement are really what keeps me writing! And I promise a little smut next chapter since so many of you have asked for a lil hanky panky lol. Not only do you make my day by leaving a review, but you also get a teaser!**

**Recs **

**Gravity's proud as he pulls me down by lo-love-last**

**Promiscuity by Twipen**

**One night Stands and other engagements by PatchsFallenAngel (my twihoor lol)**

**And on the D/L my sista from anotha mista AriCullen1134 is working on a lil sumthin sumthin that is absolutely amazing …..as soon as she post I will let you know :)**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight **

**So here ya go. The next chapter on Sunday, just like I said :).....I was very nervous about this chapter because it does involve Edward and Bella doing a bit of experimenting. I had thought about changing the story line because of how some would not like this, but in the end I decided to stick to what I originally had planned. I have had this story idea in my head for a long tome and I believe it should be told the way I envisioned it. I am not sure how some of you will take that, BUT they are 17 year old teenagers, who believe they are in love, and this is what MOST 17 yr olds do. If you are going to be offended by this then don't read this chapter.**

**Because I am a slacker and didn't have the chapter to my beta in time to post it by Sunday, RachelMyBell saved my booty and stepped in to beta for me. She did a great job and I thank you so much. You should thank her to...by going to read her story 'Her Ivory Tower'**

**BIG NEWS: My sista from anotha mista has officially posted her first story. Go read AriCullen1134's story 'B. Swan's Auto Shop.' It rocks!**

**Wow a lot of you seemed to like the debate last chapter and I love that you left reviews and messages about it! Thank you so much for all of your support! I especially enjoyed trading debate points with livvi84.**

Chapter 22

BPOV

**Song for this chapter S.E.X. By Lyfe Jennings**

_**Girl it's just your S.E.X.  
Momma's secret  
And daddy gon go crazy when he finds out that his baby's found her  
S.E.X., take a deep breath  
And think before you let it go **_

The weeks seemed to fly by and before I knew it, it was already the end of October. Not that October held anything significant for me, but apparently for the kids at school October meant party. Apparently Alice hosted a big Halloween party every year at her house, and this year was no different. And so of course this is all Alice and everyone talked about the entire week before the party. I have heard every minute detail from the snacks she is serving to how she was able to buy toilet paper with pumpkins on it. To some this would be taking it to far, but not to Alice. To Alice this was a necessity.

Today at lunch I was yet again tortured with party plans. It's not that I was upset about the party, I was just disappointed that I wouldn't be able to attend.

"Oh Bella I wish there was some way you could come." Alice pouted for the hundredth time.

"Alice, like I said before there is just no way possible. Charlie would never, I repeat never allow it. Not only because it's a party, but because it is in honor of Halloween." I explained one more time, hoping it would finally sink in.

"What's the big deal with Halloween anyway?" Emmett asked, with a mouth full of food. This boy always seemed to have something in his mouth.

"Charlie believes it's a holiday to worship Satan. He will not let us have any part of it. In Deuteronomy it says do not learn to imitate detestable ways, including spiritists, sorcerers and witchcraft. There you have it. Printed in black and white, in the Bible, so no way is he going to allow it." I said with a shrug.

"What about when you were little, were you allowed to celebrate it then?" Emmett questioned, still obviously trying to wrap his head around it.

"Nope, never. I have never dressed up, or gone trick or treating. We're not allowed to hand out candy to kids either. We have to put a sign up on our door saying 'We do not celebrate Halloween, we are Christians and choose to honor God not Satan'. Charlie won't even let us come to the fall festival on Friday because he believes it is part of the Halloween celebration."

"Wow, that is harsh." Rose added shaking her head. "So Bella, what about when you have children? Will you let them participate in trick or treating?"

This seemed to get Edwards attention. He had been eating his lunch and not paying much attention to the conversation, but now he watched me, waiting for my reply.

"I umm, well I have never really thought about it. I guess I don't see the real harm as long as they don't dress as anything demonic like ghost or witches."

Edward didn't show any real emotion that he agreed or disagreed. Now I was curious. I nudged him under the table. "What about you? How do you feel about your children participating in Halloween?"

He let out a small nervous laugh, "I don't have an opinion because......well I had never planned on having children."

I was shocked. "Really? "

"Uh, no." he replied with a shrug."They seem kind of loud and obnoxious, always needing attention."

Jacob let out a snort "Eddie is not the married with 2.5 kids, white picket fence kind of guy. He will be the next Hugh Hefner, 80 living with a bunch of 18 yr olds running around naked, popping Viagra so he can still get it up."

Edward laughed at this. He didn't dispute it, or tell Jake to shut up, he freaking laughed. I was completely caught off guard. If this is really how he felt then what was the point to our relationship? Where were we going with this? Not that I was ready to discuss marriage, but I at least hoped he thought we had a future.

Edward seemed to catch onto my distress, and he quickly intervened. "That may have been me before, but now I look at the whole married with kids things differently. I mean I am in no rush to get married by any means, but I do see the point more clearly. When you love someone so much you want to be with them forever, I can totally see that happening for me....way, way in the future. The kid thing I'm not so sure about."

This seemed to get everyones attention. "Wait a fucking minute here," Emmett said putting his hamburger down. He obviously meant business. "Are you telling me the ultimate player, Edward Cullen, has thought about and now agrees with the constitution of marriage. The same guy who said he would never get married because he didn't want to be tied down to the same pussy for a week much less a lifetime?"

Everyone at the table turned their attention to Edward to hear his response. He just shrugged, "People change. I'm not saying I am running off after graduation to get hitched, I am just saying that I understand when you find that one special person I can see wanting to spend forever with them. You know after college and I have my career on track and shit."

"Holy fucking shit, Bella what have you done to my boy?" Jake asked, completely shocked.

Before I could answer though Alice interjected. "See that's what I don't get. If you love someone, and you know that they are the one you are meant to spend forever with, why not go ahead and get married? Why put all the stipulations of waiting until after this or that. Why not get married and go through all of life's obstacle's together? Learn to cope with the misfortunes and lean on each other? Celebrate the good times knowing you made it through because you had each other?" She wasn't asking anyone in particular but I decided to give my input.

"Personally I can see the point in waiting. I mean yes of course I have thought in detail about being married and having babies, but I want to live my life a little before giving up my dreams and taking over my obligated duties."

Alice quickly responded "Bella, just because you get married does not mean you have to start a family right away. And what do you mean by give up your dreams to take on the obligated duties?"

"I mean I want to experience life, go places, see things. I want to do some missions, travel, do volunteer work. There is so much I want to do and I wouldn't be able to if I was married."

Alice looked confused. "Why would being married stop you from doing any of that stuff?"

I wasn't sure what she wasn't getting here so I decided to break it down for her. "There wouldn't be any time. Between taking care of the house, and running all the errands and meeting all of my husbands needs, like making sure he had well rounded meals on time, all his ironing was done, tending to him after a hard day's work. Whose to say he would even allow me to do volunteer work, or whatever."

Alice looked completely taken back. "Sweetie, what time period are you living in? This day and age men and women work. Both take care of the house and kids, and a man can cook and iron for himself. If he can't then you can hire someone to do all of that."

She still wasn't getting it. Her idea of marriage seemed delusional. I'm afraid she would be in for a rude awaking when her husband started demanding how she spent her time. "Alice, It clearly says in Ephesians Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Also in 1 Timothy it says I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully."

Everyone was silent. I wasn't sure why they all looked so surprised, surely this wasn't news to them. "So clearly the Bible says when you get married you have to obey your husband, have children, keep the house........" I trailed off and looked around the table at all the shocked expressions.

"Why is everyone looking at me like that?"

Edward was the first to gain composure "Bella, baby....... Shit. Is that what your father has told you? That when you get married you have to stay home and cook and clean all day? Do nothing but take care of children and do everything your husband says?"

"Well yes, he has taught us that, but it also says it in the Bible." I told him, then turned to look at Jasper. "Am I wrong here?"

Jasper had been very quiet through this entire conversation and I knew he had heard this lesson just as many times as I had.

"Yes, that is what we have been taught through the years. But I believe it is kinda up to each couple how they want their marriage to go."

"And what about you Jasper? Do you want a wife barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen?" Alice questioned putting him on the spot.

Jacob chuckled before loudly stating, "Now that sounds like the perfect wife. Has to obey everything I say, her soul purpose is to cook, and clean, and make me happy. I definitely want one like that!"

Rose rolled her eyes, "And that is why you will never be married, fucking sexist pig!"

Alice was still waiting on Jasper's reply and I scooted a little closer to hear what he personally thought about this.

Jasper leaned in to give Alice a peck on the cheek. "Darlin' I would never want my wife to be something she was not. If she wanted to stay home then that would be fine with me, or if she wanted her own career then that would be fine to. Whatever makes you happy, that's what I want."

Alice of course swooned and it didn't go unnoticed by me that he had said you to her. Had they already talked about this? Were they seriously thinking about marriage? But we were so young, still in high school even. I would have to remember to talk to him about this later.

The lunch bell rang and we all got up to throw our bags and trays away. Edward and I headed for our next class hand in hand. Just before we walked through the door he pulled me to the side. "Bella listen. What you said in there, about how you are supposed to basically surrender your life to your husband after you get married. That is not how it should be. You should still be able to be your own person and live your life. Bella, no matter what you do in life, you should be happy. Please always remember that."

I couldn't help but kiss him. The boy was just to sweet.

He pulled back slightly "If one day we do end up getting married, I would want you to be your own person and live out your dreams." He said then got a wicked gleam in his eye "I will have one request though."

"Oh yeah? And what would that be?" I asked, curious to hear his response.

"Lot's and lot's of sex. On every available surface of our house. Several times a day. I think we will have a lot of lost time to make up for."

I slapped him playfully on his shoulder. "Gosh Cullen is that all you ever think about?"

He seemed to ponder this for a few seconds "No it's not all I think about. Every now and then I think about other shit. Just not as often."

I grabbed his hand and started heading for the door. "Are you aware that, this is the second time you have propositioned me for marriage?"

He looked confused so I clarified. "Before we actually started dating you purposed ...unofficially" I giggled.

"Oh yeah" he laughed. "Shit I forgot about that. I guess I better stop talking marriage to you or you are gonna be expecting something more official like me on bended knee and a ring. "

Playing along I held up my left hand and wiggled my finger. "You know, a diamond would look good on my hand."

"That it would," he said bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it. I knew we were only playing around and we were no where near ready to even be talking about marriage, but it was nice to think that maybe one day we could talk about it for real.

The rest of the week flew by. Of course all conversations revolved around the Halloween party. Edward didn't ask my opinion on it so I didn't voice it. Truth be told I was none to thrilled that he would be at a party filled with drunken girls throwing themselves at him. I did trust him completely, still it was not the ideal situation. But it was at his house, thrown by his sister so what could I really say anyway.

Jacob only made matters worse. He was excited that he would finally be able to have sex again. Edward and Jacob did go get tested for STD's. Edward's test came back perfectly clean, and let me just tell you he was pretty cocky about that fact. Jacob however was not as lucky and he did in fact have Chlamydia. He had to take antibiotics for two weeks while abstaining from all sexual intercourse. You would think this would have taught him a valuable lesson about promiscuity. But this is Jacob we are talking about and no suck thing happened. His time was up and he was ready to get back to business.

Halloween happened to fall on a Thursday this year, and just like every other year Charlie made me make a sign to hang on the door. Because it was on a Thursday, and school was closed on Friday for the Fall festival, Alice was able to hold the party that night. Which seemed to excite her even more.

Charlie was holding discipleship training at the church for the deacons every Thursday for six weeks. He of course did not cancel because of Halloween. So this left me alone at the house on Halloween night.

Yes Jasper should have been here but he decided to take a chance and sneak out to the party for a while. He asked me several times if I wanted to accompany him, but I was way to scared of getting caught so I opted to stay home. I did feel a little better knowing Jasper would be there though, surely he would keep an eye on Edward for me.

I spent the evening eating a microwave meal and then organizing my room. This didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would, so I decided to take a long hot bubble bath. I didn't often treat myself to those so it was nice and relaxing.

When I finally emerged from the tub I couldn't seem to get my mind off Edward. What was he doing? Who was he talking to? Was he drinking? I thought about calling him but I didn't want to seem possessive or needy so I decided to hold off the phone call for now.

I remembered a shirt of his I had practically stolen from his closet a few weeks ago. The thought of being wrapped in something of Edwards soothed me so I decided since I would be alone for the evening, I would dig out his Football jersey from my closet and wear it. I slipped it on and took a deep breath to try and smell him on me. It had obviously been washed so it only smelled of his detergent, but it was his detergent so it did sooth me a bit. The jersey was huge on me, it came nearly to my knees so I just slipped on a pair of my panties and decided to forgo any pants for the night.

I retrieved my most recent book out of hiding, and piled my pillows up against my head board. I snuggled in to get nice and comfy for my night of reading.

I am not sure how long I was lost in reading but some time later I heard a clicking sound at my window.

At first I was unsure of what to do, I had heard tales of kids egging or TPing houses on Halloween. Should I scream, or maybe call the cops? I waited to see if I heard anything else and then there was a gentle knock.

I placed my book down on my comforter and made my way to the window, slightly pulling back my curtains to inspect the intruder.

I had to cover my mouth to stifle my giggle. I unlocked my window and slid it open. Edward hopped through the window and let me tell you he was a sight to behold. His Hair was slicked back with some kind of gel holding it in place. He had a red and black cape trailing behind him and some fake fang teeth in his mouth.

I stepped back a few feet to get a better look at his attire. He slowly stalked toward me as I inched back a few feet. He then jumped forward grabbing me in a tight embrace.

"I come to suck your blood," He said before playfully biting at my neck.

I couldn't help but laugh. I loved this silly side of him.

When I calmed down from my giggle fit and was able to talk I asked, "What are you doing here? What about the party?"

He released me from his hold and shrugged before walking to my bed and making himself comfortable. "I couldn't let my sweet girl be alone on Hallow...." he trailed off letting his eyes roam up and down my body. "Jesus Bella, what the hell are you wearing?"

Until that moment I hadn't even thought about my attire. I immediately crossed my arms over my chest wishing I had at least put a bra on.

"I ..ummm" I cleared my throat looking down at the floor. "I was missing you so I wanted to wear something that made me feel close to you."

"Well you look fucking hot, you need to wear that more often." He said giving me his signature crooked grin. "But only for me," He clarified.

I blushed but really enjoyed the compliment.

"Come here, I come bearing gifts," He said patting the spot next to him.

I narrowed my eyes at him. He knew I didn't like gifts. "Edward, I...."

He cut me off, "Not that kind of gift, now bring your sexy ass over here." He said as he pulled a bag of candy out of his pocket.

That got my attention and I bounced over to him snatching the bag and pouring the contents onto my bedspread. "You brought me chocolate?" I asked with a big goofy grin.

"Yeah, I find it incredibly sad that you have never had the opportunity to divulge yourself with Halloween candy."

I immediately grabbed my favorite candy off the bed and began opening it. "I love Reece Cup's, thank you Edward."

"You are very welcome angel," He said as he untied the cape from his neck and tossed it on my nightstand.

I put the entire thing in my mouth and closed my eyes as the chocolate and peanut butter melted together. This had to be the best invention ever made. I may or may not have let out an embarrassing moan.

When I opened my eyes Edward was starring hard at my lips. I couldn't help but lick them, they suddenly felt very dry. I watched his adams apple bob up and down as he swallowed.

"You want a bite?" I asked waving the other piece in front of his lips.

He nodded his head and just as he was opening his mouth to take a bite I snatched it away shoving it in my mouth.

"That wasn't very nice," he said as he reached out to pull me closer to him.

Maybe it was the chocolate high, or maybe it was the fact that he was sweet enough to bring me candy when no one else had ever thought to do that, but at this moment I felt bold. I let my legs straddle him and I leaned in for a passionate kiss.

This time I took control. I licked at his bottom lip and he immediately opened up letting me in to explore. He tasted like what I assume was beer. That mixed with the chocolate taste in my mouth made me moan yet again as I swirled my tongue around to enjoy the flavor.

This went on for a few minutes before I felt his hands on the back of my legs. He slowly, so very slowly moved his hands up until they were just under my bum, and then he hesitated leaving his hands there. He released my lips and started kissing my neck, I shifted slightly to give him better access and when I did this movement, it inched his hands farther up. He continued licking and kissing my neck as his finger ran back and forth on the crease of my leg barely gliding under my panty line.

I am sure it was my hormones talking in that moment, but I really wanted his hands to move up and grope my butt. I didn't want to ask, it seemed like that would ruin the moment. But I also knew he probably wouldn't do it on his own accord. He always worried that he was pushing me.

I decided to take matters into my own hands, literally, so I reached behind me and grabbed his hand bringing it up to rest on my bum. He didn't hesitate this time he began gently squeezing and kneading. But only a few times before he moved his hands back down and stopped kissing my collar bone.

"Baby, we uh....we need to stop." He panted out.

I couldn't help but pout like a child. His hands felt so good, and I just wasn't ready for this to be over.

He chuckled, "Bella, don't pout. You are just to beautiful for your own good, and Fuck. I mean you aren't wearing hardly any clothes, you are so damn tempting. And I just don't know what to do."

I raised a eyebrow at him. "You, don't know what to do?"

He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean. I don't ever know how far you want to go. I don't know what you are comfortable with."

I sat up still straddling him, which put pressure on both of us in just the right place. There was no denying he was very aroused and we both moaned as I lightly grinded my hips into him. It definitely felt much better without any pants on, and the memories of my one and only orgasm came rushing back to me.

"Can we keep going a little more?" I asked hoping I didn't sound to desperate. "Like I said the other day, I don't really see anything wrong with the kissing and touching, as long as we can stop before....you know." I trailed off blushing crimson.

"Yeah?" he asked "You sure?"

I nodded my head a little to eagerly while biting my lip. He still seemed hesitant so I lifted the hem of his shirt and began running my fingertips over his very hard stomach. He closed his eyes and moaned as I watched his muscles contract at my touch. He sat up and removed his shirt throwing it to the floor. I was thrilled to say the least. I began tracing down the lines from his hipbones to the top of his pants that seemed to make a V.

He puled me back down to him and immediately placed his hands back on my bum. We kissed for a few minutes before I left his mouth trailing kisses down his neck. I pressed the tip of my tongue out to lick from the base of his neck to his ear where I took his lobe in my mouth and gently sucked.

"Fuuuccckkk" he moaned out before flipping us so I was now on my back and he was hovering over me. I wasted no time placing my hands on his hips and pulling him flush with my body.

His hands snaked up my shirt making it rise higher and higher. His hands stalled on my my rib cage as he rubbed soothing circles with his thumbs. The skin to skin contact was exhilarating. My shirt had ridden up so far that my lower half was completely bare. I just didn't have it in me to feel the least bit self conscious.

Edward kissed his way to my ear where he gently whispered "Is this okay?"

"Oh God yes," I moaned. And it was okay, more than okay. I didn't feel pressure because I knew we were not going to have sex, we could just touch and explore and enjoy each other.

Edward scooted down my body until he was at eye level with my stomach. He pressed feather light kisses all over my abdomen before licking and sucking from one hip bone to the other. His mouth and tongue on my tender flesh made my body react in a very good way. I ran my hands through his hair as I arched my body into him more.

His kisses began to descend until he was kissing over the fabric of my panties. I suddenly wished I owned a cute pair of underwear. The ones I was wearing, were purple with daisies on them, and didn't seem quite appropriate for this situation.

He ran his nose down my center and while it may be strange, it felt completely erotic. "Fuck Bella, you smell so fucking good."

And if those purple panties weren't wet before they certainly were now. The sound of his voice and the gust of air from him talking caused my body to react, and before I thought about it I was pushing his face back down. He moaned and put an open mouth kiss right there, while pushing his tongue out to apply just the right amount of pressure and then softly scraped his teeth over my now soaking wet panties.

As amazing as this felt I was desperate to feel his lips back on mine and his body pressed against me. I, perhaps a little to roughly, grabbed his hair and forced him back up to my mouth. He devoured my lips like it was his last meal.

I ran my hands up and down the muscles of his back, lightly scraping my nails every time he would grind into me. This seemed to excite him even more and he let his hands begin to roam my body.

"Bella, do you want to take your shirt off?" He panted out blowing his warm breath in my face.

"Umm, yeah...sure." I answered removing my hands from his back and bringing them to the bottom of my shirt, which was now just below my breast.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I could do this, it is only Edward I told myself. Before I could move Edward was off of me and holding my hands in his grasp. I opened my eyes to see a frantic look on his face and him kneeling in front of me.

"Baby you don't have to, I just ...shit. I just thought you might want to. But if you are not ready it's okay. I am fine with this really."

" I do..want to" I told him. "I'm just nervous I guess. I have never... been naked in front of a guy before."

He cocked his head to the side and grinned. "First, I'm not just any guy, and second if it makes you nervous then don't fucking do it. Baby there is no pressure."

I rolled my eyes and sat up to mirror his position. "I don't feel pressured, if I didn't want to do it I would have said no. I am just nervous about you seeing my boobs," I said pointing to them like it was very obvious.

He chuckled "Baby girl, I just had my mouth on your pussy and you had no problem with that but you are nervous for me to see your tits? That is ass backwards."

I felt my cheeks heat and I had to laugh "Well when you put it like that it does sound silly."

I kept my eyes on his face as I slowly lifted his jersey over my head. He starred into my eyes for a moment before he let his gaze drop. He lifted his hand and gently cupped my breast before rubbing his thumb over my nipple.

He leaned forward to give me a chaste kiss."Bella, you are so fucking beautiful."

"So are you." I said trailing my hands down his torso.

He pulled me forward so I was once again straddling him, but this time we were in a sitting position and I couldn't seem to get very much friction.

He trailed soft kisses from my neck to my collar bone until he reached my nipple. He swirled his tongue around it before taking it fully in his mouth. I threw my head back and moaned very, very loudly. He sucked and scraped his teeth on my nipple making it pebble in his mouth. This caused a throaty moan from him and he switched sides giving my other breast the same attention.

I was to far gone. My body was ready to burst, I just needed that little push. "Oh please Edward, please," I begged.

He released my nipple causing a popping sound. "What is it angel? What do you need?" he asked smugly. Obviously he knew what he was doing to me and he knew what I needed, but he wanted to hear me say it.

"I need you to make me come." Again no filter, but at this point who really cared, I know I didn't.

"Mmmmm, anything for you angel." He said between kisses and licks on my neck. "How do you want me to make you come baby?" His voice was low and rough and I knew he was just as turned on as I was.

"With your hands, I want you to make me come with your hands." I said while lacing my fingers though his hair and tugging.

"Oh Fuck yes, I can do that for you baby. Do you want me to finger you Bella?" He said while pushing me back on the bed.

I nodded enthusiastically while pulling him down with me. He laid on his side next to me and positioned me flat on my back. "Now tell me if it hurts or is uncomfortable okay."

"Okay."

"Promise me Bella, I don't want to hurt you." I could tell he was being very serious.

"I promise."

"Good, now relax, let me make you feel good."

He began kissing me again, but this time is was more soft and gentle. No rushing no urgency. He ran his hands up and down my rib cage occasionally cupping my breast and pinching my nipple. It didn't take long for me to start writhing and moaning. He brushed his fingertips over my center a few times and I couldn't help but buck up trying to get more pressure.

This caused him to chuckle and he finally slid his hand down the waistband of my panties. The feel of his hand on my tender, never been touched flesh almost did me in. Almost. He had stopped kissing me and was watching me intently, I guess to gauge my reaction.

He slid his finger down my slit and his eyes closed and he let out a loud groan. "Holy shit baby, you are so fucking wet."

He circled my clit and I couldn't help but cry out, it felt so good. I grabbed his face and pulled him forcefully to my mouth. I sucked his bottom lip in as he pushed a finger inside me. He was slow and gentle pumping in and out. At first it felt odd, definitely not bad, but just odd to have something...there. I made my brain shut off and just let my body enjoy the sensations. After a minute I started moving my hips to quicken the rhythm. I had no idea what I was supposed to do, so I just went with what felt natural.

His pace picked up a bit and he used his thumb to rub circles on my clit. I was done. I could feel my walls start contracting and I couldn't help but scream out "Oh God, Oh God....Fuucckk." and everything stopped.

I looked at him horrified, before yelling at him "Don't stop!"

He was completely shocked, "You...just said fuck." He stated, like now was the time to have that conversation.

"Yes I know that, now please don't stop."

He shook his head to bring him out of his daze and went back to work with his magical fingers. It was mere seconds before I was screaming loudly and coming on his fingers. He slowed his rhythm, letting me ride out my orgasm. When I had finally calmed down he withdrew his hand and licked his finger.

"Mmm Bella, you taste so fucking good, one day I want to lick your sweet pussy."

And I was hot again. "But I thought you didn't ..um do that." I said, because I knew he had told me that before.

He shook his head. "I haven't ever done that, but I want to, one day, with you. Hopefully very, very soon," he said wagging his eyebrows.

He laid down pulling me to his chest. It took me a few minutes to recuperate from that amazing orgasm, but I was definitely not complaining. When I was able to fully relax I began tracing the lines of his muscles on his stomach. I looked down to see his pants straining with his still very hard erection. Crap I had almost forgotten again. The problem was I had no idea what to do. I could just ask, I mean he knows I have no experience here. Still I hated to sound like a inexperienced child.

So I decided to just start something and see where it went. I crawled on top of him and began kissing and sucking down his chest. I scooted down his body as I traced the planes of his muscles with my tongue, which he seemed to be enjoying. When I reached the outline of his penis through his jeans I lightly kissed it before bringing my hand up to rub the length. I was amazed at how hard it was and I really wanted to see it.

"Edward, can I ..uh..take it out?" I asked, not sure what the proper protocol was here.

He groaned and threw his arm over his face. A moment later he mumbled "I don't think that is a very good idea."

I sat up and pulled his arm away making him look at me. "Why not?"

"For starters, you are practically naked. I just don't think it is a good idea for us both to be naked right now."

I had forgotten about my clothes, or lack there of. I jumped up off the bed. "I can fix that problem."

I pulled his jersey back on and found a pair of shorts in my drawer to slip on. When I was fully dressed I sat back on the bed next to him. "Problem solved."

"Bella, I just...you don't have to do this. I don't expect anything," he tried to reassure me.

I rolled my eyes. "I know you don't expect it, but I want to see it. Now quite being all shy and whip that bad boy out."

He laughed "Who are you, and what have you done with my sweet, innocent girlfriend?"

I rolled my eyes then raised my hands to the buttons on his jeans. I slowly undid them and he lifted up to let me take them fully off. Now I was left with Edward laying on my bed in nothing but his boxers. It's quite a sight to behold. I gave him a smile as I reached for the hem of his boxers.

He placed his arms behind his head to prop him up a bit. I pulled his boxers down freeing him completely.

It popped out seeming to have a mind of it's own. I couldn't help but stare. This thing was massive. I felt like I should have a conversation with it, introduce myself and all. But Edward would surely think I have lost my mind if I start talking to his ...neither region....penis...dick? What's the appropriate term for his...thing?

"What should I call it?" I asked reaching my finger out to touch it. Before I actually made contact it jumped a little, and I retracted my hand. What the heck was that about?

"What do you mean call it?' Edward asked confused.

"I mean, well I mean do I call it penis, or dick, or...does it have a name?"

This caused Edward to laugh which in turn made 'it' bob up and down, and I was starring again. "No it doesn't have a name, call it what ever you want to."

"It should definitely have a name." I stated, lord knows 'it' was big enough to have it's own social security number, so it should definitely have a name. "Can I touch it?"

I finally pulled my eyes away from 'it who has yet to be named' to look at Edwards face. He was clearly amused, enjoying this way to much.

"Yes, please...just uh, be gentle." He replied, smirk in place.

I ran my finger lightly from the base to the tip, and back down again. I was shocked at how hard it was yet the flesh was so soft.

"What should I do with it?" I hated to ask, but I was lost here.

"Wrap your fingers around it, like this," Edward said gently taking my hand and placing it around his member. He placed his hand on top of mine showing me how much pressure to apply then started slowly moving my hand up and down. "Just like that baby. Shit your hand feels good!"

He removed his hand and I took over trying to do it exactly as he had showed me. He moaned almost instantly and I was thrilled I seemed to be doing it right.

"And...oh fuck that feels good." He said closing his eyes and throwing his head back. I continued stroking him picking up a little bit of pace."You can, uhhh....you can run your thumb over the head every now and then if you want."

So on my next stroke up I did exactly that. I ran my thumb over his head and all around it. I was met with a sticky goo, I didn't think it was come but I wasn't sure, and didn't want to ask. I just spread it over his dick which made the stroking a bit easier and he seemed to enjoy it as well.

"Shitttttt Bella, I am not going to last very long." He said clenching his teeth together.

I thought about just stopping like he did to me. Show him how it feels. But I was enjoying this way to much.

I bent forward, leaning in to get a closer look. I decided, completely spur of the moment, that I wanted to lick it. Not really give him a blow job per say but I just wanted to see what it tasted like. So I did just that.

Three things seemed to happen all at once. I removed my hand and licked all the way from the base to the tip. Then put just the head in my mouth and swirled my tongue around it enjoying the salty flavor. Edward seemed to be yelling very loudly so I released his dick from my mouth just in time to hear a noise at my window, I turned to see what was going on and just as Jasper stepped through the window warm spurts of stickiness hit the side of my face.

And time stood still.

**:) Don't shoot me! So here is your 'homework' I want to know what you think Bella should name Eddie's peen. The one I like the best will be his official name, and it will be in the next chapter.**

**Sorry for leaving it there, maybe just maybe if I get enough reviews I will be motivated enough to post the next chap before next Sunday....no pressure though lol.**

**Before I get tons of hate mail yes it does say that stuff in the Bible about women and marriage BUT there are also passages about how men are supposed to behave as well.**

**Ephesians 5:25-28, TLB.  
"And you husbands, show the same kind of love to your wives as Christ showed to the church when He died for her. . . That's how husbands should treat their wives, loving them as parts of themselves. For since a man and his wife are one, a man is really doing himself a favor and loving himself when he loves his wife! **


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight.**

**Sorry I didn't get this out sooner. I tried, I really did but RL has kicked my ass this week and I just didn't have time to do it. Although I did stay up until 2:15 am finishing this and starting chapter 24 for you guys.**

**RachelMyBell betaed for me, even though it was last minute.... again, cause she kicks ass! Big thanks RachelMyBell.**

**Great responce last chapter! Thank you all so much!**

Chap 23

**I suggest you read Eddies-Peen-POV in my outtakes before you read this (if you are not easily offended). It will make things a little more clearer.**

**EPOV**

Well this is fucking awkward. It took a moment for my brain to process what the hell had just happened, but as quickly as I could I reacted. It was of course to late, and Jasper had gotten a pretty good view of my goods, and I am almost certain he knew what was going down when he interrupted. But still I had to do something.

"Shit," fell from my lips as I grabbed my cape from Bella's night stand. I immediately covered up my big man who was now kind of flopping over to one side. I then turned and focused my attention on Bella. She had sat up but was starring at Jasper in horror and to make matters worse, my jizz was sliding down her face.

"Fuck, Bella, I'm sorry," I tried to apologize as I used my cape to clean her face off.

Jasper seemed to snap out of his trance and turned facing the window and covering his eyes with his hands.

"Fuck," he shouted and turned to face us then immediately turned back around again. "I didn't...what the.... I was just....shit."

I am not sure how to handle this situation exactly, and I wished like hell they made one of those For Dummies books only instead of 'How to Paper Mache' it would be 'How To Deal With Very Awkward Sexual Situations' or something.

"So Jasper how was the party?" Bella said in a quiet voice, trying to defuse the situation.

Jasper began yelling but starred at the wall in front of him as he did. "Do not try to make small talk with me Bella. What the hell is going on in here? "

"Well we were...." Bella began but Jasper quickly cut her off.

"No! Don't answer that. I obviously know what was going on, and trust me I will never be able to get that image out of my head! Have you lost your mind Bella? What about all those talks we had? Were you even listening to me?"

I knew I had to say something. Obviously there was no right thing to say here, but I needed to try. "Jasper, man look, I 'm sorry. We haven't rushed anything, we have not had sex nor do we plan to. We obviously didn't know you were going to be coming in here and well...." Yeah what the fuck else was there to say?

He at least seemed to visibly relax when I told him we were not having sex, though he should know that shit by now.

"No it's uh..it's my fault...I can assure you it won't happen again. I just need to get out of here, now. Please for the love of god keep yourself covered until I am out the door."

I readjusted my cape to make sure I wasn't exposed. "It's good man, and again sorry." I mumbled humiliated beyond belief.

Jasper didn't glance in our direction he just bolted for the door. Bella had obviously locked it because he fumbled with it for a few minutes before he was able to get it open and get himself securely on the other side.

Bella and I just sat on the bed silent watching the door for a while. Finally I reached out to pull her closer to me. "I'm sorry about that baby."

"You don't need to apologize Edward, it's not your fault." She said as she laid down next to me. She was trying to play it off but I knew she was embarrassed. Her cheeks were the brightest shade of red I had ever seen.

"Still, I wish I could change it. And I'm also sorry.." Shit was I really about to say this."I'm sorry I got cum on your face. I couldn't really help it."

She giggled "Yeah, that was umm.....unexpected."

"You want to talk about unexpected, let's talk about how unexpected it was for you to go down on me."

Bella's eyes quickly glanced down to the cape and back to my face, "I didn't really go down on you...I wasn't planning on doing that, I just wanted to... uh try it for a minute."

I had to laugh. "Trust me babe, I'm not complaining. You just caught me off guard, and well he got over excited. Next time...if there is ever a next time,... not that I expect it,.. but you know if you ever do want to try it again, just warn me first okay?" I knew I was rambling but there was no right way to word that, I really fucking enjoyed it and wouldn't mind a replay, minus the Jasper interruption without sounding like an asshole.

"Okay, I can do that." She nodded and then continued. "So you would want me to do that again?"

"Fuck yes! Your mouth on my dick...Bella there are no words to describe how good that felt. But I only want you to do that kind of shit if you really want to." I had to remind myself not to get to carried away at the prospect of a possibly another blow job that might last longer than ten seconds.

" Another thing," I needed to set this straight right now. "If you ever do decided to do that again, you have to stop when I tell you to, or it's going to uh.... shoot off in your mouth."

She seemed to think about this for a minute. "And what should I do if that happens?"

Fuuuuuuck. My brain is saying tell her to swallow, tell her to swallow, but my heart wouldn't let me say it out loud. "You don't have to worry about that, just stop when I tell you, because when I'm that excited I can't control him."

She covered her mouth and giggled and I had to ask her, "What the hell is so funny?"

"Are you aware that you refer to your...'it' in third person?"

I had never really thought about it but I guess I did do that often. "Well he does kind of have a mind of his own." I stated, cause she really should know that shit.

"Well I think 'he'" she said using finger quotes "needs a name."

I couldn't help but smile. If someone would have told me three months ago that the timid preacher's daughter would be laying with me naked in her bed discussing my cock I would have laughed in their face and told them they had lost their fucking mind. And yet, here we were.

"Well then by all means you do the honors. What do you think would be a good name for him?." I really couldn't wait to hear what ideas she came up with.

"Humm. I'm not sure," she said while tapping her finger to her chin. "Maybe...well maybe I need to look at it again to get a better idea."

She sat up and looked at me expectantly. Well who the hell am I to deny the girl what she wants. So I moved the cape over, but kept it close to my side in case I needed it quickly again.

She tilted her head to the side examining it intensely. She leaned in closer to really inspect it. He of course stirred a little, and she squinted her eyes a bit as if trying to read his mind. Now I am not a bashful person, and I know my shit has got it going on, but with her starring at it that hard I had to wonder if there was something wrong. I lifted my head to get a good look at it myself. Everything seemed normal to me. I laid my head back down and closed my eyes, trying to relax while letting her take her time.

"It's umm, ...It looks different." She said after a minute.

Now I was getting a little self conscious I grabbed the cape and covered my man up before he got his feelings hurt. "It's not different, it's just not hard."

She giggled. "I didn't mean it in a bad way, I just have never seen a real one all up close and personal. Don't be so dramatic" She said tugging the cape away. "It's actually pretty cute."

Now that was simply not acceptable. "Bella, my dick is not cute. He is big and manly and rugged. Those are words you use to describe him. But definitely not cute."

She laughed at this and focused her attention back on my dick; "Okay big guy, what would be a good name for you?"

Knowing he was the center of attention, and liking it very much he twitched a little. Show off. And Bella fucking pointed at him and giggled. It is never a good idea to laugh at a mans dick. Thinking that he was being laughed at, he cowered back down and shriveled a little.

"You know the first name that comes to mind is Bob because he kind of 'bobs' around," she said waving her finger back and forth in a bobbing motion. I gave her a scowl.

"No way. I have an uncle Bob and he is fat and balding. So not happening."

"Okay I got it, lets call him little Eddie"

"Bella there is nothing little about him and he is offended by that statement. If he was going to be named for size it should be something like 'King Kong Dong'." I stated matter of factly.

Bella laughed hysterically, "So you want it named after a monkey?"

Oh hell no she didn't, "King Kong was not a monkey Bella."

"Jeez, for someone who was letting me be in charge of the name you sure are being picky."

"Sorry, but names are important. He will be branded for life and it needs to be a good name."

"Fine, let me sleep on it." She said with an eye roll.

I pulled her closer to give her a kiss. I didn't let the kiss linger because we didn't want the big man getting the wrong idea. "So does that mean you will be dreaming about my dick tonight?"

She covered her face in her hands and groaned. "Yeah, I probably will."

I kissed the tip of her nose. "Well I should let you get to it then."

She glanced over to the clock on her nightstand. "You probably should get going, my father should be home soon. But Edward thank you for everything tonight. For thinking of me and coming over here instead of staying at the party. For bringing me candy and for uh..all the other stuff." She said blushing.

I got up from the bed and started gathering my clothes so I could get dressed. It didn't go unnoticed by me that Bella was watching me unabashedly while I moved around her room naked. "And what other stuff would that be sweet girl?"

"Ugh Edward why do you always want me to say these things?"

I zipped my jeans up then slid my shirt over my head before sitting next to her on the bed again to put my shoes on. "Because I want you to feel confident enough around me to say what is on your mind and because it's hot as hell when you say sexual words."

"Edward I don't think I will ever be able to throw words like ...like cock, or dick or. fuck around in casual conversation. That's not really me."

I couldn't help but chuckle, "You had no problem saying fuck when my finger was buried deep in your pussy." I had to tease her, and she smacked my arm saying, "That was different."

"All I'm saying Bella, is show that same confidence. Tell me what you liked. What are you thanking me for? The orgasm?"

She cleared her throat, "Well yes, thank you for that amazing orgasm. I really enjoyed it...obviously."

I flopped back on the bed pulling her to my chest. "Come here silly girl. I enjoyed giving you the amazing orgasm, thank you for letting me and for giving me one in return." Now that I was fully dressed and the monster was back in his cage I felt it was a little safer to engage in some kissing action. I savored the kiss knowing it would be 2 days before I would get to see her again. As much as I hated not being able to see her I was thankful Jasper would have a few days to calm down before I had to face him again. I reluctantly pulled away. If I didn't stop this now we would both be getting undressed again, and I sure as hell didn't want the Rev. walking in on us this time.

I made my way to the window but before climbing out I turned to ask one last question. "Do you think Jasper is going to try to kick my ass? Not that I'm afraid of him, I just don't know what to expect from him."

"Umm," Bella thought for a minute biting her lip. "I'll talk to him tomorrow after he has had some time to cool down. But I wouldn't worry to much about it, Jasper is not normally a violent person."

"Okay, well good luck with that talk. Text me tomorrow when you get time, until then have sweet dreams about my dick."

She laughed and gave me a peck on my cheek. Then leaned in to whisper in my ear, "I will, and you have sweet dreams about my pussy."

And I was fucking hard again. "Fuck Bella, you can't do that shit to me when I'm leaving." I whined.

"Hey you are the one who told me to say what was on my mind." She said with a smug look.

"Mmm I do like it when you talk like that, I think I have created a monster. But if I don't leave now I never will, so goodnight love."

I climbed out of her window and headed to my car. The entire drive home all I could think about was how much I was falling for this girl. This modest, humble girl with all these morals and and religious rules. This girl that was so not my type but was everything I ever wanted. She made me think about things I had never even considered before. Like commitment, and long term relationships, and marriage and kids and shit.

Which is why when I walked into my house full of drunken teenagers and Lauren throwing herself at me I was able to walk away without a second thought. I didn't want this, I didn't want them. The only girl I wanted was a few miles away hopefully dreaming of my dick.

Friday and Saturday sucked ass. The days drug by and I was really missing Bella. I wasn't able to talk to her much because her father was around most of the time. I was up and ready Sunday morning before anyone else in my family. Church was like it was every other Sunday. It was great to see Bella but torture because we couldn't interact as a couple.

Buy Sunday night I was going crazy with anticipation. I wondered if she had been able to talk to Jasper. He didn't say anything to me at church at all. Nothing mean, but also no hey, or how's it going. I also wondered if she had time to process everything we had done Thursday night. I knew that was a big step for her, and it was fucking amazing for me. But she had a tendency to over analyze everything, and I worried that after some time she would regret it. I didn't want to rush things with her or push her into anything but damn, now that I know what it's like to do shit with her, it would be hard to go back to doing nothing.

I was relieved to see her rush into my arms Monday morning at school. She hugged and kissed me and I was glad to see she didn't seem to be weirded out by what had happened.

After a very long make out session I pulled away to get my bearings and catch my breath. "So uh, were you able to talk to Jasper?" I needed to be prepared before I went into school.

"Yeah we had a long discussion and everything is fine. It took a while, but once I told him that he was probably doing the same things and more with your sister he backed off. I wouldn't say he is thrilled with the idea, but he knows how I feel about you and he knows that you are not pushing the issue, that I am only doing things that I want to do."

I immediately tried to get the image of Jasper and Alice out of my head. That's just not the kind of shit I want to think about. "Well that's good to know. Not that I was worried, I just didn't want to have beef with Jasper." I said while linking hands with her and walking into school.

"Oh but I do have some uber exciting news!" Bella squealed.

I couldn't help but smile at her excitement. I loved seeing her happy. "And what is that beautiful girl?"

"I just found out last night, that our long time family friends the Webber's are coming to visit for two weeks over Thanksgiving. They are missionaries in Haiti and have been out of the country for the last nine months. The come back for a few moths at a time to visit with family and they always come see us. Angela and Aaron are just a few months older than I am. Their mom and my mom used to get us together for play dates all the time. Angela is amazing, you are going to love her."

Bella continued rambling about her friends Angela and Aaron who were apparently twins. They had been their neighbors for years in Arizona before their parents decided to enter the mission field. But even after they sold their house and left they always kept in contact. Mrs. Webber even came back and stayed with Bella and her family when Bella's mother passed away. She seemed to be a mother figure to her and I was glad things seemed to be looking up for Bella. Her home life had been even more stressful than usual lately. Apparently Charlie was upset with her because no kids signed up for the true love waits class. He told her if she had been setting a better example of what a Christian girl should be then more teens would want to follow. So he had been making her do more hours of bible study and requiring written essays of what she had been reading.

I am not sure how Bella dealt with it all. But she took it all in stride and said he was only doing what he felt was best.

By lunch time Bella had told me just about everything there was to tell about the family and I felt like I knew them personally myself.

We ate our lunch and joined in casual conversation with our friends. When the conversation turned to how drunk they had gotten at the party, and who hooked up with who we had nothing to contribute to that so we started our own conversation. Bella leaned in to whisper quietly, "I thought of a name."

"Oh yeah? What is it?" I asked as I took a drink of my coke.

"Arieh' it means lion. Lion's are like big, strong, and rugged. We can call it Ari for short."

I choked on the coke I was trying to drink and ended up spitting it all over the table catching Bella and everyone completely off guard.

Once I finally quit choking and was able to breath I let her know that would not work. "Ah no babe, I don't like that at all."

"Why not?"

No way I was telling her why, especially right now. "Uh, it just doesn't work for me. Sounds way to feminine."

She looked confused. I just shrugged my shoulders. "I don't like it."

"What are you two talking about that has you all flustered Edward?" Fucking Rose sticking her nose where it doesn't belong.

"Nothing," Bella and I said at the same time. I tried to play it off which just made everyone more curious.

Emmett never one to be left out added his two cents. "Come on, we are all friends here. Tell us."

I looked over to Bella who was blushing but she just rolled her eyes and nodded for me to go ahead.

"Are you sure? We don't have to talk about this." I told her letting her know it could just stay between us.

"It's fine, I'm sure they would all find out eventually anyway."

She didn't seem to mind and it really wasn't a big deal to me so I just said it. "Fine, nosy mother fuckers, you want to know. Bella is trying to think of a name for my cock. There, happy?"

And everyone laughed. Which was totally expected.

"Every one does that, I have a name for Emmett's." Rose said not seeming the least bit impressed with this information.

I was hoping the topic would now drop but no Jacob had to keep digging. "So what name did she come up with that made you spew your drink?"

Bella spoke up this time, "Arieh, Ari for short."

Jacobs eyes got as big as saucers. Yeah I told him about the chick with the tongue ring that swallowed. We were young, it was a big fucking deal, and I wanted to brag.

"No fucking way!" Jake practically yelled. I gave him the 'I will cut your fucking balls off if you say another word' look. He got it and he calmed right down adding "Yeah, thats a uh.. shitty name."

Everyone gave Jake a puzzled look then looked back at me. "What's going on here?" Rose asked suddenly interested in this topic again.

"Nothing." I said showing indifference "I just don't like that name."

"I know," Emmett said smacking his hand on the table, "How about Moses, ya know cause he parted the Red Sea to lead his people through it." And everyone laughed. Fuckers.

Bella gave me a sideways glance and I knew I would have to explain that later.

"Em how the fuck do you even know that?" I asked because I was honestly shocked he knew who Moses was.

"Bro, I did learn a thing or two in Bible school, before I started noticing girls and boobs."

"No, no I have one," Jake said between laughs, "St Peter, get it.... Peter," and he busted out laughing at his own joke.

"I think squirt is a good name." Jasper said with a smirk.

Although Jasper was being a smart ass I knew he was teasing and that we were good. It was better than the alternative I guess. I hoped like hell he would keep what he had seen between us. If the guys were teasing us this much about a name I can only imagine how much fun they would have with the information Jasper had.

This was going to get old fast. They continued thinking of silly names to get a laugh at my expense until the bell rang.

Bella had been even quieter than usual and I wondered if she was upset. Once we were settled in Biology I passed her a note.

_Well that was interesting. You are not mad are you, because you told me to tell them._

She wrote and quickly passed it back.

_Yes it was definitely interesting! No I am not mad at all. Just wondering why the name Ari got that reaction from you._

And I was so fucked. I scribbled down

_It's really not a big deal. Don't worry about it. We can talk about it later okay?_

She read it a few times before she wrote back_._

_The fact that you want to talk about it later tells me it has something to do with a girl, because that is always your response. Only later never comes. You want me to open up, well that goes for you to. If you want this relationship to flourish you have to be open and honest and answer questions when I ask them!_

Fuck. But she was right. I expect honesty and trust from her so I should give the same back.

_Fine, yes it is the name of a girl I hooked up with once. It didn't mean anything and it was a long time ago. _

I handed the paper back and hoped like hell she wasn't mad.

_Did you have sex with this girl?_

Finally a question I didn't mind answering.

_No, it didn't get that far._

She had a small smile and I was glad I could at least give her that. She wrote back and I was eager to see what she had to say.

_I had a second name that I liked in case the first got vetoed, which it did and I completely agree. If you 'hooked up' with someone with this name then we have issues._

_What's the name?_

I was truly curios.

_Samson, it means sun, and well it's corny but you are my sun so it kind of fit and it sounded masculine. We can call it Sam..._

I smiled Sam. I could do Sam. Some Amazing Muscle, Suckable And Megabig, Sensual And Magnificent....I could do this all day. So instead I wrote her back letting her know that would work.

_I like Sam. Sam I am. But I don't like green eggs and ham._

I passed the note back to her and she rolled her eyes but giggled. She wrote something and passed it back.

_So do you and Sam want to tell me finally how many girls you have 'hooked up' with?_

And just like that me and Sam were totaly fucked yet again.

**So it looks like they are finally going to have 'That' talk. I want to know what your guess is. How many girls do you think Edward has slept with?**

**Please leave me a review! It makes me super happy and RL has been pretty shitty lately, so I could use a reason to smile. :) We only have a few chaps left so leave me your love!**

**Chapter 24 is already started...in the next chapter we have Edwards answer, and some drinking games where secrets will be revealed!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight :(**

**A/N:**

**I know it has been a long long time since I posted a update, and it is well overdue. I do sincerely apologize. I have had some major RL issues that I had to deal with. Over the course of the last couple of months I have left my job that I was at for the last 6 years because of issues that were out of my control, it was a family owned business and it didn't go over well...in short there has been a lot of drama, a lot of hurt, and a division in family. To say I was stressed and not in the right frame of mind to write is a understatement...But I have moved on and found 'my happy place' again. I have started my own on-line business and have had to focus a lot of time and energy on getting it off the ground. On top of all the chaos my kids have been home for the summer and I have had to keep them entertained (not easily done when they are 4 and 5).**

**Thank you to those of you that have waited patiently and to those of you that have sent me messages and e-mails. I have made some great friends on here and I cherish each and every one of you! I promise this story will continue, I will never abandon it...it is to close to my heart to ever walk away from it.**

**Life is finally getting back on track for me so I hope to get back to a regular update schedule. I won't make any promises at this time of a certain update day, but I can tell you they will definitely come more frequently. **

**This chapter is short, but I felt obligated to post something. I hated to leave everyone hanging, so I hope this fills in some gaps. The next chapter is almost completed (I wrote it while on vacation lol) and should be sent to my beta in the next few days.**

******BIG THANKS & HUGS to my beta ManiacMotherland. She is amazing and I appreciate her so much! She just completed Bella's Cowboy Romance, it is a great read, you should definitely go check it out!**

**Sorry for the long ass authors note, I just missed you all so much :)**

**Chapter 24**

**EPOV**

Shit, fuck, damn. I really didn't want to have this conversation. But if I were going to be honest with myself, I knew it needed to happen. I mean, Bella had opened up to me so much and I didn't want our relationship to take a step backwards because I was being a fucking coward. She already knew about my past... somewhat, anyway. All she was asking for now was a few more details. And as much as I wished I could go back and erase my past, I knew I couldn't. All I could do was focus on the future, and my future was the beautiful girl sitting next to me, biting her nails and waiting on my reply. She deserved to know all about this stuff. Which meant, as bad of a taste as it left in my mouth, I was going to tell her what she needed to know. So I scribbled down a final comment and I passed her the note back.

_We will talk after school. I promise_.

As much as I was dreading this conversation, I knew it should be had in person. This is not the kind of shit that should be passed in a note at any rate.

The rest of the day passed way too quickly for my liking and I soon found myself outside in the parking lot, standing beside my car with Bella.

She was standing a few feet away and acting pretty distant. I hated that shit. So I reached out to her to pull her close to me. She looked at me with those big brown eyes that always melted my heart.

"What's wrong, angel?" I crooned. "Talk to me, Bella."

"I guess, I just don't understand why you don't want to tell me about your... errr, your past," she sighed. "I mean we talk about everything else. We have even had some intimate experiences together, and still you want to keep that part of your life a secret. I mean I know that you have had sex, that is no big secret here. So why are you so afraid to talk to me about it?"

Well, that certainly caught me off-guard and I shook my head a little to get my thoughts straight in my head.

"Bella, it's not that I don't want to talk to you. It's just that, well... it's just that I'm not proud of my past. I never thought I would meet someone like you, and I don't want you to think badly of me, or regret what we have done together."

"Edward, look at me. You are not that person anymore. If you were, there would not be a me and you to worry about. You have changed so much and I love you for that." She then stopped and seemed to be lost in thought for a moment. "You know what, don't worry about it. That was your past and it doesn't matter. You are not that person anymore, and if you want to keep the past in the past, I can respect that. I am well aware I will not be your first anything, and I accept that."

"See, that is where you are wrong, Bella, because you are my very first love and that makes everything so much more special with you."

As much as I wanted to keep my past hidden, I was ready to get rid of this black cloud hanging over us so I swallowed hard and blurted it out.

"Bella, I have had sex with 17 different girls. Some of them multiple times on many different occasions," I said in a low breath then watched her closely to gauge her reaction.

She let out a small gasp and I suddenly felt like a dirty man-whore. At that point, however, there wasn't much to do but finish what I had started.

"Honestly, I used to be proud of that, but I am not anymore. I won't go into details, but the reason that number is so high is because at one point Jake and I had a competition going to see who could bag the most girls. It was a game to us, and I regret it, I really do. I wish I could change my past... for you. You deserve someone so much better, someone with fucking morals."

Before I could continue my rambling, she placed her hand over my mouth to stop me.

"Stop right there, Cullen. We have already established that all of this happened in your past and you are not that person anymore. I admit that, in my opinion, the number is quite high, especially for someone your age. But you can't change it now, so all we can do is move forward from here."

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I wanted to kiss her so bad but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate given the current conversation. This is one more example of what a good person Bella was. She could look past my faults and forgive me for so all the mistakes I had made in the past.

Before I could think much more into it, she leaned forward and kissed me softly on my cheek. "Thank you, Edward, for telling me. I know it wasn't easy for you, but it shows how much trust in me and our relationship. That means a lot to me,"

I felt like a weight had been lifted and I couldn't help but smile at my beautiful, understanding girlfriend.

From that point on, our relationship seemed to move quite smoothly. She would occasionally ask me a question about my past sexual history, but nothing too specific, and I tried to keep the answers vague but honest.

Over time, her texting became quite good, and we even engaged in a little bit of sexting. I had convinced her late one night to send me some nude pictures, which I used to whack off to numerous times. She thought this was quite funny and would giggle and roll her eyes every time I told her about my encounters between me and her pictures on my phone. She didn't seem to actually have a problem with my jacking off to porn when it was her that was the porn star.

And as surprising as it might be, given some of my history, things weren't always sexual between us. We got involved in some pretty deep conversations and I continued to be amazed at her views on life and religion. There were a few things I could see her point on, but in regards to many more things, I felt her father was just brainwashing her into believing a whole load of bullcrap. She did seem to be coming out of her shell more and I was so happy she was experiencing life and forming her own opinion and thoughts.

The closer Thanksgiving got, the more I heard about her friends Angela and Aaron from back home in Phoenix. Don't get me wrong. I was happy that she is so excited, but still, there are only so many times you can hear how wonderful someone is before you get sick of it. I bit my tongue many times, not wanting to rain on her parade.

Angela and her family were coming in the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Bella and Jasper had convinced the Rev to have a small get-together at their home to welcome their guests and introduce them to some of the members of the church. The Rev agreed, probably just wanting to showoff in front of his long-time friends. Even preachers have some pride, after all. Even if it is a sin according to Bella. Whatever the reason, I was glad to be able to spend more time with Bella, even if I would have to be on my best behavior.

Saturday finally arrived and my parents Alice and I arrived about half an hour early to the gathering. I had been too impatient all day, for some reason almost nervous, so I rushed them to get there early. There were only two other cars in the driveway when we got there, so I assumed we were one of the first people to arrive.

As my family and I stood on the porch waiting for someone to answer the door, I kept replaying various safe topics through my mind that I could use to engage Charlie in conversation. I was determined to win him over. I am tired of the sneaking around, and while I was fully aware that Bella and I would never be able to kiss or probably even hold hands in front of him, I would like to be able to at least call her or come by for visits or sit by her at church. That much, at the very least.

Not to mention that I hadn't heard from Bella all day. I was sure that she had been preoccupied with her guests, but I had been missing her like crazy.

The door opened and just inside stood a lady that seemed to be in her mid-forties, wearing a apron and mixing something in a bowl.

"Hello there, my name is Maria," she said while wiping her hand on her apron and then extending it to my father then mother.

"My name is Carlise and this is my wife Esme, my daughter Alice and my son Edward."

Maria shook everyone's hand but stopped at me. "I have heard so much about you," she said with a wink. "It is so nice to finally put a face with the name, Edward."

Well, that was fucking awkward. Had Bella told her about me? About us? I wasn't sure what to make of that introduction.

"Kids, you have some company down here!" Maria then yelled up the stairs as she ushered us in the door.

"Is there anything I can help you with? I know we are a tad bit early," my mother said, cutting her eyes at me. "I would really love to help any way I can."

"I would love some help, Esme. I had to practically pry the bowl out of Bella's hand earlier. I told her I could handle it, and sent them all out together. But I think I have gotten a little behind schedule since then." Maria said with a chuckle.

My eyes went wild and before I could think about it I blurted out. "Bella went _out_? Together? With who together and where did she go? I need to be told these things!"

Yes, I knew that I sounded possessive and a bit crazy but Bella didn't "go out." Bella wasn't _allowed_ to "go out". And on the off-chance that she did "go out", then why didn't she call me? I could have met her somewhere. Surely this was a mistake.

Maria seemed a little taken back by comments, but responded quickly.

"Well, I've never heard for the need of such kind of arrangement to notify you, Edward, but Bella and Aaron went to the movies. Jasper had to work this afternoon and Angela needed to shop. She was convinced she didn't have any presentable clothes for our stay here." She said with a eye roll. "So I suggested Aaron and Bella see a movie while Angela shopped, because we all know how much Bella hates to shop. But she needed to get out and be a kid for a while."

Just as she was finishing telling me that my girlfriend had basically been on a date this afternoon, I heard loud laughter coming down the stairs. I would recognize that sound anywhere. It was musical and sweet. It was my Bella. As she came into sight, I could see the cause of her laughter. It was another guy. He was about my height, maybe a little shorter. He had a dark complexion with a crop of dark hair. I guess to some he would be considered good-looking, but all I could focus on was his big ears and crooked nose.

This must be the Aaron I have heard so much about. I had just kind of written him off and paid more attention when Bella had been talking about Angela. Now I was beginning to think maybe I should have paid more attention to the "Aaron this" and "Aaron that" comments that Bella has been making.

Why was he coming down the stairs with Bella? Had he been in her room? Where was Charlie and why was he allowing this? Why did I suddenly want to punch this guy in his face, rip his throat out, and kick him in the balls? Oh yeah, because he took my girlfriend on a fucking date. I practically growled as his foot hit the bottom of the stairs.

My parents had made their way to the kitchen with Maria, so that just left me here with Bella and her friends. Bella made introductions, but all I could do was glare at the motherfucker who was standing way too fucking close to my girlfriend for my liking. The dickhead just stared back at me, showing no intention of moving.

Jasper finally came down the stairs, immediately noticing the tension in the room and glancing from me to the guy a few times to figure out what the deal was. He then shook his head and let out a loud laugh.

"Oh this is going to be fun," he said, while making his way to Alice and kissing her cheek.

What the fuck is going on here? I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. Bella went out with another guy. Jasper made physical contact with my sister in his house. Where the fuck is Rev. Charlie? He would never allow this type of shit. I never thought I would see the day that I actually wanted the Rev around, but it was here and I wanted , no needed him to be here now and set this straight.

"Bella, uhhh… so I hear you went to the movies?" I asked, talking to her directly and not even attempting to acknowledge Aaron.

Bella had the nerve to answer me like nothing was wrong here.

"Yeah, Aaron and I went to see that new vampire movie everyone is talking about while Ang did some shopping. The movie was great. You should really go see it."

I tried to keep my temper under control, but I was finding it very difficult.

"Well, I actually would have loved to have seen it... with you," I started. "Why didn't you call me?"

Her smile faltered and I think she was finally beginning to realize I was not at all happy about this situation. "I am sorry, Edward, I honestly didn't even think about calling you. I guess we just got so engrossed in catching up that nothing else crossed my mind."

This explanation was not going to fly with me. Does she think it will make me feel better to know she went out with a guy and was not even thinking about me? As pissed as I was about this, I didn't want to look like a total ass in front of her friends.

"Well, I am glad you enjoyed it," I lied. I wasn't happy at all about her enjoying a movie with that fuck-face. "Actually, I was a bit surprised that your father allowed it. Where is Charlie, by the way?"

"Oh, he has been out all day making hospital visits. He should be back soon, though." She tried to sound nonchalant, but I could tell she was feeling the tension now as well.

And just because I wanted to be clear about the situation, I pointed my finger to the ass-wipe next to her and asked, "And your dad knows you went out today? To the movies. Out, like, alone with a guy. To the movies. With this guy? And he is okay with that?"

Bella chuckled, but it sounded nervous and forced. Before she could even respond, the dickweed put his arm around my girl, giving me a smug look.

"Dude, chill," he said. "Charlie loves me. So what ya gonna do? In fact, he has had me pegged as his future son-in-law since Bella and I were in diapers. Might as well get used to the fact… what was it again… Edmund?"

Was this guy for fucking real? Bella elbowed him slightly and mumbled something under her breath. Yeah, this guy was about to get one ass-whoopin' he would never forget. I don't give a fuck if I was in the Rev's house or not.

Just as I was about to lunge at him and knock him the fuck out, the girl, presumably Angela, slapped him quite hard on his arm and addressed him directly. "Quite being such a jerk. You know his name is Edward, Bella hasn't stopped talking about him all day." Aaron winced slightly at the fore she used ,but turned to walk away mumbling under his breath.

Angela then turned to me "Please don't hold the fact that he is my brother against me. I'm Angela" she said holding her hand out to me. "And it is very nice to finally meet you. Bella has said nothing but wonderful things about you. It's nice to finally meet the person that is making her so happy."

I shook her hand and decided I liked Angela very much. I was glad she had put the prick in his place I would have hated to get blood all over the Rev's carpet.

**And there you have it :) Next chapter will be up soon. Please review it makes me so happy to read them!**


	25. Chapter 25

**I checked again...but I still don't own Twilight or any of the characters :(**

**This was betaed by RachelleMyBell...Thank you so much, I heart you :)**

**Sorry this took longer than I thought, I tried to get this up a few times but ff would not cooperate with me!**

Chapter 25

BPOV

After Edward had finally told me how many girls he had been intimate with, I felt as though a strain had been lifted from our relationship. I can't say I was happy about the number of girls he had been with, honestly I was a bit surprised at how high the number was. But I needed to look past that and focus on the fact that he trusted me enough to be honest with me about it. He could have lied, and told me a much lower number, and I would have been none the wiser, but he had faith in me that I would understand and that we could finally move on. And if there was one thing I had stock in it was Faith.

After the initial shock wore off, I had a lot and I do mean a lot of questions. I decided to wait to ask my questions until we had some alone time together Friday night following our youth group meeting. Our meeting ended fairly early, since no one had shown up except Edward, Alice, Jasper and I. The others only bothered to show up when they didn't have anything else to do or if there was not a hot party going on. Tonight, however, I was glad there was a party so Edward and I could have some alone time.

I have a feeling Mr. and Mrs. Cullen would have given up their quest to save the youth a long time ago if it weren't for Jasper and I. The youth in the community had made no commitment to our youth group, and they let it be know that they would only be there when it was convenient for them. But Mr. and Mrs. Cullen never let it show if it did bother them. If no one but us four showed they would do a short lesson, and then have some discussion time then allow us to go do our own thing before Jasper and I had to head home for curfew. I think it is their way of allowing Edward and I, as well as Alice and Jasper some sort of normal teenage relationship, because after the meeting was over it was basically a Friday night date night.

Usually Edward and I would go to his room and hang out. Sometimes we would spend the entire time making out and others we would spend the time laying in his bed debating different topics. He would state his opinion on a matter and I would try to find something in the Bible pertaining to the subject to counter his argument. We never really got angry or took it to seriously we just like to debate different topics to see where the others perspective was coming from.

Our latest topic of discussion, as silly as it may be was about whether or not ghost were real. Edward insisted they were since the Bible made several references to 'spirits', and because he regularly watched Ghost Hunters, so it must be real. While I had no idea what Ghost Hunters was, I did remember reading in the Bible once that there was no after life just Heaven or Hell. It took me a few days but I had done my research and had the Bible verses to back my theory up, but I had a feeling tonight we would not be discussing ghost.

Once the short lesson was over, Edward practically dragged me to his room I began to feel nervous. Maybe I shouldn't bring up all his past relationships again. Maybe I could just let it all go. I mean it's not like I wanted specifics like all their names or the different positions he'd had them in. I was just curious about the smaller details.

As I sat on his bed debating whether or not I should bring the subject up, I was oblivious to the fact that Edward was trying to get my attention. Finally he threw himself on the bed beside me bringing me back to the moment.

He let out a loud gust of air and tucked a stay hair behind my ear. "What is it baby girl? You are a million miles away, tell me what is going on."

I decided I would ask just a few questions. My curiosity simply could not wait any longer. The problem was I didn't know how to bring the subject up or how to exactly word the questions correctly.

"I...um...well...I" I stuttered making absolutely no sense at all.

He gave me a crooked smile, "Come on Bella, spit it out. "He obviously had no idea where I was taking this conversation or he would not be pushing the issue.

Taking a deep breath to gain some confidence I spoke barely above a whisper, "Okay well I had a few questions I had hoped you could answer for me."

Still oblivious to where I was going with this, he prompted me once again, "Sure thing, shoot."

I wasn't sure if I could do this so I tried stalling once again. "Well it's kind of personal questions, so if you don't want to answer I will understand."

This time he gave me a eye roll. "Bella just ask me."

Well he asked for it. Before I had time to actually think about how to word the questions properly I just blurted it all out and hoped he could comprehend. "How old were you when you lost your virginity? Who was she? The first girl that you were ah..with, who was she? Do I know her? Was it weird, I mean did you feel uncomfortable or was it all just you know...good? Was she a virgin also? Did you like date her after that or was it just a sex thing? What girls at our school have you...um...done it with?" Total word vomit.

His complete expression changed from Mr. Cocky to complete shock. He was obviously not expecting me to ask about _that_. Time seemed to stand still and he stared at me blankly. I was feeling embarrassed and quite awkward. When it became obvious he either wasn't or couldn't speak I decided a change in subject was needed.

I tried to speak and nothing came out so I cleared my throat and tried again. "Hebrews 9:27 says ' Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment', and Mathew 25:46 says 'Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.' So clearly Ghost are not real. You live then you die and you face judgment and go to heaven or hell."

Still nothing so I continued "Sorry to burst your bubble about your Ghost show but it is obviously fake, they probably just play with the lighting or set up voice recorders to make you think they are really finding ghost but they are really just trying to boost ratings." Yeah I was rambling but I was trying, I was failing miserably, but I was trying. Maybe if I just kept talking he would forget what I had originally asked and we could pretend like it didn't happen.

Just as I was explaining about how there are angels and demons mentioned in the bible but how they are different than an actual 'ghost' He interrupted me.

"Bella, Bella, wait. I don't really give a shit about the ghost thing, go back to your first question. Why did you ask me that? Do you really want to hear about that stuff?"

I gave him a shoulder shrug "Is that weird? I mean that I asked you about it? It's not like I want to know specific details, I was, well am just curious about it."

He sat up beside me and took my hand rubbing small circles with his thumb. I love it when he does this. I can't explain the feeling it's just calming. "I don't think it's weird baby, and I guess I could see how you would want to know some answers, I just think if the situation was reversed I wouldn't want to know about the guys you were with or whatever. I think it would just piss me off to think about it. I don't want you thinking about the other girls cause they don't matter, you are the only thing that matters to me anymore."

I couldn't help but smile, this boy was just so darn sweet. "Thank you for reassuring me, but I promise it's not a insecurity thing, I am just curious, I want to know everything about you."

He looked me in my eyes for a few seconds before he responded. I guess he found what he was looking for because he finally said, "Okay." He put his hands on his knees and after a minute he said, "Okay" again. If the situation wasn't incredibly awkward it would be funny.

He stood abruptly and started pacing back and forth in front of his bed. "Okay... I was uh.. fifteen when I lost my virginity." He stopped pacing to look at me for a few seconds before he continued. I made sure to control my facial expressions so he would feel comfortable enough to continue. "It was at a party I was pretty messed up so I really don't remember if it was awkward or not. It was over pretty fast." He blushed slightly and flashed me his signature smile as he said this. "Like really, really fast, it was definitely not one of my finer moments. I uh...have no idea if she was a virgin, I didn't ask and she didn't say. No I didn't date her, I didn't do the date thing you know that. I did hook up with her a few times after that but it was never anything more than just a sex thing." He stopped once again to gauge my reaction and I remained expressionless. "You don't know her, she moved away about two years ago. As far as which girls at our school, I'm not sure what you are looking for here Bella, do you want like a list or something?"

I had to think about this. Did I really want a list? No, not so much, there were just a few girls in particular I was curious about. I figured I already knew the answers but I just wanted confirmation. "No, I don't need a list I just wondered about a few girls in our class." I paused to think about who I would ask about first. "Jessica is kind of a given." I said not really expecting a reply.

He granted me one anyway,"Well yeah."

"Lauren?"

"Yep" he said popping the p.

"Tonya?"

This time he gave me a head nod.

"Jane?" I wasn't as sure about her as I was the others but she was always giving me dirty looks and I couldn't help but wonder why.

"Yeah." He said looking anywhere but at me.

"Bree?"

He looked hopeful for a moment "Uh no, I never...with her, she just uh.. serviced me a few times."

I had no idea what that meant so I decided to ask. "Serviced?"

He suddenly looked uncomfortable again." Yeah, she umm...you know..." He said waving his hands around.

I wasn't sure if this was a new term or what but I was so confused. "No I really don't know." I stated hoping he would explain it.

He let out a sigh before he spoke " She sucked my dick, that's what serviced means. She sucked my dick a few times but I never had sex with her."

"Oh, okay...well thanks for clearing that up for me." I said not knowing what else to really say. I could tell that he was very uncomfortable with this conversation but there was one last thing I needed to know.

"I have one more question, then I promise we are done."

He looked relieved, but I was nervous about this last question. "Please be honest with me, even if I won't like the answer."

He chuckled a little "Bella, baby if I was going to lie I would have done it a long time ago, no point in starting now."

He had a good point there. Knowing he would tell me the truth I asked my next question "When was the last time you had sex?"

He thought about it for a minute while starring at the wall. When he finally responded I have to say I was happy with the answer. "It has actually been a long fucking time, I wonder if one can become re-virginized?" He stopped to look at me and smile. "It was over the summer before you came to town. I haven't been with anyone since I first laid eyes on you. "He paused for a moment probably trying to decide if he should continue, and he finally did. "I tried once with Jess at the party that first night I met you, but I guess my sub conscious was working in my favor, cause I couldn't get it up for her. All I could think about was you downstairs with fucking James."

This oddly enough made me smile. He hadn't had sex with anyone since he had met me, even when we weren't officially together. As happy as this made me he still looked as worried as a lost puppy. I know Edward often worried that I would hear some part of his past and it would send me running, but that was not the case. I don't think Edward could ever tell me anything that would make me question my love for him, and sometimes he needed to be reminded of that. I scooted up his bed, laying down I reached my arms out to him, "Come here."

He complied and crawled up the bed to lie down beside me. I placed my hands on either side of his face. It seemed he was the one who now needed reassurance. "Thank you for answering all my questions, I know it wasn't easy for you, but I want you to know I really appreciate your honesty. Nothing has changed I still love you with my whole heart, you know that right?"

"I know," he said running his thumb over my bottom lip. "But there is still one issue left unresolved."

I was confused I though we had covered everything. "What's that?"

"My Ghost Show as you call it is so not fake. I can't believe you would even say that. Ghost are most definitely real and if you ever took the time to actually watch the show you would know this too."

I had to laugh at his silliness. I loved that we could go from serious to silly at the drop of a hat.

"Maybe someday I will watch it, but I doubt it will be any time soon since I don't have cable." I reminded him.

"Oh, yeah I forget about that. Man that really has to suck ass, not being able to watch TV." He stated. I didn't bother replying because it really did kind of _suck ass_ but there wasn't anything I could do about it.

"Oh," he said suddenly, "I think I can fix our problem."

I wasn't sure what problem he was talking about but then he leaned over me, laying almost completely on top of me. The closeness of him and the feeling of his weight on my body made my body tingle and without thinking I closed my eyes and involuntarily moaned. He stilled on top of me and when I opened my eyes I realized his arm was reached over fumbling with something on the nightstand.

He held up a remote control and had a cocky grin on his face. "I have a few episodes of Ghost Hunters TVO'ed."

I have to admit I was a little disappointed that his intention wasn't to make out with me but I tried not to let it show. While yes kissing Edward was the best thing on the planet I could do anything with him and be happy, even watch a stupid show about fake Ghost.

I wasn't disappointed very long because he tossed the remote to the end of the bed. "TV can wait, I like your idea much better." He mumbled into my neck as he licked and sucked it.

I moaned again, a bit louder this time as he ran his hands up and down my torso. I tried to arch into him but I was pinned down by his body. He pulled up a bit and I immediately missed the closeness. "Are you okay? Am I to heavy?"

"No, I like it," I said only slightly blushing. "I don't think I can ever get close enough to you, I always want to be closer, consumed by you, to just be one with you."

He apparently liked that idea, because he pressed his body back to mine and devoured my lips. The kiss was sloppy and wet like he couldn't get enough. His lips eventually moved down my neck to the juncture of my throat and shoulder. His body shifted slightly to the side and he started unbuttoning my shirt. When he got to the third button he stopped to whisper in my ear, "Is this alright, baby?" Before sucking on my ear lobe.

We didn't usually go under the clothes, it was a line we rarely crossed but tonight I didn't mind one bit.

"Oh God yes." It came out as a whimper moan.

This caused Edward to chuckle,"Some one is horny tonight. Do you want me to get you off baby girl?"

This was no time for me to be shy "Oh yes, please."

I am not sure what is going on with me or my body. I usually have much more control of myself but the more I am with Edward, the more I find myself craving him, and his touches, and kisses, and the butterflies he gives me.

I had even thought about having sex with him, and honesty had quite a few dreams about it. It's not something I would act on, or even bring up to him, but the thought had crossed my mind. I wondered what it would be like to be that close to him, to feel him inside of me, to be connected in the most intimate way possible. I knew I wouldn't give in to that desire because I truly do want to save myself for marriage, but still it is nice to dream about it from time to time.

Edward had made quick work of undoing my shirt and bra and quickly brought me back to reality by sucking my nipple into his warm mouth. He moaned and it sent vibrations through my entire body. I knew it wouldn't take him long to 'get me off' as he put it but I hoped this feeling would last forever. I bucked my hips desperately seeking the friction down there that I wasn't getting.

This caused Edward to chuckle again. "Damn baby you are very impatient tonight." He obviously found this more humorous than I. I made a mental note to repay the teasing favor as soon as I was not so occupied.

He sat up to unbutton my pants and pulled them down along with my panties. I was thankful I had taken Alice's advice and started matching my undergarments, not that he seemed to really notice, still it made me feel more sexy. He sat back on his heels to study my body. I should have felt self conscious, but I didn't, all I could think was I wish he didn't have so many clothes on. "Will you take your shirt off?" I asked wanting to feel the skin to skin contact. His eyes shot up to mine and without saying any words he hastily removed his shirt and threw it to the floor.

He lowered himself back down pressing his bare chest to mine, and spoke directly in my ear, "So fucking beautiful."

His husky lust filled voice made my body temperature rise more, if that was even possible. His hands and mouth were everywhere all over my body. And though I loved it he was still avoiding the place I most wanted attention.

Finally not being able to hold out any longer I reached for his hand and placed it exactly where I wanted it. As soon as I felt the contact my body arched up to his touch. "Please," I practically begged.

Edward had the most arrogant grin on his face as he began lightly stroking up and down my slit. He lowered his mouth to my nipple once again as he slowly slipped a finger inside of me. The feeling was phenomenal and I am sure he knew that from the strangled moan that came out of my mouth. I tried to thank him but I couldn't seem to form any coherent words as he sped up his thrusting. I was so close I could feel that familiar tingle spreading throughout my stomach just as I was sure I would fall over the edge he stilled his finger inside of me.

"You know baby, if you would do this, touch yourself sometimes, you wouldn't have all this built up sexual frustration. Not that I am complaining one bit about doing this with you, but you should be able to pleasure yourself when you want to." His voice was low and cautious as he spoke. He slowly withdrew his finger and kissed me gently sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. "Will you do it now? For me?"

I wasn't sure how to respond to that request. This is something I had no experience in and I didn't even know what to do. "I...I...I don't know how to."

He kissed me long and slow once again this time using his tongue to explore my mouth. Pulling away he grabbed my hand and began trailing it down my body. "It's okay, I will show you."

He moved to sit on his heel between my legs spreading them wide open. He slowly guided my hand down taking one of my fingers and stroking it up and down my wetness. After a few strokes he released my hand and watched as I continued doing exactly what he had shown me. "That's it baby, do whatever feels good, listen to your body."

I stroked a few more times before plunging my finger inside. We both moaned at the same time. He was enjoying this just as much as I was. Don't get me wrong it felt much better when he was doing this, but I could see why people would do it when that was the only available option. I began pumping faster responding to what my body wanted. I let out a moan that could probably be counted as a scream and arched my body up as my body started contracting and and I knew my orgasm was approaching.

"Holy. Fucking. Shit." Edwards outburst momentarily halted my movements and he quickly removed my hand replacing it with his mouth. I was shocked but as soon as he sucked on me then inserted his tongue I lost it. He continued licking and sucking on me as I writhed around and screamed out in ecstasy. He grabbed onto my hips trying to somewhat hold me still as he continued to give me what can only be described as the best orgasm ever in the history of orgasms. Not that I had much to go off of but I can't imagine anything ever compared to this. He continued using his amazing mouth on me until I was completely done and laying limp in his bed. Even then he gave a few more licks for good measure I guess.

When he emerged from between my legs he was panting and smiling from ear to ear. He slowly crawled up my body and leaned in to give me a kiss. I wanted to stop him and tell him to wipe his mouth off first but I didn't have the energy.

When he pulled away from the kiss he waited until I opened my eyes and looked at him before he spoke. "I'm sorry." He said and he truly did look remorseful.

I didn't understand why he would feel the need to apologize for that. "What are you sorry for?"

He laid down beside me propping his head up on his elbow. I mimicked his position so we could be face to face.

"I am sorry for just doing that without asking first, I shouldn't have just done that without making sure it was something you were okay with."

Was he serious? "Trust me you don't need to apologize, you didn't do anything I wasn't comfortable with."

"Good because I don't ever want to go to far and you not be okay with it, it was just impulse, I acted before I thought it through."

"Baby, I promise it was fine. You didn't do anything wrong, so stop worrying." I really wanted him to understand that I was okay with this.

"Okay, no more worrying. So umm...was that okay, because I have never actually done that before so I am not sure of all the correct techniques and..."

I had to stop him from his rambling "Are you telling me the Edward Cullen is doubting his skills?" I couldn't help but laugh.

He rolled his eyes, but cracked a smile. "I am serious Bella, that is new for me, you have to tell me what's good and what's not."

I hated that Edward was questioning himself but I was also very happy that I was the very first person who ever experienced that with him. "Baby, were you not listening just then? You made my body feel things I didn't know was possible. That was the best, most intense sensation I have ever experienced. You did it perfectly, I wouldn't change a thing." I reiterate this by leaning in to give him a passionate kiss.

He responded by rolling over on his back and pulling me with him so I was laying on top of him straddling a very hard Sam. He ran his fingers lightly down my back and over my very naked butt. I wondered if I should get dressed, but this felt so nice I hated to move.

"So does that mean I can do that again sometime? Because I really,really enjoyed licking your pussy." He asked obviously very proud of himself.

"That would be a definite yes, when ever you feel the need I am more than willing to comply." I answered happy to know he enjoyed doing it.

I had to eventually wiggle a little bit to get in a more comfortable position which caused Edward to grunt followed by a 'Fuck'. I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not so I decided to do it again just to test out my theory that he liked it. And yep, sure enough same response.

Before I had time too continue testing my theory he lightly tapped my behind "You are going to have to get up baby girl, I have to go take care of this now, cause it is definitely not going away any time soon."

I was feeling pretty confident so I decided to help Edward with his problem. I am quite positive he won't mind.

I sat up placing my hands on his chest which caused him to let out a long "mmmmmmmm". I wasn't exactly sure what my next move would be so I sat there being very still trying to think of what to do next. Edward cocked a eyebrow giving me a smug look. He didn't think I would go through with anything. It was a challenge and now it was my turn to tease him a little. He obviously didn't know how much confidence a mind blowing orgasm could give a woman.

I ground down on him rotating my hips a little. He reached up to cup my breast and pinch my nipple which caused me to pick up my pace a little and grind even harder.

"Jesus, Bella, what are you doing?" He asked as he grabbed a hold of my hips to still me. He didn't apply much pressure and the feel of his hands on my hips while I was naked on top of him just spurred me on even more. I kept up my pace as I leaned down to kiss his chest, then lowered my mouth to his ear.

"I am just practicing... to see what it would be like if we ever had sex while I was on top."

"Fuuuckk baby you can't say things like that to me. You are going to make me jizz all in my pants."

"I can fix that problem." I said giving him a wink and getting off of him so I could undo his pants. Sam seemed more than thrilled to be set free and I wasted no time wrapping my hand around him and stroking up and down. I noticed the sticky drop at the top, I looked to Edward. "It's pre-cum baby. You have me very turned on." I spread the liquid on my fingers and continued stroking. This caused Edward to shout out a long list of very explicit words. I had wondered about other parts of his manhood so I decided now was a good time to check them out. I switched hands that I was pumping him with and used my free hand to lightly squish his ... _balls _I assume was the correct term...and immediately he was erupting in my hand. The ooziness between my fingers was not the best feeling in the world but I was happy that I was able to reciprocate for him.

He kissed me telling me thank you several times before getting up to get us something to clean up with. By the time that we cleaned up and dressed it was time for me to go home. It was hard to leave him after we had experienced so much but I went to sleep very satisfied that night.

It was that following Sunday night during our regular texting session that he brought up my 'practicing'.

Our conversation had started off normal. How was your day? I miss you. I can't wait till I see you again. And then it got a little deeper.

_Baby I have been wanting to talk to you about the other night. Everything was fantastic, I had a great time, I just wonder where the whole practicing thing came from._

_-E-_

Crap I should have know he would bring it up sooner or later. I had to respond but I didn't really know what to say because it was such a spur of the moment thing.

_I don't really know where it came from. I just kind of went with what I was feeling, and I wanted to get you back for teasing me earlier._

_-B-_

_Ok I get that. Sam and I were just curious about it. So to clarify, you were just teasing us, and not really practicing to see what it would be like to ride my dick._

_-E-_

Oh sweet Mary Mother of Jesus. How can this boy get me so hot and bothered just through a text message.

_Umm honestly it was a little of both. I wanted a lot to tease you, and I wanted a little to see what it would be like to be on top of you in that position._

_-B-_

_Well baby you feel free to practice anytime you want. ;) So does this mean that you have previously thought about having sex with me, or was that a one time thought?_

_-E-_

Ugg what to tell him. Have I thought about it, well yes, but do I plan on acting on it no, so I don't want to give him any false hope. I decided to flip the roles a bit.

_Have you thought about having sex with me?_

_-B-_

_I think about it daily. I think about how good you will feel, how tight and warm you will be. I think about the noises you will make as I make you come. I think about what it will be like to make love for the first time and not just be doing it to have something to do. I think about you under me, on top of me, me behind you...so yeah I think about it._

_-E-_

Wow that is not what I was expecting at all. I was suddenly very warm and wet down there. Before I could even begin typing he sent me another message.

_But just because I think about it does not mean I plan to act on it. I respect you and your vow of Chasity. I mean really I have a fuck hot girlfriend who I love more than anything in the world if I didn't think about what it would be like to have sex with her then I would either be stupid or gay. _

_-E-_

This made me giggle. I had to ask him a question and I hoped he would answer me seriously.

_So if you know it is never going to happen, why waste so much time daydreaming?_

_-B-_

_Because I don't think it's a day dream. Bella I love you and I plan to be with you forever, even if I have to wait until we get married to make love to you then so be it. But let me just warn you I will have tons, probably millions of fantasies tucked away by the time we get married so I hope you are prepared. We may not even leave our house the first year._

_-E-_

Marriage was not something that we regularly discussed, the subject had been broached before but he had never made such a certain statement about us being married one day. My smile was so big it literally hurt my face. I know we are young and a lot could happen, but just the fact that he had even thought about it made my heart soar. Our house, he said our house. He has thought about us having a house.

_You there baby? Your turn to answer my question. Have you thought about what it would be like to have sex with me?_

_-E-_

_Honestly, yes I have thought about what it would be like to share that experience with you. I have thought about it a few times actually, I wonder what it will feel like and I crave the closeness we will have. So I guess the other night was me just wanting to experience some form of that. I know it probably seems silly because it was just me naked sitting on you and nothing close to what sex would be like, but it's the closest thing I have because although I may think about it, I do intend to wait until I am married to loose my virginity. It makes me really happy that you understand and respect that decision._

_-B-_

_I really do babe, I admire your strength, I wish I had met you sooner so I would have the same thing to offer you on our wedding night. And until then we can practice all you want. Practice does make perfect after all, and Sam, well he really enjoyed it._

_-E-_

_Well anything for Sam. How is he by the way?_

_-B-_

Edward wasted no time replying back to me saying _Sam says he misses you terribly_.

I bit my lip and held my breath as I typed back _Tell him I miss him to, and hope to see him soon._

It was a good thing he couldn't see me because I was blushing furiously.

It took Edward mere seconds to reply _You can see him right now if you really want to_

I almost ran to my window to see if he was outside. I hoped not because my father was home tonight and there was no way I was sneaking Edward in here.

Before I could freak out to much my phone vibrated with another text. I opened it and was so shocked that I dropped my phone making a soft clatter on the floor. I immediately picked the phone back up and studied the picture for a long, long time. He had sent me a picture of … his penis, and it was definitely hard.

He gave me time to process before he sent me another text. _Did you get the pic baby?_

I decided to be brave and flirt back with my boyfriend. _I did, and wow. I wish I was there to help him out._

_Oh yeah? And just what would you do if you were here?_

_-E-_

Should I tell him what I really want to do? I decided yes I could tell him, I mean it's not like I have to do anything right now so I have time to work up the courage. _I would really like to put him in my mouth..._

_Fuck Bella, that was so fucking hot. I am so hard right now it hurts. I wish you were here so I could eat your sweet pussy again...Will you touch yourself for me?_

Was he serious? He had to be joking. But this was Edward so he was probably already...

_Are you touching yourself right now?_

_-B-_

_Yes baby I am, and I am thinking about your hand running up and down my cock. And your hand feels so fucking good Bella. Touch yourself baby..._

I figured why not, I am already so turned on I would probably do it when I went to bed anyway.

_OK_

_-B-_

_Will you send me a pic baby? Please? I want to see you pleasuring yourself._

I could not believe I was actually doing this. I must have lost my mind. But I did it. I took the picture and sent it to him.

I didn't get a reply and I started to worry that maybe he didn't like the picture. Suddenly my phone started vibrating again. Edward was calling me.

"Hello" I whisper answered.

"Baby I know you can't talk so just listen and keep playing with yourself for me. You are so fucking hot and the picture you sent me made me shoot my load instantly. Now I want you to imagine it's my finger fucking you baby. I would go slow at first, enjoying your wetness on me, then speed up when I know you wanted more. You feel so good around my finger, but not as good as you feel on my tongue. And Jesus Fucking Christ you taste like heaven. I could eat you for every meal and be satisfied.." He continued talking and breathing heavy in the phone. It took me a minute to realize what he was doing. He was going to talk me through my orgasm. And he did,,,,, and it was amazing. Not like when Edward does it amazing. but it got the job done. Edwards husky voice talking dirty in my ear while I played with myself sent me over the edge fairly quickly and left me exhausted. We ended our call call with whispered I love yous and a new first for each of us.

The next few weeks went by in a blur. I was so excited that My friends Angela and Aaron were coming in to visit for Thanksgiving with their parents. The day that they finally arrived I think I could have peed in my pants I was so happy to see them. We all spent some time catching up, and Mrs Webber stole Angela and I away for some private girl time which I used to tell them all about Edward. They both seemed so happy for me and I couldn't wait until the community cookout we were hosting so I could introduce them. It was great having Angela and her mom to talk to, I really missed having a woman to talk to about feelings and just girl things. I mean there was always Alice, and I loved her, but sometimes it was just awkward because she was Edwards sister.

I was in the kitchen making some of the finger foods for the cookout when Mrs Webber came in and basically kicked me out of my own house. She said I needed to act like a teenager even if it was only while she was in town. Angela wanted to do some shopping so she suggested Aaron and I go to a movie. I was concerned that my father would not approve so Mrs Maria called him to make sure it was alright with him. He said he didn't care, had it been anyone else he would have blown a gasket but he had known the Webbers since before we were born so I guess he looked at it as extended family.

Aaron and I dropped Ang off at the mall and we went to the cinema across the street. He let me pick the movie I wanted to see and I chose the Vampire movie all the kids at school had been talking about. Aaron bought me some popcorn and a drink even after I told him he didn't have to. Him and Ang had changed a lot since the last time I had seen them. I guess I had changed also, because Aaron kept telling me how grown up and pretty I looked, and he had never said things like that before. After the movie we went to get some ice cream as we waited for Angela to finish up her shopping.

The conversation was so easy with Aaron, we never ran out of things to talk about and it was so nice to catch up. Though every time I brought up Edward he would huff or change the subject. I figured he was just being overprotective, I mean after all I am like his little sister, and once he met him and got to know him a little he would be more supportive.

I was glad when Angela finally joined us and we were heading home. I loved all the Webbers but I had missed Angela most of all and I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her, not knowing when I would get to see her again.

Once we made it back I asked Mrs. Maria if I could help her and she of course denied any help. We all went up to Jaspers room to hang out until the guest started to arrive. Angela did a fashion show for us showing us all the new clothes she had gotten. We were getting bored in between outfit changes so Jasper went to grab a snack from the kitchen and Aaron thought it would be fun to torture me and hold me down on the bed to tickle me. I was laughing so hard I had tears running down my face. He stopped to wipe them away with his thumb and of course Jasper walked back in that very moment.

Jasper had a very confused look on his face but it didn't take him long to find his words "What in the hell are you two doing?"

I was taken back by his harshness, and Aaron immediately got up letting me off the bed.

"Nothing, we were just playing around." Aaron responded nonchalantly.

Jasper looked from me to Aaron a few times before shaking his head and mumbling something under his breath. I wasn't sure what the big deal was I would have to remember to ask Jasper about it later.

When we were called downstairs I was excited and hoping it would be Edward. I had had fun catching up with my friends but I missed him terribly.

Ang was changing back into her cookout clothes so Aaron and I headed down the stairs, and he of course started tickling me again. I couldn't help my loud laugh and I am sure it echoed throughout the entire house.

As soon as I reached the bottom steps I saw Edward, and he didn't look happy at all. Introductions did not go well at all. I had hoped Edward and Aaron would hit it off but Edward was mad and Aaron was being a jerk so I didn't see them becoming fast friends.

I wasn't sure why Edward was so upset that I had gone to the movie with a friend, that was basically like a brother to me. But he was, and I wasn't sure why Aaron was being such a jerk and intentionally trying to upset Edward even further. But he was. One thing I was sure of though, was that this was going to be one long night.

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**Rec's**

**The Handcuff Bracelet by Lykosdracos**

**Closer by TeamBella23**

**These stories are amazing so check them out!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: Even after all this time I still don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

**A/N**

**In case I don't say it enough... Thank you to all my readers, reviewers, alerters and anyone that has given this story a chance. If you haven't already feel free to msg me anytime. I love talking to and getting to know my readers :)**

**Big huge thanks to ManiacMotherland for betaing this chapter. She is amazing and helped me so much with this. You really should check out her story Just like a Woman. Trust me on this... you will be captivated. I added a few things after I got this back from her so any mistakes left are purely mine.**

******HAPPY BIRTHDAY Patchsfallenangel, Love ya babe :)**********

**Also don't forget October is Breast Cancer Awareness..so get those tatas checked :) My daughter and I are both sporting our pink hair extensions this month!**

**There are a lot of Biblical references in this chap, so if that isn't your thing you might wanna skip this chap...just sayin.**

Chapter 26

**EPOV**

Bella quickly recovered from the cluster fuck that was our introductions and turned all her attention towards me.

"Edward, listen, I am so sorry for not calling you earlier and telling you about the movie. It was all very last minute and I... I just haven't seen my friends in so long. Time just seemed to slip away from me as we were catching up." She pleaded with me to understand. She paused for a moment, but looked like she had more to say so I waited patiently until she decided to continue." And I'm truly sorry for the way Aaron is acting. I have no idea what the heck is going on with him."

The look in her eyes told me she truly was feeling guilty, and I suddenly felt like a major asshole.

As I reached out for Bella, she quickly grasped my hands and let me pull her toward me. I tucked her into a tight embrace, not wanting to let her go. I have to admit, it felt kind of strange having physical contact with her in her house in front of people, but I thought _What the hell_. If Jasper and Alice can do it, so can I. I secretly wished that I could discretely suck on her neck and leave a big purple hickey there, so I could mark her as my own. That, or I could just whip Sam out and piss on her leg, but I don't think Bella would appreciate either one, so I settled for just holding her close for as long as possible.

I'm not gonna lie, I hoped like hell my scent was all over her now so that all other male specimens would tuck their tails and run when they caught a whiff. I tried to talk in a low voice so everyone wouldn't hear exactly how whipped I was, but let's face it, everyone already knew, and they were some nosy motherfuckers, so I'm pretty sure they were listening closely to my response.

"Bella, really it's not that big of a deal. I'm probably overreacting... a tad. Let's just forget about it so our night is not ruined, okay?"

I felt her head nod against my chest, and I took a deep breath to collect my calm. I had a feeling Aaron was not done testing my patience, and I was already looking forward to his date of departure.

Bella pulled back slightly and pushed up on her tippy toes to brush her sweet lips against mine in a chaste kiss. The kiss was over way too quickly for my liking, so I decided to voice my opinion on the matter.

"Any chance we have time to sneak away to your room for a while?" I smirked.

Angela cut in on that plan right away, however. "Hey, now. None of that. I will be sleeping on that bed for the next two weeks, and I prefer it to be untainted by any bodily fluids."

Jasper was quick to reply in a low mumble. "It's too late for that."

"Ewwww," Angela groaned as she punched Jasper in the upper arm.

And then like a light bulb went off, Angela's eyes got huge as she turned to Bella " He is joking right? I mean I don't want to get personal, but ..um I mean you wouldn't...you haven't...uh...he is just joking right?" Angela stuttered out obviously not knowing how to exactly ask that question.

Like I said, nosy motherfuckers who can't mind their own business. That aside, I truly did like Angela and I gave Jasper a mental high five for calling me out. That is something I totally would have done.

I watched as Bella tried to recover from her embarrassment. It was actually quite funny watching her try to come up with a reply for Angela. After a few minutes, she finally gave up and sighed loudly. "No Ang, It not..umm what you think, we haven't ..uh..you know..so yeah everything is good." Bella's cheeks were burning bright red with blush and I did feel kind of bad for putting her in that predicament.

I guess she decided a change in topic was needed, because Bella cleared her throat and started walking toward the kitchen.

"How about we go see if we can help set up?" she offered we all agreed, heading toward the kitchen where we found Mrs. Webber and my mother chatting and laughing like they were old friends. They quickly filled our arms, telling us to set up everything out back.

There were already several tables set up in their small backyard, so we started setting out the side dishes along with plates, cups, napkins… the usual cookout bullshit. There was a guy I didn't recognize manning the grill with a large plate of uncooked meat sitting beside him. I decided this must be Mr. Webber, wanting to make a good impression, at least with him I decided to go introduce myself.

I gave Bella a quick wink and headed toward the supposed Mr. Webber. Once I made it to the grill, I paused, wondering exactly how I should go about this. Obviously, Bella had told Mrs. Webber about me, but I didn't know if she had filled in the man of the house. I didn't want to do anything that could possibly tip her father off, but I hoped that Mr. Webber could possibly rein his nuisance of a son in just a bit, since there would be a lot of alone time between Bella and Aaron, that I was none too happy about. I wondered briefly if I could just stow-away in a closet for the duration of their visit. That way, I could at least keep my eye on Aaron and step in if need be.

I was apparently lost in my musings when a throat cleared, bringing me back to reality. I snapped out of it and noticed Mr. Webber was looking at me strangely. I held my hand out in response.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen. I'm a friend of Bella's… and Jasper, I'm definitely Jasper's friend too. Oh! And yeah, I go to their church too... you know the one where Bella's dad preaches at?"

I was flaming out and crashing. Damn it, that had gone badly. Mr. Webber took my hand, eying me suspiciously as he did, and I just cringed. Yep, he definitively thought I rode the short bus.

"It's nice to meet you Edward, I'm Bill Webber," he shook my hand with a firm grip, which was kind of on the strong side, but I tried to act like I didn't notice. "I'm friends with Bella and Jasper as well. And yes, I am familiar with the church. I look forward to visiting it while we are here."

He then released his grip on my hand and returned to grilling the meat.

"Good, good, that's...good." I stood there feeling like a moron. What could I really say? "Hey, you might wanna talk to your son, before I beat the shit outta him"? That didn't seem very appropriate.

Luckily, I was saved from having to be that point-blank by my mother and Maria who right about then came out the backdoor making a straight beeline for us.

Maria wrapped her arms around her husband's waist while eying me suspiciously. "I see you have met Edward. Esme's son Edward. _Bella's_ Edward." I could see recognition dawn on Bill's face.

"Oh, so you are _that _Edward then?'" he said, appraising me once again, this time more precisely.

_And how many Edwards exactly do you need at a barbeque?_ I wanted to snarl back at him, but I kept my mouth shut. What the hell was going on with everyone anyway? What was it with the Inquistion?

My mother, sensing the change in demeanor, began speaking. "Yes, this is my only son, Edward. Such a lovely young man, don't you think?" I think I could have died of embarrassment.

"Yes, he is lovely," Maria said with a small smile. "And my gosh, Bella sure does seem smitten with him. I just hope the feelings are mutual. Bella has had such a sheltered life up until now, and she tends to be a bit… naïve, shall we say, about the ... intentions of teenage boys."

Maria eyed me, waiting for a reply. Mother-Bear beat me to it, however. My mom was generally a very easy, going laid-back kind of person, until you messed with her children.

"I assure you my son only has the best of intentions where Bella is concerned. They have both been a very positive impact on each other's lives. I have never seen a young couple as in tune with each other and their feelings as these two."

I finally found my voice and seconded that emotion. "I love Bella, everything about her. I would never do anything to hurt her or taint her opinion of teenage boys and their intentions."

Maria's eyes warmed immediately. "I am glad to hear that, Edward. Bella is very precious to us, and it makes me happy to know she is in such capable hands," she said, looking to my mother.

"We consider her part of our family already, as well as Jasper," my mother responded, with a twinkle in her eye.

"That is so good to hear. Maria and I often worry about those two kids left with only Charlie to watch over them." Bill interjected, still flipping the meat. He must have realized he said that out loud because his eyes shot up and he tried to explain. "Don't get me wrong, Charlie loves them both, very much, and he believes he is doing what is best for them. But since Bella's mother passed, it's like a black cloud has settled over the family and they can't move past it. We are convinced Charlie is in a state of deep depression, and denial. Which in turn takes it out on the kids. He expects perfection and that is simply impossible, especially from teenagers."

Maria nodded in agreement then added, "We have tried to get him to seek therapy, but he is stubborn and insists that he doesn't need it. He wouldn't even let the kids go to counseling after the funeral, insisting they would handle it his way. It truly breaks my heart, because he can't see he is damaging his relationship with his daughter, and I'm afraid that one day, it will be too damaged to repair."

My mother nodded. "Being a parent is a hard job. I couldn't imagine trying to do it alone."

Bill chuckled. "Tell me about it. Raising teenagers has to be the hardest job on the planet."

Right then, I don't know what came over me. I threw my arm around my mother's shoulders and hugged her. "Aren't you glad then that you lucked out and got perfection with me, Mom? I 'm sorry that you got slighted with Alice, but at least you have one golden child from the gene pool. "

She laughed and swatted my arm away. Maria laughed as well.

"As strange as this is going to sound, your cockiness is a good thing, Edward," she explained. "Because you're going to need it to keep our son at bay."

I raised my eyebrows silently asking her to continue. She chuckled again then finally elaborated.

"Aaron has always harbored a secret crush for Bella. He never really acted on it. There never was any need to, because there was never was any competition… until now. Bella has never really shown much interest in boys. Aaron has always said he would marry Bella one day, after college, and after he had the chance to live a little. I guess he just assumed she would never have a boyfriend and he could just show up one day and offer a marriage proposal to her and then they could begin courting." At this Maria rolled her eyes, as if to say that her son really didn't understand women too well.

"As much as we try to keep them grounded and down-to-earth," Maria continued. "Still, I'm afraid that our long missions out of the country have allowed our children to lose touch with reality and how things really work at times, and that…" she now glanced at her husband. "That is why we've decided to take a break from the mission field. We are going to stay in the States for at least the next year so the kids can have a normal senior year. Regular school, football games, prom. All the teenaged kind of things that they have missed out in their lives following us around in the mission field."

I couldn't help the scowl that I immediately had. The thought of Aaron around for the next year did not sit well with me at all.

"Funny. Bella never mentioned that," I mumbled in response.

"Oh!" Maria said a little too loudly. "That's because we haven't told the kids yet, so please don't say anything to them, Edward. We want to surprise them! When we leave here, we will be heading to Florida to look at some houses that seem promising. Some friends of ours are starting up a battered women's shelter near Jacksonville, and they've asked up to join in with them. It's our way of staying true to our calling while still allowing the kids a chance at living a normal life."

Well, I could deal with Florida, I decided. That was definitely far enough away that Aaron would not be a problem. I had heard enough and I was ready to find my girl and spend some quality time with her. I turned searching the small crowd that had gathered to find her. I finally spotted her chatting with Alice and Angela, I felt my heart tugging me in her direction. I had to be near her even if it meant I had to listen to girl talk. I held my hand out to Bill first, however, before I left.

"It was nice to meet you," I nodded and he shook my hand in return.

"Same here, and I look forward to getting to know you even better, Edward Cullen."

I extended my hand to Maria next. She pushed my hand away and pulled me into a hug. She whispered in my ear before she released me, "Don't let my son get to you. Bella only has eyes for you. It's so obvious how much that girl cares about you, and how much you care for her in return. I couldn't be happier about your relationship. So, as much as I love my son, you can just tell Aaron to bug off."

"Thank you," I said, hugging her a little closer, glad to have her on my side.

I made my way over to my girl and tried hard to resist the urge to pull her close to me. I noticed Pastor Swan had arrived and I didn't want any problems tonight. Aaron was glued to him most of the night, no doubt brown-nosing. He might be trying to butter the Rev up, but at the end of the day, considering how far up the Rev's ass he had shoved himself, he would still smell like shit.

Once the food was ready, Bella ran in the house while everyone else started fixing plates. She returned with a large blanket that she spread out in the corner of the yard. She came to the line where Alice Jasper, Angela and I were to tell us to sit there while she went to fix her plate. She, of course, went to the back of the line, even though I offered to let her in front of me. When she returned, she sat between Alice and Angela, making them scoot over so she could get comfortable. I tried to not let it get to me. I knew the only reason she wasn't sitting beside me was because her father was here. When I looked up, she was watching me, with the same frown on her face as mine. She mouthed "I'm sorry: and I smiled, trying to let her know I understood.

Jasper sat beside Alice, but there was a good distance between them. I sat on the other side of Jasper, leaving a huge gap in our circle. It didn't take long for the gap to be filled by unwanted company. Aaron made a grand entrance by plopping down right next to me with a large huff.

"So Bella," Aaron began. "I had a lot of fun today. When are we going to go out again?"

I immediately tensed up and fought the impulse to punch him. He was obviously trying to get under my skin, and I was trying hard to not let it show.

Bella gave him a strange look before she answered. "I, umm… I don't know. Maybe we can all plan something and meet up?" She looked at me hopeful.

Aaron didn't give anyone time to answer. "Actually, I was thinking it could be just me and you again."

Bella looked confused. "What? Why?"

This time, Angela spoke, shooting a nasty glare at Aaron. "What game are you playing here, bro?"

Aaron shrugged. "No game, sis. I just thought Bella should know what it was like to date a real man."

That was it, I was fucking done. "You want to talk shit? Why don't you get the fuck up and I will show you how much of a man I am?" I spat at him as I tried to stand up to beat the crap out of him.

I went to lunge for him but Jasper was quicker than I was. He wrapped both arms around my chest and pinned me to the ground. I really didn't want to hit Jasper, but I would if I had to, because I was going to beat the shit out of Aaron one way or another.

"Dude, calm the fuck down," Jasper growled at me, struggling to keep me down. "The last thing you want to do is to fight Aaron at my house with my uncle here watching. Any chance you ever had of winning my uncle over will be shot to hell. Not to mention Bella. And I will probably never be allowed at your house again either."

What he said made sense, but I was pissed and Aaron needed to pay. No one talked shit about me and hit on my girl in front of me and walked away.

I stopped struggling when I saw Bella move out of the corner of my eye. Aaron was watching me with an amused grin so he never saw Bella stand right in front of him. And he obviously was not ready for the direct slap across his face that Bella so diligently delivered. It will forever be known as "the bitch slap heard round the world".

He immediately grabbed his face and looked up to Bella in horror. I knew the look she was giving him and she was pissed. I was glad I wasn't in his shoes right now.

"Aaron, I have no idea what is going on with you, but I suggest you get over it... fast," she rounded on him. "We have been friends for a long time, longer than I can remember, but I love Edward, and I will not tolerate you being mean and manipulative to him. He means so much to me. He makes me happy, and if you were a true friend, you would be happy for me, instead of trying to sabotage the one good thing I have in my life."

We all sat speechless as Bella finished her rant. Aaron looked down suddenly finding the food on his plate very interesting.

Bella huffed and stormed away. It was my turn to have a smug grin on my face. Jasper finally loosened his grip on me, chuckling to himself. I grabbed my plate and stood in one fluid motion. After taking the time to give Aaron a very smug grin, I turned to follow Bella.

I stopped by a trash can to throw my plate away and then started searching for my feisty girl. I spotted her sitting at a table beside my mom and Maria. I decided to hang back for a while and let her have some motherly attention. I wondered around talking with a few church-goers until I just couldn't take it any longer. I did a quick scan to make sure no one especially her father was paying attention, and as luck would have it, he was in a deep discussion with a group of men on the other side of the yard.

I finally made my way to the table and sat at an empty spot at the end across from her. She looked up into my eyes seeming unsure of herself.

"Hi," I said because I didn't really have anything to say. I just wanted to be close to her. My mom and Maria turned away from us talking amongst themselves,obviously trying to give us some privacy.

"Hey," she replied, sounding way too shy and nothing like the girl that had just slapped her friend to defend me half an hour ago. "Edward, I am so sorry. Aaron was being so mean. I don't know why he is doing that, and... I'm sorry I stepped in and slapped him. It was very unladylike and I cannot even imagine what you think of me right now."

"Bella, are you kidding me? That was so fucking hot." I added a wink just to give it the full effect.

She smiled at me, blushing a little. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I think I came in my pants a little." I was totally joking and she knew it but she still giggled. Meanwhile, my mother cleared her throat and gave me a very dirty look.

"Sorry," I mumbled to my mom, remembering we were not alone.

Bella covered her mouth trying to hide her laugh. I played with her feet under the table enjoying the fact that she was laughing, even if it was at my expense. She finally removed her hand.

"You know I love you, right? You and only you?" The look in her eyes told me it was true and that I should have never doubted her.

"I know," I told her, cockily. "What's not to love?"

She rolled her eyes and I know I didn't have to say it but I wanted to so I told her "I love you too, angel, so fucking much." This of course earned me a smack in the back of the head from my mother and another round of giggles from Bella.

"Bella I cannot believe you let him kiss you with that dirty mouth. I think you should put your lips on lock down until he cleans up his vocabulary." My mother said this in a serious tone, but I could see the smile fighting to get through.

Bella blushed before replying, "That is easier said than done."

I wanted to tell them how much Bella enjoyed my dirty mouth especially when it was doing dirty things to her, but I figured that was too much information for my mother and that would probably warrant me a long ass time out. So I decided to keep that tidbit to myself. I did however wink at Bella and she blushed even more so she was probably thinking the same thing I was.

The rest of the cook-out was pretty uneventful. Alice ended up staying the night with Bella and Angela for a slumber party. To say I was jealous was putting it lightly.

I didn't have another run-in with Aaron for the next week. The prick was scared, of me. Or Bella, I wasn't sure. But, make no mistake, he was scared.

He hadn't spoken or even looked in my direction and Bella said he had barely spoken to her during the week. That all ended at our youth group meeting. Apparently, it had taken a week for Aaron's balls to drop, and once they had, he came in swinging.

Our meeting had been moved up to Wednesday because Thursday was Thanksgiving so we were all out of school anyway, and all the girls planned on going shopping on Friday. Yes even Bella was going out shopping with the girls. Apparently, the presence of the Webbers made the Rev much more lenient on my girl. We had already agreed to allow her to shop with the girls, and they would shop the hell out of the local stores. Then Bella would call me when she couldn't take it anymore, and I would pick her up and we could spend the afternoon together. It had actually been Maria's idea for the girls to go shopping, and a mighty fine one it was.

There were a lot more people present at our youth group meeting that week. I guess there were no big parties on Wednesday nights to pull them away. Jake was the first one there. He had met Angela at church on Sunday and had fallen head over heels for the girl. I wondered if it was just another conquest or if she would be the one to straighten him out like Bella had done for me. It was still too early to tell, but it was fun watching him trip all over himself trying to impress her. Kind of like a train wreck where you want to, but you just can't look away.

Rose and Emmett were here. After learning about what had happened at the cookout Emmett insisted there was no way he was missing any of our "love triangle drama" as he put it.

And since there was nothing better to do on a Wednesday, that also meant the trash came in. That would be Lauren, Tanya, and Jessica. Along with them came Ben and James. Yep, this night was going to be fucking interesting.

At least with all the people, that meant there was not adequate seating, so I didn't feel bad about pulling my girl to my lap and telling her to stay. Then, giving her puppy dog eyes and begging "pretty please" when I realized how barbaric that had sounded. She laughed at me and rolled her eyes but she stayed.

Things started off simple enough, small chatter among those of us who actually liked each other. The three whores in the house threw themselves shamelessly at the new meat, a.k.a. Aaron. I wondered what I ever saw in any of them, and I had to give Aaron a little credit; he didn't even acknowledge them. I am sure he was aware he could get some no-strings-attached pussy, but he didn't seem phased by that fact in the least little bit. No, he found it much more appealing to watch Bella and I like a hawk.

I have to admit, I was glad he got to see Bella in a different environment. True, her father was more lenient with the Webbers around, but still, Bella was not her true self when in his presence. As I watched her sitting in my lap, laughing and talking with Alice, Angela and Rose, she seemed so carefree, so comfortable in her own skin. Like she had no worries in the world. She was happy and I hoped that some of that happiness, even if it was an extremely small part, was due to me.

My happiness was short lived and it quickly turned to irritation the more the night progressed. My parents came in and called our little meeting to order. Everyone settled down and gave them their full attention. I couldn't help but give Aaron a smug grin as Bella settled back into my chest, linking our hands together and resting them on her thigh.

My parents thanked everyone for coming and then suggested that, since the following day was Thanksgiving, we should go around the room and name the thing we were most thankful for. It was very clichéd, but whatever. They were trying, so I went with it. Jake was the first to go. He of course was trying to be smooth, so he winked at Angela and said he was most thankful for the pretty girl sitting next to him. Angela ate that shit up and giggled, moving a little closer to him.

Angela went next, her answer being she was most thankful to be back in civilization, even if it was only for a short while. She went on to explain that she loved being in the mission field with her parents and she knew it was for a good cause but that she just missed the normalcy of everyday life as a teenager. She said that she was grateful for the experience and that she thought everyone should travel to a foreign country at least once so that they would never be unappreciative of the small things ever again. I could tell that she truly did appreciate the fact that she had been able to share the experience with her parents. That was an extremely selfless act on her part, and I gained even more respect for her because of it. Had my parents dragged me half way across the world to help the sick and poor while having no cable or phone or Internet or clothes or music, I wouldn't have said thank you. No, absolutely not. Instead, I probably would have been a whiny little bitch the entire time.

Emmett was the next to go, and no shock there, the thing he was most thankful for was blow jobs. My father sighed and shook his head while the rest of us tried to hide our snickers. Rose elbowed him in his ribs but didn't let the comment affect her much. She was used to his outlandish remarks.

Rose's answer was her car, and didn't even look she was ashamed to say it out loud. Yes, Princess was spoiled and she was proud of it.

Next, it was Bella's turn. I didn't even try to guess what she would say, it wouldn't have done me any good, she never says what I expect.

"I… ummm… well, I guess I'm most grateful for the people in my life." She looked to Angela and Jasper when she said this. "For my friends that have been there for me though some of the worst times in my life, yet they stayed right by my side."

She then turned to look around the room, towards Alice, Rose, Emmett, and even Jake and then to my mother and father. "And for the new people in my life that always seem to be there to give me support and love."

Lastly, she squeezed my hand when she looked into my eyes. "And the one person who loves me unconditionally and believes in me even when I doubt myself, who is sitting by my side."

Yes, it was a moment worthy of a Lifetime movie, and it made me smile like an idiot. I didn't break eye contact with Bella as I gave my answer. I slowly stroked her cheek as I said, "I guess that I'm most thankful for second chances and new beginnings." She knew what it meant and that is what was important.

Our moment was quickly interrupted, however, by Jake fake gagging and Emmett's loud voice, "Dude, I think I threw up a little in my mouth."

"This coming from the douche that listed blow jobs as the thing he is most grateful for. I am not disputing the greatness of blow jobs," I tried to keep my voice casual, but let him know where I stood at the same time. "I'm just saying there _are_ more important thing in life."

"Says the guy not getting any blow jobs," Emmett countered with a laugh.

And yeah, that shut me the fuck up. If only Bimbo Barbie a.k.a. Jessica had been as smart as me and kept her mouth shut. Obviously not getting Emmett's implication, she just had to add in her two cents' worth.

"Oh, Edward has had _plenty _of blow-jobs. I can personally vouch for that." And then the bitch had the nerve to wink.

At this, Bella's head whipped around so fast her hair slapped me in the face, causing my eyes to water. Okay, it could have been tears for the impending doom I felt in the pit of my stomach, but for now, I was sticking with the hair theory. Jessica not knowing when to shut the hell up continued, "Yes, plenty of b-j's. And I can one-hundred percent guarantee you that they are full of greatness. Right, Edward?"

Oh hell no, she did not just call me out. Did she not see the death glare Bella was giving her? I knew there was no right answer here. Any man in this room would call me out if I denied the greatness of blow-jobs. There was no work involved for the man at all, just satisfaction, and let's be honest here... it had been a hell of a long time since I have had one. So yeah, any memory I had of a blow-job was pretty good. Still, I didn't want to embarrass my girl, and if I didn't answer soon, I am sure she would snap. So I did what anyone would do in my situation. I kept my eyes on the ground, shrugged my shoulders, and said, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Jessica still not getting it continued on. "Sure you do, Edward. Remember the time..."

My mother finally came out of her shocked into silence state and saved my ass. Have I mentioned how much I love my mom? She looked directly at Jessica, and made her meaning clear.

"This is not an appropriate conversation for our youth group meeting. I think we are getting way off of topic here. Jessica would you like to share with us what you are most thankful for?"

Jessica seemed to think about this for a few minutes then she got an evil gleam in her eye. "I am most thankful for the amazing sex that comes after the great blow jobs."

Yes, the bitch truly was that stupid. She obviously had no self-preservation and when Bella leapt from my lap and lunged for her I actually for a split second thought about letting her beat Jessica's ass. The problem was I didn't need Bella fighting my battles. It wasn't fair to her, and she would regret it. Maybe not right away, but eventually, she would regret the fact that she resorted to violence to get her point across.

So I stood quickly and grabbed Bella by her forearms before any punches were thrown. Not holding her tight enough to hurt her, but hopefully enough to ground her and let her know she didn't need to do this. I had to chuckle as I watched Jessica cower down into the chair and hold her hands above her face in a protective stance.

Bella didn't back down. She didn't struggle to get to Jessica, but she used her words, and for that, I was proud of her.

"You, Jessica, are a disgraceful piece of crap. Not only are you disrespecting Edward in his own house, but you are disrespecting his parents as well. I mean, seriously, who talks about giving someone blow-jobs in front of their parents? The sad part though, is that you are too stupid to see how you are disrespecting yourself. You want to run around putting dicks in your mouth all day, then by all means do it, but for God's sake, don't brag about it to everyone. Because, for one thing, it doesn't make you look cool, it makes you look cheap and easy, and secondly from what I heard, you skills are not brag worthy. I am actually happy for you that you got the chance to experience Edward's magical peen, you need to take that memory and file it away somewhere safe so you will never forget it, because you will never, ever, as long as I live get the chance to have it near any part of your body again."

Bella shrugged off the hold I had on her and turned to face me, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Anything you want to say?"

I was a bit embarrassed to admit how turned on I was at this side of Bella. I was secure enough in my relationship to know that Bella was not mad at me and that this would not set us back. I just smiled at her and said the only thing I could at the moment, "I love you."

"I love you too," she replied giving me a quick kiss on the cheek before walking back the few steps to the couch and waiting for me to sit so she could resume her spot.

I looked around the room at everyone's shocked expressions. They were all watching Bella with wide eyes and mouths agape. Most of them had never seen anything but the shy and timid side of Bella, and I am sure they were wondering if she had split personalities.

Emmett, of course, was the first to break the silence. He burst out laughing, actually fell on the floor. Once he was able to somewhat catch his breath, he pointed and yelled out, "Magical peen! She said you have a magical peen, Ed. There are so many places that I can go with this, I don't even know where to start."

"Emmett," Bella snapped "Save it. This is not the time or the place. We are no longer discussing Edward's, or anyone else's peen, for the rest of the night."

This of course made Emmett laugh even harder, but he dropped the subject and eventually climbed back into his seat.

Everyone sat quietly for a few moments, trying to absorb everything that had just happened. I thought for sure my parents would just call it a night, because, let's face it, this was a lost cause. But no, apparently I needed to be punished some more for my past. As if this night were not bad enough already, Aaron decided to rub salt on the open wound.

"See, this... this is what I was talking about Bella. Not one person here said they were most thankful for our father that died for our sins. For his word he left us to live our lives by. So many of you have lost sight and you are treading on unequal ground. Clean and unclean. Good and evil."

Finally, my father found his voice. "What do you mean, son? Please explain yourself."

Aaron threw his hands in the air like it was the most obvious answer in the world. "_Do not be __unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? _2 Corinthians 6:14."

Bella was quick to counter him. She was a little out of breath but she managed to look smug anyway.

"_As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. _Romans 14:1."

Aaron shook his head. "Bella, do you hear yourself? You are making excuses. After all, 2 Corinthians 6:17 it say, _Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you_._"_

Bella stiffened slightly but immediately threw another verse at him.

"What about Peter 3:1 which says, _Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives?"_

Aaron scoffed at her in response.

"And are you actually Edward's wife, Bella? Did I miss the wedding somehow? Hebrews 13:4 states, _Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. _And, I don't know about you, but it sounds to me like he is already biblically married to the blond girl._ Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh. _1 Corinthians 6:16."

It was like watching a tennis match. All of our heads were going between Aaron and Bella. I wish I knew some Bible verses I could throw out there to help my girl, but somehow I didn't think John 3:16 would be helpful.

Finally Jessica caught on to what he said. "Excuse me, but are you calling me a prostitute?"

Aaron rolled his eyes and just quoted another verse. "_But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. _1 Corinthians 7:9." Or better yet,_ Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. _1 Corinthians 6:18."

Finally Jasper jumped in to help Bella out._" _You need to be careful Aaron, Sounds to me like you are trying to be the judge and jury here _Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven. _Luke 6:37."

"Dude" Aaron said to Jasper in shock. "You cannot condone this. What happened to you being Bella's protector? Looking out for her, keeping her safe? It is plain as day no questions asked, _You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Then the anger of the Lord __would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly. _Deuteronomy 7:3."

Bella was quick to reply. "You are forgetting the most important factor here _If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.1 John 1:9 "_

_"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.  
2 Corinthians 5:17" _ Jasper added in a low serious voice.

I was almost shocked to hear another voice in the mix, but apparently Angela wanted to make her point as well _"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.  
Psalm 103:12" _

It was quiet for just a few minutes before Bella decided to go again_ "The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him. _Daniel 9:9".

I finally saw my opportunity to contribute_ "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. _John 3:16."

Everything was eerily silent and all eyes were on me. Shock was evident in all of their faces. I gave everyone the stink eye. Was it that hard to believe I knew one, solitary Bible verse?

"What? I went to Sunday school with all of you. Don't you remember the gold star I got for memorizing that verse?"

This caused a round of laughter to erupt from everyone.

"Seriously man," Jake sputtered. "If you start quoting the Bible like a second language, I am going to have to cut ties with you. It's hot when Bella does it, interesting with Jasper, but from you... it's just plain weird, man."

I scoffed at him, but he was probably right. It was weird hearing it myself, and I was the one saying it.

Aaron not wanting to be deterred from the conversation continued on completely ignoring Jake's comment. "I get what you all are saying, and yes I agree God is forgiving...but the big picture here is you have to actually believe in God, and you have to want to change, ask for his forgiveness, be born again. Come on guys you know what I am talking about. Bella and even you Jasper were raised in the way of the Lord how can you be in a relationship and even friends with people that are unbelieving?"

Now that really pissed me off.

"Are you implying that I don't believe in God?" I started to yell at him. "Dude, you don't know me or my sister well enough to make any judgment calls on our beliefs."

"I don't have to know you!" Aaron shouted back at me. "I can see what kind of person you are, all of you." He pointed around the room. "The language, the sex, the lies, the utter disrespect for each other. None of you are going to heaven any more the thief who hung on the cross next to Jesus on Golgotha. The sad part is you are corrupting my friends, taking them down with you."

In contrast, Bella's voice was small when she replied.

"Aaron, don't you remember, one thief asked for forgiveness and it was given to him on the spot. His sins were wiped clean, and he was granted entrance to heaven."

At this, Aaron let out a horrible sounding laugh.

"Well, that's a huge gamble don't you think? Waiting until the last minute, hoping you are sincere enough when asking for forgiveness that it will be granted. And what about the other one, Bella? The other thief? He didn't believe, did he? He didn't ask to be saved, so what do you think happened to him?" Aaron paused for a moment, and when he began to speak again, his voice was much calmer, much more controlled. "Bella, have you even asked your precious boyfriend, or any of your supposedly 'close' friends where they stand? Do they even believe in God? Salvation? Heaven? Hell? Or is it just easier for you to look the other way and pretend that everything is alright? I testify to you right now that you are on a road to self-destruction and I cannot sit by and watch it."

With that Aaron got up and walked out the room. Everyone was quiet lost in their own thoughts for a long while. Finally Emmett broke the silence.

"That was... intense," he mused.

"Yeah," several people agreed.

"My brother Aaron," Angela said "Can come across overbearing at times. He means well. He just goes about it the wrong way."

"You think?' I mumbled.

Angela ignored me and continued on. "You have to understand we have lived a pretty sheltered life, so to see the way some people so blatantly disregard the teachings of the Lord...it's kind of hard to understand at times. I, for one, am very secure in my faith. I believe there is a God. I believe he died for our sins. I know I've messed up, but that whenever I do mess up, I will be forgiven. And I know I will go to heaven when I die."

Bella nodded her head in agreement. "At times it's hard to decipher the difference between what is exactly right and what is considered wrong. There seem to be a lot of grey areas. But I have found that instead of spending all my time questioning the choices I make, it's much more important to listen to my heart. God will tell me what he expects of me."

"I know that at the end of the day I do believe in God. I try to live by his word, but if I do falter I know that I will be forgiven." Bella added, as an afterthought.

I am not sure when exactly Bella had come to this realization, but it showed me how much she had grown into her own person to be able to acknowledge that.

Much to my displeasure, this little meeting took up all of our time so Bella and I had no chance to steal some alone time together. I was pissed, but I knew I would get to spend the next day with her, our first official holiday together, and that shit made me giddy.

As everyone was saying their goodbyes and heading out, I gently tugged on Bella's elbow, leading her to the kitchen.

"Edward, I really have to go. My dad will be so mad if I'm late," she protested but still followed me.

"I know, but this won't take long. I just wanted to talk for a minute. Tonight was kind of tense and I wanted to make sure you were okay." I explained while lifting her onto the counter then stepping between her legs to be as close as possible to her.

She ran her fingers through my hair affectionately. "You are right. It really was," she chuckled.

I knew I was short in time, so I cut to the chase.

"Bella, I know how you like to over think everything and... I don't want you to let what Aaron said tonight get to you. I know we have never actually had that discussion, but for your piece of mind, I want you to know that I do believe there is a God." I took a moment because I knew what I was about to say was incredibly cheesy, but I wanted to say it anyway. "Because there would actually have to be a God for this world to create someone as perfect as you, Bella."

She giggled. "That was a bad line, but thank you all the same. It is good to hear you say it. I have wanted to ask you about it but I didn't want you to feel cornered."

"Bella, baby, I am going to be honest here. I have made a lot of wrong decisions in my life. My soul is tainted, so I don't know if it is too late for me to be granted entrance to heaven. But I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you and God so that I at least stand a chance of being by your side for the rest of eternity." I knew in that moment that I meant every word, and I was going to make a better effort to be the man I should be for Bella's sake.

She pulled me close to her and clung to me in a death grip hug while she whispered, "Edward, God will absolutely let you into heaven. You are too important to me, and he wouldn't separate us. Not if he loves me as much as you do."

I hoped that she was right and I held her in a tight embrace until Jasper came in and said they had to leave. I gave Bella a quick kiss, telling her I loved her, that I would see her tomorrow, and that we could talk more if she needed to then.

**Jeez that was a lot to write lol. I hope you liked it, leave me a review and let me know your thoughts :)**

**So I have a little announcement *drum roll pls* So I have decided to start a new story :) I am still working some things out with it, but I hope to be able to post it soon, so be on the lookout ;) Also the other story I had up 'The only way out' has been taken down ..Stop pouting Ari..I have decided to finish it and repost it completed, but it needed some TLC so it was easiest to take it completely down to do this. It should be re-posted by the end of November. Yeah I have lot's of time not that I am a stay at home mom lol.**

**Also I have a friend that is looking for a beta, if anyone has some spare time and is interested let me know and I will get you in contact with her :)**

**Recs **

**So I have found several amazing stories this week, but I will try to narrow it down.**

**The Gentleman from Washington State by Betty Smith**

**The Hood by yogagal**

**Hands Open by Nikita2009**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

**Thanks to my amazing beta ManiacMotherland. She makes all my craziness sound much better :)**

**BPOV**

Thanksgiving was awkward, to say the least. Angela, Maria and I went over early to help Esme prepare the food for the day. Esme was happy for the extra help. She thanked us profusely and quickly delegated jobs to each of us so we could get started.

I was sprawled out on the floor digging through a cabinet and searching for some pots when I heard the fridge open and I heard his unmistakable groan. My head immediately popped up to get a look at his perfection first thing in the morning. Edward had the refrigerator door swung open wide and he was leaning into it with his head out of view and butt sticking out into the open.

_You have to admit it_, I thought to myself, _the boy has a really nice butt_.

"Jesus, Mom, what is all this crap in here? None of it looks edible, and some of it all smells... really… bad," he grumbled in his morning voice.

His mom answered nonchalantly. "Those are the ingredients for our Thanksgiving meal. I assume you are referring to the gizzards for the smell. I assure you, everything will be edible once it is cooked."

He made a gagging noise, obviously not a fan of gizzards, not that I could blame him.

"Well, what can I have for breakfast then? I need sustenance, woman," he joked with his mother while he reached his arm back and stuck his hand down the back of his pants to scratch his butt.

I looked around the round to see that, yes, everyone was indeed watching my man with his hands down his pants, scratching himself. That was it I couldn't contain my giggles any longer. At the sound of my laughter, Edward tried to jerk his head up which resulted in him banging his head on the fridge, followed by some mumbled foul language. He looked slightly embarrassed for a moment, but then shrugged it off. This was Edward after all. He immediately walked over to me kissing me on the nose.

"Hey, baby, what are you doing here already?"

It took me a moment to find my voice. Edward was always beautiful, but first thing in the morning when he was shirtless, with his pajama pants hanging low on his hips, and his hair even more disheveled than normal, he was simply mouthwatering.

"We came over early to help your mom with all the food," I explained, though he should have figured this out already. "She is feeding a small army after all."

"How long have you been here, then? You should've come up to my room to wake me up properly when you got here," he said, wagging his eyebrows at me.

I couldn't help but giggle. Even after all this time, I still loved flirting with Edward. I ran my fingers through his disarray of hair.

"I thought about it, but decided you needed your beauty sleep. Though bed head really does suit you."

"Mmm," he hummed while leaning down to greet me properly. The kiss was sweet and slow for about five seconds. He pulled away to nuzzle my neck, whispering something that sounded like "good morning, beautiful" before latching on to my lips again.

Forgetting all about our audience, I let myself get lost in the kiss. The feel of his hands on my hips pulling me closer resorted in my hands immediately going to his wild hair and tugging roughly while sucking his pouty bottom lip in my mouth. Which caused him to moan rather loudly.

A throat clearing reminded me we were not alone and that we were putting on quite a show.

"Edward," Esme spoke, turning back to the sink to continue washing the vegetables. "Perhaps you should go shower and make yourself presentable for our company for the day." As an afterthought she added, "And don't use all the hot water. I'm sure Alice will be up soon and want to shower as well."

"Yeah, that won't be a problem. I will definitely be taking a cold shower this morning," Edward said while winking at me. He then gave me one last chaste kiss and turned to head out of the kitchen, grabbing a banana on the way.

The rest of the day dragged on. Alice finally made an appearance and all of us women spent hours in the kitchen preparing the mountain of food. At leas,t that is how we made it look when one of the men would poke their head in to see how we were doing. Honestly, a large part of the time was spent laughing and talking. Esme told several stories from Edward and Alice's childhood. I definitely had some new material to tease Edward with, not that he would really care. I think it is probably impossible to embarrass him too much.

Maria told stories of Angela and Aaron and a few about my mom. I couldn't help the tear that slid down my cheek as she was talking about the silly songs my mom made up to sing to me to make me laugh.

"Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I won't talk about her anymore," Maria said while wrapping her arms around me.

"No, no, please don't stop. I love hearing about her," I quickly assured her. "It's just... well, I miss her so much. When I close my eyes, I can see her perfectly, the way her eyes seemed to always shine, her cheeks always rosy. She always seemed to be smiling... I can even remember the way she smelled." I took a moment to form my thoughts. "But some things I forget about, like the songs. I had forgotten all about those. But I love to be reminded, so please feel free to talk about her any time."

Maria smiled down at me. "Bella, your mother loved you so very much, and she would be so proud of the young lady you have become."

"Thank you," I said while wiping some tears away. "You have no idea how nice it is to hear that."

This resulted in a group hug from the most important women in my life. There were a few sniffs that eventually turned into giggles.

We finally set the table around one and once everything was to Esme's standards we called the men in to begin our Thanksgiving feast. Charlie, of course, said grace and everyone began passing food around, complimenting Esme and the rest of us women on how delicious everything looked.

Everyone made small talk while enjoying the feast before us. I was amazed to see how relaxed and talkative even Charlie seemed to be. We all stayed at the table long after everyone had finished eating just enjoying the company and conversation. Edward discreetly held my hand under the table, brushing his thumb over my knuckles as we all talked, and I couldn't wipe the smile from my face even if I tried. I could have sat there all day holding his hand and talking with my friends and family.

After quite some time, Carlisle finally rubbed his stomach, thanking us once again for the wonderful meal again and standing up to start removing the dishes from the table. I immediately stood to help him clear everything away when Edward grabbed my arm to stop me.

"It's tradition in the Cullen family, that the women spend hours cooking and the men spend hours cleaning up afterwards." He rolled his eyes for good measure letting me know it wasn't one of his favorite Cullen traditions. I couldn't help but giggle.

"Really, I don't mind helping with the clean-up."

"Not going to happen," Carlisle let me know as he started stacking plates and gathering up silverware. "It's how we gentlemen show our appreciation for all the hard work you ladies put into cooking for us. Right, son?"

"Yes, sir," Edward responded, with a bit of jocular sarcasm, while grabbing his glass, along with mine and a couple others. Hands full, he stopped to give his mom a kiss on the cheek and thanking her before heading into the kitchen.

Bill stood to grab a few plates as well, shooting a pointed look to Aaron and Jasper who quickly followed his lead. In the meantime, Carlisle had returned to get some more dishes.

"Oh, Bill you don't have to do that," he offered. "You are a guest in our house. Edward and I can handle the clean-up."

Bill brushed him off, however. "Nonsense. I helped eat it. I can help clean it."

I was quite surprised to see that even Charlie got up to help with clearing the table and washing the dishes. After a while, we snuck in to get a peek of the men cleaning in the kitchen. It was quite a sight to see. Way too many bubbles in the sink, for one thing. I was pretty sure Esme would have to go in and re-clean once the men were done, but the sentiment was sweet nevertheless.

After a while, the boys went outside to play some football. Edward had called Emmett and Jacob over to join in the fun. From my understanding, it was supposed to be a game of touch football. Now, I don't know much about football or the rules involved, but my guess was they were not following the standard rules of touch football, and Aaron seemed to be taking the brunt of most of the hits. I didn't miss the cocky grin on Edward's face every time he knocked Aaron down.

Esme and Alice showed up at my house at four a.m. the next morning for Black Friday shopping. I was not thrilled… at all. Shopping was really not my thing anyway, but shopping before the sun rose had to be my least favorite thing ever.

After several cups of coffee, I did manage to buy a few things but I was so over the crowds and the rushing from place to place. Finally, at eleven, I called Edward to come pick me up.

I was so excited to have some time alone with him, but I was so tired I fell asleep in his car on the way to his house. He carried me up to his room and let me nap for several hours. By the time I woke up, I was starving, so we went to the kitchen to make some snacks. Carlisle joined us for a turkey sandwich and some leftover pie.

"So, I see you can't hang with the serious shopaholics," Carlisle teased. In his eyes, I could see what he was really thinking, however: "Lightweight."

"Nope, there is no denying shopping is not my thing, and holy cow do Alice and Esme take it seriously!" If I hadn't seen it for myself I would not have believed anyone could take shopping that seriously. "They had a map of each store they were going to. Like an actual map of each store, I kid you not. I swear, they must have set up surveillance for weeks to be that organized."

He laughed at that. "I assure you, kiddo, they plan this shopping spree for months ahead of time. I am just glad I don't get dragged out with Esme anymore. It was torture, so I do feel your pain."

"Yes, torture. Next year, you may want to fake an illness so you don't get dragged out with them again." Edward added with a serious expression.

"Nah, I don't think it will be a problem. I think I was slowing down their progress, they actually seemed pretty happy when I called it quits."

This made both men laugh and I laughed along with them.

"How did Angla and Maria seem to be handling the madness?" Carlisle questioned.

I thought for a minute. "They actually seemed to be enjoying themselves. I think Angela was in her own version of heaven with Jacob."

The following Sunday was the last day the Webbers would be spending with us. It was a bittersweet day. I was going to miss Angela and Maria terribly. But Aaron, that was a different story. Things with us had been awkward, to say the least. He hadn't had much to say to me since the youth group meeting, and I was constantly afraid he would try to play my protector and go tell Charlie about my relationship with Edward. Luckily, that didn't happen, and I hoped it would stay that way. Sunday afternoon we all said a tearful goodbye and promised to see each other soon.

I was excited to return back to school. While I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Angela, I was ready to get back to my routine. I was a little nervous to see how Jessica would react after the altercation we had, but I was pleased to see that Monday brought nothing more than her normal nasty glares.

Lunch was interesting, with all the guys teasing me about slapping Aaron and my outburst to Jessica. Though the teasing I got was nothing compared to what Edward got about his magical peen. Emmett kept referring to him as Lucky Charms, telling him all the girls thought he was magically delicious. It is a good thing that Edward is a good sport because he just rolled his eyes and laughed it off.

It seems like, just as things were getting back to the normal routine, we were getting out of school again for Christmas break. The last week of school was hectic because it was half days full of exams. I definitely did not enjoy these days. Not only was I stressed with test every day, but I didn't get any of my usual quality time with Edward, and my afternoons at home were spent studying for the next day's exams.

I was excited for our winter break, but I was dreading it at the same time. Christmas is by far my favorite holiday, but I knew my break would be hectic and I wouldn't get to see Edward very much.

The week before Christmas for our youth group meeting, we had done a service mission at a local homeless shelter. I thoroughly enjoyed every single moment of it and I was pleased to see that Emmett, Jacob and even Rosalie traded in their name-brand clothes for an apron and helped out. I was most proud of Edward though. He helped serve the people and even played a game of chess with one elderly man. He later told me the man reminded him of Santa Claus, and he wanted to "stay on the jolly man's good side".

When we returned back to the Cullen house, Jasper and I had about two hours before we had to be home, so Edward and I went to his room to have some alone time and exchange gifts. Of course, Edward had to shower first.

"Don't laugh, Bella. I don't mind helping, but that place was grungy, and I don't want to get sick. It's better to be safe than sorry. If you were smart, you would shower to. Or we could even shower together?" he offered, only half kidding.

I declined his offer for the joint shower, because I wasn't quite ready for that yet. Besides, I needed the few minutes to myself to work up the courage for my plans tonight. I had decided tonight would be the night I would give Edward an official blow job. I understood the mechanics and I knew what would happen, but that didn't stop me from being nervous.

When he came out a few minutes later freshly showered and dressed in his pajama pants and a t-shirt, I had to remind myself to breathe. He walked to the bed then got on the floor to pull out a box and then climbed on the bed next to me.

"I really wasn't sure what to get you, so if you don't like it feel free to take it back," he told me while placing the box in my lap.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Edward I will love anything you get for me, and you really didn't have to get me anything."

"Of course I got you a Christmas present. I'm not that much of an asshole that I wouldn't get my girlfriend a gift for Christmas. So, now, open it already."

"Okay, okay" I told him as I started peeling the paper away. Once I was able to get a good look at the box, I let out a yelp of excitement. I tore into the box and tossed the thick instruction book to the side and held my very own bright pink digital camera in my hands.

Edward laughed at my excitement. "So, I take it that you like it?"

"Oh yes!" I said while jumping onto him to give him a big hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have been wanting one of these. Thank you so much! Now, show me how to use it."

It didn't take him long to insert the memory card and batteries and go over the basics of how to work the camera. I made him pose several different ways so I could get some pictures of him then we took about a million different pictures together.

"Oh, before I forget," I got up and walked to his dresser where I had placed his gift. "Here is you present. It's nowhere near as extravagant as what you got for me. I really didn't know what to get you. I mean, what do you get someone who already has everything?"

I knew I was rambling, but I was nervous. I really was not good at this gift-giving thing, and after he had given me such a nice gift, I felt silly with what I had for him.

He didn't pay much attention to my ramblings he just reached for the gift and started tearing open the paper. He first pulled out the CD I had bought him. I had no idea who the band was, but Alice had told me on our shopping trip that it was one of his favorites. He thanked me and then pulled out the pajama pants I had gotten him and laughed at the rubber ducky designs all over them.

"Don't laugh," I told him while swatting his arm. "My favorite thing on you is your pajama pants, so I thought I would get you some new ones."

"Oh? So you like me in my PJ's, huh?" he teased.

"Yes, and I think you should put them on now, so I can take a picture with my new camera."

"Anything for you," he retorted. I should have known he was up to something when he added a wink to the statement.

He got off the bed and put the CD on thanking me again telling me how much he loved this band and then he walked back towards me until he was just a few feet away from the bed and then.. he just... dropped his pants. He didn't even pretend to be shy standing there in all of his glory, in nothing but a t-shirt. Geez, the boy was cocky. In all possible senses of the word.

Still, my jaw had dropped and I stared. I didn't even try to hide it. He let me look for a while before he interrupted my thoughts.

"Maybe you should take a picture. It will last longer."

I immediately started searching through all the wrapping paper littering his bed for my camera. It didn't take him long to realize what I was doing and he quickly covered himself.

"Jesus, Bella, I was just kidding!" he laughed. "Hand me my new PJ's there, please."

I grabbed the bottoms from beside me and climbed off the bed to take the few steps to him. I kept direct eye contact with him until I was standing right in front of him pressed as closely as I could get. I slowly rose on my tip toes and dropped the pants to the floor as I snaked my arms around his neck. I very slowly placed my lips against his, and it took him no time at all to join me in a searing kiss while slowly wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me impossibly closer.

I immediately felt movement in his lower region which brought me back to my task at hand. I pulled away from his lips and took a moment to get my breathing under control.

"Umm, Edward I want to... uhhh, try... something."

He cocked his head to the side and looked amused. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

"I… ummmm, well… thing is…"

But why the hell was I even talking? This was not one of those times I needed to explain myself. I decided my actions would speak for themselves. So I slowly backed out of his embrace and dropped down to my knees.

I immediately found myself face to face with a very excited Sam. I took some time to study him as I debated how I should begin "Operation Give Edward a Blow Job". I had finally decided to just lick it. I mean, that had to be a good start, right?

Only I guess maybe I should have vocalized my intentions to Edward, because as soon as my tongue made contact, he jumped, made a strange yelp noise, lost his balance, and fell backwards on the floor.

I looked at him in shock while he stared back at me with the same wide eyes, and then I lost it and began laughing uncontrollably.

"Bella, what... what... the hell are you doing?" He didn't sound mad, or totally confused, which only made me laugh harder because, geez, you would think it was kind of obvious.

Only when my laughter died down did I try to speak. "Well, I was trying to give you a blow job." I told him with a slight shrug of my shoulders. "Guess I kind of suck at sucking, though."

"You… you were… wait… you were what? Really? Now?" His confusion was quickly replaced with excitement. "You really want to, Bella? Because you know you don't have to. But, I have to tell you, I've been dreaming of the moment when you would say those words to me."

"I know," I told him. And I knew it wasn't something he would expect but it was something I really wanted to try. "I do want to do it, at least try to do it. Though I don't think giving you a concussion was a good start."

This time he laughed with me.

"You just caught me of guard, baby girl. If it's something you really want to try, then by all means," he waved his hand towards Sam. "Have at it."

He made no move to get up off the floor, so I just scooted closer to him. "Okay, you will have to… have to… you know. Tell me what to do."

He leaned back more resting on his forearms. "Just do whatever you want. I promise it will feel good. But you have to stop when I tell you to okay?"

I nodded my head in agreement. I slowly leaned over Sam who was standing at full attention. I let my hair form a curtain around me as I took a deep breath and tried to remember what I had learned from the video I had watched with Alice.

I slowly flicked my tongue out and licked from the bottom to the top, swirling my tongue around the head. This caused him to let out a loud moan, so I repeated the action a few more times for good measure before I decided to take him fully in my mouth. I apparently tried to make my downward action too fast, however, and I gagged when he hit the back of my throat.

I quickly learned my limitations and wrapped my hand around the bottom, so I could use my hand as sort of a stopper. It didn't take me long to find a rhythm with my hand and mouth that seemed to work. If the noises and moans that Edward was making were any indication, I would say he was enjoying the blow job.

I finally couldn't take it any longer, and I moved slightly so I could look up at Edward and see his reaction. He raised his hand to brush the hair out of my way. He met my eyes briefly before his head fell back and he moaned and mumbled out "Holy fuck!"

A split second later, his head flew back up. "Bella, Bella, Bella...baby… you have to stop. Now."

I immediately released him and sat back on my knees. No sooner than I had moved away, he started erupting. His hands frantically searched at his sides until he found something to cover himself with. He had his eyes squeezed tightly shut and he was shaking. After a few more groans, he then fell limp on the floor.

It was all kind of strange, like I wondered if Edward had just experienced a mini-seizure. He lay panting on the floor for a while and I wondered if I should speak. I was careful not to make any sudden movements, not sure of his mental state at the moment. Finally, a lazy smile spread across his face and he opened one eye to look at me.

Luckily, he spoke and I knew he was indeed alright. "Thank you, that was... baby, that was amazing."

"Yeah?" I asked, because I really wasn't sure if I had done it right. It hadn't seemed, to me, last very long, but I wasn't sure if I should bring this fact up to Edward or not.

"Yes, wow, Bella that was fucking phenomenal," he reassured me. "So good, I knew I wasn't going to last that long, the moment you put your sweet lips on my cock."

I didn't even try to hide the smug smile I proudly wore.

"Yes, well, it looks like your new pajama pants got broken in properly," I said pointing to the pants covering his groin.

He looked down and chuckled in response.

"Shit, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't even look at what I was grabbing."

I waved him off. "No big deal. At least they are getting some good use."

"Yeah, these…" he said, wiping himself off more. "These will definitely have to be washed before I can model them for you."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Jasper and I left the day after Christmas to go stay with Angela and her family in Florida. They had been staying in an apartment while looking or a more permanent home. They had a connection through a friend of theirs that owned a home they were willing to rent to them for a year then give them the option to buy if they decided that's what they wanted. The problem was the house had been sitting vacant for several years and needed some repairs and a paint job. That's where Jasper and I came in. I was excited to see my friends again, and I had no problems helping, but I missed Edward terribly.

Finally, after our return to Forks and school getting back into session, things seemed to be on the right track again. January flew by, and before I knew it, February was there, with Valentine's Day lurking just around the corner.

I was super-excited about this particular Valentine's Day. This would be the first time I had an actual boyfriend to celebrate the holiday with. The school was putting on a Valentine's Day dance, and that seemed to be all anyone could talk about. The school was covered in pink and red hearts with streamers hanging from every walkway. The school was buzzing with the latest gossip of who was going with who, and who hadn't gotten asked yet, etc. I would think it was all very silly if I wasn't so excited myself to celebrate the day of love with my own personal heart-throb.

I, of course, didn't even bother asking my father if I could attend the dance. I know what the answer would be and I didn't need the lecture from him on how dancing leads to fornication, so I skipped that whole conversation. Jasper had decided to attend the dance without telling my father and he assured me that I would be able to do the same without getting caught, but I just wasn't willing to risk it.

The dance was being held on a Friday night, so youth group was canceled because everyone would be attending the dance. Well, everyone except Edward and I. I had told Edward he should go on his own, without me, if he wanted to. He had looked at me like I was crazy and said no way in hell he was going stag and leaving me at home. I was secretly happy he would staying with me. I didn't want to hold him back, and I knew it wasn't exactly fair for him to have to miss out on things just because I couldn't go, but the fact that it was his choice and he didn't want to go without me made me ridiculously happy.

I didn't exactly_ lie_ to my father about the dance or youth group being canceled; I just didn't mention it. A small sin of omission. Then, when Jasper let me know he was heading out to pick up Alice, I saw my chance. I grabbed my Bible and told Charlie I would see him later and left with Jasper, just like we were actually attending youth group.

Alice attempted once more to talk me into attending the dance, telling me she could let me borrow some clothes and do my hair for me. I politely declined her offer, and soon her and Jasper were out the door on their way to the dance. It didn't take long for Edward to have me in his arms showering me with kisses.

Once I was able to gain my bearings I tried to talk around his mouth which wasn't the easiest of things to do. "Eeddwerd, wheew arw your pawnts?"

He laughed and released my lips but didn't move too far away.

"What was that, Bella? I think you were actually speaking in tongues."

I rolled my eyes at his teasing. "I said, where are your parents?"

"Out," he mumbled while attacking my lips again.

I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm. "Down boy," I chastised him, while moving a few feet away from him and poking my finger in his chest. "Stay, or I will get the water hose."

"Seriously, Edward, it's very quiet. Where are your parents at?"

"I told you, they are out. They went out to dinner, and a movie I think. We have the house to ourselves." His eyebrows rose suggestively. "And I have a surprise for you."

I could only imagine what kind of surprise he had planned for me and all the things running through my head left me a very happy girl. I decided to play along.

"And just what might my surprise be?"

"I might just tell you... if you gave me another kiss." He shrugged his shoulder like he honestly couldn't care either way, but I knew he was dying to tell me.

I huffed in fake annoyance. "Well, if I have to," I said, rolling my eyes.

I didn't waste any time wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him in for a deep kiss. He hummed in appreciation as I traced his bottom lip with my tongue. This time, however, he was the one to pull away after only a few seconds .

"Come on, sweet girl, before I change my mind and kidnap you to my room instead of giving you your surprise."

He stood behind me and reached around to cover my eyes with his hands. He leaned down to whisper in my ear, "No peeking." His warm breath on my ear sent chills through my body.

He led me through a maze of his house. I was so turned around I couldn't tell what room we were in when he finally stopped.

"Keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them, okay?"

I nodded and fought the urge to peek through my eyelashes. I felt him step away from me and things were silent. Finally, after a minute or so, he spoke.

"Okay, Bella, go ahead and open your eyes."

I could hear nervousness in his voice, and I wanted to reassure him that I would be happy with whatever the surprise was. Only, when I opened my eyes, I was speechless. We were in his formal dining room. The lights were dimmed, the table was set for two, rose petals lined the table and two candles illuminated the table.

I stared in complete shock. Of all the things I had imagined, this was not even close to what I was expecting. I must have been silent too long, however, because Edward took it the wrong way.

"You hate it," he stated as he tried to gauge my reaction further. "Yeah, I know it's cheesy, but I wanted to do something romantic and I really had no idea what to do... and this was a long shot. I am so sorry I screwed up your Valentine's Day, Bella."

"No, no." I had to clear my throat to find my voice. "Are you kidding me? This… oh my god, Edward this is amazing! I can't believe you did all of this. For me. I love it, I really do. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me."

"Yeah?" he asked with the smug look back on his face.

"Yes, I love it. I can't believe you did all of this for me." I told him while walking around the table to examine everything more closely.

He walked to a chair pulling it out for me. "Well, I did have some help. My mom helped me come up with the idea, but everything else I did myself."

"Wow. Well I am truly impressed. Did you cook the food yourself too?"

"Yeah… well… about that. I wanted to fix the food myself, but since I can't really cook, we aren't having anything very elaborate."

He scooted my chair in and walked off to the kitchen, I assume to retrieve the food. He then walked back in, holding a platter in his hands and looking a bit embarrassed.

"Bella, I am really sorry about the food. My mom offered to cook, but I thought it would mean more coming from me. Only I didn't realize how hard cooking really was until I tried it for myself and I burnt everything. And then it was too late to get my mom to make something. So this was all I could do, last minute."

"Edward, don't be silly. I will love whatever you made, and you were right, it means so much more that you did all of this yourself. I love you so much, and I appreciate all that you went through to do this for me. "

"Okay, well, but you have to promise me to be honest…" he tried to warn me one more time. "If you hate it, we can order some food, or go out... it's up to you."

"Quite stalling and let me see what you have there," I told him playfully.

He sat the platter down on the table in front of me and uncovered it. I couldn't help the giggle that escaped when I saw what he had made for me. I immediately jumped from my chair to hug him and place kisses all over his face telling him how much I loved it.

"Fuck, Bella. If I had known peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Doritos would have gotten this kind of reaction from you, I would have made them a long time ago."

I kissed Edward one last time and sat back down in the chair to enjoy our dinner together.

"This is just so perfect, it's so you, so... us. Thank you Edward." I told him as I took one of the heart-shaped sandwiches from the plate.

We sat and enjoyed our sandwiches and chips for a long time while chatting about school and things we would like to do during the summer. For a while, I forgot all about my strict father and religion and rules. I forgot about school and the girls there that hated me, about all my friends at the dance that I was too scared to attend. For a while, I was just a teenage girl eating peanut butter and jelly with the boy of my dreams. And I can honestly say it was the best time of my life.

I noticed Edward had been quiet for a while and he seemed unusually cold and distant.

"Is there something wrong, Edward?"

"No, I. .. ummmm, it's just that… well, I have something else for you," he said and the look in his eyes told me he was being very serious.

"Seriously, Edward, this is more than enough you didn't need to get me anything else."

"I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to. I wanted to show you how much you mean to me. How important our relationship is to me."

"Edward, I have told you a million times already, you don't have to buy me things to show me that, you show me with your love every single day." I tried to explain to him once again. What was it going to take for him to see that material things are not what I was interested in. It was him as a person that I loved, not what he could ever buy me. He rolled his eyes at me showing me he was not taking what I said to heart.

"Bella, listen I know I don't have to buy you things, and I know you don't like it when I spend money on you. But sometimes I like to, and so at least this one time, you have to just deal with it. Besides, this is for you just as much as it is for me. It's for both us, as a couple."

At this, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, square box. He sat it on the table between us and I just stared at it, trying to guess what it might hold. It could be earrings, but he knew my ears weren't pierced. It was too small to contain a necklace. My eyes grew wide with the next possibility. He ran his hand through his hair, clearly nervous.

"Just open it, Bella, I am sure it's not what you are thinking. It actually might be everything you ever wanted, and more."

Slowly, so very slowly, I reached for the small, velvet box. I carefully removed the red ribbon and opened the top. Placed in the middle of the box was the most beautiful silver ring I have ever seen. There were two hearts one slightly larger than the other and each held a small diamond in the middle.

"It's a promise ring," he told me taking my hand. "It's kind of a step before engagement, because we are obviously too young for that. But I know, Bella, I know. I know that you are the one for me. I love you with all of my heart, and I wanted something to show the commitment I have for you. So I googled it a bit, found out that promise rings are used as a symbol when two people commit to each other and know they are destined to be with each other for all eternity. It shows their commitment to lifelong love and devotion to each other. Consider it kind of a pre-engagement engagement ring."

He took the ring from the box and placed it on my finger.

"So, Bella Swan, will you except my commitment to you, and my promise that one day this will be an engagement ring then a wedding band?"

There were tears streaming down my face, and it was hard to talk through all the emotion I was feeling, but I was able to choke out my answer.

"Yes, yes. Of course, Edward. Nothing would make me happier than committing to being with you forever."

He pulled me from my chair and into his lap, and we sat holding each other in a tight embrace for a long time. No words needed to be said. We knew how we felt about each other and no words could describe the magnitude of what we were feeling.

After quite some time, we finally emerged from the chair and went into the family room where we cuddled on the couch, watching a movie, until Jasper and Alice returned from the dance. I offered to help Edward clean up our mess in the dining room, but he assured me he had it under control.

Jasper asked me about my night on the ride home. I told him it had been wonderful, but I held back on most of the details. I knew it was kind of selfish, but I wanted to keep the magical night to myself for just a while longer. It's almost like I was afraid that once I admitted how absolutely wonderful everything was that it would all fall apart. The sad part to this theory was that there was too much truth to it. I wouldn't have nearly enough time to bask in my happiness before it was all ripped away.

_**Leave a review..please..they make me soooo happy!**_

**Okay so here is the deal, The next chapter is pretty much done. I just have to go over it again with a clear mind, then I will send it to my beta. I have to have surgery on the 22nd so I may be out of commission for a while. My plan though is to have the next 2 chapters done and sent to my beta before then so that I will be able to post updates even if I am not up to writing. But my beta has not been feeling great either and Thanksgiving is coming up so please have a little patience with us :)**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**The wonderful ManiacMotherland used her magical skills and betaed this for me. She keeps me on track and deserves huge kudos for all her hard work!**

**Big hugs to Sara for pimpin her little heart out on this story. I am constantly seeing where she is recing it and I appreciate it so much BB.**

**Thanks to all my readers and reviewers. I love hearing from you all and getting to know you as well as hearing your thoughts! You make writing this story so much fun!**

**FYI ...I changed the date of Edwards birthday, so it will not be in June like it was in the book.**

**Chapter 28**

**EPOV**

Things were good. No, they were better than good; my life was perfect. Bella was amazing. I loved that girl more than I ever thought possible. We had finally told everyone about the pre-engagement as we were calling it. My parents were beyond shocked, but overall, they seemed happy. Our friends looked at me like I was crazy, but they eventually got over it. Bella, of course, couldn't wear the ring around her father, but when we were at school, or if she was out and about without him, she wore it proudly. When she was home, or if he was around, she wore it around a chain necklace that she kept hidden under her shirt.

School was, well, school. But it was the beginning of March, so we only had two more months of that shit, then we were out for the summer. Oh, the plans I had for the summer. Sleeping until at least noon every single day, wasting days playing my X-box with my boys, spending every chance I got with my girl. Oh yes, this summer was going to rock.

To make things even better, my birthday was coming up. I do love my birthday. I mean, who wouldn't love a day that was totally centered around you and you alone? Everyone had to be nice to you, you got presents, showered with attention, and there was cake. Anything involving cake had to be a good thing.

Emmett had tried to convince me to go to Seattle and go clubbing for my birthday. He said we could all get fake ID's, that he knew a guy who knew a guy who had heard of a guy who could hook us up. I told him this was a bad idea because no one would be sober enough to drive home that night if we did. He had anticipated this response and said he already checked into hotels and we could just rent a few rooms for the night. This idea, appealing as it was, just wouldn't work. I knew there was no way Bella would be able to get away for the entire night, and even if she could, she would never go along with getting a fake ID and going to clubs to drink illegally. I could have just made it a guys' weekend, but I really wanted to celebrate my birthday with Bella. She was so important to me, and I just couldn't imagine not celebrating the day with her.

I told Emm it was a no-go and had to listen to him grumble for days about how I was losing my edge. I finally agreed to let Alice throw me a party. It had been a while since I had been to a party. Not that I was complaining, because I liked the new and improved life I was living, but still, I did miss hanging out with my friends on a regular basis.

I told Alice to keep it simple, close friends only. I didn't want Bella feeling awkward in any way if Jessica and her slew of skanks decided to show up. Alice agreed to do it at our house in the game room downstairs and to keep to a minimum of twenty-five people. Still enough to have a good time, but not so many people that it would get out of control.

Alice had decided to throw the party on the Saturday of my birthday. She constructed an elaborate plan a.k.a. "a lie" for Bella and Jasper to tell Charlie. She filled my mom and dad in on the plan, since it involved Jasper telling Charlie that the youth group was having a recruiting night. They were telling him that we were meeting at our house then splitting into groups to go out in the community to invite more youth to attend our group. After a few hours of "visitation" as they called it, then we would all meet back at my house for snacks and to go over the new prospects for the youth group.

My mom and dad were not thrilled about the use of the youth group in the lie, but after Alice explained there just was no other way that Bella and Jasper would be allowed over, and how important it was for me to have Bella there, they were a bit more understanding. I swear Alice was the most convincing person I knew.

They still didn't like it, and said they would in no way lie for us, but they wouldn't out us either. We had to just go on a wing and a prayer that the Rev wouldn't ask them anything about the recruiting night.

Bella was a nervous wreck about lying to her father. I felt bad for asking her to do it, but in the end, my selfish side won out. I wanted my girlfriend at my birthday party, damn it!

Bella let Jasper do all the talking to Charlie. She said she was a horrible liar and he would have seen right through her. She did stay by Jasper's side as he explained things to Charlie, for moral support she said. Whatever they did, it worked. Charlie agreed to let them go. He didn't usually give them too much grief about things pertaining to church. I was once again so grateful that Bella had Jasper in her life. I can't imagine how much harder things would be for her if he wasn't there.

I was anxious the entire week. Saturday couldn't get here quick enough for me. Of course, like all good things, once it did arrive, it was over way too quickly.

The day started off like all my normal Saturdays. I slept in until around eleven-thirty. I would have slept longer had not my mom and Alice busted in my room singing "Happy Birthday" at the top of their voices. This was followed by Alice bouncing on my bed, insisting I get up and not waste the day away.

I rolled my eyes and grumbled, but truthfully, I was excited to start the day. After I showered and dressed, I went downstairs and was met with a mouth-watering aroma. Making my way into the kitchen, I saw that my mother had made all my favorites for breakfast. Have I mentioned how much I loved my birthday? Once I finished my pancakes complete with a whipped cream smiley face—guess I will always be six years old in my mother's eyes—and my ham and cheese omelet with a side of cream cheese stuffed French toast, I was overly stuffed and satisfied.

I sat around the table talking with my family for a while, enjoying their company and trying hard not to let my impatience show. Truth was, I was getting quite antsy for my birthday gift. I had dropped several hints about what I wanted. Okay, so maybe it was a little more than hints. Maybe, just maybe, I had been cutting pictures out of magazines for months and taping them to my father's bathroom mirror, and I had possibly been sending daily e-mails to him on the specifics of different makes and models.

Whatever they had decided to get me, they were being tight-lipped about it. They hadn't mentioned one word about any of my subtle hints. I hadn't seen one sign or heard any discreet whispers about what they had in store for my birthday gift. But a guy could still hope.

Finally, after about thirty more minutes of family togetherness, my father started chuckling. I gave him a look that let him know I thought he was going senile.

He turned to my mother and with a big grin on his face he told her. "Come on, sweetheart, we can't torture him anymore. If he runs his hand through his hair one more time, we will have to return his gift and get him a lifetime supply of toupees."

My mother chuckled but agreed. "As much fun as this is, I agree his hair is too pretty to fall out early."

My father stood and slapped my back. "Come on, son. Come get your present."

He didn't have to tell me twice. I was beside the door putting my shoes on before anyone else had moved. I waited for a minute but no one met me at the door. Too impatient to wait any longer, I opened the door and looked out into the driveway. Nothing new there. Still not letting the disappointment set in—I mean they could be taking me to the dealership so I can pick it out myself—I shut the door and waited a few more minutes but no one came to meet me.

I finally couldn't wait anymore and I went looking for my family. I found them in the living room sitting on the couch chatting. In front of them sitting on the coffee table were a few wrapped boxes and a gift bag with balloons tied to it. Alice was the first one to notice me.

"Edward, where did you go? Come open your presents!"

I tried not to let my disappointment show. I mean, sure, I was grateful for whatever I got. But who am I kidding? I am a whiny spoiled brat and I wanted my motorcycle. I had wanted one since I was five. I had begged and pleaded with my parents when I got my permit at fifteen to let me get one. Of course, they told me not just no, but Hell No. When I turned sixteen and they took me car shopping, I bargained with them, telling them I would pay for half of it if they would just let me have a motorcycle. Again the answer _Hell No._

I had pouted and complained until they threatened to not even buy me the car. I quickly got my act together , because, let's face it, a man needs some wheels, especially at sixteen. You definitely don't want to be that guy rollin' out in his mother's ride. But still even with the new car, which I loved by the way, my heart had been set on the motorcycle and there was no way to hide that.

My father, being a reasonable man, had told me if I showed huge amounts of maturity and treated my car with care and responsibility, then for my eighteenth birthday, they would get me a motorcycle. I vowed to show him how mature I was and that I was ready for a motorcycle.

But then, two weeks after I got my car I got pulled over for speeding... 85 in a 55. Three months after I had the car, I got a ticket and court date for speed racing down the main street in town, at three in the morning. Seven months after I got the car, I rear-ended an old lady at a stop light because I was looking at the girl with the big boobs on the sidewalk. They fixed it up, but then a couple months later, it had to be towed because I thought it would be cool to do doughnuts in the ocean at First Beach. Yeah, it got stuck. What did you think was going to happen? There were several other small instances that I had not showed the best judgment in regarding my car, and honestly, there probably would have been more except my parents took the car from me for a few weeks every time I got in trouble.

But lately, at least the last few months, I hadn't done anything crazy, and I had hoped that would warrant their trust so they would buy me a motorcycle. But apparently not.

Trying my hardest to look excited about my gifts, I made my way to the coffee table, mumbling to Alice as I did, "I had to use the bathroom."

I opened my gifts and thanked them for my new clothes, game, and Fossil watch. I really did like everything. It just wasn't what I really wanted.

After I got done hugging my mother, she stood and walked toward the coat closet.

"Oh honey, I thought we would all go out and have a family outing. I was thinking a movie in Port Angeles, and then an early dinner, so you will be back in plenty of time for the party."

"Sure, just let me go grab my cell." I shrugged my shoulders. It's not like I had anything else to do.

"I'll meet you outside."

"Okay, son," my father said, walking toward the door. "I'll pull the car out of the garage. Just meet us out front."

I jogged up the stairs to grab my cell. I quickly checked my messages and saw that I had received several text messages, including one from Bella wishing me a happy birthday. I sent her a quick reply and headed back down the stairs and outside. Sure enough, sitting in the driveway in front of the door was my father's car. I got in the back seat and continued checking my text messages when my mother spoke.

"Oh Carlisle, you forgot to shut the garage door."

I was only half paying attention, but I could hear in my dad's voice he didn't want to get back out of the car.

"I am sure it will be fine until we get back, Esme. It's not like our town is crawling with thieves and burglars."

"Still, sweetheart…" my mother wasn't dropping it. "It is unsafe to leave the door open. You never know what could happen and we will be away for a few hours."

"I got, I got it." I said opening my door to get out of the car. I really was not interested in listening to them debate this for an hour, knowing my mom would win in the end anyway. So I would shut the damn door myself, even if it was my birthday.

I walked up to the garage grumbling to myself and as soon as I looked up I saw it. I fucking saw IT.

There, in all its shiny blue, white and chrome wonder, sat a Suzuki GSX-R600. I was speechless. I had no words, only the drool that was currently running down my chin.

"Well?" I heard my father say behind me. "What do you think?"

I still had no words. All I could do was hug him. Like really hug him. The very un-manly kind of hug, full arms around him, squeeze tightly, and hang on for way longer than acceptable.

After the way-too-long hug, I finally released him.

"Oh my god, Dad! I cannot believe you bought me a Gixxer! Thank you, so fucking much. Wow! I love it! I seriously fucking love it. Thank you!"

Yeah, I sounded like a little kid getting a pony, but I couldn't care less. I got the bike I had been wanting for years.

"Well, are you going to at least sit on it?" My mom asked breaking me out of my gawking at my new beautiful bike.

I didn't waste another second. I went over to the bike and inspected every single inch, caressing it gently so we could get acquainted. Only after I felt that we had bonded did I let myself sit on her. The excitement and adrenaline I felt running through my system felt unreal. I can't imagine what it will be like once I finally turn her on.

I sat proudly on my new bike while my mom took several pictures. Alice handed me a bad-ass helmet that matched my bike and told me happy birthday.

I had to listen to a fifteen minute lecture from my father about safety while riding. Only after I promised, then swore on my life that I would never ride without a helmet, and that I would always drive carefully and not try to do any stunts... yadda yadda yadda… only then did he give me the key.

"So can I follow you to Port Angeles?" I asked hopefully. "Because I really want to drive her."

As to why my bike was a "her" and not a "him"… well, I'm not gay. I was going to be riding her after all. Riding her hard.

"No, silly." Alice answered with an eye roll. "We are not really going. I have to set up for the party. Do you really think I would go out lolly-gagging all day, knowing I have a party to throw tonight?"

"Besides, we knew you would want to go show off to all your friends," my dad added. "But Edward, please be careful. I had to do a lot of convincing to get your mother to agree to this. If anything ever happens to you on that bike, your mother will never forgive me."

"No problem." I agreed quickly.

"One more thing…" he said, all serious. I get the concerned father thing, but this was getting ridiculous. "We want you to only drive around town for now, until you get familiar with the bike and how it handles. I don't want you going out of town and having to deal with the traffic on the freeway, and all that. For a while, just stay around home."

I agreed once again to his rules, and then I started it up. The purr of the engine excited me probably way more than it should have. I drove all over town for a while, just enjoying the freedom and the feel of the wind against my skin.

I did eventually make my rounds to all my boys' houses, showing off my new ride. Jake had an older bike and we planned a ride together for next week. Emmett was super-jealous and begged me to let him drive it. I repeated my father's words from years earlier… not just no, but "Hell No."

After I got done making my rounds, I headed home to have dinner with my family and get ready for my party. The party was scheduled to start at eight. That was early, in party terms, but Bella had a curfew so we had to start early so she could be there to enjoy it.

As soon as she arrived, I drug her out to the garage to show her my new wheels. She didn't seem overly impressed and was concerned about my safety. I promised her, just like my father, that I would always wear my helmet and drive carefully. After some time, I convinced her to ride with me. I borrowed Jake's helmet and let her use my new one. She is the only person that would be allowed to touch it. Granted, we only drove up and down the driveway and around the house, but it was nice having her that close to me with her arms wrapped tightly around me.

Once we made it back inside, the party was in full swing. The music was pumping and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Emmett convinced me to play a few rounds on beer pong and I was happy to see I still had my touch.

Bell played one game against me and gagged when she had to drink the beer. She begged me not to make her do it again. I got her a Smirnoff and let her sip on that instead, because I'm a nice guy and all.

I was monitoring my alcohol intake because I knew Bella wouldn't drink a lot, and I didn't want to make her feel out of place. She finally told me it was my birthday and I should enjoy myself, that she really didn't mind. And so I did let loose a little taking a few shots with my boys. Bella even let me do a body shot off her during the body shot contest.

Hottest. Thing. Ever.

Alice got a picture of it on Bella's camera and I demanded a copy of it. I planned to blow it up and cover my walls with several copies of that picture. Nothing better than homemade wall paper.

As the night wore on, Alice decided it was time for me to open my gifts. I got several bottles of cologne, some bottles of liquor and a few other things.

"I saved the best for last." Emmett's booming voice could be heard from across the room.

He walked over and handed me a plastic bag that was taped up. I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"What, man? That's all the wrapping I'm doing for you. Think about it. How gay would that look, if I wrapped your present?" he said, defending himself.

"True." I agreed. "Thanks for getting me something."

I tore into the bag. I couldn't hold in my laugh as I pulled out a pair of Lucky Charm boxers. On one side of the fly opening, it said "Magically" and on the other side was the word "Delicious".

"Really, Emm, you were worried about how it would look to wrap my gift, but you were not worried about how it would look to get me underwear?"

"Dude, shut the hell up." Emmett said between laughs. "Rose is the one that found them, and with your new nickname I just thought you should have some new undies to match."

Emmett cut his eyes at Rose as he pointed a finger in her direction. "She thought it was a great idea, she just refused to have any part in anything involved below the waist for your birthday present."

Bella grabbed them from me and as soon as she read what the writing said and figured out what went in the middle she doubled over in laughter.

"This is so great Emmett." She told him. "And so true," she said giving me a wink.

The entire room broke out in hoots and hollers.

"Okay, so maybe Bella has had a little too much to drink," Alice said, removing the wine cooler from her hand. "You are now on water from here on out, girlfriend. You have to head home in about an hour, and we don't want Charlie suspecting anything."

"We have one more thing for you," Jake said, then nodded his head at Emmett before turning his attention back to me. "Go sit over there on the couch and give us a few minutes."

Jake and Emm disappeared upstairs, and I made my way to the couch, pulling Bella down on my lap. We were deep in a make-out session when the music stopped. I pulled away from Bella and noticed everyone had gathered near us and were finding comfortable sitting positions.

I looked around confused, trying to find Alice, when I heard Jake call from up the stairs for everyone to quiet down. Things went from deadly silent to and eruption of laughter when Emm and Jake came down the stairs.

Emmett was wearing a pair of khakis and a light blue sweater vest shirt. He had on some god-awful carrot top wig which was sticking up in every direction on the sides. He had one of my favorite baseball hats turned backwards, hiding the top of the horrible hair. He was obviously trying to portray me, but my hair wasn't that color. And I certainly don't dress like that. Asshole.

But he wasn't the funny one. No, that would be Jake who was obviously made up to look like Bella. He had on a long brown wig and was in an actual dress. Only this wasn't any dress; it had to be someone's great-great-grandmother's. It was blue with tiny white flowers on it, and long, came all the way down to his ankles. Long sleeves with some kind of thick looking lace on the cuffs. Even his neck was covered in some turtle neck looking thing that was attached to the dress. How in the hell they ever found a dress to fit him I will never know, but that was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.

Emmett walked around the room with a little swagger, looking like a wanna-be '90s rapper. I definitely don't walk like that. Jake followed after him swishing his hips and constantly flinging his hair over his shoulder.

Once they made it back to the front of the room and the laughter died down, someone started some music. I laughed even harder recognizing the tune as Jake an Emm assumed their positions.

Emmett was the first one to sing along with the song, holding his hands up towards Jake like he was pleading his case.

_I got a little change in my pocket going jingle-lingle-ling  
Want to call you on the telephone baby, I give you a ring.  
But each time we talk I get the same old thing,  
Always "No huggin', no kissin' until I get a wedding ring."  
"My honey, my baby don't put my love upon no shelf…"_

Jake then stepped up to his part, wagging his finger in Emmett's face_  
_

"_Don't give no lines and keep your hands to yourself." _

Emmett fell down on his knees in front of Jake tugging lightly on the dress as he sang the next part.

_Cruel baby baby baby, why you want to treat me this way?  
You know I'm still your lover boy, I still feel the same way.  
That's when she told me a story 'bout free milk and a cow,  
and she said, "No huggin', no kissin' until I get a wedding vow."  
"My honey, my baby don't put my love upon no shelf…"_

Jake swatted Emmett's hands away this time, and shook his head as he sang his part. In a girlie voice, I might add._  
_

"_Don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself."_

Emmett turned to the group and sang to us like he was trying to explain the situation.

_You see, I wanted her real bad and I was about to give in.  
That's when she started talkin' true love, started talkin' about sin._

Jake came up behind Emmett pointing at his wedding ring finger and holding a Bible I hadn't noticed until now. I don't even want to know where he was hiding that. Emmett kept singing like he hadn't noticed. _  
_

_I said, "Honey, I'll live with you for the rest of my life."  
She said, "No huggin', no kissin' until you make me your wife."  
"My honey, my baby, don't put my love on no shelf."  
She said, "Don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself."_

Everyone including Bella and myself was in hysterics by the time they finished their charade. I have no idea how they did all of that with a straight face, but it was priceless. And although they were making fun of us, I knew it was all in good fun._  
_

The rest of the night went on in much the same way. Everyone laughing and hanging out and having a good time. In the history of birthdays, this was the best ever. I had my girl, my bike, my friends, and my family. What else was there?

I even found out that Alice had made the dress for Jake because they couldn't find one to fit him. No surprise there.__

A few weeks later, and things were still going smoothly. I was spending as much time with Bella as possible, and when we couldn't be together, I was driving my new bike. That was definitely my second love, after Bella.

When it happened, it was a Thursday afternoon. Bella, Jasper, Alice and I were all standing by Alice's car when Jasper suggested we come over to their house for a while. We didn't go over there to hang out often, because the Rev was always there, but occasionally we would go with the pretense of studying or something.

It was hard, because we all had to stay on our toes and make sure Charlie thought I was there to hang out with Jasper and Alice was only there to hang out with Bella. We didn't get to interact with each other much, but still, it was nice to spend as much time as possible with Bella so I agreed.

Alice and I pulled in the drive way directly behind Jasper and Bella. Alice jumped out of the car and ran to walk up the driveway with Bella. I waited back for Jasper to get his bookbag out of his truck and we trailed a few feet behind them.

As I made it up the steps, I looked up to see that Alice and Bella had stopped and were just standing dead still in the foyer. I stopped myself and looked around them to see a very pissed-off Charlie standing in front of them. His face was beat red with a very menacing look on his face. He was in a very aggressive stance, with his hands clenched into fist beside his body.

His hard eyes never left Bella as he addressed Alice and I. "The kids can't have company today. You two need to head home," he growled.

Alice nor I made and move to leave but Charlie didn't seem to notice.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" he bellowed. "My office, NOW!" He turned to walk the short distance to his office, not looking back, just assuming she was following him.

She quickly glanced back at us with wide eyes, and then took off in the direction of his office. It was clear to me that she was in trouble and that she was afraid. I hated this shit and I wasn't sure what I could do to help her in this situation.

I hesitated slightly then took off in the direction of the Rev's office. I hadn't made much progress, maybe two steps, when Jasper's hands were shoved forcefully into my chest.

"Dude, seriously, don't. Trust me, you will only make it worse."

I didn't want to believe him, but I knew he was right. Besides how much trouble could Bella really be in? The party was weeks ago, and she was every parents' dream. The girl really was as close to perfection as any teenager could possibly be. Why was the Rev so angry with her?

"Do you know what this is about? Has she done anything wrong?" I questioned Jasper hoping he would have some insight.

"I honestly have no idea, but it can't be anything that bad. I mean, come on, this is Bella we are talking about." He reassured me. He turned his attention to Alice. "You two should get going, I'll find out what's going on, smooth things over and give you a call later to let you know what this was all about."

"Okay, sure." Alice agreed but seemed unsure about leaving herself.

Alice and I turned to leave. Just as we were making it to the door, I heard Charlie's voice raise considerably, then there was a hard thud sound like something was thrown against the wall. Bella let out a loud shriek which was immediately followed by a very distinct slapping sound.

I wasted no time turning back around. I had no fucking idea what was going on, but I will not allow Charlie to lay a hand on Bella for any reason.

Jasper was once again holding be back. "Dude, get the fuck out so I can go help her," he spat.

"There is no way in hell I am leaving." I ground out. "Now move out of my way!"

Jasper wasn't budging. He got right in my face.

"I don't have to me for this, Edward, because I need to go help Bella. You can't help. You will only make matter worse, and you know it. So once again, I'm saying 'get the fuck out' so I can fix this."

I didn't want to leave. It went against everything I felt to walk out that door. Only with Alice pulling on me and Jasper shoving me did I even make it out the door. I stood on the porch not willing to move and knew. I just knew I couldn't leave her there. Granted, Charlie was her father, but the look she had in her eyes. She was so afraid. I couldn't do it; I couldn't leave. I didn't know what the laws for this kind of thing were, but I would get her out of there even if I had to throw her over my shoulder and carry her out. We could go to my house. My parents could help us figure this out. Shit, she could move in with me. Just as long as she wasn't here being slapped about. She didn't deserve this.

I went back to rush through the door, but it was locked. The little fucker knew I would come back for her. I immediately ran to the back to try and get in the back door. Because the world is against me, that door was locked too.

I ran back to the front and tried the door once more, for good measure. Of course, it didn't work, so I started beating on the door. I know they heard me, but no one came to the door. Twenty minutes later, it was obvious they were not going to answer the door for me.

Only after Alice persuaded me that they were probably having a family meeting trying to work out the problem did I get in the car with her and leave the love of my life.

I waited and waited, but Bella never called. I tried her cell at least a hundred times, but it went straight to voice mail every time. I tried Jasper several times and even had Alice calling every half hour, but he never answered either.

I didn't sleep a wink that night. I couldn't. All I could think about was how I had failed Bella by leaving her there to deal with whatever it was all by herself.

I got to school before anybody else and I waited patiently, but Bella never showed. School started and I went through the motions of the first two periods not hearing anything that was said.

Finally, after second period, I spotted Jasper at his locker. I didn't stall; I ran right to him.

"Where is Bella? Is she okay? What happened? Where is she?" I asked hoping he could make sense of my rambling.

When Jasper looked up at me, I knew. I could tell by the look in his eyes that things were definitely not alright.

"Dude, I can't tell you much," he said with his voice low so no eavesdroppers could hear us. "That is up to Bella to share, whenever she says so. All I can tell you is she is not here. Things got bad, but I called Maria. She is on her way. She should be here later today, and things should get better."

"Jasper, way too cryptic. What the hell are you talking about? And where the fuck is Bella, if she isn't here?" I asked, loudly, but he just shook his head.

"Tell me what the hell happened!" I demanded, and people started to turn their heads and stare.

"It's not my story to tell, man. But I truly am sorry." He did look sorry, but I wanted answers, and he was bogarting the truth from me.

"This is so fucked up, Jasper. I thought we were friends. You know how much I love Bella, and you won't even tell me what is going on? Dude, that is Fucked Up."

"I agree. This is a fucked-up situation. I wish I could fix it, but this time, not even I could help. I do consider you a friend, and I know how much you care for Bella. I am sure she will tell you about it herself when she is ready. As soon as Maria gets here, I'm sure things will get worked out, but for now, you just have to be patient, Edward."

Jasper turned to walk away. I searched for Alice and as soon as I found her I went through my line of questioning but it seems Jasper had not told her anything either.

I was at a loss. I had no idea what to do, but I knew I had to find Bella and help her.

**There ya have it my peeps :) Leave a review and I will send out a teaser for the next chapter...**

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	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight :(**

**A/N: Holy Hell your reviews last chapter absolutely blew me away! Thank you all so so so much. I am still in shock with the number of reviews, the highest number of any chapter so far. Keep it up!**

**Big thanks to ManiacMotherland for betaing this for me:) She out did herself on this one and deserves lot's of praise! If you haven't read her stories you should do so ASAP!**

**My girl Sara pre-read this chap for me and said it made her cry and that I should issue a Charlie angst warning. I didn't think it was that bad, but just in case... you have been warned.**

**Here for your reading pleasure is chap 29, consider it an early Christmas gift :)**

Chapter 29

EPOV

School on Friday dragged on for what seemed like eternity. I tried a few more times to confront Jasper, but he would not give me any details on Bella. By the time I made it home, I was a wreck. Of course, my mother noticed right away that something was off with me. I filled her in on what had happened over the last two days and I could tell she was just as worried as I was.

Her mothering instinct took over after a few minutes, and she told me it was probably nothing big, that I was just blowing it way out of proportion. She told me to try and not worry and that she would call Maria and see what she could find out for me.

I sat patiently and waited for her to return with her phone book. She dialed Maria's house number and put the phone on speaker. Angela picked up on the fourth ring. Surprisingly, my mother skipped all pleasantries and got straight to the point.

"Hello, dear, this is Esme Cullen. Could I please speak with your mother?

Angela hesitated slightly before answering. "I'm sorry, Esme; she is not here. She actually caught a flight this morning to Forks. She should have arrived at the Swan's a few hours ago."

"Thank you Angela, I will try her on her cell, but if she calls home before I get a chance to speak with her, will you please let her know I am trying to reach her?"

"I will let her know."

Mom immediately hung up and dialed Maria's cell phone number, this time not turning it to speaker phone. I sat patiently listening to the phone ring until her answering machine picked up. My mom left a short message asking Maria to call her at her earliest convenience and slowly spoke the digits to both her house and cell phone numbers in case Maria didn't have them with her.

"Edward, there really is nothing you can do until we find out exactly what is going on." She said patting my leg, but the look on her face was worried and she couldn't hide it from me. "You look horrible. Have you eaten anything or slept at all?

"No, not really." I told her honestly. Food and sleep had been the last thing on my mind.

"Come on, and I will make you a sandwich. You should eat and then try to get some sleep. As soon as I hear anything, I will let you know. I promise."

I agreed only because I was dead on my feet and desperately needed some sleep. I went to the kitchen and ate the sandwich my mother made before heading upstairs for an afternoon nap. It didn't take me long to fall asleep, since I hadn't slept a wink the night before. All the stress from the day had really wore on me; I was sure some sleep would help things make a little more sense.

I fell into a restless sleep, dreaming of Bella being tied and gagged and beaten by her father. I knew this was not accurate, but it was obvious that I was anxious about by girl. After I woke up, I went downstairs to check with my mother in case she had heard from Maria. She said she hadn't, but that she would try calling her again after a while.

I tried busying myself around the house, but I couldn't concentrate on much because I was just too worried about Bella.

Finally, Saturday morning, my mom came up to my room telling me she had spoken with Maria, and while she didn't know details, she did know that things had gotten out of hand and she was handling the situation. She told me Bella would call me later to explain things to me herself.

This eased my mind somewhat, knowing that I would be talking to her soon. Still, I was overly concerned about what had happened to bring all of this on. I tried to stay busy; I cleaned my room for a while, messed around on the computer, listened to some music, but time seemed to be standing still.

I finally decided to take a nap so that I would be fully alert when Bella finally did call. I changed into the pajama pants she had gotten me and climbed under my covers, placing my phone next to me on the pillow so I would hear it when it rang.

I slept much longer than I had anticipated and when I finally woke up, the room was enveloped in darkness. I immediately turned to look out the window and saw it was pitch black outside. As I was staring through the darkened windowpane, trying to collect my thoughts, I caught a movement across the room out of the corner of my eye.

I sat up quickly and scanned the room. My gaze fell on Bella sitting in my computer chair. I immediately kicked the covers off of me and leapt from my bed, moving towards Bella as quickly as possible. I had to make sure she was real, not just a dream, or a figment of my imagination.

As soon as I was close enough to her, I pulled her up, holding her tight in my embrace. I was so happy I seriously could have cried. But I took a moment to get my emotions under control before I spoke, so I didn't look like a total wuss.

While I was able to control my emotions, Bella was not. I could hear her sniffles and feel her tears soaking my chest.

"Shhh, baby girl, don't cry. Everything will be alright."

I had no idea if this statement was correct or not but I just wanted to comfort her. So I lied. Sue me.

"Bella, what the hell is going on? What happened? Where have you been? I have been worried sick about you baby."

"I don't... I don't want to... please, just hold me," she stuttered between sobs. If that's what she wanted I was willing to give it to her. There would be plenty of time for talking later.

"Okay, angel, whatever you need," I told her, guiding her slowly to my bed so I could sit and hold her like she wanted.

I looked over to the alarm clock on my nightstand and saw that it was already nine o'clock. I wondered how Bella had managed to get out of the house so late and at what time she needed to be back home, but I didn't ask. Those questions were not important right now. The most important thing was the girl crying in my lap. I held her as close as possible just running my hand up and down her back whispering in her ear how much I loved her and how I promised to help fix the problem, whatever it was.

Finally, after some time embracing, Bella managed to calm down. I just continued holding her and rubbing her back. I knew whatever was going on was hard for her, and I figured she would start the conversation when she was finally ready.

What I had not expected was for Bella to start placing soft lingering kisses on my chest. I hadn't paid much attention up until this point about my lack of shirt. I usually slept shirtless, so I wasn't surprised. I just hadn't thought to put a shirt on since I had noticed Bella in my room.

I loosened my grip on her and tried to lean away a bit.

"Bella, baby that is probably not a good idea right now," I tried to warn her. I didn't want to be a complete ass, but her soft lips against my skin were causing my body to react in inappropriate ways.

Bella placed one more kiss over my heart and then sat up to look at me. She wiped her stay tears away and took a deep breath.

"Edward, I love you, and I always will. No matter what, you will always be my first true love."

Her words caught me a little off-guard, but I assumed she just needed to express her feelings.

"Bella, I love you too, so so much and I always will." I reassured her.

She leaned in so close to me I could feel her breath ghosting across my skin. Very quietly, so softly I almost didn't hear her, she whispered, "You're the one" before connecting her lips with mine. I kissed her back, trying to keep all of my movement slow and careful.

Bella apparently had other ideas as to where this kiss was heading, because soon her hands were roaming all over with her nails slightly scratching down my chest. Her lips remained busy as well. She was nipping at my bottom lip followed by her tongue running over it to sooth the sting. She knew how much this drove me crazy, and I couldn't help the huge boner I got from her actions.

There was no denying that she felt it, especially when she started rubbing herself against it and moaning. A small part of my brain told me to stop this now, but honestly, all my blood was rushing to other extremities and I just wasn't thinking clearly. So I allowed my horny inner teenage boy to continue the inappropriate make-out session.

I told myself just a little while longer and then I would stop this. It was when I noticed Bella was unbuttoning her shirt that I knew things had gone too far and we needed to stop this now and talk.

"Bella, baby, stop…. hey now, wait just a freaking minute, Bella." I grabbed her hands to keep her from undoing another button. "Things here are getting carried away. We need to slow down."

Bella was shaking her head and trying to free herself, gasping out the words as she did.

"I don't want to slow down, Edward. I want... I want to do this."

That statement confused the hell out of me. I swear I will never understand how the woman's mind works.

"This? You… what? You want to do… do what exactly Bella?"

She stopped struggling with me and sat back more as she dropped her hands to her lap.

"Edward, I want to give myself to you. That's why I'm here. I love you and I want to do this, to do it. You said to tell you when I'm ready, and I ready. I want you to be my first. So please… fuck me, Edward. Fuck me now."

This wasn't the Bella I knew. I am not sure where all of this was coming from and it just made me more concerned about what had happened to her.

Not that I didn't want to fuck. God damn it but I wanted to fuck her.

"What! Bella that is just crazy!" I couldn't hide the shock in my voice. "You don't know what you are saying. What happened to waiting until marriage?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "I changed my mind. I know that I love you, and I know when I look back on this decision that I won't regret it. My virginity is only something I can give to one person, and I choose you. I want to share the most intimate experience of my life with you."

I wanted to give in. Holy hell did I want to finally have sex with her but this just wasn't right. I knew we would both regret this decision later. If it was truly something she wanted to do I was open to discuss it, but now was not the right time.

"Bella, baby we have lots of time. We can talk about this later when you are thinking a little more clearly. Right now I am worried about you. I really need to know what is going on. Why were you in trouble? What happened with your father?"

"That's just it, Edward." She said exasperated. "I don't have time. This is it. This is our only chance."

"Bella, what the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean you don't have time?"

"Edward, please," she warbled as she placed her hands on either side of my face, pleading with me. "Please can we just talk about this later? I really want to do this with you, then I promise I will explain everything."

"No Bella, that is not going to work. You need to talk to me now. I have been patient, but this is getting ridiculous. Please just tell me what the hell happened, because no sex or even discussion of sex is happening between us until you give me some details."

I can't believe I was actually turning her down, as hard as it was, but I knew I had to.

"Fine!" Bella huffed, climbing off of my lap and sitting beside me. I immediately missed the contact with her, but the distance was probably for the best.

I rolled over to my side so I was facing her, propping my head up on my hand. She mimicked my position and soon we were lying nose to nose.

"Bella, please talk to me. I have been so worried about you, and I didn't know what to do to make it better. I love you so much, and I hate it that you were hurting."

"I know you were worried, Edward," she responded. "I just didn't have any way to get in contact with you. This was the best I could do, spur of the moment."

She then closed her eyes and seemed to be lost in thought for a while.

"But if you want to talk, we can talk. I honestly don't even know where to start."

"Just take your time, Bella. Start from the beginning and talk as long as you want to. I'm here for you, whatever you need."

"Okay, here goes nothing." She took another deep breath and opened her eyes. She looked so afraid and lost that I just wanted to wrap her in my arms and tell her she didn't have to talk about it if she didn't want to. But that wasn't going to happen. As hard as it was, I needed to know what happened.

"Remember you asked me for my phone Thursday morning so we could charge it in your car?"

"Yeah." I nodded, not liking where this was headed.

"Well, I had forgotten it that morning. I don't know how I managed to do that. I never forget my phone. It was just a hectic morning and I was running late and it just completely slipped my mind. Still I wasn't worried about it because I had it in my hiding spot under my pillow. I mean my dad had no reason to go searching through my room, right? What were the chances he would look under my pillow and find it?"

I wanted to be patient and wait for her to explain everything but she had stopped talking and I could see tears streaming down her face again. So I asked the question I already knew the answer to.

"Did your father go through your room? Did he find your cell phone?"

She let a loud sob out as she nodded her head yes.

I stroked my finger across her cheek, wiping the tears away. "It's okay. It's over now."

"No…" she said in a strained voice. "That is just the beginning."

"When he called me into his office and showed me the phone, I knew I would be in trouble for having it. I just wasn't prepared for what happened next. He went through my phone, Edward. He went through all my recent calls, he read my text… he looked through my pictures."

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed. This was bad. Really bad. About as bad as it gets.

"Exactly," she said with a humorless laugh. "I had erased some stuff, but there were still a lot of our dirty texts, and the pictures of your... of Sam on there."

"Bella, I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I got you that stupid phone and I sent those pictures and instigated those texts. I should have known better. I never thought about your father finding it and actually going through your phone."

"No, it's not all your fault!" she stopped me from my rant. "I am taking full responsibility for this. I went along willingly with everything. I loved texting you, Edward, and I think we both know how much I enjoyed the pictures you sent me. I should have been more responsible and erased all the evidence. It was a stupid mistake on my part."

"Bella, this is not your fault. I won't let you take all the blame on this one. I can go talk to your father, explain that what we did was wrong, but still we haven't gone beyond that... much. Did you tell him that you were still saving yourself for marriage? That should have eased his mind somewhat."

"I did tell him that I was still a virgin, but he didn't believe me. After I went in his office and he showed me the phone, I immediately began apologizing. When he pulled up the pictures I knew I was done for. He told me that this wasn't love and that I was stupid for believing that you could ever love me. He said you were just using me and that I fell into your lies and deceit, and once you were tired of me, that you would toss me to the side. He called me a slut and said that you were sent by the Devil to tempt me. He said that I wasn't pure and good anymore, that I would never be right again in the eyes of the Lord. That… that I am… 'used goods' and will never get a decent, godly man to marry me."

She paused and I stroked some of her hair to let her finish. She didn't start up again, so I thought I would prompt her.

"So what happened then?" I asked.

"I snapped. I told him none of that was true. That he just didn't know you, Edward. That's when he threw the phone against the wall, breaking it. And then he slapped me."

I ground my teeth my teeth but said nothing. Someday, somehow, Charlie Swan would pay for that.

"It was horrible Edward," Bella continued. "He has been strict and hard on me for my entire life, but never has he hit me like that before."

I had to hold her. I closed the gap between us and pulled her into my arms. I wanted to kill the Rev with my bare hands. What right does he have to degrade her like that and then physically hit her?

"Bella, you know that none of that was right, don't you? I love you. I am in no way using you for anything. It is never okay for anyone to put you down like that or use physical violence to get there point across. Please tell me you know that, Bella."

"I do know that, but that's not all of it, Edward. And holy crow, it gets worse. A lot worse," she said before moving away from me and burying her face in my pillow.

"Jesus, how much more can there be? Don't be embarrassed Bella, just tell me. You know you can tell me anything," I comforted her while rubbing what I hoped to be soothing circles on her back.

"Well… a lot," she said, turning her face so that she was facing me again. "After I recovered from the shock from him slapping me, I told him again that he was wrong, that you were not using me, that we had not had sex and that you knew of my commitment to wait until marriage to have a sexual relationship and that you were very supportive of my decision. Jasper came in about that point, and saw the pieces of the phone lying shattered on the floor. He yelled at my dad, asking what was going on. My dad yelled back at him and told him he had failed at protecting me and that the fact that I was a lowlife tramp was his fault. My dad and Jasper yelled back and forth at each other for a while, each blaming the other for my transgressions."

"Go on," I prodded gently. God this must be hard for her to retell, I thought.

"I finally couldn't take it anymore, so I left them there arguing and went to my room and cried myself to sleep. I thought after everyone had some time to cool down that we could possibly talk about it the next morning. Then, Friday morning, when my alarm went off at six, I wasn't sure if we would still be having morning devotion or not. I decided the best thing to do would be to just go about my normal routine and act like nothing happened until my father brought it up again. I showered and got ready for school and went downstairs to start the coffee like I do every morning."

"When I got downstairs," she continued, "my father was already sitting in the dining room with his Bible lying open on the table while he was praying. He was wearing the same clothes from the night before, so I assume he hadn't been to sleep. I piddled around in the kitchen until Jasper came down and we both went into the dining room together. We all sat in silence for a good twenty minutes while my dad continued praying silently. Once he finished, he just stared at me for a while and then announced that we were not having devotion that morning, and that I would not be going to school. I asked him why and he told me that he was taking me to the doctor.

"Doctor?" I said as I tried to hold in my anger. "You didn't have a broken bones or anything from before, did you?"

"No, broken bones. Just a broken heart. Jasper immediately came to my defense and asked why he was taking me to the doctor. I obviously wasn't sick. My dad basically told him to mind his own business. Jasper stormed out of the room. I later found out he had gone and called Maria to intercede on my behalf, which I will never forget, as long as I live. But, after that, my father didn't say another word to me. He just got up from the table and went to shower and change clothes. I just busied myself around the house cleaning odd and end things and finally just went to my room to wait until he was ready."

I nodded, she breathed. A few minutes passed.

"A few hours later he called for me to come down so we could leave. When I made it down the stairs, he was already in the car, so I just went out there and got in the car with him. He didn't speak to me the entire ride there, and I didn't try to initiate any conversation myself. Only, when we arrived at the women's clinic, I was very confused. I couldn't hold it in anymore, and I had to ask him what we were doing there. His words exactly were 'I will not stand for my daughter being a harlot any longer. I want to know exactly how many boys you have allowed to lay with you and I want to know what exactly they can provide me with to make sure it does not happen again'."

"What? Like a chastity belt?" I asked her, thinking her father had officially gone off the deep end.

"I… don't… know what exactly he had in mind. I started crying again and told him I had never had sex and I really was planning on waiting until marriage. I begged him to believe me, and not make me go in there. He was not having any of it and forced me into the doctor's office. "

Bella started crying harder now and I hated the Rev and everything he had put her through.

"Bella, it's okay if you want to take a break for a while. I know this must be so hard for you to talk about."

"No," she said between sobs. "I really want to get this over with so we can move past it. "

"Okay, baby, just take your time." I said while turning to lay on my back and pulling her so her head was resting on my chest. I started stroking her hair and just waited until she could get her sobs under control to talk again.

Once she had calmed down enough, she propped her chin up on my chest so she could look at me and began talking again.

"It was horrible, Edward, just horrible. When the doctor called my name, my dad got up to follow me back into the exam room. Once we had made it to the door, the nurse told him he was not allowed to accompany me for my physical. He got so mad, starting yelling, and told them I was his daughter and he had every right. People were staring at us and I wanted to crawl under the carpet. After some time, the nurse was able to explain to him that since I was getting a vaginal exam there was no way he would be allowed in there. He finally agreed and told them he wanted to know exactly how many boys I had been with. He wanted me tested for any diseases, and he wanted to know if something could be inserted so that I would be unable to have sex again until I was married. The nurse looked at him like he had lost his mind but said she would send the doctor out to talk to him after the exam was completed.

"Oh, Bella," I whispered. "I am so so fucking sorry. You don't have to tell me anymore."

"No, let me finish! Once she had me in the room, I was crying uncontrollably. She tried so hard to get me to calm down but I was just too upset. She finally went and got the doctor who came in to talk to me. The doctor, her first name was Linda, she was so nice and understanding. She told me not to worry, that there was a thing called patient-doctor confidentiality and that she couldn't tell my father anything I didn't want her to. I told her that I was a virgin but that my father wouldn't believe me.

"She said that I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to, but that I was at the age that I should get checked out just to make sure everything was alright.

"I finally agreed to let her do an exam. I was scared to death but she was gentle and talked me through everything. The nurse stayed in the room with us and explained to her what my father wanted. I don't know why, but I told her the whole story of what had happened and why my father was so concerned, but I reiterated that I was a virgin.

"Well, you are," I shrugged. "You have nothing to hide, Bella, and nothing to be ashamed of. You are a virgin. Reluctantly still a virgin, I might add. But still a virgin. I can personally vouch for that."

Bella smiled, just a little, but she was beat down right then, I figured I would hold off on the jokes for a while and not push it any further.

"Then she explained to me that, when you have sex for the first time, your hymen gets broken and there can be a small amount of bleeding, but a lot of times the hymen gets broken before you have sex from sports, or riding horses or using… or using… or using, you know… tampons." Bella blushed after saying this and I had to chuckle.

"Bella you can skip the on-the-rag talk if it makes you uncomfortable."

She blushed again. "Yeah, I think I will. Anyway, everything was fine with my exam. No problems at all and... that… umm... that everything… down there…ummm…. was still intact."

"So could you just get the doctor to tell your father this, then he would know for certain that you are still, in fact, a virgin?" I asked hoping this was the case so the Rev would feel like a complete ass for the way he had treated Bella.

"Yeah, I asked her to tell my father that part and she agreed she would. She also told me that if I thought I would be having sex anytime soon that she could give me a prescription for birth control pills. Of course, I told her I was committed to wait until marriage before having sex and that, even if I was having sex, I couldn't be on the pills because I was too afraid my father would find them. She applauded my decision to wait until marriage, but said that sometimes things happen and hormones get carried away. She went over other options of birth control and did make me promise that I would use a condom if I did ever have sex before marriage. She gave me a long lecture on teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases and how they all can be avoided. Once again, she said that abstinence is always the best policy for prevention of both. Then I gave her permission to tell my father the details of my exam, and she walked out of the room and did so. Of course, leaving out the part about her offering me birth control."

"I bet your father felt so bad for the way he had treated you. Did he apologize and try to make it up to you?" Wishing I could have seen the look on his face when he found out how wrong he had been.

"No," Bella said, wiping away some more tears. "He didn't apologize. Instead, he asked the doctor what type of things she could prescribe me that would prevent me from having sex until I was married. Like there was some kind of procedure or pill for being a teenager in love. She told him that was not an option and he needed to be more understanding and open to talking to me about these types of issues."

"Yeah, talking to his only daughter and being understanding. What are the odds of that?" I snarked, rolling my eyes back into my head.

"Yes. Yes. I kind of hoped for the same response as well. I thought for sure this information would have made him happy, but I couldn't be more wrong. He was still just as mad at me as he was before. He only spoke to me to tell me how disappointed he was in me for my actions of portraying myself as the town Jezebel. He said I was a disgrace to him and an embarrassment to his ministry. He told me he couldn't have me here, destroying everything he was working so hard for and that he was going to find a Christian all-girls school to send me to."

"What! No fucking way, Bella! He can't send you away. I won't let that happen." I was beyond pissed. What would it take for this man to realize what an amazing daughter he had?

"Wait. Please wait. This is the hardest part, Edward," she said while using her finger to trace my nose and lips. "I do have to go away for a while. But I am not being sent away to school. Maria flew in yesterday afternoon, and while my father won't speak or even look at me, he did talk to her. She was able to convince him to let me go stay with them for a while."

"What? No! You can't move to fucking Florida. We can figure something else out. Bella you can't leave me!"

Her tears were flowing freely now, and I may have shed a couple drops myself. But don't quote me on that.

"Edward, I don't want to leave you. I promise I don't," she sniffled. "It's just that… well, I don't see any other way. Do you? I can't stay here and live like this. I don't have any other options. It will only be for a little while, a few months at most, just to give everyone time to calm down. Maria thinks that once I leave, my father will realize how wrong he has been and beg for my forgiveness."

I didn't even try to hide the tears rolling down my face.

"Bella, please don't leave me. I can't live without you anymore. You are everything to me. I don't know how to be me without you. We have to think of something. You and I, we are smart. You can figure this out. You can move in with us. I am sure my parents would let you, once we explained everything."

Bella was crying harder now, clutching onto me for dear life. "I wish it were that simple, Edward. I really do. You know that will never work. That wouldn't solve anything. It would just reiterate what my father has been saying all along: Can you imagine the gossip around town? The preacher's daughter living with a boy out of wedlock?"

"Who gives a shit about everyone else? Bella, the people that really matter will understand." I felt like my world was crumbling down around me. There was no way I could let the love of my life walk away.

"But my father won't understand. Don't you get it? Edward, I know it's hard for you to digest, but he is still my father, and however wrong he may be, his opinion of me still matters. I want a normal relationship with him. I want to be able to talk to him and share things about my life. And this is the only way I see us being able to fix our relationship. Please don't make me choose between you two, Edward. Because I can't. I won't. You can't make me."

"So what was all that earlier? You just wanted to fuck me and then leave?" I sat up and scooted away from her on the bed. "Is that how little you think of our relationship? Wine-dine-69-fuck-and-run?"

"What! No!" Bella exclaimed sitting up on her knees to really look at me. "Edward I have to leave, even if it is just for a little while… and I didn't know... I just didn't know if you would want to wait for me. It will be really hard to try and have such a long-distance relationship and I wasn't sure if you would want to just end it and move on. I know that I will never feel for someone the way I feel about you and I wanted to share the experience of my first time with you. I thought it might be my last chance and I always wanted to remember you as my first."

"Bella, our relationship has never been based on sex, and it certainly is not going to start now. I will be your first, and your last when we get married one day. I don't care how many thousands of miles away you are, you will always be my girl."

I was confused by the hurt that crossed Bella's face before she looked away. I pulled her down to me again forcing her to look at me.

"What's wrong? Please tell me what I said that hurt you."

"It's nothing, really."

Bella tried to look away again, but I wasn't about to let it go.

"Please talk to me," I pushed.

"It's just…" Bella looked so nervous and finally closed her eyes to finish her statement. "It's just that you had sex with all the other girls with no problem, but yet you turn me down."

"Please, look at me, angel," I asked and then waited for her to open her eyes. "I have had sex with other girls, but I didn't love them. With you it's special; it means something to me. I don't want our first time together to be because you felt like it was your last chance. There will be other chances, Bella. I promise. This is not the end of our story. This is just the beginning of a new chapter."

"You promise?" Bella questioned still looking uncertain.

"I promise we will always be together, even if we are miles apart. You own my heart. You are my life now. I can't and don't want to change that."

"I feel the same way," Bella said kissing me softly.

"I have to leave first thing in the morning, so I won't get to tell you goodbye. Please just know that I love you with all of my heart, nothing will ever change that. However, I will understand if you change your mind and get tired of waiting for me."

I rolled my eyes out of aggravation, because it felt like she wasn't listening to a word I was saying.

"Just wait and see Bella. I can tell you until I am blue in the face, but only time will show you how much you mean to me."

"Can we just talk about something else for a while?" Bella asked changing the subject. "All of this has been kind of heavy and we don't have much time left together. I want to have happy memories when I think about the last time we were together."

"Agreed," I said, happy to move on to a lighter subject. "So did you notice I was wearing the ducky PJ's you got me?"

"No," Bella said giggling. "I guess you were able to get them cleaned. You have to model them for me."

So needing to hear her laugh, I got up and did a little dance in my ducky PJ's while singing "I'm too sexy for my pants".

Bella and I spent the remainder of the night laughing and talking about everything. And a little bit of kissing was thrown in there. Okay, maybe _a lot_ of kissing, but I was careful not to let it get out of hand.

We must have fallen asleep at some point during the night because the last thing I remember was holding her and smelling her hair.

When I woke up, the sun was shining brightly through my window. It hurt a little that Bella had not bothered to wake me before she left. I rolled over to see a folded piece of paper sitting on the pillow next to me with her pre-engagement ring placed on top of the note.

I didn't have time to read the note, but I knew what it would say. She loved me but understood if I changed my mind and wanted to move on.

I jumped up from the bed and threw on a shirt, not bothering to change my pants. I had to find her and it didn't matter what I was wearing. I grabbed the note and the ring, because there was no way in hell she was going to Florida where Aaron lived, without her ring on her finger.

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**My recs for the week**

**A litany at Dusk by duckwatcher2153**

**No turning back by KellanCougar**

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**MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS to you!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: The character are not mine, they belong to SM :)**

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**Possible tissue warning...just in case :)**

B POV

Telling Edward about everything that had happened with my father and at the doctor had been hard, but nothing would be as hard as leaving him.

As hard as I was trying not to harbor resentment towards my father, I was finding it next to impossible. It was bordering on a strong hate. I kept replaying Proverbs 10:12 '_Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins' _over and over in my mind to remind myself hating him wouldn't solve my problems.

I had tried my whole life to please him and be the daughter he wanted, it just never seemed to be enough. I never seemed to be able to live up to his expectations, fill the shoes he had deemed me capable of wearing. And now because of him I have to give up the thing that meant the most to me – Edward and the love we shared.

I had honestly gone through every possible scenario to be able to stay here, but nothing seemed to work. What I hadn't told Edward was while my father had agreed to let me go stay with Maria, he had also demanded I leave his house immediately. I was a sobbing mess, begging his forgiveness, pleading with him not to kick me out of my home. But it didn't work, he didn't care. He grabbed his car keys, said he was stepping out long enough for me to pack and I had better be gone when he returned. I was to upset to even attempt packing so Maria packed my things for me while Jasper held me and allowed me to cry on his shoulder. Maria took me to a hotel so I could get myself together enough to get some sleep before having to tell all of my friends goodbye.

When I had finally gained some control and gotten some sleep, Maria talked to me about what had happened. I told her everything from my side of things. Yes I was embarrassed and wondered if she would think less of me for my actions but I thought it would be best to just get everything out in the open.

While she did not agree with everything I had done she still felt that my father had overreacted and should have been able to talk to me and hear my side of things. She wasn't mad at me per say, but she was dissappointed in some of the choices I had made. While she was holding me accountable for my actions she also felt had my father not had such a tight reign on me, I probably would not have rebeled this way.

Edward had fallen asleep with me cuddled up next to him. I wish I had been able to fall asleep as easily. Had it been any other time under different circumstances, I'm sure I would have been able to do just that without fail. I felt so warm and safe wrapped in his arms. It would be so easy to just stay here in this moment forever.

As hard as I tried to just relax and enjoy out last few minutes together I just couldn't turn my mind off. I kept thinking how this could possibly be the last time I would ever see him, the last time he ever held me in his arms, the last time I was officially 'his girl'.

Sure he had told me his love for me would never waver and that we would always be together, but that is a lot easier said than done. After all, he was just an 18 year old boy and I couldn't help but wonder if he would change his mind over time. I know from experience how lonely life can be without someone.

There is no denying he is one very nice looking guy, and all the girls seem to gravitate toward him. I wondered how long it will take for the loneliness to win out and for him to give into temptation.

I was torturing myself by laying here in his arms thinking of how I would be replaced shortly. I wondered who would fill my spot. Would it be Jessica? God I hoped not. Maybe he would go for Lauren, Tanya, or possibly Jane. I was having a hard time picturing Edward with anyone besides me, but that was just a reality I was going to have to face. After all, this was my fault; I am the one that hid the phone from my father and kept the pictures and text on there instead of erasing them like a smart person would have done.

The most important thing to me was that Edward was happy. If that meant moving on and finding a replacement for me then that is something I would just have to learn to live with. It wouldn't be easy, it would literally break my heart, but as long as he was happy I would learn to deal.

I decided I couldn't take laying in his arms any longer so I got up and scrounged through his desk looking for a piece of paper and a pen. I wrote him a letter telling him how much I loved him and how wonderful he had made my life over these last few months. I told him how hard life was going to be without him and how I wished there was another way. I told him how I only wanted him to be happy and if he got tired of waiting I would understand. After all wasn't the saying _If you love something, set __it free; if it comes back then it was meant to be? _supposed to be true?

I placed the letter and my ring on the pillow beside him. I knew I should wake him up to tell him goodbye but I just couldn't.

I took a few minutes to watch him sleep again thinking how much I was going to miss this wonderful boy. I leaned down to kiss him softly and walked away. I made my way to Alice's room knowing I couldn't leave without at least letting her know I would no longer be here.

I stood outside her door and took a deep breath. It would never got easier telling the people I loved goodbye. I knocked softly and when she didn't answer I quietly cracked the door open and stepped inside.

The room was dark, like I had assumed it would be. It was late after all and most people would be sleeping at this time.

I clicked on her bedside lamp and then gently crawled in her bed and just laid there for a few minutes basking in the comfort I felt just being near her. I am not sure what it is about the Cullens but they had a way of making you feel at peace by just being near them.

Finally I gently nudged her and waited as her eyes blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the darkness. Once she spotted me she didn't even hesitate; she leapt from her spot on the bed, still tangled in her covers and pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged her back just as tightly and couldn't help the sobs that escaped. I was going to miss this girl so darn much; heck, I was going to miss the whole family. They had accepted me and made me feel like part of a family that I had longed for.

"Oh Bella, I was so worried. What happened? Are you alright?" The words were pouring out in a hoarse voice and I could tell she had been truly worried.

Not wanting to re-hash all the details I simply nodded and continued holding on to her.

Once I had my sobs under control I explained things the best way I could without going into to much detail. Letting her know that things had been hard and my father and I were on the outs but that I would be alright in time.

She finally pulled away releasing me from her grasp. "I understand Bella, I really do. Just know that whenever you are ready to talk about it I am here for you."

My heart broke a little more at her words. "That's the thing Alli; I have to leave for a while. I'm not sure when I will be back, but for now this is the best solution."

"Leave?" She sat up a little straighter giving me her full attention. "What do you mean leave? Where are you going?"

"I have to go away for a while. Maria is here to take me back to Florida with her. My hope is that my father and I will be able to work our problems out and I will be able to be back in a few months. I just couldn't leave without telling you goodbye first. Alice, you have been so great to me; you truly are the best friend a girl could ask for."

Alice was already shaking her head. "What! Bella, you can't leave! I am sorry about whatever happened with your father but it has to be fixable. You are family, and family works things out; they don't just move away from each other!"

"I wish it were that simple, but it's not. Trust me; this is the best thing for my father and I right now. I am really hoping that over time we can work things out and be the family we all need."

"Wow, things must be really bad if leaving is the only answer." She mused and I just nodded my head, letting her know that was the case.

"Does Edward know? He will be absolutely crushed. I hope this doesn't set him back, he has come so far."

"Yes he knows. I have been with him for the last few hours explaining everything and..." I looked away, feeling myself blush. "…I basically threw myself at him…" I finished in a small voice.

Alice grabbed my face using both of her tiny hands, forcing me to look at her. "Bella, did you...did you two...do the deed?"

"No, no. God no." I reassured her and removed her hands from my face. "Though it wasn't from lack of trying on my part. I basically offered my body up to him on a silver platter, but he put a stop to it."

"Wow," Alice mouthed with her eyes wide and mouth hanging open a little. "That is quite...shocking."

"Yeah, tell me about it." I agreed chuckling. Edward was always full of surprises but even this one shocked me. "He said our relationship was not about sex and that it just couldn't happen under these circumstances."

Alice shook her head back and forth in amazement. "He really has changed. I bet he didn't take the news of your leaving very well."

"No." I told her feeling my chest tighten again at the thought of leaving him. "He didn't handle the news very well. Please promise me you will be there for him. Don't let him get lost in one of his brooding moods and forget there are people all around him that care about him."

"Bella, you know I will be there for him, but I am more concerned about you. Who is going to be there for you?"

This was so Alice, always looking out for me. "I will have Maria, and Angela. I know it will be hard for a while, but I am really hoping it will bring my father and I closer and we will finally be able to have the bond I have always wanted. In my perfect world it will be a quick process and I will be back before any of you even have time to miss me."

"But Bella…sweetie, it's not a perfect world. What if things don't work out the way you are hoping and you are not able to restore a relationship with your father? What then? Will you just stay away forever?"

Little did Alice know this was one of my biggest fears. "I honestly don't know. I haven't had time to come up with a plan B yet. Right now this is all I have so it has to work." I told her honestly.

"Alice I really do have to get going. I just couldn't leave without telling you goodbye and thank you for all that you have done for me. You took me under your wing and taught me things I am still not so sure I want to know about." Alice giggled, I'm sure thinking about our porno adventure as she wiped some tears from her eyes. "Alice you showed me what true friendship was all about, and for that I am so grateful."

Alice pulled me into another hug, this time I could feel her tears hitting my shoulder. "Bella. I love you like a sister and I am going to miss you like crazy. Promise me you will keep in touch. I don't care if it's through phone, e-mail, or smoke signal; please just stay in touch with me. Life just won't be the same without you."

"I promise to keep in touch. It may take me some time once I get there to get settled but I promise I will keep in touch with you. I have one more favor to ask you."

Alice pulled back and looked at me with puffy eyes and a very serious expression. "Anything, what do you need?"

"Please promise me you will look out for Jasper. This will be the first time we have ever been separated and he is taking it pretty hard. I am sure he will explain everything to you, but he is blaming himself for a lot of what happened. None of it is his fault but he just won't listen to me. I am hoping you can help him through this."

"Yes of course I will be there for him, as long as he will let me in. He sees himself as your protector so I am sure he feels like he has let you down. He doesn't always understand that you are your own person and can make decisions for yourself."

I gave Alice one last hug before crawling out of her bed and making my way toward her door. I told her Maria was waiting downstairs for me and she decided to walk me down so she could see her for a few minutes.

We walked quietly down the stairs and towards the kitchen where I could see light filtering through the door. The closer we got I could hear low voices coming from the kitchen letting me know that Maria was not alone.

Once we made it into the kitchen I saw that Esme was the one keeping Maria company. The ladies were sitting at the kitchen island drinking coffee and chatting like they were the best of friends.

Once Esme spotted me she placed her coffee cup down and slowly made her way to where I had stopped in the middle of the kitchen.

She smoothed my hair back and took my face in both of her hands. "Bella, we are going to miss you around here." I could tell by the strain in her voice that she had been crying. "Just so you know, I think of you as part of this family, and I love you like one of my own daughters. You have been such a blessing to me and my family and you will always be welcome here any time you want to come visit."

"I am going to miss you too." I told her sniffling, trying hard not to cry again. "You have no idea how much that means to me. I will always cherish the time we had together."

She pulled me into a hug lightly swaying me back and forth while rubbing my back. The action was very motherly and it just reminded me of what else I had been missing out in my life.

Once Esme released me I turned my attention to Maria who was smiling sadly at me. "I'm sorry I took so long, I didn't mean to keep you waiting. I just lost track of time and..." I tried to explain but Maria cut me off before I could continue.

"Bella, it's fine. I told you to take as long as you needed. Besides, I have been enjoying Esme's company." She said then looked down at her watch. "But if you are ready we really should get going. We need to run by the hotel and get our bags, check out and get to the airport so we don't miss our flight."

"Yes, I am ready." I told her, feeling my tears threatening to fall.

We all walked to the living room where Esme turned on the light for us so we could gather our coats and purses. Just as we were all exchanging our last farewell group hug I heard loud commotion coming from upstairs followed by several doors being slammed.

We all released each other and looked toward the stairs trying to figure out what was going on. Esme walked to the foot of the stairs and just as she was about to step on the first one Edward came flying down the steps.

Esme took a step back so she didn't get knocked down and Edward grabbed onto the banister stopping himself.

Edward gave his mother a confused look for a few second before he finally spoke. "Mom? What in the world are you doing up?" Just as Esme opened her mouth to respond he cut her off. "Never mind, do you know where Bella is? I have to find her."

Esme turned her head in my direction and as soon as our eyes locked I could tell she was very confused.

Edward followed her movement and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I allowed myself to meet his eyes. As soon as our eyes met I could tell he was angry.

Time seemed to tick by as we stood there starring at each other. Nobody moved, nobody said a word. They all just watched us to see what was going to happen next.

Finally he held up his hand showing me the crumpled note I had left him followed by his other hand which held my ring. "Bella, what the hell is this? Were you just going to leave without so much as a goodbye?"

"Edward." I said, moving a few steps closer to him. " I told you I had to leave, you fell asleep and it just...seemed easier this way. I just couldn't...I can't bring myself to officially say goodbye to you. It makes this all too real."

"Then don't do this Bella. Stay. Stay here with me."

I could feel my tears falling freely now. "You know that I can't."

He closed the distance between us, wrapping his arms around me so tight I felt like I couldn't breath. But I didn't care. It would be the sweetest death possible to be suffocated by Edward and his love.

He eventually loosened his hold on me and buried his face in my neck as he cried loudly. "Bella, I love you so fucking much. Please don't do this. You are killing me."

There was no holding back my sobs now. He had broken the last wall I had up. I hurt him, I was still hurting him and all I wanted to do was love him.

Esme came to us and placed a hand on each of our backs as she talked softly to us. "I know this is hard. I can't even begin to imagine what each of you are going through, but it has to be done. Edward, you have to understand that Bella has to at least try this to work on her relationship with her father. You may not agree with the method, but Bella feels like this is the best way and you need to give her that chance."

"I can't." Edward sobbed, not releasing his hold on me. "I can't lose you. I love you too much."

I was quickly loosing my mind. I am not sure how much more of this I could really take. It would be so easy to just say okay and stay here with him, live in sin, wash my hands of my father and any possible relationship we may be capable of having. That would be the easy way, but I knew I would hate myself in the end if I didn't at least try. I had to try.

"Edward I have to go. I love you, but I have to go. I have to do this for me. I know it's hard and I know it hurts but I have to at least try." I pleaded with him, praying he would understand where I was coming from.

He finally released me and took a step back. He took a moment to get his breathing under control and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Fine. If you feel like this is something you have to do I will try to understand it. I don't like it, but I will try to understand it. "

"Thank you." I told him, placing my hand over his heart. "I love you forever and always."

"Me too." He said before placing his lips softly on mine. It reminded me of the feather light kisses we shared in the meadow so long ago, the first time I had asked him to kiss me.

When he pulled back he placed the note and the ring in my hand. "Please keep this and wear it. We will be together again. I promise."

"Okay." I told him as I slipped the ring on my finger.

Walking out that door while Edward, Alice, and Esme stood by and watched was the hardest thing ever. I was a wreck the entire ride to the hotel and then to the airport.

When we arrived at the airport Jasper was waiting on us. I knew telling him goodbye would be just as hard as it had been to tell Edward. We hugged and cried until they called us to our flight. Jasper apologized repetitively and I kept telling him it wasn't his fault.

I didn't speak for the entire flight to Florida. I didn't even cry. I had nothing left to say and I had no more tears to shed. All I felt was numb. Broken, alone, and numb.

I starred out of the window into the vast open sky reminiscing on what my life had been over the last year. I thought back on all the things I had accomplished in my quest to become a normal teen. The problem was, with the change was supposed to come happiness and fulfillment. But at this moment I didn't feel either of those things.

I was having a hard time remembering the old Bella. She had morals and limitations, she would have never found herself in this predicament. Sure I had experienced life to some degree. I had drank alcohol, attended parties, made friends, and found love but at what cost? I don't even know who I am anymore.

I decided I couldn't continue to do this to myself. The only solution I saw to this was to just cut all ties. I knew it would be hard but how could I put myself out there for other people when I wasn't even sure who I was myself?

My first week in Florida was horrible. I had made myself sick with all the crying. My entire body ached and my head hurt. I didn't talk to anybody or even bother unpacking my things. I just stayed in bed and felt sorry for myself. Thankfully everyone seemed to understand this is what I needed so they let me be, only stopping in to drop off food and to see if I needed anything.

About half way into my second week I couldn't take it any longer, so I gave in and called Jasper just to see how he was doing. He told me he missed me terribly and wished I would just come home. He knew I couldn't but it never hurt to wish I suppose. I asked him to tell Alice hello for me. He said he would, but told me I should call her myself because she had been asking daily about how I was adjusting. I told him I would call her, but I knew I wouldn't. I asked about my father, Jasper said he hadn't even acknowledged my absence and refused to talk about what had happened. I wondered who had been doing all of the cooking and cleaning but decided against asking. Finally I asked about Edward. Jasper seemed surprised that I hadn't talked to him yet, and told me that he hadn't seen or heard from Edward since I left.

After about a month I started to not feel quite so numb. I finished my classes online and took my exams. Luckily the school had been willing to work with me since it was so close to the end of the year. Maria insisted I go to counseling, saying it never hurt to talk to a professional. I was against the idea at first but went just to appease her. I have to admit after just my first session I felt much better. I continued weekly therapy sessions with Dr Elizabeth and she was helping me to realize that I cannot be held accountable for other peoples actions and reactions especially concerning my father. She told me to look in the mirror daily and tell myself that I am only responsible for me. I cannot change anybody and nobody can change me but me.

I talked to Jasper again and he told me all about prom, who had gone with whom, and what everyone had worn. He told me about the cheesy music and how Jake spiked the punch. I asked about Edward and he didn't say much, just that he didn't go to prom.

After a month and a half, Angela insisted I enjoy the Florida summer. We made several trips to the beach spending lazy afternoons laying out by the ocean. It was strange to see my pale skin transform into a light beige color and my dark hair lighten to a golden brown from the suns rays. I found myself becoming more comfortable in shorts and tanks tops, something I would have never worn around my father, but here there really wasn't any other choice. It was so darn hot and humid all the time! Aaron had accompanied us a few times to the beach saying he was prowling for girls, but he never went searching for girls, just stayed by us on a beach blanket. At first I had felt strange in Aaron's presence but over time I got over it and we began gaining back the friendship we once had. I even got a part time job at Pizza Palace which I thoroughly enjoyed. It felt good having my own money and knowing that I had worked for it myself. I didn't really spend it on anything, just tucked it back for a rainy day. I thought of Edward daily but couldn't bring myself to call him. It was still too hard.

Finally after three months I was starting to feel like myself again. I had made a few friends and was really enjoying my job. Of course my heart still ached for Edward but I was at least finding myself smiling some.

I talked to Jasper at least once a week, usually after my counseling session when I was feeling confident, and he kept me updated on how everyone was doing. I even got to talk to Alice a few times when she had been with him when I called. I always asked about my Edward but they wouldn't tell me much, just that he was okay and I should call him sometime.

My father had not called once since I had moved and I often wondered if I had made the right choice. Jasper said he never talked about me or my leaving and when people from church asked about my absence he just said that I had moved on.

One night after work, Maria came to my room. I could tell by the look on her face that she had something important to tell me.

"Honey, we need to talk about something…" she said, the uncertainty in her voice making me wary of what she was about to tell me.

"What?" I asked cautiously. Had Charlie called for me? Had something happened to Jasper or Edward?

"School will be starting in a few weeks, and we need to figure out what you are going to do about the next school semester. I need to know if you are staying here with us for another year. You are welcome to, of course. I just need to know so we can get you enrolled and set up. So.. are you going to stay with us for another year?"

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**Just a dream by One Of Eddies Girls**

**Under the Boardwalk by Robicorn**

**The Emotional Education of Edward Cullen by picklewinkle**


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the twilight characters.**

**My beta was tied up and unable to get to this so please forgive any mistakes:) **

**However my twi-girlfriend One Of Eddies Girls did pre-read this and go over it with a fine tooth comb, and for that I am so grateful! If you are not reading her story Just a Dream then you are really missing out! I suggest you go do it...Now! :)**

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Chapter 31

_**Now don't you wonder what the preacher's gonna preach about sunday morn' Nothing quite like this has happened here before  
Well he must have been a looker, a smooth talkin' son of a gun  
For such a grounded girl to just up and run  
Course you can't fence time, and you can't stop love **_

_**Now all the biddies in the beauty shop gossip goin' on stop Sippin on pink lemonade  
How could 17 years just up'n and walk away?  
Our little pony-tail girl growed up to be a woman  
Now she's gone in the blink of an eye  
She left the suds in the bucket and the clothes hangin' out on the line **_

EPOV

My heart literally hurt. I felt like it was being ripped out and leaving with Bella in that car. There just were no words to describe the pain that I felt. Blackness, total and complete blackness surrounded me. The breath left my body as the car pulled away and I found myself on the floor gasping for air. I couldn't go on without her, and I didn't want to even try.

My mother tried hard to sooth me but there was just nothing she could do or say that would make this any better unless, she could somehow stop Bella from getting on that plane. And that obviously wasn't going to happen.

Once I had gained enough control to quiet my sobs and pick myself up off the floor I went to my room, crawled in my bed and just waited. I waited for the pain to subside and I waited for her to call, I just waited for my world to stop crashing down around me.

None of those things happened, and there was nothing I could do, but wait some more.

I waited up the rest of the night for her to call. I assumed surely she would call once she landed. But she didn't.

I figured she was probably tired and went to sleep as soon as she got to Maria's so I waited patiently all day clutching my cell phone thinking she would call once she had gotten some sleep. She didn't.

I refused to go to school until I was able to talk to her. Monday passed no call. Tuesday came and went no call. By Wednesday I was a fucking wreck. I tried to rationalize her not calling and the only thing I could come up with was that Maria had found out the whole story of why Bella had been kicked out and had grounded her.

I had lost count of the hours, of the days, none of it fucking mattered anyway. I didn't leave my room except to use the bathroom, and even then I took my phone with me. No one bothered me much, they all knew better. My mom would occasionally bring me some food because I refused to attend dinner with the family. Alice brought me some school work one day so I could try to catch up. She sat it on my bed, I pushed it to the floor and let it stay there not giving a fuck if I failed or not. My father stopped by daily offering his condolences but I didn't fucking care.

After what I had guessed was five or six days I begged my mother for Maria's number. She refused saying I needed to give Bella the time she needed. She reminded me this was just as hard on Bella and she probably just needed some space to figure things out.

I was pissed at Charlie, I was pissed at myself, I was pissed at Bella and now I was pissed at my mother.

Sometime the following week Emmett and Jacob decided I had wallowed long enough, and they were just the ones to pick me up. I was lying in my bed starring at the nothingness that surrounded me when they burst through my door.

I barely turned my head to see who was intruding, because truth be told I didn't really care. There was only one person I ever wanted to see walk through my door and she wouldn't even call me...

"Dude." Emmett said immediately covering his nose. "What the hell man? It smells like a five day old unwashed stripper in here."

I ignored his comment because really I just didn't care.

Jacob grabbed my computer chair and pushed the clothes off of it onto the floor before sitting down uninvited.

Emmett just stood at the end of the bed rocking back and forth on his heels looking uncomfortable.

"So..." Jacob drawled. "What's been going on man?"

I didn't respond. Surely by now they all knew what had gone down, even if it was an abridged version, they knew the jest of it and that was that Bella was gone.

We all sat in silence for a while; I hoped they would get the point and just fucking leave. Of course I wasn't that lucky. "I ….uh love what you have done with the place." Emmett said looking around at my strewn clothes and dirty dishes everywhere.

"What the fuck do you want?" I hated to be so harsh with them; it wasn't them I was mad at. I just couldn't seem to make myself care who I hurt at the moment.

"Listen jerk face, we are here because we are worried about you." Emmett said moving to stand beside the bed. "I heard about what happened, and I am sorry, we all are. It sucks that Bella had to leave. We all cared about her but this..." He said waving his hands around. "This isn't you. I can't even pretend to understand what you are going through, but I am sure that laying here wallowing in your own filth for almost two weeks isn't healthy."

"What the fuck do you expect me to do then?" I yelled back as I sat up on the edge of my bed. "I loved her, I Edward Cullen fucking fell in love and she broke my heart. That shit doesn't just go away, and I am sorry if I can't just jump back in bed and fuck some bimbo to make you all happy."

"Woe dude." Emmett said holding his hands up and backing up a few feet. "No one is telling you to go fuck anyone, we are just saying get your ass out of bed, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and get back to living your life."

"Speak for yourself. " Jacob piped in from his chair. "I personally think you should go fuck someone else, Lord knows it's been a long time and it might just help if you find some bimbo to help fuck her out of your system."

"You don't have any idea what the hell you are talking about." I spat. I didn't expect them to understand- how could they. "Just fucking leave... I am not in the mood for this bullshit today." I said lying back down in my bed, dismissing them.

My mom and dad came in that night telling me again how sorry they were and that they had been understanding but enough was enough, and I absolutely could not stay out of school anymore. My dad used his authoritative tone telling me it was mandatory for me to attend classes the next day.

I didn't. Nor the day after that.

Finally seeing that they were not going to win this battle my mother came up with a compromise. She would give me Maria's number if I would go back to school and start having dinner with the family again.

I of course jumped at the chance and agreed holding out my hand for the number. My mother being the talented negotiator that she is told me she would give me the number when I returned home from school the following afternoon.

It pissed me off, I cursed and complained but I did manage to get my ass to school the next day. It did nothing but piss me off further. Everyone was just acting...normal, like nothing had changed, like Bella had never even existed. I am not sure what I expected maybe a line of picketers in front of the school refusing to attend until Bella returned. Maybe a grievance counselor going around from class to class to help us cope. At the very least someone mentioning how empty the school felt without her. But none of that happened.

I managed to make it through my day, only skipping biology, there was no way in hell I was sitting at our lab table alone. I didn't talk to anyone and didn't go to the cafeteria for lunch. I just sat in my car in the parking lot alone waiting for school to end so I could get her number.

As soon as I made it home I went straight to find my mother. She was waiting for me and already had the paper with the number written on it waiting for me. I grumbled a thank you and went straight up the stairs to my room. It was obvious that my mom had cleaned it while I was gone. I should have been thankful but all I could feel was rage that the sheets Bella had last laid on here were no longer on my bed.

I decided to deal with that later and pulled out my cell phone to dial the number. I was so nervous I messed the number up three times before I finally got it right.

It rang several times before going to a voice mail. My heart sank. I hung up, watched the clock and dialed the number back five minutes later only to get the same response.

I had lost all track of time until my mother came to inform me it was time for dinner. I tried to protest telling her I had not been able to reach Bella yet, but she reminded me of our deal and she wasn't backing down.

I finally relented and went downstairs for dinner. I didn't actually eat I just pushed the food around on my plate and waited for everyone to get done so I could excuse myself. They all tried to incorporate me into the conversation but I just couldn't put forth the effort to actually carry on a conversation. The paper in my pocket with Bells number was taunting me and I just wanted, no needed to talk to her. Hear her voice; hear her say that she still loved me.

Dinner took an excruciatingly long time and when it was finally over I flew back up to my room to make my phone call.

This time there was an answer. It took me a moment to find my voice I was so surprised to hear Maria on the other end.

"Hello...Is anyone there?" Maria said sounding annoyed at being disturbed.

"Uh yes, sorry. Hey this is Edward is Bella home? Can I speak to her?" I was suddenly very nervous to speak to her.

Maria hesitated for a moment. "Edward, sweetie, how are you?" I could tell by the sound of her voice that I had caught her off guard.

"I'm shit... I don't know, but I'm sure I will be better once I talk to Bella." I told her honestly.

Maria let out a loud sigh."Edward, I just don't think that is a good idea right now."

Was this bitch for real? Did she have any idea what I had been through? I was so fucking close and she wouldn't even let me talk to her. "Please, you have no idea how bad I need t talk to her, I just need to know that she is alright." I pleaded.

"I just, I can't right now. I have to do what is best for Bella, and right now, talking to you is not in her best interest. I will let her know that you called, and when she is ready I am sure she will call you back."

Maria didn't give me a chance to further plead my case; she just disconnected the call like it was no big thing. As if she had not just caused my world to crumble at my feet a little more.

Of course I called right back. I was to close; it had taken too long for me to get her number for my attempts to just be shot down like that. There was no answer, just straight to voice mail. I tried back several times getting the same result until finally the phone wouldn't even ring anymore. All I got was a busy signal. I attempted the entire night never getting through.

I tried throughout the entire weekend, but never got an answer. It was always either voice mail or a busy signal. The messages I left ranged from begging and pleading for them to let me talk to her to lashing out in anger at how they were keeping her from me. Obviously nothing worked because I never received a call back from her.

I refused to go to church on Sunday; no one seemed surprised and didn't push the issue at all. I am sure they knew I would not have been able to keep my temper in check once I was around Charlie.

I went back to school on Monday and continued attending family dinners. I held up my end of the deal, but felt like I was walking around in a daze, doing just enough to function.

I did eventually join my friends at our lunch table again, and I would answer a question when directly asked but I had no interest in actually starting or participating in conversation.

Prom was the big discussion for a while. I tried to tune everyone out when they were discussing that topic. I didn't want to talk about it, and I certainly didn't want to hear about it.

No matter how hard I tried they always seemed to rope me into the prom discussion. It was Jacob who brought it up first. "So, E... what lucky lady will be hanging on your arm Friday night?"

"I'm not fucking going." I said between clenched teeth. Dumbass should have known there was no way in hell I would be going to prom.

"Edward, come on, I get it you don't want to take another girl, but you could go stag and still come hang with us." Emmett protested.

"As much fun as that sounds. I pass." I said before grabbing my remainder lunch and leaving the table.

That of course didn't end our prom discussion. I was asked by every member of our group at least three times to come or at least attend the after party. I declined every time. I was even asked by quite a few girls to be their date. Yeah like that was gonna fucking happen.

Prom night came and everyone dressed in their fancy clothes and gathered at our house for pictures before the limo picked them up. Yeah it pissed me off that I was missing out on milestone in my life, but I just couldn't do it, I would not go without Bella.

I tried to call her again that night and this time it was Aaron who answered. As soon as I said who I was he hung up on me - fucking prick. This only added fuel to the fire and the longer I sat stewing in my room while everyone was out enjoying prom the angrier I got.

I decided enough was enough and I was taking matters in my own hands. Without really thinking it through I grabbed my keys and headed downstairs. My dad was sitting on the couch watching TV when I made it to the living room.

"Where are you headed son?" He asked sounding surprised that I was actually going out.

I gave him a mumbled reply. "I have something I need to take care of," before heading out the door. I didn't want to tell him my plans because I knew he would just try to talk me out of it. He would have a million reasons why I shouldn't go talk to Reverend Swan, but I didn't want to hear them. This needed to be done. I should have done it a long time ago.

It didn't take me long to get to his house which was probably a good thing. The longer I thought about the situation, the more pissed off I became.

I quickly made my way to the door and knocked on it hard enough to be sure it would be heard. After a few minutes the door was opened and the Rev stood there not offering to let me in.

His expression quickly changed from shock to rage. "What do you think you are doing here? This is private property and you are not welcome."

"I think it's pretty obvious what I am doing here. I get that you don't like me, and that I am not welcome and that is okay. But what is not okay is that your own fucking daughter is not welcome here in her own house."

Charlie took a step out of the door causing me to take a step back. "You will not come to my house and talk to me like that. You are a disgrace and you have ruined my daughter. She will never be pure in the eyes of the Lord again and for that I cannot forgive her or you."

There was no way I was backing down from him. "You are the disgrace... a disgrace of a father. You are supposed to love unconditionally, just like the Lord loves us unconditionally. You haven't been a father to her for years; you have been a dictator filling her head with lies. There is no Godly spirit in this house; it's more of a cult." I yelled back at him.

"You!" He said pointing his finger in my face. "You are just a demon in sheep's clothing; you have defiled my daughter, led her into a life of deceit, and made her unworthy of any righteous man."

I couldn't understand how any man could just write his own daughter off like that, there was no way I was going to stand here and let him degrade Bella that way. I didn't know the Bible the way he did so I couldn't fight him with my words. I used what I knew best.

I punched him. I balled up my fist, put as much power behind it as I could and launched forward. He never saw it coming and as soon as I made contact he bowed forward clutching his face. Yes I physically stuck a pastor, I am quite sure there is a Bible verse somewhere stating that as an unforgivable sin, but it just felt too good to worry about that now.

I turned walked to my car, got in and drove home. I was still heartbroken but I felt a hell of a lot better.

When I returned home and walked in through the door my father was still on the couch watching TV.

I stopped just before heading back up the stairs and decided to go ahead and tell him before he got a phone call. "Dad I...uh...I just punched Pastor Swan."

His eyes grew big and his mouth fell open a little. "Son you know that I don't condone physical violence." He scolded, but his smile gave him away.

"Yes sir, I do know that."

He chuckled softly before replying." Congratulations son. I will gladly pay the bail if he presses charges."

I couldn't hold back my smile. "Thanks dad."

Word spread fast that I had kicked the Rev's ass. I got a lot of high fives and pats on the back and I did feel a bit better. Jasper even told me I gained a few more points in his book that following Monday morning when I saw him at school. I asked about Bella and he didn't seem to want to talk about her. He just said she seemed to be doing alright and he changed the subject.

Slowly life started getting back to normal though there was always that void that Bella had seemed to fill when she had been around.

She didn't call and she didn't e-mail me and it hurt. I found myself constantly questioning our relationship. Had we broken up and I was just too stupid to see it or was she still just taking some time to get her shit straight.

As the months passed I was losing all hope of ever reuniting with my love. She was always on my mind but I found with the more time that passed the more I could learn to function without her.

It was around three months after she had left that my mind was made up for me. I was just coming in from playing ball with the guys and was headed to the kitchen to get a bottle of water when I heard her name.

I immediately stopped in my tracks to eavesdrop. No one ever mentioned her, at least not around me and anytime I asked about her everyone acted strange so I had just assumed she had not been speaking with anyone since she left.

"Yes, Bella is doing great." I heard Alice telling someone. "I have actually gotten to talk to her a few times. She calls Jasper once a week and if I am around when she calls then I get to talk to her. She told me all about her job, and how much she is enjoying the beach." Alice started giggling. "She told me she had set up a facebook page and asked me if I could friend her because she couldn't figure out how to do it."

I couldn't listen any longer. No fucking way Bella had just moved on that fast. She had a job? Went to the beach? She was on fucking facebook? If that was the case then it was obvious that she had plenty of ways of being able to communicate with me ….but she chose not to.

I went from heartbroken to fucking pissed off. How dare she play with me like that. I knew what I had to do, and there was no holding back now.

I went upstairs to calm down before I even attempted to talk to anyone. I took a shower while I mulled this new information over in my head. I still just could not believe the king player had been played. I couldn't believe that Bella had done this to me.

It was obvious that she had gotten to Florida and forgotten all about me. She probably laughed at every voice mail I had left thinking what a pussy I was. She had probably fucked Aaron six ways to Sunday by now and joked about how I had not been man enough to give it to her.

I got out of the shower and called Jacob asking where the party was at tonight. He seemed way to excited to have his wing man back as he gave me the details.

I met them at the party that night and it felt so easy to fall back into my normal routine. We drank, we laughed, we shot pool, and I danced with every girl that gave me the chance. It didn't take Jake long to close the deal with some new girl. I had to laugh when he gave me the thumbs up as he was escorting her up the stairs.

I didn't fuck anybody that night, though the thought did cross my mind. It would be nice to have a warm body to hold for at least a little while, but I just wasn't ready for that yet. I enjoyed the time with my friends and made plans for the next weekend's party.

The weeks passed, the parties continued each time getting a little heavier. The drinking turned into getting completely wasted and then smoking pot. The girls went from just dancing to full on grinding then to feeling up.

That is how I found myself in the situation I am in now. School had just started and Tyler was hosting his annual back to school party. He had told me I needed to live this one up because it was our last year and there would never be another party like this one. That is how he convinced me to take Ecstasy. Well that and I was so drunk I couldn't come up with a good argument not to.

I didn't really feel anything for a while so I just kept drinking and grinding on a new girl Sara that had been giving me a lot of attention all night.

It all happened suddenly. I had taken a break from the dancing and was just chilling back on the couch watching the crowd. Then things got weird. Jessica came and sat on my lap straddling me, she was talking but I couldn't hear what she was saying. All I could do was focus on what I was feeling.

The lights, the smoke, the music, all the fucking people, it was just too much, and I was on overload. My heart told me to leave, get as far away from here as possible nothing good would come from this. But my mind, okay mostly my dick, was strongly disagreeing. This is what I knew; this is what life was supposed to be about. The alcohol, the drugs, the girls, my body understood this. Listening to my heart didn't get me anywhere so I think it is about high fucking time I started thinking with my dick again.

She ran her hands through my hair and nuzzled my neck kissing me slowly and it felt fucking amazing. My dick was hard, ready, and willing and Jess could obviously tell.

She climbed off my lap reached for my hand and pulled me up slowly leading me toward the stairs. I didn't even have to think about it, I knew the way - up the stairs second door on the left. The room would be painted blue with super model posters lining the walls. The bed was a double and the springs squeaked when you bounced too much.

She obviously knew the way too because she led me straight to it no words needing to be said. She went straight to the bed and pushed me down on it crawling on top of me. She kissed down my neck unbuttoning my shirt and moving to my chest. There was no hesitation, I didn't have to stop her and ask if she was sure she was alright with this. It was second nature for us. We knew what we wanted and we knew afterwards there would be no strings attached.

I wondered why she had avoided kissing me and then remembered my rule. She was following my rules without having to be told. The problem was I wanted to feel her lips. I wanted to feel the passion. I tugged on her hair pulling her flush against my body. I am sure if I had been able to focus my eyes I would have seen her surprised reaction but as it was I couldn't focus, all I could do was feel and my body felt fucking alive.

I attached my lips to hers and didn't hold anything back. There were teeth and tongues, biting and sucking, moaning and sighing. But there was no passion, no feelings what so ever. She left my lips kissing down my body until she reached the bulged in my jeans. She kissed the material covering my dick before running her hand up and down it.

"Mmm...I have missed you Eddie. I can't wait to suck your dick; I am going to make you feel so good." She crooned.

I couldn't hold back my laugh as Bella's words rang in my ear. She had told Jessica that she would never have the chance to suck my dick again. How wrong she had been.

Jess started unbuttoning my jeans and I was excited. But no matter how badly my body wanted this I couldn't get Bella out of my head. She pulled my cock out and stroked it a few times and fucking hell it felt good. It felt good but it felt wrong. Her hands were all wrong. The texture, the way she held me, the confidence she had. It was wrong. It wasn't Bella. Before Jessica was able to make actual contact with her mouth to my throbbing dick I pushed her off of me. I quickly stood putting my dick back in my pants and buttoning them up getting out of the room as fast as I could. I heard her calling my name and I knew what I had done had been shitty, but I just couldn't go through with it.

My mind was to foggy and confused to figure out how to get home so I wondered around the party aimlessly until I found a secluded quiet place that I could just be for a while. My body felt rigid. My muscles tight like I had just run a marathon, my head was spinning, and my skin tingled. I have no idea where I was but it was warm and quiet so I laid down trying to get my body to relax.

Several hours later I awoke to bright sunlight beating down on my face. I blinked rapidly trying to remember where I was and how I had gotten here. My head hurt and my body felt like it had been ran over by a mac truck.

I looked around and was immediately confused. I had somehow ended up falling asleep outside in a dog house - A fucking dog house. I crawled out and looked around to see if anyone else was around to witness this. Luckily I didn't see anybody.

I walked around to the front of the house and found my car, crawling inside and going straight home. I went in took a shower and went straight to my bed.

I stayed in my bed all day Saturday and Sunday needing to get caught up on my sleep and let my body recuperate.

Once my mind had cleared I was so disappointed in myself. What had I become? That was me once upon a time, but that wasn't me anymore. I didn't want to go back to that; I didn't want to go back to being the person I was. I want to be the person Bella helped me to become. She saw something in me that no one else did, and she believed in me. I wanted to be that person for her again.

In order to be the person that she knew I could be I needed her. I needed her to help me reach my potential. To be there for me when I screwed up, and help guide me back on the right path. The point was I fucking need her. I suddenly felt like I hadn't fought hard enough for her.

I spent the next few days doing research on line, getting my bank accounts situated and making a hell of a play list on my iPod. I cleaned my room Thursday night I packed some essentials in a backpack; clothes, phone charger, snacks, my GPS, birth certificate and my social security card.

Friday morning I ate breakfast with my family kissing my mom telling her how much I loved her and appreciated her before I left. She told me to have a good day at school; I assured her it would be a great day. I jumped on my motorcycle and followed Alice to school stopping her in the parking lot to fill her in on my plan and making her swear not to say a word.

She agreed and wished me luck. I hopped back on my bike and headed towards Florida. I was going to get my love; I was going to show her just how hard I was willing to fight for her.

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	32. Chapter 32

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the characters.

A/N:

First of all I am soooooo sorry this update took so long...I dropped and broke my laptop and without a computer for a while...I did finally get a new one, then i had to figure out how to use it haha.

Okay so a lot of you have been pretty hard on Bella. You have asked How could she leave Edward, why hasn't she called him, how could she be so selfish...well I hope this chapter can explain a lot of those things for you. But just in case you are still confused, here is my opinion. Bella has been through a lot, she is hurt and broken and needs time to fix herself. We all know how naive Bella can be and she honestly believed Charlie would see the error of his ways, call her to come back and they would be one big happy family. When this obviously didn't happen, she didn't have a plan B and just didn't know what to do next. In her mind how can she be half of a relationship when she isn't even a whole person?

**BIG thanks to One Of Eddies Girls for pre-reading this and spending so much time with me to try and get the emotions right for this chap. She is so great I don't know what I would do without her :) I heart you girlfriend! **

**Also BIG thanks to my beta Sara. You wouldn't believe the lengths she is willing to go to for this story...she agreed to get vagazzled if I would get these two back together...now that's what I call dedication haha. Seriously her and her alter ego keep me motivated for this story and then fix all my mistakes when i do finally get it written.**

**Thank you to all my readers and reviewers, you make writing this story so worth it. I appreciate and cherish each and every single one of you!**

**BPOV**

_**Fire by Babyface**_

_**Romeo and Juliet…**_

_**Samson and Delilah…**_

_**Baby you can bet…**_

_**A love they couldn't deny…**_

_**My words say split …**_

_**But my words they lie…**_

_**Cause when we kiss…**_

_**Oooooh…**_

_**Baby it's Fire…**_

My talk with Maria really had me thinking. I couldn't believe the months had passed by so quickly, the summer had come and gone and it was time for school to begin once again. As hard as that was for me to wrap my head around, it was even harder to think of how long it had actually been since I had last spoken to Edward. I hadn't meant for so much time to pass without talking to him, it just seemed to happen.

In the beginning I was too broken to talk to him. I knew the first time he asked me to come back I would have caved and rushed back to him, and while my heart wanted nothing more than for us to be reconnected, I knew deep down that I needed to fix myself first. I needed to heal, to become whole before I could try to be a part of something with him.

Over time I could see changes in myself and I knew that I was healing, but after so much time had passed I was scared to call him. What if he had grown tired of waiting for me, what if he had moved on? If I heard these things confirmed from his mouth would it crush me completely and set me back again?

There was no true way to know this for sure unless I called him. And I meant to – every day I would think of him and play out a conversation in my head for when I did finally get to talk to him. But everyday I thought of some excuse to prolong it for one more day. Either I had to work later and didn't want to be rushed on the phone or someone was home and I didn't want them overhearing our conversation. Everyday there was an excuse and I told myself tomorrow, I will call him tomorrow when it's more convenient.

Tomorrow never came and more time passed, making it almost too awkward to call him. What would I say to him after all this time? How would I explain to him how I had just deserted him?

Over time it was just easier to pretend that we were fine. We were still together in a sense, just star crossed lovers separated by means out of our control. We were both waiting patiently for the other and nothing could tear our love apart, not miles of distance, not months of no contact, not judgmental parents. In my perfect imaginary world we would be reunited soon and pick up where we left off like nothing had ever happened.

So when Maria brought up the subject of school and where I wanted to go it brought me back to reality, a place I didn't really like to be.

I mulled over her question for a few days. She had told me I was welcome to stay there with them, and I knew that I was. They had made me feel like I was part of their family from day one, and for that I was so grateful. I truly don't know what I would do without Maria, where I would be right now if it were not for her loving heart and open arms. The truth of the matter though, as much as I love and appreciated Maria and her family for all that they had done for me, they weren't my family. My family, the only family I had left, was back in Forks.

Finally knowing I would never be able to make this decision on my own I decided to talk to Maria. She was in the kitchen cooking early one afternoon and no one else was home so I knew this was the perfect opportunity.

I approached her cautiously, not yet sure of how I wanted to bring up the subject.

"Did you want some help with that?" I asked, pointing to the boiling pot on the stove.

"No, dear" she answered waving her hand dismissively. "I am just working on my special spaghetti sauce. It takes a while to prepare so I like to start it early."

"Oh, well it smells delicious." I told her while pulling out a chair at the breakfast nook.

"Thank you, I got the recipe from my mother. I would be happy to pass it on to you whenever you want it." She dipped the spoon in, stirring it a bit before pulling it out and blowing on it. "Here, come taste this."

I did as she asked and walked to the stove to taste her sauce. "Wow, this really is good." I told her honestly. The way the spices blended together with just the right amount of garlic had my mouth watering for another taste. "I would absolutely love for you to give me this recipe."

"I would be honored to give it to you. In fact I have a whole book of recipes that I would be more than happy to make copies of for you. Some of them were actually your mothers that I have saved throughout the years. We used to trade recipes back and forth all the time, back before you could just buy everything frozen and pre-packaged at the local grocery store." She added with a chuckle.

"You know I often wondered why there were no cookbooks at our house from my mother. I remember her cooking all the time and I had searched the cupboards several times before the move, but never found any cookbooks, recipe cards, or even notes with ingredients scribbled down. I always found that odd." I mused.

Maria let out a loud disapproving huff. "No, I guess you probably didn't. Charlie got rid of most of your mother's things after her death."

This caught me by surprise. I didn't remember him throwing her things out but that had been a hard time for me... so I guess I wouldn't have really noticed. Still it hurt knowing he had just tossed parts of my mother out like trash.

"Why would he get rid of her things?" I asked because just the thought of him throwing away anything of my mothers pissed me off.

Maria opened her mouth to respond but then stopped when she saw the hurt on my face. "Bella sweetie, why don't we sit down and talk about this."

"Okay." I sniffled, trying to hold back my tears.

I walked to the table and sat down grabbing a napkin to pick at to give my hands something to do. Maria stirred her sauce once more then joined me taking my hands in hers.

"Bella, do you remember the time leading up to your mothers passing away?" Maria asked me softly.

"Yes, I remember she was always so happy. She cooked a lot and liked to sing. She was always making up silly songs as she worked around the house. I remember she loved working outside in her flower garden. Every few days she would make new flower arrangements to set out around the house." I thought about her for a few more minutes, smiling at her memory before I continued. "She loved everything about our church. She sang in the choir, led the WMU and taught Sunday school. She was a great mother. She always listened to everything I had to say, she read to me ever night, she would spend hours playing with my hair, doing it in all different styles and then take pictures like I was some kind of model." I couldn't help but laugh at that memory.

"Yes Bella, those qualities all describe her. She was a loving, compassionate, amazing person...but I meant the time right before she died. The months that she was sick and unable to do any of those things, do you remember anything about that time?" Maria askes causiously.

I pulled my hands back out of her grasp and began picking at my napkin again. "I, um, try not to think about that. She was really sick – most days she couldn't even get out of bed." The tears were falling freely down my face now. "I would go straight to her room after school each day and just sit and talk to her. Sometimes she could talk with me and some days she was just simply too weak. My father kept telling me she was getting better, but I never saw it. Each day she looked more frail and weak than the day before. "

I closed my eyes and took a breath before I said my next statement. I had never confirmed this to anyone before and it was hard to say.

"I told my father once, just a few days before she died that I didn't think she was getting better. I thought the doctors were lying to us and just wanted us to believe she was going to be alright. He...he told me it wasn't up to the doctors, It was up to God and that I just had to keep praying and believe. The grain of a mustard seed he said, just have the faith of a grain of a mustard seed."

I paused and the silence was eerie. I didn't have to continue, we both knew what happened, but I did anyway.

"She died just a few days later. Jasper and I came home and I ran straight back to her room, just like I did everyday. Only this time she wasn't there. My father was sitting on the edge of her bed crying. He didn't have to tell me what happened – I already knew by the tears in his eyes." I had to stop for a moment as all the pain and despair of that day rushed back to me. "Do you know what the first thing he said to me was?"

"No." Maria said wiping her own tears away. "What did he say to you sweetie?"

"He looked at me with fire in his eyes. His sadness immediately turned to hate. He said it was my fault, I didn't have the faith, and because I didn't have enough faith in our Lord and Savior, he decided to teach me a lesson by taking my mother away from all of us." I couldn't hold the sobs back any longer as the memory of my father's words played back to me.

"He blamed ME!" I yelled as I slammed my hands down on the table. "I was just twelve years old! I had just lost my mother and he said it was my fault. How much faith is a twelve year old supposed to have as she watches her mother dying more and more each day? Can you imagine how much that hurts? To know your father blames you for your own mother's death?"

"Oh baby," Maria said while pulling me into her arms." You know that's not true. Your mother was sick and there was nothing they could do. It wasn't anyone's fault; they just didn't find the cancer soon enough, and although the doctors tried to, they just couldn't save her." Maria pulled away slightly and pushed my hair back away from my face. "You know it was not your fault, right? Bella, tell me that you know that."

"I do. I know that logically it was not my fault but I also know that my father blames me and that is a lot of guilt to live with!" I yelled back at her more forcefully than I intended. "There is only so much blame you can take before a small part of you starts to believe it's true. What if I hadn't questioned him? What if I had shown just a little more faith? Would she still be here? Would I still have my mother?"

"Bella sweetie, what has he done to you?" Maria sighed, shaking her head. "That's not how it works, baby. Yes our Lord is all powerful. He can and does perform miracles all the time but the fact of the matter is that it was just your mother's time to go. I believe we all have a job here on Earth to do and once our job is done, that is when we are called home. Her job was done honey, and He needed her. She is probably up in heaven leading the choir of angles right now. She is better off now baby. She was in so much pain and misery in her last few months here. She fought as hard as she could because she didn't want to leave you or your father or Jasper." Maria was wiping my tears away as they fell steadily down my face.

"I was there in the room with her and your father when she said her final words, and do you know what they were?" Maria asked while placing her finger under my chin to make me look at her.

"I don't know. No one ever told me what her last words were." I stated, surprised that I had never been told.

"She told your father that she loved him, that she was sorry she had to leave him so soon. She wished that they could have had the chance to grow old together as they had planned. She thanked him for the life he had provided for her and for the daughter he had given her.

"She asked him to tell you how very precious you were to her and how she would always live in your heart. She told him to tell you that she apologized for falling short on her mother duties because she won't be there to help you through the tough teen years or be there to help you plan your wedding or even to give advice when you had your own children one day. But she wanted you to know that she loved you and believed in you and knew that you would do well in life if you just followed your heart. She asked Charlie to guide you down the right path but to allow you to spread your wings and take your own direction in life.

"She also asked him to continue to take care of Jasper. She knew how much he needed a stable family and she didn't want you and him to be separated. Charlie agreed to all of those things, though it seems he fell short in a few areas."

"I miss her." I simply said.

"I know you do, and that's okay because I do too." Maria agreed.

"Bella, Charlie should have never said those things to you. He was hurt and lashing out and although it doesn't make it right, he was just trying to find someone to place the blame on. I tried on many occasions to get him to go to therapy or family counseling, even talk to another preacher but of course he wouldn't agree to any of it. He is a proud man and thought that asking for help would make him weak."

"I have spent my entire life trying to make it up to him, to show him that I did have faith and that I was a good person but it has just never been enough. He will always blame me for my mother's death. I just...I wish there was something I could do to show him that I am sorry. As hard as he was on me…I still miss him. He is my father, the only parent I have left. I just don't understand why he can't love me." I explained between sobs.

"Bella, Charlie has made a lot of mistakes along the way. All parents do but it seems that he has taken it to the extreme. I am just sorry I didn't intervene sooner. I just thought things had gotten better since the move. The last time we visited you in Forks you seemed truly happy and I hoped that things were turning around for your family and you were finally rebuilding." Maria told me before getting up to stir her sauce before returning to the table.

"I was happy." I assured her. "But not because of any breakthroughs with Charlie. I was happy because of Edward, the happiest I have ever been actually. Edward loved me unconditionally. He didn't set expectations for me or want me to be a certain way. He accepted the person that I was and loved me because of that. Sure, Charlie made our relationship hard – we had to sneak around a lot and couldn't do the traditional dates and dances and things like that but honestly my issues with Charlie didn't seem to bother me so much when I had Edward around. He made everything better."

"It seems that Edward was a great addition to your life." Maria declared.

"Yes he was. He helped me discover the person I had been hiding for so many years. He made me feel special, beautiful, and loved. I feel a connection with him like I have never felt with anyone before." I told her, feeling my heart break once again for ruining what I had with Edward.

"Bella I think I need to tell you something." Maria said softly while closing her eyes.

"What is it?" I didn't think I could take much more today, this was more intense than my therapy sessions.

"Bella, when you first came here I was upset with Edward. I was surprised to learn the details of what had sent Charlie over the edge. Never in a million years would I have thought that you would have a hidden cell phone and be sending dirty texts and pictures. I guess I just decided that it was all Edwards fault and that he had corrupted you." Maria explained in a pained voice.

"He didn't corrupt me." I quickly defended. "What we did was wrong, but we both did it and I am just as much to blame as he is. I assure you he never pressured me into anything. It was all mutual."

"I see that now, but I think I may have made a mistake in the beginning..." Maria stalled and I knew what she had to say next would not be good.

"Bella, Edward called here for you numerous times, more times than I could ever keep count of. He begged and pleaded for me to let him talk to you, but I honestly thought he wasn't good for you." Maria admitted, her voice trembling more and more with each word. "I didn't want to see you destroy your life over a boy that would only bring you down so I never told you about the phone calls."

"What!" I screamed, feeling hurt and betrayed. True, I had never called him but I hadn't known that he was trying to get in touch with me. This made a huge difference.

"Bella, I am so sorry. It was wrong and I see that now. I just thought it would be better if you could move on with your life and leave him behind. But I see now that he is the one that gave you life." Maria grabbed my hands gently once again "Please forgive me, I never meant to do to you what Charlie has been doing for all these years. I thought it was in your best interest but I see now that you are quite old enough and mature enough to be making your own decisions about your life's path."

"It hurts that you didn't trust me enough to tell me and let me make my own decision on whether I wanted to talk to him or not." There were so many emotions running through me at the moment I wasn't sure which one to feel. Hurt by Maria, loved by Edward, or disgusted with myself even more for not calling him.

"I guess I do see your point somewhat." I told her honestly. "The way we behaved was reckless and it was just a matter of time before we got caught. But isn't that what being a teenager is supposed to be about? Making mistakes and learning and growing from them? How am I supposed to ever learn anything about life if I am never allowed to make mistakes?" I asked hoping she would understand where I was coming from.

"I do agree with you. Sometimes it's just hard to watch our children make those mistakes while we sit back and watch. I do consider you one of my children, Bella." Maria explained, wiping a tear from her eye. "But I see now that it was wrong. It was a decision that should have been yours to make, not one for me to make for you. I am truly sorry and I will help you in any way I can to contact him if that is what you choose to do."

"Thank you for that, and thank you for telling me now." I was hurt that Maria had kept this from me, but I was grateful that she had realized her mistake and was trying to make it right.

After talking to Maria and finding out that Edward had tried several times to contact me I was more determined than ever to make things right with him. I wasn't sure if things would ever work out between my father and I, and I had no idea how Edward and I could be together living so far apart but I was willing to try anything.

I decided that I would call Edward after my shift tonight. That would give me time to work up the courage and that way we wouldn't be rushed if we wanted to have a long conversation, and I had a feeling this would be a long one.

I had some time to kill so I decided to play on the computer for a while before getting ready. Angela had helped me set up a Facebook and although it confused the dickens out of me it was nice to be able to re-connect with some old friends. I had talked to Alice a few times online and found a few of my old friends from grade school. Well they had found me rather; I hadn't yet mastered the whole finding people thing yet.

I pulled up my Facebook and saw that none of my ten friends were online so I clicked on Alice's page to see what was written on her wall. I saw on one of her older post that Jake had commented on one of her statuses. I was nervous but clicked on his name anyway. Sure enough it brought his page right up. Maybe this internet thing wasn't so hard after all.

I read some of his posts and couldn't help but laugh. I hadn't realized how much I missed him until now. I saw that he had some new pictures posted and not really knowing how to look at his photos, I just clicked on a random one to see what would happen. After a few minutes, I managed to bring up his photo album. I clicked on the most recent one and was floored at what I saw. Most of them were of Jake at random party scenes but some, rather more than one, were of Edward at the parties. One was of him sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand, one of him dancing with some girl I didn't recognize, one of him sitting on the pool table with a girl standing between his legs, her arms wrapped around his waist, his chin resting on top of her head.

He had moved on. He had grown tired of waiting for me. Maybe he hadn't even waited at all. For all I knew he could have had a girl in his bed the night after I left.

My heart was shattered once again. I closed out of the internet, called in sick to work and spent the rest of the afternoon and night crying my sorrows away.

The next morning I looked at myself in the mirror and knew I couldn't do this to myself again. I loved him with all of my heart but it just obviously wasn't meant to be. We were too different, too many miles apart. There were just too many things stacked against us. As hard as it was, I knew I needed to move on. I had come too far to let this hold me back from life.

I called Maria on her cell to tell her I had decided to stay here for the next year to attend school in Florida. Charlie hadn't called, Edward had moved on, Jasper was doing just fine without me so there was no reason for me to go back to Forks. My new life was here and I was going to make the most of it.

I told Angela and Aaron of my decision and they were thrilled. Maria helped me get signed up for school and get all my credits switched over.

Angela insisted I needed a new look for the new me so she made an appointment for us at the salon. I was going to just get a trim but once I got there I decided I needed a drastic change. I had my long hair cut in layers just below my shoulders and had lowlights put in. I also had my first ever professional manicure and pedicure that day. I opted to just get a French manicure on my nails but Angela insisted I go bold and get hot pink on my toes with little rhinestone designs.

I have to say I was starting to feel pretty good about myself after that day. I continued my weekly therapy sessions and my therapist agreed that moving on from Edward was probably in my best interest. She said it was okay to still love him and I probably always will have a special place in my heart for him but that since he was in Forks and I associated that with my father and all the hurt in my past it was probably better to just leave it all behind and move forward.

I was slowly coming to terms with the fact that my father and I may never be able to rebuild our relationship. It hurt. I had a hard time understanding why he couldn't just love me like a father was supposed to but my therapist said it wasn't me that he hated – it was the situation and he couldn't differentiate between the two. Just like I associate Edward with Forks and my father, he associates me with my mother and her death.

She suggested that I write my father a letter telling him my side of things and how he had hurt me but that I was willing to forgive him if he was willing to work on his issues as well. She said to put everything I ever wanted to say to him in one letter and mail it – that way the ball was in his court whether he wanted to respond or not, but at least I had everything off of my chest. I told her I would think about it but I had as of yet not made any attempt to write the letter.

I continued to call Jasper weekly but things with him seemed to start becoming awkward. The conversations became strained and over time he stopped accepting my phone calls. I would always leave a message but he rarely called me back. I was a little worried but I just assumed he was busy with Alice and school starting there.

School soon started and I found it easy to make friends. I went out with groups to the movies and to ball games and it all seemed so natural. There was a back-to-school dance and I really wanted to go. I had never been to a dance so I was very nervous but I wanted to have that experience so badly. I asked Maria if I could go and she of course agreed. A few boys had asked me to go as their date but I declined them all, wanting to have this experience all to myself.

Angela had started talking to a boy named Chuck and he had asked her to go as his date. She of course agreed and just so it didn't seem awkward, Aaron suggested we go together as friends and go to dinner with Angela and Chuck before the dance.

I didn't see any harm in it so I agreed. Angela and I got new dresses for the dance and she helped me with my makeup and hair. Chuck arrived and Angela's parents took a million pictures of all of us before we left. They were going out of town for the night to celebrate their anniversary but told us that they expected us home by eleven.

Dinner was nice, the conversation flowed easily and we all seemed to have a great time. Aaron paid for my meal, teasing me by asking what kind of date he would be if I had to pay for my own food.

The dance wasn't really what I expected. There wasn't a whole lot of dancing going on, mostly just girls hanging out in the bathroom gossiping about what everyone was wearing and guys standing around the food table taking about sports.

I did manage to dance with Aaron a few times and even a couple of other guys when they asked. Overall it was something I could have lived without but at least it was something I can now say that I have done.

I found myself thinking of Edward several times throughout the night. I tried not to think about him but I couldn't help myself. I wish there had been a way for me to share this experience of my first dance with him. He would have made this memory so much more special.

The dance was soon over and several of the students were going out after. Angela decided to go with Chuck and a few others to an after party and asked if we wanted to go. Aaron looked to me for my answer but I really wasn't up to it. I was ready to get home and into my comfy clothes, so I declined.

Aaron drove us home and I thanked him for a nice evening. He thanked me for going with him and said we should do it again sometime. I found that odd but brushed it off, thinking he didn't mean anything by it.

I told him I was going to get in my pj's and he said he was going to do the same and asked if I wanted to meet him in the family room for a movie and some popcorn.

I wasn't really tired so I agreed and went to my room to get out of the uncomfortable dress and take my hair down.

By the time I made it to the family room he was already in there with a bowl of popcorn.

I plopped down on the couch beside him, grabbing a handful of popcorn. "So what are we watching?"

"I put Top Gun in. Is that okay with you?" He asked pressing play, not waiting for my answer.

"Sure." I mumbled around a mouth full of popcorn.

A few minutes into the movie I noticed Aaron was staring at me. "What? Do I have popcorn in my teeth?" I asked, feeling self conscious.

He chuckled. "No, I was just sitting here thinking about how pretty you are."

"Oh." I could feel my cheeks heating with a blush. "Well, thank you."

"Bella, I think...there is something I have been wanting to do." He said sounding nervous.

"Okay, what's that?" This was getting a little strange.

"I um… well I..." He stopped talking and just looked at me for a moment before leaning forward and placing his lips on mine. It was slow at first and I was caught completely off guard. He took his time, slowing starting to move his lips over mine. It took all of my willpower not to pull away from him.

It felt wrong. It felt like I was betraying my true love but I reminded myself that he had no problem moving on and neither should I.

With the image of Edward and those girls, I threw myself into the kiss, moving my lips with vigor against Aaron's and opening them to allow his tongue inside.

Feeling his tongue move around inside my mouth felt foreign. It wasn't necessarily a good or a bad feeling, it was just different – there weren't sparks and butterflies like I felt with Edward but there was something there…maybe desire?

Without really thinking about it I climbed on top of him, causing him to lie back on the couch. I felt his hands roaming my body and longed for the heat that would follow the touch if it were Edward.

After a few more minutes Aaron pulled away, "Bella, hold on, we need...uh we need to slow down."

"Is everything okay?" I questioned, confused as to why he wanted to stop.

"Yes...no...I um...I don't know. We just need to stop, okay?" Aaron said, sounding confused himself.

"Okay." I said moving down his body to get off of him. "Aaron, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to just jump you like that. I don't know what I was thinking."

"No, Bella. It's not you, I promise that was fantastic. I just uh... I have a problem."

Now I was really confused. "Aaron, what's wrong? You know you can talk to me."

Aaron buried his face in his hands, obviously embarrassed. Finally after a long silence he looked up at me. "Bella I am aroused, okay? There, I said it" he emphasized by waving his hand around in front of his crotch.

I couldn't contain my giggles as hard as I tried. The scowl on Aaron's face let me know he did not consider this a laughing matter.

"I am so sorry." I told him between giggles. "Really it's no uh... no big deal. Just you know... go take care of it." I told him like that was the obvious answer.

He looked at me like I had lost my mind. "What do you mean 'take care of it'?"

"You know..." I said now waving my hands at his crotch, "Go... jack off or whatever..."

"Bella! Oh my God, I cannot believe you just said that to me! How... how do you even know about that stuff, and how can you just say it so candidly like that?" Aaron screeched as shock laced his voice.

"I...well…really it's just a natural part of life. That's what I was told, by a doctor." Okay so I wasn't told that directly from a doctor but Edward was and he shared that tidbit of information with me so I thought it only right to pass it on.

"Bella that is a very personal matter and not one that should be discussed so publicly like this." Aaron scolded me like I had just outed him in front of the entire school or something.

"Okay first of all I am sorry if I offended you because that was not my intention. Secondly, we are not in public. It's just you and I alone in here, but I promise I won't bring it up again." I told him, hoping we could just drop the subject all together.

"I didn't mean to snap." He told me sounding apologetic. "I just wasn't prepared for you to be so ...forward. Did you and... him talk about that stuff?"

Now it was my turn to feel awkward. Sure I could talk to him about masturbating but the moment he brought up Edward I wanted to crawl in a hole. "I...we...well...yes I guess we did discuss that kind of stuff." I mumbled, avoiding eye contact with Aaron.

"Wow." Aaron whispered before he continued. "So did you…have you…did you and him..."

I didn't want to talk about this anymore. I was tired of the speculation and I didn't need the condemnation from Aaron. "No we didn't have sex. In fact I have never had sex so all is good in the world. Bella Swan is still pure and clean. Perhaps I should just wear a scarlet V on my shirt so everyone will know for certain that I am indeed still a virgin. No one seems to want it even when I offer it up on a silver platter!" I knew my face was red from my rant but I just didn't care. I was tired of being judged by all the men in my life.

"Bella, what are you talking about? Is that what you want? Do you want to have sex right now, with me here on my parents couch?" Aaron said patting the old burgundy couch.

"No." I told him honestly.

"Then what was all of that about? Because in my book, what we were just doing was leading down the road to sex." Aaron said exasperated.

"Aaron that was just kissing and maybe, possibly dry-humping. I am not real sure on the specifics of that, but that was not close to sex so relax." I told him, embarrassed by this entire conversation.

"Bella, I don't care what you say. The two of us alone in a house, in our pajamas, you laying on top of me kissing like that and being able to feel my... arousal is very intimate. It is something people do when they are in love and at the very least engaged. It's not something people should just do randomly because they feel like it." What he said did make sense and I suddenly felt very ashamed.

"Let me ask you something." Aaron continued. "Do you love me, Bella?"

I didn't want to hurt his feeling but I had to be honest. "Not in that way, no. I love you like a good friend, and that is the only way I will ever see us."

Aaron took a deep breath. "I respect your honesty. But if you are indeed a good friend them don't use me to fill whatever it is that you are missing with him, because I am not him and I will never be him. A true friend wouldn't play with my emotions like that."

I felt like complete crap. I couldn't believe I had done that to Aaron. "I truly am sorry. I really don't know what I was thinking. I never want to use you or hurt you. I love Edward; it has always been him and it will always be him. I guess I just wanted to forget that for a little while." I told him honestly.

"Bella I wish things were different. We could be so good together, but I won't be anyone's second choice or a fill-in affection giver." Aaron told me before standing up. "Let's just forget this ever happened and go on being good friends for each other."

"Okay." I said, standing up to give him a hug. "I really am sorry, Aaron. I never want to hurt you. You are a very important person in my life, and I never want to do anything to jeopardize that."

"I feel the same way. I know you said that it will always be him, but I honestly believe I am the better choice for you Bella. I just hope that in time you can see that too. For now I am fine with us being friends, but just know that I won't wait forever." Aaron said before walking off to his room, leaving me with the movie, popcorn, and burgundy couch.

Aaron and I didn't speak about the incident again. I think it was a pretty clear understanding that we would both just forget that it ever happened. Life went on like I guess it always will. Some days were harder than others. There were times I would spend hours looking through the photos I had of Edward and I, and there were days I would shove them under my bed and tell myself that I was going to burn them later. Like I said some days were better than others.

Therapy had been going really well. My therapist had moved me to once a month sessions. She felt I had made a breakthrough with realizing that I couldn't fix my relationship with my father on my own. It would take him agreeing there was a problem that needed to be fixed and since he was not even speaking to me it was safe to assume he was not ready to take responsibility for his actions.

Of course if I was having a particularly hard day I could call her and schedule an emergency session but that had only happened once.

I still hadn't written my father a letter and I was still undecided on if I was going to or not. My therapist had also suggested that I write Edward a letter since I seemed to have unresolved issues with him as well. I tried to move on, I really did. My throwing myself at Aaron was an example of my trying to move on, but my therapist said that wasn't really moving on, that was just filling a void with the first opportunity I had. It hurt when she said that because I never meant to just use Aaron to fill a void but it was the truth. I didn't have those kinds of feelings for Aaron and even during our brief encounter it felt wrong and forced.

It was Saturday mid-afternoon and I was home alone. It was raining outside so there really wasn't much to do. I couldn't seem to get Edward off of my mind so I decided I would write his letter like my therapist suggested. I pulled a notebook out of my backpack and settled down on the couch. I had gotten as far as writing the date and 'Dear Edward' when there was a knock at the door.

I ignored it at first, thinking it was probably a Jehovah Witness and not wanting to deal with them at the moment.

After a moment there was more pounding on the door. Seeing as whoever was there was being persistent and was probably getting soaking wet I decided to answer it. I sat my notebook down and made my way to the door.

Grumbling and annoyed as I answered it, I was definitely not expecting to see who was standing dripping wet at my door.

My heart started beating erratically and I felt like I may pass out at any moment.

We stood in silence just staring at one another for what felt like eternity.

"Edward…" My voice broke just saying his name. But I needed to say it out loud to make sure this was real. "What…what are you doing here?" Not the first words I would have imagined saying to him at our reunion but I was so shocked by his presence I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I uh...I came to see you." He said running his hand through his hair, causing water to drain down his back.

I wanted to laugh and cry, fall at his feet to beg for forgiveness, and slap him all at the same time. The person I had missed so terribly, the words I had longed to hear for so many months. He was here and he said them, but I was still so unsure.

"You are, um..." I cleared my throat trying to find my voice. "You're all wet." I stated the obvious.

"Yeah." He agreed. "How fucking crazy is it that I leave the rainiest place on earth to come to the sunshine state and still end up getting caught in a rain storm." His voice was rough and low just as I remembered it. My God, how much I had missed that voice.

"It rains here almost every afternoon. I have no idea who named it the sunshine state." I really had no idea why we were talking about the weather right now. But I didn't care what we talked about as long as he continued to talk to me.

"You uh, you look good – different but good." Edward said, raking his eyes over my body.

I looked down at my cut off shorts and spaghetti strap tank top, wishing I was more dressed up.

"You have a tan, your hair is... different. I like it." He said, running his hand through his hair once again.

"Bella I..."

"Wait." I cut him off. "Come in get out of the rain."

"Okay." He said, following me in the door.

We walked into the foyer and he moved to the side so I could close the door. He took off his jacket which was dripping all over the floor. I tentatively reached out to take it from him and hang it beside the door.

As soon as I turned back around facing him he reached out tracing my lips with his thumb. There was no reaction time before he was pushing me against the door and devouring my lips. The kiss was frantic and needy. It felt as though he was searching for my soul. His hands grasped my hips forcefully pulling me impossibly closer to him. As soon as his hands made contact with my skin I felt it. The heat, the desire, the want, the lust, and finally the love. Everything I had been missing all these months without him.

I couldn't get enough of him. I needed more, there would never be enough where he was concerned. I needed him closer, I needed him molded to my body. I needed to be consumed by him.

The rain pounded against the door as I dug my nails into his scalp to hold him in place. I couldn't breathe but I didn't care. I could share my last breath with this man and have all my hopes and dreams answered.

His lips left mine and I wanted to cry at the loss of contact. He slowed down his movements as he kissed my eyelids, my nose, my chin, each cheek and made his way slowly down my neck and back up to my ear.

"Bella, I missed you so fucking much. I can't do this without you. And I don't want to anymore."

"I don't want to either." I told him honestly. "You are my everything. I tried so damn hard to move on but I can't. You are always with me even when I don't want you to be."

"Bella, I want to be your everything. Please let me. Don't shut me out anymore because I can't fucking take it." He pleaded. I couldn't tell if it was rain or tears running down his face but it didn't matter. I loved him so much and now that I had him there was no way I was ever letting him go again, no matter what obstacles stood in our way.

"I'm done – I promise, no more shutting you out." I told him while holding his face in my trembling hands. "I am so sorry Edward. I have made so many mistakes and I don't know how I will ever make them up to you, but I am willing to spend the rest of my life trying as long as you will give me the chance."

"I don't want apologies, baby girl. I just want you forever." He said, turning his head to kiss my palm.

"That I can do. I just, I need you." I responded before pulling him in for another searing kiss.

He pulled away from my lips just long enough to whisper in my ear, "I could do this all fucking day," and then he was attached to my lips once again. He traced my outer lips with his tongue before I took it gently in my mouth and softly sucked. His hands roamed my body like he was memorizing my every curve. I could feel my body molding to his and I didn't want it any other way.

It was amazing how complete I felt in this moment. The issues with my father didn't matter, school, where I lived, my mistakes with Aaron, the pictures of Edward... none of it mattered anymore. The only important thing to me was that I had this amazing guy back in my life and I knew I had to keep it that way.

"Bella, I don't want to stop but we need to because I don't have much control left." He took a deep breath before resting his forehead against mine. "And before we lose control, I need you to go pack a bag." His warm breath washed over my body, causing me to tremble.

"A bag? For what?" I was still gasping for air from our kiss. Apparently I needed more oxygen to go to my brain so I could think clearly.

"I just need some time with you alone. I have so much to say, Bella. Please just give me one night, and I will explain everything. I just need this one night for us. " Edward's eyes bore into mine, pleading with me.

I studied him for a moment but knew I would do anything he asked. I would go to the ends of the earth with this boy if he asked so there was really nothing left for me to do except pack a bag. "What kind of bag? What do I need?" I asked.

"Just a small bag, like a book bag or something. Just throw a few comfortable clothes in there. I think I have everything else we need." He answered, sounding so excited that I had agreed.

I rushed into my room and dumped all of my books out of my book bag, throwing a few clothes and some money in it. I wasn't sure where we were going exactly so I didn't know what all I should pack but it didn't matter because we would be together and that is all I truly cared about.

I wrote Maria a quick note letting her know that I wouldn't be home tonight. I could have called her or even gone into more detail about who I was with, but I didn't want to give her the opportunity to try and talk me out of it or tell me that I was making a rush decision.

I met him back in the foyer and grabbed his hand, leading him out to the front lawn. Luckily it had stopped pouring so I wouldn't be getting wet on his bike.

Before I climbed onto the back of his bike he handed me earphones and an iPod. "Here, I made a play list for you – the first song on there seemed kind of fitting for our situation." He chuckled.

I put the earphones in and climbed on the back of his bike. As he sped away the lyrics of our theme song played in my ear.

_She's a rebel child and a preacher's daughter.  
__She was baptized in dirty water_.

_She holds tight, me and the Bible  
On the back seat of my motorcycle  
Left her daddy standin' there preachin' to the choir, you see.  
God love her.  
Oh, me and God love her! _

**Yay! So are we all happy that they are back together? I sure hope so cause I have caught all kinds of grief for them being apart lol...You know the drill, leave me a review and let me know what you think ;) And you will get a teaser!**

**So this little story made it to the final round of voting for the inspired fanfic awards...for best fluff under 1000 reviews...voting ends on the 14th so I sure would appreciate it if you would vote for me ;)**

**I am leaving for Disney World in a few days but you should have the next chap in about 2 weeks :)**


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Wow, so yeah it's been a little longer than two weeks since my last update. So Sorry! I have been having internet problems since we got back from vacation, My cable guy has been to my house almost daily for over two weeks now trying to figure it out. It still isn't a hundred percent but I am at least able to get on-line for now. A good thing about not having the internet was that I was able to get a lot of writing done...so the next chapter is already done :) I just have to get it to my beta.**

**My beta Sara has been tied up with school stuff, so my girl One Of Eddies Girls betaed this for me. She worked hard on it and really helped me with it a lot so she get's a BIG thank you! If you haven't already, then ck out her stories on FF. She is an amazing writer, and even better friend. I love you girl! **

**Good luck with all your test Sara :)**

Chap 33

EPOV

It was a spur of the moment decision, but it had to be done. I would suffer the consequences of my actions later. The important thing right now was to get my love.

Alice was the only person I told about my little plan, though I left some of the bigger details out she knew the basics, which was I was leaving and going to win Bella back. I knew someone would need to know, and she was the logical choice. I figured she could tell my parents once they noticed I disappeared. I knew I would get a good head start if I left during school hours, and they wouldn't think much of it if I didn't come straight home from school. So my plan was set in motion.

Except about seven hours into the ride, I decided taking my bike half way across the country was not the smartest fucking idea I'd ever had. My back was sore, my legs desperately needed to stretch, and my head felt like it weighed a million pounds with the helmet. I mentally kicked myself once again for not just flying. At the time driving seemed the better choice. I wanted the time to just clear my head and really think about everything. I was about to make some huge decisions that would affect the rest of my life, and I knew they needed to be thoroughly thought through. Still flying, or even taking the car would have made for a much easier ride.

I made a few stops along the way to piss and stretch my legs a little. I checked my phone around five at one of my stops and saw that I had two messages. I decided not to check any of my voice mails until I stopped for the night, not wanting to have any negative thoughts while on my drive.

Once it started getting dark I knew I needed to crash for the night. My body couldn't take anymore, it needed a good rest if I was going to get up and do it all over again tomorrow.

Once I found a hotel I checked in, showered, ordered pizza and stretched out on the bed giving my sore limbs a much needed break. I flipped through the channels waiting for the pizza and decided there was no time like the present to check my voice mail.

Surprisingly there were still only two voice mails. Taking a deep calming breath I typed in my code and waited.

The first voice mail was from Alice. "Hey Edward, I just wanted to check in and see how your drive was going. Please be careful, let me know when you stop for the night so I won't worry so much. I also wanted to let you know that I filled Emmett in on your plan, I know you told me not to tell anyone but I thought you might need a little more time so I told mom that you decided to stay at Em's for the night, so I of course had to tell him what was going on so he could cover for you if need be. I love you Edward, just please be careful, and call me to let me know that you are okay."

I would definitely have to buy Alice something nice in Florida to let her know how much I appreciated all her help. I hit delete and played the next voice mail.

It was, no surprise, from Emmett. "He bro, Ali told me what was going on, just wanted to let ya know that I have your back. Just don't do anything stupid man. I'm here if you need me." I had to smile at Emmett's message. Short and to the point, I really couldn't ask for better friends and once Bella was back, my life would be complete.

I called Alice back to let her know that I arrived safely and to thank her for the cover up. She'd made up some story about Em and Rose fighting and Emmett needing some male bonding time. It sounded flaky to me, if I stayed with Emmett every time him and Rose fought I would have to move in with him, but my mom fell for it so I guess it was good enough.

It wasn't long before the pizza arrived so I cut our phone call short telling her I would call her again tomorrow. I ate my pizza and crashed. I tried really hard not to think about all the other people that slept on these hotel sheets and the nasty thing's that they probably did on them . I told myself that the hotel provided new sheets every time someone checked out, I knew it wasn't true but it helped my piece of mind.

I slept hard that night not waking up until seven when I received my wakeup call from the front desk. I showered once again then grabbed a doughnut from the complimentary breakfast bar and hit the road again.

I spent the day arranging my thoughts. I knew I needed Bella in my life and I was willing to go to any length to have her there, even if it meant changing the master plan I've had for so many years. I knew I wanted her forever, and I was ready to begin my forever with her immediately. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but the hard times would only make us stronger. The thing I was most worried about was how our family and friends would react to our decision, well that is if Bella even agreed to it.

It wasn't until my second night that I started receiving calls from my parents. I had a message from my mom at four asking what time she could expect me for dinner, telling me we were having meatloaf.

The next call came at five twenty-five asking where I was and why wasn't I answering my phone.

The next call came at five fifty telling me she was getting worried and I needed to call her as soon as possible.

I wanted to just ignore the calls- that would be the easy way out- but I couldn't do it. I didn't want my parents to worry. I wanted them to know that I was following my heart and doing what was best for me.

So I called my mom back. That conversation did not go well at all.

She picked up the phone on the second ring, obviously seeing the caller ID. "Oh my God Edward, where are you at? Why haven't you been answering your cell phone? I was starting to worry. What time will you be home for dinner? Your father has to work late and Alice is out with Jasper so it looks like it will just be us tonight."

She would have kept going if I hadn't cut her off. At least I know who Alice get's it from. "Jesus mom, slow down. I was just calling to... ah... let you know that I won't be home for dinner tonight."

There was a pause before she responded. "Why is that? You need to come home Edward, you've been out for two days I am sure you have homework to do or test to study for," she rambled.

It was my moment of truth."Mom, I'm not in Forks. I needed to get away for a while, I needed a break. I needed to find what's been missing in my life." Okay so it wasn't the complete truth, but it wasn't a lie either. More of an omission of the facts.

Another pause from her end. Then all hell broke loose. "What do you mean you are not in Forks! Where are you at? You have thirty minutes to pull in this driveway before I call your father." She threatened in her stern 'mother' voice.

"Mom listen..." I tried to explain, but she wasn't having it.

"No you listen Edward...you have thirty minutes, end of discussion." With those final words she hung the phone up, officially ending our conversation.

True to her word my phone rang again exactly thirty five minutes later. I debated answering the call showing my father's office number, but I decided against it. I also decided against answering all the other calls that came in from my parents for the rest of the night. I mean I tried to explain it to my mom and she hung up on me, so screw them. This is my life, I can choose to live it any way I want to.

I checked my voice mail the following morning before setting out on the road again.

The first one from my father showed indifference."Edward, your mother just called and said you didn't come home when she told you to. Please go home, I have enough on my plate without you worrying your mother." He ended the call with a deep sigh.

Fifteen minutes after that message was another from my mother. "I called your father, you better be on your way home."

By eight o'clock they were blowing my phone up. The messages ranged from threatening to call the police to begging me to just come home. Finally a little after midnight the calls stopped and I assumed they'd gotten Alice to crack. I tried not to let it worry me as I continued on my journey, but I couldn't help but feel like an ass for deceiving them. I decided once I made it to Florida I would call and tell them everything.

It took longer than I expected, because of having to stop so often to stretch out and walk around, but I finally arrived in Florida.

My first instinct was to track down Bella and sweep her away, but I knew I needed to take my time making this perfect.

I found a nice hotel on the beach, rented a room with a balcony overlooking the ocean then went out to buy some new sheets. While I was out I bought some new clothes, I couldn't pack many in my backpack and though I probably could have found a laundry mat, I wouldn't have known how to use the washer thing anyway so it was just easier this way.

Once I was settled in my room I checked my voice mail again. I had a message from Alice telling me she was sorry but that she had to finally tell our parents what she knew. I wasn't mad at her. I had put her in an awkward situation, I was just thankful I hadn't filled her in on everything.

There was a message from my mom, she was crying telling me she loved me and wanted me to be safe. She said she wished I would have told her what I was doing and that she wanted me to come home.

There was a message from Emmett singing some random song that only Emmett could pull off. Alice obviously told him that I'd been found out.

"**There's a new cop on the beat  
And I'm bringing down the heat  
My eyes are wide to all your lies cuz your not that discreet  
And I don't care what you've heard  
Cuz there's one six letter word  
It's gonna set me free  
It starts with a b**

**It starts with a b  
It goes B-U-S-T-E-D you are BUSTED!"**

Yeah he was a dork, but I couldn't help but laugh at his attempt to lighten the situation.

The last message was from my father. He was yelling asking how I could just run off without telling them. He told me how selfish and immature I was being, and that I better be on the next plane back home or he was coming to find me.

Yeah like that would really happen. I knew that was just an idle threat on his end and I in no way intended to go back home now. I had come too far.

I called Alice to let her know that I arrived in Florida safely, I told her I wasn't upset with her and that I would call her again once I saw Bella. I asked her to let our parents know that I was safe and that I would call them soon.

I knew I should have called them myself, but I thought the conversation would go much smoother once they had some time to calm down.

As an afterthought I asked Alice if she had told Jasper about what I was doing. I didn't want him to call Bella and tip her off, I wanted to be the one to surprise her.

Alice stalled for a few minutes then told me that she hadn't told Jasper anything, she went on to say that her and Jasper weren't actually talking much about anything these days. I asked her if everything was okay, wishing I'd been paying more attention to her recently.

She blew me off telling me she was fine, everything was fine, not to worry. I know I should have pushed for more information, but she didn't seem like she really wanted to talk about it, so I just let it go for now.

I slept well that night on my king size bed and new sheets. I slept in late the next day, enjoying the fact that I could. I probably would have stayed in that bed all day to let my body recuperate if I didn't have such pressing matters to attend to. Now came the hard part.

I spent the entire day going from store to store jewelry shopping. This was a big decision and I just couldn't find what I wanted. Everything was either to big or to small, not the right cut, or just didn't seem like Bella. Feeling defeated and frustrated after my long day of shopping I went back to my hotel room and changed into my new swim trunks. I headed out to the beach thinking a quick dip in the ocean may help to calm me.

I took a walk down the beach taking in the sand and sun and wondered how many times Bella had done this herself. I tried to imagine her in a little bikini surfing or playing in the waves. I laughed at the thought, no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't see Bella doing those things.

After my walk I went for a quick swim then decided to head back to my room for the night. As I was walking back I decided to take the long way around and check out the surf shops that lined the beach. They were mostly full of souvenirs for tourist, but I did manage to find some good stuff in there. I found a hemp necklace that I bought thinking of Jake, and a shot glass with a naked chick on it for Emmett. I bought a seashell bracelet and matching necklace for Alice, knowing she would love it. Feeling defeated that I was able to find something for everyone except Bella I decided to call it a day . I was almost to the check out when I happened to stumble across the perfect thing for her. It wasn't glamorous or even real but it would work perfectly.

I knew the next day would be the day. I had everything in order and I was ready. I couldn't wait any longer until I saw her, I just hoped that she would agree to everything.

That night was filled with restless sleep I tossed and turned all night and when I did manage to sleep I was plagued with nightmares of showing up on Bella's doorstep and seeing her with her arms wrapped around Aaron, kissing him, hugging him telling him she loved him. The worst dream of all though was when I showed up to confess my undying love she opened the door with an obvious baby bump. I knew there was no way that it was mine but I asked anyway. She laughed in my face and told me I wasn't man enough to give it to her so she found someone that could. There was no going back to sleep after that dream.

I straightened up the room, setting out the candles and shit I bought the first day here. I even made the bed with the new sheets. I knew that housekeeping could have done it, but I didn't want anyone's dirty germy hands on my new sheets.

It was still relativity early so I went down to the beach for a run, trying to get my nerves under control. I knew, as hard as it was for me to think about, that there was a chance that Bella had moved on, or wouldn't agree to my plan. It made me crazy to think of the possibility that we wouldn't be together after today, and truth be told that is probably why I waited so long to seek her out.

I wanted to see her, I really did and I knew in my heart that she still loved me, that we were soul mates meant to be together but there was this little voice in the back of my head telling me she moved on. That she never really loved me, that I made it all up. All the little moments and emotions, they were just a figment of my imagination.

I wouldn't know anything for sure until I saw her, and today was the day. I ran twice as far as the previous day needing to get rid of my nervous energy. On my way back to the hotel I stopped in a coffee shop grabbing a muffin and large coffee heading back to my room to eat it. After eating I showered taking my time enjoying the steady stream of warm water. Okay so maybe I jacked off once or twice. It's been a while and I need to make sure my hormones were in check.

Once all my business was taken care of and I was cleaned up I hopped out of the shower getting dressed taking a few more minutes to straighten up once more.

As soon as I made it out of my room I noticed the dark sky and cursed the unpredictable weather in this state. I thought about postponing my visit but immediately decided against it. I needed to see her and get all these things off my chest. There was no more putting it off.

As I climbed on my bike the raindrops started falling but I didn't care. I was on a mission, and it was going to happen come hell or high water.

It wasn't a terribly long drive to Bella's house, but it was long enough for me to get soaked. Riding a motorcycle in the rain has to be my least favorite thing ever to do, honestly it sucks ass, but it was worth it if I could be reunited with Bella.

I arrived at her house and parked my bike on the curb. I sat there, in the rain working up the courage to knock on the door. It took a good five minutes but I finally managed to get off the bike and walk to the door. I stood there probably another ten minutes before I gained the courage to actually knock. I had to knock a few times and started to wonder if maybe nobody was home when finally the door flew open.

There in all of her glory stood my goddess. She was different, but she was there. By the expression on her face she was obviously pretty shocked that I was on the other side of the door.

I let my eyes scan her body to make sure there was no baby bump, thank God there wasn't but I couldn't help but notice all the other changes. Her hair was shorter and streaked with color, her skin was tanned, her clothes holy hell I've never seen her dressed like this before. She was wearing a simple tank top and cut off shorts but it looked amazing on her.

I felt like a total douche not knowing what to say to her right off the rip. Of all the things I had thought through and planned out, I can't believe it never crossed my mind what the first thing to say to her would be.

After our very awkward greeting and brief chat about the weather she invited me inside. Once in the door I knew I couldn't wait a second longer to touch her. Feeling that instant spark as soon as our skin touched and seeing her reaction to my touch set me off, and I may have let my hormones get the better of me for a while. I was finally able to gain control and I pleaded with her to let me in. I couldn't survive with her shutting me out any longer and I let her know that. She agreed wholeheartedly, and just that easily we were us again. I knew there were things we still needed to work out, and our future would be hard but it just didn't matter as long as she was with me to deal with the trials as they came.

Bella agreed to come back with me, I couldn't contain my happiness at her willingness to leave with me not even knowing where we were going. My plan was set in motion, no turning back now.

The ride to the hotel wasn't long, but I was enjoying the feel of Bella holding on to me, so I took a more scenic route . Once I had gotten lost ...twice, and had to have her set me back in the right direction I headed back to the hotel.

She seemed a bit confused when I pulled up in the parking lot, but she didn't ask any questions. Just climbed off my bike and grabbed my hand willingly following me.

I took her bag for her and led her inside the lobby to the elevator, punching six for my floor. She went into the elevator still never questioning where I was taking her. Once we made it to our floor, after a little elevator making out, I led her to our room. I slid the key in opening the door allowing her to enter before me.

She released my hand, walking around the room taking everything in before she finally turned to me. "Edward, how long have you been here?"

I shrugged my shoulder playing it off. "A few days, I had to get everything in order before I could go to you."

"What did you have to get in order?" She asked obviously confused.

"I just, you know... wanted everything to be perfect for you." Now with her here with me it seemed stupid for waiting.

"This." She said looking around the room."Is nice, but I didn't need all of this. I just need you to make my life perfect."

"I'm glad you feel that way." I told her making my way over to her and getting lost in a searing kiss.

"Before this gets too carried away, we should get going. I just wanted to come up and drop off your bag. I have a whole day planned for us, and now that the sun is out my plans just might work out."

"Don't you think that we should talk first?" She released her hold on me and walked over to the bed to sit down."I mean I am so happy that you are here, there are just so many things we need to talk about."

I knew we needed to talk I just didn't want to, not yet. "Bella, we will talk, we'll talk about everything I promise, but right now I just want us to be together and have some fun." I held my hand out to her to help her off the bed and pleaded with my eyes for her to just do this for me. She took a moment to think it over before she finally accepted my hand, rising up off the bed.

"What are we doing first?' She asked excitement dancing in her eyes.

"First." I placed a kiss on her nose. "We are going to buy you a super fucking hot bathing suit." I kissed her head. "Then I am going to take my super fucking hot girlfriend in her super fucking hot bathing suit to the beach." I kissed her chin. "And then we are going to make a sandcastle, play in the water, and make out like a couple of teenagers, until everyone on the beach jealous." I finally kissed her lips, never wanting to be away from her again.

So we did just that. We went down to the shore shops and she tried on several different bathing suits for me, modeling each and every one. It amazed me at how confident she felt in her own skin. Something else for me to add to the list of things that changed about her.

We finally agreed on one that we both liked. I liked it because it was a two piece, and was only held together by strings that tied on her hips. She liked it because of the bright colors that helped show off her tan.

Then we went down to the beach. We played in the water splashing each other and jumping the waves like we were five years old again. Once we were thoroughly soaked we headed back to our towel. I sat down and pulled her on top of me keeping my promise to make out with her. The hoots and hollers we received let me now that we were indeed making everyone jealous.

Once our lips were numb from all the kissing we took a break to make a sandcastle. I quickly learned that I sucked at it and it was not actually as much fun as I thought it would be. So I left her to work on the sandcastle while I drew hearts in the sand with our initials. Yes I know it was cheesy, but Bella brings that out in me. She makes me want to do stupid mushy shit.

When she was satisfied with her sandcastle we decided to take a walk down the beach. I held her hand and kept her close to my side as we walked splashing the water with our feet.

"So what have I missed in Forks? What's been going on with everyone?" She asked. I knew she had been dying all day to talk about it, and this seemed like a good place to start so I told her about everyone, and school, and all the usual drama bullshit that had happened since she left.

I asked her about her school here and how she had adjusted living with Angela and her family. She told me about all of her classes and the friends she made. She told me about her job and the afternoons she spent here at this very beach.

We spent a long time just walking, talking, and getting caught up on the last few months we missed in each others lives.

We stopped and bought an ice cream then found a piece of driftwood to sit on and continue our conversation. I knew we were running out of the casual getting caught up conversation and it would soon turn serious. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that or not. I knew I needed to come clean about my partying and my almost mistake with Jessica, and it scared me that Bella wouldn't be able to forgive me.

As if she was reading my mind Bella brought up the subject. "Edward, it is so great to hear about everyone and school, but can we talk about us?" She had her bottom lip pulled between her teeth and she honestly looked afraid to ask me about us.

"Bella, I know we have a lot to talk about. Things with us got screwed up and I know that they need to be dealt with... I just I wanted today for us. I wanted to leave the past behind us and make new memories for the future." I tried explaining.

"I understand that, I am all for putting the past behind us. I just... I think there are some things that need to be put out in the open and talked about before we can truly move on." She paused taking a deep breath. I wanted to interrupt her but I knew she had more to say so I kept my mouth shut.

"I know that I made a lot of mistakes with us. I handled things the completely wrong way. I was just too scared and broken at the time to see what I was doing to us. Edward I am so sorry, I know it's wrong for me to ask but can you please forgive me? "

I was rendered speechless. I was shocked that she would even have to ask me that. I mean didn't the fact that I drove all this way to get her let her know that I'd already forgiven her?

I guess I took to long with my response because she continued. "I understand if you can't, I know that I hurt you. I just... "

I had to cut her off. I reached for her hand, holding it in mine as I spoke to her. "Bella, of course I forgive you, I love you. I get it, I do. It was a fucked up situation and you needed to get out. I understand that you needed some time. What I don't understand is why you didn't call or contact me some way. Why did you need to cut me out of your life?"

She took a deep breath and looked out into the ocean for a while I assumed she was collecting her thoughts. She finally turned her attention back to me and spoke."When I say it now it seems stupid, it wasn't until I was in therapy that I realized how ridiculous I was being but you deserve to know what was going through my mind, so here goes." She squeezed my hand before releasing it then standing to pace in front of the log.

"When I first left, I was hurt not by you, but by my father. I felt like he stopped loving me because of our situation, because of the things that we had done. Looking back, I knew we crossed lines that shouldn't of been crossed. I felt dirty and sinful. I felt like if I hadn't done those things then my father would not have disowned me. And because I did those things with you, by default I needed to distance myself from you and our situation."

She stopped pacing and walked over to me squatting down in front of me. "I never stopped loving you Edward. I thought about you everyday. I was just hurt and confused. But I want you to know I never blamed you, I blamed me for letting those things happen. You never pushed me, you always made sure I was comfortable with what we were doing, I felt weak, because I should've been strong enough to say I didn't want to do that stuff. The problem was I really did want to do it at the time. It wasn't until my father found out and kicked me out that I looked at it differently and began to feel like I did wrong."

I wiped the tears from her cheek as they fell. "Bella, I am so sorry you felt that way. I wish... I wish I would've known, though I don't know what I could have done to change any of the things we did." I told her honestly.

She stood and started pacing once again. "That's the thing, I wouldn't want to change any of it. Edward I love you, and I cherish every memory that I have of us together. Sure I maybe wish I had erased those pictures off my phone." She chuckled and I couldn't help but smile.

"But I honestly wouldn't change a thing. That's what I'm trying to tell you, I was just hurt, and confused. Once I started therapy my therapist helped me to see I was feeling guilty because of what my father though of me not of the actual things we'd done.

Once I came to that realization I wanted to contact you so bad, but I wasn't sure how you would respond. I played out conversations in my head that we would have but every day I came up with an excuse to postpone calling you. So much time passed and I just didn't know if you would be mad or if you had already moved on... I was just too afraid of being rejected by you so I never called." She averted her eyes from me no longer holding eye contact. I could tell that she was ashamed that she had felt this way.

Hearing her say she was afraid of being rejected by me hurt. I would like to think that she would always believe I would be there for her, and never reject her . I immediately jumped up from the log and went to her side. I put my hands on her shoulders holding her in place. "Bella, I don't know what I have ever done to make you think that I would reject you. You are the most important thing in the world to me. I am so sorry if I have ever done anything to make you doubt that." I told her with conviction in my voice.

"Edward I know that, I just... it was so confusing and I let my imagination run away with me. I should have never doubted you or what we have, I am incredibly sorry for that." She leaned in to me wrapping her arms around my body hugging me tight.

I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her back. As much as I was enjoying holding her on the beach with the waves crashing in the background I knew that we needed to finish this conversation.

"Bella. I'm not mad, I just don't fully understand. How could you think I would reject you when I was calling you several times a day?" This is the question that had been eating at me for months, why didn't she ever take my calls or call me back.

She released her hold on me and stepped back. "Okay you have to go sit back down so I can finish this. It's too distracting when you are so close." She waved her hands around indicating she needed space.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Has anyone ever told you that you can be quite bossy Ms. Swan?"

She tapped her finger on her chin a few times, "You know, I think I have heard that before a time or two." She teased.

I obliged to her request and went back to sit on my log so she would continue. She started pacing again before she started talking.

"Okay so I was afraid that after so much time passed that you had moved on and would reject me if I tried to contact you, but it ate away at me. I hated being away from you, and the more time that passed the more I just couldn't take it. Maria came to me one day and asked what my plans for school were. Did I plan on going home or did I want to register for school here. "

She stooped pacing to look at me. "That's when I really realized how much time had passed. I guess when I first came here I thought I wouldn't really be here long. I thought my father would realize how much he missed me, we would make a mends and I would be back home in a few short weeks. That of course didn't happen and time just flew by. My father never called, we never made up, and I was just stuck in limbo."

She held eye contact for a moment then went back to the damn pacing. It was taking all my will power not to hold her still, but if this made it easier for her I would endure it.

"So anyway Maria asked me what I wanted to do, I thought about it for a while and knew that I missed you and Jasper and everyone so much that I really did want to come home. I don't know how I would have done that since my father and I still were not speaking but that's what I wanted. So I went to talk to Maria about it." She stalled and I could tell by the expression on her face that it was hard for her to continue.

I couldn't believe that she was so close to coming home. "Bella, what made you change your mind? Why didn't you come back?"

"Well, like I said I don't know where I would have lived because my father and I still had not spoken but I was determined to find a way. Especially after I talked to Maria. That's when she told me that you had been calling. Up until that point I didn't know you had ever called for me."

"What!" I shot up off the log. "Bella, I must have called you a million times! You mean she never told you?"

Bella shook her head back and forth. "No I never knew. But please don't be angry with her, she thought she was doing what was best for me. She explained her side of things and she apologized for it. She even offered to help me contact you if I wanted to." I don't understand how she could defend Maria after she would do something like that. Why was everyone in my life set out to destroy us?

I was beyond angry with Maria, I was fucking pissed, but we could return to that subject later, there was a more pressing matter at hand. "So why didn't you contact me then?"

Bella motioned with her hands for me to sit back down, and I did, but I wasn't happy about it. "After I finished talking to Maria I decided I would call you that night after I got in from work. I had some time to kill before I had to get ready for work, so I decided to get on my Facebook. I was playing around on there and ran across some... pictures... of you... with... um... girls... at parties." Her voice had dropped down to almost a whisper as she said this. I hate that she had seen those pictures, that I had hurt her like this.

Fuck. How could I have been so stupid. To know that I was the reason that Bella hadn't come home was enough to make me cry. I didn't, I held it together so she could finish, but I was incredibly disappointed in myself.

"Bella, I can explain." At least I hoped I could explain, and that she could forgive me.

"Just wait." She held up her hand silencing me. "Let me finish, then you can tell me your side of things."

"Okay." I agreed.

"So I saw the pictures and figured you moved on. I was heartbroken all over again. I was mad at you as well as myself. After some time I decided that you were probably better off without me anyway, I just wanted you to be happy. I knew I would always love you, but I didn't want to hold you back from living your life. So I set you free so to speak." Her voice wavered and I could tell she was fighting back tears.

"Bella it was never like that." I tried once again to explain. And once again she hushed me

"I need to get this out Edward, and then if you still even want to talk to me I will listen to everything you have to say." Her eyes were pleading with me to understand as her voice broke.

I motioned for her to go on, dreading what else she could possibly have to say.

"Once I had seen the pictures and mourned our relationship I decided if you had moved on then so could I. I went out with Angela and her boyfriend and...Aaron."

I could feel my blood pressure rise and my nostrils flair as what she said sank in. I knew that little piece of shit would be hitting on my girlfriend. I was careful not to open my mouth because anything that came out of it at this moment would not be good.

"We all just went as friends." Bella continued. "Several guys asked me to go to this school dance with them, but I turned them all down, I just wasn't ready for that yet. I really did want to go to the dance though, because I never had the opportunity to go to one before. So Aaron suggested that I go with him, just as friends.

We went to dinner first with Ang and her boyfriend and then we went to the dance. It was nice enough. It wasn't really what I was expecting. I spent the entire night wishing you were there with me." She stopped pacing again and was watching me gauging my reaction. I wasn't sure how much more of her story I could take, I already wanted to go find Aaron and beat the shit out of him. But I didn't talk, I sat there quiet waiting for her to continue.

I could tell she was having trouble telling me the next part and that made me incredibly nervous. She continued but her voice was much lower than before. "After the dance Angela went to a party with some of her friends, they asked me to go, but I really wasn't in the mood so I asked Aaron to just take me home.

Once we arrived at home he asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him, I agreed and once I changed I met him in the family room. We watched the movie for a while, and then things got ….out of hand..." She stalled.

"What do you mean by out of hand, Bella?" I asked between clenched teeth.

"I...we... It just..." She stuttered out.

"Just tell me Bella." I said trying my hardest to hold my rage in.

She took a deep breath and then continued. "We started out just watching a movie, and then he kissed me." She paused and looked at me, I had to look away. I couldn't believe she kissed him, but I knew there was more. I didn't know if I could handle hearing it.

"It felt all wrong. All I could think about the whole time was you, but then I thought about you with those other girls and I decided if you could do it then so could I." I could hear the trembling in her voice and I knew she was about to cry, but I had to hear the rest of it.

When I couldn't take the silence anymore I finally asked, "Could do what? Did you sleep with him?" My chest was tight and I was finding it hard to breath. I couldn't believe I was actually asking her this question, that we were in this situation and I had to ask the question.

"No, no I promise it didn't get that far. " She rushed to tell me. "I did kind of throw myself at him, but he stopped me before things got too far. He asked me if I felt that way about him and my answer was no, he then told me he didn't want to be a fill in for you and it was over. I just… I felt like I should tell you. I don't want to hide anything from you. I understand if this is a deal breaker for you, but I honestly thought that you moved on and that we were not together anymore."

This time I did look at her, and the tears running down her face broke my heart. "Bella, there is no deal breaker for me. We both made mistakes and no matter what you did, I am willing to forgive you and move past it. I do want to know in more detail how exactly you threw yourself at him though."

"You know," she said wiping the tears from her eyes. "You once told me you wouldn't want to hear details about me with other guys."

I remembered the conversation she was referring to, it's kind of ironic how the tables had turned. "I changed my mind. I do want to know." I shrugged not having a better answer.

"Okay." She sighed. "Well he kissed me and I kind of threw myself on top of him and made out with him for a while. Then he stopped and told me he was aroused, which he was embarrassed about, so I told him to go take care of it. He thought that I was out of line to talk so candidly about his arousal and then he asked if I wanted to have sex with him because those type of actions lead to sex. I told him I didn't... and that was pretty much it."

I had to laugh. I mean I wasn't happy at all that she kissed him, but the whole situation was pretty funny. I had a new respect for Aaron, because if it was any other guy I am sure he would have taken advantage of the situation.

"So let me get this straight." I said between chuckles. "He freaked out because he got a hard on, and was embarrassed that you told him to go whack off?"

"Yeah." Bella giggled. "It was something like that. I think he was most embarrassed that he actually got the hard on."

"So he didn't cop a feel or anything?" I clarified.

"No." She blushed slightly. "He never copped a feel, or vise verse. Though he said he was sure I felt his arousal while I was on top of him, but I honesty didn't. I didn't even know he was hard until he told me."

This caused me to full on belly laugh. I didn't have the heart to tell her this just meant he had a small dick.

"So you aren't mad?" She asked in a small voice.

"I'm not happy that you kissed another guy, but no I'm not mad. Bella we both made mistakes. I just appreciate you being honest and up front with me." I stalled for a minute. "And now it's my turn to do the same for you. Will you sit by me? "

"Sure." She said making her way over to the log. Instead of sitting on it beside me she sat in the sand directly in front of me.

"Bella, Jesus I don't even know where to start." I said while tucking a stray strand of her hair between her ear.

"From the beginning." She told me like that was the obvious answer.

"Okay, smart ass in the beginning I just moped around my house. I was so lost without you. I refused to go out or even socialize with anybody until I talked to you. I was really bad, like my parents would barely even speak to me for fear that I would bite their heads off. It wasn't until I refused to even go to school that my mom made a deal with me. She said if I would go to school and start attending family dinners again then she would give me your number."

"I am so sorry I put you through that, Edward." Bella placed her hand on my knee rubbing it softly.

I placed my hand over hers and squeezed letting her know I appreciated it. "I finally agreed and went to school and that afternoon I started calling your house. I begged and pleaded but they wouldn't let me talk to you. I never gave up, I called several times a day until one day I overheard Alice telling my mom that you had a facebook, and that you had been taking to Jasper. Hearing that made me think that you moved on so I said screw it. If I couldn't have the girl that I loved then I would just go back to my old ways. I assumed we were no longer together also so I didn't think my actions would really affect you. I started partying and drinking and doing drugs. I danced with some girls but nothing ever happened... until one night about a week ago..." I trailed off.

Here comes the hard part, I thought as I mustered up the courage to tell Bella what happened.

"What happened a week ago?" She asked genuinely concerned.

I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the sun beating down on it. "This is really hard to tell you." I wanted her to know I was struggling with this part, as if she couldn't already tell.

"I know, but you will feel better once you get it off your chest." She told me never breaking eye contact. "We both made mistakes Edward, I may not like what you are telling me but I can put it behind us and move on. I promise nothing you say will make me leave you." I could hear the sincerity in her voice. I truly believed she would forgive me, still it didn't make it easier to admit my transgressions to her.

"Okay well a little over a week ago Jake called me and wanted me to go to a party, once I was there someone convinced me to take Ecstasy." I stopped for a moment to gauge her reaction. I could see the disappointment written all over her face and it made me feel like even more of an ass. "At first I didn't really notice any effects, but then suddenly everything hit me. I wasn't thinking clearly, it wasn't really me making the decisions anymore.

It's not an excuse, I know what I did was wrong. I should never have taken the pill, hell I shouldn't of been at the party, but I was there and I did take it and it made me do things I wouldn't of normally done."

I took a deep breath. "Bella, I love you and I am so sorry for what I am about to tell you."

"I love you too. I know it's not easy but I want you to tell me, I want you to be honest with me." I could see her body tense up, she was preparing herself for the worst.

"That night," I cringed thinking about the things I had done. "I somehow ended up in a bedroom alone with Jessica. We went there with a purpose Bella" I looked her in the eye hoping to convey what I was trying to say. "And I'm sure you know what that was."

She nodded her head slightly and I continued. "Anyway we were in there, on the bed messing around. I knew something wasn't right, something was missing so I kissed her. I wanted to fill the void you left. I know it was stupid, nobody could fill that void but you, but at the time I was willing to try anything. So we kissed, and it was all wrong. She was... uh… feeling me up, she undid my pants and attempted to give me a hummer."

Bella gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. I hated that I was hurting her like this but we needed to air everything out.

I moved her hand away from her mouth and moved off the log so I was sitting directly in front of her in the sand. "It didn't happen, as she was about to make contact with my dick I knew, even in my fucked up state, and thinking that we were not together, I knew I couldn't do that with her. I couldn't let myself do that to you, to us. So I pushed her off of me and bolted from the room. I tried to get away from everything and somehow ended up falling asleep outside in the dog house. That's how I knew I had hit rock bottom. I didn't want to be that person. I wanted to be the person I am when I am around you, and for that to happen I had to come to you. So I spent the next few days researching and then I jumped on my bike and drove here to win you back."

"I hate that you let her anywhere near you, but I am glad you stopped before anything more could happen." She leaned forward wrapping her arms around me and burying her face in my neck. "I would have forgiven you even if you had done anything with her, but I am so happy that you didn't." I can hear the relief in her voice. I know, at least I would like to think that she would have forgiven me even if I had fucked the hoe. But still I am happy I didn't make that mistake, and it was clear Bella was just as thrilled about that fact as I was.

"Me too baby girl." I told her while stroking her hair.

I leaned back against the log and turned her so I was holding her with her back against my chest. We sat there for a while lost in our own thoughts just watching the crashing waves.

"Is that everything?" She asked. "Is that all that you needed to tell me?"

"Pretty much." I thought back to our time apart and suddenly remembered something else. "Oh, I do have one more thing." I wasn't sure how she would take this, so I just blurted it out instead of beating around the bush. "I kind of... punched your father."

"What!" She exclaimed, turning her face so she could look at me.

"Yeah I kind of went to his house one night and confronted him. He was being a dick and saying all kinds of mean shit about you, so I lost it... and punched him."

Bella looked shocked then burst out in laughter. "I can't believe you did that! Wow, I wish I could have been there to see it. What did he do after you hit him?"

I shrugged slightly. "Nothing really, I left right after that."

"Wow." Bella said again.

"So are we done airing all of our dirty laundry?" I asked, hoping we were done. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take.

"Yeah." Bella sighed. "That's all I have, besides telling you again how sorry I am for everything."

"I'm sorry too." I placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Do you think you can forgive me for all the stupid shit I did while we were apart?"

"It's already forgiven. What about you? Can you forgive me?" She asked.

"Forgiven and forgotten." I released her moving her once again so she was facing me. "Bella we both screwed up, we were honest with each other about it, and we both regret it. I just... do you think we can move past all the bullshit and just start over fresh?"

"Nothing would make me happier." She told me before placing her lips on mine. I returned the kiss with all the passion and love I felt for her. I hoped she knew how much she meant to me, and that I truly could not live without her.

Once we had enough of the sun, surf and sand we headed back to the hotel room, showered and went to grab an early dinner. Once we were full and back in our room I pulled her to the balcony to sit and watch the sunset with me.

"This is what heaven must be like." I stated while pulling her a little closer to my chest. My life felt complete, I was once again happy. I had the girl of my dreams sitting in my lap watching the sun set over the ocean in our own little hideaway. It really couldn't get much better than this.

"I agree." She whispered. "You know as long as I have been here I've never taken the time to just sit back and enjoy the simple beauty. It's breathtaking."

"It is beautiful, but you are the only thing that takes my breath away." I couldn't help but laugh at myself for my corny line, but it was the truth, and I wanted her to know that.

I knew it was about time and I couldn't help but feel nervous and jittery. Not because of what I was about to do, but because of what her response would be.

We sat there for a while in that chase lounge on the balcony, Bella in my lap cuddled into my chest watching the sun set and the sky turn dark. I kept thinking to myself this is what I want forever, that's how I knew I was doing the right thing. The rest would be up to her.

"Bella, I... uh… have something I want to talk to you about." I told her trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice."

She tilted her head to look at me and must have seen the seriousness of the situation etched on my face because she sat up and turned to face me, straddling my lap. "What's on your mind?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, hoping I wasn't making a huge mistake. "Bella, you know, at least I hope you know... you should know... that I fucking love you to death."

The smile on her face told me that whether she knew it or not, she liked hearing it.

"I do know that, and I love you as well."

"Bella, I had a purpose to coming here, I mean beyond just to see you."

"Oh?" She said sounding confused.

"Of course I came here to see you, and get our relationship back on track. What I mean is I also had another purpose, more of a plan really." I tried explaining, but really I was just confusing myself and by the look on her face and the way her eyebrows were scrunched together I was confusing the hell out of her as well.

"This isn't coming out right." I took another deep breath, why was I having such a hard time with this?

"Can I just start over?" I asked hoping she could stay on track with me.

"Yes, please. Just tell me what it is."

"Okay. Here's the thing, I love you. I need to be with you, you make everything so much better. You make me better, I can't live without you Bella. I want you to be my forever. I want to grow old with you, tease you when your hair starts to turn gray. I want to have kids and grandchildren with you. I want to buy our first house together and argue over the furniture. I want it all, the good times and the bad times."

"I want that stuff too, but I think I will be the one teasing you about your gray hair." She laughed running her hand through my hair.

"Are you sure you want all that stuff...with me?" I asked, needing to hear her say it just one more time.

"Yes Edward, I want you to be my forever. I look forward to sharing all of our life milestones together."

"I'm glad you feel that way." I told her while reaching into my pocket and pulling out a ring. " I am ready for our forever to start now. Will you marry me Bella?"

**Whew ..A lot happening for these two! Leave me a review and let me know what you think...Review gets you a teaser...just sayin ;)**

**The next chapter is already written, as long as my internet will stay up I should have it to my pre-reader today. Let me just tell you Carlise will be making an appearance, and he is not happy with his son!**

**Rec's**

**Love the way you lie by bnjwl...this one is just starting but it is so good! I have had the pleasure of pre-reading for her so go leave her some love!**

**Secrets & Consequences by one of eddies girls...super HOT!**

**And if you still need something check out my other story Flagrant Foul :)**


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight...but I did just get the Bree book :)**

**Sorry this took a while my beta was tied up with finals and moving, and then I had some computer issues BUT the always wonderful One Of Eddies Girls worked her magic and betaed this for me. Much love girl, you are the best!**

**Shout out to midnight-angles and Comfy Boots for guessing the song last chapter was from phinease and ferb lol!**

Chap 34

EPOV

Last chapter …..."I am ready for our forever to start now. Will you marry me Bella?"

Bella's eyes grew big and her mouth fell open forming an O shape. She stared at me in complete shock for a moment before her gaze flickered to the ring I was holding. At least my girl tried to contain her giggle by covering that pretty little mouth, but she couldn't hold it in. Soon she was in such a fit of laughter she was gasping for air and clutching her stomach.

My ego was officially wounded. She fucking laughed at me.

"I...uh." I cleared my throat trying to find my voice. "I know this isn't a traditional ring, and I do plan on getting you a diamond, I just thought you might want to pick it out. And this one just seemed...fitting." I explained trying to keep the embarrassment out of my voice.

I suddenly felt very stupid about my selection. I fisted my hand around the ring and drew back, just as I was about to throw the damn ring over the balcony she grabbed my hand halting my movements.

"Don't you dare Edward Cullen. I love the ring. It is very sweet and thoughtful, it just wasn't what I was expecting. I'm just ...I'm shocked that you would get something like this for me." She held her hand out and I couldn't help but notice the trembling. "Will you put it on me?"

I tentatively reached out to hold her hand and steady it as I slid the conch shell ring on her finger. It hadn't gone unnoticed that she still hadn't answered me but I could be patient and give her the time that she needed.

Once I had the ring in place I released her hand and waited. She stared at her hand for what seemed like hours before she finally met my eyes. A single tear slid down her cheek as she answered me with the brightest smile I had ever seen grace her face. "Yes! Yes Edward, I would love to marry you!"

"Are you sure?" I asked, making sure I had eye contact. "This is a big decision and if you need time to think about it I understand."

"Are you trying to get out of it already Mr. Cullen?" She teased.

"Not at all." I assured her. "I just want you to be one hundred percent sure, this is it for me. I may not be traditional in many ways, but I do believe in only getting married once. Divorce is not an option for me." I told her as seriously as possible. This is a life altering decision and I wanted to make sure she was positive about her answer.

"I am Edward, I am positive I want you forever. I just don't know how we can get married right now." She told me while still inspecting her shell ring.

"Well sweetheart, consider yourself lucky that your future husband is good at finding loopholes in the system." I couldn't help smirking while I told her this.

"You are losing me here." She said, once again confused.

"Okay, I did some research before I came down here. I found that most states will let you marry at seventeen if you are pregnant. My first thought was to lie, but then I found out that you have to provide doctor notes. I could have forged them, but I didn't want our marriage to be built on a lie. My next thought was to knock you up so it would be true." I shrugged my shoulder like that was no big deal, when in truth just the thought of a baby scared the shit out of me.

Bella's eyes once again grew wide." Whoa, Edward wait a minute...that's wow..okay that is a big step."

I had to laugh at her reaction. "Relax, I decided against that option almost immediately. I mean if there were no other options I would have propositioned you but I was looking for an option that kept your virginity intact as well as kept us from changing diapers in nine months."

She exhaled a gust of air. "Okay that makes me feel better." I could see her body relax, it comforted me to know that we were on the same page with the baby thing.

Wanting to tease her just a little I feigned hurt. "Really Bella, would it be that bad to procreate with me? I would think you would be honored to have me as your baby daddy."

She was quick to respond. "Oh it's not that, I would love to have children with you... someday. It's just that we are still so young. Haven't you seen Teen Mom on MTV? I know it's just a TV show but jeez, it looks like a lot of work to have a baby."

I tried to keep a serious expression on my face but the smile was breaking through."Bella as beautiful as I think you would look carrying my child." I caressed her stomach while saying this to further prove my point. "I don't think either of us is really ready for that for a while."

"I agree, so if pregnancy fake or otherwise is out what options do we have left?"

"Okay the next thing I discovered was that you can marry as young as 16 in most states as long as you have a parent or guardian sign for you. In some states they don't even have to be present, they just have to have a notarized letter faxed over. So I considered begging and pleading with your father or Maria but I didn't think I would get very far with either of them."

"No, probably not." She agreed.

"Then I hit the jackpot. Did you know that in South Carolina you are considered an adult at seventeen? You can move out, live on your own, or even marry without parental consent?"

"I didn't know that." A small smile played at her lips and I knew she was in. "Are you serious?"

"Yep. The only hold up is we have to go in apply for the marriage license and then wait forty eight hours before we can go back to officially get married." It sounded easy, in theory I just hoped it would in deed be this easy to pull off.

"Wow. It's really that easy? What about blood test and stuff?" I was surprised she even knew about that, looks like my girl had done some research of her own in the past.

"It's not required in all states and South Carolina is one of those states that doesn't require it. All we need is our social security cards, picture ID, and our birth certificates. I ...uh, I brought all my stuff with me." I wanted her to know that I was really serious about this and came prepared.

"So all we need to do is get your stuff together and we are good to go. Do you have it all here in Florida?" I can't believe I hadn't thought of that before. I'm not sure what we would do it her documents were back in Forks.

"Yeah," She said nodding her head. "I had to have all that stuff when I registered for school here so Maria had my dad send it. I will just have to go to Maria's house and get it." She cringed slightly when she said this.

"Bella, you can tell them as much or as little as you want. I haven't actually told my family what my plans were. I mean they know that I'm here, but they didn't know I was coming to elope with you." I told her hoping to put her mind at ease. I knew we couldn't keep it a secret for long, but we could for now if it would make it easier on her.

"Well if you haven't told anyone, I will probably keep it a secret for now as well. No point in getting everyone in a uproar until it's official."

"So I ask you again, Bella Marie Swan, will you run away with me and get married?"

She didn't even have to think about it, she answered immediately "My answer is still yes. I would love nothing more than to marry you Edward. "

She leaned down molding her body to mine, placing a few chaste kisses on my lips. "I love you Edward Cullen, I can't wait to be your wife."

Her words ignited a fire within me and I suddenly needed more. I attacked her lips with a vigor I never felt before. She immediately opened up for me allowing me inside to explore. I don't think I could ever tire of this, not even after fifty years of marriage.

I teased her tongue playing a game of cat and mouse, while slowly allowing my hands to roam her body.

"Bella." I half moaned half panted. "Let's take this inside."

She didn't hesitate as she climbed off my body grabbing my hand to pull me up and leading me inside.

She walked straight to the bed and stopped beside it just starring at the king size bed with my burgundy comforter never letting go of my hand.

"Bella there are no..."

She turned abruptly and cut me off. "Just shut up and kiss me."

She didn't give me time to react before she was once again attacking my mouth. This time it was her nipping and licking at my bottom lip, teasing and taunting me. She held on to my shoulders as she slowly moved backwards. She pulled me down with her as she fell backwards on the plush bed.

Not gonna lie, it felt amazing to be laying on top of Bella, on a bed, in a private hotel room but I had to keep my focus here. "Expectations" I mumbled while sucking on the juncture between her neck and shoulder.

"What?" She moaned while gyrating her pelvis against me.

Yeah that felt good.

"Expectations." I said again while tracing my tongue down the cleavage she had showing from her shirt. "I don't have expectations about tonight, or any night until we are married, so you shouldn't feel obligated."

I slowly lifted the hem of her shirt up to just below her breast. I wasn't going to push my boundaries I just couldn't get enough of her. I was kissing, and nipping along the waist line of her shorts and just as I was dipping my tongue in her bellybutton she spoke again.

"I don't feel obligated, and I don't have expectations either." She placed her hands on the sides of my face forcing me to look up. Once I met her eyes she spoke again. "I love you Edward, I trust you fully. I really don't want to keep having this conversation, can we just go with it for a while?"

"Anything you want baby, just tell me if it gets to be too much or goes to0 far for you."

"I will." She assured me as she started unbuttoning my shirt. Something told me it wouldn't be her stopping things tonight, that I would have to be the strong one.

It didn't take her long to get my shirt unbuttoned and pulled off my shoulders. Before I knew it we had both shed our clothes and she was laid out naked in front of me. I sat back on my knees as I took her body in. It had been a long time since I had seen all of it and I wanted to take the time to appreciate it. She watched me carefully as I traced the tan lines from her bathing suit down her shoulders over her breast. It wasn't until I went lower that I found myself speechless.

"Bella." I swallowed trying to clear my throat, "You..uh...you shaved."

"Well yeah." The blush on her face was adorable. "I kinda have to, you know living at the beach, wearing bathing suites...it's kind of a necessity."

"It's fucking sexy." My voice came out high pitched and squeaky, but holy hell she looked so damn hot.

"Yeah?" She confirmed.

"Bella open your legs for me."I demanded more than asked. She didn't seem to mind though because she opened right up for me.

I wasted no time diving down and licking her. I teased her by slowly running my tongue up and down her slit, stopping every few strokes to suck on her clit. She tasted amazing, just like I remembered and I decided this would be a daily activity once we were married.

The more I licked and sucked the louder she got spurring me on even more. When I finally gave in to what I knew she wanted and slid my tongue into her opening she snapped her legs closed around my head and screamed louder than I have ever heard, causing my dick to harden even more and pre cum to leak out all over my new sheets.

She immediately moved her legs releasing my head and her hand flew to her mouth covering it. As hard as it was for me to do I removed my tongue and looked up at her. I slowly kissed my way up her body and lightly grabbed her hand with my teeth moving it away from her mouth.

I made sure I had eye contact before I spoke. "Bella, you don't have to be quiet. We're alone, I want to hear you baby. I want to hear how much you are enjoying what I am doing to you. I can feel it," I bent down to rub my lips covered in her juices across her lips. "I can feel what I'm doing to you, so let me hear it to baby."

This caused a loud moan to roll from her lips. I ran my hand down the length of her body until I was where I wanted to be. I didn't hesitate sliding my finger inside of her and she immediately responded by bucking into my hand, rubbing against my palm as I pumped my fingers in and out of her.

"I want you closer Edward, I need to feel you, all of you." Her voice came out husky and needy. I wasn't really sure what to do, but I would try just about anything for her.

I released her nipple from my lips with a loud pop as I responded."Bella you have to be very still, do you understand? You can't move or this won't work." I told her positioning my body over hers.

"Okay." she whispered.

I laid my body down on her carefully angling myself so my dick wouldn't slide inside of her, but close enough to feel good.

I supported most of my weigh on my forearms as I moved my dick up and down the outside of her pussy. Even though we weren't technically having sex, and I wasn't inside of her it still felt fucking phenomenal.

"Bella, baby you are so fucking wet. You feel so good baby. I'm not going to last long." I warned her, hating that I couldn't last longer for her.

I didn't think she had heard me over her moaning and the way she was thrashing her head. But her next words confirmed that she had indeed heard me.

"Edward please baby do it, I want to feel you, I want to be as close as possible to you. I'm ready, I promise I am ready." She pleaded.

"Fuck baby you can't say shit like that to me while we are doing this. All I can think about is burying my dick in that sweet pussy of yours."

Her nails scratched down my back as she let out a loud moan causing a tightening in my balls and I knew I was done for.

I stopped my movement trying my damnedest to hold out a little longer, at least until she got hers.

She obviously was not happy with the loss of friction, and she did the unthinkable. She broke the rules. She moved, causing my dick to angle differently. And because he knew what he wanted he lined himself up ready for me to push. I was there, right fucking there. I wouldn't even have to push, just slightly move and I would be in.

"Don't move." I told her between clenched teeth. I was summoning up all the willpower I had to move away.

"Please." She begged. "I want this with you, I want to share this experience with you."

I considered her words, I knew how badly I wanted it and I could only assume she wanted it just as badly. I moved a little and just as the tip of my dick teased her entrance I pulled up shooting my jizz all over her.

I hung my head, to embarrassed to look at her. "I'm sorry baby, I just I didn't want your first time to end as soon as I stuck it in." I chanced looking up at her and saw a huge smile on her face. "And I know it seems silly now that we are about to get married, but I really do want our first time to be as man and wife."

She let out a deep breath as she stroked my face. "It's okay, I understand." She told me still smiling. "That was amazing, intense but amazing."

"You haven't had amazing yet baby, just wait till I'm done with you." I whispered in her ear as I lay down beside her and snaked my hand back down to finish her off.

She giggled a little. "It's kind of...um...sticky down there."

I rolled my eyes and told her I didn't care. It didn't take me long to get her to her orgasm and I was hard again just watching her writhe against my fingers. I decided to ignore my hard on, figuring we had enough excitement for one day. So I cleaned us both up and moved her to the clean side of the bed, thankful that I had gotten a king size bed so we both could sleep in a cum free zone.

We quikly drifted off to sleep. It was easy for me to do with a naked Bella snuggled up close to my chest. I'm not sure how much time passed because I was sleeping quite peacefully when I kept hearing a pounding noise. I finally opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. I looked at the clock again and saw that it was three am. I closed my eyes to try and go back to sleep when the pounding sounded again.

I climbed out of bed and made sure to cover Bella up before I threw on a pair of boxers and made my way to the door ready to curse out whoever it was on the other side disturbing my sleep.

As soon as I cracked the door open and peered outside my father pushed the door open the rest of the way storming into the room.

Yeah he was pissed.

I was still trying to wake up but even my foggy mind knew this was not going to be a pleasant visit. I started to speak and he held his hand up. "I don't want to hear it Edward. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. I want you to get your shit together now. We are leaving."

"What do you mean we are leaving?" I said with as much attitude as I could muster this early in the morning. "I am not going anywhere, I'm staying right here." I told him standing my ground. I wasn't a child anymore, he needed to realize this.

"Like hell you are!" He yelled using a voice I hadn't heard in years. "This isn't a game, this is your life that you are screwing up and I won't allow it. You have your mother worried sick, you have me catching midnight flights to come find you. You aren't using your head Edward. What the hell were you thinking taking off like that?"

"I was thinking," I yelled right back at him, "That it is my fucking life to do with as I please. I was thinking that I wanted to be with the girl that I love... I was thinking that I was coming here to ask her to marry me."

"You what!" He threw his hands up in the air. "Edward you can't get married. You aren't using your head son. You have to finish school, go to college, get a fucking job then you can think about getting married."

"Would you stop yelling." I screamed back at him, the irony not lost on me. "You are going to wake Bella up!" I said pointing to the bed.

"To late, I'm already awake." Came Bella's sleepy voice.

My father looked momentarily shocked to see Bella laying in the bed but he didn't let that deter him. "Bella, this is nothing against you. I care deeply about you, the whole family does but you have to see what a huge mistake this is. Running away and getting married isn't going to fix the problems you two have had. If anything it's going to make things worse, because now you have your friends and family supporting you. Do you really think they will continue to be so supportive if you two run off and get married not even telling them. How do you think Jasper will feel about being left out and not even being able to see you get married?"

Bella didn't answer him so he turned his attention back to me. "How do you think your mother and sister will feel Edward? What about your friends? I can guarantee you they aren't going to welcome you back with open arms."

He was really starting to piss me off now. "Dad I don't care about what they think. I care about being with the girl I love, and this is the only way to do it. We tried being apart dad, and that didn't work out for either of us. I'm sorry if you can't be supportive but this is my life and this is the path I choose to take."

He wasn't having it. He raised his voice once again. "There are always other options!" He took a calming breath and continued in a more level voice. "This path that you are choosing is the wrong one. You are setting yourself and Bella up for failure. Where do you plan to live? How do you plan to pay for a house and food and bills when you don't have a job, a collage degree, or even a high school diploma?"

"I don't know dad, okay I don't fucking know. But we will figure it out together" I really didn't know the answers to those questions. I hadn't gotten that far in my plan.

"I can tell you where you are not going to live." My father huffed putting his hands on his hips. "You are not going to walk back in my house and think you are going to live there with your wife. If you are man enough to get married then you are man enough to work and provide for your wife."

"Fine." I shouted back at my father. "I haven't asked you for any help so far, I sure as hell don't plan on starting now."

He laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. "You haven't asked for my help no, but you have been using my help to get here. How do you think I found you? "

That was a good point I hadn't told anybody where I was staying. I shrugged my shoulder stating the truth. "I don't know."

"I found you because you are using my credit card to fund this little get away. So no you didn't ask for my help, you took it." He said shoving his finger in my chest.

Now I knew he was losing it. "I am using my credit card." I told him stating the obvious.

Again he laughed. "Yes it's the credit card that I gave you, that is on my account, that I pay the monthly bill for. You run off and get married and all of that stops."

Well shit. He did have a point, but still it was my life. "Dad, the money doesn't matter. I will figure it out, I'll get a job, I will take care of Bella. I love her dad." That simple statement was enough to soften him a little.

His tone was lighter when he spoke this time. "I know that you love her son, I just don't want to see you ruin your life by making a rash decision."

"It's not a rash decision," I pleaded with him to understand. "I have always known she was the one. She is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life, yes under different circumstances we would have waited to get married, but this is the hand life dealt us, so I am playing it."

I could see that he was beginning to realize how serious I was so I kept going. "I would give up everything in the world for her, even the money and my house. It hurts that I have to give up my family, I wish that things were different. I can only hope that one day you all will understand our decision" I pleaded for him to understand.

"Edward I know how passionately you feel about her, I just can't stand by and watch you throw your future away." He said while shaking his head.

It hurt to hear my father, who had always been there for me, say those words to me." I am sorry you feel that way dad, but I disagree. I feel like my future is just beginning, not ending."

"I may not like your decisions son, but you know that I will always love you." I nodded my head letting him know that I heard what he was saying. "Just so we are clear I was serious about what I said. If you follow through with your plans and get married I will not continue to financially support you."

"I understand, you have to do what you feel is right, just like I do." I told him to let him know I wasn't going to change my mind.

He stood in the doorway rubbing his hands over his face repeatedly. It was obvious that he was frustrated with me and the situation, but I wasn't backing out, no matter what.

After what felt like an eternity he finally spoke. "Look, it's late we are both obviously tired and need some time to think. I'm going to go rent a room." He took time to let his eyes wonder around my suite. "Preferably one as nice as this, and get some sleep. I'll come get you in the morning and we can go get some breakfast while we discuss this more, when we are both a little more clear headed." I could hear the desperation in his voice, and hated that I was disappointing him.

I wasn't sure how to respond but I went for the truth. "I'll happily go to breakfast with you to talk, but my mind is made up. Nothing you can say will change that."

He let out a long dramatic sigh. "Just humor me."

"Fine." I huffed in return.

"Edward I am asking you man to man not to run off before we talk. As your father I feel that I deserve at least that after all this shit you have pulled." He said using his stern voice again.

"I promise, dad." I assured him. "I said I would talk to you and I will."

"Okay, I'll come get you when I wake up." He said turning to walk out. He grabbed the knob to shut the door but turned back around.

"Edward, for the love of God please use protection, I really don't think your mother could handle a baby on top of everything else I am going to have to tell her." He mumbled just loud enough for me to hear.

Okay that was fucking awkward. He laughed at my shocked expression, and shouted "Goodnight" to Bella as he walked out the door closing it behind him.

I stood by the door for a moment then walked to the bed. It was time to do damage control.

**Reviews get you a teaser :) I am so close to reaching 1000, can't you help a sister out? So this story is close to wrapping up, and I am considering doing a sequel...but I wanted your feedback. Would you be interested in reading anout the next chapter in their life?**


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Sorry this took longer to get to you than I int****ended. I have had some RL stuff****, and had to work on finding a beta. But things are looking up and I now have a beta **

**Thank you to one of my favorite girls in the world, One Of Eddis Girls for pre- reading this, and giving me some great feedback. I truly don't know what I would do without you! And a BIG thank you to Cherry Bella, who betaed this long ass chapter and agreed to beta the sequel for me. She is great, and I appreciate her so much!**

**There is an important note at the bottom, so be sure to read it!**

Chapter 35

Bpov

Edward seemed to hesitate at the door for a few minutes after his father left. I played the conversation over again in my head, and as much as I didn't want to, I had to agree with Carlisle on a few of his points.

As much as I loved Edward and wanted a life with him, I couldn't help but feel that what we were doing was wrong. Our decisions weren't just affecting us; they were affecting those around us as well. And we were hurting the people that cared about us the most. That was never my intention.

And what about Jasper? How could I even conceive this notion to run away and get married without even telling him? He'd been my rock for so long, I just couldn't do that to him.

Carlisle made some very valid points. Where were we going to live? How would we manage to pay for housing, food, and electricity? We would obviously have to both get jobs, but how much could we really work with both of us busy with school?

Soon, Edward returned to the bed and climbed in beside me. He pulled me close wrapping me in the safe haven his arms offered.

"Bella, baby, don't let what my father said get to you. I love you, and that's all that matters. We'll figure the rest out as we go." While his words were comforting I still wasn't a hundred percent sure we were making the right decision.

Not wanting to let Edward think I doubted him I just nodded my head and whispered a faint "okay."

He kissed the back of my head telling me that he loved me before lying down on his pillow and drifting back off to sleep.

I, on the other hand, couldn't seem to find sleep. I was so overly exhausted after my long day that you would think I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes open. But on the contrary, I just couldn't turn my brain off long enough to fall asleep.

I spent the rest of the night running different scenarios through my head trying to come up with another option. Not that I was backing out of our plan, it would just be nice to have a plan B.

Finally the sun came up and I knew I couldn't lie in bed any longer. I was restless and needed to just get out for a while. So I wrote Edward a note letting him know I was going out for a walk on the beach and I would be back soon.

I threw on a pair of shorts and a tank top that I had packed, and headed out of the hotel.

Once I made it to the sandy beach I did feel better. There was something about the early morning and the salty air along with the waves crashing that helped to lift my spirits. I still hadn't come up with another solution but still, at least, I felt a little better, not quite so trapped like I'd felt in the hotel room.

I walked along the beach for a while, heck, it could have only been ten minutes I wasn't really keeping track of time, but it felt like a while anyway, trying to just clear my head of all the clutter.

There had to be another way, I just had to figure it out. As the morning wore on I hadn't really come up with anything so I decided to head back to the hotel. I didn't want to worry Edward nor did I want to keep his father waiting.

Once I made it to the elevator I realized just how sticky and sandy I was, and knew I would need to take a quick shower before meeting Carlisle for breakfast.

I slid my key in the door and opened it as quietly as possible just in case Edward was asleep. As I entered the room I was shocked to see it still dark, no lights or TV on but Edward was not in bed either.

I looked over to see light peeking through the blinds that led to the balcony, there I saw him, standing with his arms leaning against the rail.

I debated whether to bother him or not, I mean he could need some alone time to think like I did, but I also wanted to let him know that I returned so he wouldn't worry. After watching him for a few minutes I decided to just let him know that I was back and then hop in the shower.

I carefully walked to the sliding door and slid it open just enough for me to stick my head out. "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I'm back." I tried to say in a chipper voice.

He turned to face me and didn't seem surprised by my voice. Maybe I hadn't been as quiet as I thought when I came back in the room.

His face seemed expressionless and that worried me. "Are you okay? Did you see the note I left?" I asked, hoping I hadn't caused him any stress.

"Yeah I got it." He half smiled. "Did you have a nice time at the beach?"

"I did." I tried to give him a reassuring smile. "The beach is probably my favorite place on earth, the sights, the sounds... It's just so soothing," I explained, hoping he wasn't upset that I'd gone out without him. He was acting strange and I couldn't read his emotions.

"Good, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

"Edward, what's going on? Is everything alright?" I tried to keep the worry out of my voice, but it was hard. What if he regretted coming here? What if he was second guessing his proposal?

"I'm fine, everything's fine," he said the words, but his tone let me know that everything was not fine.

"Edward, please talk to me, what's going through your mind?" I pleaded, not really sure if I wanted to hear his honest answer or not.

"Bella, I'm fine really, it's just that I know you're freaking out and I don't know how to reassure you. I don't have the answers to give you, baby." I could tell that it pained him to tell me this and I hated that I was the reason for his sour mood.

I knew I needed to talk to Edward about my fears and it seemed that it was now or never.

"I am freaking out a bit," I confirmed for him. "But I promise it's not about how I feel about you. Edward I love you with every fiber of my being. If we could live on love alone I wouldn't even question it. But we can't. We have to have jobs, and a house, and food and electricity and clothes and we both still have to finish school. How are we going to do all of that?" I wish that we didn't have to take all of these things into consideration, but this is real life and these things are important.

He stalled for a moment before he answered. "I don't know."

"And not to mention we're pushing all of our family and friends away. I hate that you have to choose between me and your family, it just doesn't seem right," I told him while making my way to the rail to stand beside him.

He waited for me to make eye contact before he spoke. "Bella, I promise it's you, I will always choose you," His words tugged on my heart, and I hated that things couldn't be easier for us.

I placed my hand in his, hoping the contact would help us both. "But you shouldn't have to." I reiterated. "You should be able to have both me and your family. And who's to say that in five years you don't change your mind and resent me for tearing your family apart?" My voice trailed with the last words.

"That's just absurd," he scoffed. "I could never resent you. This was all my idea; I'm the one that came here begging you for the second chance and asked you to marry me. I made that decision to choose you over my friends and family so I won't have any one to blame for that decision but myself." I knew he truly believed the words he was saying, but there was no way for him to know how he would feel in five years.

"It's just... I do want to marry you," I hesitated. "When I envision my future you are it. We have the little house and the kids and the dog, I want all of that with you, I promise that's not what I'm questioning. I just wonder if we are going about it the wrong way to get our future." I tried to explain the best way I knew how.

"What other choice do we have Bella?" He threw his hands up in frustration, then took a deep breath before he spoke again. "I can't live without you. I'm not going back to live in Forks without you, I just can't. I don't see any other way for us to be together unless we get married. I can't promise that it's going to be easy because I'm sure it's not. But I can promise that even if we are living in a card board box in an ally somewhere that I will love you." He paused for a minute as his words really sank in. "Is that enough for you Bella? To know that I will always be there for you, to love and cherish you, even if we never have anything else?" I couldn't help the watering in my eyes as he said this. To know that he loved me unconditionally, even enough to walk away from his family was a true testament to how strong his feelings truly were for me.

"Edward you know that I don't care about the material things. I can live in a cardboard box with you for the rest of my life and be happy," I told him honestly. "What I can't live with is knowing that I tore your family apart. Believe me, I know from experience how hard it is to have your parents turn their back on you, and I would never put you in that situation. So if we can get your parents to at least understand why we are doing what we are doing then I'm still in."

He cut me off before I could continue. "They understand Bella, they don't like it, but they understand. Trust me, they'll come around." He smiled at me and I knew that he really believed this was the case. I just wish I could be that sure.

"Speaking of, has your father called for breakfast yet?" I asked as my stomach rumbled.

"Nah, he's probably still sleeping, he had a late night." Edward chuckled followed by an eye roll.

"Okay, well, I'm going to hop in the shower and wash some of this sand off. Let me know if he calls."

I grabbed a towel and went straight for the shower turning it on and waiting for the room to fill with steam before I got in. I took my time enjoying the steady stream of warm water. After all, who knew when my next hot shower would be after this?

Once I emerged from the shower feeling clean and re-freshed I was startled to see Edward setting out food on our small hotel table.

"What's this?" I asked a bit confused. I was pretty sure we were meeting his father for breakfast.

"My dad called as soon as you got in the shower. He said he needed a few more hours of sleep and a shower before he could meet with us so he asked to change our plans to dinner instead," Edward replied with a shrug of indifference.

"Oh." Was my intelligent reply.

"He said to just call the front desk and tell them we would be staying another night and to add it to his bill." Edward shrugged his shoulder as a small smile played on his lips. "I'm certainly not gonna argue with a free room for another night, so I told him that was fine then ordered us some room service."

"Works for me." At least I knew I would have one more night in a comfortable bed and another warm shower before I was thrown out into the unknown. "What did you order? I'm starving," I said just as my stomach rumbled once again.

"I wasn't sure what you would want so I got a little bit of everything. Some eggs, bacon, French toast, fruit, croissant, a few muffins…" he continued, looking at the mountain of food on the table as he named off things and I couldn't suppress my giggle.

"What?" he asked, looking quite amused himself.

"Nothing, I was just thinking that you probably added this to your dad's bill as well."

"I did no such thing," he said, giving me a funny look then his signature smirk. "I put it on my credit card."

This time I did laugh. "You are so bad!"

"Hmm, well maybe I like being your bad boy," he said seductively as he slowly made his way towards me.

I knew that look in his eye so I held on a little tighter to my towel. Not that I had any objections to anything he may want to do, but I thought it might be fun to play a little hard to get. "So does my bad boy deserve a spanking?" I'm not quite sure how I managed to keep a straight face while asking him that, but I did.

It obviously shocked him as well because he stopped dead in his tracks. "I think if anyone is going to be doing any spanking, it will be me. Do you want to be my bad girl, Bella?" He apparently knew how to play this game, and win. I was obviously beaten because I had nothing else to offer, but I was enjoying this game too much to end it now.

"So just what exactly would your bad girl need to do to deserve a spanking?" I asked as seductively as I possibly could while closing the gap between us to stand in front of him.

"Fuck," he whispered as he ran his fingers along my collar bone and moved my wet hair behind my shoulder. "You always surprise me." And then his lips were on mine. The kiss was searing and passionate. I couldn't seem to get enough of him so I put the game behind us and forgot about my towel as I ran my fingers over his back, up his neck and finally tangled them into his hair.

He moaned into my mouth just as I felt my towel drop. He brought his skilled hands up to cup my breast and lightly pinched my nipple causing it to pebble between his thumb and forefinger.

I allowed my left hand to leave the sanctuary of his hair as I slowly trailed it over his muscular chest and dipped it into his boxers. As soon as my hand wrapped around his dick he released my lips and put his forehead on mine. His hands never faltered from their movement on my breast but I could tell he was distracted by what I was doing so I released his dick and moved my hand down a little further down to lightly squeeze his balls. "Shit, Bella, that feels so fucking good baby."

Happy with my success and feeling like I now had the upper hand in the game I released his balls, removed my hand from his pants, kissed his chin, then bent down to pick up my towel before waking to the table. "Aren't you going to join me?" I asked as I started piling food on my plate.

Edward stood in the same spot I'd left him, rubbing his hand over the prominent erection in his pants. "Bella, that was… I don't really know what that was, but I know it was mean." He pouted and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Was it bad?" I asked, teasing him a little, causing his lip to pucker out even more. "Is that what your bad girl would do?"

Catching on to my little game he got an evil gleam in his eye. "Game on, Swan." And I suddenly knew this would be the longest day ever.

The rest of the day wasn't as eventful as our morning activities had been, but it was still fun. I was realizing anything I did with Edward was exciting. After our breakfast, we rented a movie from the movie channel and cuddled on the bed as we watched it. The two hours were spent with gentle touches and stolen kisses as we lounged around.

After the movie, we were both feeling a little cooped up so we decided to go down to the beach. I mean we might as well enjoy it while we could. Edward had the bright idea to rent a surf board and attempt to surf. I didn't have the heart to tell him, that it was just a tourist trap and we didn't really have surf worthy waves here. Still it was fun to watch him try and we spent most of the afternoon floating along on the surfboard just talking. He would occasionally untie my bathing suit causing me to scramble to keep it up so none of my goodies popped out, but other than that he was a true gentleman.

After we were thoroughly exhausted from the beach we headed back to the hotel where we both crashed on the bed taking a well-deserved nap. This time, I slept peacefully and soundly wrapped in Edwards arms. The worries were still there, but I guess knowing that we would face them together and always be there for each other made them a little easier to digest.

I was the first one to wake up and see that it was already five o'clock. We only had thirty minutes to shower dress and be downstairs to meet his father. I woke Edward up in a panic and we decided it would be best to just shower together to save time. Since we were so pushed for time we didn't even attempt any funny business in the shower. Okay maybe a little, but not enough to count.

I didn't have many clothes with me so I had to wear one of the shorts and tank tops I had packed and just hope that his father wasn't taking us to a super fancy restaurant.

I was blow drying my hair when I heard the phone ring. I looked at the clock on the nightstand and saw that it was twenty-eight minutes past five. Yep we were going to be late.

Not having much time left, I brushed my hair out as best I could and pulled it in a ponytail, then quickly applied some lip gloss and mascara. I slid my flip flops on just as Edward was tying his sneakers. I tried to convince him to get a pair of flip flops but he said they looked too gay and he just couldn't do it.

"Who called?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.

"That was dad, he said he was running late too so just to meet him at the restaurant, he already made reservations." He answered, while still working on his shoes.

"Oh, did he say what restaurant?" I asked, wondering why he was being so secretive.

"Yes, smart ass, he said it was the Outback down the strip, whatever the hell that means." He emphasized his statement with a shrug letting me know he really had no idea what the strip was.

"I know where that is, it's not that far if you just want to walk," I suggested.

He looked at me like I'd had gone crazy. "In this heat? Hell no, we can take the bike."

I couldn't hold in my giggle. That was so like him to not want to break a sweat. I didn't complain. I just followed him out of the room and to the parking lot where I climbed on the back of his bike.

Like I had told him, it didn't take us long at all to make it to the restaurant on the strip. It honestly took us longer to find a parking spot than it took for us to get there.

We finally made it into the restaurant and were greeted by a server. "Reservation for Cullen," Edward told him as he linked his hand with mine. It was go time, this meal would decide our future. I had meant what I said earlier and if we couldn't get his father to at least understand why we were doing this then I wouldn't see it through. I couldn't, with good conscious tear Edward's family apart. I loved him too much.

The waiter checked the diagram he had written on a tablet then motioned for us to follow. "Right this way."

We followed behind the waiter hand in hand. I wasn't sure what to expect once we met with his father but I decided as long as we appeared to be a united front things might go smoother.

The waiter soon stopped in front of us then moved to the side so we could see the table reserved for us. Imagine my surprise when I looked up to see not only Mr. Cullen, but Mrs. Cullen as well as the Webbers sitting at the table waiting patiently for us.

I'm sure Edward was just as shocked as I was because neither of us spoke. We just looked at the adults in complete surprise.

Esme was the first to break the silence when she jumped up and rushed over to Edward pulling him in a tight hug. "Oh my God, my baby! I was so worried about you, I missed you so much!"

Edward finally responded by dropping my hand and returning his mother's hug. "I missed you too mom. I'm sorry, I never meant to make you worry I just…" I could tell he was getting choked up but he continued anyway. "I had to come to her. She's my soul mate, we had to be together."

Esme loosened her hold on him as she discretely wiped away a stray tear that had fallen. She quickly got herself under control then grabbed both of his shoulders and got right in his face to speak. "Edward Anthony Cullen, what in the hell were you thinking? Making me worry about you like that. Have you lost your mind? I know that I," she paused and looked over to her husband who's mouth was hanging slightly open. "That we raised you better than this."

Esme released her hold on Edward and he immediately began rubbing the spot his mother had just been holding. He opened his mouth a few times trying to say something, but no words seemed to form.

Esme continued to take control of the situation. "Now both of you, sit down so we can figure out a solution that will work for everyone."

Edward nodded and moved around his mother to pull out a chair for me. Just as I was going to sit down Esme stopped me and pulled me into a hug. It felt good to have the comfort of a mother's arms wrapped around me but I couldn't help tensing up just in case she decided I needed a good smack or something. She, of course, didn't lay a hand on me; she just hugged me and told me how good it was to see me even if it was under these circumstances. I had to wonder if she had remembered to take her hormones this morning because she was like Jackal and Hyde with her split personalities today.

Finally, Esme released me and went to her seat beside Carlisle while I sat in the chair Edward pulled out for me.

The silence that followed was awkward and I couldn't help but wish this would be over quickly.

Carlisle was the first to speak. He cleared his throat then began. "As you can see, I called in some re-enforcements for the situation. I thought it might be beneficial if you kids could hear several different points of view. Trust me we have all been where you are, young and in love feeling like nothing else matters but being with that person."

Edward quickly cut him off. "So wait, is this like…like an intervention or something?"

Esme quickly placed her hand over Edwards. "Honey, please, just listen to what we have to say. In the end, the decision is yours, we just want you to understand what you're really getting yourself into. Marriage is a big step, and I honestly don't think either of you are ready for it yet."

"What?" Edward exclaimed snatching his hand away from his mother. "What do you mean we aren't ready? I love her more than anything else in this world, that's all that matters."

"You're wrong," Carlisle jumped in. "We have no doubt that you two love each other very much, we're not here to dispute that fact. What we are trying to say is that love isn't enough. It's not enough to pay for a house, or a car, or food, or medical bills. Do you really think that if you call the electric company and say you don't have enough money to pay them but you have a lot of love that they still won't turn off your power?"

Edward huffed exasperated. "You know that's not what I mean. I know we have to have money too, and I'll get a job to pay the bills."

"And just who do you think is going to hire you son?" Carlisle interjected. "With no college degree and no high school diploma how much money do you really think you will be able to make?" He waited but Edward didn't answer so he continued. "Not enough to pay all of your bills and live comfortably, that's for sure. Bella will have to get a dead end job making minimum wage just like you so that you can just barely make ends meet, and even with both of you working there's no guarantee there will be enough money."

"And what about children?" Maria added as an afterthought. "What happens when you become pregnant and then you have another mouth to feed and more medical bills?"

"Edward and I already talked about that." I assured her. "We are definitely waiting on the baby thing."

"You say that now, but what if you change your mind? Or what if it happens unplanned? These are things you have to prepare for," Maria said softly, looking right at me.

"Listen." Carlisle softened his voice and began speaking to us instead of preaching at us. "We're not saying we don't want you to get married. Bella, we love you and would welcome you with open arms into our family. We are saying there is no need to rush into it. Finish school, go to college and then get married. That way you are both older and more mature and more financially capable of making it as a married couple."

We were momentarily stalled in our conversation as the waiter came by to take our order. Once we all placed our order and the waiter left, Edward picked up right where Carlisle left off.

"I understand what you're saying, dad, I really do but here's the thing. If we don't get married, we don't get to be together. We live thousands of miles apart, and that's just not doable. I would rather struggle the rest of my life with Bella by my side than have to live one more day without her."

I knew Edward meant every word he was saying and that made me fall even more in love with him. The fact that he would give up everything for me was astounding, still I didn't think it was fair to him.

"If you have another solution we are willing to listen," I said in a small voice. All eyes turned to face me but I was only concerned with one set.

I looked straight into Edward's eyes and prayed he would understand. "I'm not saying I don't want to marry you because I do. You know I do. I'm just saying if there was another solution that would make it easier on everyone then we should at least listen."

"Fine," Edward huffed and looked back to the adults sitting at the table. "What options do you have? Because we're not going to live apart."

"No one is asking you to," Esme said as she visibly relaxed into her seat.

"One option your mother and I agreed on is for Bella to come back to Forks and live with us," Carlisle said placing his hand over Esme's on the table. "You know you will be more than welcome, and we will help you with whatever you need. I'm sure Alice could have the guest room set up for you by the time we get back. You can get enrolled back in school, or if that will be too difficult you can finish out with home school."

"What my husband is trying to say," Esme interrupted. "Is that we can make it work. Whatever adjustments we need to make we can."

"So let me get this straight," Edward announced between clenched teeth. "So it's fine with you if we want to shack up, Bella can just live with us no big deal. But if we were to get married and make everything legal then it's a different story and you wouldn't be willing to help us."

"That's not exactly what I mean." Esme was starting to sound desperate again.

We were interrupted as the waiter brought our drinks and appetizers to the table but as soon as he was a safe distance away, I decided to put in my opinion.

"It doesn't matter anyway," I said to Edward as I linked my hand in his. "I can't go back there." I looked to Esme and Carlisle giving them my full attention. "I appreciate the offer, I really, really do, and I know that you are only trying to help but I can't go back there. I can't be around my father with the way things are right now, and if he knew that I moved in with you, which he would because it is such a small town, then it would only further prove his point of what a harlot I am."

Nobody spoke for a few minutes and I could see it on all of their faces. They felt like they had lost the battle. The silence continued as everyone nibbled on the appetizer and slowly drank their drinks. By the time the food finally arrived, I had begun to wonder if anyone would ever speak again.

"This is absolutely crazy!" Esme threw her napkin down on the table. "Carlisle, we tried it your way and it's just not working. I am not going to lose my son over something as trivial as this." Carlisle let out a sigh and rubbed his hands over his face but Esme continued. "Bella dear, we love you like family already, and I couldn't be happier that my son found someone as amazing as you that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I can't say it's going to be easy for you two because it won't be, but I will be here for you with anything you need. Please, just please promise me you won't run away and get married and not keep in touch. I want to be a part of this in your life. Please let me be included," she begged as a tear slipped down her cheek. She was absolutely breaking my heart.

"I have an idea," Maria interjected as she looked to her husband and he gave a slight nod. "First let me ask you both a few questions."

"Do you both want to get married?" Edward and I both nodded our heads. It had never been a question of whether or not we wanted to get married: of course we did, the problem was when to get married and right now it felt as though we were being pushed into it because there just were no other options.

"So you both want to get married, but you don't mind waiting a little longer, at least till you are both out of school?" Maria edged.

Edward considered this before he spoke. "I love Bella, and I would rather marry her sooner than later but ideally, we would both be at least graduated and I would have a decent job before we got married, but like I told my dad last night, these are the cards we have been dealt and we are going to play them."

"So what if you postpone the marriage, for just a while. At least until you have both graduated high school, and Edward could stay with us until then." Maria looked to her husband who seemed to contemplate this for a few minutes before he finally agreed.

"I don't know about the shacking up part," Maria proceeded "Because you will have separate rooms and you will both have house rules to abide by, but at least, you will be together and it will give you a little more time to plan the wedding I'm sure you both really want with your friends and family there. I am in no way condoning lying to your father, Bella, but given the situation I think it would be best to not tell him about the situation right now."

Edward looked at me then asked if we could have a few minutes alone to discuss it. Everyone agreed so we stepped outside to have some privacy. He asked me if this plan worked for me and it did. This would allow Edward and I to be together, we could both finish school, then plan the wedding of our dreams where everyone that we cared about could be invited.

Edward agreed that this was an ideal solution as long as we still stayed engaged. He said he meant what he said to me yesterday and he really did want to marry me, though it would be easier on both of us if we waited until we were a little more established. I agreed that we would stay engaged and we would go sometime soon to pick out my real engagement ring so everyone would know my heart was spoken for.

We walked back to the table hand in hand this time with a little more bounce in our step.

We spent the rest of the dinner hashing out plans. I could tell that Esme wasn't thrilled that her son would be moving so far away but I guess in the end it was better than him running off and getting married and her not knowing where he was or if he was safe.

Maria said Edward would have to enroll in school here, get a part time job, and help out with the chores at home. He was to stay in his own bedroom and anytime we were in each other's room the door had to be left open. He quickly agreed and it seemed things were indeed beginning to look up for us.

Esme suggested that we split up the holidays, they would come down here for Thanksgiving and we would go to Forks for Christmas and so on. We agreed, although I knew it would be hard to go back there, and be in the same area as my father but I knew I needed to do it for Edwards's sake.

The transition of Edwards move was a bit awkward. Angela didn't seem to mind it in the least, she was just happy that I was happy. She did proceed to tell me how crazy I was for our plan to run away and get married though. Aaron, well Aaron was a different story. He was none too thrilled that Edward was going to be living in his home and he had no problem expressing this often and loudly. Edward tried not to let it show that it bothered him, but it was obvious that it was an awkward situation for him.

Edward went back to Forks the following weekend to tell all of his friends about what was going on and to bring back some of his stuff. This time he opted to fly instead of drive his bike that far though. He asked me to come with him, telling me everyone would be thrilled to see me. But I thought he should use that time for himself. To spend quality time with his family and friends, plus I wasn't ready to be around my father. However, I had written Jasper a very long detailed letter and asked Edward to please give it to him for me. I wanted Jasper to know what all had been going on with me and he rarely answered his phone for me anymore.

Esme sent several boxes of Edward's things for him that he wasn't able to bring back on the plane, and she called him daily, without fail.

He decided not to enroll in school since the school year had already started. He said he would rather do classes online and be able to work more. He found himself a job in construction and I must say he worked a lot of hard hours but he was getting huge muscles and a nice tan because of it.

I stayed on at my job at Pizza Palace part time, and we put all of our money together in a joint savings account, so that we could have enough to get married and get a place of our own as soon as I graduated.

It took a few weeks but we were finally getting a routine down. I was thrilled to have Edward here and although it was a huge transition he seemed happy as well. We spent as much time together as possible working around both of our schedules. I did his laundry for him and made sure to pack him a lunch every day.

We made a point to go out on dates on the weekends, whether it be a movie or just to the strip to hang out. It was one of those things Edward didn't want me to miss out on, so I would get dressed up and he would go outside and ring the doorbell, like we didn't live together, and he would hand me flowers or some candy and we would go out. Overall, I felt that we'd made the best decision for us.

We began planning the details of our wedding but the one thing we couldn't decide was where to actually get married. We had picked our date, I would turn eighteen on August thirteenth so we decided to have the ceremony at the end of August. That way we would both be legal.

Things were going so well, I should have known something would happen to disrupt our peacefulness. Because that is just the story of my life.

It was about two months after Edward moved in when it happened. I walked into the house from work, happy the day was finally over. Not that my work was incredibly hard, and I did enjoy it, I just missed Edward so much when we were apart. As I made my way to the kitchen, I found it a little odd that everyone was just standing around, not talking. They all seemed to have a strange expression on their face and it was just eerily silent.

I looked from face to face thinking someone would fill me in on what was going on, but no one offered any information. Finally, as I turned to Edward, I noticed that he had his cell phone pressed to his ear. His eyes met mine, and I just knew something was wrong.

Finally he cleared his throat and told whoever was on the other line that he would call them back. He closed his phone and stood planted in place for a moment.

Not able to take the strangeness of the situation any longer, I put my purse down on the counter. "What's going on guys?"

Edward seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in and began walking slowly towards me. "Bella, baby." He cleared his throat once more as he reached for my hands placing both of mine in one of his large calloused hands. "There's been an accident."

"What? What kind of accident?" I asked suddenly feeling my stomach churn.

"It's you father," Edward stalled, seeming to try and find the right words. "He was in a car accident. It's…. it doesn't look good baby."

**Did you like it? Hope it answered some of your questions. Please leave me a review;) It's looking like 2 chaps left. I had only planned on 1 more but it is already so long I am gonna slpit it in 2.**

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	36. Chapter 36

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight…but I do own this plot so please don't steal it…it's not nice! **___

_**This chapter was pre-read by the beautiful and talented OneOfEddiesGirls….and was betaed by the wonderful Cherry Bella. Thank both of you ladies very much! I don't know where I would be without you!**_

_**Sorry this took so long….I could give you a ton of reasons about RL and how I am now homeschooling, and my son is in Football every day, and Life has been CRAZY…And how I got some negative feedback from the last chap that really hurt my feelings and I just didn't have the motivation to write this story anymore…and it would all be true, but you really wouldn't care lol..and you just want to read the darn chapter anyway…so enjoy!**_

Chapter 36

Bella

It felt as though the breath had been knocked out of me. I stood planted in place waiting for someone to say something, to tell me that this was just a cruel joke.

But that didn't happen.

Edward moved closer and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Are you okay? Bella talk to me baby."

"Wha...what happened?" I finally managed to squeak out.

Edward kept eye contact as he slowly began to speak. "I don't have all the details baby, all I know is that your father was hit by another driver who ran a stop sign. He was entrapped in the car and had to be cut out with the Jaws of Life. He was flown to the hospital, and is in a critical condition."

He paused; I'm sure waiting for my reaction only I didn't know how to react. My father had made it perfectly clear that he either didn't love me or just didn't care about me, either way he didn't want me in his life. Still it hurt to know that he was in pain, that this horrible thing had happened to him and that I may possibly lose him forever.

"That was my dad on the phone," Edward continued. "He just heard about it and is going to the hospital to find out more information. He said he would call us as soon as he knows more."

I nodded my head, still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my father was hurt and in the hospital.

"Also." Edward hedged causing me to focus my attention back on him. "My dad said they haven't been able to locate Jasper to tell him. He asked if you may know where he would be."

I slowly shook my head, how on earth would I know where Jasper was? We lived hundreds of miles apart and barley even spoke these days.

I felt like I was in a trance. I probably should have been doing something I just wasn't sure what. What do you do when your father, who has made it perfectly clear that he wants nothing to do with you, is laying in a hospital bed alone?

Maria walked to my side and placed her hand on my arm. "Sweetie, are you okay? Do you need to talk about it?"

I studied her face for a long while trying to make all of the thought swarming around in my head make some kind of sense.

"No." I finally told her calmly. "Thank you, but I don't think I need to talk about it."

I slowly grabbed my purse from the counter and made my way to my room. I shut the door needing some time to myself to figure things out. I climbed on my bed and just laid there. I thought of my childhood before my mother had died. How happy our little family had been. There was love there, it may have been a long time ago, but there was love. I thought of my teen years after she had passed. There were a lot of unhappy times, and though it was hard to remember it I did feel like my father loved me. He may not have shown it to me the way I wanted or needed to be shown, but I had to believe he loved me, that he still did even if he wouldn't admit it to me or himself.

After some time organizing my thought I knew what I had to do. He may not want me around but I had to go see him. I would never forgive myself if ,God forbid, he didn't make it and I hadn't at least attempted one last time to rectify our relationship.

I jumped up from my bed and flug my door open hollering down the hall for Edward and Maria. I went to my closet and pulled out my suitcase and began throwing clothes in it as I tried to think of everything I would need.

Edward was the first to rush into my room. "What is it baby? Are you alright?" I could hear the concern in his voice and as soon as I turned to look at him I saw the confusion written across his face.

Maria quickly walked in behind Edward and sat down on my bed. She looked carefully at my half hazard attempt to pack my clothes and asked, "What are you doing sweetie?"

"I'm going to Forks of course." I told her because that was the only logical thing I could think to do. "I know he said he doesn't want me anymore but …." I stalled trying to find a way to put what I was feeling into words. "That's my Daddy lying in that hospital all alone. He needs me. That's what family does; we are there for one another when we need it."

Maria looked a bit skeptical. "Are you sure you can handle this sweet heart?"

I shrugged my shoulder. "I have to. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to him in his time of need, and I didn't at least try to be there for him."

"Okay." Maria said, shaking her head, "Do you need me to go with you?"

I thought about this for a moment. While it would be nice to have her support, I felt like it was something I needed to do on my own. "No, I think I can handle it." I told her in a small voice.

"Well, you know you can call me if you need anything and I will be on the next flight out there." She said while reaching out to give me a hug. "You are so strong Bella, I am so proud of the woman you have become."

I said a muffled thank you as I hugged her back.

"Well, I'm going with you, no arguments." Edward said still standing by the door.

I gave him a small smile. "Thank you; now go pack your clothes!"

He rolled his eyes but left my room to go get his things together. Maria dumped my clothes out of my suitcase and started re-folding them to put them in properly. She told me to go check on flights and see what I could get for Edward and me while she finished packing. I did as she asked and got us on the next flight out which was leaving in three hours. Edward called his parents back to let them know that we were coming and to make sure someone would be at the airport to pick us up.

This flight was much different than the last flight I had taken. Sure I was a ball of nerves not knowing what to expect once I finally got to my father, but it was nice to have Edward by my side holding my hand and offering me comforting words of affection.

The flight didn't take too terribly long and as soon as we landed and got our luggage we found Alice waiting at the pickup area for us. I rushed into the car only stopping long enough to give her a quick hug.

"Have you been able to get in touch with Jasper yet?" I asked as I dug through my purse to find my cell so I could turn it back on.

Alice hesitated and I quickly glanced at her and saw she had a worried expression. "No, we have tried several times to call him, but his cell must be off because it goes straight to voice mail every time. I even tried calling James's phone to get him, but I didn't get an answer there either."

Now I was confused. "Why on earth would you call James looking for Jasper?"

Alice took a deep breath before answering. "They are just usually together these days."

That wasn't the answer I had expected and from the way Alice had said it I assumed she wasn't very happy about it.

"Where do you want to go first? My house or the hospital?" Alice asked changing the subject.

"The hospital." I said with certainty. I needed to see my father for myself, I needed to see that he would be okay. "Edward can you go look for Jasper while I check on my father?"

He seemed shocked by my question. "Sure, if that's what you want. But are you sure you want to do this alone, Bella?"

Was I sure? _No_. But I was going to do it anyway. "I'll be fine, I just want to make sure Jasper knows what's going on and that we are back in town."

"Okay, if you're positive." He checked once again. I said a faint yes while I closed my eyes saying a quick prayer asking for strength, and praying that my dad would be alright. Even though we had our differences, I couldn't imagine losing him forever.

It didn't take us to terribly long to get to the hospital and once Alice pulled up to the drop off door I knew it was now or never. I took a deep cleansing breath trying to get all of my nervous energy out.

Edward got out first and opened my door for me then pulled me into his arms for a hug."I'll get Alice to run me by the house and I'll drop our stuff off and get my truck to go look for Jasper, but I'll have my cell on me the whole time so just call if you need me for anything."

"I will." I assured him. I gave him a quick kiss then turned to head in through the huge glass doors of the hospital.

It took me a while to find someone that could help me locate my father. Once I was directed to the correct floor I was told he was in surgery, and that I could wait in the waiting area and a doctor would be out soon to let me know of his condition.

I walked to the waiting room feeling a bit defeated. I had come all this way and still didn't know anything more than I knew in Florida. There wasn't much I could do except wait and hope and pray everything would work out.

Once I made it to the waiting room I was shocked to see Mr. and Mrs. Cullen there as well. I suppose the shock showed because Esme immediately came to give me a tight hug and told me that they would be here for me as long as I needed them.

We spent the next hour in the waiting room chatting and catching up but I was getting concerned as to why no one had come to let me know how my father was doing. Carlisle said he would go check with the nurse again. It didn't take him long to return with some coffee and tell us that there were no new updates as of yet.

A while later Edward walked into the waiting room and I could immediately tell something was wrong. "Where's Jasper?" I asked as I stood to go to him. Edward gave me a quick kiss before pointing his thumb behind him. He walked over to give his parents a hug and thank them for staying with me just as Jasper walked into the room.

He stopped just as he made it in the doorway and he just stood there and stared at me. There was nothing I could do but stare back at him in complete shock. He had lost a lot of weight, so much so that his face had hallowed to the point his cheek bones poked out. His hair was long and greasy, definitely in need of a cut. His eyes were glassy and he had huge dark bags under them. His clothes all crumpled and dirty looking were just hanging off of his body. This was not the Jasper that I had left almost five months ago.

Before I could ask him what had happened to him the doctor came in and asked to speak with me privately. I gave a quick glance to Edward and his parents and hugged Jasper hating the way he felt so frail before following the doctor out of the room and down the hall.

He stopped outside of a door and explained that since I was the only blood relative I would be the only one allowed into the ICU room, but once my father was moved to a recovery room then other visitors would be allowed.

He said my father had sustained a lot of injuries, and lost a lot of blood. He had a broken leg, three broken ribs and a punctured lung. There had been internal bleeding but they were able to get it under control. He said my father was still unconscious but that I could at least see him for a little while. He told me he wasn't out of the woods yet, that the next few days were critical, but he had high hopes that he would make a full recovery.

I walked into my father's room and was not prepared for what I saw. He was covered in scrapes and bruises, he had a tube shoved down his throat and specks of dried blood the nurses hadn't cleaned off yet. He looked so small and helpless, not the strong powerful man I was used to seeing.

I slowly walked to his bed, and placed my hand over his, careful not to disturb and of the needles or tubes attached to him. "Daddy." I said though I knew he couldn't hear me. "I'm here now Daddy. You have to get better for me because I need you. I need you to forgive me like I forgave you so we can be a family again. I need us to be a family Daddy, you and Jasper are all I have left, and I...I need you."

It was at that point that the severity of the situation hit me and I lost it. I cried like I have never cried before. I cried for the loss of my mother realizing I lost my father at the same time. I cried for the horrible relationship I had with my only parent left. I cried for everything my father had missed out in my life for these past months. I cried for the frail beaten down man that lay in the hospital bed. I just cried.

The doctor came back in and told me I needed to let my father rest. He said I could check back in on him tomorrow and to leave my contact information at the nurses' station so if there were any changes in his status they could let me know.

I tried to pull myself together, though that was easier said than done, as I told my father goodbye. I told him I would be back first thing in the morning and I asked him to please be strong and pull through for me.

I met everyone back in the waiting room and told them what I knew. They all hugged me and said they were there if I needed them, but at that moment I just wanted out of the hospital. If I couldn't be with my father I didn't want to be there. I hated hospitals; they reminded me of all the times my Mom had been in them when she was sick.

We left and headed back to the Cullens house. Esme said they had put new sheets on the bed in the guest room for me, but Edward was quick to let her know I would be staying in his room with him. They didn't even bother arguing, I guess they assumed we had already stayed in a hotel together and we lived together so if we were going to do something we would have already done it.

Jasper also came back to the Cullen's with us and I couldn't wait to get caught up with him. Edward, Jasper and I all walked back to the game room where Alice was on the couch watching a movie. She quickly stood and asked me about my father, after I filled her in on his status she left saying she had some errands to run. I found it extremely odd that neither she nor Jasper made any attempt to speak to each other.

Edward, sensing that Jasper and I had some catching up to do, gave me a quick kiss and asked once more if I was alright. I assured him that I would be once I knew my father was okay. He gave me a final kiss and left Jasper and I alone saying he was going to find Emmett and Jake to hang out with them for a while.

Once Jasper and I were alone it was awkward. He had made himself comfortable on the couch and was just staring at the TV, seeming to be in another world. I sat down beside him trying to figure out what had happened to him while I had been gone.

"I have missed you so much." I told him. That seemed like a good place to start.

"I missed you too, little cousin," he replied. "So what have you been up to?"

"Just the same old stuff. School, work, planning the wedding." I told him wondering why our conversation felt so forced. It never used to be like this.

"Yeah, congratulations on that." He said finally making eye contact.

"Thanks, I'm pretty excited we just can't seem to decide where we want to have the ceremony." I hedged thinking he may want to ask me some questions about the wedding. When he didn't say anything I thought I would change the subject. "So what have you been doing without me here? How are you and Alice these days?"

He let out a sigh as he sat up leaning his elbows on his knees and dropping his head. "I haven't been up to much of anything. Same shit different day. As far as Alice is concerned… we aren't really together anymore."

"What?" I shot up off the couch "When did this happen? Why did it happen, and why hasn't anyone told me?"

Jasper shrugged his shoulders. "It's just one of those things, it didn't work out." He then looked at me, really looked at me and I could see the callousness in his eyes. "I guess no one told you because it really doesn't concern you, I mean you aren't here anyway, so why does it matter?"

"It matters because I care." I shot back. "I may not be here but Jasper I call you all the freaking time, you are the one that never answers the phone or returns my calls."

He shook his head as he stood stretching a bit. "Whatever, it is what it is. Look I gotta get going but it was good to see you."

"Get going?" I repeated his words astonished. "Jasper where the heck are you going? My father, your uncle is laying in the hospital in intensive care. Where could you possibly have to go that's more important than that?"

"Bella would you chill out? You said yourself we can't see him until tomorrow, and I can't just sit around here all night. I'll come by tomorrow and check on him." He must have seen the concern etched on my face because he gave me a quick hug while mumbling, "Just call me if anything changes with him."

And then he was gone. Just like that. Still uncertain of what had just happened I went into the kitchen to see Esme preparing dinner. I asked to help and she of course told me I didn't need to, but after I explained it would help keep my mind off things she obliged and put me to work.

We worked around the kitchen chatting about the upcoming wedding and some ideas she had. I loved the fact that she was so supportive. She said she was just happy we decided to wait until after high school and she was willing to help in any way we needed her.

Alice came in a while later and gave her two cents about the wedding. I knew I would probably regret it because she would go overboard, but I told her I would love for her to help me plan it.

Edward came home just as we were setting dinner on the table. Emmett, Jake, and Rose were right behind him so Esme insisted that they stay for dinner. Alice suggested I call Jasper and invite him as well, I asked if she was sure and she assured me she was fine so I called his cell. It of course went to voicemail, so I left a message, which he never returned

Everyone was quick to tell me how sorry they were about my father, and though it was under these horrible circumstances, it was great to see everyone. Dinner was great, everyone talked and cut up. It made me realize how much I really missed this. I sat back and watched Edward, and he just looked so happy. Sure he was happy in Florida, and he never complained about moving away from his friends and family, but I could tell that he was truly happy here. This is where he needed to be. Where we needed to be.

Just as everyone was digging into their dessert I cleared my throat. "I uh…I have an idea about a place for the wedding." I said to no one in particular.

Edward gave me his full attention as Esme excitedly asked, "What did you have in mind dear?"

"How do you feel about us doing it here? At your house." I asked looking from Edward to his mom then back to Edward.

Edward's smile was huge. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I mean if it's okay with you?" I asked looking to Esme and Carlisle.

"Oh sweetie you know we don't mind in the least little bit." Esme replied sounding surprised.

Alice squealed and clapped her hands. "Oh this is going to be so much fun, I can't wait! I have so much to do before then."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Simmer down, Alice, we want a small, simple wedding. We don't have a ton of money to spend on it so check with Bella before you go overboard."

"Nonsence." Carlisle said, surprising all of us. "You should save your money for after you are married, let your mom and I handle the wedding cost."

Edward stopped with the fork half way to his mouth. "Are you serious?"

"Of course." Carlisle said like it was obvious.

"Thanks Dad." Edward told his father while reaching out to shake his hand. "In that case, Alice go crazy."

We all laughed, but somehow I don't think Alice took it as a joke.

"Forget the wedding, we need to discuss the bachelor party." Emmett said with a serious expression, getting a second helping of desert. It seems the boy still had his appetite.

"Oh no." I said holding up a finger. It was best to get this straight now. "Any and all bachelor party plans need to go through me first." It was best to clear this up right now.

Everyone laughed except for Emmett. "Come on Bella, it's my boys last night as a free man, he needs to enjoy it."

"Your boy." I said making air quotes with my fingers. "Has not been a free man for a while now, and he certainly is not going to start acting like one now."

"Oh Bella, let the boys have their fun." Alice said with a mischievous glint in her eye. "I'll throw you a bachelorette party that I promise will trump anything they ever thought about doing."

"Now that sounds like fun." I told her wondering what she had up her sleeve.

"Hell no," Edward bellowed from beside me. "I know what kind of things my sister convinces you to do, no way she is planning your bachelorette party."

The banter continued well past dessert, and still nothing was decided, but it was all in good fun so I didn't stress too much about it.

After dinner we all helped Esme clean up then Edward and I headed to his room for the night. It had been a long day and I was in desperate need of some sleep. Still I couldn't get Jasper out of my mind so after Edward showered and climbed into bed I decided to ask him about it.

"What a crazy day," I started as I snuggled up close to his chest.

"It really was, wasn't it?" He replied nuzzling my hair.

"Yeah, I'm really worried about my Dad, what if he doesn't get better? What if something happens and he dies?" The reality of the what if's were eating me alive. I needed someone that could give me some definite answers though it seemed that no one could.

"All you can do is pray, baby girl, it's all in God's hands now."

It baffled me a bit that was his response, maybe I was rubbing off on my man more than I thought.

"I have prayed," I told him, "Several times, it's just so hard knowing he is laying there hurt and there is nothing I can do about it."

Edward kissed the top of my head as he stroked my hair. "I have a good feeling Bella, I really think everything is going to work out."

"I sure do hope so," I said with a yawn. "I don't know what I would do if I lost him before we were able to work out our problems."

It was quiet for a while and I wondered if Edward had fallen asleep, but I just couldn't seem to get Jasper off my mind. "Edward," I whispered just in case he was sleeping.

"Yes, baby," he mumbled in a sleepy, raspy voice.

"Jasper was acting very strange today," I stated more than asked. " And he looks so different. Did you know he and Alice broke up?"

"What?... Really? No, I didn't know that. I wonder why Alice never said anything." It was quiet yet again and I decided to leave Edward to his thoughts. There was just too much going on to try and make sense of it all right now. Tomorrow would be a new day and hopefully things would start looking up. Tomorrow, I decided, I would work on re-building my family. I said a prayer asking for a recovery for my father and safety for Jasper. Something told me he needed just as much prayer as my father at the moment.

**I hope you enjoyed! I have spent all day going through all of my reviews and sending reply's to let you guys know that…..There are 3 chapters left and they will post every Sunday for the next 3 weeks…hope that makes you **

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	37. Chapter 37

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight…..**_

_**It's Sunday…and so I'm back with another up-date…just like I promised **____** Big gold star for me lol.**__** Next Sunday will be the final chapter (as long as my beta can get it done in time) but as of now..we are on schedule for next week being the final up-date. I'm sad and happy all at the same time. I can't believe**__** it will actually be over, but **__**it has been going for almost 2 years now…so it is definitely time.**_

_**Big thanks to my pre-reader One Of Eddies Girls and to my beta Cherry Bella. You girls rock, and helped me so much with this chapter!**_

Chapter 37

Bella

I woke the next morning feeling somewhat refreshed. I knew today wouldn't be easy but I was ready to face whatever obstacles may arise. I joined everyone for breakfast then called Maria to fill her in on what I knew about my father. She reminded me to call her if I needed her to come up here, and asked me to call her as soon as there was any news. I agreed and then quickly showered and headed back to the hospital to see how my father was doing.

I spent the entire day at the hospital, mostly in the waiting room. Edward stayed with me the entire time only leaving once to go get us lunch. I told him several times he didn't have to wait with me, that he could go spend some time with his friends or family, but he refused, saying I was his family and he was where he needed to be. Edward's parents came by that morning to check on the progress, but there had been none. The doctor would stop by every few hours and let me know that there hadn't been any change, and he would let me go in to sit with my father for a while, but I couldn't stay long, then I was back in the waiting room, just sitting and waiting.

Alice, Emmett, Jake, and Rose, all came by after school to check on us and they stayed for well over an hour catching up. Jasper never showed. I called him several times throughout the afternoon, but I was always sent to voice mail.

I stayed at the hospital until visiting hours were over. I went into my father's room and sent up a tearful prayer, before kissing him on the cheek, telling him goodbye for yet another night.

Esme had dinner ready when Edward and I arrived back at their house. I tried to involve myself in the conversation but my thoughts were a million miles away. I knew I wouldn't be back to myself until my father was okay.

I helped clean the dishes and went straight to bed. I was emotionally exhausted and just couldn't function a moment longer without some sleep.

The next day started much the same way. I woke early, showered, met everyone for breakfast, called Maria, and was out the door the same time Alice was leaving for school. It was mind boggling to think that I should actually be in school now myself. I should be complaining about math homework or stressing about a history pop quiz, not sitting in a waiting room hoping and praying my father didn't die.

Finally my prayers were answered shortly after lunch. I'd been allowed to go in to my father's room for fifteen minutes at eleven so I was quite surprised when a nurse came to get me just a little past twelve. She ushered me to my father's room and instructed me to stand outside the closed door until the Doctor came out.

I chewed my nails nervously as I waited just a few minutes before the Doctor stepped out of the room closing the door behind him.

I was sure he could see the fear written all over my face so he quickly assured me that everything was alright. My father had regained consciousness, and though he wasn't completely out of the water, things were definitely looking up. They had run all of the necessary test to make sure that he was stable, but while he was no longer in a coma, he was still very groggy and would be in and out of sleep. He reiterated to me how important it was for him to get plenty of sleep so I was instructed not to wake him if he did drift off to sleep. He told me I couldn't stay long but that I could visit with my father for a few minutes to see for myself that was indeed doing much better. I hugged the Doctor a bit tighter than necessary, and wiped my tears away before slowly entering the room.

My father still looked as frail and weak as he had a little over an hour ago, but he did seem to have a bit more color to his face. Though his eyes looked dull and droopy they were opened, only slightly, but still they were opened.

I walked quickly to the side of his bed and placed my hand over his. I knew he couldn't talk because of the tubes down his throat so I talked for the both of us. I made sure to keep my voice low and soft as I told him how much I had missed him, and how worried I had been about him. I could tell he was fighting to stay awake, but the medicine they had him on was making it close to impossible. I carefully wiped a tear that had leaked from the corner of his eye and softly kissed his cheek telling him to rest and promised I would be back.

I walked out of his room feeling pure relief. I rushed to the waiting room to relay all of the new information to Edward. He held me as I cried my happy tears and re-told everything that had just happened.

I stepped outside to call Jasper and let him know the good news, but once again there was no answer. I left him a message telling him what was happening and begging him to call me as soon as possible. I called Maria, and then Esme and Carlisle to let them know as well. Once I was done with all of my phone calls I checked the time and decided if Jasper wouldn't return my calls I would just go find him. School would be out soon so I asked Edward to drive us there so I could wait for Jasper. Edward of course agreed because he is just the greatest guy ever.

Once we arrived at the school we sat in the student parking lot waiting patiently for the dismissal bell to ring. It was somewhat surreal being here again. It seemed like a hundred years ago that I had been at this very school attending classes with all of these people. It's amazing how much things can change in such a short period of time.

Once the bell sounded, I searched the crowd of students, desperate to find Jasper. It wasn't long before my former peers started noticing Edward and I. We quickly became the center of attention and were bombarded with hugs and pats on the back. Everyone wanted to hear our story, where we had been, how we were doing ,and if we were we back to stay. It felt nice to be missed, but I had a sneaking suspicion it had more to do with filling the gossip ring than actual concern for our well-being.

Trying to be as polite as possible I greeted people as they approached, but immediately began asking where Jasper was, and if anyone had seen him. Mike just shrugged his shoulders as he said, "I'm not sure where he is, come to think of it, I don't think I've seen him all day." Well that wasn't the least bit helpful.

I asked a few more random people, still not getting anywhere. Finally Emmett walked over and I asked him if he had any idea where Jasper may be. He had a strange expression on his face as he told me he hadn't seen him in days. Well that was strange, if he wasn't at school or the hospital then where the heck could he be?

Not wanting to give up just yet I asked Edward to take me by the house. Jasper's house...my old house. He agreed, and completely understood when I couldn't bring myself to actually go in there myself. He got out and knocked on the doors, but there was no answer. He looked through the windows before using my keys to let himself in. He wasn't in there long before he was joining me at the car again.

Edward climbed back in the car looking defeated, "Bella, he's not here babe." He said softly, avoiding eye contact.

I was at a loss. "Where else could he be?" I asked more to myself. "I mean he hasn't been at the hospital, he's not at school, and he isn't here." I thought hard for a minute trying to figure out what was going on. "Maybe he's at work?" I suggested looking to Edward for answers I knew he didn't have.

Edward sighed before answering me. "I have one more place we can check, but you have to promise to stay in the car while I go in to look." His voice held an authority I wasn't used to hearing from him, but I quickly agreed anyway. I couldn't think of any place that Jasper might be that wouldn't be safe for me, but as long as Edward was willing to help me, I wasn't going to argue with him.

I nodded in agreement and we were off again. The house we pulled up to looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't put my finger on when I had been here before. Edward gave me a quick kiss before telling me he would be right back. I watched as he walked towards the door, and then knocked a few times before going in. I sat in the car and I waited for what seemed like forever. I finally checked the time and realized Edward had been inside for close to twenty minutes. I knew that was more time than necessary for him to see if Jasper was in there and I began to get worried about his safety.

I knew that Edward had a reason, and I'm sure it was a good one, for wanting me to stay in the car, but I couldn't in good conscious sit in the car while he could be in danger. So I did the only logical thing. I took a deep breath and climbed out of the car, walked to the door, and turned the knob letting myself in.

What I saw literally took my breath away. The place was trashed, there was old food and beer bottles littering the floor. The furniture and carpets looked like they hadn't been cleaned in years. And the smell, it was enough to make me gag. I covered my mouth and nose with my hand hoping to somewhat filter it a little, but it wasn't a great help.

I heard male voices coming from another room, and though my instinct told me to turn around and get out of here as fast as possible, I knew that Edward was in here and I needed to make sure that he was safe.

I walked as quietly as I could through the house following the voices. Once I turned a corner to the living room I could see several people sitting on couches and Edward standing over someone, talking. His stance and facial expression let me know it was not a pleasant conversation. As I tried to make my way over to him I tripped over something, it could have been a pizza box, a beer bottle or a dead body for all I knew, but whatever it was it caused me to lose my balance and fall back landing in all the filth.

Of course, that got everyone's attention and all eyes turned to me. Most of the people just started laughing like it was the funniest thing they had ever seen, while Edward rushed over to help me up. "Shit, Bella, are you alright?" he asked, concern lacing his voice as he pulled me up off the floor.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I answered as I tried to brush myself off.

Edward gave me a quick once over, checking for himself that I was indeed alright before he began scolding me. "What the hell are you thinking? I told you to sit in the car!"

"I...I was just worried that you were taking so long. I wanted to make sure you were alright in here."

Edward opened his mouth to speak, but never got the chance. Before I could process what was happening Jasper was beside us and shoving Edward "What the hell is she doing here?" Jasper yelled as he shoved Edward again. "Why would you bring her here?" I had never seen Jasper this angry before, and I knew this wouldn't end well.

Edward steadied himself and took a deep breath before holding his hands up. "Dude, you need to chill. She's here because she's been looking for your dumb ass all over town. I didn't want to bring her here, trust me, I didn't want her to see you like this, but she wanted to talk to you and I knew you would be here."

Jasper turned his angry glare in my direction and I couldn't help but be afraid. I looked in his eyes but I didn't see the loving cousin I had known all those years. I didn't know who this person was and that scared the crap out of me, because I didn't know what this person was capable of.

"You." Jasper yelled pointing his finger in my face. "What the hell do you want? Why can't you just leave me alone? I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to sit down and have family dinners, I don't want to reminisce about old times, I don't want any of that, I just want you to go away and leave me alone."

I was stunned. How could he say those things to me? How could he just throw me away like my father had done? "Jasper I miss you. I love you, that's why I worry about you. I can't leave you alone, you're my family." I tentatively reached my hand out to touch his arm in what I hoped would be a soothing motion.

Before I was able to make actual contact he pushed my hand away and stepped back. "Bella, trust me I'm a lost cause, cut your losses with me and move on with the rest of your life. I'm nothing; I won't do anything but hurt you and hold you back." He stepped closer and grabbed my shoulders. "I'm going to say this one more time. Go away, leave me alone, stop looking for me, stop calling me, just leave me alone!" he growled in anger, causing his cheeks to puff out and nostrils to flare.

I was afraid, but not for myself. I was afraid for Jasper and what he had become since I left. I swallowed the lump in my throat and fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. "Jasper, I can't. I can't walk away from you. Please, just come with me." I begged taking a step closer to wrap my arms around him in a hug. "Please, just come with me so we can talk. I'm worried about you."

"God, Bella, you are so stupid. Why can't you just listen? I'm not going anywhere with you, I don't want to talk, I don't want to be around you. Just go away!" he yelled as he forcefully removed my hands from around him and pushed them away, causing me to lose my balance and fall down yet again. This time there was no stopping the tears. I had been rejected by the one person I thought would always be there for me.

That was apparently the breaking point for Edward because he lunged for Jasper taking him down in one swoop. Edward yelled at Jasper telling him to never talk to me like that, or touch me ever again. Jasper yelled back at Edward that it was his entire fault for bringing me here in the first place. As they were struggling and yelling with each other I took a moment to look around. I looked at the others sitting on the couch thinking they would intervene, but I quickly saw that wasn't an option. A couple of them were laughing, clearly amused with the situation while the others were looking board with the whole thing.

Movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention so I turned to focus on the boy leaning over the coffee table in the middle of the room. It took me a few seconds, but I finally recognized him as James. He had changed quite a bit but I was pretty certain it was him. I watched as he leaned over the table and inhaled something off the table. I let my eyes wonder over the contents of the table. There was white powder, needles, tiny bags and pills all over the table. That's when it clicked. Drugs. Jasper was here doing drugs and that's why he changed so much. My heart literally broke; I didn't know what to do to help him, but I knew Edward and I needed to get away from here.

I picked myself up off the floor and rushed over to Edward's side pulling him away from Jasper. Once he finally released him, I said in the calmest voice I could muster. "We need to go." He looked at me for a brief second then climbed off of Jasper and stood beside me wrapping one arm around my waist and leaning down to kiss my head then whispered "I'm so sorry, baby."

I turned to walk out of the room, but stopped once I was a safe distance away. I looked at Jasper who was still lying on the floor. "Jasper, I will always love you, and I'm here for you when you're ready to get help." I knew he was probably high off of something right now so it wouldn't do me any good to try and reason with him. Still it hurt to leave him there like that. "I just wanted to let you know that my Dad is out of a coma, he's still weak but he is awake, in case you wanted to go by to see him."

I didn't give him time to respond; grabbing Edward's hand and walking out of the house, leaving a part of myself in there with Jasper.

As soon as we were safe in the car, I took a deep breath trying to process everything that had just happened.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Edward asked, bringing me back to the present.

"No, not right now. Now, I just want to go back to the hospital to see my Dad before visiting hours are over."

Edward whispered out a low "okay" before starting the car and pulling away. I tried to put all of my focus on my father while I was at the hospital, but I couldn't get Jasper off my mind. I had to know what had happened, how did he go from the fun loving, caring guy I left a few months ago to this hateful, mean person that I didn't even recognize?

I talked to Alice later that night about what had happened between them, at first she wouldn't tell me much, just that they had taken different directions in life, whatever that meant. Only after I told her about my earlier encounter with Jasper did she open up. We had a long tearful conversation about how it had all started.

"He was so upset when you left, Bella." She said wiping her tears and shaking her head. "He blamed himself for everything. He said he was the one that had pushed you to open up and try new things. He said he was the reason your life had been ruined and you had to leave."

"It wasn't his fault at all." I was quick to let her know. "I made those decisions, and I had to suffer the repercussions of my decisions."

"I know that it wasn't his fault, and I told him continuously that you didn't blame him." She stopped for a moment to blow her nose, and then continued. "But he wouldn't listen to reason. I thought he would eventually come to terms with everything that happened, but he didn't. Each day that passed he became more down on himself, and he just started to change. He started hanging out with James and his slew of losers, and over time they just overtook his life. The breaking point was a few weeks ago, he received a letter from the state of Oregon informing him of his mother's death. She had overdosed, her body was found in an ally by a store owner."

I couldn't hold back my shock as I gasped loudly. "Oh no, Alice, tell me that didn't happen!"

She slowly nodded her head as more tears rolled down her cheek. "He lost it Bella, I have never seen so much rage and hurt in my life. He yelled and cried and threw things and yelled some more. I tried to be there for him, I really did, but he pushed me away. The next day he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore." Alice broke down in sobs, and I held her close as I cried with her. After a while she was finally able to speak again. "I didn't give up on him Bella, I called him relentlessly, I went by to check on him, I followed him around, but the more I tried to be there, the more pissed off he became with me. In the end it felt like I was doing more harm than good so I backed off thinking maybe he just needed some time to himself. I still love him Bella, and I hope that one day he will be able to realize that."

"I just, I can't imagine what he's going through." I told her wiping my own tears away. "I wish someone would have told me, he shouldn't have to deal with it alone."

"I should have told you, and I am so sorry that I didn't, but he made me promise that I wouldn't say anything to you or anyone else." Alice said between sniffles. "He didn't want anyone to know that his mother had died that way. Looking back, I know I should have told someone, but he was so ashamed, and it just seemed like the one piece of comfort I could give him, since he wouldn't accept anything else from me."

"I'm not mad at you Alice, I'm just worried about Jasper. I should have been here for him, I hate that things turned out this way. Life just doesn't seem fair."

"It's not." She quietly agreed.

I knew I needed to find a way to help him, but I didn't have the first clue as where to start. That night as I climbed into Edward's bed, I sent up a long heartfelt prayer asking for guidance. There was no way I could leave Jasper to deal with this on his own. He had been there for me so much in the past, now it would be my turn to repay him, because there was no way I was giving up on him.

The next day, I visited with my father in the morning and I could tell he was doing better. I left to go to lunch with Esme and when I returned and checked at the nurses' station, they told me the Doctor had been looking for me. They paged him and soon he met me at the nurse's desk.

"Bella, I have some good news for you, your father is doing amazingly well, and we were able to take him off the breathing machine."

"So he is breathing on his own?" I know it was rude to cut him off, but I wanted to hear him say the words.

"Yes, he is breathing on his own," the Doctor said softly. "His throat is very sore causing his voice to be rough. I have instructed him not to talk a lot as not to irritate his throat any more than necessary, but as you may know, your father is quite stubborn, and he keeps asking for you."

He didn't need to tell me anymore, I took off like a crazy person running through the halls to get to my father as quick as possible.

It was as if all of my prayers were answered when I walked in and saw him sitting up in the bed. Of course, the bed was inclined, helping to support him, but still it was an amazing sight and I couldn't help the happy tears that were falling.

"Isabella," he said in a low hoarse voice. I was so happy to hear him speak my name; I didn't even bother correcting him. "Please, come closer," he instructed as he held his scraped up hand out to me.

I didn't hesitate; I immediately went to him, taking his hand in mine.

"Isabella, I have a lot of regrets in my life," he started slowly. His chest rose and fell with each intake of breath and I knew it must be painful for him, both physically and emotionally.

"My biggest regret of all is letting you down as a father. I haven't even come close to being the parent that you needed or deserved in your life." He told me, making eye contact for the first time.

My tears were falling harder now; I knew there was no point in wiping them away because more were pouring out to replace them. "Dad," I sniffled, not even trying to sound strong. "We don't have to do this now, I'm just so happy that you're alright, the rest can wait."

He shook his head, not even letting my words sink in. "This needs to be done now, before it's too late." He turned his head to gaze out of the window for a while and I wondered if he had drifted off to sleep once again. I was just about to stand to pull his sheet up over him more when he spoke again. "Isabella, I saw her, I saw your mother." The absoluteness of his words sent chills down my spine. "She was exactly the same, she hadn't aged at all." He turned toward me once more and the smile that was on his face let me know he honestly believed he had seen my mother. "She was so beautiful; I had forgotten how much you look like her." He said as he took a moment to really study my face.

I was a bit stunned, and wondered briefly if I should talk to the doctor about the medications they have him on. "I ran to her," he said, his voice fading. "I ran to her and I held her, I twirled her around, and I kissed her cheek, she was right there." His voice was barely above a whisper at this point and I knew it had to be painful, so I reached over to get his cup of ice water and held the straw to his lips as he took a few gulps.

"Do you know what she said to me?" He asked, conviction thick in his voice. "As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him." I was a little confused as to why my mother would be quoting Palms to my father, but I didn't say anything, I just waited for him to continue. A single tear slipped from his eye as he continued, "And then she told me Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him, and that I had been neglectful of my gift. She said she was disappointed in me, I had hurt you, pushed you away, and ruined our relationship, and in return I had hurt her as well. She reminded me that you are the link that holds her and I together and that it wasn't your fault that she died, it was just her time."

He paused once again and tried to swallow, I hated that he was in this much pain, but I could tell that this was important to him and he needed to get it out. "She told me to make it right, Isabella, she told me I had one more chance and I needed to make it count. I told her I knew I had failed miserably as a father, and I just didn't know how to make it up to you. She told me to be honest and humble, so here it is. I was angry when your mother died, I was angry at her, at you, at myself, at the world, at God himself. Every day that I looked at you I was reminded of the woman I loved and how we would never be together again. You were just there to take all of my anger, hatred, and sadness. You took it all and you never said a word, so after time it just became normal. " He stopped speaking as he tried to reach for his cup once more, not wanting him to strain I got it and handed it to him. I was absolutely baffled at his revelation, and wasn't quite sure how to take everything he was telling me.

"I was wrong Isabella, I should have been there to comfort and love you, but instead I pushed you away and left you to deal with the ramifications of your mother's death alone. That was never my intention, I know you may not believe it, but I do love you, and I always have, even if I haven't shown it in the past." He was sobbing now, clutching onto my hand with as much power as he could muster. "Please Isabella, I know I don't deserve it, but can you find it in your heart to forgive me? Can you give me one more chance to try to be the father you should have had all those years ago?"

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat to answer him, but it was just too much. I nodded my head before I jumped up from the chair to hug him. I was mindful of his tubes, but I just needed to be wrapped in my father's arms. Somewhere in the back of my head I knew that this could just be the medication talking, and tomorrow he may not remember any of this, but right now, in this moment, this was exactly what I needed, what I have needed for years.

"I…I am so sorry." I sobbed into his chest.

"Shh, child, it's alright." He spoke softly as he ran his hand over my head, through my hair. "We both made some mistakes, let's leave it in our past, and focus on our future. I want us to be a family again, Isabella. For you, for Jasper, for me, but mostly for your mother. I will love her until the day I die, and when I meet her at those pearly gates again, I want to tell her, yes I made mistakes, but I fixed them, and I tried to be the best father I possibly could."

I left my father's room shortly after that, he needed his rest, and I needed to process everything that just happened. Edward asked me how it had gone, but what could I really say? My father apparently saw my dead mother and she told him off so now he wanted to try and re-build our relationship? Yeah it sounded way too crazy to repeat. So I went with a simple "We talked, it went well, better than expected." And left it at that.

I was nervous to see my father in the following days, afraid he would forget his declaration, or go back to his dictator ways, but on the contrary he seemed to be trying with all of his might to right his wrongs. We talked about my time spent at Maria's and the cause of my being there, he admitted that he over-reacted, and he apologized. I admitted that I had been wrong to sneak around behind his back and I apologized. We talked about Edward, a lot, and though he wouldn't admit to liking him, he had a hard time hiding his grin as he re-told the story of Edward confronting him. "At least I know you have a man that can defend you if it was necessary." He said with a chuckle.

I wasn't naive enough to believe that all of our issues would be solved in a few days, but I did have high hopes that over time we would be able to build a relationship that not only we, but also my mother would be proud of.

**Thank you guys so much for your feedback from last chapter! I know most of you were wondering about Jasper, so I hoped this cleared some things up for you.**

**You know what to do…Hit that review button and leave me some love!**

**Final chapter will be posted next Sunday….and teasers will be sent out by Thurs for those of you that review **


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight…even after all this time**

**A/N: Sorry this didn't post on Sunday…my beta and I had some e-mail issues which caused a delay. Plus I am super nervous about this chapter, so I kept changing things lol.**

**Big thanks to Cherry Bella for betaing for me…sorry you had to re-send it so many times cause my e-mail wouldn't wk **

**Huge thanks to all the read, review, lurk, and message me. I love you all dearly, you mean the world to me! I am going to miss you all so much once this is over.**

**There will be 1 more chapter after this…the Epi.**

Chapter 38

-Ecclesiastes 7:8-9

Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride. Don't be quick-tempered, for anger is the friend of fools.

Bella

Things slowly got back to normal, well I guess as normal as they would ever be.

After the breakthrough with my Dad, Edward and I decided it would be best for us to move back home. We both missed our families and friends, plus I knew Jasper needed me, even if he wouldn't admit it. So we discussed it, and both felt that this was just where we needed to be. We both enrolled back in school, and while we had to do some extra assignments, we were both on track to graduate with the rest of our friends.

Edward's family was beyond thrilled that he was coming back for good, and while Maria was sad to see me go, she was happy that my father and I were working on our relationship and understood I was doing what was best for me.

My father was released from the hospital after two weeks. He was still sore and had to attend physical therapy three times a week until he was able to get around by himself. But he was home, that in its self was a miracle.

I moved back in with my father, with the understanding that Edward and I would be dating. He wasn't all that happy about it, but he knew he needed me there to help him, and in order for our relationship to progress, he had to accept Edward and our relationship. That didn't go over as well as I had hoped, but it is a work in progress.

The move back home was bittersweet for me. I had grown so accustomed to being with Edward all of the time, it seemed almost surreal to not wake up beside him or eat breakfast with him every morning. The transition back to a normal teenage relationship took its toll on us. But I have to admit it was nice to have a normal relationship, at least for a while. The butterfly's in my stomach before meeting him in the parking lot at school, the nervousness about what to wear for our Saturday night date nights, it was intoxicating to still have these feelings for him after everything we had been through.

My father and I attended weekly family counseling sessions; some were good and left me feeling like there was hope for us, and some were harder, with both of us leaving in tears. No matter how hard they were, they were helping us build our relationship back to what it should have been, and for that I was grateful.

Jasper was a different story. He rarely came home, and even more rarely attended school. I tried talking to him numerous times, and even staged an intervention for him, but he just wasn't interested. The only people that really knew of his problem, besides his druggie friends, were Edward, Alice, and I. The others would occasionally ask me what was going on with him, but I would just shrug them off, not wanting to bring them into our broken family. I should have told my dad about what was going on with him, but I thought it would just make the situation worse. He was already dealing with so much; I honestly thought I could handle Jasper on my own. But I was wrong; in the end it wouldn't be me that would be his saving grace.

The drugs had taken over him and nothing else seemed to be important. Not me, not school, not even Alice. It was hard to watch him waste away, but I tried every day to show him that I still loved him and would be there for him when he decided he was ready. Luckily, there was something that would be important to him and it was just a matter of time before he realized it.

With graduation quickly approaching, I was excited for this part of my life to be over. I was ready to move on to the next chapter and see where life took me. I was ready to be grown and independent, and discover more of this new person I had become.

Prom was super exciting for me. Alice, Rose, and I all went shopping together and picked out our fancy dresses. The day of the big event we all went to get our hair and nails done together and Alice even convinced me to get a spray tan, just so my tan lines wouldn't show on my dress, she said.

Edward showed up in a limo to take me to the dance and I must say he looked stunning. My Dad, though he wouldn't admit it, was happy for me. He told me repeatedly how beautiful I looked and how much I reminded him of my mother. Those words made me cry, but at the same time they meant the world to me.

Prom was amazing, I felt just like Cinderella, without the whole glass slipper incident, of course, and I already had my prince charming which made the night that much more magical.

Edward and I danced, and ate, and laughed with our friends. It is a memory I will always cherish. The life changing events came later that night at the after party. Yes, there was an after party, and yes, we attended it. I shed my sequence dress and traded it in for a pair of jeans and a tank top. We danced some more but mostly spent the night just hanging out with our friends. We would all be going in our separate directions soon, and it seemed we just didn't have enough time left together.

Jake insisted we all take a shot to commemorate our time together, Edward and I had discussed it beforehand and decided not to drink, but in the end we gave in and figured just one shot with our friends wouldn't hurt. Emmett convinced Jasper to join us for the toast, he hadn't attended prom, but he had managed to make it to the after party, go figure.

Once all of our shots were poured, Jake gave his toast with a big cheesy grin,

"Man on top of woman hasn't long to stay.

His head is full of business and his ass is full of play.

He goes in like a lion and comes out like a lamb.

He buttons up his pants and doesn't give a damn.

Here's to us, our past, present, and future. May we always be as close as we are right now in this moment."

After a few chuckles we all tipped our glasses back and downed the shots. Well, all of us except for Alice. She, not so discretely, set her full shot glass down with the rest of our empty ones. Jake was none too happy about it. He immediately picked the glass back up and tried to hand it to her. "No way, Cupcake, you're not getting out of this one. It took me all week to memorize that." he teased.

Alice just rolled her eyes, "Seriously, Jake, I don't want it." She tried to brush him off.

"Come on, Alice," Emmett whined. "It's one shot, for our friendship, you can do one shot for us, right?"

"Really, it doesn't taste that bad," Rose added, taking the glass from Jake and placing it in Alice's hand. "Besides, I haven't seen you drink all night, one shot isn't going to hurt you."

Alice looked pained as she set the glass back down on the counter. "Really guys, I can't."

Jake scoffed; obviously he wasn't going to drop it. "What do you mean you can't?"

"I just...I can't." Alice said looking everywhere except at us.

"Holy shit!" Rose shouted, grabbing Alice's hand. " Are you...you're not...are you pregnant?"

And suddenly everyone fell silent, all eyes on Alice, and time stood still. Alice didn't really answer; she just looked up to meet Jasper's eyes. She held eye contact for what seemed like forever before a tear slipped down her cheek and she turned and bolted into the crowd.

We all stood stunned speechless, until finally Edward took off in the same direction she had gone.

Jasper was the first to break the silence; his glassy eyes were wide and seemed to focus solely on me. "Is it mine?" I opened my mouth but I had nothing to tell him, this was news to me, but it explained a lot.

The next day, Alice called a meeting with her parents, Edward, and I. She said I was family and should be involved in all family business, but my guess was she just needed some moral support. She confirmed that she was indeed pregnant, approximately eleven weeks. Her mom and dad cried, they told her how they wished she was older and had at least finished school first. Carlisle even let it slip that he had expected this conversation from Edward, but not from her. But overall they were supportive, and told her they would be there to help her.

I asked the question everyone else was too afraid to ask. "Is it Jasper's?" I hated to ask, and I hoped she didn't take it the wrong way, but I needed to know.

She wiped her tears away as she answered. "Of course it's his; there is no one else for me."

Esme asked the next question and for that I was glad. "Sweetie, does Jasper know about the baby?"

"No." Alice said sniffling. "He's dealing with so much right now; I didn't think he could handle this on top of everything else."

"Alice, he deserves to know." Her mother said softly. "Let him decide what he wants to do with the information, but either way he needs to know."

Alice agreed that telling him was the right thing to do. She called him, and as surprising as it was, he answered her phone call and agreed to come over. We left them alone in the family room to talk but all stayed in the house just in case they needed us.

After a few hours, Alice called us all back in the family room. It was apparent that they both had been crying but they were holding hands, so I took that as a good sign. Jasper admitted to the drug problem and cried as he begged for our forgiveness. He agreed to go to rehab as soon as possible and pleaded with Alice to let him be a part of his child's life.

Alice was crying so hard it was hard for her to speak, but she finally managed to tell him that she loved him, and nothing would make her happier than for him to be involved, but she quickly let him know that he had to change because she wouldn't allow that lifestyle around her child.

They called my Dad and together they found a rehab center that would take him in. Jasper left the next day. It broke my heart to see him go, but I knew it was what was best for him.

The next week was graduation, and as happy as I was to be graduating with my friends, I was sad that Jasper couldn't be there. Rose, Alice, Edward, Emmett, Jake, and I all took a weekend camping trip right after graduation. I couldn't believe that we were all going our separate ways and wouldn't be seeing each other every day any longer. We spent the entire weekend reminiscing about our past time together and discussing our futures.

Rose and Emmett had decided to go to the same college in Seattle at Washington University, and no big surprise, they were going to move in together. They were leaving in week to start their summer jobs, but made us all promise to visit before school started.

Yes, Rose was going to work; she had gotten an assistant manager job at a Ralph Laurn store, a job which I thought suited her well. Emmett was going to be a personal trainer at a Golds Gym near the college. They offered him a full time position, and said they would work around his school schedule once classes started in the fall, which he was very excited about I might add.

Jake had decided to go into the Army. That decision surprised us all, but I could totally picture him in that uniform trying to pick up women.

Alice had decided to enroll in the community college so she could work her schedule around the baby once it was born. I hated that she had to give up her dream of being a big fashion designer in New York, but she was doing what she needed to do for her and the baby.

Jasper was still in rehab, he would be in there for at least six weeks and then he would need to work on finishing his credits so he could get his diploma. I wasn't sure what the future would hold for him, I could only pray for the best.

As for Edward and I, we decided to postpone our wedding. With Jasper away, and things still crazy with Alice, we decided this just wasn't the best time. While my father had lightened up on many things throughout the last few weeks, me getting married was not something he was budging on. And while I didn't want him to dictate my life, I felt like we had made huge strides in our relationship so I didn't want to set us back. And as crazy as it may seem with everything my father and I had been through, I really did want him walking me down the aisle and giving me away. As much as I hated to admit it, I still craved his approval.

I was staying with my Dad for two more weeks then I was leaving with Maria to go on a mission trip to Africa. I hated to leave my Dad, but we had arranged to have someone come in once a week and help with the house cleaning and odd- and- end things he was still having trouble with.

I had huge amounts of anxiety about leaving Edward, but I knew that our relationship was secure enough to withstand anything at this point. As much as we were going to miss each other, he was very supportive of my decision, and encouraged me to take this one in a life time chance to fulfill my dreams. I will only be gone for a little over a month, and I know that when I get back, our relationship will still be as strong as ever.

And Edward, well, he shocked us all when he decided what he wanted to be when he grew up. He was leaving the day after me to go to the Police Academy. Apparently, all the trouble he has gotten in throughout the years caused him to have a greater appreciation for the law enforcement. And I honestly couldn't wait to see him in his uniform.

As we all said our goodbyes at the end our camping trip, many tears were shed, and several promises were made to never lose touch. I walked away sad that we were all taking separate directions in life, but proud of each and every one of us for overcoming all the obstacles life has thrown at us, and that in spite of it we all managed to find ourselves.

It seemed that all of our lives were on track, we were following our destiny. Some of us by the choices we made, and some of us by the choices that were made for us, but either way, I had a feeling that we were all going to make it.

***chews nails nervously* what did you think? ~DON'T FREAK OUT~ THERE IS AN EPI LEFT!**

**Yes there will be 1 more chapter…this was the ending so to speak..but there is 1 final chapter that will go into their life after graduation. OBVIOUSLY the wedding and some sexin will be in the epi….but I want to know what you want to see. Are there any questions you still have? Are there any loose ends I didn't tie up? Is there anything you just want to know about them after graduation? LET ME KNOW and I will do my best to add it in the Epi.**

**I don't have a post date as of yet for the Epi..I have it about half written, but I wanted to wait to hear from you guys to see what you wanted before I finished it. Then it will be sent to my pre-reader then beta…so be patient with me **

**I am super nervous about this chapter so please leave me a review and let me know what you think. I will send out teasers for the epi along with a post date once I have it figured out.**


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